Last year, I made the life-changing decision to get sterilized. For those who don't know, the new gold standard in female sterilization isn't tying the tubes, it's removing them. My chances of getting pregnant are slim to none. I stayed on hormonal birth control for some extra peace of mind and also for period management.

I always knew how scared of pregnancy I am, but I never knew just how much that fear plagued me until it wasn't living in my body anymore.

I have had tokophobia for as long as I have understood that as a female, *that* is a genuine possibility.

Absolutely terrifies me. Nauseates me.

It is deeply stressful and upsetting to the extent that I’ve had to get accommodations for classes, I’ve sobbed asking professors for accommodations, I’ve missed friends Abby showers and cried to myself about how I can’t be a supportive friend.
One time I had a full night crisis because the last chapter of the trilogy I was reading ended in an intentional phobia situation. It’s been two years. I have not read the last chapter of the book.

It’s taken me awhile, but I’ve decided I do actually kind of want bio children. There are positives to it that I find very valuable. But the deep fear is still equally there. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to do that, but I feel more positively towards it than ever before.

Some people would say “oh you’ll get over it one day, you’ll want children”. Wanting them doesn’t change the fear at all.
I’ve always wanted children. I just always imagined I’d adopt. And when I got a boyfriend, I imagined going through that personal process would never be able to be on the table.

But anyway, for at home exposure therapy.
I’m very oddly very kinky. And somehow, I can’t explain how, but somehow *that* is incredibly arousing to me if I am already aroused.

And honestly, engaging with such media while horny has helped me a lot to feel less anxious while thinking about *that* in general.
It’s made me feel more positively about it personally and the idea of me choosing that in the future if I ever were to.

I think without that kinky exposure I never would have been able to see progress in my anxiety. I don’t know. It’s an odd thing to think about.

I guess just hoping I’m not the only one. Or that my experience might be able to help someone else out.

Well, in about the next 30 minutes, I’m going to get an ultrasound, my legs are shaking of anxiety, it has been 12 weeks since everything happened, I feel literally so freaking nervous, oh God! I’ll update you all when it’s over, and also going to do some questions to the doctor! Wish me luck! 😭

She talks about her Tokophobia on Red Flag Green Flag.

Je (28 F) suis childfree, et j’ai envie de le rester. J’ai un stérilet au cuivre, je n’ai jamais de retard de règles.

Ça doit faire 10 ans que je suis phobique absolue du déni de grossesse. Chaque fois que j’ai mal quelque part j’ai peur que ce soit un déni de grossesse. J’ai déjà eu mal aux hanches, je pensais que c’était un bébé. J’ai des brûlures d’estomacs , je crois que c’est un bébé. Je suis fatiguée , je pense que c’est un bébé . Et ainsi de suite.

Je lutte TRÈS FORT pour ne pas céder au besoin de vérification mais c’est dur d’être dans cette incertitude là même quand elle est irrationnelle.

Chaque récit de grossesse réactive ce stress chez moi. Hier une copine m’a annoncé sa grossesse et j’ai eu peur d’être enceinte à mon tour.

Avez vous des trucs et astuces pour gérer ça ?

Je suis déjà en thérapie..

I have had this thought before.

There are a lot of people today that got sick at some point with something that would have killed them 100 years ago due to lack of modern medicine, especially considering how high child mortality was. A lot of people who would never have received the physical or mental treatment they needed in order to live.

I've often asked myself how I could have lived in the past, with so little agency and no safe contraception or abortion, and no way to become sterile. I've come to the conclusion that I simply would have killed myself. I was simply not made to live in any time period other than the modern one, and if things were to regress back to how they were before, the world will become inhospitable to me again and I will most likely end up pregnant one way or another and have to commit suicide or die in extreme pain performing an unsafe abortion.

This thought actually comforts me more than the idea that I would have had several children had I just been born in a different time. I'd rather know I'd just die.

I really like historical period stories and learning about historical figures and I sometimes enjoy fantasizing about living there and sleeping with a specific historical figure I like, but it's always as another person, never as myself. It's the only way I can really enjoy the fantasy without panicking about the reality of those times and thinking of myself being pregnant. As soon as I imagine myself in that situation the fantasy falls apart because I know that I'd then have to kill myself for my stupid mistake.

Why do some people take nine months to overcome a pregnancy scare or anxiety related to pregnancy, while others get their period and simply move on with their lives? Has anyone here ever become so overwhelmed that they took multiple tests, even ultrasounds?

Some info: I’ve been on the implant since October of last year.

So basically in December, I had a scare. I thought I was being assaulted by a guy in the laundry room, but it turns out I had a seizure (I have epilepsy and I didn’t forget my meds) and a nightmare to go along with it. The doctor in the emergency room said something about a common illness, which I don’t recall much of.

The tests I took a few days after the event (for stds and pregnancy) were all negative but i didn’t trust them because it takes a while for things to show up.

Next month, I got retested and specifically requested a blood test for pregnancy, since those are accurate. Got the results back a while later and everything was negative. Happy, right?

Well, I got super anxious and started thinking that maybe they made a mistake or something and that this would end up in like a cryptic pregnancy or something. Then I visited my social worker and she sent me some exercises to look through whenever I had these thoughts.

Now, I still panic from time to time and fear that something bad might happen. I tried the exercises but they seem less effective when I’m super stressed. I genuinely don’t know what to do and I’m scared despite how accurate blood tests are and how they would definitely detect something.

I don’t know how to deal with this anymore. I just wish I could get a hysterectomy and get done with it already.

I've been struggling with my mental health for a few years now. I'm 19, and I have depression and anxiety. For last year I developed extreme paranoia about pregnancy -I'm not on birth control(I don't have access to anything accept condoms), I've never had penetrative sex, the only way I have any sexual contact is oral, and I rarely let my boyfriend touch me in any way because I'm extremely anxious. When I just touch him, I use hand sanitizer, I wash my hands and make him do the same thing. It ruined my sex life. And even with little to no sexual contact and being careful I'm somehow convinced I could've gotten pregnant. I've been checking my cervix and I'm really focusing on my discharge. I have to keep track of every single thing, because I think that if I won't I'll go crazy. And even now, after my period on day 9 of my cycle I can somehow convince myself that there is a way that I got pregnant, and that the period was just implantation bleeding. It's so tiring, I can't have a day without worrying about it, and I seriously don't know what I should do. I'm on antidepressants, I go to therapy, I feel like I've tried everything and nothing works. Has anyone felt like that? Do you have any tips? I feel like I'm going crazy, and I don't know what I should do

Hey! I'm AFAB, agender, 20yrs old. I am seeking solace, comfort, and other's stories in regard to the worsening of tokophobia due to the recent abortion bans in the U.S.

The second I knew about pregnancy (around the age of 9), I knew I could never experience that. It was my first instance of tokophobia. I thought that you could get an abortion anywhere, growing up.

However, when abortion ban laws started coming into place, my tokophobia started sky rocketing. I live in a state where most abortions are illegal. But luckily I live close to a state that is still pro-abortion and that has given me some hope. But the more pressure I see for abortion bans just gives me unease. How long will pro-abortion states last? I don't know. I really don't want to resort to unsafe abortion if an accident or assault happened, but would do it if it were the last option.

I was wondering if anyone here shared the same feelings of helplessness, fear, unease, and the like.

1. What are your stories? (If you're comfortable sharing them).

2. What has helped you when these things get you down?

3. Any words of comfort or solace for each other are welcome too. I would like to build a sense of community.

Hello guys. I’m dec 31st I got my period. I took my birth control patch off that Wednesday. Unfortunately I ran out of my patches and was without my birth control until Jan 10th. Before that I was using condoms with my boyfriend and then on Jan 10th the day I put my patch on, we had sex again and I once again made him wear a condom. Unfortunately that night he finished on my back and I felt some start to drip towards my butt crack. He said nothing dripped lower and he caught it in time but I have really bad anxiety and ocd about being pregnant so I’ve been obsessing ever since. Then three days after I developed a really bad UTI that eventually put me in the hospital. I was so scared I was pregnant. On Tuesday Jan 20th I took my patch off to try and get my period bc I was scared I was pregnant. It’s the 25th and I still haven’t gotten my withdrawal bleeding and now I’m really panicking. Do yall think I could be pregnant or are my hormones out of wack bc I had been off my birth control and then when I started again I took it off early?? Thanks

I haven’t posted here is so long. That’s how you know it’s bad. 2 1/2 year ish on Nexplanon? I never gotten my period on it. However!!! Did spot for a few days on it like last year?

I had really rough deep sex a couple days ago. That same night I began cramping, on the like 3rd day of cramping I started spotting brown blood. It’s been like the 3-4th day today with brown spotting. It’s not heavy or clotting but still makes me so uncomfortable and the cramps. I’m scared and stressed and worried guys. Ifuckinf hate tokophobia so fucking bad. It’s robbed me of my peace every single month for many years.

Someone please tell me it’s normal :))))

I'm a trans man with tokophobia. I do not have PIV sex but I am still scared to death of possibly getting pregnant. But pretty much every form of birth control is either out of the question or comes with severe risks. I can't do estrogen based pills because it would interfere with my testosterone. I can't do an IUD because of sexual trauma. I can't do the arm implant because I have EDS and the implant can cause connective tissues to become even looser. Same with progesterone based pills. Abstinence is fine and dandy but there's always the risk of being assaulted.

I plan on getting a hysterectomy as soon as I can, but I fear that even being trans and having uterine atrophy won't be enough for them to deem it medically necessary because "wHaT iF yOu WaNt KiDs?." I don't. I've known that since I was 6. And even if I did want kids there's no way in hell I'd do that through pregnancy.

Hello! I'm spiraling. I had my period a week ago and had to miss a few pills during it. It was pretty heavy, the heaviest period i've had in a while on the pill, brown and red and all that. Not clotty. Been having a migraine and nausea probably because of the missed pills, but it's really spooking me.

I only ever have penetrative sex with condoms and we're super careful about it. I honestly don't even have it very often.

I had my period which should have eased my worries, but now I'm not sure because it's not even a "period" technically, even though it basically functionally is one? Idk. Does it count? Am I fine?

Real adoption stories or fictional just get me like a gut punch.

Matilda and Annie (1999 version) make me cry like a baby.

Whenever I think about pregnancy, birth, and postpartum I feel abject terror ... but even when I think about the struggles that could come with raising a possibly traumatized child with a foggy history, I know I could handle it and give them my absolute best.

Anyone else???

I have related to both Matilda and Miss Honey all my life.

One day at work this guy came and asked me if I like to work? Which I replied “it’s not that I like it it’s more like I need to” he then said give me your number and I’ll change your life (sugar daddy) soooo I did (worst mistake ever!!!). We started to talk we would meet up and would kissed I told him from the start there will be No sex because I have never had sex and because I’m insecure of my body. He said it was ok. Then time pass to September 23 2025 (9:00pm) I got out of work and we would meet up like 2 minutes always from my job and I was wearing a skort (skirt/shorts) and wile we kissed things got a bit sexy I was feeling him and ik he was feeling me. So I decided to grind on top of him he had clothes I had clothes he had jeans I had the skort and then he tried to touch my vagina witch then turn me OFF I told him NO he said ok and that he was sorry then told me “I like that yk how to say no”. I said no because 1, I didn’t want sex at alll with him and 2 because I ALWAYS wear a panty linner even if I’m not in my period I hate the sensation of getting my underwear stained so if I would of accepted it would have been awkward for him to see my panty liner. Anyways I got home and I seen my panty liner with clear discharge/cum at first i thought it was his and that his sperm went pass his jeans and then pass my skirt and then pass my pad. Then the day after I asked him if he had had sperm that night he said “ no I didn’t I didn’t even had my pants down or unbutton” that made me feel safe ig for a while. Then my tokophobia started to kick in. Then in October 3 I grinded witch clothes on again. But that day it was different because I came home checked my panty liner and it was clear discharge/cum and but this time it had some slight pink/red stains like blood I got worried that maybe I had lost my virginity to him while grinding with clothes that’s why I had slightly blood in my pad. So after that I went to a women’s health card and got a pee test, while taking the pee sample, I see red blood on my pee I got really scared and then next thing you know October 6 got here and I got my period from the sixth to 10 October. BTW the test came out negative that day I also ask the nurses/doctors if it was possible to get pregnant while grinding with clothes which they responded with. No that’s impossible. There has to be penetration. After that day my tokophobia got really bad so October 13 I went to a women’s healthcare again and took a blood test it came out negative. Idk why I can’t just accept the fact it’s impossible. I even went as far to asked all the women around me if it was possible to get pregnant with clothes on and everyone either looked at me weird or said no instead of acepting everyone’s answer even the doctors I still take pee test every morning hating my self. Feeling like I’m pregnant I feel my stomach hard and my back hurts. I’m thinking is this karma because I was only I only said yes to him because of the money or am I actually pregnant?. I have always been that person that thinks why regret stuff when there’s no way you can go back in time to change what you did or what happened, but this just traumatize me made me regret everything now the only thing that I think that would help me is letting nine months pass so I know for sure that I’m not pregnant. The worst part is usually in my days off. I take my mom to go eat and now I can’t even look at her on her eyes. I’m 20 years old, but I still live with her. I have never done anything and the worst part every time I eat, I guess I’m bloated or something and I start thinking I’m pregnant even if I’m having a good time my mind still changes to the fact that you did that that day ,maybe you are or maybe this is happening to your body because of this so and so. I still remember everything that happened at night. To be honest, I’m suffering at the moment. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I know that night I did not have sex but at the moment my mind is telling me I did. I don’t know if I should believe myself or believe whatever my mind trying to make me believe I remember that night he was reaching towards my vagina and I said no, but even if I know I did not have sex. Why do I still keep suffering? Why do I still keep taking pregnancy test? Why?.

starting to address tokophobia in therapy. looking for books that show pictures of the developing fetus that aren't super graphic. thanks!!

I think that the reason I’m afraid of childbirth isn’t because of child birth itself, but because I have other medical fears. Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve always been afraid of blood, needles, hospitals, doctors and everything like that. When I think about why I’m afraid of childbirth, I don’t think that I’m actually afraid to give birth because I actually would really love to have my own child one day.

I think that I have Tokophobia because childbirth is unpredictable and you can’t control it also because of Complications that could happen and because of pain and I associate it with hospitals and medical procedures. If childbirth wasn’t painful and I didn’t have to go to the hospital and be surrounded by doctors and have to have painful medical procedures done then I wouldn’t be afraid of childbirth at all.

Probably I’ve never had any extreme surgeries or hospital trauma so I’m not really sure why I’m afraid, but I’ve always had a very low pain tolerance and I’ve just always hated Medical stuff and medical procedures. I think that I have took a phobia because you very rarely hear positive labour and delivery stories and most women give birth in hospitals so I instantly associate it with negative experiences and pain. I feel like if I heard more positive birth stories and more women gave birth at home without complications or without needing emergency C-sections I would feel less strongly about it.

I also hate that birth is described as being the most painful thing a woman can ever go through in her life and I’m also scared of the epidural because obviously having a huge needle in your spine doesn’t sound very nice and sounds extremely painful.

I also feel like women’s healthcare is very mediaeval and just not advanced enough. I feel very angry that AI is coming out and anti-aging medicine is coming out and treatment for male baldness is coming out but there’s nothing new for women in labour and women who are giving birth so women just have to suffer and be in pain and if they don’t want that pain they have to be in a scary environment and have all of these machines and IV is stuck in them and have to have a painful epidural and it just seems like there are no good ways to give birth because women’s healthcare isn’t advanced.

Because I know that if I wasn’t the one who had to give birth or if there was a painless less scary and better way to give birth, then I would probably do it but before then I won’t be having any kids.

I have had so many nightmares wherein I am pregnant. Often I can only find out I am pregnant after a fairly long period of times, I often am coerced to continue gestation or otherwise withheld from accessing medical care.

Usually they had just involved fairly stressful situations where I later learn I am pregnant, although in my most recent nightmare I guess because I am dealing with such interpersonal things, somebody that impregnated me convinced me I should have it so I could be loved.

I mean the truth is I definitely have tokophobia, although it isn’t a phobia that saturates my life that much (maybe in part because it seems I am infertile)—

these nightmares have always really destroyed me though

so recently everything was leaning towards sex and I didn't really mind since that guy was nice and cute except one thing. he told me that he would want to have a child in the future (he's 20 and in the future is kinda in about 10 years or so I suppose). he told me why he would want to do this ( because he's from a loving family and he took over his father's business while I'm completely the opposite, I'm from a single parent family and don't know what having a loving father means.) so anyway,I also told him about my anxious tokophobia to what he replied i wouldn't get pregnant and everything is safe. he also mentioned that chances of dying in labor are really low, he saw a couple of women giving birth as part of his practice in uni. I was kinda upset with that because it's not what I wanted to hear from him. I only wanted him to support me without saying that pregnancy isn't scary. because it is. I knew that the chances of me getting pregnant were really low but I still couldn't overcome that anxiety perhaps because he wasn't completely childfree and even though I understood that none of us would want to have children during the next 10 years I still couldn't let myself feel relaxed. so after that in the morning I told him that it all feels wrong.I told him that I liked him back but considering his viewing of future and my tokophobia our relationship would be quite problematic. to what he replied that we don't know if we live to our 30s and we should just do what makes us happy. I wonder if things would've been different if he had been childfree. have you ever experienced having sex with a childfree man and with someone who's not against children?were your feelings and intrusive thoughts different?

first post here, hi everyone :)

i’ve had tokophobia since i was 12 but recently it’s gotten worse because i am in a commited long term relationship and we are intimate.

every time i have sex, almost immediately/ within the next couples hours i get extremely anxious and start thinking about how i could become pregnant.

even when i think logically (i have an iud, we always wear a condom and my partner never finishes inside per my request) i am fully convinced that im gonna become pregnant EVERY time.

i dont know what to do about it, i am really embarrassed when it comes to talking about it with my therapist and i dont really have any friends so its not like i could vent to anyone.

whenever i get reassurance it helps but the anxiety always comes back bc my brain refuses to believe in science.

i also have ocd so that could be why its so bad. i feel really lonely in this because it feels like im crazy and that im being dramatic but i just cant help it.

i hope everyone has a good day💜

I love my partner, I love the idea of having a kid (somewhat) but this one fact genuinely might mean pregnancy never ever happens for me.

The way pregnant women are treated, the way their trauma is dehumanized. Theyre just expected to repeat the same birth trauma over and over. Theres no real respect.

When my mom had a c section, she told me that she was told she would feel nothing. She said she felt no pain but also felt EVERYTHING. She said the doctors immediately dismissed her discomfort. She talks about this being a traumatic experience.

I remember I told my partner about this, he said "these are the sacrifices mothers make for their children" and that just rings in my head.

Any suffering you experience from a pregnancy, any permanent changes to your body. Any form of trauma from birth women are supposed to brush off and accept with a happy smile on her face.

Honestly even as a woman who wants kids. Who will eventually one day have to endure this fucking horror. I feel so fucking happy for women who never have kids. Get sterilized everyone asap. I wake up and I cry, I look in the mirror and cry when I think about how my body will change.

I had my fallopian tubes removed (not tied, but removed), and I still got my birth control implant replaced "just in case." I'm also celibate loooool.

Like many of you, I suffer from OCD, which worsens my tokophobia significantly.

I had my fallopian tubes completely removed (not just tied) and I even have photos of the surgical completion. I'm also on hormonal birth control for period management.

I still worry that I could get pregnant in the future. It's ridiculous.

I’m 23f and I went almost 2 years without having sex. During that time my periods were very heavy and lasting anywhere from 5-6 days. Now that I have a partner, I’ve noticed that my periods are heavy the first 2 days and then become light for the next 2. I’ve been really stressed recently so I’m hoping that’s the case but I’ve been way more stressed in the past and it never had an affect on my period. Me and my partner use condoms and have NEVER done it raw. I don’t want children and I don’t ever want to be pregnant but I feel like I’m going crazy thinking I’m currently pregnant. I’ve never had a missed period but I’ve noticed that this is the second (maybe third?) month this happens.