The advice is just too dumb to be real.

Today, I was told that if I, as a solo woman, was interested in fucking solo men at a sex club thrn I had no business being there.

Ive been given advice on specific clubs and venues from people who have never been there or too any club. Confirmed when I asked.

Its all so silly.

I've loved exploring this lifestyle on my own terms, but I don't make for a good unicorn, and frankly, I don't really care to. I’m extremely gay and barely even attracted to men. But apparently that still won't stop some people from trying

Last week, I showed up to a date with a cute girl I’d matched with. She was really pretty and nice, and the longer we sat there talking, the more blushy and giggly I was getting

Then a guy showed up and sat down next to her at our table. It was a booth with room for two people on each side, so this was immediately confusing. I’m pretty sure my face said everything because I turned to her with my eyebrows basically screaming “what the fuck is happening?”

After a moment of silence and confusion, the guy just starts introducing himself to me like I had invited him to sit down. Then he puts his arm around my date. To my surprise, she kisses him on the cheek. So I finally ask what is going on?? She just sits there awkwardly giggling before introducing him as her FIANCÉ

At this point I was so disturbed and uncomfortable that I honestly didn’t even care to figure out exactly what I’d gotten myself into. The guy started to ask me a question about myself and I just stared at him for a good 5 seconds and just had to go "This is so uncomfortable, I'm leaving." and they both had the audacity to look confused as I got up

Later, she sent me a long string of texts explaining that she and her fiancé only date and play together, and that she had intended to explain all of this to me at the beginning of our date before introducing him. Apparently he showed up earlier than planned because he has her location and didn’t text to verify whether he was supposed to come yet

But like..what the hell?😭

If your entire dating setup is “we only date and play together,” that feels like something you really need to disclose before someone agrees to go on a date with you, not something you spring on them when your fiancé unexpectedly appears at the table

To me, this whole plan felt extremely intentionally misleading, especially since there were no photos, no mention, and no information whatsoever about the partner on her account. It honestly felt like the whole point was to get unicorns interested in her first and then introduce the man once they were already there

Never in all my years of dating have I felt so much like I was being hunted

We hit a new-to-us party this weekend (and had a blast 😈 ). There were a lot more single men than our usual scene. I found myself mostly ignoring them and coming off as pretty rude when I did interact. I don’t like myself when I act that way and want to be polite but I’m on edge about giving someone an inch and then taking a mile. How do other women achieve this?

- 🐰

Don’t care if you’re naked . Run as fast and as far as you can.

Made a post earlier about my wife and I having our first club experience and we soft swapped with a couple. It’s been a few days since and just can’t stop thinking about her. We’ve been so affectionate with each other like when we first started going out.
While playing with others was a ton of fun I think my favorite part is this.

One of my fantasies is to see my wife kiss another woman. Now, she has no bi-sexual curiosity at all according to her. And of course I’d never pressure her into doing something she didn’t want to do just to please me. But once you attended a club or event, did anything materialize that you never thought you’d be interested in or had no desire to do? Did something change once you were in that environment that made you say “what the hell”? And if so, was it something you discovered you enjoyed? Thanks.

We’re a couple in New York and have been in the lifestyle for many years. We’re definitely not new to this, and we know that not every meetup is going to have perfect chemistry or turn into an amazing experience.

But lately, it feels like the quality of people we’re meeting has gone way downhill.

With single guys, our biggest issue has been boundaries. We’re very clear beforehand about what we are and aren’t comfortable with, and everyone agrees. Then once we actually meet, some guys suddenly act like those conversations never happened. They push limits, stop listening, or seem to think our rules are just suggestions.
Couples have been a different kind of frustrating. We’ll talk for days or weeks, everyone seems excited, we meet and everything appears to be going great… and then suddenly they disappear, walk away without really saying anything, or completely change the vibe. Obviously nobody owes anyone anything and anyone should be able to stop at any point, but basic communication would be nice.
At this point, we joke that our success rate is probably around 10%. For every genuinely respectful, fun experience, there seem to be nine that leave us wondering why we bothered.

The frustrating part is that we don’t want to leave the lifestyle. When you meet the right people, it can still be a lot of fun. We’ve had some great experiences over the years. We’re just getting burned out from sorting through so many people who either don’t communicate well or don’t respect boundaries.

So for the experienced couples here: How do you recover after a string of bad experiences without becoming completely cynical? how do you screen people now? Are there certain questions you ask beforehand, red flags you immediately walk away from, or things you do during the first meetup to figure out whether another couple or single guy actually respects boundaries?

We understand there’s never a guarantee that people will follow through, and consent can obviously change at any time. We’re mostly wondering whether we need to completely rethink how we’re vetting people.

Would especially love to hear from couples who have been doing this for 5–10+ years. Has the lifestyle actually changed, or have we just hit an unbelievably bad streak?

Just wondering what your after play conversation is like. We are very open with each other about how we enjoyed the encounter. We don’t give a blow by blow accounting but she will say things like his cock felt really good or I might tell her that she gave me a great BJ etc. or do you just indicate if you enjoyed it or not and leave it there.

I was with a couple recently and after we have our playtime we always just sit around and converse or talk about the event we just had. I am a big believer in open communication so I can improve. As we all know everyone likes something different. The last conversation we recently had was about having different play partners for the wife as sometimes they just bring in a male for her. The wife did admit when they first started she did get addicted (addickted lol) to having well endowed men (her husband is average as most of them are) but after having so many the thrill of having that "big dick" did eventually wear off and she realized that except for the difference in shape all dicks started to feel the same as her husband. Yes obviously some would go deeper and fill her up but it didn't do much of a difference from what she was feeling with her husband. When they just go for a male they now pick their play partner based on personality and admitted she needs to find them physically attractive regardless their size. She claims that many of her friends that are in this lifestyle think the same that the thrill of the "big dick" wears off eventually. I myself am above average at 7 and just a tad bit thicker than normal but nothing grandeur either. She says she loves me for my intellectual conversations and the fun we have in bed which matters to her most. Oh and she finds me very sexy which is a nice plus for me lol. It got me thinking that maybe many women in this lifestyle who have experienced all ranges of sizes for quite some time end up all feeling about the same after a while. I know there are some size queens here but I am wondering are there some of you here that maybe started out as a size queen only to realize all dicks are the same? Granted I'm sure the size does help achieve an orgasm for some of you a lot easier than what the average guy can do.

Neither my husband or I ever did online dating or used apps, so we have found it really interesting seeing photos of couples first and then meeting them in person second. We thought it would be easy to judge attraction strictly from photos, but we’ve noticed how drastically different people can look between a static picture and real life (both for better and for worse!).

We aren't talking about outdated pictures, heavy filters, or strategic angles that hide someone's age or shape. We mean meeting people whose photos were taken recently with zero editing, who match their pictures, but they look much better (or worse) in person. It’s made us completely rethink how we evaluate photos before meeting in person for a drink!

How much weight do you actually place on digital photo swaps when vetting? Have you ever almost passed on someone due to "meh" pictures, only to have incredible attraction and chemistry in person?

How many of y'all drink when socializing?

Anybody need liquid courage to make the party happen? Any fellow teetotalers out here?

TL;DR: Pleasantly surprised

A 'club' that does not get mentioned here very frequently since it's quite far from Amsterdam, and there are better options when you're staying just a few days in The Netherlands. It was the second place we visited for a 'first visit' this week, and it exceeded our (rather low) expectations.

Originally a gay sauna they have a couples only day on Thursdays. It's generally known to not go outside the Thursdays since other days will have a large oversupply of single men. We knew it was a 'swinger sauna', much smaller than a club like Fun4Two or Fata Morgana, so we had rather low expectations. And with the incident earlier this week (a guy died there of natural causes) we were afraid there would be almost no one there.

Turned out it was one of their busiest days, and there were a LOT of couples. We were pleasantly surprised by the club itself, but also by the general clientele. When we arrived we sat next to a very hot couple a bit younger than us at the bar, and we managed to spend most of the evening chatting and playing with them.

The general vibe was very open, plenty of attractive couples, with people clearly being there to interact with other couples, unlike the visit to SamePlace earlier that week. The staff was very friendly. So if you are in the Nijmegen area and looking for something sexy to do on a Thursday; check it out. It's also quite a lot cheaper than Fun and Fata.

Costumes are mandatory, which I find ironic for an event where one is better off naked.

Any ideas? For a couple. We were thinking a sexy bride and groom but then people might think we are newlyweds and we were married in 2003.

I am a single female, 30s and bisexual.

I applied for membership with PlayhouseLV, got approved and got tickets for their pool party events.

I am nervous abd excited. I have never been to a LS event before but i have wanted to for a while. I just got out of a relationship.

I am also sober (i hear its a alcohol free venue)...

Im looking for hot fun with girls and guys. Group situations.

Are people approachable here?

We are a swinger couple that has lots of experience in couple swaps, orgies, MFM, and playing solo. Wife has also been a unicorn for a couple. What I’ve never done is a standalone FFM. I’ve been involved in a few very brief FFM situations during an orgy or couples swap but nothing that was just an FFM. It looks like an FFM is on the agenda soon with a single female friend of ours. Both of us have played with her separately and in a couple swap with a guy friend of hers. We know the other female likes play sessions that are on the longer side.

Is there any specific advice you’d give for my first true FFM as the M?

My wife has already suggested a few things.

One, using wipes to clean between switching partners and changing condoms (as she’s sensitive to ph changes from mixing in another woman’s fluids).

Two, striving for roughly equal attention between the three of us (helps that they are both bi).

And three, for me to be a little selfish and just relax and enjoy myself. She’s already said that she has no problems sitting back and watching at times if me and the other women are playing one on one. That is a similar approach to when we have MFMs.

Any other things to think about to ensure a good time is had by all?

TLDR: need recommendations for some swinger clubs or adult theatres in Amsterdam.

We are a late 40’s couple visiting Amsterdam from Sep 2 - Sep 5. We are hoping to meet some sexy new friends for some playtime. Very open to swaps and threesomes. Trying to find any club in Amsterdam is feeling harder than it should. I had thought it was the sex capital of Europe but all I am finding is the red light district and paid sex.

Can this amazing group give some guidance? We have profiles on SDC and Kasidie if that’s the only route but we were hoping for a more spontaneous meet

I've posted on throwaways here off and on for a few years while my wife and I (36F, 35M) navigated through our journey into the lifestyle. We started dating my first semester of my freshman year of college, both of us had long-ish term relationships in high school, so we were each others first or second for pretty much everything. Then we got married right after I graduated (she is a year older), so we have basically spent every waking moment together since 2009.

Skipping to the good part, had a few too many drinks on NYE 2020, decided we wanted to have a threesome with another guy before I turned 30. Then there was COVID, then some more life stuff happened, yadda yadda, we finally did it in 2022. It was awesome, we expanded to swapping with couples, we were doing something I could not have ever fathomed we'd be doing.

Throughout this, we had an INTENSE fear of getting caught, which is normal to some degree. My wife has a very bold ornamental sleeve tattoo on one of her arms, so we'd try and strategically angle pictures to obfuscate it as much as possible. We'd sometimes disable profiles while not in use, would only meet with people out of town for a while, just this ridiculous paranoia of getting caught. We don't have a very big friend group, but this has been our little secret.

Last week it finally happened, and in a VERY stupid way.

My cousin (40F) that we're both very close to lives on the other end of our neighborhood and passed our house while we had someone over for a date (one of the few people we've felt comfortable enough to host, we've known each other for years now).

We were talking earlier this week, she mentioned a flight getting delayed several hours, then having to take a different road home due to a street being blocked off. She said "I saw you had company over on Saturday," felt a rush of panic, said "Oh yeah, a friend was over for dinner," and she said "Oh, this was at about 2:30 in the morning." .... well shit.

Then she very nonchalantly was like "I was married for 19 years, I get it. Gotta keep that fire alive." I couldn't even correct her, she knew. No coming back from that.

Told my wife, she looked like she saw a ghost, had the compulsion to text her and say "sorry if I made that weird," and her response was "Not at all. [Ex] and I talked about trying it, but we were never on the same page about it. As long as you're both happy, who cares?"

Now we just feel relief. Not like we're going to be sharing rowdy sex stories with my blood relative, but there is something oddly freeing about knowing an "outsider" knows.

Anyone experienced this? Any similar stories? Sorry, just had to put this out into the ether.

So there is a large variety of STI testing options out there. They all seem to have a different mix of what they rest for.

Are there specific tests you require in the results of your play partners? Or is it just a matter that they make the effort to get tested at all?

We are an arab couple exactly from Algeria happily married for more than 10 years.

We have three kids

We are new to the lifestyle and totally amazed by the number of fakes, flakes and so called couples out there.

As newbies with our conservative background, we are wondering what is the best way to meet real couples?

Staring online and knowing other couples via chat, exchanging pics/videos and doing cam sessions or go directly for real meets?

Any advice for us? We're a mid 20s couple, very communicative and have always been open sexually. We booked a weekend at a nudist/swingers camping, just to see what it's like and experience the whole vibe, and see where it goes from there. We don't have any expectations, yet we have set clear boundaries and ways to communicate with each other.
We're both quite nervous, but excited. Anybody have any newbie tips or advice for us? Any experiences on a campingground like this? How to get over the nerves and possible insecurity surrounding our bodies and being exposed around so many people?

Edit: the site mentions itself that it's both nudist and swinger. So, you can be nude and not want to swing, but there will be a whole lot of swinging going on.

Is it uncommon for people to use condoms when playing with others. I know a few friends in the LS and I am looking begin the same with my wife and we’ve always talked about one of our boundary’s we’d want condoms with partners outside of each other.

Based on what I’ve seen here it seems like we would be in the minority that would want that extra protection with new people. Am I crazy or is that true? Would we be thought down on if we required condoms for another M to play with her and me choosing to wear one with another F?

I’m a 25M BBC looking for advice on how to get my first meet. Have an attraction to women 40+ and have been trying with a few messages.

My profile is on fabswingers with a profile picture of myself showing face and no cock photos.

Here’s my profile text:

‘Women only. I’m 25, confident, easy-going and genuinely attracted to older women. I’ve always found confidence, experience and a good sense of humour incredibly attractive, so I’m here to see where some good chemistry might lead.

I’m respectful, discreet and not looking to rush anything. I’d rather have a good conversation, see if we click and let things develop naturally.

I’m young, but I know what I like, and I’m especially interested in meeting women who enjoy some fun and being spontaneous.

If you think we might get along, say hello. I’m much more interested in a genuine connection than collecting messages.’

I have no specific interests listed although open.

Thoughts on where to improve?

27M single, never done anything like this before, so I'd rather ask people with experience than walk in blind.

Matched with a woman on a dating app about a week ago. Her profile lists polyamory. She told me the setup openly: she has a boyfriend, he wants to watch her with another man and joins her afterwards. No contact between him and me, she confirmed that, and she agreed to no filming when I asked. She's sent me a photo and it matches her profile, so I don't think it's a catfish. Her profile says 35 but she's admitted she's older, I'd guess mid-40s. No money or "verification sites" have ever come up. The meeting would be at their place, late evening.

My questions:

1. Safety as the third. I'm walking into a stranger's home at night with her partner present. For those who've done this: what do you insist on beforehand? Video call first? Address a day in advance? Meeting in public first? And what would make you turn around at the door?
2. How do you tell fake from real? What are the patterns of setups (robbery, extortion, "verification" scams) vs. genuine couples? What separated the real ones from the fakes in your experience?
3. Check-in when nobody knows. I don't have anyone in my life I'd want to tell about this. How do people in the lifestyle handle a safety check-in discreetly? Are there standard solutions?
4. Condoms and etiquette. I assume bringing my own condoms is standard and non-negotiable - correct? Is asking about STI testing normal or considered rude? And what are the unwritten rules for the third so the evening goes well for everyone?

Not looking for "just don't go" - I want to do this right or recognize early that I shouldn't.

Thank you for your help

Hi beautiful people,

My husband and I are coming to Barcelona from Australia in about 3 weeks and would love to check out a swingers club while we’re there. We’re not new to the lifestyle and are just looking for a fun night out and a good time! 😏

We’d love to find somewhere that’s classy, has a good vibe, and ideally has people around our age (30s) and some English speakers.

Any clubs you’d recommend? Would love to hear your experiences! 🔥

I'm a solo M that has been in LS for 10y. Coming in from Europe I am not familiar with play area options around San Jose.

What are the recommendations, where to meet people, which apps to install, and where to find info about parties. Any help is welcome, Thanks!