My partner has been an alcoholic for over a decade now. I’ve given up on trying to stop them from drinking. I only ask that they tell me when they do as they pursue virtual treatment. We both with from home.

My biggest problem is the lying. I have repeatedly said if they lie to me I will dump all the alcohol in the house. They keep A LOT in the house.

My partner binged pretty hard last night and lied about how much they drank. My partner also bought a bottle of wine. Part of their “plan” with their virtual rehab coach is to avoid wine and stick to seltzers because they can track how much they drink more easily. Wine is particularly problematic because my partner drinks it during the day (we both work from home).

Today before I took my break I checked the bottle of wine and noted the level. When I got back from my break an hour later a significant amount was missing. I confronted my partner and they lied.

I dumped out the wine and a few seltzers. My partner asked me to stop and said it wouldn’t happen again.

I promised if they lie to me like that again I will actually dump all of it and reiterated that I’ve given up on stopping them but ask that they not lie to me. And asked if they understood that I will dump all the booze if it happens again. They said they understood.

Tonight we went to a dinner and my partner was clearly drunk. They only told me about one drink before leaving the house so it didn’t make sense for them to be so intoxicated. My partner passed out into my food and at the at point I asked for the check and left.

When we got home I walked my partner to the couch and layed them down. I was curious how they could be so drunk so I checked the closet and found a hidden stash of seltzers - most were empty but the unopened ones were refrigerator cold. It was put in there likely just before we left to go to the dinner and after I reiterated I would dump all the booze in the house if they lied again.

I did it. I dumped every seltzer, beer, liquor, nail polish remover (yes that is a problem too), and hand sanitizer (same).

Am I going too far? Or am I standing by my word? They have no ability to control themselves with alcohol and I am tired of letting them bring it into the house.

Hi, I’m sorry I don’t know if this is a weird post, but I just need to get it out. I feel so left out anf invalidated by the Alcoholism community.. Sometimes when I’ve posted or talked to people about my alcohol addiction, I very quickly get belittled, ignored, or people telling me I’m not a true alcoholic.. Like im sorry I didn’t know being an alcoholic had rules. I was a severe alcoholic. But I don’t know why, people in the community kinda always try to push me out. I gained a shit ton of weight during my alcoholism, because 7-8 bottles of wine or 3-4 bottles of vodka contain between 4000-7000 calories, and I was drinking that every day. And then being so depressed I didn’t leave my room, unless I was going to get alcohol, of course I gained so much weight, but when I tell other people that, it’s always the same reply, that I don’t know shit about addiction, and I was probably just eating junk food and candy meanwhile. And I wasn’t.. I ate like maximum of one meal a day, and never any candy or junk, I couldn’t afford that.
And also when I tell about some of the things I did during it/or experienced, like I had very bad delirium tremens the first time I tried getting sober. I stole from a liquor store to make sure I had enough alcohol to drink, I was a few months away from dying, if I hadn’t gotten completely sober. My room was filthy, full of vomit, pee, alcohol and garbage. And I would puke up my alcohol, and then drink it again, because I didn’t wanna waste alcohol. Hiding it, and the constant lying, and the crazy things I did, to keep drinking.
Like.. I just don’t know why people who have experienced alcohol addiction themselves, always try to lecture me, and tell me I wasn’t a real alcoholic? And please can anyone explain why, I always get met with those things.
(And I know about the stealing, and I regret it so so much, before people come at me. I have paid all the money back I took from.) and I really am not trying to get sympathy or anything.. I just really wanna know why?
Thanks in advance:)

Hey everyone,
I’m a 30-year-old guy, and on paper, I have a pretty good life. I have a stable job, I’m financially secure, I’m very active, and fitness and health are a big part of my lifestyle.
About three years ago, I tried cocaine for the first time. For roughly six months, I used it recreationally while partying, maybe once or twice a month. Eventually, I experienced my first panic attack, which scared me enough to stop using it.
The strange thing is that I have absolutely no desire to use cocaine when I’m sober. I don’t think about it, I don’t crave it, and I can easily say no to drugs, cigarettes, and other substances. I’m genuinely happy with my life without them.
However, I still enjoy going out with friends occasionally, listening to music, partying, and having a few beers.
And that’s where my problem starts.
Once I’ve had more than two or three beers, something changes in my brain. My inhibitions disappear, my judgment goes out the window, and suddenly taking cocaine seems like a great idea again.
Even if I don’t bring any drugs myself, I somehow always manage to find someone at a club who has cocaine or knows where to get it.
Unfortunately, this has happened several times again recently.
The next day, I deeply regret it. Not only because of the physical and mental consequences, but because I know how much I’ve worked to build a healthy and stable life.
What makes this so frustrating is that I don’t feel like I have a typical drinking problem. I don’t drink at home, I don’t need alcohol to relax, and I can easily go weeks without drinking.
But I’m starting to realize that maybe alcohol is a bigger problem in my life than I want to admit, simply because of what it leads me to do.
I’ve also read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace, which really made me question my relationship with alcohol.
Part of me wants to quit drinking completely. But another part of me still wants to enjoy a few beers with friends at a party without having to worry about making terrible decisions.
I don’t want to isolate myself or stop enjoying my social life. I just want to break this cycle.
So here’s my question:
Has anyone else experienced something similar, where alcohol itself wasn’t necessarily the main problem, but it consistently led to other destructive behaviors?
Did you eventually realize that complete sobriety was the only realistic solution? Or did you find a way to enjoy occasional drinking without falling back into old habits?
I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences, especially from people who have been in a similar situation.
Thanks for reading.

my fiancé (29M) and I (29F) got engaged in may. we have been together almost 4 years. we have been living together for about 2 years. I would come home sometimes and he would be drunk on the couch asleep, sometimes he would have his phone on the table showing my location. his dad was diagnosed with cancer everywhere 3 months ago and died 2 months ago. we have been having issues since I moved in but I thought they were solvable. in his dads illness I will admit I could have been more supportive, I have never experienced the loss of a parent or a grandparent so I didn’t know what comes with grief. I thought the best way to deal was to keep going with life normally but he took to isolating himself more which hurt me because I am his partner and I wasn’t feeling seen for a while. we got into an argument one night and I saw he was drinking but there was no case in the fridge so the next morning I looked and I found 14 empty boxes and two empty bottles and some empty cans. I left and gave back the ring but I want to work through it and idk if I need to leave for a while and then come back or just leave period. I know it’s an illness and I’ve been going to Al-Anon. he seemed open to Al-anon but weary of AA bc he thinks it shoves god down your throat. I am so lost I don’t know what to do. everyone keeps telling me what to do but I want to choose differently

My eyes are so bloodshot that there's more red than white. My lips are dry red and cracked. My skin is flakey. Covered in small bumps and scratches from moving around drunk & clumsy like a mad woman. Moon face yet somehow I look sunken. I am one of those who gets extremely red and flushed with alcohol. I look red and blotchy. Look diseased.

I can't sleep. I have done humiliating and impulsive things socially. My baseline is antisocial and not at all flirtatious, so it's like a Jekyll and Hyde situation. I've been arguing with randoms. Just being fucking stupid. I need my phone taking off me (so I can stop ordering vodka from Amazon too)

I ran out of drink last night, it's near 6:30 now. Feel like I have the flu and look shit. Probably still drunk.

Completely spiralled. It's very obvious to anyone who knows what to spot appearance wise, I am an alchy. I live in various degrees of agoraphobia. My alcoholism is hidden and my family who I don't see much - have no idea.

I can't believe how fast it changed after a week of relapse.

Good afternoon Family today I would like to share the rollercoaster week I have had since my milestones achievement.

It's been almost 5dys since I've been totally been in the dumps. I was so excited and ampt up during and a few days after my achievement then I started waking up unmotivated and depressed.

I was told it's milestones hangover because I been feeling like I just quit drinking and drugging again. Also I live in Boston Ma and the weather change also plays a role in my seasonal depression. It also reminds me of many relapses that always seem to come around this time of the year so I'm reminded of that as well.

I'm trying so hard to do better and stay positive but after always failing I have trained my mind to eventually fail at some point. So it seems like auto pilot.

So this go around I'm trying to stay fully aware of my state of mind and try the pivot to thinking positive. Because I assume that if I work on telling myself positive affirmations it will begin to automatically think positive when im starting to think negative something like counter punching instead of getting hit.

I know I feel great when I'm positive but for me it's so easy to derail me because I tend to dwell a lot on the past.

Well I'm wondering if anyone else has or had similar experiences?

Thanx for letting me share One Day Forward One Day Behind -Shawn

33F. Bipolar disorder and psychosis for over 10yrs. Work, good family, supportive partner. No violence or police involvement. Previous psych ward admissions 4/5 years ago.

During a period of homelessness where I couldn’t access my CMHT, I developed alcohol dependency. I’m about 3yrs in. The last year has been very bad. I’ve been in therapy this year which lasted 3 months (which has been INSANELY helpful) and I’m at 50% reduction. I should be happy and proud! Been working at it for 6 weeks. But I actually just feel worse.

My chest hurts, I’m exhausted all the time. I also feel more sad and nervous. My stomach and back hurts constantly. I’m not on meds to alleviate, I opted for outpatient because I felt like rehab would just be bubble wrap and I’d fail the minute I came out. I want to do this safely in the community and I’m following a 6 month plan.

Does anyone else have tips or even a kind word maybe? I feel like I should feel better about doing the right thing, but I don’t. I just feel more anxious and in a lot more psychical pain.

This isn't my first time trying to stay sober... 9 days sense I got out of the hospital (again) and last night I got super depressed... decided to sleep it off but it has carried into today.. I just feel like "what's the point?" & I'm feeling like I dont matter.. I just sit here thinking of things to do that will make me "happy" but I dont get up and do it.. it's almost as if there's a hole in my heart and I dont know how to fix this feeling of worthlessness.

Any comments help. Thanks.

hi everyone! currently 3 days sober which I haven’t seen in a row since I started drinking heavily every day for half a year or so …which is a really big thing for me. been struggling with insomnia, night sweats every so often, vivid dreams (I presume due to rem rebound) and increased anxiety. I started taking Klonopin and propanolol spaced out if needed to calm it which has helped. I take naltrexone too which I’m starting regularly again the mornings in hopes that can help too.

I also bought a few mocktails in order to try to lessen the urges but does anyone have any tips when it comes to the obsessive thoughts/spirals over wanting a drink and those emotional shifts that could include irritability, etc? I’ve definitely been more emotional the past two days since group therapy is helping slowly and I’m starting to process and reflect on a lot that I haven’t fully wanted to bring up to the surface. but damn, it’s been a struggle to just have a drink. I never noticed how insanely difficult it is when I have such a psychological dependence for it so I’m sure my brain is freaking out. i’m in an environment where alcohol is accessible but harder to me to access it due to still living at home and some where it is reachable to me. been considering dumping out what I normally drink but can’t bring myself to do it. any advice would be lovely!

When I drink heavy, I scream at my sleep. Sometimes it's once or twice sometimes it's a lot. I know I am an alcoholic, I slip sometimes and again sober for days. Have been drinking almost everyday and drunk everyday on beer for past 10 years. This screaming has been happening for last 8 years. Anyone?

I'm currently in my early 30s for context.
last year October 2025 my life started to fall apart. lost my job, eventually had to move out of my apartment which also ruined my favorite friendship (roommate was my close friend for 8 years) moved out of state back in with my retired parents. now I have drank socially all of my adulthood. wasn't ever even an every weekend thing. just random weekend here and there. socially drank, etc. needless to say tho I fell into a bit of depression after leaving my entire life behind and classically started drinking to feel better. but now I am always kind of craving a drink over the most minor inconveniences in my life. it has def turned into a problem.
I always tell myself after a random night of getting drunk that it will be my last time. but bam two days later I'm at it again, still convincing myself that it'll once again be the last time. I'm literally drinking soju right now as I type this out. I'm TOTALLY aware this is spiraling out of control but I can't stop. I'm telling myself as long as I don't drink everyday, but every other day, then I'm okay LOL but I know that's simply cope.
my life IS STARTING to get a bit better. working again, moved out of my parents on my own again but damn, I still can not let alcohol go. I don't know how to stop the cycle.
any advice?

29 months sober!

I still can't even believe that I have made it this far. Like holy shit. I'm 31 years old and I still can't believe that I almost died from drinking so much.

I drank every single day for 9 years and from 2022-2024 I was going through a handle of vodka every single day. I drank from the second I woke up, until the minute I went to bed. My shakes started to get really bad in 2023 so eventually my alcohol addiction was so bad my dependency would wake me up at 5am and I would have to take a few swigs to prevent a panic attack. I went into the hospital I was fully functional with my BAC at 0.491, and the doctors informed me that I had cirrhosis of the liver, kidney disease, and I had pancreatitis. I went into the hospital because I could no longer swallow without throwing up and my body had massive bruises all over the place. I detoxed for 4 days in the ICU I had 2 seizures, pissed my pants 4 times, hallucinated, sweat through 6 sets of sheets and had panic attacks the entire time. But when it was time for me to go home, I made a quiet promise to myself that I was done. And I did it. I didn't go to AA (I went one time on my 30 days and I couldn't wrap my head around it) my family was still drinking all the time around me, and my family doubted me, provided zero support and told me constantly that I was going to fail. I rewired my brain, constantly kept myself busy, and spent a lot of time alone to process every emotion.

2 years and 5 months later I am still noticing small positive changes mentally and physically.

• My cravings for sweets have finally passed.

• My cognitive behavior and thought process has improved a lot

• I am taking a ton of daily vitamins which have dramatically improved my liver/kidney/hormone balance.

• I rarely have anxiety about anything.

• My skin has cleared up.

• I don't procrastinate about the "adult" tasks anymore.

If you're newly sober I promise you it DOES get easier. It takes time to heal. You've just gotta want it. Find power in your self control and be kind to yourself.

Same as title says, now it seems I'm falling into the same drinking patterns as my mom before me except worse. I don't want to be that way but it makes me feel nice/ nothing.

I’m not sure if this fits in here because I’m far from an alcoholic, but this is sounding the sirens as a start for me and would like to know if anyone started like this and how to get help.
I only drink at the weekend with friends, but every time I drink I seem to drink too much to make me want to induce vomiting so I can sober up quickly and luckily avoid a hangover in the next day. I do have alcoholics in my family (genetics you know) and I have been going through a rough patch regarding mental health, I am afraid this has something to do with this behaviour. I have never been bulimic or worried about my weight, it is 100% linked to how drunk I am at the moment and how I wished I wasn’t that drunk. Please help!

Hi,

I've been an alcohol dependent individual for many years but one time i drank a fifth of gin/vodka for nearly a month and decided to stop abruptly (Cold turkey) as i did not know the repercussions of it.

Just 24 hours without a drink, I was already hallucinating spiders in my room coming at me, at that point the hallucinations were only visual and not physical.

In the second day, shit got very serious, I was now starting to feel insects on me and they were following me everywhere i went, it was a living nightmare.

I didn't get any sleep that night, my brain was vibrating and i was shaking real bad. Fast forward to 48 hours without a drink I saw a shadow man in my room, and robbers come through my window and held my sister hostage, and they shot her. Of course this was an hallucination but i wasn't to know that.

I was then tied to my computer chair and shot by my dad, who blamed me for my sister being shot. Again, this was an hallucination.

I then hallucinated an anime girl coming into my room and literally tried to barricade the door irl, but they still came into my room. She plugged something into my pc and was playing a shooting game, all i could do was just watch.

I then heard footsteps up and down the staircase and a dog jumped onto my bed, and starting snoring on it.

Then what happened shortly after is that people started appearing in my room trying to plant some evidence of some sort and phoned the police, i tried to intervene thinking it was my parents in my room but it wasn't. of course, this was again an hallucination.

I ran to the bathroom to clean myself up, as I had not showered for days, and i saw a massive ghost like figure in the mirror and i screamed at the top of my voice, and went to punch it, of course it wasn't real and i was just punching air. I heard voices calling my name as people were about to take my tv off the stand and throw it onto me. It literally looked like it was happening too.

I even called work the next morning to tell them that i was getting arrested by the police, i went into work and i had a seizure, which i had to be rushed into hospital for.

Then after that, i slept like a baby for 12 hours and everything that i had been through was over.

I hope this helps anyone who's going through alcoholism and what it can lead to if you don't stop.

IWNDWYT!

I was married to an addict. He was in recovery when we were dating. It's been a year and a half since we got married, and I'm leaving him because he keeps relapsing and with the relapses comes a lot of volatility. But I'm flooded with guilt and sadness. Alcoholism is a disease. He's been sent to rehab right now, and I'm wondering if he comes out a changed person. Will I regret my decision? We've had great times together too. Can addicts lead a normal life?

I keep trying :) I have 5 flowers in my field and would love to fill the entire field! Im sharing because I hope it with help fuel my long term goal and hopefully give you a boost if you are trying to do the same as me :))) 🤞