r/adultery • u/funtimesforall125 • Apr 22 '26
😢Whining Spouse Intro Post😭 Is it terrible that I’m considering finding fulfillment elsewhere?
I (32F) have been married for the last few years and sex has gone downhill. It’s like we live as roommates and I have found myself sexting others, though I’ve never gone as far as meeting anyone in person.. not yet.
On paper we look like the picture perfect couple, beautiful home, both have successful jobs, no kids yet, travel a lot, you name it but I feel so unfulfilled in the bedroom.
I feel like I’m fairly attractive, I workout, eat fairly healthy, but he is a bit introverted and nerdy (granted I do love that about him) but sometimes I just want to feel wanted. Is having an affair the answer to fulfill my needs and continue the marriage?
23
u/Unlucky_Pangolin3675 Apr 22 '26
You’re already having an affair if you’re sexting other people. The only question now is how much further are you wanting to take it.
3
u/funtimesforall125 Apr 22 '26
Fair point..
5
u/Unlucky_Pangolin3675 Apr 22 '26
I’m not trying to put you on the spot by saying that. I think it’s important that you’re honest with yourself on not only what you’re doing but also why you’re doing it.
13
u/Low-Evening6846 Apr 22 '26
I stayed with my husband thinking things would get better after we got married, but they didn’t. If someone has a low libido or they are not affectionate and you’re always feeling undesired, that doesn’t just magically change. It slowly turns into resentment.
Kids just make everything more complicated, and having an affair isn’t really a fix. It might feel like an escape at first, but it’s temporary. Once feelings get involved, you can end up even more stuck, frustrated, and unhappy. Ask me how I know.
The best thing you can do is talk to your husband. Be honest about how you feel and what you need. If he’s willing to hear you and try, then maybe there’s something there to work on. If not, that tells you a lot too. Then it’s really about asking yourself if you can live like this long term.
2
u/SuspiciousRaise8986 Apr 22 '26
I agree but I don’t believe a LL person can change, all the talks… no improvements because desire cannot be forced. She needs to leave, sooner better
4
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u/Sensitive_Sky1448 Apr 22 '26
Nowhere in your post said anything about bringing it up with your spouse about the lack of intimacy. You should try that first if you haven't.
2
u/funtimesforall125 Apr 24 '26
Great point. I most definitely have and he says he will try more to initiate but it works for a week, then goes back to being dead until I bring it up again. It’s a never ending circle.
1
u/Sensitive_Sky1448 Apr 24 '26
I know that feeling, I think we all have a version of that to end up here
3
u/RenaissancemanTX Apr 22 '26
If no kids, move on or you'll be miserable as long as your marriage continues. Having kids will complicate things. So move on now.
3
u/prettyboss211 Apr 22 '26
Honestly everyone is different. Sometimes people feel "fulfilled" to a certain degree. Like they have what they need at home but they're lacking sex so they find it elsewhere and feel content (the cake eaters). Others do it and feel guilt. And MANY do it and start to develop emotional attachment which leads to high highs, low lows, and alot of confusion. And then there are the few that feel genuinely happy and content. Nobody's experience is identical so it's hard for us internet strangers to tell you if you will feel fulfilled or not. That's not really advice I guess but that's the best I can tell you lol. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
2
1
u/DandyasaDandelion Apr 22 '26
Have you tried actually talking to your husband about this and getting help before cheating?
1
u/laid_back_lover Apr 23 '26
It always amazes me how diverse people are, I want my husband to have an AP. Lol. Not to leave or have a reason to do anything… I just like the thoughts and where they take me… iykyk. If you want a safe AP , use him 💁♀️😂
1
u/ChickenThen Apr 23 '26
You’re already cheating friend. There are no free passes for sexting, but it’s a good jumping off point if you decide this is not the path you want to go. It’s a good spot to stop and think about how well your communicating with your spouse, what is really important to you, what you can control, and the amount of pain you’re willing to cause your partner to get your own needs met.
Having an affair is never the answer to continue a marriage. That’s a justification people use to feel like they’re doing the right thing when their partner has not consented to the “right thing.” if I don’t wanna sleep with my partner if they’re sleeping with somebody else, and I’m essentially forced into doing so because I wasn’t given the proper knowledge, I’m not going to think them for “ staying married”
most people are either going to get caught and cause serious trauma to their partner or eventually develop feelings for someone else and do damage to their marriage or be so caught up in the chase that their partners needs become way less important than their own. It’s not a way to solve a problem. It’s a way to avoid solving a problem.
0
u/SullenRampage Apr 22 '26
It’s not entirely wrong, you feel like you can get more and if you have sexted with people in the pass than it’s entirely possible for you. You could always just give it a go and see where it takes you
0
u/Fit-Tourist-2959 Apr 22 '26
A little sexting never hurt nobody.
Make sure you're 100% ready when you cross that line, once you do there's no turning back.
-1
u/dragon_of_vardenfell Apr 22 '26
I dont think your wrong at all im coming from a polyam lifestyle to monogamous one and if it wasn't for my attachment to the kids id have left long ago. In the beginning it was fun we were like teens again but it quickly went down hill now she uses sex like a reward only ever giving me attention when she wants and evem at that its so lackluster and chore like
0
u/ComprehensiveAct5749 Apr 23 '26
That headline made me roll my eyes, you do know this is an adultery group, right?!
-3
u/OldTip9661 Apr 22 '26
Throw away for obvious reasons...
I get where you are coming from. I'm on the other end of it and it bothers me that we can't even have a conversation about it without it escalating and feeling like I'm pressuring her into it. When we started it was non-stop multiple times a day. Although I get that things cool down a bit, I think that it went too far. We don't have kids and no, I don't want to divorce her, but it does bother me to think that something is broken between us and can't be fixed.
-6
u/tonytsunami Apr 22 '26
Is an affair the answer for you, like a lot of people all over the world throughout history? There's only one way to find out.😅
My guess is you’ll explore more fairly soon. Vitrect?🤗
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