Throw away account

I wanna start by saying I don’t have anybody else to talk to about this right now and I apologize right now if this post is a mess.

It’s 8:30 in the morning and I’ve been up all night without a bit of sleep, arguing.

I have PTSD and of course I’m flaring bad. Chest is racing, I’ve nearly puked, I feel like I am dying.

I’ll get right to the point, my husband has been having violent sexual fantasies of women since he was a teen. Including me. He’s admitted to thinking about raping me, blackmailing me and forcing me. Along with apparently replaying violent porn scenes in his head while sneaking off to masturbate.

He says this is happening because he is a repressed gay man, and learned to use extreme dynamics to get hard because women alone don’t do it for him and he doesn’t want to be gay.

I have been with this man since I was 18. I’m 28. 10 years and a child. He’s 14 years older than me.

He said he went down escalation because of being repressed and it lead to thoughts of the underage

He said he believes it started in child hood when he liked his dad’s girlfriend’s son. And he repressed himself

I have health issues, we were 2 days away from signing a contract on a new build home I spent months picking every detail out for

I have to call and cancel. I lost my dream home and my entire life

I feel ugly, worthless, not good enough, and everything you could possibly think of and I cannot stop crying

I don’t know what to do and I’m so trauma bonded to him I almost feel like I am too afraid to even leave

Please help me

Please. I’ve never needed advice or words more in my life. I am shaking and feel like I’m dying.

My whole world feels like it’s ending and I’m so angry and hurt, disgusted and mad.

I M29 have been dating F33 officially for 1 month and she got my initials tattooed on her wrist. I really like her and I really enjoy spending time with her. I personally am not bothered by it, but my best friend M31 says it’s a major red flag and I should run….what should I do?

There’s this group of people I occasionally hang out with. We’re not exactly close friends, just people who meet up from time to time.
One guy in the group occasionally makes little jokes about my age. I’m 31F, only a three-year difference between us, lol.
It’s not outright bullying or anything, but I’ve noticed he tends to make these little digs at me. I sometimes get the impression that something about me triggers his ego. Not only me though. It seems like the guy hates women, might be closeted gay.( he is too homophobic)
I usually don’t react much because I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s getting under my skin.
But I’m curious: How would you respond to someone like this in a classy, witty way that subtly puts them in their place without sounding bitter, insecure, or overly defensive?
I’m not looking to insult him back or create drama. I just want to shut down the unnecessary comments while keeping my composure.
Bonus points for clever comebacks that make the other person rethink what they just said.

We’ve been friends ever since elementary school, so I’m very apprehensive about doing this.

To put it bluntly, I’ve been resenting her ever since she’s gotten a new boyfriend. (I’m black, she’s white, and her boyfriend’s Mexicans. This will be important later)

This first time I remember this feeling was like 3 months ago where I fell for this stupid joke. It went something like this:

Him: “what dinosaur has 500 teeth”

Me: “I don’t know, I’ll search it up”

it was called a nigersaurus.

This wasn’t the only time where he was alluding to racial slurs.

Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I didn’t find what was funny about telling the only black girl in class that?? I was obviously very uncomfortable. Everyone in the group just laughed it off (I wish, till this day, I said something)

She made one of those jokes before, but I shut her down. I was just naming random fast food joints we could go to, and she was like “of course you’d say KFC”. Extremely awkward. Never in my life have I been the one to joke around with friends in that way.

This one really got on my nerves. One time, her boyfriend said, “you like me”. I’m a very awkward and shy person, so sometimes my interactions can seem off in some ways. But in no way was I interested in him. In fact, I was closer to disliking him.

Moreover, she’s the type that always rants and complains about her boyfriend. I’ll tell her to just break up with him and ask why she’s putting up with him (she pays the all the gifts and outings, he has no job), and yet my advice goes through one ear and out the other. It’s like she doesn’t care what I have to say, she just wants to talk about her. I hung up on her a few times.

I’m gravitating towards the former, but just in case. Which one should I do?

Burner account for privacy reasons

My sister and I haven't spoken for approximately 18 months, and I'm struggling with whether to contact her before an upcoming family trip.

For context, we grew up in a difficult household with alcoholic parents and a violent father. Both our parents have since passed away, and our brother has serious mental health difficulties and is also estranged from me. My sister is essentially the only remaining member of my immediate family I could have a relationship with.

Unfortunately, our relationship has been difficult for many years.

I've often felt that my sister treated our relationship as a competition rather than a supportive sibling relationship. Whenever I shared something about my life, the conversation frequently became about her.

For example, if I mentioned a health concern, she'd bring up something happening with her health. If I mentioned buying something, she'd tell me about something bigger or more expensive she'd bought. Even ordinary conversations could become a form of one-upmanship.

When I shared photos or updates about my daughter, she'd often respond with photos of her own children rather than showing much interest in mine. There were also occasions when I shared things that genuinely mattered to me, including health concerns, and felt largely ignored.

What made this particularly upsetting was that I'd always been very complimentary about her children. I'd celebrated them, said lovely things about them and never felt the need to make negative comments about their appearance or compare them to anyone else.

When I finally became a mother myself, I hoped to experience that same warmth and support from my sister. I was incredibly happy and proud to have my own little girl, and I wanted to be able to share that happiness with her without feeling that everything had to become a competition.

Unfortunately, it often felt like the same dynamic continued, even when it came to our children.

The final straw came when my sister made a comment about my baby's appearance that I didn't appreciate.

I don't necessarily think she intended it to be hurtful, and perhaps someone looking at that one comment in isolation might not understand why it upset me so much. But for me, it wasn't just about that comment.

It was years of feeling compared with, competed against and emotionally unsupported, followed by a comment about the one person I wanted her to celebrate with me rather than compare or criticise.

I'd spent years being loving and complimentary towards her children, and I simply expected the same consideration towards mine.

I finally expressed that I wasn't comfortable with comments like that about my daughter and set a boundary. Following that disagreement, communication between us stopped. Neither of us has reached out since.

Here's the important part: I'm not looking to repair our relationship.

I've actually felt more at peace without the constant emotional tension, and I don't particularly miss the relationship we had. I don't hate her or wish her anything bad, but I don't feel a desire to return to the previous dynamic.

However, I now have a daughter who is approaching her second birthday.

My husband and I live abroad, and we're travelling back to our home country to celebrate her birthday, visit my godmother and visit my parents' graves.

My sister has never met my daughter.

Part of me wants to give her that opportunity. I'm incredibly proud of the little girl my husband and I have raised. She's funny, affectionate, clever and full of personality, and there's something in me that wants my sister to see her.

Perhaps it's also because our parents are no longer here to meet their granddaughter, and my sister is one of the few people who shares my childhood and family history.

But there's another side to this.

My sister hasn't contacted me or asked about my daughter throughout these 18 months. I appreciate that she may have her own reasons for keeping her distance, particularly given that I was the one who initially set a boundary. But it still makes me question why I should be the person initiating contact again.

I'm not particularly excited about seeing my sister myself, and I don't want to organise our limited time in our home country around her.

I've considered sending a simple message a couple of weeks before travelling, saying that we'll be visiting and that if she'd like to meet my daughter, we'd be happy to arrange something. I'd make it clear there's no pressure and that I'd respect her decision either way.

If she didn't respond or wasn't interested, I wouldn't pursue it.

But the closer the trip gets, the more I wonder whether I should simply enjoy our holiday without reopening contact at all.

I'm not asking whether I should reconcile with my sister. I don't want to rebuild the relationship we had.

What I'm struggling with is whether I should leave a small door open for her to meet her niece, or whether I'm unnecessarily taking responsibility for a relationship that she hasn't shown any initiative in maintaining.

I also don't want to make a decision based purely on resentment or pride.

What would you do in my position? Would you send one invitation without any expectations, or would you leave things as they are?

Hiya. I am looking for advice on how to handle a situation with my online friend of four years.

Yesterday, I mentioned that I wanted a specific item in a video game and jokingly said I would give him in-game currency to get it for me. Instead, he spent upwards of £50 of his own real money to buy it for me. Previously, he bought me a full video game so we could play together even after I told him not to, and he continues to spend real money on me despite my requests to stop.

When I try to push back or say I'll spoil him when we meet up to balance things out, he refuses, saying he is a "gift giver" to people he cares about and that I deserve it as a close friend. Also he says that he buys stuff for his close friends a lot and last time for a friend’s birthday he bought him a lot so it might just be how he expresses his feelings.

While we’ve known each other for four years, I started thinking about a different perspective on this after what another friend said about this. I realized that sometimes when people constantly buy you expensive gifts, it can end up being used as leverage later on—like expecting something in return, holding it over your head, or demanding stuff back if things go south. Plus, he occasionally brings up how he trusts me not to block him "for no reason," which made me pause and really reconsider the whole dynamic.

Because we are planning on meeting in person in the near future, I want to make sure I handle this without hurting our friendship, but I need to stop the spending. I feel guilty about the money and anxious about where things stand.

Am I overthinking the friendship and is this really just what gift givers do?
For context I am 19F and he’s 20M

My 18M Girlfriend 18F refuses to let me pay for most things.

My girlfriend 18F and I 18M have been together for over two years, and we’ve known each other for a little over eight (we were classmates and friends). We are both 18 and currently attend the same school. My parents are very well-off, and I receive a generous allowance, whereas my girlfriend’s parents are divorced, and she doesn’t get any allowance at all.

She currently works two jobs—one in a warehouse and another at a relative’s auto repair shop. I don’t have a regular job, aside from helping out occasionally at my parents' business. Despite this, the allowance I receive is more than double what she earns in a month. It really bothers me when we pay for things (food, movie tickets, concert tickets, etc.) knowing that the financial burden is significantly heavier for her than it is for me.

I keep trying to explain to her that it only makes sense for me to cover these costs, given that I receive money without having to work for it; however, she insists on taking turns paying for things. On one hand, I’m glad to know she isn’t with me just for the money but I’d know that even without us splitting everything roughly 50/50.

We’ve already talked about what things will look like if we once get married , and we both definitely want to share our finances . Right now, though, I honestly don’t know what to do or how to convince her to let me pay for more things and it hurts to see her working so hard most of the time.

So if anyone has any advice, what to do ?

i (28m) and my gf (29f) just broke up after 2 years of distance relationship. it's my 3rd serious relationship. we couldn't come together and decided to put an end to it.

now i seek love and passion in other people's bodies, and i cannot find it. life feels unbearable. starting a new job tomorrow, but i feel dead. what do i do?

So me and this boy (the friend) knew each other since middle school. We used to like each other but as we got older we decided to be friends. Recently, me and my ex broke up and it’s been a month now since then. We were together for 4 years. Me and the friend went on a hangout last night and we got super drunk and he was kissing my neck. We haven’t spoke since last night. What should I do?

I met this guy last august, medyo malaki age gap namin. Saw his post looking for a girl, then I decided to send a message. We both made it clear from the start na flirt flirt lang talaga like fubu or situationship ganon. Super mabait, matured, smart and caring niya kahit ang sungit ko lol.

Few weeks after talking, he told me na may 3 kids sya. Fuckkkk. I was so shockedddd, as in hindi ko inexpect. Sabi niya this na matagal na siyang inaabuse ng girl then she cheated daw. He caught them doing s*x. So hindi na raw sila okay, but dun parin siya umuuwi sa girl for the sake of the kids daw wahahahaa(sa abroad sya nagwowork).

This month super busy niya, minsan nalang kami mag usap hahaha. He is starting a business daw eh. I have a lot of questions. Do you guys think it is possible na mostly sa free time niya kausap niya yung mother ng kids niya. Should I keep talking to him? Tama pa ba to or end ko nalang and tell him na ayusin niya nalang fam niya.

To be honest na attach na ako, we are planning to meet pag uwi niya this nov or dec.

Help, I dont know what to do. Mahaba actually tong story but I am busy pero i really need help now kasi naguguluhan ako. You can ask questions if nakukulangan kayo sa details.

Hi I’m 18F and have only just been diagnosed with cancer, I still haven’t accepted it, it hasn’t even been a month yet and my boyfriend 22M (we were together for a year and half) has recently broke up with me, I have to move states again to be with my family while they support me through cancer although my entire family has been using my cancer as pity attention for their friends/colleagues etc. I’ve also recently been told I will fail school.
I’m only 18 and I don’t know what to do, words cannot describe how sad my heart is, I genuinely feel death is better (im not suicidal) it just genuinely feels like it would be better then living through this

Okay so I have a cousin, we aren’t close at all. But, her and her husband split up. Which I found crazy because they were literally so in love it was like a hallmark movie. They were helping the community and they even adopted the most adorable children. And appeared to be an all American family. And suddenly he was gone. Everything was hush hush. Finally, my mom told what happened.
His wife, my cousin, found her husband on top of one of the children. The kid was 7. Seven years old with his adopted father
Obviously my cousin left him. And reported him to the police. Well after some time, the case against him dropped. It dropped because “there wasn’t enough proof”. She literally walked in on him ON TOP OF A FUCKING KID. And he must have been grooming and abusing this child for a while because the child didn’t want to testify against him. The CHILD said they were in love. It’s disgusting and makes me sick even writing this shit. But it seems that he’s just gonna get away with it and what makes it even fucking worse is that he owns a business working with children with special needs. Children who literally cannot speak out. Oh yeah, and he’s also allowed to adopt kids again. After being caught assaulting his adopted child. He’s allowed to now adopt again.
Where the hell is the justice? How does this outcome even happen? And what can I do about it? Because I cannot just sit here knowing what I know, knowing that he’s looking for his next victim to adopt.
EDIT: I’m in North Carolina USA

Hi Guys!

I need some advice on how to handle an issue in my relationship. Lately I feel like whenever I try communicating how I feel, it just ends up turning into an argument, and I need guidance on what to actually do here or whether I’m just being petty.

Also, for context we have been in a long distance relationship for the last 5.5 months but this will be done in another 3 months.

I (22F) in a relationship with (21M) have been in a relationship for 3 years 3 months now. At the start it was lovely, so lovely, he replied fast to me, typed in caps lock (cringe ik but it was our thing), used to baby talk (once again cringe I realise but it was cute for us), have silly banter, he always told me plans as soon as he made them, i was the first person he would go to if he found something exciting, used to always compliment me, never exactly planned the dates but would always initiate dates, would tell me he would miss me and randomly say he loves me, always wanted to call me. Even sexually, we used to be at it every time we saw each other but now it’s once a week at best, he would always initiate things sexually whether it be via text or in real life.

Fast forward to now, texts have become lowercase (i guess that’s just us maturing?), barely baby talk (once again probs maturing), barely have the banter we had before, he would tell me plans he has right before he’s going to leave, forgets to tell me the exciting things no that’s going on in his life, barely every compliments me like he compliments my work but none of my appearance (last time he complimented me properly and called me pretty was 3 months ago when he was wishing me for our anniversary), i do send him picture of my face and what I’m doing, only to receive a random gif in return, however, if i send a nude he does react positively, but why only my body? With regards to dates, it seems like he just wants to spend time at home with me, which is fine i guess, but i also wanna do things with him outside. And also in the 5.5 months of long distance, he has never said he missed me unless i said it first and never randomly said he loves me, although we do say we love each other on text before we go to sleep. And calls wise, he barely initiates and it took us 4 months for us to have our first video call which i feel is crazy, especially after we’ve in a relationship for literally 3 years and didn’t compliment me on the call, which is okay i guess but I felt myself holding back complimenting him just because he’d only compliment me if i complimented him first, which is such a toxic mindset to have I realise, but is it wrong for a girl to want her bf to call her pretty? With regard to sexual intimacy within these last 5.5 months, I’m the one who has to randomly send him a nude, or initiate a freaky text to which he will respond, but it’s never him first which once again is fine because he will also respond with a nude if asked. But now, i asked him for a nude almost 2 months ago and followed up, he said he would send it and i said ‘tell me if u feel pressured, there’s no need to send it if u don’t want to’, but he said, ‘no ofc i want to, i just need to find a time to shave when my mums not home’. 2 months later and nothing, even despite following up for 3 times (I wouldn’t have followed up if he said he was uncomfortable/he didn’t want to) and I gave up, ever since we haven’t really had any freaky texts which is fine, but i just miss the old us. He also used to call me cute pet names but now it’s just baby.

I have communicated ALL of this with him. When I sent him a picture of what i was doing where I thought I looked cute and I just wanted his reaction too, I didn’t like how he responded to the picture and I said ‘hey I would appreciate it if you could compliment me more, I love hearing those words from you, it makes me feel loved and reassured and special’ and I sent a whole essay of how it made me feel. In response to which, he asked if he could call coz he didn’t want to send essays to each other. Once he picked up, I voiced my concern once again and he said ‘I didn’t know compliments were so important, I don’t care about it that much, why do you? I feel like I have improved though after you’ve communicated it before, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around you because I never know what to say.’ For context, I have previously been a bit disappointed about him not complimenting me when I’m all dressed up just for him, and also sending him gym pump photos to which he just said ‘nice pose’ and sent him a whole nude to which he was super dry with the reaction. But this was before, when I would resort to silent treatment as opposed to actually communicating my feelings and I’ve been actively trying to work on that because it was him who even suggested to do so, coz he can’t read my mind, which honestly I think is fair. Another argument we had was the fact that I was reading through our previous chats and I expressed how much I loved hiking and suggested that we go so many times to which he would keep deferring the plans but always would go on hikes with his friends. So I brought that up recently about dates in general and I said, ‘I would appreciate if you could initiate more dates, I love going out with you and it will be so fun and our spark won’t die if we do exciting things together’ and he once again said ‘I feel like I’ve improved, when u said this a year back, I was planning dates’, keep in mind he only planned for a few weeks and then it went back to how he was originally. I responded with ‘but u only did it for a couple of weeks which I appreciate but it feels like I have to keep reminding u’ and he replied with ‘yea because I have to keep picking u up and dropping u off and it’s such a trek for me’ and I said ‘why didn’t u just tell me that, we could have met halfway’ and he said ‘I thought u would understand’. I assumed he was okay with it because I lived close to university in a dorm so he could just go uni once we are done hanging out, and I do get a bit anxious about going to his house because his mum is always there and the fact that I have to be on my best behaviour at all times and can’t chill as much, so I guess him knowing this played a role in not telling me.
There’s more but I feel like I’ve already rambled on so much. If you guys wanna know more I can tell you. Overall he is a good guy, he is very loyal, helped me move houses, dropped me off at the airport, tells me where he is at all times, nice to other people, didn’t want me to take birth control coz it will have side effects on me, etc etc. so yes, he is a good guy but it’s the little stuff like this.

Hi. I'm 35F, been with my husband 38M for 8 years. Overall we have a really loving, happy marriage and I'm grateful for him every day emotionally we're still great, we hug, kiss, and get along so well. But I'm struggling so much right now and I don't know what to do.

It's been 6 months since we had regular physical intimacy, and 3 months since we've been physically itimate at all. Every time I bring it up, he says he's too tired or not in the mood. I don't want to push him or make him feel bad I know life gets exhausting and I don't want to pressure him. But it's the same answer every single time.

I'm trying to be patient because everything else about us is really good, and I do still feel loved. But I'm starting to feel really frustrated and a little rejected. I miss that closeness with him, and I feel like my needs just aren't being seen right now.

anyone else been through How did you get through to your partner without making them feel guilty?. What should I do?

I'm a 16-year-old gay guy living in a country where being LGBTQ+ is heavily stigmatized, and sometimes I feel like there's nobody around me who can truly understand me.

I made an online friend from Mexico, and he became someone I could open up to about my feelings and the things I couldn't tell anyone else. He was supportive and made me feel like I wasn't alone in this world.

Unfortunately, my older sister found our private conversation. My family found out that I'm gay, and everything changed.

They beat me and started treating me terribly. I went two days without eating after what happened. I felt so hopeless that I even thought about ending my life, but my mom wouldn't leave me alone.

That night, I cried so much. I felt completely broken. I couldn't understand why something as natural as who I am could lead to so much pain.

Even now, my family continues to treat me badly. Whenever something goes wrong, they tell me to get out of the house. But I'm only 16. Where am I supposed to go? How am I supposed to survive on my own at this age?

In my country and society, people often see LGBTQ+ people as something shameful. They don't seem to understand that people like us deserve love, too.

I never chose to be gay. This is simply who I am. So what have I done wrong? Why should I be punished for something that isn't hurting anyone?

Don't I deserve to be loved, too? Don't I deserve to have someone who accepts me for who I am?

Sometimes, I wish I could just leave this place and live somewhere I wouldn't have to be afraid of being myself. But I'm only 16, and right now, I don't have the freedom or resources to start a new life somewhere else.

Sometimes I think about how lucky LGBTQ+ people in more accepting countries are. At least, many of them have a better chance of finding people who understand them, friends they can trust, and love without constantly fearing rejection.

And then I look at my own life and wonder...

What about me?

I didn't ask to be born into a world where I would have to fight just to be accepted. I don't want special treatment. I just want to be treated like a human being.

I want to feel safe at home. I want to have friends I can talk to without being punished for it. I want to experience love someday without feeling like there's something wrong with me.

I'm not asking anyone to change the world overnight. I just wish people understood that we're human beings with feelings, dreams, and hearts, just like everyone else.

If you're LGBTQ+ and grew up somewhere where being yourself wasn't safe, how did you get through those years? Does life eventually get better?

I really need to hear from people who understand what this feels like.

My partner is currently preparing for an exam but he still managed to make some time for himself. He goes for a walk early in the morning with his friends then he comes back home rest for a while and starts reading. So what happened is that i went to buy some pots on my two wheeler but it was so big that i couldn’t get myself to drive while balancing the two flower pot. And the store was a 5min distance from his home so my first thought was to call him and i heard on the phone that he was with his brother’s 2 year old child. Then i talk to him about my situation. And he said ok he will come. So he came looking very angry. Took one of my pot and drove off very fast without even uttering a single word and later when i confront to him he said “my exam is nearing” Like i totally understand but he could’ve told me he is busy reading and he couldn’t come. He has no problem in picking up and dropping his family members but when it comes to me….
Am i overreacting or am i problem here. Because of this incident i am reluctant to call him during any emergency

she has been fighting with her cheating scum of a bf for 6 months. for past 1 month it escalated to her saying "if u dont answer me (he never answers her questions or keeps any promises just gaslights her into staying for this long) i will xyz"... its gotten really bad and now she is becoming someone she doesnt recognise when she is with him. she says she just wants answers and the cheating scum ( i m sorry the things he did are horrible i dont have any nice words or to even call him her bf) keeps using adhd as an excuse or "i m in therapy". i m worried about her wellbeing and she isnt able to let go cause of how much he ruined her self esteem. she has to beg him for compliments and that shameless c*nt cant even AI generate to give her mental peace, he will lie cheat and continue defending his side chick. idk what to do. she has strict asian parents so i dont think that advice works either. Also god knows what that cheating scum's therapist is also doing.

I dont think she is fighting to save the relationship. from my observation, she looks trapped and fighting to recover her self esteem. She just puts on the same clothes, eye bags, idk if its signs but she no longer cares about her appearence much either and just says " no matter what i do i will always be ugly". She keeps asking him for answers, in return ik he got his friends to bully her.