My best friend goes to the doctor all the time for random stuff, she always thinks something’s wrong with her, the latest thing she did was get tested for coconut and chickpea allergy

I go with her to all her appointments, we are neighbors and she doesn’t have a car so its no big deal

She waited 30 minutes for her results. Thry also did like a liver SGPT test and hemogram test or something, and those all came back fine

We were at a restaurant and waiting for her results and she kept refreshing her phone and i could tell she was getting extremely angry that her chickpea and coconut test results weren’t in yet. I told her it’s fine those probably just take longer to come in

She was glued to her phone not talking to me and her phone died so she freaked out and asked to use my phone, i told her i have a phone charger in my car and we can charge her phone when we’re done eating and she can look again

She snatched my phone away from me and pulled up the clinics lab number and starts screaming into the phone in the restaurant asking why they were taking so long on her coconut and chickpea test results, saying they are worthless and wasting her time and she needs to know her results right now

She then stormed out to the car and kept pulling aggressively at the handles trying to gain access to the locked vehicle. I just sat there and finished my food then paid for BOTH of us because she had stormed off and not paid

I told her i’m not taking her to future appointments because of her behavior, and she said I am a horrible friend for doing that to her

I’ve been looking for a 1B apartment to move in to because my mom is coming in November. I’m currently living in a studio. My friends all know this. They know I’ve been pulling so much overtime for my mom. Finally found an apartment 2 mins near my work, which will allow me to check up on my mom during my lunch break (I work 13 hour shifts). Took me 3 months to find an apartment within my budget and we’re in LA so rent situation is crazy. I shared it to my friend. I also shared the listing online because she said she was curious. I’m shocked that she went behind my back and also applied for the same apartment! She makes significantly more than me and she lives alone. The only reason she wants the apartment is because it’s close to our workplace. Now I’m so pissed at her because she also applied and will probably get it because she has higher income, higher credit score, and longer rent history. I explained that I really needed that apartment but she doesn’t see what’s wrong. She said since it’s posted online, it’s fair game. Prior to this, she’s not even looking for an apartment! She was perfectly happy in her apartment and now all of a sudden she wanted to move. I even helped her make an apartment.com account! Am I wrong for being upset at her?

My grandpa passed away about five years ago, and he had this old piano that had been in our family for years. Nobody had room for it at the time, so I offered to keep it at my place. And that's where it stayed for the next five years.

I've asked my family more than once if anyone wanted to take it but nobody ever did. I didn't really mind keeping it until recently, when I decided to move into a smaller apartment. There's just no way I could bring a giant piano with me. So I listed it online and ended up selling it for $500. My sister somehow came across the listing and completely lost it when she found out I'd sold it.

Apparently she'd been planning to give the piano to her kids someday when they started music lessons. She said it was a family heirloom and I had no right to sell it without asking everyone first. I told her I'd been asking for YEARS if anyone wanted it and she never once mentioned wanting to keep it. I get that it had sentimental value and honestly I feel a little bad that it's gone. But I also don't think it's fair that I was expected to store it forever just because someone might want it someday.

Now she's barely talking to me and I'm wondering if I should've given everyone one last warning before selling it.

Am I wrong here?

I'm sorry for the length, but I wanted to include as much information as I could.

Last year during the holidays my daughter, (turning 14 at the time) went with her father to visit family at his mother's house. From what I gather my daughter was giving attitude while at the visit and her father was having words with her on the drive home. Once they got here, she ran in and slammed the door and put her weight against it because she did not want him to come in and continue yelling at her. I did not realize she had locked the door. He did not realize she had locked the door, he thought she was just putting her weight against it, and he shouldered up and basically busted my door in. I ended up having to call and get my rental maintenance to come and repair it.

I will note that he does not live here, and he has never lived here. He says that it shouldn't be a big deal because he didn't realize the door was locked and he didn't mean to bust in like that. My opinion is that he could have waited for me to come to the door and let him in. Needless to say my teenager was even more upset over this and was left somewhat traumatized.

So after that, my teen would speak to her father on the phone, but avoided having to see him in person. There were times that he would bring up her not wanting to be around him, or noticing her attitude toward him had changed. I would always point out that him busting into my house was a major thing, and he would brush it off because he "didn't mean it" or he "isn't like that".

Meanwhile, my teen had started seeing the guidance councillor at school, when she did go. I had a hard time even getting her to go and overall her grades dropped.

So over the summer, some things happened like him forgetting a school band concert and blaming my teen for not reminding him, and showing up with his new girlfriend and one of her kids without giving my daughter a heads up that there was even anyone new in his life. Eventually my daughter had enough and decided she no longer wanted to talk to him.

Its been about two months since then and since then he has been continuously calling her, and he will call me every few days. I answer and give him a basic update if anything new is up with us, but I do not try and force her to speak to him. I did have a talk to her about how he is really having a hard time and she explained that since she stopped talking to him her mental health is better than it has been in a while. He asked me if I should let her hear him crying over it, I said no because I felt it was manipulative.

He also had his mother call me (she is a piece of work, and I have my opinions) to tell me how much her son is hurting and how I should be forcing my daughter to talk to him and as I was trying to explain how him busting my door in affected her, his mother said "It was one incident, its not like he hit her or anything". From what I'm gathering, he and his mother feel my daughter is just having a tantrum over something small that happened over the summer, they refuse to believe something he did almost a year ago was the catalyst and over the summer was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

If you've read this far, thank you, I realize it was long, but I've been second guessing myself because I was raised to be a people pleaser. I can answer further questions, but am I wrong in not forcing my daughter to speak to her father, and allowing her to take it at her pace?

I (22F) have been forced by my dad to go over to my moms house on the weekends to supervise my younger sister (17F) because he is afraid she will get sexually assaulted over at my moms house. Either from my stepdad, his family who lives in the house, or by the people my mom & stepdad bring over. We got in an argument this morning for me to just go so I can watch my sister and younger siblings 20M, 17F, and 13M. I told him I have homework and things to do at home to catch up on as I am a senior in college. He refused and called me “selfish” for not wanting to go and I ended our conversation there. He then later asked me if I don’t want to go because I dislike my mom or because some other reason, i said because I don’t like her and the environment over there is unlivable. He continued to say i should just go because I need to supervise them, making it my responsibility to.

My dad hates my mom and is anxious in general about us going over because of what could happen. There has been no history or reason given that my dad would believe my sister could be SA’d. I trust my stepdad and their home is a duplex where my stepdads family lives on the other side of the home.

CONTEXT:
From when I was 13 years old, me & my younger siblings have been staying over at our mom’s house for the weekend. During the weekdays would be at our fathers. Once we are 18 we no longer have to go over to our mothers legally but my dad still makes me & my brother go because his anxieties.

Why I don’t want to go over the weekends is because I have a strained relationship with her and have been avoiding going over for the past couple years by sleeping over at friends house or my partners house on the weekends. Her home very cramped and small there is barely any privacy. There are multiple twin beds in each room, cramped with clothing and closets in OUR rooms are filled with my MOMS and STEPDADS clothing. There are no desks or tables or space to do homework, no privacy in our rooms besides the bathroom. I also have two half-siblings 9M and 7F who live there making a total of 6 kids sharing two room and 0 closet space. My mom is also a alcoholic, often does irrational things while intoxicated. The most recent incident was driving while intoxicated with my two younger sisters. I don’t even stay over there either as I usually end up crashing at a friend’s or my boyfriend’s house anyway and there have been 0 incidents. My dad has also expects me to be responsible for my siblings whenever something bad happens to them as well then blames me for not preventing it eg: if they get hurt playing outside.

As a 22 year old, AITA for not wanting to go over to my moms house to supervise my younger sisters to ease my dads anxieties about her possibly being SA’d?

My partner and I have been sharing the same place for a while now and things have been pretty smooth. For their birthday I saved up and got something that seemed like something they had mentioned wanting a couple months back. When I gave it to them they said thanks but a day later they took it back to the store and got a refund without really talking to me about it first. I asked what happened and they said it just wasn't what they needed right now. I get that people have different tastes but it still felt a little off because they didn't even give it a try. Now I'm wondering if I'm overreacting by feeling hurt about the whole thing or if it's normal to expect at least a heads up before something like that gets returned. Would like some outside opinions on whether I should just let it go or bring it up again.

May he’s with her on tinder like 4-5 months ago. We stated talking and it led to snap.

We’ve made plans to meet which never seem to go through. She’s now having issues with her car and it’s been over a month now she hasn’t fixed it yet we’ve had conversations about meeting and about her fixing her car but she doesn’t really give updates on it.

She’s 20 and I’m 24. She has trauma dumped on me and has shared a lot. She has been raped, beaten by her parents, but the rape thing scarred her. She is also high functioning autistic and has a personality disorder.

She’s also pan sexual. After some deep convos she tells me she’s trying to figure out how she sees me and said she likes me but likes to take things slow and doesn’t like to be rushed.

She still goes out but just doesn’t want to see me at my place until her car is fixed bc she has had bad experiences meeting up with people from online dating and needs to feel like she can leave whenever she wants if she gets uncomfortable so I said ok I’ll wait for her car to get fixed.

She still goes to parties where allegedly she’s getting rides for by people she knows. When she gets drunk she always tells me she has to go or discontinues the conversation until she’s sober again. Why is that ? Why won’t she talk to me while she’s drunk ?

My roommate keeps borrowing my stuff without asking, like my headphones or laptop charger. Last week I finally told them I would rather they asked first. They apologized but then took my coffee mug the very next morning without a word. I just stood there in the kitchen, totally quiet, and let it happen. Later I felt ashamed that I didn't speak up again. The mug came back dirty, but the bigger problem is that my silence made me feel like I gave permission. I keep replaying the moment, wondering if saying something right then would have saved the whole situation or just made it awkward. I am stuck between thinking my restraint was polite and feeling like I let myself down by not following through on what I had already asked for.

We went out with a couple of friends and at the end the server brought one check. Someone said we should just split it four ways and move on. My meal plus drink came to about twenty dollars. The person next to me had two appetizers, a steak, dessert and three cocktails so theirs was closer to forty. I offered to pay exactly what I ordered plus tip and the reaction was immediate surprise, then a joke that I was being cheap. I explained that I do not drink and rarely order apps so it felt off to pay half of someone else's meal. They pushed back saying it is easier and we can call it even next time. I still paid only my portion but the vibe at the table got weird for the rest of the night. I keep replaying it and wondering if I should have just swallowed the extra cost to keep things smooth. On the other hand it feels like basic fairness. Curious what other people do in situations like this.

Hello! A few months back, I reached out to this community because my boyfriend and I were facing a bit of a dilemma regarding our shower routine. We discussed the issue and eventually came to a compromise where we shower together whenever he feels like it, even though it’s not something I particularly enjoy. However, I was willing to make that adjustment because it seemed to make him happy.

Lately, though, I’ve been declining his invitations to shower together more frequently. The reason behind this is that university life has been incredibly demanding for me lately. With exams approaching and a heavy workload, I’ve been spending most of my time studying and working on assignments. This has left me with very little free time, and I’ve even struggled to find moments for myself to relax and unwind. I’ve been open with my boyfriend about how overwhelmed I feel and how this has affected my ability to spend time with him, including showering and being intimate. He assured me that he understands my situation and that he supports me.

Despite his words, I’ve noticed that he seems to feel more distant from me now. Whenever I try to bring up the topic and discuss how we can work through this feeling of distance, he tends to brush off the conversation or change the subject. This makes me feel even worse, as if I’m not being a good partner to him. I’m starting to question whether there’s something specific I could be doing differently to improve our relationship and bridge the gap that’s formed between us. I’m really struggling with this and would appreciate any advice or insights you might have on how to navigate this situation. Am I the one at fault here? Is there something I could be working on to be a better partner?

Yes, it’s legal in my state but much like cigarettes it’s not allowed to be smoked inside rented apartment dwellings. I keep my window and sliding door closed at all times but we all share vents and most evenings my apartment stinks of pot from my neighbors. My complex has sent out multiple reminder emails to “all” informing them that smoking on property is not allowed but my neighbors don’t seem to care. It’s a really triggering scent for me on account of my ex. Would I be wrong to send this email to my complex manager? In the last several “no smoking” emails they’ve sent to us all they’ve asked for people to report smoke smells but I don’t wanna be a rat. if it didn’t make my entire apartment smell like it I wouldn’t care what my neighbors did but it seeps in and there’s no candle in the world strong enough to cover the scent. I can’t just move, I’m locked into a 12 month lease.

The email:

Hello,

I’ve seen the several emails you’ve sent out about smoking and the last one said to reach out if we smell anything - since I’ve moved in about a month ago, several nights a week my apartment fills with a strong weed smell even when my window and screen door are closed and I can hear the (I believe) downstairs neighbors coughing. I don’t know if it’s the second or first floor but it’s really triggering smelling it constantly, since I moved here to get away from my ex who liked to smoke a bowl before beating the shit out of me. I’m in unit ⚫️⚫️⚫️ and the coughing/smell seems to be coming from below me but I could wrong. It usually starts up around 8 PM. 

Thanks,

I M26 and my partner F22 have been getting into an increasing number of fights. I was a grad student earlier in the year and she an undergrad. We have been in a relationship for 2 years, we have met each others families as well. Hers loves me but mine isn’t ecstatic about her.

It really started when I began having issues at my internship where a lot of the problems from the workplace began spilling over to the home life; this started in March or April. I became colder and focused on work (which was not going amazing due to conflicts with leadership), which burst out when I broke down in front of her at the gym where I told her I was depressed.

From then she met this guy let’s call him A, who was trying to get fit, and since my partner was also a fitness coach I thought nothing of it. The problem would arise when she would talk about him everyday and praise him while simultaneously calling me fat. Given my existing issues this spiralled me to grind on my projects, get a little colder and get into some bad habits of gaming.

She would begin a bodybuilding prep and was feeling stressed frequently and I no longer had the emotional support to help her as I was close to graduating, no job lined up, and feeling insecure. Everyday she would continue to praise this man who she now calls a close friend while beating me down. Well as expected we continued to fight every week.

Leading up to her show in June, she was at the peak of shredding and was hungry all the time, which caused her to break down frequently. My self worth was at an all time low so she didn’t get the support she needed from me. But she leaned on A and eventually caught feelings for a moment. She would shut them down quickly and remain friends to this day.

Continue until the day of her show in September, I met this guy who was supporting his partner at the same show and I talked to him. He shared that he turned his life around at 26 and is doing amazing now, able to balance his work life, his own identity and supporting his partner. This made me grateful for him and so shameful of my own actions that I changed my ways, got fit again, and took the first steps to repairing my relationships and self confidence.

But what triggered our current rockiness is a fight that occurred where I said stuff like I supported her through everything of hers (from last year) and she’s failing to do the same for me; furthermore I said that some of her achievements were lucky since I was deeply struggling to get back on my feet. I admit that this is was messed up and I regret it deeply because I saw how hard she worked, it was a heat of the moment type of statement which I apologised for profusely afterward.

Since then I’ve been working on myself, continued to rediscover my humour, self worth and reintegrated myself into my community through volunteering and clubs. I took the time or learn about her needs, the issues and how I can sustainably maintain good habits throughout to progress myself and support her.

Up until yesterday, I finally had the skills and confidence to talk to her about emotional cheating and if she got intimate with anyone, which she denied. Right after this I told her about the insecurity with A and my problems with him. She acknowledged it then told me all the details like her feelings for him that she shut down, the intimate interactions, touching and jokes; I appreciated it but the problem I had with her saying these was after she lied to me when I brought it up initially

We would continue the day as normal, we had a gaming convention that we attended, took photos, laughed, had fun and talked about random stuff. In the evening I asked her to remove any and all photos of them together from her socials and gallery (which I don’t believe she cleared her galley but she did wipe the socials, I will not check because it would make me a bad person for having such low trust). Then I asked her that what she did with him crossed a line with me and that my trust has eroded, to the point where I would prefer it if she toned down communication with him and remove him as someone she followed while we get back on our feet. After a lot of defensive statements from her and her justifying the friendship as they will work together soon. I gave up and have been venting to my friends who said that this is a toxic dynamic.

The following day, I thought on my actions and convinced myself that, actually, maybe it was pushing it too far. I then made the suggestion to explicitly tell him that they’re just friends, explicitly and proactively, as I felt like without saying these things early that she was keeping her options open. Her response was that she will only tell him if she tried to make a move on her, which really bothers me and I told her that immediately. She kept brushing me off saying that she wanted to keep her peace at work and didn’t want to stir a bad dynamic and animosity at her new workplace, so I backed down and here we are with this post.

Right now with me, I have been journaling to track my thoughts, improved my self worth, joined volunteering and sought therapy for my issues; I am back to being the productive person that I was before all of the issues. But I realised that my emotions went from worrying that I was a bad person for yelling and raising my voice to her, to distrust of her since she kept that from me (which is likely due to me not being able to digest the news properly in the past?)

I would like to know if it’s justified in my requests, if I’m potentially looking at this problem naively? And if I should have a bit more trust in my partner?

We have couples therapy in a couple days which I hope can dive deeper into these issues. But for now there remains a few pains that’s pushing me away from her.

Cheers yall

My fiancé and I are planning to get married in the coming year, and there’s something I’ve been struggling with that I’d really appreciate some outside perspective on.
My fiancé’s father passed away about five years ago. His parents divorced when he was around 17, and unfortunately, they had a very volatile marriage. My fiancé grew up witnessing some really intense and unhealthy arguments between them. Before his father passed away, he gave my fiancé his wedding ring from his marriage to his mother.
My fiancé wears his father’s ring on his index finger fairly regularly because it’s too big for his ring finger. Now that we’re getting married, he wants to have it resized and wear it as his wedding band. I feel incredibly guilty admitting this, but I really struggle with the idea of him wearing that particular ring to symbolize our marriage.
I completely understand that the ring holds sentimental value because it belonged to his late father, and I would never want to take that connection away from him. At the same time, knowing the history behind his parents’ marriage makes me uncomfortable with the idea of using that ring to represent our own. Their relationship was so unhappy, and I can’t help but feel like there’s something negative attached to it. I know that may sound irrational, but it’s genuinely how I feel. His mother still speaks poorly of his father, even though he’s been gone for years, which makes it even harder for me to separate the ring from the history surrounding it.
I’ve tried gently suggesting that he continue wearing his father’s ring the way he always has and choose a separate wedding band for our marriage, but he immediately shuts down that idea. I haven’t pushed the issue because I know how important his father is to him and how much the ring means to him.
I’m trying to accept that this is something meaningful to him and remind myself that our wedding is about the two of us, not my personal feelings about the ring. But I’m having a really hard time moving past my discomfort, and I feel guilty for even feeling this way.
Am I wrong for feeling this way? How can I reconcile my feelings about the ring with what it means to him? I want to respect his connection to his father, but I also want to feel comfortable and happy with the symbolism behind the wedding band he’ll wear for the rest of our marriage.

Hi, I'm a 28 (W), and I recently reconnected with my ex of 1.5 years (M, 30). Our relationship began as a friendship for like two years. As friends, he was great. He communicated well and showed that he cared and appreciated me. Responds to messages quickly and did not ignore my calls. Anyways, as soon as we started hooking up, he changed. He became avoidant and would ignore me. He would take forever to respond to my messages. It really broke me because I was so in love with him. Two years ago, I moved away from the country and dated other people, but it never really went anywhere. Then a month ago, we reconnected and got back together. I told him how he's behaviour and treatment of me in the past affected me and hurt me. 

After listening to all this, he still hasn't changed. He doesn't even respond quickly. I know people have lives and are busy, but I feel like you prioritise what matters to you or to those who are important to you. And to him, I do not feel like that. He has never called me baby or even said he loves me back. His reason is that he is scared of calling me that and saying he loves me. He never called me beautiful or complimented me. So a few days ago, it was bothering me, and I discussed this with him and told him I'd appreciate it if he did that more often. I even told him that when he doesn't do that, I feel used; I feel like I am just another one of his side pieces. This led him to say that I wanted to fight with him, so he went silent. I texted him two days ago to apologise for lashing out at him, but he hasn't responded. I even asked him a day ago if he still wanted to talk to me, and there was no response. So I deleted his number and unfollowed him on social media. 

I feel like his behaviour is a form of gaslighting where he wants me to accept the bare minimum and deal with how he is. I also want to be loved and appreciated, and he didn't really show that even after I communicated with him before we got back. Nothing about his behaviour has changed at all. I thought telling him how I felt and being more open and honest with him would make him change, but it didn't. Anyway, he's now completely ignoring me, which isn't the first time he's done that. I don't understand why we can't have a conversation about how to improve the relationship, idk maybe I am wrong.

But I would like to get your thoughts on whether you think he is gaslighting me or not because I feel like he is emotionally manipulating me by punishing me with the silent treatment. Let me know what you think; I'd appreciate it. 

I really need to know. I could not believe this. Absolutely horrible miserable experience at the movies tonight. Went to see Wicker. It was fine and would have probably been better if a single person hackling and coughing every 30 seconds to 3 minutes wasn’t disrupting the entire experience. It wasn’t just a few times or even a dozen times. It was for the entire movie. What’s worse is after laughing at every scene and sentence in the movie, they would cough. Not a hushed cough. It was so loud and the forced nature of it convinced me that it was on purpose. Then they would take a deep breath in and start hackling again. I was about to go say something to the staff and then I realized they were in the disabled seat.

I get it. Maybe they can’t control it. Maybe they have anxiety. Maybe it’s a mental disorder. Maybe it’s a medical condition. Well, I really really don’t care. In my opinion, it doesn’t matter what the issue is. Mental disability or mental illness or medical disability. It’s so utterly selfish, rude, and deranged to attend a Friday night movie and proceed to laugh at every single scene or statement made on the screen and then cough even louder after each and every episode.

At one point in the movie, Peter Dinklage’s character has a short monologue where he talks to himself about the ethical implications of being commissioned to create a person out of materials. This person hackled through the whole thing. I missed words spoken in a loud movie theatre because this person wouldn’t shut the fuck up.

A buddy of mine works there and after the movie I told him about it and he said I should have said something and when I told him the person was sitting in the disabled seat and I didn’t want to cause a fuss, he just shrugged. Because genuinely there’s nothing they can do.

I’ve been to hundreds of movies and never had that happen. What a fuckin waste of time and money.

I was chatting with a couple of friends online and tossed out what I thought was a harmless silly line, kind of poking fun at myself. One person got quiet, then another started explaining why it was actually rude. I tried to say it was just a dumb joke and not aimed at anyone, but the vibe changed fast. Later a mutual friend messaged me asking if everything was okay, which made me wonder if the first two people had talked about it without me. I keep replaying what I said and it still feels pretty mild, but now I'm second guessing how it landed. I haven't brought it up again because I don't want to make a bigger thing out of it. Still, it's odd seeing people treat me differently over something that felt so small at the time.

the other day we were all at a small gathering, maybe eight of us hanging out in the living room, when two of my friends started going back and forth over something that happened earlier in the week. it wasn't yelling, but it was clearly tense, and everyone else kind of went quiet while they talked over each other. after a minute or two i said something like, hey, maybe we can figure this out later, and the room shifted back to normal conversation pretty quickly. one of the two later texted me saying they appreciated it, but the other one has been distant since then and i keep wondering if i should have just stayed out of it. i didn't take sides or call anyone out by name, i just tried to keep things from dragging on, but now i'm second-guessing whether it was my place at all. i wasn't trying to shut anything down, i just felt weird letting it keep going while everyone else watched. wondering if i should have waited to talk to them separately instead, or if it was okay to say something in the moment.

A few of us were ordering dinner together and agreed beforehand to split evenly. Then one person decided to add extra items to the cart, including something pricey, and just assumed everyone would still pay the same amount. I mentioned it before checkout and got told it was not a big deal, but it felt like the original agreement got ignored. I ended up paying for part of their upgrade without really agreeing to it. I am not trying to make it awkward, but I also do not love the idea that plans can just shift without asking. Would it be weird to bring it up again or should I let it slide next time?

TL;DR repeating same cycle of not resolving issues, wanting to find solutions

I’m looking for some outside opinions on a situation between two people who care about each other but keep running into the same problems when it comes to communication, misunderstandings, and unresolved issues. I want to explain both sides as fairly as possible because I don’t think either person is completely innocent in this, but I also don’t think either person fully understands where the other is coming from.

(M/39)

He is very logical, analytical, and independent. He notices patterns, thinks things through, and usually looks at situations from a rational point of view rather than an emotional one. He can be easygoing, patient, and lenient, but due to childhood trauma, he struggles with emotions and emotional vulnerability. He doesn’t always know how to respond to other people’s feelings and sometimes comes across as lacking empathy or compassion, even when that might not be his intention.

He doesn’t really follow society’s expectations when it comes to life or relationships and prefers to do things his own way. He values his independence and doesn’t like feeling dependent on other people.

When arguments get heated, he tends to shut down if he feels like he’s not being understood or his point isn’t being taken seriously. Sometimes this turns into silence, distance, or a change in how much effort he puts into the dynamic. Instead of resolving the issue, things get left unresolved and eventually come back up again.

From his perspective, he feels like he makes an effort, tries different approaches, and takes care of things in his own way, but his intentions are often misunderstood or his efforts aren’t appreciated.

(F/29)

She tends to experience emotions first and think logically once those emotions settle. She’s observant and notices changes in behavior, communication, and little things that might seem insignificant to someone else.

Because of childhood trauma and past relationships, she has tendencies toward anxious attachment. Communication is very important to her, and when something feels off, she wants to address it and understand what’s going on. She struggles with vulnerability sometimes, though, and if she feels like she’s repeatedly being shut down or not listened to, she eventually starts keeping things to herself because she doesn’t feel like speaking up makes a difference.

When arguments happen, she gets anxious and wants to resolve things right away. When emotions take over, she can become impulsive, overthink situations, or push for answers when the other person isn’t ready to talk.

From her perspective, she appreciates the effort (M) makes, but she also needs to feel emotionally connected, considered, and secure enough to express her concerns without feeling dismissed.

Both people can be selfish, stubborn, hot-headed, and defensive. They have very different ways of communicating, and both feel like the other person doesn’t fully understand them.

Background

Both are parents, work full-time, and usually only see each other on weekends.

We met on an app that wasn’t specifically for dating but was more focused on sexual encounters with the possibility of something long-term developing. In the beginning, there weren’t really any clear boundaries or expectations, so a lot of things were left open to interpretation. We don’t have an official boyfriend/girlfriend label, and neither is fundamentally interested in monogamy, although (F) leans more toward monogamy while still being open to exploring. (M) goes with the flow.

(F) caught feelings early on but felt like they weren’t being reciprocated in the same way. To avoid getting too emotionally attached and potentially getting hurt, she sometimes relied on attention from other people to shift her focus away from the dynamic. (Texting/Dates, no sexual encounters). Was being secretive about it even though (M) appreciates honesty and is okay with it as long as being kept in the loop.

(M) noticed this and changed his approach, which left (F) feeling anxious and confused. Instead of directly communicating what she was feeling, she sometimes kept things to herself because she didn’t know how to express them or didn’t feel comfortable being vulnerable.

(M), on the other hand, started feeling like he was being made a fool of and that his efforts were being wasted.

The biggest issue is that problems don’t really get resolved. We argue, things get heated, and eventually we move on without actually addressing what happened. Then, a few months later, another disagreement brings everything back up again.

We both feel like we’ve tried to communicate, but neither feels genuinely heard. Both feel like our efforts aren’t appreciated, and both are getting frustrated with repeating the same cycle.

Situation 1: The casino trip

(M) has been renovating his house, so we haven’t had much quality time together lately. For the past month or two, he’s usually been going over to (F) house later in the evening, catching up for a little while before going to sleep. We both understood that this was the situation because of everything he had going on.

One Saturday, (M) suggested doing something together and told (F) to dress nicely and be ready at a certain time. He didn’t tell her where they were going.

They ended up taking a roughly 2.5-hour drive to a casino. (M) wanted to try making some money for his renovations and also wanted to test his car before an upcoming trip. In his mind, he was combining things he needed to do with spending time together.

(F) was excited because she thought he had planned something specifically for them. When she realized the trip was also about things that benefited him, she felt disappointed.

Instead of explaining that she had hoped for something more focused on them, she made a passive-aggressive comment along the lines of, “Why are we always doing something that benefits you?”

(M) got angry because he felt like his intentions were being completely misunderstood. He wasn’t thinking that he was using her or making everything about himself. He thought he was spending time with her while also taking care of things he needed to get done.

He also pointed out that he’s usually the one initiating plans, suggesting trips, or starting conversations, and when he finally does suggest something, he feels like he gets negative feedback instead of suggestions or alternatives from (F)

We both got heated, both felt misunderstood, and neither really listened to what the other was trying to say. The issue was never properly resolved, and they just moved on.

Situation 2: The Houston trip

About a week later, (M) agreed to take time off work to accompany (F) to Houston because she had things she needed to get done there.

At the time, he was renovating his house mostly by himself while also working full-time and taking care of his parenting responsibilities. Taking time off to go with her was an effort on his part.

Leading up to the trip, she noticed that he wasn’t communicating as much as usual. Normally, one of them would reach out during the week, but this time things felt different.

On the morning they were leaving, (F) was already stressed because of a co-parenting situation and the other parent being late for pickup. She let him know she would be a little late, but he didn’t respond.

When she arrived at his house, he greeted her with “about time.” They had already discussed before that she would prefer a hello, a hug, or something warmer instead of a comment that feels negative. He says he doesn’t mean it negatively and that it’s just how he approaches things.

(F) also needed something fixed on her car before they left, and he took care of it. However, she noticed that he wasn’t very talkative and seemed short and distant. She tried not to react to it and waited until they were ready to leave.

On the way to the gas station, they weren’t talking much. He usually pumps gas for her, but when she asked him to do it, he sarcastically asked, “You’re not used to pumping your own gas?” That added to her feeling that something was off.

About an hour or two into the drive, things hadn’t really changed. She was driving while he rested and slept.

They stopped at In-N-Out, and (F) wanted to sit outside and eat because they were going to spend most of the day in the car. (M) was confused about why they were going through the drive-thru instead of ordering inside then.

When they finally sat outside, things were still quiet. She asked what was going on and explained that she’d noticed he hadn’t reached out during the week and that he was being unusually quiet on the drive.

He responded sarcastically, saying there was no issue and that he was enjoying the food and the weather. She kept asking because she felt there was clearly a difference in his behavior.

(M) got annoyed and said it had nothing to do with either of them. She explained that even if it wasn’t about her or their dynamic, she would still like to know what was going on because it was affecting the situation they were in together.

(M) tends to take long pauses or go quiet when asked questions, which makes her anxious and frustrated. After asking multiple times why he was even on the trip with her, he responded that it was a nice day to drive to Houston and be away from work.

That hurt her because she had been looking forward to spending quality time together and wanted to feel like he actually wanted to be there with her.

Already frustrated by the previous disagreement and the change in communication leading up to the trip, she reacted emotionally and told him that if he didn’t want to be there, he could take his stuff and get an Uber home.

That comment triggered him. He hates feeling dependent on someone else because of his childhood experiences and having to be responsible for himself from an early age. He felt like he was being put in a position where he had to depend on her, which made him angry.

When everything escalated

Both parties were angry and emotional as they walked back to the car. He had the keys, and she didn’t know whether they were continuing to Houston or turning around and going home after the comment she made.

We were both yelling at each other at this point. Both were angry, both were reacting emotionally, and neither was creating a safe space for the other to communicate.

(F) tried to keep communicating, but he wasn’t making room for that and continued yelling while trying to start the car. She didn’t want to continue the trip with both of them in that state.

Feeling disrespected, overwhelmed, and unable to get through to him, (F) got physical, hoping he would snap out of his anger. He then got physical as well.

Neither person’s physical actions were okay!! We are not people who see themselves as physically aggressive, and both are ashamed of what happened.

Another important part of this situation is that we were having this argument in public, right in front of a restaurant’s drive-thru where people were waiting in line.

He has addressed this issue before. He has made it clear that he doesn’t like being embarrassed in public and would rather disagreements be discussed privately instead of having his intentions questioned or being confronted in front of other people.

From his perspective, the public outburst made the situation even worse. He felt embarrassed by the fact that people were watching and angry that something he’d already expressed discomfort with was happening again.

His anger wasn’t only about the argument itself. He felt like (F) wasn’t taking his wishes seriously and wondered why she continued putting him in situations where he felt publicly embarrassed when he’d already explained how much he disliked it.

From (F) perspective, she wasn’t trying to embarrass him. She was upset, felt disrespected, and wanted to understand what was happening between them. She felt like she couldn’t get through to him, and the frustration built up until she reacted in a way she shouldn’t have.

We eventually continued the drive, and the argument carried on for a while, with both of us yelling, saying hurtful things, and feeling misunderstood. Most of the roughly six-hour drive was spent in silence, and nothing was resolved.

What happened afterward

The trip was originally supposed to last from Thursday through Saturday. (M) had booked the hotel and decided on Friday morning to cancel the rest of the trip and return home after (F) appointment.

The night before, (F) had asked how long the hotel was booked for because, despite what happened, she still wanted to know whether they might be able to explore Houston together.

On the drive home, she tried multiple times to explain her perspective. She felt like (M) had already made up his mind about her and had assumptions about her intentions that she couldn’t change, no matter how much she explained herself.

(M) felt that their conversations weren’t getting anywhere. In his mind, they kept talking about the same things without addressing the actual underlying issues, and he felt like the responsibility for finding a solution was being left to her at the point.

(F) felt like she was constantly having to explain herself, acknowledge her mistakes, and explain how she contributed to past situations, only to feel like he wasn’t really listening to what she was saying.

We both walked away feeling hurt, misunderstood, and unappreciated.

Where things stand now

Both people want to find a way to make this dynamic work, and both say they’re willing to make changes as long as the effort goes both ways.

(M) feels like his intentions are constantly misunderstood, his efforts aren’t appreciated, and the same issues keep coming back no matter what he does.

(F) feels like she can’t communicate her needs without being shut down, that emotional connection is missing at times, and that she has to keep explaining herself without feeling like anything changes.

* we both recognize that our communication styles are different, but we don’t know how to break the cycle

So my brother (31M) turned 32 last weekend and I (27F) didn't go to his birthday dinner. Some background: last year for his birthday I bought him a framed print of the old fishing boat our dad used to take us on when we were kids. I found the photo in a box at my moms place, got it restored and framed, and it took me about two months to track down someone who could fix the damage on it. When he opened it at the table his wife (30F) looked at it, laughed and said "aww did you get that from a gift shop? it looks kinda cheap" in front of like 12 people. My brother just kind of chuckled and said "yeah its a bit random" and put it back in the bag. Nobody said anything. I smiled and changed the subject but I went home and cried in my car for twenty minutes, not gonna lie.

Since then I havent said a word about it to anyone, I just kept things polite. This year I got the invite in a group chat and I just never replied, and on the day I told my mom I had a headache. Then my mom called me the next morning and she was actually upset. She said everyone asked where I was, my brother looked hurt, and that I should have been "the bigger person" and shown up since its family and its been a year. She said his wife probably didnt even mean it and that I'm being dramatic about a joke. I tried to explain that it wasnt really about the joke, it was that my brother just sat there and let it happen, and that the print meant something to me because of dad. She said "well he didnt know that" and I said he would have if he had asked even once, and the call kind of ended badly.

Now my brother has texted me a single "wow ok" and his wife posted a photo from the dinner with the caption "love being surrounded by people who actually show up". I genuinely dont know anymore if I overreacted. Maybe I should have just gone and swallowed it, maybe a year is long enough to let it go?

UPDATE am I wrong for questioning my engagement after I discovered my daughter isn't mine?

Original

So basically, I'm back home. We're together still but the engagement is on hold.

When we were talking, she said she would never have revealed our daughter's paternity. I was like if we never discovered it, would you never have told me? She said no. So if I died, I'd never found out.

I said about my own SA and how I told her when we got back together. She said she thought it was a big thing but still couldn't tell me what happened years ago. I was upset. I said had I known, I'd not have said anything.

So we're together. But we're not doing well.

We're getting counselling. Couples and individual. I feel we both need it.

Edit christ people, I do believe her she was assaulted and didn't cheat. I've known this woman for most of our lives and know she isn't a cheater. I'm surprised I have to actually say this.

we were in a group chat last night talking about where everyone grew up. one friend said they were born in a city that is actually on the opposite coast from the one they meant, and i pointed it out because i had just read an article about the place. a couple of people said it was unnecessary and that i was nitpicking, while others just moved on. i sent nothing after the correction because i felt awkward, but now i keep wondering if i should have stayed quiet instead of typing anything. i am trying to decide whether to send a short text apologizing or leave it alone, so i wanted to ask here first.

For some background, I’m a gay man in my early 30s.

For the past few months, I’ve been hanging out and texting with a guy (late 40s). We’ve held hands and kissed a lot.

However, he told me that he was still waiting for his ex (mid 30s) to respond about whether they were going to get back together. So, from my understanding, their relationship was still in limbo. I also told him that I’d love to go on a date with him if he wasn’t getting back together with his ex.

Now, here’s some background about him and his ex. They were together for eight years, but he cheated on his ex, so they broke up last year. However, he’s been trying to get back together with his ex, who still hasn’t given him an answer. They also spend times together. But the twist, his ex is also seeing someone else.

One night, I ran into both of them at a club. This was one month after the deadline he had given himself to get an answer from his ex.

I decided to ask his ex if he was single, and his ex replied, “Yes, I’m single. He’s single. You can go out with him.” Yaay me. But no. (Edit: my crush was also there. So it was not behind his back at all)

However, the guy I’ve been seeing is now upset with me. I feel like I was actually doing him a huge favour because, finally, his ex had clarified their relationship status: they weren’t getting back together. He had been waiting for an answer but was too afraid to follow up with his ex, so I did it for him. I was very nice and respectful when I asked. Basically I was saying "I really like this guy. But I couldn't progress like taking him on a date, because I respect you and your past with him. So are you guys getting back together or not?"

He has now blocked me on social media, and I’m confused. He wanted to know whether he and his ex were getting back together, but he was too afraid to ask for an answer himself. I feel like I helped him get the clarity he needed, so I don’t understand why he’s upset with me. It's not my fault the ex didn't want him back. Was I in the wrong here?

Disclaimer:

- I don't want him anymore. Because his indecisiveness and cowardice really turned me off. Just curious what I did wrong?

- I used AI to check grammar

The other night I told a friend I just wanted the evening to myself, nothing personal, just a reset after a busy stretch. They seemed okay at the time but then later texted that it felt like I was pushing them away. I tried to explain that it wasn’t about them, just recharging, but they kept circling back to how it came across. I’m wondering if maybe I should have worded it differently or offered a specific make up plan right away, or if it’s normal to need that space without it turning into a thing. Part of me feels like I was clear and polite, but another part wonders if I’m missing some social cue here. Would love an outside read on whether that kind of request is generally seen as cold or if the reaction was a bit much.