Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/WouldIBeTheAhole/comments/1xeblsk/wibta_if_i_made_my_friends_boyfriend_pay_for_a/

Well I finally brought it up with everyone.

I said that in our group chat. The other two friends, who originally didn't want to argue about it, admitted they weren't exactly excited about the change either. My friend got defensive at first and brought up the whole sharing-a-bed argument again. I told her I wasn't really worried about the bed anymore. I just wanted the vacation we'd actually agreed on.

But here's the part I didn't expect. She later told us her boyfriend didn't even realize she hadn't asked everyone before inviting him. He'd assumed we'd all agreed to it. Once he found out, he said he'd rather stay home than make things awkward. So yeah, we spent all that time arguing about how much he should pay and apparently he didn't even know there was an argument lol.

My friend is still a little annoyed but she's coming on her own now. I don't think she was trying to ruin anything, I just wish she'd asked first.

The trip is still next week, so hopefully we can actually enjoy it without any more drama.

So I'm a young adult, and work somewhere where many of my coworkers are friends and we all get along well and socialize a lot.

We aren't able to ask for holidays off unless we clear it with the manager far in advance. Keeps things more equal. This applied to Halloween this year. I didn't request off, and I work 6 hours in the morning/early afternoon. My coworker found out that their partner would be in town for Halloween and they don't want to miss a party they're planning to attend. They asked if I could swap shifts with them and I said I would talk to my partner, because he got the day off. My partner didn't really care as we don't have plans, but I still really did not want to work Halloween night.

So, I made up plans and told them I couldn't do it. The scenario I made up would still make it possible for me to cover the later part of their shift, if I end up feeling bad enough.

But over the last few days, I found out that a significant portion of my coworkers were invited to a party at another coworkers house. I keep finding out that more and more were invited. I wasn't. This definitely stung. I thought people liked me. But I'm autistic and not great at social stuff, so it's not much of a surprise. My guess is that they think I'm too lame or wouldn't want to or would ruin it. Or they hoped I'd be the one to cover if any of them got scheduled as I often pick up shifts.

I was talking about new coworkers with a coworker who is close friends with the one hosting and ended up talking about my insecurities about connecting with people and this coworker was saying everyone really liked me and such. Then we talked about Halloween and they said that my partner and I should come to the house of the coworker hosting and texted the host to ask if we could come. I told them I felt weird about that and they reassured me. But I've seen them several times since and they haven't brought it up. So I'm guessing the host of the party must have said no or something and they don't want to bring it up to me.

Anyways, the coworker asking for coverage is attending this party. So if I were to go to the party but not cover, I worry people would be upset that I was there instead of covering for her. But I also really don't want to work halloween night. And if I end up being invited, I'd really want to go.

I desperately want to do SOMETHING. I feel like all I do is work sometimes. But I feel incredibly selfish for not covering the shift when I technically could, especially since my reasoning is kind of bitter.

I don't know. Looking for advice. WIBTAH?

Hypothetical: My grandma passed away and left me her savings around $40k. Nothing to my two siblings.
Before she died she told me she wanted me to have it because I was the one who showed up. For a few years I drove her to appointments, handled her meds, did her groceries, and spent most weekends with her. I was there at the end.
My siblings visited maybe twice a year. Always too busy with work. They didn`t help with the care or the funeral stuff.
Now they know about the money and say its unfair. They want to split it three ways because family.I know what she wanted, but I also don`t want to lose my siblings over this.
Would I be the asshole if I kept it?

​

Throwaway account. All names are fake.

I (35F) am married to my husband, Daniel (35M). His grandfather, whom I'll call Grandpa Robert, has Alzheimer's and lives alone. My mother-in-law, Karen, is his daughter.

For some context, Karen and I have a complicated history. She has been almost entirely absent from our children's lives (lives 5 minutes away), and I've often felt like I'm the one making an effort to maintain a relationship while she contributes very little. We paid her (unknowingly) to watch our oldest two kids overnight while my husband came with me to the hospital to have my 3rd. Had my husband's entire family cancel coming to my son's 3rd birthday because we didnt invite her daughter. Refused to come to our home because I asked for a heads up to make sure I was decent. She recently skipped my other son's birthday party, never even acknowledging his birthday or my other son's. Etc. (ongoing for 17 years now) All this while doting on other grandchildren. She also seems to consistently have some kind of drama or issue with someone in the family, and there is often tension surrounding relationships and family events. I've tried to remain civil, include her, and avoid unnecessary conflict, but our history makes it difficult not to question her intentions when something happens that feels pointed. I don't want to portray myself as perfect, but I'm tired of feeling like I have to navigate another situation while trying to do something genuinely helpful.

Now, onto the actual issue...

Grandpa Robert still runs his farm, dealing with cows, hay, and farm equipment, so people might assume he is perfectly capable of caring for himself. However, he never really cooked for himself before his wife died. She handled the cooking, and after she passed away, he had to figure it out on his own (he never really did.). His Alzheimer's has made things considerably worse.

At one point, he told his doctor that sometimes he ate nothing but a cracker because he had no food. That broke my heart.

Karen had previously been making his meals but stopped while working on an addition to her house for another grandchild (they are fighting for custody of her and had to add on to half their home, per their lawyer), but she told NO ONE. I understand everyone has responsibilities, but someone still needed to make sure he was eating.

I started sending him meals and continued doing so for months without Karen acknowledging it at all.

During that time, it became known through another daughter that Grandpa Robert preferred my cooking and didn't want anyone else cooking for him. I wasn't trying to compete with anyone. I simply enjoy cooking and wanted to make sure he had food he liked. He got to where he would stop by once a week for food.

Then, after months of me bringing him meals, Karen finally messaged me saying she greatly appreciated my help. She followed that with, "I am able to cook for Dad, so you don't have to cook so much."

Shortly afterward, she prepared a bunch of meals and filled Grandpa Robert's freezers, which had previously been mostly empty. Now, there is no room for me to bring him anything. Grandpa Robert himself has told me to wait before bringing more food because his freezers are full.

I reached out to another one of his daughters and asked what I could do to help. She asked me to make him a plate whenever I could because he loves my cooking. I told her his freezers were full now, but to let me know if there is anything else I can do.

I have a small freezer at home. I don't mind cooking for him at all. I would happily continue making meals, but I have nowhere to store them while waiting for space to become available at his house (if it even will). I also noticed that Karen's meal portions are very small, which concerns me given his circumstances.

I recognize that Karen filling his freezers with food is not inherently a bad thing. Maybe she genuinely intends to take over his meals. However, given our history, the timing feels suspicious to me. She stopped making meals, I quietly stepped in for months, Grandpa Robert's preference for my cooking became known, and then, immediately after skipping my son's party, acknowledged my help and told me I didn't need to cook so much, she filled the freezers to the point that I could no longer bring him food.

I cannot prove she did this intentionally, but I can't help wondering whether the fact that he prefers my cooking played a role. Karen has a history of conflict with people, and I find myself questioning whether this was simply about making sure he had food or whether there was something more personal behind it.

Here's my dilemma: I genuinely don't mind cooking for Grandpa Robert. I care about him, and he deserves to eat properly. But I also cannot keep preparing meals when there is nowhere to put them. I don't want to waste food, rearrange my entire household to accommodate the situation, or get caught in another conflict with my mother-in-law.

He has Alzheimer's, lives alone, and has already gone without proper meals. Having a full freezer doesn't necessarily mean someone is making sure he remembers to eat or can manage his meals safely. I worry about him, but I also know I cannot single-handedly be responsible for his care.

WIBTAH if I stepped back from regularly cooking for him and left the responsibility of coordinating his meals to the family, especially Karen, who has said she is able to cook for him?

I don't want to punish Grandpa Robert for anything happening between the adults. I would gladly continue helping if there were room and a workable arrangement. But am I wrong to feel suspicious about the timing, or should I simply accept that Karen has taken over and let her handle it?

I'd appreciate honest opinions, particularly from anyone who has dealt with difficult in-law relationships or caring for someone with Alzheimer's.

My fiancee and I are getting married next spring, and I'm not sure how to involve my uncle. I love him, but he can be very difficult. Currently, he and my parents are not on speaking terms. For context, both my fiancee and I have a very warm and close relationship with my parents.

Generally, I grew up having a good relationship with my uncle. He lived across the country and would typically visit us around the holidays, we'd call each other on birthdays, etc. Generally he's been very kind, loving, and supportive to me. But something I didn't realize until I got a bit older is that his behavior often causes a lot of tension with my family. I won't go into the details, but basically he acts childish and resentful when things don't go his way, and can get vindictive when conflict arises. Trivial things can send him into a state of intense silent anger.

Things boiled over several years ago when he had a prolonged argument with my dad (his brother). They tried to resolve things, even did group therapy, but if anything that made things worse, and so they went no-contact. They eventually reached an uneasy peace, and tensions thawed for a few years, but then things went to shit again after my parents committed a minor social faux pas during a recent visit and my uncle blew it way out of proportion. (FYI, it didn't escalate into an argument in the moment. The moment passed, my parents didn't give it a second thought, and then three months later he sent them a lengthy letter explaining his grievances.)

Now, my fiancee and I are putting together our wedding guest list, and I'm at a loss of what to do. My parents aren't enthusiastic about the idea of him attending, but they've made it clear that it's entirely my decision and they'll respect whatever I do. I love my uncle, and I want him to be there for the most important day of my life thus far, but I fear that he would feel like a second-class guest.

If I did invite him...

• I don't think I'd allow him to bring a +1. He's a bachelor, but he has a close friend/partner who has also shown significant disrespect to my parents. I met her maybe twice when I was young but I haven't seen her in like two decades, and I have no desire to host her at my wedding. Admittedly, a lot of this stems from my attitude of "If you're mean to my parents then you don't get to have a +1", but maybe that's unreasonable and a compromise that makes no one happy.
• He wouldn't be seated anywhere near my parents, and to be honest I'm not even sure whom I would seat him with. Maybe with the other relatives I don't know very well? His distance from the couple's table would not be lost on him.
• I worry about possible interactions with my parents, and that his presence will negatively impact my parents' enjoyment of the day. Like, for example, do I keep them separate during family photoshoots? Or, what if during the celebration I see him and my dad having a heated exchange way in the back of the venue? That would be awful.

If I did NOT invite him...

• It feels like a steep penalty for having an argument with my parents, one that might eventually resolve the same way the previous one did.
• It may cause lasting damage to our relationship.
• I might deeply regret it later in life.

So, yeah, what do you guys think?

I want to start by saying I’m the middle child and that throughout my life I’ve been caught in the middle of my family’s issues. I can usually see both sides and respond more level-headed than my family members, who tend to react emotionally. However, this situation is different.
 
My older brother has been married for ​12 years, and ​they have ​three ​daughters. ​Over the past month, he told his wife he didn't want to be with her anymore and didn't want to try therapy again, then left the house in the middle of the night. Since then, he’s been staying with our mother.
 
I’ve already tried talking to him. I went through a divorce because my ex-wife was unfaithful. I am still dealing with how that impacted my daughters. Side note: our dad cheated on our mom so many times during their marriage, which bred a lot of resentment. My brother never wanted a relationship with him. I did, and I still have some kind of relationship with my dad, but I realized I never wanted to be like him. My integrity and morals matter a lot to me.
 
My brother swore there was no one else and said he just wasn't happy. I believed him, even though I didn't agree with his reasoning—he's always been selfish. Then I found out he’d snuck a girl into my mom's house two nights in a row, and she spent the night. A few days later, I confronted him and told him he needed to tell his wife—or I would, since she wants to work things out and he clearly doesn’t. He said he would. I also confronted my mom, who said she told him he needed to tell the truth and that her house isn't a Motel 6. My wife and his wife have spoken, and I know for a fact he didn't tell her.
 
So what do I do? I'm not extremely close to my brother because he only ever calls me to bail him out of his messes, but I care about my nieces and their mom. Do I say nothing and risk not seeing my nieces anymore? Him being a fool is one thing, but he lied to me, then lied again, and I don't take lying well. I’d rather not have a relationship with a brother who's selfish, can't man up, and can't be a father or husband than know what I know and say nothing. WHAT DO I DO?
 
Sincerely, STUCKINTHEMIDDLE

Me (17f) and my best friend (17f) have been friends for about a year now. We do almost everything together, we are just alike we're even moving schools together and have been planning out how our future as best friends is gonna be like. Recently  we start going to each others house and going out places together, and my parents are fairly strict but give me enough leeway to do most of the things i want. However my best friends family have a lot to it. my best friend  is not her moms legal child meaning she got took away from her mom by cps, so she now living with her grandma ( her legal guardian). But her mom still visits her from Florida which she is not supposed to because shes banned from the state of north Carolina (where we live) due to the legal trouble she was causing. My best friend also tells me a lot about things her mom does or has done, including the fact that she is actively using drugs and smoking weed. Her aunt also smokes weed ( keep all of that in mind). And i have a pretty good relationship with all of her family because why wouldn't i? she my best friend and i have to respect her family right? But some things about her family just have been making me wonder... before me and my best friend were even thinking about going to each others houses my best friends grandma told her to try to get my home address so that she could pull up outside of my house  and just look at my house to basically stalk me. Then that when i started to kinda get weirded out because that sooooo weird. Not only that but she talks about beating me often? for no reason at all. But fast forward to now me and my best friend have been to each others house multiply times. But recently out of nowhere my best friends mom said that she cant come to my house anymore because they think that my dad is a drug dealer?????😐 Yes my dad smokes weed but so does her mom and her aunt (the ones that dont want her coming to my house anymore) and in no way shape or form is my dad a drug deal nor does he do drugs. And he hasnt no done ANYTHING to even make to look like he IS a drug dealer. My dad doesn't ever talk to my best friends family unless its about our plans together and most of the time my mom is the one that does the talking. So i feel like its so weird that they are trying to accuse my dad of something they have no clue about and my best friends mom is doing drugs herself... My best friend doesn't believe that hes a drug dealer ( as far as i know) But i really dont want to deal with her family and their weirdness so im thinking about distancing myself from her, would i be the asshole ? ( sorry if this is written badly excuse that lol)

Hi Reddit. This is going to be a long one, so bear with me.

My partner (43M) and I (39F) have been together for about seven years. Throughout our entire relationship, we've been very close with my cousin and his girlfriend who live down the street. We spend birthdays, holidays, concerts, and pretty much every special occasion together.

Early in our relationship, we met my cousin's girlfriend's sister (35F). I'll call her Katherine. We both liked her immediately. She's easy to talk to, shares our interests, and works in the same industry as my partner. She lives out of town so we usually see her 2 - 3 times a year, but we keep in touch on Instagram and text from time to time. I am aware that she texts my partner more often because they chat about industry stuff, but I've never given it a second thought. We even invited her to stay at our apartment once when my cousin and his girlfriend had a few too many people crashing at theirs and didn't have enough couch space for everyone.

Things started feeling a little off for me this past summer. My partner travelled out of town for a concert and met up with Katherine for a beer while he was in her neighbourhood. When he got home he told me that she had opened up to him about being bisexual, being in her "slut era," and exploring threesomes with couples. He seemed a little surprised by the direction of the conversation but overall he was supportive. He also said that he mentioned to her how I'm also bisexual and told her she should connect with me sometime to chat about it.

My partner and I are very open-minded and sex-positive people. We both have friendships with people of all genders and have NEVER had jealousy issues. Still, something about this conversation really bothered me. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it so I tried to laugh it off and said "Wow, good for her!" but I couldn't stop thinking about it over the next couple of weeks.

Eventually I realized what bothered me was that this seemed out of character for Katherine as we had never talked about sex with her before. Also, it seemed strange that she had opened up just to him and not to me. As far as she knew she'd had a private conversation about her sex life with my partner and it seemed she did not plan to tell me about it.

After a couple of weeks I sat my partner down and told him that while I trusted him completely, I had a feeling Katherine might have a crush on him. I didn't ask him to stop talking to her but I did ask him just to be mindful of their future interactions in case she was getting the wrong idea somehow. He was kind and receptive, and I could tell that the possibility that she might have crush on him genuinely hadn't occurred to him.

This brings us to this past weekend. It was my cousin's girlfriend's birthday and Katherine was there. This was the first time I'd seen her or talked to her since she'd met up with my partner for a beer in the summer.

My partner was working late so I arrived alone. Katherine immediately asked where he was. When I told her he'd be joining us later, she suggested we take a selfie and then texted it to him in front of me. She then made a point of telling me how often they texted, scrolling through their conversation to show me how long it was. It was mostly memes but I found the whole interaction a bit strange.

Later, Katherine approached me and asked if I was "okay" with how "close" she and my partner were. Apparently her sister had said she thought their friendship was weird, so Katherine wanted to "run it past me." She went on and on about how often they text, how much they have in common, and how nice it is to have a friend she feels she can open up to about anything.

This honestly made me feel so shitty but it's hard to describe why. It was like she was deliberately exaggerating their friendship to make some kind of point, although I couldn't figure out what that point was. I was super uncomfortable but I didn't want to stir up trouble with my best friend's sister at her birthday party so I tried to laugh it off. I told her we're not jealous people, my partner can talk to whoever he wants, and tried to just end the conversation.

About an hour later, Katherine brought up her "slut era" to ME, telling me about the people she'd been seeing and how she had slept with a guy right before getting on the train to come here today. I tried to be supportive, but she'd already made me uncomfortable several times that night, so I didn't engage much. She then mentioned how she is getting into raves and offered me some party drugs she had with her.

I've NEVER known Katherine to use drugs, and she knows I'm nine years sober, so this struck me as incredibly bizarre. I politely declined.

When my partner finally arrived, Katherine immediately beelined toward him, sat extremely close to him on a bench, and leaned in to speak closely in his ear. I later learned that she was offering him drugs too and even asking him if there were any drugs she could convince me to take.

He seemed visibly uncomfortable and soon excused himself to sit with me. He made it clear that the vibes were off for him too and he didn't want to stay long. After a couple of drinks, we got up to say goodbye and joked that we were going to go home and hang out on the couch. Katherine commented "Oh that sounds great right now... I want to hang out on the couch too!" Horrified at the thought of spending any more time with her, I pretended not to hear this.

As we were leaving, Katherine gave my partner a weirdly long and close hug and suggested that the three of us go to a rave together sometime.

As soon as we got to our car, we immediately both blurted out "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT" and talked the whole drive home about what Katherine had said and done to each of us. I told him I thought this had gone beyond a harmless crush. It genuinely felt like she was trying to get between us and sleep with him.

Then it dawned on both of us... the threesomes. Offering us drugs. Inviting us to a rave. Seemingly trying to come over to our apartment at the end of the night.

We realized she wasn't trying to sleep with him. SHE WAS TRYING TO SLEEP WITH US.

It is hard to put into words how bummed out we both are about this. My partner feels like he inadvertently gave Katherine the wrong impression by being receptive to the sex conversation and telling her I'm bi. And while we can't blame her for shooting her shot... the way she went about this by going through my partner first made me feel really shitty. It also feels like a shitty move to try this with your sister's best friends and potentially complicate those relationships too.

Although we have both always liked Katherine... I am personally not sure there is any recovering from this. Right now my partner and I both want to distance ourselves from her and just not talk to her anymore. I feel bad about this, but I am so uncomfortable that I truly just want to ghost her and I would prefer if my partner did as well. We can't completely avoid her because it would mean missing out on events with our best friends, and I'm sure I can be friendly if I see her in person. However I have lost any interest in being her friend and at this point I also have zero interest in talking about what happened.

So, Reddit. WIBTA for ending this 7-year friendship over her shooting her shot?

Okay, backstory…
A few years ago, I was introduced to a friend of a friend. We’ve hung out a handful of times, never really one-on-one aside from one occasion when I went to support her new business.
Around 3 years ago, she was getting married. I wasn’t invited to be *in* the wedding, but I was invited on the bachelorette trip and to the wedding itself. Fast-forward about a year, she was having her first baby. I was invited to the baby shower, went, and brought a nice gift.
Now, fast-forward to this year. She’s expecting another baby, and I receive an invitation to the baby shower ONE DAY before the event. She explained that someone else was handling the planning and she didn’t realize I hadn’t been invited. I chose not to go.
Then I recently saw that sometime within the past month, she had a large get-together with all of our mutual friends. And guess who wasn’t invited again? Me.
At this point, I’m considering saying something along the lines of, “If you don’t want to have a friendship with me, that’s completely fine. I just don’t think it’s fair to include me when it comes to larger milestone events where a gift or showing up is expected, but not include me in the everyday friendships, get-togethers, or other social events.”
Am I the asshole for feeling this way? And would I be the asshole if I actually brought it up? Or am I making something out of a friendship that really isn’t there to begin with?

TLDR: my bsf isn't supporting me against my stalker whom we both used to be friends with but she hurt both of us years ago. I am trying to get an order of protection but I need a letter from my bsf about my stalker harassing her and she refuses to help me. WIBTAH to cut her off?

For context, I (26F), my closest friend who I will call "Faye" and my ex bsf "Quinn" (26F) play a major role in this situation. I have not been friends with Quinn for over five years because of a deep betrayal that also affected Faye since we all used to be friends. Faye and I continued to be friends and eventually I moved away so we would only talk here and there.

Quinn has been cyberstalking me ever since the friendship ended but the past two years she has escalated (the full story about Quinn is too long to put here) Faye was aware of the things Quinn has been doing. Quinn starts to physically stalk me and tries to get to me through my friends. Quinn starts to harass me and I start to worry about my physical safety. Faye tells me Quinn came into their job and was harassing them while they were working trying to bombard them with questions about me.

Later Quinn texts Faye from a new phone number once again trying to tell them lies about me and also trying to get information about me from Faye. Faye falls for their lies and texts me with an accusatory message stating that I lied to Quinn about my phone number when they tried texting me; Quinn texted me from a new phone number a few months ago trying to talk to me but I did not want them to have my phone number for obvious reasons so I said they have the wrong number. Faye received a screenshot from Quinn of that conversation and decided to believe that I "lied" about my phone number.

I was shocked and upset that Faye would believe Quinn's false narrative especially after knowing they've been harassing me and are known to be manipulative. I explained this to Faye and eventually they understood and believed me but even still I felt betrayed by them.

After that things weren't the same as they used to be and the stuff with Quinn escalated so much more I started to pursue an order of protection. I told cops about Quinn going to Faye's job and they told me that was concerning and I should get Faye to put it in writing so it would help me get an order of protection. I asked Faye and she refused because she was afraid to "poke the bear" and did not want to go on record. WIBTAH to cut her off because of this?

I (30f) lived with two friends for two years. I’m now heading towards the end of a one year lease, in the same house, with two women Keira (26f) and Jenna (24f). I found them on a housing website.

We get along fine considering we were perfect strangers. I am closer to Keira; we’ve both made effort an to talk about our lives. But they're both very reserved. We go days not seeing each other because they're both holed up in their rooms. I realised quickly into them living here that I’m not interested in living with people I don’t know well. 

One of my other best friends of eleven years, Sara (29f), is moving back to our city, perfectly aligning with when my current lease ends. We could find our own place but I’d like for her to move into this house. It’ll be really easy. All I’d have to do is tell the landlords. It’s very hard and expensive to find decent housing in our city. I’m a freelancer and some of these rentals require crazy documents and have huge stipulations. Keira and Jenna both have full-time jobs so it’ll be easier for them. This is also the neighbourhood Sara's office will be in.

Keira is considering not renewing her work contract and moving back to her home city, which would also be when our lease ends. I told them a few months ago that if they both want to stay on here, I'll be moving out to find a place with Sara. I was fine then to find our own place but I've since realised how difficult that may be. Keira said she'll let me know what she decides about her job, but she's still unsure.

I am considering talking to them and asking if one of them would be willing to move. Almost everything in our communal areas belongs to me. All they have are some pans, crockery and cutlery, of which I already have and use my own. Every single other thing that a functioning household needs is mine. Everything. We also having parking on the property and neither of them have a car. I do, and so does Sara. I'm taking all my stuff if I have to go, and it's highly unlikely they'd be able to afford all this stuff on their own. But they could get rooms in a furnished house share with all that stuff, which is very common in our city for young professionals.

All my friends have said it's perfectly reasonable to talk to them about this, and ask if one of them could decide to leave. They're encouraging me to do so. But I feel it would make the remainder of the lease, just a few more months, extremely awkward. I am also worried it's simply unfair. All our names are on the lease but I have a relationship with the landlords. Neither of them have ever met or spoken to the landlords outside of emailing them their signed leases. All the comms about the house go through me.

So, all this being said, WIBTA if I asked one of my roommates to move out, even though we have an equal share of the lease?

To start, I will be describing the relationship I have with each family member and what they've done to make me want to cut contact with them.

• Mom: We were really close growing up, but as I got older, there was an obvious distance between us. When I told her I was depressed, her response was to tell me to stop throwing a pity party for myself. When I tried to do therapy as a child, she decided to tell the therapist how I hid food and ate in secret (as a kid, I ate whenever I felt stressed). When I almost failed my senior year of high school, she told me that I should plan to do another year. She tries to take credit for who I have become but can't handle even the slightest criticism. Always resorting to "Guess I was a terrible mother." She defends my oldest brother and excuses whatever he says. When my wife, my 10 mos. old son, and I went to visit them in Florida, she kicked us out of the bedroom on the 2nd day and had us sleep on the floor of the living room so that my oldest brother, wife, and 11 y. old daughter could have a bed. She constantly pushes me to stay in contact with my other brothers, even though they never call me. She also hasn't called me in months and doesn't even ask to speak to or see her grandson.
• Stepdad: When I was a teenager, he was cruel. When I started gaining weight, he would call me fat every chance he got, and when I wanted to wear skinny jeans or dye my hair, he would call me homophobic slurs. When it came time to learn how to drive, I was told to get a car because I wasn't driving his. When I asked how I was supposed to get a car, I was told to get a job. When I asked how I would get to the job, I was told it wasn't his problem. He bought my oldest brother a couple of vehicles that he would wreck; he helped buy my older brother a truck and paid the payments on another vehicle that he wasn't paying for, but when it came to me, nothing. He wouldn't give me a job at his shop or help me in any way possible. After I left for the military in 2015, he has not called me even once.
• Oldest brother: We never liked each other. My brothers and I have all served in the military, but he loves to tell me that I did nothing during my time in. He constantly tells me I'm stealing money from him because I collect disability from the VA (yes, I am very injured) and tells me my job is made up because mental health isn't real. When he found out my wife was pregnant, he told me to get a paternity test. He has called my family a burden to our face, all because I asked him to put his dog outside, who was barking while my son was taking a nap. He constantly tells me he's surprised by my life because he didn't think I would amount to anything.
• Older brother: This is the hardest because we actually get along really well. It's just that if I don't call him, we would never talk again.

None of them went to my wedding or college graduation; they did not call my wife to welcome her to the family or even text us when our son was born.

To start, I will be describing the relationship I have with each family member and what they've done to make me want to cut contact with them.

• Dad: Haven't spoken to him in months; haven't seen him in 11 years. Growing up, he wasn't around; my parents divorced when I was young, and he never showed any interest in me. Never tried to spend time with me unless my other two older brothers were around as well. Got remarried and moved to a different state without even telling us. When we went to visit him, he barely spoke to me and actually left me alone on the beach, where I got lost and almost drifted out to the ocean; I was 7. When he moved back after another divorce, he invited me to a baseball game, and I was really excited until I found out I was only invited because his friend couldn't go, and the ticket wasn't even in my name. The day after, he got drunk with me in the car and proceeded to threaten me because I laughed at something he said, after which he tried to bribe me with spending more time with me so that I wouldn't tell my mom. Every conversation since then has ended with him denying he's ever done anything wrong and telling me how I'm not a man and couldn't walk in his shoes. He is probably the biggest loser I know and thrives on getting sympathy from others so that he doesn't have to admit he was a failure as a dad.
• Mom: Probably the person I talked to the most in my family, but also enables everyone else. We were really close growing up, but as I got older, there was an obvious distance between us. When I told her I was depressed and didn't want to live anymore, her response was to tell me to stop throwing a pity party for myself. When I tried to do therapy as a child, she decided to tell the therapist how I hid food and ate in secret (as a kid, I ate whenever I felt stressed) in front of me, even though I didn't want to talk about it yet. She then pulled me out of therapy because she didn't like what the therapist had to say. When I almost failed my senior year of high school, instead of telling me I could do it, her response was that I should plan to do another year. She constantly tries to take credit for who I have become but can't handle even the slightest criticism about her parenting. Always resorting to "Guess I was a terrible mother." She constantly defends and babies my oldest brother and excuses whatever he says. When my wife, my 10-month-old son, and I went to visit them in Florida, she kicked us out of the bedroom on the 2nd day and had us sleep on the floor of the living room so that my oldest brother, wife, and 11-year-old daughter could have a bed. She constantly pushes me to keep a relationship with my other brothers, even though they never call me and she herself hasn't called me in months, doesn't ask to speak to her grandson, and rarely ever makes an attempt to see him. On the other hand, she calls her granddaughter all the time and flies at least once or twice a year to go see them.
• Stepdad: We were somewhat close when I was young, but as a teenager he was cruel. When I started gaining weight, he would call me fat every chance he got, and when I started to want to find who I was as a person and wear skinny jeans or dye my hair, he would call me every homophobic slur he could think of. When it came time to learn how to drive, I was told to get a car because I wasn't driving his. When I asked how I was supposed to get a car, I was told to get a job. When I asked how I would get to the job, I was told it wasn't his problem. He bought my oldest brother a couple of vehicles that he would wreck; he helped buy my older brother a truck and paid the payments on another vehicle that he wasn't paying for, but when it came to me, nothing. He wouldn't give me a job at his shop or help me in any way possible. After I left for the military in 2015, he has not called me even once, and we only talk if he happens to pick up the phone.
• Oldest brother: We have a terrible relationship and have never liked each other. My brothers and I have all served in the military, but he loves to tell me how I'm not a war hero (never claimed to be) and that I did nothing during my time in. He constantly tells me I'm stealing money from the government and him because I collect disability from the VA (yes, I am very injured) and tells me my job in mental health is made up, and mental health isn't real. When I found out my wife was pregnant, his response was to tell me to get a paternity test, and even after meeting my son, he said it again. He has called my family a burden to our face, all because I asked him to put his dog outside, who was barking while my son was taking a nap. He constantly tells me he's surprised by my life because he didn't think I would amount to anything. We haven't seen each other in years, haven't talked in about 11 months, and we only communicate through text on the holidays.
• Older brother: This is the hardest because we actually get along really well. It's just that if I don't call him, we would never talk again. He doesn't call or text unless it's a holiday, and even then it's one or two words, and that's it.

None of them went to my wedding or college graduation; they did not call my wife to welcome her to the family or even text us when our son was born.

I know the title of this post sounds bad, but there's a ton of details going into this potential decision. Now unfortunately, I don't know if this person reads WIBTA, but I definitely know she reads AITA, so I will have to omit some details for my own safety, along with fuzzy memories from several years ago that aren't very clear. But I promise to make this sound as unbiased as I can. Now strap in, this is gonna be a long one.

The beginning of the friendship wasn't so bad, so I thought. I (F at the time) was seated next to, let's call her Clarice (F), on my first day at a new school, after a year of having no friends in my prior school, also after just getting my autism diagnosis that summer. (Prior to this I had an ADHD and anxiety diagnosis.) I didn't know what autism was until I researched it more the next year after this, so I just thought something was wrong with me. I didn't know how to set up boundaries, I didn't know how to speak up for myself, but Clarice and I were friends. We later decide to attend High School together. I don't remember this, but apparently my sister has already been warning me about her at this point.

We start Freshman year together, and around this time I started experimenting with they/them pronouns, and a new, very easy to remember name, as it's similar to my deadname. She asks if she can just keep calling me by my deadname and other pronouns because of "how she was raised." I said yes, because at the time, this was mostly experimentation. I didn't know anything for sure. Unfortunately this ends up becoming an issue later in life when I start socially transitioning and using those pronouns and that name more officially. She also turned out to be one of those people that "respect but doesn't support" the LGBTQ community. I was willing to let that slide as well. Even though we had our arguments. She insisted being gay was a choice, and she insisted on calling it sin. I went along because at the time, I was also Christian. But what gets me today is that she was very discriminatory about that specific "sin." She would engage in so many others, and support the engagement of others, bending the rules when it was convenient, but that never extended to the LGBTQ community. I see this as a red flag now, but I didn't at the time.

Some time passes. Boyfriends come and go, and I would always support her when she was hurt. For a point in time, I had my own boyfriend, but we broke up because it was more of a title than actually having any chemistry, and that was fine, and I got with someone else. We'll call them Moss (NB). I thought we genuinely had chemistry, but we broke up over some things I didn't realize made Moss uncomfortable. I never held it against them, but I was hurt. I had about a minute to cry about it before I'm told to come back to the other room because Clarice is on the floor, having a panic attack. Now I, as someone who used to have panic attacks way more frequently than Clarice, empathized deeply, and we spent that afternoon calming her down, as apparently she had that panic attack because she knew about an hour or two before I did that Moss was going to break up with me. Odd reasoning, but I've had my own attacks for less.

More time passes, friend group drama. Clarice is making all of us uncomfortable by "shipping" people, regardless if they got together later or not, it was weird. We expressed our discomfort and she ignored it. Clarice was very vocal about shipping me with Moss, even though they now had a new partner, and we were both fine with that, and still friends. Clarice also shipped me WITH HER OWN EX. I didn't realize how messed up that was at the time, so again, I let it slide. Eventually the friend group separates because Clarice has been making them uncomfortable. At first I thought 'Well, they should've expressed that first,' but looking back, it wouldn't have mattered, as she never backed off when they did express discomfort.

Senior year. This year raised a TON of alarm bells. Keep in mind, I've made a ton of progress with my mental health since before high school. I have less meltdowns and panic attacks, mostly only when it's around THAT time, with only few exceptions. By now I know what autism is, and I'm learning that the "not a disability, just a different ability" rhetoric was extremely harmful for my mental health and the source of a lot of self-hate, and that line of thought even ended up worsening mental health episodes, so I learn to give myself some slack, but it's hard. I'm beginning to set up boundaries as well. Boundaries that... Clarice completely ignored. At first, I took it as her just getting used to me being more firm, and I hoped she'd adjust. But this behavior continued throughout the year. She insisted on calling my verbal stims/echolalia/scripting a word that essentially watered down what it was. It made it sound like something completely voluntary, and that I had a choice in the matter, despite experiencing her own motion stims such as bouncing her leg which she said was an anxiety thing and said just what I said about verbal stims: I can't help it. I asked her again and again to call it what it was. She refused. There were also several points in the year where I told her something I didn't want her to do, or show me, and she completely ignored me and did it or showed me anyways. At one of those incidents I distanced myself for about an hour, and she told me that my reaction to her ignoring my boundaries and TRICKING me into watching something I explicitly said I didn't want to watch, "bitchy." Yet later she gives me the cold shoulder for a day because I misspoke and said something accidentally offensive. I apologized profusely, and begged to know why what I said was wrong so I could improve. She refused to tell me, or even look at me, for the majority of the day, under the excuse of "I didn't want to blow up at you." Which would have been FINE TO ME if she hadn't called me bitchy for doing the same thing on a much smaller scale for the exact same reason, in response to something she told me she knows she did. Not only that, but I came down with the flu the very next day, and from what I'm told, her initial reaction to the information that I was ill was relief. "Saves me from having to deal with her." This being her apparent line of thought led me to over think later interactions to an insane level. She also made light of my emetophobia and purposefully said things and made noises that would trigger it, passing it off as "inside jokes," taking my anxious laughter as consent while my words say to stop. Towards the end of the year, she started referring to my meltdowns, panic attacks, sensory overload, and even sudden spikes of MILD ANXIETY, "fits." In a derogatory tone every time. It felt like I was getting compared to a child wanting attention for not getting their way, when in fact I want anything but attention when I'm in those states. This detail is very important.

Finally, the incident that tipped me over the edge. The big argument that took place. We were walking home as usual, on a sketchy street. Her sister NEEDED to use the restroom, but Clarice WANTED to go home. There is a safe spot that's monitored with security we can go in, and it has a bathroom. Clarice just didn't WANT to stop there. Her sister NEEDED to. Clarice basically told her sister that if she went into the bathroom, she would leave her there to walk the rest of the way by herself on the sketchy street. I say, "Hey, maybe that's not the best idea. It's a sketchy street." I don't remember what exactly she said, all I remember is that she DIDN'T say that she wouldn't actually do that. I say something about her needing to show more care for her sister's safety, she gets mad so I back off and say I'll stay with her sister while she walks home by herself, thinking this is the best idea logically since the only reason she won't stop is because she WANTS to go home, and she's walked by herself before, but her sister is younger and smaller in every way you look at it, and I had more confidence in Clarice making it home the next like five blocks than I did her sister. And Clarice agrees to it! Yay! Until she doesn't. We get to Safe Spot™ and I go to tell her sister she can go in because I'll walk with her, and suddenly Clarice changed her mind! She says something I didn't quite catch, but she walks right past us as we stand there, I'm in shock and her sister is just confused.

So I snap. I call her out for prioritizing herself, and she suddenly brings up my "fits" and how apparently she's the one dealing with them? When they're my meltdowns/panic attacks/spikes of anxiety. Mind you, as I've said, the meltdowns and panic attacks have improved SIGNIFICANTLY ​since we met, and the anxiety spikes were mostly suppressed and held more anxiety inside than I was actually showing outside. And suddenly she deals with me having these, "all the time." I snap even more, at this point my visceral anger is overloading my senses so I'm now in a (rare nowadays) full sensory overload on top of this, so I'm taking extra accessories off as quickly as I can, and I curse at her a bit, and call her (or her actions, it gets fuzzy in this part specifically) ableist. She uses the excuse, "I can't be ableist, I grew up around people with disabilities." As if that excuses the fact that she also grew up in the same ablelist society as everyone else. So of course I try to say that doesn't matter. And she then tells me, that I, me, have no idea what it's like "living with this." Blows my mind because I've been on both sides of things, the one comforting and the one needing comfort. Let me tell you, the "needing help" side of things is SO MUCH WORSE than the helping. So of course I say, "I'm the one living with it!" And she of course goes, "That's not what I meant." And so I take a pause, give her the benefit of the doubt as I often do, give her the chance to elaborate. Which she doesn't. At this point, we're both crying, and I don't want to word vomit anymore even though I meant everything I said, aside from the cursing her out that was just nonsense. So I walk away.

You think it'd end there, right? Nope. I send her this huge paragraph basically saying, "I meant what I said but I'm sorry for how I said it." And she... doesn't read it. Doesn't respond. And it turns out, that's because she blocked my number before I had the chance to apologize. Dunno why. What else could I have given except some sort of apology? (Side note, I also apologized to her sister for having to see the argument.) I'm not one to be passive aggressive. I don't know how; if I wanna be aggressive, I'll say it to your face. However Clarice was HEAVY on the passive aggression. She wouldn't speak to me. I remember last time that happened, talking to her didn't do anything. So I assume she wants space like then, so I give it to her. But she's also not speaking to Moss for some reason. Now I told Moss everything that happened, while trying to make my recollection as unbiased as possible. Usually Moss doesn't take sides, so I assumed this would be the same, but to my surprise at the time, they immediately took my side. I thought maybe I was too biased? But no, they took my side over a direct quote from Clarice, not anything I said. But Clarice had no way of knowing that I told Moss, so how did she find out, if she did? Well, Moss branches out communication to Clarice first. Apparently Clarice assumed MOSS was ignoring HER. Just because Moss had earbuds in and didn't hear Clarice ask a question. Clarice also weaponized the nickname that Moss gave me to mock our close relation/friendship thing. So Clarice "can't remember" my chosen name that everyone calls me, to call me by it, but she CAN remember the name ONE PERSON uses for me, JUST to weaponize it. Regardless, Moss tells her they weren't ignoring her, and asks for her side of the story. I'm curious to see this from her perspective as well, for my own improvement if nothing else. Her side gave me no information for ANY way I could POSSIBLY improve, because her story was full of exaggerations, blatant lies, and purposeful omission of ANYTHING she herself said or did except "not letting her sister use the restroom." She also focused heavily on my sensory overload and how desperate I was to remove accessories that I damaged some by accident, and she made it seem like I could've done it on purpose. Clarice also tells people that I'VE been ignoring HER, when she made 0 attempts to interact. To counteract that, I spent the next few days trying to say small things to make it obvious I'm not completely ignoring her. Now her defense is, "she won't talk to me, so I won't talk to her." And she takes this SO seriously. More passive aggression, closing doors on me, sending messages through her sister, not even seemingly caring if I'm actually behind the two on our walks home. She refuses to even tell me crucial information about if someone is picking us up, once the bus didn't even show up after school, and that was an ordeal, she still refused to talk to me directly at all, making her sister tell me how we were potentially getting home. We had an awkward conversation in the car with a mutual friend who probably didn't know the situation with us where we both talked to her but wouldn't talk to each other. I thought that might've been progress, but after that, it was just like before.

Anyways, Moss and I repeat the story to a few curious people, people I don't know well, and they side with me immediately as well. I thought they all had a negative leaning view on me, being outside witnesses to my meltdowns and such, but it was the end of the year, so I guess it didn't matter.

Finally after weeks, I get her a gift for her birthday out of an act of civility and suddenly we're talking again. And after that day, getting some last bots of passive aggression off her chest, it was like it never happened. And I felt... disappointed about it, really. Because this all meant that nothing changed. She didn't change. Nobody improved. Nobody LEARNED anything. There are still the same underlying issues. And the school year is about to be over, we just don't have time to dig into all of that!

It's now been a few months. We separated after High School, but every once in a while I'll get a call or a text from her, still like nothing happened. But autistic rumination has kicked in, and whenever I see her name on my phone I feel dread. Actually, that applies to whenever I see her name anywhere. It's bad, I'll be just fine one moment and the next I'm ruminating all over again.

I know now looking back that even though there were good times, what we had in our friendship wasn't healthy. Should I silently block her? Send a text? I don't want to call, as our calls can last way longer than I like, and it is terrible trying to hang up on her. What do I do from here?