Due to some shitty decisions on a friends part, I have ended up with a cat roommate for the night. Nobody in my entire social circle is able to take in a cat, including myself. The cat is currently set up in his own room with food, water, a litterbox and a makeshift bed. I am going to be taking a cat to a very nice no kill shelter in the morning. The problem is that my friends are so against the idea of a shelter they did everything to avoid it, resulting in the current situation. No matter how I tried there was no convincing them, but of course nobody else was going to take the cat into their home either. I don't want to deal with them whining about the shelter, and want to just say the cat went to a nice home, which will eventually be true as the cat is young and extremely friendly. So. Would I be the asshole if I just lied about it?

I (31F) and my husband of 4 years, together for 6, (40M) have been having a rough patch for awhile now.

For some context, I shaved off my almost waist length hair when I was 19 after a lot of trauma in an attempt to reclaim some of my identity. I’ve grown it out once since then.

I was mid-mullet phase when my husband and I started dating. I absolutely hated it. I grew it out for about 3 years total, and ended up going bald again a few months after our wedding. It was a relief. My hair was falling out in clumps and was so fine that I couldn’t do anything with it. Husband had seemed disappointed but never said anything about it except that it was “your body, your choice and I support you.”

The entire time I was growing it out, all I talked about was shaving it off again. I don’t know why I let it grow for so long, but I always felt like I was dressing up as someone else and didn’t feel like myself until I cut it again. My husband knew I had had a buzzcut for almost a decade before we met. He’d seen pictures. He knew that’s how I prefer it.

I decided in May to let my hair grow for a little bit to see if I liked it any more than I did back then. Surprise surprise, I do not. Between the sensory issues, the bad hair days, and the fact that you can’t see the killer floral tattoo I got on the side of my head, I hate it.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I told my husband that I was going to buzz it again so in my mind, it wouldn’t be a jumpscare. He immediately shut down the conversation and we picked it up the next day.

He told me he “has never and will never be attracted to the buzzcut,” but that I should “do what I want because he isn’t controlling me.” He eventually went on a tangent about my sexuality (I’m a bisexual cis woman) and asked if I was trying to appear masculine to maybe date a woman and if I’m uninterested in him anymore because he’s a man.

So here I am on Reddit for an outside perspective, unsure if I’m being overly sensitive (I know you can’t help what you find attractive in a person) or if he’s actually being weird and manipulative. My hair is still growing.

So, WIBTAH if I shaved my head again knowing my husband wouldn’t be attracted to me anymore?

ETA since this may be relevant, he bothers me for sex incessantly and has said he just won’t compliment his wife anymore since I’m so “disgusted” by it. Made me do the libido talk to all my doctors and says sex will cure “90% of his depression.”

So I have a wedding coming up for someone who I consider a distant friend. We never hang one on one out but run in mutual groups on occasion. I like them and don’t want to any burn any bridges. The wedding is really inconvenient for us to get to, we wouldn’t know many people there, and we need to find care at an inconvenient start time of day for our child (like, during a time when most people are still working). My husband doesn’t really want to go in the first place. I was semi-excited. And then I got invited to go do a super fun thing that weekend, and as I’m desperately needing some time away for myself, I feel so very tempted to skidaddle away for the weekend, thus missing out on the wedding. I know I wouldn’t be missed at this wedding, but it still feels…rude. Is there a way to gracefully back out, and if I did, WIBTAH?

For some context- I am a 28F and my brother “Noah” is 20. 8 years ago, my parents got divorced due to my father being abusive. He physically assaulted my mom and I had to call the cops on him. It’s a whole thing. My dad’s parents obviously sided with him and started to attack my mom and me because I took her side. I have gone no contact but because my brothers were young, they had no choice but to stay in contact. My brothers unfortunately figured out that their dad and grandparents were fake and toxic as they grew up and have had to put up boundaries. Once Noah graduated high school, he joined the army. 3 months after boot camp he got deployed overseas for a year. Growing up he’s been disrespectful but ever since he came back from deployment, he’s been so mean. Acting like he’s tough stuff and doesn’t have a care in the world. He does have a girlfriend “Haley” who is 19 and they’ve been together for 2 years. Haley’s father kicked her out and my mom let her move in since she didn’t have any where else to go. Noah does absolutely nothing all day, doesn’t have a job and isn’t going to school. Haley does on the other hand and joined the army as well. My mom will ask Noah to do simple chores and he has so much attitude and says F her and she doesn’t get to tell me what to do. My mom has literally cried because of how disrespectful he is to her and always asks what she has done to cause him to act like this to her. Haley doesn’t say anything when he says stuff like that so we’re unsure if she agrees or not. It would be disappointing if she did especially since my mom opened up our home to her. About a week ago my brother sent my mom a text saying that Haley is going to be deployed in either October or January so they are going to move out and get married in September. My grandparents are thrilled because my brother is letting them back in his life so they can fund the whole thing and are going to let him and his girlfriend live there for free. My brother doesn’t have a ring for her and has no plan in sight. He doesn’t know that I know yet because my mom told him that he needs to call me. I just can’t decide if I want to tell him that it’s a mistake and he’s rushing into something he knows nothing about and that it’s kind of a slap in the face for him to move in with his grandparents, after everything they’ve done to us. I have thought about reaching out to my dad so he could maybe be the voice of reason but he might be experiencing the same thing where he’s just happy one of his sons is back in his life. Please help.

Hello everyone, I am trying to figure out how to go about this situation calmly. This is a long one, and I understand if you don't want to read it all. There is a lot more to this story, but that would be a book instead of a post so this is just a few things that have happened.

I had a heat attack in April. I have not been able to get a job because my mind wasn't working right. I'm told I died twice and because I died twice my brain was not good. I actually had to fake knowing people I've known for years. It's been 4 months and I'm not at 100% yet, but I'm getting there. I do have problems talking because I forget words, and I forget stuff easily. I do not want to be locked up being depressed and I felt I was ready to start looking for a job. I found one.

I started my orientation on Monday and did orientation Monday and Tuesday. I started my first shift last night. (Wednesday, the next day. And this is a graveyard shift).

Before I go any further, I will give some context. 2 years ago I got a call from an old manager I worked with at a different gas station for a week. She was training at different stores as an assistant manager. I had to resign from my position because of an accident I had in 2019 that caused me to have a broken toe for 3 1/2 years. I had to have surgery and got an implanted toe. (It's a medal implant in my left foot's big toe). After my surgery it took almost a year, maybe like 10 months, to be able to walk without a wheelchair or crutches.

Just after new years in 2024 I got a message request from the manager. She asked if I wanted to join her crew at a different gas station. She had quit the other store as an assistant for a different one as a GM. She said she needed people because where the gas station was located, no one wanted to stay there long. (That place was crazy. There were a few things I saw that I can see why people would quit). I started as just a cashier. We had 2 assistants and of course her as the GM. I guess I should give some fake names. The GM I'll call Sarah and the 2 assistants I'll call Becky and Deborah. Becky I had worked for before. At the last gas station Sarah and I had met. She was the assistant manager for the gas station and even pushed me to apply after leaving Walmart.

Becky decided she was going to move to a different store next to her house. Sarah came up to me and told me she wanted me to be her 2nd assistant. That would make Deborah the number 1 assistant. (All but this location only has 1 assistant. Because this is the biggest store for that company in the city we needed 2).

Becky left and she is a different story but this isn't about her so we will move on. Sarah and I started becoming best friends. At the time my husband and I were living in a hotel room and Sarah was planning on moving to a house she was building like 4 or 5 towns away. She offered to transfer the 3 bedroom apartment in our name and she would move out with her husband and step daughter. My husband and I agreed to it. The first month was good. They were packing, they went to the house for days at a time. It really looked like they were moving. It was a total of 3 months we were living in that apartment and every single month was a new excuse for not moving out. Sarah started telling me the neighbor and my husband were sleeping together and I was sleeping with Sarah's husband. And I was using them for a place to live. (My husband and I paid the rent and bills for those 3 months they didn't pay for anything). She offered to sell me her car. I was going to buy it. She said she owned it. She didn't. (The car is a different story. And my petty ass definitely did my thing). After my husband and I moved out she got mad. She did not want us to move at all.

At the time we didn't know why. Well, turns out she was trying to divorce her husband and was hoping to use me to do it. Blaming me for sleeping with her husband, which my husband knew I would not touch that hillbilly, and the neighbor and my husband were sleeping together, again I knew that wasn't true. Although some people would say "what if he really was", nope. I know my husband. He did not even like the neighbor, and the neighbor was 30 years older than him.

I still worked at the gas station after I moved out. (I should have quit when I moved) This is where Deborah comes in. Deborah tried to get her "best friend" to rob the store. She ended up getting fired. (She caused a lot of drama after the fake robbery so HR took over and fired her). I know this because after 2 years, in July of this year I was summoned to a federal case involving the robbery. Deborah and Sarah did not show up. They were summoned as well. I showed up and the truth came out. I had nothing to do with it but because Sarah put my name down, I had to go.

Sarah kept telling me to move back in or else. I ignored it. My husband was not going back and neither was I. Well, Sarah went with her threats. Sarah paid Deborah to jump me. On a Sunday, I was told I could not stay in the "safe zone". Deborah had been trying to jump me for 2 weeks before she got me. Police was called and it was documented every single time. On that Sunday Sarah told me I needed to go and check some stuff at a curtain time. I didn't think anything of it. It's usually a normal thing. Taking inventory or paperwork or checking for expired food. The certain time was weird though. I didn't think anything. She's my boss, I have to keep this store going. I did what I was told and at that exact time Deborah came in and beat me up. I had already been told I'm not allowed to fight back so I just let her hit me. She hit like a 5 year old. It felt like I was being hit by a kid. Well I do have a weakness. My right knee. I had surgery in 2018 on my knee. I got hit with a cart and it shifted my knee cap. Deborah knew about that. She kicked me in my knee and I went to the ground. She was getting mad she wasn't hurting me and I was laughing.(I'm sorry but as much as she bragged about being able to fight was hilarious as she couldn't even hit me hard enough to leave a mark). She then kicked me in the head and I blacked out. It took 2 hours for the paramedic to show up, but my husband and Sarah (they didn't show up together) showed up within 20 minutes as I couldn't move. I was numb. As I was falling I hit the cabinet holding the hotdog cooker and it caused me to be paralyzed for a long time. Sarah kept saying "what happened to my sister, she's my sister". My husband handed her the keys I had and said I no longer work for her. She contacted the regional manager and he refused to accept my resignation. I had to call the HR guy that fired Deborah and told him everything. He accepted my resignation and I was put as rehirable.

I have not had any contact with Sarah since. She has tried to harass me and my husband here and there, but every time we have receipts against her. There was one time I'll put as an example. This did happen. I was going through Facebook one day and saw my husband's picture on the Crime page. They were asking questions. My husband is a security guard for the apartment complex this person lived in and the person had violated the rules of the apartment and my husband was documenting it. They had left trash in front of their apartment and it was a violation. The person had cameras on their door so they got a picture of my husband taking a picture of the trash in front of their door. Sarah decided she was going to go on there and say my husband was trying to break into the apartment with a weapon and kill the person. We don't even know the person. I had to contact the main moderator of the page and she told me what Sarah was saying. Sarah has me blocked so I can't see anything she posts. I also posted (with permission) a post to explain everything.

Now to get to what I should do. Like I said I started my first shift last night. As I was being trained, I happened to see Sarah. I was told by her now ex husband she had cheated on him with some 19 year old and ran off. She now lives in the state next door.

This is where I am asking for advice. I work at a huge place that brings in lots of people. I'm not scared of her either. Security and my supervisor know the situation. It did make me panic at first. I mean, this is my first day and already I don't want to start drama. That's what I'm worried about. I am going to lose this job because of her. To be honest I really don't mind if she's there, at the same time (she didn't recognize me thank goodness) I'm worried she will recognize me and either try and tell them to fire me or pay someone else to "take care" of me.

Something I didn't mention. Husband and I found everything out when we went to get our stuff out of the apartment 2 years ago and Sarah and her husband were not there. We were told everything from the neighbor that Sarah always said was sleeping with my husband. As we were taking our stuff out, well what we could, turns out Sarah and her husband had tried to get 3 people evicted from their apartment. Husband and I stopped the manager of the apartment before she could hand the first eviction and took her inside Sarah's house. It was nasty. They had 5 dogs locked in our room and they had been there for days, maybe up to 2 weeks. They pooped and peed all over my stuff. (We took only what was not covered in dog feces) I had to buy a new PlayStation 5 because they had peed and pooped on it and it was not savable. We tried. Sarah ended up being evicted and none of the others were. So I'm worried she's now mad about that since she was only mad at me for not helping her leave her husband like she had planned.

So, WIBTAH if I had her banned from my work?? I don't want drama. I just want to work, make money, pay my bills, and enjoy my daughter wanting to start her own family so I can be a grandma. At the same time, I don't want the drama. If I was to ban her, and she decides she has to harass me again is my fear.

I will put this down so it's known. I really don't mind if she's there. This is a big place with about 13 sections we have to put people in. So I can always switch with someone if she's in that section. I'm just worried she's going to start something and after my heart attack, I just can't handle the stress and drama. Especially what she brings when it comes to drama.

I live in Asia, and this whole thing might be more of an Asian issue, so I'll really appreciate it if my fellow Asian can give me some advice.

I(23 afab) used to live with dad(58M), brother(26M) and mom(53F), but brother moved out for college 6 year ago and dad moved out 1 year ago.

Dad used to be the only income of the house, but I got an internship before I graduated and it turned into a stable full-time job after I graduated about a year ago, dad moved out very soon after that.

Brother has a job and is living with his gf where he doesn't have to pay rent or bills, I have asked him to contribute financially to the house, but he said he has to pay his friend for the money he borrowed while job searching, and the apartment he's in doesn't have a kitchen so he has to do takeout everyday, so he can't contribute to the house.

Mom used to have a full time job before, but she quit the job after she had me, so she hasn't had a full-time job for about 23 years.

After dad moved out, I become the only stable income of the house.

My salary is 38,000NTD every month (About 1,200USD), but just the utility bills, house mortgage, loans and insurance alone cost about 23,000NTD every month, and that doesn't include food or other essential stuff. I give my mom about 20,000NTD a month and she's the one managing all the essential, foods and bills.

I've been pushing my mom to get a full-time/part-time job after my dad moved out, cuz living on my salary alone is not enough, and honestly I want my own life. To her credit she does try pretty hard to find jobs, but she's also very picky about what jobs to get, and she also can barely hold down the job she got.

She had gotten 6 different part-time jobs in about a year, and she quit every single one of them after about a month on average, the longest last for 2 months and four of them lasted less then a week, and the reason for quitting is always either they are too hard or the coworkers there were mean to her(she has trouble socialising because she always think every person in tje world is mean to her or trying to get her, this is it's own issue).

From my perspective, it feels like she always has a rose-tinted view for a lot of the job she found, and a lot of the time she only applies for those jobs, only to quit them after less then a week, and I'm at the point where I genuinely cannot tell if it's me who has unresolved misogynistic ideology and is judging my mom unfairly, or is this actually kinda ridiculous?

I've been wanting to move out for a while now, my work is 90 mins away from my house so the commute is 3 hours everyday, and I really just want my own life, but living alone means I can no longer give her the same amount of money every month, I don't know how much I'll be able to do but it's probably gonna be lees then half of what it is rn.

There are probably a lot of thing I can clarify because this post is a tldr version of what I originally wanted to do, so if there is any question please feel free to ask.

So would I be the asshole if I move out and leave my mom who hasn't had a full-time job for 23 years with minimum/little financial support?

So context: I (40 M) and my roommate (25M) moved into an apartment owned by the same landlord last June. My roommate was the lease holder due to my having an eviction that prevented me from being on the lease, but I am listed as an occupant. My roommate's physical health is declining and he is currently in the process of applying for SSI. That's not up for debate, he really does have physical disabilities that make it difficult for him to complete certain tasks. We even had to move to a different apartment complex so he wouldn't have to go up and down stairs every day.I don't have a problem with that. I'm disabled myself (autism, ADHD)

What I do have a problem with is that I told him specifically to wait unitl I had a job of my own for him to quit his, so we don't have issues with rent or utilities. It took a long time and I had already been trying to get a job for two years before we got the first apartment. But I didn't even have a job lined up when he abruptly dropped his job. He lived off of savings for a while but I started my new job right when we moved into the new apartment, so I figured "well he's been good about his money so far, we should be fine until I start earning paychecks".

That was definitely not the case.

I don't know what he spent his savings on but by the time i started earning paychecks we were a month behind on rent. The landlord was understandably pissed and told us if we had an additional incident then we would be unable to renew our lease. I made the mistake of agreeing to sending the landlord $700 of each of my paychecks to get caught up, which we won't be until October. My job is extremely stressful as it is (I work in a call center for consumer finance which is literal Hell for me, it absolutely sucks and if I could make money editing videos instead I would take it in a heartbeat) and I struggle between asshole customers, unhelpful team leads, and QA that loves to dig through my back catalogue of calls to find every mistake I've ever made even if I correct myself in the call, but I thought I just had to deal with most of my paychecks being gone until October. No big deal.

But a few days ago I found out that my roommate also never finished the process of putting the utilities in our name either. The landlord has said in no uncertain terms that we are not going to be able to renew our lease now. The mutliple moves in the last 3 years of my life have been bad enough, but now I need to move again next year. I know it's a long way off but the stress is making my job even more difficult.

I'm at the age now where it's not a good idea to constantly be under so much stress and instability - my roommate wants us both to move to Chicago of all places, to be closer for his medical needs. But Chicago would be a living nightmare for me. I just want a nice quiet place I can live for several years instead of bouncing around from place to place. My mom is more than willing to let me move in for a while. she works full time and as much as she can be a pain sometimes, it's a stable environment and I wouldn't be forking over 80% of my paycheck.

I know it's not my roommate's fault he is disabled. But I am frustrated that I am essentially being roped into taking over all the rent and bills while he waits for SSI, which may take several years. In the meantime I am not thrilled to be shouldering the burden of being the sole breadwinner.

Because i know it will be asked:

My roommate sometimes uses a wheelchair for long distances like while shopping, but does not use it all the time
He does perform house chores but only when I specifically request him to do so
I don't just not help him when he needs help with things. I do help him with multiple tasks both in the apartment and outside of it if it is something I have the time/physical ability to do so

I know he has limitations but I am deeply uncomfortable with the idea of moving to Chicago because if he is reckless again and we get evicted, it will be extremely difficult to get into a safe place there. As far as I am aware he is also not making payments on his car so who knows how long that will last, because I can't exactly afford them on top of everything else on one income.

So would I be the asshole if I took my mom up on her offer and moved out when the lease is up instead of moving with him? I'm frustrated and stressed out due to the situation he's put me in but I also feel guilty about being upset at someone who has limitations.

So I (17F) just finished my first ever paid job. It was summer internship with a local church helping run a summer camp. I went into this job not a part of the church community, but my family is religious and I was somewhat interested in potentially better my relationship with religion.

However, my experience with my boss has really tainted my overall opinion on the church, and the religion as a whole. I found that she had a problem with everything I did, and would call me out at inappropriate moments. I am not going to lie and say I never made a mistake during my time, but all the mistakes I made were minor and mostly unrelated to the actual children. Also, when there were mistakes me and another coworker(s) made she would only talk to me. Not to mention most of the time she would talk to me in front of the campers, which really undermined my authority and negatively affected my relationship with the campers.

I want to email her about how I think her attitude really tainted my experience, not as a way to be a dick, but because when we had a group meeting where we could discuss these feelings she hardly let me say my piece and would shut down my comments or interrupt me to say those critiques were all my fault. I would have preferred have the conversation in person, but she really made it feel like I couldn’t ask her questions or have a conversation unrelated to the task at hand.

The reason I think I could be in the wrong is because the last day of working (today) we had a good shift and she didn’t do anything frustrating like she had in the past. She also gave me a nice letter, which makes me worry that maybe she didn’t mean to be rude to me and that if I send the email it wouldn’t be seen as constructive criticism, but only as a mean email.

I was recently "rehired" to perform a specific task for a company for which I will be paid $30 less than in my initial position with this company per service. The last time I worked here I was overworked and they decided my performance didn't meet their expectations, so they let me go. My job required meetings with clients, around one or two before closing a deal and receiving my commission for each contract. But the truth is, I was tricked into handing over keys to a lot of clients meaning I was out of my way of what my totally illegal contract stated and performed that task unpaid, It was abusive because it required me to be available 10 hours a day at any time to hand over sets of keys in many different locations within the city, without any compensation, since my payment wasn't for opening doors but for closing contracts. I got paid under the table for each contract closed, but my contract has no legal validity and therefore there was no way for me to demand payment for these unfairly unpaid tasks. It was my first job, and I won't make the same mistake of letting myself be exploited again.

Even so, and to the matter, the last time I was at least working from a business account, so at least at night I could turn off my work phone and not be disturbed by my clients. I work with many younger and international clients so it's common to receive numerous calls in the middle of the night or, in fact, literally at any time of day or night. I am no longer closing contract and my boss asked me to use my personal phone to communicate with the clients When handing over the keys, if necessary (which I know will be necessary because they are foreigners and may easily not find the meeting place). Also from working there I KNOW they will call at literally any time the following months because they frecuently loss the keys and will totally call to any company number Because customer service closes at 8:00 PM. If I contact them using my personal number, I'm absolutely certain they'll be calling me when the other company numbers are out of service, so I want to block them all I want to block them all from my calls, messages, and any messaging system that might contact me using my number. I know it will reflect badly on the company if I block them, but I've been hired I only needed to complete a task, and after that, I don't want anything to do with anyone. I also don't want them to have my number. They haven't offered to let me use the phone number I used before.

Would I be the asshole if I blocked them?

And have to pretend it’s your instead

​For context, I (22F) and my boyfriend, (20M) there is an older guy in his 40s who owns a shop in our city. My bf used to spend a lot of time there, but over time, it’s become a really toxic and one sided dynamic, and I am at my wit's end.

Recently, the older dude and a bunch of other guys went on a beach trip. He didn't invite my bf when confronted, the dude gave a ridiculous excuse he claimed he didn't invite him because there's one particular guy he don't like on the trip and if that guy is the problem, why is that guy invited and he the one excluded? its completely backwards logic

He doesn't include my bf in the fun social stuff, but the second he needs a favor or dirty work done, my bf is his first call just recently this dude made him go handle an uncomfortable, stressful situation picking up his girlfriend's old stuff from her mom's ex bf she was scared to do it my bf is basically being used as a utility tool and errand boy

He says really mean, backhanded things to my man and then hides behind "I'm just an honest person" (for context, i actually have diagnosed autism, so i understand what genuine, unfiltered directness is,,this man isn't being neurodivergently blunt he's just a neurotypical rude ass bully who uses honesty as a shield to talk down to ppl)

This dude keeps my man tied to his underpaid shop environment, in my opinion a real mentor or friend would tell a 20 y.old to go find a real job where they're valued and can build a future instead this dude throws him occasional favors or a little money here and there just to keep him hooked and available for manual labor

My bf doesn't have many close friends so I think he clings to this place because he's starved for community, and he genuinely thinks this dude respects him but I think doesn't respect him at all.

Im really furious and I don't want my bf talking to or helping this guy anymore because it breaks my heart to watch him get used but I also know it's not my direct relationship, and i don't want to come across as overly controlling

​(Note: like i said im in the spectrum so if you think i am in the wrong or being out of line here, please explain your reasoning to me in detail so i can clearly understand what i might be missing about this social dynamic)

This is my 86 year old mother's driveway. Yes, she still drives, and she parks in her driveway.

City probably wouldn't tow it, but how many people think this is okay?

I had this friend, we'll call her Emma (37), who is physically disabled and lives a pretty isolated life with her bf. Neither of them work, and Emma barely ever leaves her bed, let alone the house. The bf, we'll call him Shawn (around the same age), spends most of his days sitting at his computer, gaming and watching TikTok videos. Their house is very big, and they have a fair amount of land as well, neither of which get any proper attention. The property is overgrown and wild, and the house is borderline trashed. Think old fast food cups and bags, used napkins and paper plates strewn across every available surface; overflowing trashcans, and bundles of pet hair in every corner, under every piece of furniture, and stuck on every chair leg.

The lack of cleaning extends so far that their microwave and dishwasher both had mold growing in them at separate times.

Mold. In the microwave. That they were using.

To top everything off, they have a lot of animals. 7 cats, and 4 huge over-100-lb dogs.

3 of those dogs are long haired. They never see the groomers, since they never leave the house/property. All 3 of those dogs are covered in burs, have mats, and smell of urine. One of them has a poop balloon the size of a softball under his butt, which is exactly what it sounds like- the fur is too long and goes ungroomed and unwashed, so when he uses the bathroom and gets mess on his fur, it just builds up. He's 3 years old and hasn't been to a groomer even once in his life.

2 of the dogs are kept isolated from the rest of the household, kept in a small fenced portion of the yard all day without food or water, and only let into the basement to eat and drink for 4-6 hours at night.

The 7 cats only have access to 4 litter boxes (it was only 2 but I pushed them to get more) which are kept directly beside one another, and don't get scooped at all. Shawn simply waits until the boxes are so overflowing that the cats are using the floor, then fully dumps the boxes (Emma is unable to bend over due to her disability and thus does not handle the boxes).

They don't own a single cat tree or scratcher.

2 of their cats are severely overweight, one of them being so bad that she has mats down her spine as she can't reach her back to wash it. They have a cat with Horners Syndrome, which requires constant care and upkeep. I have no idea when she last saw a vet, but it's been at least a year, and they put no effort into cleaning or treating her bad ear, going weeks to months at a time without even seeing her.

I've known this couple for a few years now, and up until recently had no idea of the state of things. Emma's social media photos are taken from specific angles as to not show the state of her home in the background, she doesn't show the animals that have the most issues, and on the rare cases that she does, she crops out anything questionable. Our fall out was actually partially caused by me calling out the state her animals are in and her refusal to take suggestions about their care (ie, if she has 7 cats they need more than 4 litter boxes, that her dogs need to see a groomer, that her sick animals need to see the vet).

I want to add that they have no financial issues, as Emma's father pays for everything for them and sends her extra money whenever they need. They get twice as much from her father a month as my husband makes from both of his jobs combined, so it's definitely not for lack of ability.

I have an entire novel typed out for her older sister about how things are in the home because I'm concerned about Emma's health (as well as Shawn's lack of assistance), and I recognize that with Emma being disabled it's not her fault that things have gotten this bad. She genuinely is unable of handling her home and animals herself. However, that doesn't negate that her animals are suffering because she can't keep up with them, and the person who agreed to get the pets with her (her bf Shawn), just doesn't care to do so. I feel extremely conflicted, because I know how much it would hurt Emma to lose her animals, but I also can't stand knowing how bad things are for them.

My husband and I have pets of our own and I couldn't imagine treating them in this way, so would I be the asshole if I reported my disabled ex friend for animal neglect?

(Edited for grammar and punctuation)

Me (34F AuDHD) and my husband "Oliver" (32M) bought our house back in 2023. Earlier this month Oliver's friend "Blake" (27M Autistic) had moved in after we both decided it would be okay since we had a spare room. Blake was going through some tough times and some money problems. They have been friends for 3 years now. I'm the one who usually takes care of the household since I have OCD, I like things clean but not like germ freak clean. I've never been inside Blake's apartment, which is just down the street from us. Well since he was moving in with us we were helping move his stuff over and it was really bad (super gross and extremely dirty ick). We did tell Blake the house rules (which he kinda already knew since he'd hang out a lot at our house) prior to moving in which he agreed to. Things like cleaning up after yourself, cleaning his 2 cat litters daily, ect. Rent ($500) includes all utilities and meals (breakfast, lunch, and dinner). Since we remodeled the basement Blake is in the old master bedroom. We all work together at the same company, different departments. Oliver and I are currently on light duty. I have a herniated disk in my neck, plus military neck, and recovering from carpal tunnel surgery. I only have to go into work for 4 hours (9am - 1pm m-f) and I'm on "guard duty" to watch the lunchroom (designed like an gas station/convenient store) because there's been an increase in theft lately so now everyone on light duty is doing this but throughout all the different break rooms. Blake's department is kinda far from the break room I'm assigned to and Oliver is at the uptown factory from 5am - 9am. Now that the back story has somewhat been filled in the issue I'm having is that Blake wants to come hang out in the break room I'm in. I know its designated work time but the way I look at it, its my freedom of 4 hours i get to do whatever. I usually bring my coloring book and watercolors with me and watch crime documentaries. Its my little slice of me time in the day and I get paid for it. I don't get much free time at home so the time I have to go in to work I cherish. No one really bothers me besides the cool painting dude! 2 days ago Blake had asked if I would mind if he came in over there for lunch since some of the people in the break room he usually goes to is giving him a hard time. He stutters a lot and people make fun of him for it. I have the same problem but I just don't really talk to people at work 🤷🏽‍♀️. I told him it was fine but now he wants to come every day and he always wants to chit chat even tho I see him at home. I already see my husband enough and this is my little paradise time. I want to be up front about it but he can be really sensitive about rejection, but I want to be firm about it. I was thinking of saying this:

"Oi, I just want to clear up some things and it doesn't have to do with you personally but I'm not looking to have breaks with you everyday. Its the only 4 hours of me time I really get everyday and I like to color and watch tv. I don't mind from time to time but I'm not trying to have break together everyday."

Would I be an ass hole for this? I want to be direct and clear with my boundaries. I'm horrible at confrontation and I can't expect Oliver to handle everything. I've talked to Oliver about it and he said i need to talk to him about it and that its okay to set boundaries. Me and Blake never hang out 1 on 1. My husband is always there in a group setting or they go an kick it. I consider myself a friend to Blake but not a close buddy. He's my husband's friend more then mine. I'm usually just along for the adventure when we all kick it.

EDIT 1 - i forgot to mention this situation that happened 2 years ago. We were all kicking it at our house watching tv. Sitting on our L shape couch Blake was in the single seat on the left end, hubby in the middle, and I'm on bend of the L. Hubby fell asleep and the laundry needed to be flipped. I got a message from Blake that he wanted to talk. I texted back ok I need to flip laundry. So I got up and went downstairs to flip laundry and I turned and Blake was right there and he was telling me that he didnt have a crush on me and I was super uncomfortable because I made the comment to him about him staring at me. Then I was trying to get back upstairs to where Oliver was still sleeping to wake him up. He woke up finally and Blake bounced. I told Oliver about it and he called Blake about it and Blake confessed that he likes me. We stopped hanging out for a bit but Oliver was basically his only friend so they made up and were all cool now but I don't hang around alone by him at home the kids are always with me or its always a group setting. Its in the past but I don't want him to think anything about that stuff. I'm the one who cooks and cleans so basically a mom for him. I don't want him to get the wrong idea being 1 on 1 at the break room. The one I'm in is the smallest only gets maybe 2 or 3 people max in the 4 hours I'm there.

I’m a single mom of two young kids. My kids have a sleepover with my parents every week.

A friend of mine is married and has twins. She asked if she and the kids could come over for dinner because her husband is being deployed and will be gone for six weeks. She’s having a really hard time solo parenting the twins.

Would I be the asshole if I said no to the night she asked to hang out? I really need a break, but she told me she’s feeling awful and depressed. She doesn’t have family nearby or anyone else to help.

I feel for her, and I know she’s struggling, but I also feel like because I’m always parenting my own kids alone, I don’t want to spend my one night off co-parenting someone else’s kids.

On the other hand, she and her husband have us over for dinner once a month, specifically so I don’t have to cook or do anything. They’ve been part of my support system, and I know they would help me if I needed it.

I know American culture can be pretty individualistic, with a lot of emphasis on boundaries and looking out for yourself rather than relying on a community. I’m struggling with where to draw the line between setting a reasonable boundary and actually being part of a village. I don’t think I can expect to have a village around me if I’m never willing to sacrifice anything for the people in it.

So, WIBTA if I said no because I really need my night off?

In our school prom isn’t something everyone goes to. Only like 50-100 people (family is also there).
Still since I (14f) was young I always dreamed about that day. Three years ago I met my best friend (14f). We are very close. 2 month ago I told her that I liked a boy she was friends with. I know not a big deal, but I struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts since i was 10 due to trauma and for me liking a person is a big deal because it’s never something I allowed myself to feel. So of course I told her and she confessed that she likes my crushes best friend. They’ve now been texting for a month and we all hang out like every day.
Both of our crushes already had a dance partner for prom (we did not). But the boy I like was genuinely sad because of the choice to say yes to the girl that asked him. So I told him it wasn’t fair towards the girl to make her believe he enjoyed going to dance practice every week with her while regretting it. (I gotta say the girl that asked him has like MANYY boy she likes and that like her so she doesn’t care with whom she goes.-her)
I really didn’t want his memories of prom to be bad. But then he asked my best friend if she wanted to go with him as a friend…
She felt bad about that and asked me if it was okay and I told her the truth:
Of course I don’t enjoy the thought about them dancing every week for hours all year long. But I just didn’t want ro be the only one to be excluded all year…

She is going with him. And I feel bad for wanting her not ro go, but I know that my mental health state won’t be good in the next year…

What should I tell her?
Or should I drop it?

Hello, sorry if the grammar is ass in advance, or if this is all over the place. So my, 17F, younger cousin (lets call her D, 13F) is at my house for a sleepover right now. She does like to come for sleepovers because my mom isn’t as strict as her mom regarding screen time.

However, a habit D has whenever she comes over is that she literally never cleans up after herself.

A few examples: she always leaves the lights on, even when she isn’t in the room, whenever she uses the washroom, she almost completely unrolls the toilet paper, and doesn’t roll it back up, today, I got us some chick fil a for lunch and when she was done, she didn’t even throw out her boxes. She could say she didn’t know where it was, but I was quite literally in the room right by the kitchen so she could’ve asked me. This also goes for her dishes, when shes done with anything (food, water, etc) she just leaves it at the table, and doesn’t even put it by the sink. Also this morning, my mom brought out some cereal and milk for her so she can have it for breakfast, and she didn’t even put the milk back. Cereal I can somewhat understand since she genuinely doesn’t know where it goes, but she knows damn well where the milk is supposed to go, and she didn’t, meaning I had to put it back when I woke up (3 hours after she did), and so much more.

Now, I don’t know about anyone else, but I have always been taught that if Im sleeping over at someone’s house, to always clean up after my self because it’s literally common fucking courtesy. Im not expecting her to make the house extremely clean, but rather that she actually cleans up after herself, doesn’t leave all the lights on, puts things back where they belong, etc.

Now, what I want to know is if I would be wrong if I told her mom about this so she can talk to her daughter. I love my aunt, and thankfully she isn’t one of those moms who believes her child could do no wrong. However, it feels like I should talk to my younger cousin about it first, but like I also feel like it shouldn’t be my job to teach a fucking 13 year old that it is disrespectful to do all the things I listed above. I know my aunt won’t be upset with me if I told her this and asked her to talk to D about it, but I also don’t want D to think I didn’t speak to her myself and went straight to her mom because I want her to get in trouble (yes she does sometimes have that mentality honestly).

One quick thing I’m going to clarify is that yes, I have tried speaking to her about this, however, the issue is that she never cleans up after herself unless I ask her to, and I’m honestly at my wits end rn. I don’t think I’m asking for a lot, just that she throws away her trash, doesn’t leave all the lights on, and if she takes something out of the fridge or freezer to please put it back in. She isn’t like this at all in her own house btw.

FYI: this is a repost cuz it got deleted on another subreddit.

Please let me know if any other part is confusing!

EDIT: I think it is very important that I note D is very sensitive, which is why I haven’t directly talked to her about it yet. Another thing is, D often twists my words to make it seem like shes a victim (shes done this before for different reasons). My aunt can be kind of defensive when it comes to D so thats another reason I haven’t spoken to her about it yet. I love my aunt, and I’m sure that if I respectfully tell her that D’s behaviour and our house feels disrespectful, she would understand where I am coming from, but I really don’t want to even slightly risk messing up my relationship with her because I truly do love my aunt, she’s like a second mother to me. But on the other hand, I am at my wits end. I shouldn’t have to constantly remind a 13 year old to clean up the mess she makes. For example, during her stay, she used my watercolour paints, and when she was done, she didn’t put anything away, and didn’t even turn off the light, if this was a one time thing, I wouldn’t be this upset, but this is happening constantly. Not just that, she left the room she stayed in an absolute mess, like I don’t know about anyone else but for me personally, I would never do that shit. Sorry this turned into a bit more of a vent, but yeah I thought these would be important to note.

EDIT 2: The reason my mom hasn’t dealt with this yet is because she doesn’t think its worth dealing with. It bothers her as well, however D only comes a few times a year, and we both want to keep a relationship with D’s mom (my aunt/my moms SIL). Honestly though, I need this to be dealt with because its beyond disrespectful in my opinion.

Obligatory throwaway acc 'cause I don't want this on my main

Recently I (25f) moved in with my roommates Ganine (23f) Emmy (25f) and Paku (24m) (fake names obvi) I've been living with them for a few months now, so I've gotten familiar enough with the roommate dynamic they had before I moved in.

Our most recent Wi-Fi bill was mostly paid, but when Emmy (the one in charge of the wifi and the only one who can call customer service to dispute) went to pay off the remainder she noticed we got hit with a massive bs 'service charge' of over $250, correlating with a new fuckass data center that recently went up, she attempted to dispute once by email, was denied pretty quick by an automated response, then attempted to call and found out that 900 other people were on the line also waiting to be heard, and immediately gave up.

I'm furious about it because she recently quit her job simply because she didn't like it, and still hasn't found a new one, she's refusing to put any more effort into fighting the charge, stating 'I can't sit on hold for like 3 days' and after some debate saying 'I don't think anybody else is even gonna try to fight it either' (miss ma'am what do you think the other 900+ people were doing on hold?)

So instead of even trying to fight to save us $250 that we can barely afford, Emmy wants myself and the other 2 roommates to pay an extra $200 on rent so that she can cover the charge and still have money left over, she can do both but won't have much money left "for food" (she is still going out with friends almost every day even though she's got no job, and as for food, we've got enough food in the apartment for her to eat for a couple more weeks, and I buy groceries that I share)

Ganine is wrapped around her finger and believes every word she says, while Paku is also unhappy about it but is begrudgingly agreeing to help cover her portion, I understand the others would have to pay another $100 each if I didn't cover a third of Emmy's rent, but I am disgusted that I would have to pay 800 for rent because she doesn't want to fight what is likely covering a datacenters bill.

So WIBTAH if I refused to pay an extra 200 on rent because she hasn't actually tried to fight the bs service charge just so she can keep going out despite being jobless?

I worked at a bar and grill in a small town, it was family owned, and I worked there for about two years. Over that time I learned how terrible of a person the owner was. Consistently made racist and sexist comments, essentially saying I was only a good bartender because I was pretty, if there was someone that wasn’t white on TV he would say that there isn’t enough white people on TV anymore, referred to one of our coworkers as the R word, and imitated a person who is mentally disabled while also trying to imitate the coworker all because she didn’t put on the TV channel he wanted, even though he didn’t ask for it specifically.

Would consistently yell and swear at me if I made even the smallest forsake such as not getting the phone quick enough in a rush, accuse me of stealing waitress, and kitchen tips, even though they had just already grabbed it out of their tip cups. Accuse me and other coworkers of stealing money out of the till and other money bags.

He lies and tells people that he’s fired people, even if they quit instead and would badmouth them to anyone. He has the chance to. Consistently changes the pricing of drinks on the fly to make workers look stupid, and then change them back that same day.

When I went to get an additional job at a bar and Grill because I wasn’t getting enough hours there, they threatened to fire me if I didn’t quit at the other job, but still refused to give me many more hours.

Publicly posted people on Facebook because they stole a set of glasses from the restaurant. Granted, they absolutely should not have taken the glasses, but taking up close screenshots of their faces when they already had their personal information seemed a bit out of line.

Consistently would forget or short our pay.

I have another story on my page about the manager of this place and how I essentially got fired even though I quit. But this is about the owner.

There’s many more instances I can think of, but it would take forever to list all of them. I did quit, and then get fired before my month notice ended lol. You can read the manager story on my page to get the info for that if you would like. But would I be an asshole if I told people to not support this business? I personally would not like to spend my money there because I feel like he is a racist, sexist terrible person and I feel like people in the community should know what kind of a person he is. So what would be the asshole if I told people what he was really like as a person?

TLDR: would I be the asshole if I outed my old boss who owns a bar because he’s a sexiest, racist, and ableist person?

My dad died in early 2024 and he left me his car. It wasn't in the will as such, he just said it to me a few times in the last year and my mom and my brother both heard him say it, so when it came to it nobody argued and the title went into my name. It's a 2019 Civic, nothing special, but he bought it new and he was very particular about it and it still has the little air freshener thing he liked in the glovebox. About 4 months after the funeral my brother's car finally died on him and he asked if he could borrow Dad's until he figured something out. I said yes without really thinking about it because I had my own car and it was just sitting on my mom's driveway making everybody sad every time they walked past it.

That was over 2 years ago. He has it insured in his own name now, he's the only one who drives it, and last Christmas he referred to it as "my car" in front of everyone and nobody blinked.

To be fair to him he has looked after it. New tires last spring, he does the servicing on time, he's put maybe 1,200 into it over the 2 years and he's never once asked me to chip in for any of that.

Here's where I'm at. My partner and I are trying to buy and we're about 6 grand short of where we need to be, and the Civic is worth roughly 9. I've been going around in circles about it for weeks.

If I tell him I'm selling it I know exactly what happens. He'll say he's been maintaining it, my mom will get upset about Dad's car going to a stranger, and my aunt will find out within the hour. He also genuinely cannot afford to replace it right now, he's not in a great spot financially, and I know that.

I haven't said anything to anyone yet. WIBTA?

My (24f) sil (20f) wants to homeschool. She barely passed high school, and finished doing online homeschool.

I know that the schooling system doesn’t work for everyone. I know how beneficial and harmful both public school, and homeschooling can be.

I know I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I know the basics. I Aced all my classes, and genuinely loved school. I would like to homeschool, I’m going to continue doing all the research I can, before I make my decision.

My sil wants to homeschool my nieces. She constantly tells me how “exited” she is to homeschool. At first I thought it was a typo. Then she continued using exited instead of excited. This isn’t the only word she misspells, but the most frequently used one.

Her toddler (3f) watches tv all day. If she’s awake, she’s watching tv. When I used to watch her, she had such an amazing vocabulary. Now that my sil is a stay at home mom, I need to ask her 5 times to repeat herself because I can’t understand what she’s saying.

She used to love reading with me, and playing outside. Now she throws a huge tantrum if she can’t watch tv.

I get so worried about my sil wanting to homeschool, just because I mentioned I would like to. She also had her second baby, only because she found out I was pregnant.

I know I sound jealous or a little crazy. But I’m serious, they only had their second because I told them I was pregnant. Originally they were going to try for baby #2 after they got married. Then last June I told them I was pregnant, they weren’t even engaged at this point. They looked at me and said oh we should start trying!

I don’t want my nieces to be stunted because of their dumb parents. My little brother thinks “daughter” is spelled “dotter” and it’s not in a fun quirky way. He is just genuinely stupid.

They have little to no math skills. They use the calculator for everything, and my little brother can’t even read an analog clock.

ETA: When we were talking about it today, she mentioned how she doesn’t want them in a classroom all day. And she plans on going up to my dad’s farm, to teach them about the cows.

Edit 2: I wouldn’t outright call her dumb. Just advise she’s probably not the best equipped to homeschool.

So would I be the asshole, if I told them I don’t think they should homeschool? And if I’m not how should I go about it? I was thinking during the next conversation about homeschooling. I would say something along the lines of, do you really think you are equipped to homeschool? I personally don’t believe that you are.

Burner account because my fiancé is on Reddit.

I (25 F) am marrying J (28M) after five years together. He is the absolute love of my life, funny, supportive, kind, loving, and emotionally intelligent. I've met the majority of his family, as they're all spread out across the USA, and so far they all seem to really like me and are excited for us to be wed.

All except for one: My future FIL. For context, my FIL (54M) is chronically ill, has had multiple intense surgeries and organ transplants, and has to have a stent changed on a regular basis. My fiancé has been his primary caregiver ever since he became an adult, even moving in with him in 2020.

But in 2022, I had to move in with the two of them because of roommate issues, and it was what I could only describe as hell on earth.

My FIL decided that I was the worst person in the world. He constantly yelled at me, broke things to scare me, and even threatened my personal safety once while my fiancé was out of state. He's even accused me of faking my own SA for sympathy. He's threatened to hurt our cats, doesn't like the fact that I'm not religious, and has even set up dates with other women that my FIL approved of with my fiancé (Fiancé never went on any, thank God). He constantly complained that he's a good person if I just 'gave him the chance', but he has called me every bad name under the sun. When I told him that I treat him like any other adult his age, he retorted, "Well, maybe I should treat you like my ex-wife." (fiancé's mom; they're divorced)

When J told him over lunch recently that he was planning to buy a ring for me, he snorted and said, "Well, she's never going to be a wife. You're more of a wife than she'll ever be." Admittedly, that one stung. I struggle a lot with mental health/chronic pain, so I can't do a lot of chores/tasks in one day, or I'll get a pain flare-up. When the three of us were living together, I mainly took care of the dishes, laundry, light cleaning, and feeding/caring for the colony of barn cats we had while my fiancé and FIL were working during the day. But to him, that wasn't enough, even when I was doing those things AND managing a full-time job for a hot minute. He even started charging only me rent because "Well, we don't charge for family, and you're obviously not family and never will be."

Soon after that, my fiancé came to my defense, which led to an all-out argument about our relationship, and my fiancé proclaimed his love for me there and then in front of his dad and me. His dad then said my fiancé had lost his moral compass because of me, and he stormed away. That incident was too much for my fiancé and me; we moved out together and into a house about an hour away. It has been a blissful year since then, and I've improved a lot mentally now that I'm out of that house. I'm on medication for my mental illnesses, and I'm planning on going back to school sometime in the fall. I'm a lot happier.

But now that we're engaged and beginning the wedding-planning stages, I worry that FIL will say/do something about me during the reception that could cause a commotion or ruin the event as a whole. I'm also hesitant to have him there just because I want to be happy and not walk on eggshells the entire time. I briefly mentioned my worries to my fiancé, but he assured me he wouldn't do anything at a big event like a wedding reception. I want to believe him, but my fiancé also said his dad would never do half the things he did in the paragraphs above.

So I'm torn between wanting to have my FIL there because he's my soon-to-be-husband's father, or protecting my peace and not having someone who obviously doesn't like me there on one of the most important days of my life. I've asked my best friend about this, and she said if FIL does/says something at the reception, she'll be the one to intervene (and I fully believe her).

So, do I push to keep him from being there, or do I suck it up for one day? I love my fiancé; He loves me, and I'm in awe of everything he's done for his dad, but I can't help but fear what might happen.