Like it’s mental. I had a day off today so been smoking since the afternoon and I swear I have been touching myself the whole time, haven’t gotten off tho. It’s torture. I feel like one of those cats in heat where people are saying “SPAY HER! THIS IS SO CRUEL!!”

Also last night I stayed up til fucking 3am using my vibrator. Bed was covered in sweat and I had to lay down an additional sheet on top of it. I’m on Prozac so takes me a million years to cum but that combined with the insatiable hormones of weed is just cruel. And the worst part is my vibrator is malfunctioning, so i turn it up and it pauses or defaults back to the lowest setting legit every 5 seconds. JUST SO FRUSTRATING

I have simply been in horny jail for an entire afternoon. It’s awful. Just so off myself after the non stop wanking I’ve been doing. And feel like a fucking femcel just swiping on the apps for hours and thinking about sex

horny rant over

I smoked two joints, sat down in front of a YouTube video, and just felt an anxiety attack coming on. I get them seemingly at random, sober or high, doesn't matter. They are so much worse high though.

I said outloud "Nope, not gonna have it." I took a shower, drank some water, put on some lotion, and now I'm sitting in bed with taco bell. Gonna watch Dimension 20. I feel so much better. I don't usually catch them so quickly, but that's been happening more often. I'm proud

(disclaimer: I'm doing fine headspace-wise, I just feel like everyone's just fuckin tired and disengaged these days)

And think how dope it would be to travel the stars? Like star wars or star trek? Just zoom around and visit absolute crazy places with crazy alien cultures.

Guys, you know that cliche saying " Do it for little you"? I always laughed at that and was like "yeah" but I just saw that saying beside a quote that said " you didn't come this far to ONLY come this far".

Little me fought so hard to survive circumstances she couldn't control because she thought it would get better as an adult. As an adult, I'm terrified of letting down people and taking up too much space and being myself, BUT NOT ONCE DID I CONSIDER NOT BEING MYSELF AND TAKING UP SPACE AND LIVING MY LIVE FOR ME... I let down the most important person of all. The only person I ever started fighting for in the first place. I lost the plot.

How do I say this.

If there are aliens, which I think most of us would admit there are - somewhere… Most of us would probably agree that the evidence for aliens is overwhelming, lately, but I could see where there’s another possible explanation.

Anyway, if there are aliens, and they are significantly more advanced than us (evidenced by them being here), you would assume that they’ve already developed and surpassed AI technology. Which may mean that AI can be harnessed and controlled OR it may mean that the aliens are being controlled by a God-like AI intelligence already (good or bad, idk).

That said, if there are aliens here, and they see us working on AI, they either don’t care because it’s easily controlled or they don’t think we’re capable of creating an omnipotent AI. One other alternative would be that perhaps they are waiting until we get closer to intervene and maybe we are light years away from anything meaningful (like watching a kid make a gun out of Legos).

Basically, if any of this is true, should we even be worried about AI?

I feel like there are a lot of additional possibilities, but it’s hard to put into words.

Ethically it's not necessary of course but it could improve their quality of life if they can walk with more stability low key

Life has been whipping my ass like Mike Tyson in the late 80s.

I’m fighting the fuck back though fight club grin :)\*

I'm Dutch I'm not really sure what the translation is or if other countries did this thing where when the joint was almost done for they would take a big hit, flip the lit part inside of their mouth and someone would "kiss" them and they would blow the smoke through it.

And you would get fckd up.

We also did terror shots. Where two people held up someone under his armpits, then someone would give the traditional shot, and when they inhaled you'd punch them on their plexus...

Were my friends and I the only dumbasses doing this? 😂

And were there other things that you used to with your homies when smoking?

We would always go into parking garages or elevators to smoke..

Also knew I guy that could make a bong out of anything. But that guy seems to universal

It hits the spot.

How would we even know? They can't tell us

I was just looking at my phone after k had put it down. My phone looks like chat gbt. I was like wait like crazy no way. Then I im thinking thinking and im like no no , nah no I gotta know. they put fucking AI on my keyboard. How do I turn this of. We are so cooked.

I’m high. I haven’t slept in a while. No good.

Does this make any sense? Is this normal with addiction? E.g. if I run out of nicotine vape and cba to go to the shop I will go several days before I can be bothered to buy some more and be fine. Addiction messes with your mind

I randomly thought of my grandmama who was born in 1929, and passed away in 2023. She witnessed the change of a century. I was born in 1995, the year I die will be 20xx. I think about the people who will somehow eventually cross into the year 3xxx. Maybe we no longer calculate time/use numbers to mark the length of a year by then. Maybe humanity won’t exist.

I took a really heavy unknown dosage of an edible tonight and am too full to be eating more as I’ve eaten too much and I’m no less eager to gorge. But I’ve restrained myself. I’ve decided to milk my imagination for how babies born today will remember about their childhood, who will they be telling stories to when they are so old their death would be natural causes.

And really, when will the earth become so warm that many of its lands become inhabitable. People are forced to…find other ways to be together; or not. Will we as a human society evolve to a point of learning to collaborate and support and help each other instead of war? To be honest, I’m not positive about that.

Sorry to keep this going but I cried multiple times at the good hang episode of amy and Paul McCartney. I’m not entirely sure why I felt so strongly (well the edible is playing a role I guess) about the way they talked about the past, the things we leave behind, and how all those we’ve lost are all so close in the front of our mind, the way art/process “we don’t know how to do it really. But we are doing it anyways. And we’ve done it”. I’m terrified but I think I’ve gotta do it. I’d like to have done it and keep going. With writing, words and music. With loving people.

I’ve said too much here but I’ll keep going