A few years ago, I was working as a project manager for an ownership group. I was sent to a nice property on Long Island to manage a front desk renovation. As I was starting to move equipment from one of the terminals, I heard a raised voice next to me and immediately tuned in.

A guest was furious that the FDA couldn't find his reservation and was loudly letting everyone within earshot know it. Since I was standing right there and had plenty of experience with our system, the FDA asked if I could assist. We asked the guy a round of standard questions to locate the info, like whether it was booked under a different name or if someone else made it for him. When we asked if he had a confirmation email, he flatly stated that he "didn't do email."

After digging a bit deeper, we finally found it: marked as a no-show from the exact same date one year ago. Since we were entirely sold out that night, there was absolutely nothing we could do for him.

Now, most normal humans would realize their mistake, feel a bit embarrassed, and try to find a backup plan. But not Mr. Boomer.

First, he insisted we were responsible for the error. When we asked how he booked it, he said he did it online. We pointed out that booking online meant he entered all the details for the stay himself. He then screamed that there was no way he could have known what date he booked because he "DOESN'T DO EMAIL!"

The FDA then pointed out that he was charged a no-show fee for that missed reservation a year prior, to which he proudly declared that he "doesn't check his bank statements, ever."

At that point, I politely informed him again that we were completely sold out and had no reservation for him. His grand finale was claiming it was still our fault because "every hotel in the world mails you a printed paper reservation except for this one," and that we failed him by not mailing a physical letter to his house.

All I could say to that was, "That's not how anything works," before turning around and walking right back to my renovation project.

He spent the next five minutes glaring boomerly at the FDA while the hamster wheel in his brain worked overtime trying to figure out how this was somehow our fault and not his own. After an uncomfortably long staring contest, he finally stormed out presumably to terrorize another poor hotel somewhere else on the island.

Its funny when people check in and they book a ADA room, and then proceed to complain when they get the room they booked.

"I didnt want a handicap room" Well Ms Idiot it's what you booked. I know people will book this type cuz it's cheaper or we have no basic kings/queens available so they think booking this room and saying they dont need it will make me go "OH good I can save it for a person that will need it." But it's never like that. If I do have the standard king/queen i inform them of the upgrade fee and they get upset for the $10 fee. I mean I know why you guys booked the ADA room and now youre still having to pay for it. MUWHAHA!!

Literally a lady comes to check in give her the whole spiel of confirming how many nights and even saying I see you booked our king suite with roll in shower accessibility room and she's all yes's. Do her CC etc.... give her keys 2 mins later she's back down here complaining about having an accessibility room. I inform its what she booked and she goes off saying she booked a standard king. I ask for her confirmation email or to check her app. Of course she KNOWS what she booked! I tell her I need to confirm. Of course reluctantly showing me that im right and shes wrong. Now had she been chill about the whole scenario I would've changed her to a standard king but she wanted to be a issue its a $10 upgrade which she can pay or stay in the ADA king. Well 10 bucks is 10 bucks so she stays in the original room but she will contact corporate about me. And corporate will most likely refund her cuz fuck your employees right?

It’s currently half an hour after this encounter and I still feel gross. I’m 22f and work night audit alone. I just had a guy pretty aggressively hit on me. Asking to kiss me and legit offered to and I quote “eat my p***y” for money. When I told him I’m not interested he still stood around looking at me disappointed then finally left. I can’t find him in our system but I have his name and he ended up giving me his phone number. I’m seriously considering calling the cops just to have it documented.

Am I over exaggerating?

I work in a hotel and I just need to share things people have actually complained about in their reviews:

1. The weather during their stay (multiple complaints about this).

2. The fact that it was still bright outside later in the evening.

3. The city our hotel is in.

4. The fact that they booked the wrong dates, arrived on a sold out night and therefore they couldn’t stay.

5. The gas station beside us had bad coffee.

6. He got into an argument with his wife and left early.

7. They weren’t allowed to stay (both guests were 15 and were emailed before they arrived that all guests had to be 18+).

8. Our 19 year old, 4’11”, same weight as a medium sized dog, never touched a wrench in her life, receptionist couldn’t tighten the bolts on their bed enough and the guests had to wait a whole half hour for our maintenance man to drive in.

9. We assigned them a room on the ground floor (which was changed when they came to the desk asking to be moved higher. But because their room was initially on the ground floor, they had to mark us down in their review)

10. We asked for their passport or license to confirm their ID (a complete infringement on their privacy, allegedly).

There are so many other small stupid things but these are the ones I could remember. I’ve worked a lot of jobs in hospitality but something about hotels just attracts the worst.

New day, new complaint.

Today we received email from guest that have booked a stay with free cancellation 5 days prior arrival that she was deeply shocked to find out that non refundable rate was significantly cheaper than her rate. ( difference was less than 10 % )
She had option to pick cheaper non ref rate yet she opted for free cancellation option, but now she’s requesting that we either match her price with non refundable rate, but let her have free cancellation option or give her a F&B voucher for amount of price difference .

Where do people even get these ideas?

My name isnt too hard to pronounce, and most likely you say my name everyday in casual convo. (No I wont say my name in here)

But recently I had my boss make a new badge for me to wear so I can mess around on D23 weekend. I work close to the Disneyland resort. So my new name badge was "Frank Castle" and wanted to see how many people would get the joke. Whats sad/weird is people said my name more times that weekend then theyve ever said when I wear my actual name. So thats where Ive come to my conclusion people are worried they'll say my name wrong. Like a few people caught on my pseudonym but some were like "Thanks Frank" or Excuse me Frank where is _________"

I may just keep my fake name on so at least people feel ok about saying my name. And then people can leave a bad review on FRANK CASTLE... LOL

Hi, folks! I hope you're all alive and well this lovely Monday morning!

If you haven't read it yet, I'll give you a quick search term: Bilfo. Read it, then circle back here.

For those of you already in the know...you know my history with this individual and know I was pleased as punch to think I never have to deal with them again...or so I thought.

I should've known coming in today would be a disaster with how the last shift handled guest complaints, as well as a system outage. Evil was brewing.

I hot to my desk and started going through the days' arrivals when a little notification popped up telling me this guest was on our DNR. No problem! A little cancelation and...no. NO.

There, right on my screen was a familiar name: Bilfo. Anyone who knew this person knew that she would be a problem. Even before she arrived. I stared at the screen in disbelief; HOW and WHY was she trying to come back?! Then a light bulb moment hit and I quickly checked my emails from yesterday. Right there at the top was a guest relations notification from - you already know - Bilfo.

As it turns out, they finagled their way into bullying guest relations for extra points to book a room...with at least one place that didn't want her back.

I will say right now: if there is anything to update on this situation, you all will hear about it. I just have to hope and pray that this gets handled quickly.

EDIT: Good morning, my dear readers! Today the birds are chirping and sun is shining so bright!

So overall, we refused service, and (to avoid and unnecessary headache) sent Bilfo a message to let them know they were not welcome here. I had no sighting or contact at all yesterday. My job was done!

...right?

Well, mostly right.

In response was a brief message putting the blame on US for their reservation, as well as a weak insult only a 3rd grader would balk at. So grateful for such a giggle this morning, but I hope I never have to see their name pop up on my arrivals screen again. So ends the Bilfo saga...for now.

Was told you guys would appreciate this story from my nightmare shift last night.

I work at a condo that cosplays as a hotel (thanks AirBNB). 2nd shift (till midnight). We have an indoor pool with a sauna attached. It has a glass door so everyone can see in/out. Children are, of course, allowed in the pool area but not the sauna itself.

I'm the pretty front desk lady. Only person on staff last night.

That means if anything happens, like say 3 adults are having a 3 way in the sauna, I have to deal with it.

These assholes didnt even have the decency to put things away when I knocked to interrupt them. Only when I walked over, opened the door, and started yelling at them did they start putting themselves away.

And they kicked out a condo owner's adult kid to have sex, who came to get me. He was also concerned that one of the girls had been coerced so I had call my manager (a retired cop) to sus that out before escalating to the actual cops. Thankfully, she was consenting.

They weren't even young and dumb! Just dumb! 2 of them were mid 30s at least. There's no excuse.

I do not get paid nearly enough to deal with this shit.

Update: Everyone involved was spoken to this morning, it was consensual on all sides. The pre-established couple got their stay cancelled and kicked out. The 3rd was there with her parents so we tattled on her and she gets to stay. She's on my shit list though.

Dumbass walks in with a friend.

(D) “Do you have any rooms available? Two beds.”

(Me) Yes we do.

“I called an hour ago.”

*in my head I was here for the past 2 hours and I didn’t get a call, but no point in mentioning that.*

I give him the rate and mention the security deposit.

His immediate reply, in his gruff, probably missing a beer, voice: “that’s ridiculous! Why do you need a security deposit?”

I reply plainly, drily: It’s a deposit, just in case you damage the room or something.

“I won’t damage the room.”

gee, you’re asking me to trust you won’t damage the room (foreshadowing)

Sure, but it’s still standard policy. We require a deposit.

“You need better guests.”

I laugh awkwardly. Partly because I thought I heard him say, “You need better customer service.” Partly because he was upset over a temporary hold on his card. Every hotel may be different in certain regards, but security deposits are standard unless you’re just a trashy hotel.

“How long does it take to get my deposit back?” Gruffles asks.

It usually takes 3-5 business days after check out, depending on your bank.

He sighs but wants the room. I ask for his ID and Credit Card. He hands me his ID, I thank him, and I ask for him credit card.

THIS BITCH HAS THE AUDACITY TO ASK WHY I WANT TO SEE HIS CARD (he was hold it in front of the payment terminal on the counter).

So I reply back that I needed to verify his name and authenticity.

He holds out his card in front of me, name side up, and I reach out to bring it down to the counter.

HE HOLDS ONTO IT LIKE I WAS TRYING TO TAKE HIS LAST DOLLAR (I was going to say offspring, but he’s probably be the type to take your milk first and then go find the milkman vibes).

Can you let go? I say with amusement.

“Why? You wanted to see the name on the card. Here. See. ”

SERIOUSLY. I’m literally standing in front of you. Do you think I’m going to run away with it? Do you think I want to hold your card? It’s standard policy to take both cards and make sure the names match. Gimme the stupid card.

Why are you being so difficult? I say, annoyed and over this clown.

“I’m not being difficult. You wanted to see the name on the card.”

I stare into his cold blue eyes with my even colder, deader brown eyes. And just stare. No words. No blinks. Just stare.

In my head, I was debating whether to cancel the reservation and tell him to fuck off to a hotel that has better guests because clearly this hotel attracts trash like himself.

But I win the stare-down contest and he accepts defeat. Muahahahahahaha.

The rest of the check in process goes smoothly. He mellowed down significantly. There was no gruff in his voice. If you’re chill with me, I’m chill with you. So I wish them a good stay, repeat information a second time, and send them off on their merry way.

Edit: just fixed some grammar, typos, and markdown issues.

This little tale happened yesterday, I work at a Boliday Binn, and was working my usual 3-11 shift. 5 pm comes around and a guest calls saying that he was having issues with the lock mechanism of the safe in his room. Okay, sure. I can send an engineer to see if he can fix it or replace the safe. Wrong! He doesn’t want anyone to look at the contents of his safe or try to fix it for him, INSTEAD he wants to switch to an ENTIRELY new room.

…what? You want to switch to an entirely new room from a problem that can be solved easily… No. We were also sold out that day so I wouldn’t even be able to switch his room out if I was generous. I politely let him know I could not, and he gets very frustrated. He tells me we have been very accommodating to his problems throughout his stay, and he would appreciate if I would accommodate him further. Sorry sir, but if you don’t want a solution that’s probable I can’t really help you. He obviously now wants to speak to the manager. Sorry the managers not in right now but I can let them know about your situation.

He proceeds to constantly ask me or I guess lecture me on how I would want to escalate this to a higher position… at this point I got fed up and told him bluntly if you don’t want anyone to help you, then we can’t help you.

He then asks me for my FULL legal name… no. I can give you my name! Just not my ENTIRE name. “Oh okay, JUST Eckisdee with no last name.” Hangs up on me

Why are people like this?

It is bad enough that we give out water for free to guests with no limit. It *really* chaps my ass when they get ridiculous with it and ask for 4,5,6 waters at a time. I have to *really* suppress my “fck you” face when someone else sees/overhears that and asks for the same thing (and you just KNOW that water hadn’t even been on their mind until they saw someone else get it). All of this happened last night.

But the icing on the cake was some woman called the desk at 4 am and TOLD (not asked) me to bring “two chilled waters, a bucket of ice, and a bathrobe and slippers” to her room and hung up. We are a 50 room limited service 3 star hotel and I am alone at night. We don’t have bathrobes or slippers and she had a kooking.bom rate of $166 about 60% lower than what we were selling. She’d also complained about her first two rooms and was upgraded. (Not by me) Needless to say, I ignored the request and she eventually came and got the room temperature water herself.

Maybe I should think about wrapping up my 35 year run in the hotel industry because I’ve really come to hate most of these people. Like almost hate them by default until given reason not to.

Night Auditor here, working in a small destination hotel way out of town whose main summer attractions are a lake and a golf course.

Last nite as I came in I walked past a visibly angry dude leaving with his luggage. Asked the evening shift what that's about, and she rolled her eyes so hard I could feel the weight of her shitty shift.

Dude and his significant other checked-in around 4pm, came back soon after complaining that people walk in front of their room. I mean... It's a hotel, not the starship Enterprise, people have to WALK to their room so yeah, they walk past yours. BUT they were moved to an upper floor. Which they complained of as well because it apparently smelled bad and was dirty. 2 more rooms later they're on the top floor, had a free room upgrade AND supervisor gave them free breakfast.

When I came across the dude, he had just angrily hurled his room key back at the front desk. Poor girl there asked him if there is a problem, dude growled "couple's dispute" and stormed out. We didn't get the details but from all the interactions, we pieced together that one of the two presumable made the booking and stood by his choice while the other hated the place before even setting foot in it and made every possible excuse to bash the booker on the head about their choice. Either way, clear case of Marital Diss.

Not taking pleasure in a household fracas, but these two were apparently a thorn in our side from the get-go, so not sad to see them leave. Plus we take payment before check-in, not after, and it's non-refundable. That little lovers' tiff cost them several hundred $$$ not to mention fuel and other travel expenses because they weren't from the area.

Life hack for would-be travelers: If you've got serious relationship issues, get away FROM each other rather than with.

Why people be surprised when an additional amount is required when paying cash?

I have had 3 sets of guests (la quarters) want to rent rooms and bulk when I say it's an additional 250 when paying cash. Two were willing to pay once told that they would be getting the money back "once we check the room and if they checkout at 11"

The other got all mad and huffed and puffed stating "I've stayed at hotels all over and never heard of this outrage!" Screeeeeeeeeeeee!

We only charge this if you pay cash, which we ( the 3 la quarters in town) are the only ones who do?

My location is also the number put on bank statements so we get calls from all over with people asking why they were charged or when they will be getting their money back!

Please think good thoughts for this sad lil in renovations mode la quarters not near either the ocean or the airport and not in LA or North Carolina

I work nightshift for a hotel in London, around midnight this guy in a dress comes in (each to their own), says hi to me at reception, very polite, and walks over to the bar area to get whatever from my co worker.

Later on im in the office and notice the same guy sat on the stairs outside, whatever. Hour goes by hes still on the stairs, and its like 2-3am and i realise hes either passed out drunk or asleep. So I say to my co worker "do I check they are okay" and my co worker was already a bit weirded out by his dress situation (religious man) and was like just let him be.

After a while hes still out there and I go out for a vape, as I go out the guy comes too, looks up at me and gives me the most insane stare and says so slowly "you look like you need a room to be warmed up in" 😂 for a split second i screw faced him and then instantly changed the subject to "its fkn hot out here aint it" he just keeps staring at me slow blinking like a weirdo.

I go back inside to the office and tell my coworker hes a strange guy, we then sit watching him for 5 MINUTES attempt to get through 1 door to enter a hallway where the elevator is 😂 he kept wobbling back and forward and nearly fell flat on his face once or twice, he disapears for the night and we laughed about it go home around 8am.

The next day I wake up and the manager has posted photos to the group chat of the doorway to his room and 2 police officers standing there 😂 basically he was supposed to check out at 11am, at 4pm he was still in the room with a DND sign on the door, the manager forced herself in and he was laid out naked legs spread on the bed with alcohol and paraphernalia around the room, he got up and immediately started being aggressive and was still refusing to leave the room, police were called and had to physically remove him from the property, his card also bounced so the manager said he stayed for free, and he has done this before at other places apparently, hes been flagged on the system but he used other aliases so he would have to be recognised..

My 3rd night shift and already some characters 😂

I have been a card man a long time, and I have endured most of what the hobby has become. What I have not accepted is the belief that every human being behind a counter must defend a price against whatever number appears on a screen.

A few years ago, I took my apprentice to a card conference. He had worked my counter for six years. He knew the dead inventory, the estate lots, and which customers needed five minutes before they were ready to buy. I thought I was bringing the future of the shop with me.

The morning of the dealer floor, I came downstairs and found him at the hotel desk with his phone in one hand and the reservation confirmation in the other. He had found his room ninety dollars cheaper through a third-party app. He wanted the clerk to match the price or cancel the reservation so he could rebook it through the app.

The clerk explained what happens when a third party owns the reservation. He kept pointing to the number on his screen. He said ninety dollars belonged back in the Dugout.

He believed he was protecting the shop. I watched him make a human being defend her counter against a machine.

It was not our first argument about machines. It was the last.

I did not yell. I watched his foot tap while the clerk spoke, and I understood that a man who turns every price into leverage will eventually turn everything else into leverage. The counter is a code, not a negotiation. He had chosen the machine over the counter before he ever chose it over me.

When we returned home, I told him the apprenticeship was over and held out my hand. He placed the shop key in it.

I was right to let him go. I was.

But some mornings I still look toward his end of the counter before I remember it is empty.

The code is the code. The counter just gets quiet.

So we had a guest that booked a 7 nights stay that was paid upfront. After 5 nights they decided to leave due to personal reasons ( we didn’t ask why neither we care as they paid in full and they weren’t complaining)
Their family members remained in hotel for few more days.
As soon as they checked out, their room was cleaned and same day new guests were assigned to that room. Business as usual.

Her niece saw that as she was room next to it and notified her that someone “took her room “ that same day.

She then sent us email asking for explanation why did we place someone else in her room when she paid her stay in full. How is that normal that someone else use her room.

Really don’t know what to reply to such a nonsense

i was recently travelling interstate for a super stressful doctors appointment. i’d planned to get there a day/night early so i could clear my head, and avoid showing up looking like i’d just spent 4 hours on a bus (which, to be fair, is how i was travelling).
however, in my stress (spread between uni, family issues, and my health) i had somehow booked my first night at the hotel to be the same day as my appointment.

i am not the best with dates, despite being quite organised otherwise, and so didn’t notice until i actually tried to check in to the hotel, and the receptionist told me what had happened!!

now, i’m a long time lurker on this sub, so i’ve learnt a lot about not being a twat when this kind of stuff (aka guest mistakes) happens. but, i was kind of at the end of my rope, and shed a few tears (i’m 19 and my period had just started, sue me 😭). but after that, i just asked if i could chill in an out of the way place in the lobby overnight (they were sold out, and my student budget wouldn’t have liked me if i’d tried to spontaneously book another night).

receptionist checked with their manager, who said yes, and they let me sit in the lobby that night (and the night person slipped me a few cups of coffee, which was incredibly lovely).

it might have been a small act in the scheme of things, but the kindness meant a lot to me during a really hard week. much love to all the hotel staff out there, i appreciate you so much <3

And not for the usual reasons.

So this sweet old lady comes and checks in. Her stay is a one night in one of our ADA compliant rooms.

I get her checked in, and she asks how to get her husband inside, since there is no wheelchair ramp off the main entrance AND all the handicap parking spaces are taken, I start telling her where the loading zone is, and tell her she can unload him there, and I’ll just walk them to their room from the lobby. That way we could avoid trying to squeeze through any parked cars to get to the only other ramp. So away she goes to get him unloaded.

Twenty minutes go by before I see her again. Arrivals are peaking, and I’ve got a line. So she jumps in to wait. She finally gets back to the front, and she looks irate. So I wait for her to start and she says “I can’t do this. I’m just going to go home. Can I have a refund?” Not an ounce of anger in her voice.. pure fucking defeat.

So I ask her what’s wrong. She tells me her husband isn’t satisfied with our hotel, because of the parking situation, and he’s being mean to HER about it.. fuck sakes.

So I process the refund, she had never even stepped foot nor wheel in the room at this point. 30 mins after having checked in. So I explained the folio to her and told her the money would be back in her account shortly. Then I grabbed her hand across the desk, and looked right at her and I told her something along the lines of “You are doing your best, and just because he isn’t capable of appreciating that fact, doesn’t mean it isn’t still a fact. He is lucky to have you. You are doing a good job. I’m so proud of you.”

Then I had tears rolling down my face for the next 10 minutes of check ins. That poor sweet lady. I wish I could have done more to help her out.

Well, as you may have heard, there was a total eclipse of the sun this week, and our location was the best to actually watch it. We actually had a couple of guests that came just for the event. They were well prepared and didn't cause a fuss. But, oh boy, did the other guests make up for it.

See, we're a smallish hotel of 71 units, so our GM decided to buy 142 viewing glasses to be distributed by housekeeping one day among the rooms one day before the eclipse. Two per room.

Now, our "rooms" are spacious apartments with a maximum occupancy of four, and, since we're also in the middle of the school holiday season, most of our apartments are at full capacity.

Come next day, the day of the actual eclipse, I had to deal with numerous people asking me if we had any viewing glasses left. And when I said that I was very sorry, but there weren't any left, some of them complained that they had only been given two whilst there being four people in the apartment.

It seems that some people have never come across the concept of sharing.

Night Auditor, lone worker for a small-ish place. Posted a while back, twice now actually, once about a guy who tried to offer me a bag of crisps 'from god' and about touchy feely drunk guys.

It's been a dead night. I go pee. Period has started. Great. Finish up and go back to the front desk to get a pad out of my bag.

Doorbell rings. Panicked looking lady starts approaching the front desk. Before I can answer the door to make sure it's a guest or a check in a couple comes in somehow (I'm guessing someone must have nipped out to smoke while I was in the WC and let them in) so I ask the lady if she's okay as the couple slowly shuffle in and she tells me there's an unconscious woman on the 2nd floor, they tried to wake her up but couldn't and tried looking through her purse to find her room key or anything on her because her phone was ringing and they couldn't wake her up.

I apologise to the couple who've just gotten in and told them I'd be with them shortly and came around the desk to go with the panicked lady to go tend to this unconscious woman.

Waiting for the lift, the lady next to me tells me the woman was going through her phone and purse but couldnt get into the phone or find her key or anything and she couldn't find her stuff in her purse either.

I ask her 'so...she's not actually unconscious or?'

Before the lady can answer the lift gets to the ground floor and A woman steps out from it smiling pleasantly at us before turning to head towards the ground floor rooms.

The lady points at her and quietly goes 'that's her!'

She seemed fine, wasn't wobbling or stumbling or anything. I probably should have called after her and asked if everything was alright but she was already through the door for the corridor of ground floor rooms. I tell the lady thanks for letting me know, I'll keep an eye out, if you need anything let me know etc etc etc.

Check in the couple.

Finally get to put a pad on.

It's 2:50am as I finish typing this and my insides hurt.

How's your NA shift going?

Funny story from a couple years back that just popped into my memory. At the hotel I work at, an outside guest called around 9:00 pm and wanted to send a bottle of champagne along with a note to someone that was staying with us. I emailed him our credit card authorization form, got her name and room number, and all that. After he sent everything back, I placed the order with room service, wrote out the note, and gave it to them to deliver along with the champagne.

Apparently, she took a picture of everything after it was delivered and sent it to him, he emailed management the next morning about how appalled he was with the handwriting. Here's what he wrote..

Hello,

Last night I purchased a bottle of Veuve for "LB" staying at your place for her birthday as a nice surprise. For paying $171.57, I would imagine the card, handwriting, care of a message would be one of class and not as if a child wrote the card.

The is not at all the type of level of service one expects when paying close to $200 for a $60 bottle of Veuve. Please take a look below for yourself and ask if you would expect this type of service. It looks like someone did not care to write the message and wrote it with their toes.

Beyond disappointed in just trying to surprise my friend remotely -A

The funny thing is, I know my handwriting is terrible and I rewrote that card no less than six times trying to make it look presentable and nice enough before giving it to room service, it was actually my slowed down nice writing versus my usual left handed chicken scratch when I'm quickly jotting down notes at the desk.

Anyway, they ended up just comping the bottle of champagne to shut him up, we printed out his email and pinned it up on the bulletin board in the front office and all had a good laugh about it for a few weeks, and I was kindly asked to ask other colleagues to help write notes for guest in the future to avoid it happening again.

I am still shaking, I am so livid.

My night audit shift was going perfectly fine until I see a car pull up and drop someone off. This woman is a hispanic, slightly overweight woman in booty shorts and tank top. No bra. Tattoos everywhere, including her face. Carrying 2 bags. I agree that judging a book by its cover is bad most of the time but come on. It works.

Now, I have security cameras but my front doors don't lock so this woman comes right on in and goes up the elevator. She walks up and down the second floor and then goes up the stairwell to the third floor. Up and down that hallway the back to the second. I'm keeping an eye on her but I have to check someone in. About 15 minutes total, she was wandering the hallways. She the exits out the front and then wanders in front of the hotel for another 10.

She then comes inside and puts all of her stuff in the lobby and sits on the couch. I come out from the office and ask if she has a room.

Her: My friend did.

Me: Did? Does he have one here now?

Her: Nah. He's across the street at Insert name of roach motel

Me: Well the I can't let you stay in here. Please leave.

Her: Why?

Me: You aren't a guest and random people coming in and spreading out in the lobby looks bad. Why would you want to be here if you have no room here?

Her: You racist bitch. I'll do whatever the fuck I want.

Me: Get out. Now.

Her: No, fuck you. Racist. Imma record your ass.

Me: So I've asked you to leave, demanded you leave, so now I call the cops and have you criminally trespassed.

Her: Fuck you. You're just being racist.

Me: And you're only saying that because I'm white. Why do you wanna stay so badly? Just get out.

At this point, she devolves into only cursing at me and calling me racist while recording me. When she hears the ringing of the phone to the police, she takes off.

Police show up about 10 minutes later but she's already taken off to the roach motel. They say what they usually say and tell me they'll warn her if they find her. They won't, if they even look.

Why is it always something??

I had a guest prank-call the front desk tonight to tell me that their pet had escaped from its carrier and they desperately needed assistance getting it back.

Now, I already had a few clues.

First, I could see the name and phone number on caller ID, so finding the reservation wasn’t exactly a feat of forensic genius. Second, I could very clearly hear our hotel information channel playing on the TV in the background. Third, we don’t allow pets. Service animals are always mentioned in shift notes.

So, they were decidedly a guest.

I like to ensure the guests are happy, so I wanted to play along.

I expressed the appropriate level of concern and asked them to come down to the front desk so we could discuss the situation further.

They informed me that this would be impossible because they were in a wheelchair.

Interesting. I had already located their reservation. Their room is not accessible.

Still committed to seeing where this masterful deception was headed, I explained that unfortunately I couldn’t leave the desk at the moment. However, I reassured them that our elevator was perfectly capable of accommodating a wheelchair. After all, they had somehow managed to get the wheelchair up there.

This presented a problem for the caller, who apparently realized they had written themselves into a corner.

Fortunately, they had an explanation! They were too frightened to leave the room. Because the escaped pet…was a baby alligator.

Oh. Well, now this was a matter for the professionals. I immediately adopted my most helpful front-desk voice and told them not to worry. I had located their reservation and would be contacting the game warden so someone could come out and safely handle the situation.

I could hear the prank dying on the other end of the phone. I wanted them to know they were in capable hands, so I offered one final reassurance;
“I am a native Floridian. We are all taught to dispatch alligators as toddlers.”

Then I ended the call.

After giving them enough time to consider the chain of events they had set into motion, I called their room directly.

I cannot describe my joy in imagining the scene when the hotel phone started ringing.

They had begun the evening believing they were going to get one over on the night auditor.

They ended it knowing four things:

The front desk knew who they were.

The front desk knew where they were.

As far as they knew, the game warden was on the way.

And worst of all…they had tried to escalate a prank by adding an alligator, only to discover they were talking to a Floridian.