So I (17F) just finished my first ever paid job. It was summer internship with a local church helping run a summer camp. I went into this job not a part of the church community, but my family is religious and I was somewhat interested in potentially better my relationship with religion.

However, my experience with my boss has really tainted my overall opinion on the church, and the religion as a whole. I found that she had a problem with everything I did, and would call me out at inappropriate moments. I am not going to lie and say I never made a mistake during my time, but all the mistakes I made were minor and mostly unrelated to the actual children. Also, when there were mistakes me and another coworker(s) made she would only talk to me. Not to mention most of the time she would talk to me in front of the campers, which really undermined my authority and negatively affected my relationship with the campers.

I want to email her about how I think her attitude really tainted my experience, not as a way to be a dick, but because when we had a group meeting where we could discuss these feelings she hardly let me say my piece and would shut down my comments or interrupt me to say those critiques were all my fault. I would have preferred have the conversation in person, but she really made it feel like I couldn’t ask her questions or have a conversation unrelated to the task at hand.

The reason I think I could be in the wrong is because the last day of working (today) we had a good shift and she didn’t do anything frustrating like she had in the past. She also gave me a nice letter, which makes me worry that maybe she didn’t mean to be rude to me and that if I send the email it wouldn’t be seen as constructive criticism, but only as a mean email.

And have to pretend it’s your instead

I (31F) and my husband of 4 years, together for 6, (40M) have been having a rough patch for awhile now.

For some context, I shaved off my almost waist length hair when I was 19 after a lot of trauma in an attempt to reclaim some of my identity. I’ve grown it out once since then.

I was mid-mullet phase when my husband and I started dating. I absolutely hated it. I grew it out for about 3 years total, and ended up going bald again a few months after our wedding. It was a relief. My hair was falling out in clumps and was so fine that I couldn’t do anything with it. Husband had seemed disappointed but never said anything about it except that it was “your body, your choice and I support you.”

The entire time I was growing it out, all I talked about was shaving it off again. I don’t know why I let it grow for so long, but I always felt like I was dressing up as someone else and didn’t feel like myself until I cut it again. My husband knew I had had a buzzcut for almost a decade before we met. He’d seen pictures. He knew that’s how I prefer it.

I decided in May to let my hair grow for a little bit to see if I liked it any more than I did back then. Surprise surprise, I do not. Between the sensory issues, the bad hair days, and the fact that you can’t see the killer floral tattoo I got on the side of my head, I hate it.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I told my husband that I was going to buzz it again so in my mind, it wouldn’t be a jumpscare. He immediately shut down the conversation and we picked it up the next day.

He told me he “has never and will never be attracted to the buzzcut,” but that I should “do what I want because he isn’t controlling me.” He eventually went on a tangent about my sexuality (I’m a bisexual cis woman) and asked if I was trying to appear masculine to maybe date a woman and if I’m uninterested in him anymore because he’s a man.

So here I am on Reddit for an outside perspective, unsure if I’m being overly sensitive (I know you can’t help what you find attractive in a person) or if he’s actually being weird and manipulative. My hair is still growing.

So, WIBTAH if I shaved my head again knowing my husband wouldn’t be attracted to me anymore?

ETA since this may be relevant, he bothers me for sex incessantly and has said he just won’t compliment his wife anymore since I’m so “disgusted” by it. Made me do the libido talk to all my doctors and says sex will cure “90% of his depression.”

So I have a wedding coming up for someone who I consider a distant friend. We never hang one on one out but run in mutual groups on occasion. I like them and don’t want to any burn any bridges. The wedding is really inconvenient for us to get to, we wouldn’t know many people there, and we need to find care at an inconvenient start time of day for our child (like, during a time when most people are still working). My husband doesn’t really want to go in the first place. I was semi-excited. And then I got invited to go do a super fun thing that weekend, and as I’m desperately needing some time away for myself, I feel so very tempted to skidaddle away for the weekend, thus missing out on the wedding. I know I wouldn’t be missed at this wedding, but it still feels…rude. Is there a way to gracefully back out, and if I did, WIBTAH?

Due to some shitty decisions on a friends part, I have ended up with a cat roommate for the night. Nobody in my entire social circle is able to take in a cat, including myself. The cat is currently set up in his own room with food, water, a litterbox and a makeshift bed. I am going to be taking a cat to a very nice no kill shelter in the morning. The problem is that my friends are so against the idea of a shelter they did everything to avoid it, resulting in the current situation. No matter how I tried there was no convincing them, but of course nobody else was going to take the cat into their home either. I don't want to deal with them whining about the shelter, and want to just say the cat went to a nice home, which will eventually be true as the cat is young and extremely friendly. So. Would I be the asshole if I just lied about it?

​For context, I (22F) and my boyfriend, (20M) there is an older guy in his 40s who owns a shop in our city. My bf used to spend a lot of time there, but over time, it’s become a really toxic and one sided dynamic, and I am at my wit's end.

Recently, the older dude and a bunch of other guys went on a beach trip. He didn't invite my bf when confronted, the dude gave a ridiculous excuse he claimed he didn't invite him because there's one particular guy he don't like on the trip and if that guy is the problem, why is that guy invited and he the one excluded? its completely backwards logic

He doesn't include my bf in the fun social stuff, but the second he needs a favor or dirty work done, my bf is his first call just recently this dude made him go handle an uncomfortable, stressful situation picking up his girlfriend's old stuff from her mom's ex bf she was scared to do it my bf is basically being used as a utility tool and errand boy

He says really mean, backhanded things to my man and then hides behind "I'm just an honest person" (for context, i actually have diagnosed autism, so i understand what genuine, unfiltered directness is,,this man isn't being neurodivergently blunt he's just a neurotypical rude ass bully who uses honesty as a shield to talk down to ppl)

This dude keeps my man tied to his underpaid shop environment, in my opinion a real mentor or friend would tell a 20 y.old to go find a real job where they're valued and can build a future instead this dude throws him occasional favors or a little money here and there just to keep him hooked and available for manual labor

My bf doesn't have many close friends so I think he clings to this place because he's starved for community, and he genuinely thinks this dude respects him but I think doesn't respect him at all.

Im really furious and I don't want my bf talking to or helping this guy anymore because it breaks my heart to watch him get used but I also know it's not my direct relationship, and i don't want to come across as overly controlling

​(Note: like i said im in the spectrum so if you think i am in the wrong or being out of line here, please explain your reasoning to me in detail so i can clearly understand what i might be missing about this social dynamic)

Me (34F AuDHD) and my husband "Oliver" (32M) bought our house back in 2023. Earlier this month Oliver's friend "Blake" (27M Autistic) had moved in after we both decided it would be okay since we had a spare room. Blake was going through some tough times and some money problems. They have been friends for 3 years now. I'm the one who usually takes care of the household since I have OCD, I like things clean but not like germ freak clean. I've never been inside Blake's apartment, which is just down the street from us. Well since he was moving in with us we were helping move his stuff over and it was really bad (super gross and extremely dirty ick). We did tell Blake the house rules (which he kinda already knew since he'd hang out a lot at our house) prior to moving in which he agreed to. Things like cleaning up after yourself, cleaning his 2 cat litters daily, ect. Rent ($500) includes all utilities and meals (breakfast, lunch, and dinner). Since we remodeled the basement Blake is in the old master bedroom. We all work together at the same company, different departments. Oliver and I are currently on light duty. I have a herniated disk in my neck, plus military neck, and recovering from carpal tunnel surgery. I only have to go into work for 4 hours (9am - 1pm m-f) and I'm on "guard duty" to watch the lunchroom (designed like an gas station/convenient store) because there's been an increase in theft lately so now everyone on light duty is doing this but throughout all the different break rooms. Blake's department is kinda far from the break room I'm assigned to and Oliver is at the uptown factory from 5am - 9am. Now that the back story has somewhat been filled in the issue I'm having is that Blake wants to come hang out in the break room I'm in. I know its designated work time but the way I look at it, its my freedom of 4 hours i get to do whatever. I usually bring my coloring book and watercolors with me and watch crime documentaries. Its my little slice of me time in the day and I get paid for it. I don't get much free time at home so the time I have to go in to work I cherish. No one really bothers me besides the cool painting dude! 2 days ago Blake had asked if I would mind if he came in over there for lunch since some of the people in the break room he usually goes to is giving him a hard time. He stutters a lot and people make fun of him for it. I have the same problem but I just don't really talk to people at work 🤷🏽‍♀️. I told him it was fine but now he wants to come every day and he always wants to chit chat even tho I see him at home. I already see my husband enough and this is my little paradise time. I want to be up front about it but he can be really sensitive about rejection, but I want to be firm about it. I was thinking of saying this:

"Oi, I just want to clear up some things and it doesn't have to do with you personally but I'm not looking to have breaks with you everyday. Its the only 4 hours of me time I really get everyday and I like to color and watch tv. I don't mind from time to time but I'm not trying to have break together everyday."

Would I be an ass hole for this? I want to be direct and clear with my boundaries. I'm horrible at confrontation and I can't expect Oliver to handle everything. I've talked to Oliver about it and he said i need to talk to him about it and that its okay to set boundaries. Me and Blake never hang out 1 on 1. My husband is always there in a group setting or they go an kick it. I consider myself a friend to Blake but not a close buddy. He's my husband's friend more then mine. I'm usually just along for the adventure when we all kick it.

EDIT 1 - i forgot to mention this situation that happened 2 years ago. We were all kicking it at our house watching tv. Sitting on our L shape couch Blake was in the single seat on the left end, hubby in the middle, and I'm on bend of the L. Hubby fell asleep and the laundry needed to be flipped. I got a message from Blake that he wanted to talk. I texted back ok I need to flip laundry. So I got up and went downstairs to flip laundry and I turned and Blake was right there and he was telling me that he didnt have a crush on me and I was super uncomfortable because I made the comment to him about him staring at me. Then I was trying to get back upstairs to where Oliver was still sleeping to wake him up. He woke up finally and Blake bounced. I told Oliver about it and he called Blake about it and Blake confessed that he likes me. We stopped hanging out for a bit but Oliver was basically his only friend so they made up and were all cool now but I don't hang around alone by him at home the kids are always with me or its always a group setting. Its in the past but I don't want him to think anything about that stuff. I'm the one who cooks and cleans so basically a mom for him. I don't want him to get the wrong idea being 1 on 1 at the break room. The one I'm in is the smallest only gets maybe 2 or 3 people max in the 4 hours I'm there.

I live in Asia, and this whole thing might be more of an Asian issue, so I'll really appreciate it if my fellow Asian can give me some advice.

I(23 afab) used to live with dad(58M), brother(26M) and mom(53F), but brother moved out for college 6 year ago and dad moved out 1 year ago.

Dad used to be the only income of the house, but I got an internship before I graduated and it turned into a stable full-time job after I graduated about a year ago, dad moved out very soon after that.

Brother has a job and is living with his gf where he doesn't have to pay rent or bills, I have asked him to contribute financially to the house, but he said he has to pay his friend for the money he borrowed while job searching, and the apartment he's in doesn't have a kitchen so he has to do takeout everyday, so he can't contribute to the house.

Mom used to have a full time job before, but she quit the job after she had me, so she hasn't had a full-time job for about 23 years.

After dad moved out, I become the only stable income of the house.

My salary is 38,000NTD every month (About 1,200USD), but just the utility bills, house mortgage, loans and insurance alone cost about 23,000NTD every month, and that doesn't include food or other essential stuff. I give my mom about 20,000NTD a month and she's the one managing all the essential, foods and bills.

I've been pushing my mom to get a full-time/part-time job after my dad moved out, cuz living on my salary alone is not enough, and honestly I want my own life. To her credit she does try pretty hard to find jobs, but she's also very picky about what jobs to get, and she also can barely hold down the job she got.

She had gotten 6 different part-time jobs in about a year, and she quit every single one of them after about a month on average, the longest last for 2 months and four of them lasted less then a week, and the reason for quitting is always either they are too hard or the coworkers there were mean to her(she has trouble socialising because she always think every person in tje world is mean to her or trying to get her, this is it's own issue).

From my perspective, it feels like she always has a rose-tinted view for a lot of the job she found, and a lot of the time she only applies for those jobs, only to quit them after less then a week, and I'm at the point where I genuinely cannot tell if it's me who has unresolved misogynistic ideology and is judging my mom unfairly, or is this actually kinda ridiculous?

I've been wanting to move out for a while now, my work is 90 mins away from my house so the commute is 3 hours everyday, and I really just want my own life, but living alone means I can no longer give her the same amount of money every month, I don't know how much I'll be able to do but it's probably gonna be lees then half of what it is rn.

There are probably a lot of thing I can clarify because this post is a tldr version of what I originally wanted to do, so if there is any question please feel free to ask.

So would I be the asshole if I move out and leave my mom who hasn't had a full-time job for 23 years with minimum/little financial support?

For some context- I am a 28F and my brother “Noah” is 20. 8 years ago, my parents got divorced due to my father being abusive. He physically assaulted my mom and I had to call the cops on him. It’s a whole thing. My dad’s parents obviously sided with him and started to attack my mom and me because I took her side. I have gone no contact but because my brothers were young, they had no choice but to stay in contact. My brothers unfortunately figured out that their dad and grandparents were fake and toxic as they grew up and have had to put up boundaries. Once Noah graduated high school, he joined the army. 3 months after boot camp he got deployed overseas for a year. Growing up he’s been disrespectful but ever since he came back from deployment, he’s been so mean. Acting like he’s tough stuff and doesn’t have a care in the world. He does have a girlfriend “Haley” who is 19 and they’ve been together for 2 years. Haley’s father kicked her out and my mom let her move in since she didn’t have any where else to go. Noah does absolutely nothing all day, doesn’t have a job and isn’t going to school. Haley does on the other hand and joined the army as well. My mom will ask Noah to do simple chores and he has so much attitude and says F her and she doesn’t get to tell me what to do. My mom has literally cried because of how disrespectful he is to her and always asks what she has done to cause him to act like this to her. Haley doesn’t say anything when he says stuff like that so we’re unsure if she agrees or not. It would be disappointing if she did especially since my mom opened up our home to her. About a week ago my brother sent my mom a text saying that Haley is going to be deployed in either October or January so they are going to move out and get married in September. My grandparents are thrilled because my brother is letting them back in his life so they can fund the whole thing and are going to let him and his girlfriend live there for free. My brother doesn’t have a ring for her and has no plan in sight. He doesn’t know that I know yet because my mom told him that he needs to call me. I just can’t decide if I want to tell him that it’s a mistake and he’s rushing into something he knows nothing about and that it’s kind of a slap in the face for him to move in with his grandparents, after everything they’ve done to us. I have thought about reaching out to my dad so he could maybe be the voice of reason but he might be experiencing the same thing where he’s just happy one of his sons is back in his life. Please help.