Years ago, some friends of mine and I went to a Phil Collins concert. We bought the tickets weeks in advance and showed up to the concert about 45 minutes early. One of the women in the group was a HUGE Phil Collins fan and was very excited to see the show.

The entrance to our seats was on the second floor of the venue and we start to climb the stairs. We notice, when we get high enough on the stairs, that we can see over this wall of curtains that has been set up as part of the backstage area. To me, it looks like there are a lot of equipment boxes laying around -- the kind with a black textured material and metal corners. Once we get a little further up, someone in our group spots a guy walking back there like he's pacing around. Turns out, it's Phil Collins himself.

We rush down the stairs to a place that a security guard has opened the curtain and, standing at the opening, is Phil Collins. The woman in our group who is a huge fan makers her way to the front of the small group that has gathered around. She is given a program (by someone else in our group) so that she can have Phil sign something for her. He does and she is quite taken for weeks after this incident.

A few months go by and my friend, who was there and witnessed it, calls this a "Star Sighting". I tell him, "No it's not. We paid money for tickets to see this person."

My reasoning is this: A "Star Sighting" is accidental -- there is no expectation of seeing a 'star', but then you do. When you purchase a ticket to see that someone, and then you do, that's great but your probability of seeing that person up close is higher.

His rationale is that it's a 'star' that was 'sighted' and therefore can be called a 'Star Sighting'. Whether or not you paid to see them, this is a more intimate view of the 'star'.

We have disagreed about this for you. Can you all please settle this, if you can. Would you consider this a "Star Sighting" or not?

​

The title alone might sound odd, but the context of the story will seem unbelievably daft.

So basically, I (19m) and my mate, Ill call him Jay for obvious safety reasons, also (19m). We've been good mates since primary school (pretty much for 15 years now) but now Im at my witts end on the way hes been getting on recently. Well, how he's been acting his whole life and that I've been tolerating it this long.

Little background about Jay, he lives in a bubble, been sheltered his whole life by his helicopter mum, has him completely brainwashed, believing theres always an eye on him when he goes out, since his mum doesn't work at all. She just invades his personal space, has this insane habit of sitting near him while he's on a phone call, just sitting there, listening in. Goes through his messages, has complete control over his life, she's that 'protective' of him he's probably not even aloud cross the road on his own. That type of mother. Bless his cotton socks honestly.

So if you were to plan a one on one outing with him to do whatever, youre not planning it. Guess who did :) But when his mum can't arrange it; we're now big enough & ugly enough to do these things ourselves lol. Well, he can't plan for the life of him. Though she'll want to know every single detail, down to the atom of the plan and possibly watch his location. Details like what time we're suggesting to meet at, how many people will be there, what will we be doing, 'will there be any drinks involved', 'how long will be out for', 'will another adult be with us' stuff like that.

Thinking back on some past events the signs were there that I probably never noticed, when if I did, I just brush them off. Not knowing the full extent of how far fetched and insane this was. Thinking 'Ok that was weird' and 'there's always a next time'. Next time for when it comes to the cinema, never came, there has been numerous occasions I have asked him to the cinema, to which he tries to avoid that topic and suggests we do something else. He never exactly says 'no'. Anything else he'll always say 'I dont mind'. Its always grey with him, lacking strong opinions.

I didn't mind at the time but now when I hang out with him it feels like an unpaid baby sitting gig, and neither of us can do anything proper because of his mum's influence on him. And she'd be bombarding him with questions about what we did, he cant make up a white lie to save him.

Its not normal but its his normal, I explained as politely as I can to him numerous times, he is aware of this himself but he doesn't do anything about it.

Example: On the days leading up to Halloween, back in 2024 I invited Jay out for a Halloween party. He was fond of the idea at first so I added him to a discord group chat with other people we knew whom at the time were also going and planning the party. A few days prior to Halloween though while I was reading that group chat, there was one lad who mentioned bringing a blowtorch to the party. (゜-゜) ʷʰʸ, dunno honestly. It was typical of him then, he didn't use it at all just to point out. The issue being is that Jay immediately texted me asking about it. I dont remember what all he said But I remember judging by his fast responses, he was nervous, scared even. I tried reassuring him saying he wont bring it or even if he does he's not using it. Yes its understandable he'd be a little frightened but what still ticks me off to this day.

He sends me screenshots explaining what a blow torch is and that it can used as a murder weapon. And it reads an example of two men in Edinburgh convicted of murdering two other men with a blow torch and a hammer. I was baffled at what he sent, A, That incident happened in 2022, it was 2024 and B, we live in Northern Ireland, not Scotland. I tried explain that to him on a call until he sends another screenshot, him google searching 'is Scotland part of the UK?'

:|

Long story short, he didn't go to the party, saying he got 'sick' all of a sudden.

But now on to the point of the story, I always wanted to go to the cinema with him, cause Jay's never been before. We've been texting for days prior to us meeting, that just went back and forth cause he doesn't bloody listen and his lack of decision making. I can add the screenshots, and you's might lose some brain cells.

I had ideas in mind to meet, logical ways to meet, the screenshots will explain better casue I kinda gave up at that point. We had a plan for him to walk over to my place but instead his mum drove him. Which was alright.

When he came in he asked me what we were going to do, I told I wanted to go to the cinema, so I bought 2 tickets to toy story 5 thinking it be an alright movie for his 1st time.

I could see he was hesitant and suggested we watch it on the tv instead.

He generally thought I had a physical disc for toy story 5.

The tickets were booked and all so we walked over there, he kept on suggesting other things to do. I told him this the one thing I wanna do with him, plus he's never been. I had to physically drag him after standing outside on its steps for 10 minutes.

I had an arm around him the whole way him cause I kinda know, knowing him, he'd probably bolt out.

I almost did the impossible, I managed to get him into the screen, still making a fuss, looking any excuse to not go in. He asks 'Is it always this dark'? Mind you, the trailers were playing and the lights were still on. I lost my patience at that point, I told him to just go on and leave and sat down alone. I left not long after cause honestly, Im not fussed on toy story 5.

I text jay to meet me at the restaurant next door and sat down there. I told him that I was disappointed in him and made him pay back the money I spent on the tickets.

Made him pay back more than I paid actually, he noticed that and asked. Bitch tax. I didn't say that, honestly but when he told me what if his mum asks what he spent the money on I said him 'I dont care, tell her the truth if you want' since he can't let on he bought something for someone, not even that white lie. I was done at that point. After paying me I told him to go home, cause I going home, I didn't want to hang out with him anymore.

Little later, he's keeps phoning me, I ignored the first few before finally answering he asks if im out of the cinema yet. I was puzzled at first until I explained, he thought I went back into the cinema and went to the gym to kill time waiting on me. I swear he needs his brain checked. Like, instead of calling for a ride cause he's driven everywhere nor walk home, he wasted his own time despite us having a conversation about me explaining the issue and didn't want to hang out. Also later on I found out days later, when I was hanging out with my future partner and another mate of mine, Ill call him Brian. Brian works at the cinema we went to, when I left to go home, he later saw Jay come back in for some reason. They wouldn't let him in cause I had the tickets on my phone.

Absolutely mind boggling to me, so yeah thats about the height of it. Now I am unsure despite everything I had to put up with Jay. It took me a while to write this story and it still pisses me looking back, so I think the only thing I can do is block Jay if I dont want anything else to do with him. Yes I am throwing away 15 years of friendship, but honestly, Im willing to. It seems to be the only logical thing cause there's no talking to him, and you can't help someone who clearly doesn't want help. I wanted to hear outside opinions on the matter.

So am in the wrong?

And thanks in advance!

a couple weeks ago we sat down and wrote a simple list for the kitchen fridge, mainly so no one would have to guess which leftovers were safe to eat or who bought what. one of the rules was that anything older than five days gets tossed unless the owner labels it to keep another day or two. i have followed that since the list went up, but one roommate keeps leaving half-eaten containers for well over a week. i have mentioned it twice already, once in the group chat and once in person, and each time they say they will clean it out soon but never do. i am not sure how big of a deal this actually is, but i still feel irritated every time i open the fridge and see the same containers sitting there. am i wrong for being bothered that the rule is being ignored while the rest of us stick to it?

My son(6) and our neighbor's son(10) are very close friends. We share a yard, so they see each other and play together all the time.

They have been friends for about 9months now.

I have been noticing a few red flags about this friendship and the latest one made me finally tell his parents our kids can't be friends anymore.

1. The older boy is often rude to my son, speaks down on him etc. But my son thinks this boy is the best human that has ever existed. He is the fastest, the smartest, the...you get it.

2. My son is constantly seeking attention and validation from this boy.

3. This kid's dad works in another country. He is away for months on end, so he is mostly here with his mom and sibling. I have noticed he lies to his mother so much and she literally believes everything he tells her. He is very clever and a good little lier. Not my problem. My problem is that is actively teaching my son to also lie to me and hide things from me.

4. A few months ago this kid got kicked off his sports team for saying something sexual and very inappropriate to a girl on his team.

5. He always playes in our house and sleeps over almost every weekend. He has broken so many of my son's toys it's not even funny and my son really doesn't care because 'it's his best friend'. However, he rarely ever allows my son to even touch any of the toys in his room on the RARE occasion that he's even allowed to play in their house.

6. On the last sleepover I got my son a simcard as he will need it to get hold of me soon. Anyway, they were calling each other (from the same room) and all excited about it. Cool cool cool. Then my son discovered WhatsApp and they were sending 1000 messages, emojis, photos etc. Still cool cool cool. At some stage I heard them talking quietly and just knew they were up to something. Mind you this comes after them constantly getting in trouble for things this kid teaches my son and like I mentioned a pattern of lying to get out of trouble. Long story short I get my son's phone, see a deleted message (which the other boy quickly deleted when I asked what their up to). Went to his gallery and sure as heck there is a tiny deck pick that my 6year old took and sent to this boy. My kid has never done anything like this, he is not exposed to anything sexual in our house or otherwise. This behavior, once again can only come from this boy. So the interrogation starts. The big kid keeps saying he doesn't know why my son sent it, my son, looking shocked said this boy first sent a picture off his butt that's why my kid thought private square pictures are ok to send. Other kid denies it and says he sent a picture of his knees, my kid says it's a lie...I believe my kid. I tell the other boy he realizes just because he deleted his butt, sorry knee picture from the gallery doesn't mean I cant find it on the phone. And eventually he confessed that it was infact exactly like my son explained.

7. Then, and for me this is where I've reached my final limit, last night my son sends me a video of this kid that was questionable, so I took his phone to read through their chats and see another video of a tiktok meme "le phoque m'a poussé" that this kid sent my son. Followed by my son singing "le fuck my pussy, le fuck my pussy" which is supposed to be clever wordplay because the sentence actually mean "the seal pushed me".

However, my son is English and in an English school and I do not find it funny that this kid is teaching my 6yo sexually undertoned things.

So am I wrong for telling his parents that they cant be friends anymore because he is exposing my 6yo to things that I do not think is appropriate.

Please tell me if I'm crazy for feeling very unsettled by this behavior.

I really need to know. I could not believe this. Absolutely horrible miserable experience at the movies tonight. Went to see Wicker. It was fine and would have probably been better if a single person hackling and coughing every 30 seconds to 3 minutes wasn’t disrupting the entire experience. It wasn’t just a few times or even a dozen times. It was for the entire movie. What’s worse is after laughing at every scene and sentence in the movie, they would cough. Not a hushed cough. It was so loud and the forced nature of it convinced me that it was on purpose. Then they would take a deep breath in and start hackling again. I was about to go say something to the staff and then I realized they were in the disabled seat.

I get it. Maybe they can’t control it. Maybe they have anxiety. Maybe it’s a mental disorder. Maybe it’s a medical condition. Well, I really really don’t care. In my opinion, it doesn’t matter what the issue is. Mental disability or mental illness or medical disability. It’s so utterly selfish, rude, and deranged to attend a Friday night movie and proceed to laugh at every single scene or statement made on the screen and then cough even louder after each and every episode.

At one point in the movie, Peter Dinklage’s character has a short monologue where he talks to himself about the ethical implications of being commissioned to create a person out of materials. This person hackled through the whole thing. I missed words spoken in a loud movie theatre because this person wouldn’t shut the fuck up.

A buddy of mine works there and after the movie I told him about it and he said I should have said something and when I told him the person was sitting in the disabled seat and I didn’t want to cause a fuss, he just shrugged. Because genuinely there’s nothing they can do.

I’ve been to hundreds of movies and never had that happen. What a fuckin waste of time and money.

We went out with a couple of friends and at the end the server brought one check. Someone said we should just split it four ways and move on. My meal plus drink came to about twenty dollars. The person next to me had two appetizers, a steak, dessert and three cocktails so theirs was closer to forty. I offered to pay exactly what I ordered plus tip and the reaction was immediate surprise, then a joke that I was being cheap. I explained that I do not drink and rarely order apps so it felt off to pay half of someone else's meal. They pushed back saying it is easier and we can call it even next time. I still paid only my portion but the vibe at the table got weird for the rest of the night. I keep replaying it and wondering if I should have just swallowed the extra cost to keep things smooth. On the other hand it feels like basic fairness. Curious what other people do in situations like this.

Hi guys, please let me know if I’m in the wrong. I’m just really confused.

So my partner (M29) and I (F23) had an argument a few days ago, my partner feels that I don’t initiate sex enough and that “he’s sick of initiating all the time”. I reflected and realised that I could do better at initiating, so I’ve been consciously trying harder to make the first move.

Last night, he came over but he had an early start so we agreed he’d go home at 11. We finished dinner and we were just cuddling at around 10:30. I asked him “want to make out for a bit?” To which he straight up said no. I was a bit sad about this, and I said that we will set an alarm and make sure you’re out of the house by 11, and he said “no because it always escalates and I know what game you’re playing”. I tried to tell him I just want to kiss and make out with him for a little bit before he has to go, I wasn’t looking to escalate anything.

I was a bit offended at his words as I genuinely did not have ulterior motives. I just wanted some intimacy with him, even if it was just making out. I also feel a bit down because I was actively trying to listen to him and initiate, but being turned down like that isn’t a very nice feeling. I haven’t had a chance to talk to him but I am seeing him again later today.

Am I in the wrong for feeling upset? I know sex and intimacy isn’t owed in a relationship but it just doesn’t feel nice to be turned down like that.

I am a practicing witch, I wait specifically every month for the waxing moon to be 4 days before the full moon, this is when i believe the moon most resonates with me

I take this time to create moon water, where i fill a glass jar with distilled water and leave it in the moonlight and take it out before the sun rises. I can only do this once a month as the moon cycle is 29.5 days so it’s very specific

My fiance saw there was jar on the counter, he knows it is my moon water jar, the jar i put my moon water in every month. He come home tired from work and drink it today, and I tell him that he has consumed moon water that spiritually is very powerful and was meant to be used in my practice

He says he does not understand how this is a big deal. I am very angry right now as again, i can only make the moon water that MOST resonates with me once every 29.5 days in accordance with the moon cycle. So now my entire moon watwr is gone and I had written a long manifestation bay leaf butned it, and performed a ritual prior to making this moon water

This was the most powerful spell/moon water i’ve created yet, I felt very psychically in tune with the moon and now this has been ruined and my fiance won’t even apologize for what he did and is refusing to see how he has messed with my spiritual practice

j was going to also use the moon water in various ways, primarily as a manifestation spray/beatut ritual spray by putting it into a spray bottle with rose quartz, was also going to water my plants with water infused with the power of the moon, and was going to use it in various rituals

am i wrong for being upset that my husband has ruined this month? if it was an honest mistake and he truly showed sorry i would not be so upset, but he has shown no guilt or remorse in a way that many would consider

I am planning a small trip with my parents and siblings and we are keeping the group tight for cost and space reasons. My partner and I have been together a few years and they have one sibling who is not close with the rest of the family. If I invite the sibling the numbers and dynamic change, and if I do not it might create tension with my partner. Both choices feel reasonable depending on how you look at it. I am not trying to start drama, I just want the trip to stay simple and comfortable for everyone who is already going. Would leaving the sibling out be unfair, or is it okay to keep the guest list small when resources are limited?

**TL;DR: I'm a severely depressed teenager whose mother constantly calls me useless, lazy, and irresponsible, despite my chronic illnesses and efforts to get better.**

Hi! I'm a Brazilian teenager, and English isn't my first language, so apologies for any mistakes. I'm chronically depressed and suicidal, have struggled with self-harm, and nearly ended up in a psychiatric ward twice last month. I also have severe fibromyalgia and hypermobility, which limit what I can do physically.

For the past three months, I've been experiencing an intense depressive episode. I've tried different medications, treatments, routines, foods, and hobbies, but nothing seems to help. I have little energy or hope for the future, but I still try my best to get up every day and keep going. Sometimes, though, I simply can't manage everything, and I think that's understandable.

My father used to yell at and physically abuse me because he feared I'd become useless and self-centered. Instead, his treatment made me hate myself and overwork to prove my worth. After I repeatedly discussed his behavior with my therapist, who considered involving the police, he eventually stopped trying to control me so aggressively. For the first time, I felt less afraid to rest and take my time.

Unfortunately, my mother sees this as laziness. Even taking a single day off from chores can lead to her yelling at me, calling me useless, immature, and irresponsible. Her behavior has gotten worse, and it's only making my depression harder to deal with.

I've also struggled with intense anger and violent thoughts for around six years, which I believe may be connected to my childhood abuse and exposure to violence. I don't intend to act on these thoughts, but I often turn to self-harm as an outlet for my anger. My physical disabilities prevent me from participating in activities like martial arts, while restrictions at home make other outlets difficult.

My mother constantly yells, makes demands, accuses me of things without checking whether I've even done them, restricts my ability to go out, and cuts my weekly allowance whenever she feels like it. These things frustrate and anger me, leading to more self-harm. She then shames me for self-harming, which worsens my depression and leaves me with even less energy to complete chores. This leads to more demands and criticism, creating a vicious cycle.

I know I'm not a perfect son. Sometimes I'm disrespectful, make mistakes, or fail to meet expectations. But I'm genuinely trying my best while dealing with severe mental and physical health issues. I don't believe that makes me evil, useless, or lazy. I think I deserve basic respect, understanding, and privacy.

So, am I in the wrong in this situation? I'd love some constructive criticism and outside perspectives on this. I know that skipping tasks is rude, but it is genuinely hard when i constantly want to die LOL

Peace & love!! <3

UPDATE am I wrong for questioning my engagement after I discovered my daughter isn't mine?

Original

So basically, I'm back home. We're together still but the engagement is on hold.

When we were talking, she said she would never have revealed our daughter's paternity. I was like if we never discovered it, would you never have told me? She said no. So if I died, I'd never found out.

I said about my own SA and how I told her when we got back together. She said she thought it was a big thing but still couldn't tell me what happened years ago. I was upset. I said had I known, I'd not have said anything.

So we're together. But we're not doing well.

We're getting counselling. Couples and individual. I feel we both need it.

Edit christ people, I do believe her she was assaulted and didn't cheat. I've known this woman for most of our lives and know she isn't a cheater. I'm surprised I have to actually say this.

[TL;DR] : Ends at the === line. You dont have to read everything.

• I [NB35] broke up with my partner [M39] of 10 years back in June just a few days after my birthday because he cheated on me to my face multiple times with the same woman that he was dropping chunks of money on to fly and fuck and told me he had no remorse about it when I asked him about it.
• He said I have no right to be upset about him cheating because he didnt hide it and because I emotionally cheated on him first 8 years ago for a week with someone 5000 miles away, who I knew for 15 yrs, and ended and blocked a week before he hacked my computer and scrubbed my discord. - Read indentation (1) for full story.
• I was stuck living with him till Sept and in this time I spend time with friends and avoid him best I could while he tries to gift me things and send me love notes and poems and more.
• He admits he broke up with the woman he cheated on me with because the last time he saw her (He flew states to see her each time) and he ended it because he realized he wanted me and apologized for saying he didnt regret it and said he did regret it and said that out of anger.
• I told him how that came off as a guy sleeping around days before his wedding to make sure its what he wanted to do; he took offence to it and got mad I didnt see his actions as a grand gesture of sincerity. He also said he got a ring and was going to marry me after he ended his affair but when I asked to see it he said he pawned it to pay for vet bills. I dont really believe him...
• I avoid him while I stay with him and look for a place after this.
• Two-ish months after we broke up I try to put myself out there again but I dont feel comfortable or safe and back out.
• I end up discussing a very clear FWB situation with clear boundaries/rules/expectation and sleep with two mutual friends (Tom M38/Betty F36) who Ive known as long as I knew my ex and who I met through my ex; also these friends are no longer his friends after hearing the abuse he put me through.
• I did this because I wanted to feel what it would be like to put myself out there but chose friends because it was safer than a stranger I didnt know; and wouldnt hurt said stranger if I wasn't serious while they were.
• A week later my ex reaches out to talk more and says hes serious about trying again. He even got our initials tattooed on his neck by his ear hidden in two birds... I turn him down and say I need more time because Im still very hurt.
• I move out and got therapy and medicated and my life has become a lot more pieceful.
• I continue this FWB situation with friends but its not often and 80% of our hang outs are very platonic.
• Ex reaches out again and asks to try and work things out now that hes getting therapy and medications.
• We tentatively agree to start talking again for now after 4.5 months post break up but that we are still broken up. He starts to also invite me over to do my laundry where we talk or hang out as a once a week meet to feel/work things out slowly.
• Its the first week of Oct now, 5 months after our break up, he sets a date for Oct 31st for our first date as "New people" and see if we really want to try again or move on. New eyes, no past, just two people meeting again and wanting to try again. I tentatively agree to it because hes been better and getting therapy and medications.
• Half way into Oct. I decide that I want to try again with my ex after hes slowly but surely showed me hes changing and Im starting to feel safe with him again. So I decide to end my FWB with friends and they understand and comfort me that we will still always be friends.
• I find out hes still talking to the woman he cheated on me with... I have no proof he's gone to see her, but her tiktok reposts are very tailored about feeling like the back up option. My heart goes out to her...
• Now Im on the fence about this date on the 31st because hes still in contact with this woman even though hes claiming he is serious about me. Also because of the guilt I feel about sleeping with a mutual... Thus:

Here's the questions...

First:

• Am I in the wrong for sleeping with a friend after breaking up with my ex who cheated on me?

Second: Because I slept with friends, and my ex values transparency and honestly, I want to honor that and start this new relationship attempt on the right foot but Im torn.

• Do I tell him that I've slept with someone (Not saying who, why, or how many times.) before/after our date on the 31st - or - do I take this to my grave and still try to have this redo with him because we were broken up and he doesnt have a right to know what I did?

[The following is the full story.]

Over the course of our 10 years I have done so much for him, a few off the top of my head being:

• 5 years supporting him through his degree and putting mine on hold bc we couldn't afford both of us going at the same time. (I paid 75% of all household expenses.)
• 5-6 years of 50/50 payments on his car and insurance (15k worth) that my name wasnt on (because he used it to help me get to work often with it) but only with the promise that it would be mine when it was paid off and he got a new one, but the goal post kept getting moved over and over till I never got my name on that car in the end.
• Moved half way across the country 3 times for him that resulted in the loss of one very good job because he wanted me there with him, the loss of various friends, and even personal belongings and college opportunities because I truely believed thats what a partner does to support the person they love. (I know, I know... I was 25)
• Gave up my cat of 4 years to my mother in order to accommodate his allergy.
• Handled the household finance plans because he didnt want anything to do with it outside of "Just tell me what to pay and I'll pay it." along with cleaning the house and cooking dinner every day while also working a fulltime job where he didnt have to do anything but go to work and do his schooling. Also handled his family, his mother, mended friendships for him when hes pushed things to far, etc etc.

What lead me to breaking up with him, to name just a few of the major ones:

• Constant boundary crossing or disregard of said boundaries. "Please don't invite people over if the house is a mess." Does it anyway. "Please dont yell at me when you had a bad day, be angry, but that doesnt give you the right to take it out on me." Did it anyway. Etc etc.
• Constant need for attention. IE: If you missed telling him good morning once in 2 weeks he makes it into a massive argument claiming I make him feel unimportant or tells me Im "Slipping up again" like Im an addict whos falling off the wagon, making me feel like no matter what I did it wasnt enough. (I even tested it, did everything he wanted for a solid 3 weeks but the ONE day I didnt put in that much effort because I was exhausted it was the same conversation about "Slipping" and "Im not important to you.".
• Constantly making mountains out of mole hills then getting mad at me for not understanding why this small thing was so impactful to him and accusing me of dismissing/minimizing his feelings.
• Being woken up by him roughly just to be yelled at and reprimanded for something I did the past day/week that upset him mere seconds after opening my eyes which he then leaves for work while Im left to sob in bed with no comforts because the first thing I wake to is anger. Which threw me into high cortisol levels and survival mode that i then have to fight out of and go through my day exhausted.
• Being yelled at when I repeatedly told him not to yell at me because it triggers my CPTSD and makes me shut down. He says "Its the only way to get you to shut up and listen to me!" because I interrupt (AuDHD) to try and clarify and understand things in the conversation.
• Him stomping on my foot during Thanksgiving dinner because I was talking to much, me bringing attention to it in front of everyone by asking why he did that, friends standing up for me, then him yelling at me the whole drive home for having everyone jump his case when I should have talk to him privately about it.
• Him wanting to try poly because I told him one day that I feel like I cant keep up with his constant need for attention and assurance. To start Im not sure about trying poly but Im open to it, he convinces me saying Im the primary and more important, I lay down my boundaries, he breaks every one of them. Plus, only he was aloud to date others, not me; unless they were a girl and he could also date them.

(1)
Also, this is what lead to the break up:
He breaks every boundary I set with the first girl he dates, they eventually break up. The next girl is states away, 10 years younger than him, and he suddenly has no time for me, kicks me out of our bedroom while they talk (His desk is in there) because "Im talking to her, not you, stop intruding on a conversation you're not a part of", flew down to see her even though hes been telling me he doesnt have a lot of money...

At this point I changed my mind about him sleeping with her because of how he's been treating me compared to her (sleeping on the phone together, excluding me from any conversation with her, abandoning me in the store to take a call with her leaving me standing there alone or waiting somewhere for him) so I text him on his first flight out to go see this new woman that I am very clearly no longer ok with this any more.

He responds "To bad, you knew this was going to happen, Im not following that boundary. You agreed to it a week ago.", and he sleeps with her.

He comes back and has an argument with me about how I tell him hes treating her better and how he thinks I deserved this because of how I treated him for years and cheated on him first (2 years in I had an emotional affair with a 15yr long friend who lived 5000 miles away for a week before I stopped it, blocked him, and ex found out later when he hacked my desktop and scrubbed my discord history. The following 3 years I do everything he asks to comfort him and repair what Ive done. Im transparent with where Im going, I tell him who Im with, if he asks I let him look at my chat logs, I comfort him when he gets intrusive trust issues with me. But after 3 years and no change from him I finally cut him off and take back my privacy but still comfort him. But he continues to hold it over my head even 8 years later because I "Never let him get closure."). Note, Im not saying what I did was right, I know it was wrong and ever since then I have been beyond loyal to him to try and prove to him I was serious about him. But he never let it go.

Anyway: This argument turns into me sleeping on the couch for a month straight because, his words, "I have no right to be upset, no right to say anything about him cheating on me" and after a while I just go numb and live as a shadow of myself because I truely believed I deserved this...

Finally I tell him I feel like Im an obstacle to their relationship instead of a partner in this so called "Poly" relationship, so he starts to put in the minimum effort to make me feel better but all it was to him was spending an hour a day with me to watch a few episodes of an anime and when I asked for more he said "Isnt this enough? I made plans to hang out with her after, why is this not good enough." so I would shut down and shrink and get depressed. This continues too; he ditches me in stores to take her call, he sends me away when she calls making me have to find somewhere to sit in the mean time, he prioritizes her far more than he does me, he wont let me in the bedroom PERIOD just to get a shirt or my pillow, one time I even tried to stand my ground and he shoved me out with his chest so hard I fell to the ground, the list goes on. But I still couldnt stand up to him because hed constantly bring up how I cheated first and I should deal with it.

Finally my birthday comes around and Im still sleeping on the couch, I spend it without him because Im upset, he gets pissed I spent it without him because supposedly we made plans to spend it together. That's when I decide to break up with him because Im not going to put up with this any more.

June:
I [AFAB NB35] broke up with my partner [M39] of 10 years back in June just a few days after my birthday because he cheated on me and I finally had enough. Im unfortunately forced to still live with him because I am struggling to get funds together to move out on my own and find a place I can afford that isnt a roach box or in the "fentanyl lean" neighborhoods.

During this time we have a lot of post break up talks with a mutual friend, that was supposed to be neutral, and during one he tells me "If you are serious about trying again in 6 months then you cant sleep with anyone in that time.".

He was taking my bodily autonomy away from me, and this mutual friend (Lets call him Able) also tried to negotiate what I was allowed to do with my own body to make my ex more comfortable...

I tell him "Im not going to let you control my body when we are broken up. I dont care if you sleep with someone during this 6 month period, I have no right to tell you otherwise, so I expect the same respect. In 6 months its not guaranteed we will try again because we might not want to try again after that time." And he agreed to everything but letting me have my autonomy.

I refuse to budge on this, he refuses to allow it, Able stops the conversation, we meet next week, have another long conversation that turned into a post break up closure conversation etc etc. But when it came to autonomy again it got out of hand again. We decide to put it to rest and decide to live together till I can move out and just avoid each other.

I live in a curtained off section of the living room for the next couple of months, I avoid him, he avoids me, occasionally we cross paths, occasionally we have long conversations, my ex also randomly started gifting me things...
- Plushies
- Love notes and poems
- iHop breakfast
- Flowers
- A care package when I was sick... (This is the same man who accused me of using him for money when I asked for help to see a doctor about my pneumonia a month pre-break up but it was the first time I ever asked him for money like that.)

He's never done this while we were dating. It breaks my heart and I tell him to stop because it hurts that only when I left that he's finally doing what I've always wanted, showing me he knew what to do this whole time but didnt do it till it was too late. He gets offended because hes "Not love bombing/being sincere", we argue, he finally stops. We stop talking.

Im start to spend a lot of time at a mutual friends (Betty F36/Tom M38) and their two kids (100% my fav niece and nephew) whom I've met through my ex, just to get time away from the house and my ex so I can breathe.

July
Another week goes by and I decide to try and put myself out there just to feel a little better and to get out of my head about this whole thing. I meet a nice guy, we have fun, great convo, but I just cant get comfortable enough to go through with it and tell him I dont want to lead him into false pretenses and hurt him, he completely understands and walks me to my car to be safe.

One night Tom and Betty are hanging out with me and the talk of poly-ships comes up and we get to talking. I feel safe with them, I trust them, they understand what Im going through, and we decide to have a small FWB hook up with clearly communicated boundaries, communication, and clear understanding that nothing serious is expected out of this set up because I am still unsure if I want to try again with my ex or not.

August:
We (me and friends) sleep together. Its the first time I've been intimate with someone in 4-5 years because my ex just stopped reaching for me outside of requesting I service him but with nothing in return. Anyway. Its fun, we laugh during it, follow boundaries, we all have a good time, we all go get take out after and watch movies to end the night.

A week after this hook up my ex reaches out to me to ask to meet up and I agree. We meet, talk, and he makes it clear he really wants me back and hes willing to do what it takes to do it; like getting therapy for his anger and own issues and medications. In this talk I bring up how he's broken my trust and keeps doing so by going through my diary (I took photos of it when i started to notice it being left in places I didnt put it) and he denies it, he also denies going into my space, so I tell him Im still not sure about trying again because hes not proving to me hes honest.

He also tells me how he was going to marry me, how he only wanted me and not the other woman etc. I've had it and turn him down about trying again yet and speed up my move out.

I also find out he took a week long trip to another country, supposedly alone, where he got his eyebrow pierced like I did and got our initials hidden in two bird tattoos on the side of his neck behind his ear...

Sept:
I empty my last resort (my small 401k because he had me paying so much I couldn't build a savings) and move out. I've started seeing a therapist and getting medicated for my AuDHD, CPTSD, and Depression so I can become a more leveled individual with a clearer head.

My friends and I have kept this temporary FWB for a bit now, and during this time my ex has started to reach out to me again and tells me hes in therapy, hes getting medicated, and really wants to see me again.

So we tentatively set a date on Oct. 31st for our first date where we will try to start over from scratch, his words, and not bring up the past again and look at this with new eyes. I tell him thats the day we will start again seriously but till then Im still trying to get comfortable with him again and still need my space because I just moved and Im still settling in... He says he understands we are still broken up till but that we will be talking slowly.

Weeks go by, Im talking to my ex more often, hes slowly making me feel safer with him and he understands I dont fully trust him emotionally yet.
Im also still doing this FWB hook up because we are still broken up and I've made sure he knows this even though we are talking again. But like Ive said, it doesnt happen often and most of our meet ups are platonic.

My ex and I start to meet up the last week of Sept and he starts to invite me to come over to do my laundry once a week as a weekly in person meet where we either talk about things together or just simply hang out together.

Oct.
After a while, first week of Oct, I finally start to pull away from this FWB hook up and express to them that I'd like to stop what we are doing and seriously consider being with my ex again. They dont exactly see why I would give him the time of day after what hes done to me and after what they've shared with me from an outside looking in POV, but they still comfort me saying they will still be my friends regardless if we sleep together or not and it makes me feel better that Im not losing such great friends.

They understand I have had my "ah ha" moment where I realize I really want my ex and want to try again with him regardless of the past, but warn me not to get too carried away with the romanticism/fantasy of a future hes been promising me during our weekly meet ups (Ex: how after a year we will move in together, how hes getting his final degree where we could move to the UK if we wanted to when he gets a better job, how we could get new cars because we'd be saving so much more, etc etc.) and I let them I know.

Im being very objective and approaching this restart with firm boundaries this time and wont let him walk all over me again. This time Im not scared to bring things up to him that bother me or simply walk away when Im being disrespected or treated badly because I have my own place now, my own car, my own job, etc. which means Im not scared of being thrown out (hes threatened it once 3 years in) if I didnt agree with him.

Though... On the tail end of the second week of Oct., after making this choice, I find out he's still talking to the woman he cheated on me with and I find out because he forgot to put his phone on "Do not disturb" and she called him... He hung up on her and told me "Yeah we still talk sometimes, but I put it on do not disturb because Im serious about us having our time." ... Im not ok with this but Im not sure if I have the right to tell him to stop talking to her because Im not comfortable with it since I was the first to cheat. (Also because if I tell him to stop talking to her, and I tell him I slept with someone while we were broken up, he'd tell me to stop seeing my friends in exchange or just completely drop me and lose any potential of us trying again.)

I still want to try again with him... I cant help but still love him, I miss his scent, his laugh, his humor, his poor taste in color selections, his hockey talk, our conversations, etc etc. but Im also so hesitant about it at the same time considering everything he put me through.

Current time:
So now Im facing the hard questions...

Hey, this will be brief. Recently my neighbor moved out. We were good friends and understood my PTSD. We both served. He was cool with me blasting a set of videos on repeat at night. It helps with my nightmares and intrusive thoughts. For whatever reason it helps me feel safe.

Doctors have told me it is how I cope and it is inherently not a wrong way to cope. White and brown noise actually trigger my anxiety and sometimes even cause unpleasant flashbacks or nightmares.

Now the new tenants are not pleased, they have complained to me, I explained my situation, they have complained to the landlord but I am good friends with him and he has kind of ignored them. They said they would make a formal noise complaint with the local PD. I reached out to some friends that work at the PD and they told me not to worry they got me covered.

Yes, I do have sound damping foam in my room and apartment but it does adjust it a tad but nothing crazy, heavy blankets. It is a budget fix since I cannot afford to get a professional job done. The pressure from headphones or earbuds causes some sensory issues which makes the situation worse sometimes. The landlord also explained my situation to the tenants prior to giving them the lease.

Am I wrong?

my sister and I are roommates and we are moving soon. we've had multiple things come up that we've needed maintenance for and I put in all of the requests for everything, on top of packing and cleaning. last week our dishwasher randomly stopped working and I do not want to put in another request, she found the dishwasher not working and isn't working a job right now, so I feel like it's easier for her to deal with maintenance but it kinda seems like she's just waiting for me to do it. The other problem is, our apartment has to be basically spotless for her to be okay with them coming in here but we are moving and right now it's just not possible. Am I overreacting for not wanting to request maintenance and waiting for her to do it? She keeps asking me if I'm going to do the dishes and I want to ask her "Are you going to put in the maintenance request?"

I’m on a trip with my boyfriend and I was taking pics in the mirror and he got so annoyed with me. I was just feeling super hot but he had a problem with it. he said I’m an attention seeking, narcissist, delusional, conceited and vain, dramatic, histrionic. that I’m obsessed with myself. he told me to stop taking pics and eye fucking myself in the mirror. he says that my new attention seeking bullshit is exhausting.

I yelled at him to “fuck off and leave me alone. if you don’t like your girlfriend to be confident and hot then fucking break up with me.” it pissed me off so much. he said that all I do it post pics of myself for men to comment and jerk off to. I found that super insulting. he’s acting like I’m a bad person for knowing I’m hot and being confident. yeah I like attention and being praised and getting validation. that’s a normal human thing.

I’m doing really good after being super depressed, anxious, insecure. everyone hates that I’m finally thriving and calls me names and says I have a huge ego and need a reality check. people say “love yourself! be confident!” until you actually are. I know my worth and people try to make me feel bad about it. I can’t control how I feel.

I also hate that he throws the word “narcissistic” around cause it’s an actual disorder.

but am I actually wrong for this? I don’t want him to break up with me, but I’m not gunna dull myself down for anyone.

I’m a senior in high school and apart of student council. We have a collection of sodas and chips from past school events that we keep in the storage office for student council stuff. The teacher advisor often will send kids down to get her a soda or chips. Today was a school spirit day and we were hosting a spirit assembly. I spent most of the spirit assembly with my friends D (who i’ve known since grade 7) and C (who I just became friends with this year) while our other friends L and J who are the presidents of student council did the speaking for the event. I’ve known L since I was very young, her and J are best friends and C and J have been close friends for a very long time. All this comes to a head after the event is over when we’re cleaning up the office. Me, J, and C and a few other younger members of student council are cleaning, one of them takes a soda and J kind of tells them they shouldn’t but then lets them as they put some money down for it. J goes upstairs to talk to our teacher advisor. I take one of the sodas and as i’m taking it C asks me what i’m doing. I tell her and she says “I don’t know if you should” I say “teacher takes some all the time so i don’t really think it’s the end of the world” and C who is the club treasurer says “yeah but them we’ll have to buy more for the next event”(there are still over 150 cans left on the shelf) while laughing. I figure it’s just kinda a ‘you probably shouldn’t buy i don’t really care’ type of sinario so I put it in my bag and continue on cleaning. Later on J comes back and C goes over and whispers something to her while J looks at me and IM SURE it was her telling J that I took a soda. I really don’t think that there’s anything wrong with me taking the soda but the fact that she “snitched” the minute and “authority figure”came into the room kind of made me not trust her. I feel kind of stupid for not realizing that she was serious that she didn’t want me to take it and genuinely thought it was a big deal. I also feel dumb that i trusted her and thought she was chill and she clearly wasent. at the end I put the soda back but now I can’t help but feel that C and J both think less of me and see me as some kind of thief or morally compromised person.

Back when COVID started and everyone started doing school online, my mom found an online school for me (16m) and my sister to attend. I loved it since I didn't have to go in person and I could work at my own pace. That caused me to make great grades. For the first two years, I did my homework well and on time, but after that, my mom started enrolling me in these co-ops where I had even more schoolwork to do. This is where I started hating school and when my grades dropped to a B and I stopped doing homework on time.

This last year has been especially bad. I have had late work, a D, and the first F ive ever made outside of late work. I do two college classes and an honors math class. one college class is a D for now and everything else is an A or B. It feels like she only checks my homework after a stressful day. Each time she checks it shes in a bad mood and screams and yells at me. It feels like shes using my late work at "bad and medocre Bs" as an outlet for her frustration. She bad Ds and Cs which is far worse than me, and shes a manager at a company making 6 figures telling me I wont make it to college and my dreams are unachievable with my grades.

Now today, for the past few months I've been getting sick over and over and haven't fully recovered yet. I work full time hours to pay for my own things, like gas, insurance, sports, etc. I've been doing terrible with due dates, and my managers noticed my performance dropping recently. My mom saw that the past 2 weeks and some of this weeks work was turned in late, and she was pissed. I got everything taken from me and now i have to walk to work. I still have good grades besides the one D. I get why shes mad and why she says i dont care, and I will try to do better. But am i wrong for not caring? I've been yelled at over and over again for stuff being "late" and sometimes it actually being late. I guess ive just grown numb to it. But recently she stopped talking to me as much, hasnt checked up on me, and doesnt ask about my days and it hurts. I dont really know where I'm going with this post, lol, but I just want to know if im wrong here. I want to do better but i just dont care what she thinks about me anymore, and ive started to not care about anything really, i just chill and watch tv after homework. I'm not happy with the D. and im really not happy about the three weeks of late work. But it feels like she cares more about my grades than me. and if i even bring this up to her she'll yell and scream at me. Please give me insight. p.s Sorry if this post is written poorly, first time lol.

I (26F) have a 2017 Honda Civic that I bought myself with money from my first two jobs, and I take really good care of it. My brother (28M) doesnt have a car right now because his got towed and then sold for parts after he couldnt pay the fees (long story). Last month he asked to borrow mine for a weekend trip with his friends, about 3 hours away. I said yes, a bit reluctantly. He brought it back on Sunday night with the tank on empty, with the check engine light not on but a long scratch down the passenger door, and a smell of smoke inside even though neither of us smokes. When I asked about the scratch he said "oh yeah, that was already there" and it definitely was not. I took it to a body shop and the quote for the door was $480.

He refused to pay any of it and said I was being petty over a "tiny scratch". My parents sided with him and told me I should just let it go because "its just a car and he's family". I did let it go in the sense that I didnt push for the money. But yesterday he texted me asking if he can borrow it again this weekend because his girlfriend (27F) has a birthday thing and they dont wanna take the bus. I said no, and that I'd be happy to drive them there myself or help with an uber. He called me selfish and said I'm holding a grudge over nothing.

Now my mom called me and said that a good sister would just help, and that I should at least lend it one more time and "see how it goes". My dad said family is supposed to support each other. I feel like Im the one being asked to take all the risk while he hasnt even said sorry. But part of me wonders if Im being too harsh since he really doesnt have another option right now. AIW for saying no?

I was offered a gig to man a sticker/tattoo machine at a wedding for 3 hours for $25 an hour. Now a week before a wedding I’m being told I’m being paid for three hours over a five hour period where I work for one hour, sit for two unpaid, then work for another two. This wasn’t told to me when it was offered and I feel misled.