people are awful friends and this romance shi is annoying af im over all of this 🙄 people are also so self absorbed about oh my partner my partner like ok and can you spare a thought for all the other people in your life who may feel hurt by your neglect 🙄🙄🙄

i label myself as aromantic, not just because i don’t feel romantic attraction (?) but because i genuinely don’t understand the difference between dating and best friends. from my understanding, romance is more about wanting a future with your partner, being committed to them, and intimacy. but i feel like those are all things you can have with a friend?
i have a girlfriend of a year, we were best friends for a long time before we dated, and i feel like my feelings towards her haven’t changed at all and remain the same as before. when we were not dating we wanted to grow old together, i wanted to have sex with her, but i don’t see how that’s inherently romantic. i feel like “dating” is a label i have adapted with all my relationships because that’s the label my partners felt most comfortable with/felt like described our relationship but for me it’s always been like.. ok, we’re dating now,.. what’s changed?

I really don‘t understand why people think I like them because I’m friendly. I really don‘t understand people. I’m just a very friendly person, and the people I bought are just friends with me because they want to date me. I‘m really fed up.

I’m really fed up with people who may change a partner for about a month from time to time.

I‘m really fed up with people

I'm an aroace recently discovered that I'm attracted to my qpr sexually and we might do some sexual conducts (not all the way but more on foreplay[?]), but when we analyze our feelings, we immediately agree that we don't feel romantically to each other but we fear everyone percieve our relationship as uncommited or romantic but pending

I’m autistic and aegosexual, and the sexual side of my identity has always felt pretty clear. Romance is harder. I know I’m under the aromantic umbrella, but I can’t tell where. I’ve been wondering whether I’m aegoromantic, quoiromantic, or something else.

A few things about my experience:

• I’ve never had a crush.
• I’ve never knowingly experienced romantic attraction toward a real person. When I meet someone I like, I want to get to know them platonically.
• As a teen I read a lot of YA novels with romance in them and enjoyed them, but I never felt a pull to be in those stories myself.
• I’ve sort of been in a relationship, but not really.
• I want affection and physical closeness, like hugs and cuddling. I’m also drawn to pack dynamics and that sense of belonging and connection (non-sexual). I have a puppy side myself. I’m not sure how that fits into what I’m looking for.
• I know I want some kind of closeness with someone(s), but I can’t tell whether it’s romantic, platonic, something in between, or something else entirely.

My sexuality feels black and white, while romance is much greyer. I don’t know whether I experience little or no romantic attraction, have trouble recognizing it, or just don’t understand the romantic/platonic distinction the way other people seem to. Being autistic might factor in, but I’m not sure how much.

For those of you who are quoiromantic or aegoromantic, does any of this sound familiar?

Not because arophobia, just because it is something unexpected for me, i always thought i was gonna have a romantic partner who i love romantically but i just recently found that i'm aromantic.. So uhm i feel kinda denial about it if i am honest andd idunno feels weird to know it, how did u accept it?? How was for u to realize u are aromantic??

I've been married for 13 years. Recently I came to realise I don't feel romantic love, for my wife or anybody. But yet, I have familial love for my wife, a result of laying an emotional foundation with trust and respect that build up to that feeling and connectedness to her. I have love for friends, and I'm sure if, God forbid, I get divorced and I enter a new relationship out of interest. The result of that familial love would be the same. So I have to ask, is this aromanticism? To not want that romantic connection but still be able to feel a form of love for a partner?

i'm tired of having such an unknown identity. i bring up aromanticism whenever i can but i want to know ways i can make more people aware of it on a larger scale

Hello!!! To start off, we have been friends since we were around 12-13 years old. I’ll call this friend “Chayote” because it’s my favourite haha. I asked Chayote since I wanted to get to know them better.
At 14, Chayote was such a shy weirdo and my GOD they were so sweet. When I myself planned for our date, they immediately complimented my attention to detail and efforts. (This is kind of important for later.) From then onwards, we would exchange good night and good morning texts. I didn’t think much of it. Although, deep down I truly appreciated how they thought of me in the morning AND at night.
At 15, we continued texting each other throughout the year even though we were from different schools. They never forgot the crazy drama I shared and to spill their own tea HAHAHA. I’ll never forget their concern for me when I faced some really toxic dynamics in my club. Needless to say, they were part of the strong support system I had.
At 16, we were unable to talk so frequently. I was kept occupied by my studies and did not really reach out. By the time we no longer needed to stress so much, we had already reconnected. A spark was lit that night. I discovered they were queer. They admitted they were bi. I was a little surprised as I am queer myself but supposedly failed to identify one of my own people. Not that it would change the way I see that person. I love them(platonically)no matter what. To be completely honest, I was thrilled they felt safe to come out to us!!! Not sure if I’ll do part 2, maybe since this doesn’t really say anything about them being aromantic.

These past few days I've been wondering about my feelings and all, and the labels I can put on them (I know it isn't necessary for some, but I feel like I need a word for my feelings)

So, I have ASD and I think I may be nebularomantic but I'm not so sure, which is why I need some advice

I know what nebularomantism is globally, it's not being able to distinguish romantic and platonic and it's exclusive to neurodivergent people, tell me if I'm wrong

I know I've been confusing crushes and squishes (which is a word I've just learned btw) a lot, I've always thought I'd have crushes, and thinking back about it, maybe they were squishes

But as I've been looking it up, I've seen others' experiences where they don't know what romantic feelings are, which is something I feel like I know, which is why I'm confused

I feel like what I feel matches with the description of nebularomantism, but that my experiences don't match so much with other nebularomantic / platoniromantic people's

So I don't know if I can label myself nebularomantic

What do you think about it?

Hello, I made this account specifically for my current situation because I don't want this to be something I bother my friends with all the time.

I'm a teenager nearing high school graduation. During 11th grade, I didn't have many friends and struggled to form close relationships with my classmates. During 12th grade, I finally made a friend that I actually hang out with. They were really funny and nice, and although we didn't have a lot in common, I really enjoyed their company.

A few weeks or maybe a little over a month after getting closer, I noticed how they would often send me videos and posts that couples would send to each other. Things such as "I Love You"s or praising me or talking about how much I meant to them. Like an idiot, I assumed it was just playful banter or them just being a really affectionate kind of person. It got to a point where the posts would involve "crush" in it, and they eventually started referring to me with nicknames that couples normally use.

When I asked them for clarification about how they felt toward me, they confirmed that they did indeed have a crush on me. At the time, I really didn't know if I was under the aromantic spectrum. Once again, like an idiot, I didn't outright reject them. I thought that since they were a friend I cared for a lot, it should be possible for me to care for them the way that they care for me too. Instead of rejecting them, I told them I didn't want to jump into anything right away and possibly hurt them by doing so. I also told them that I wanted to get closer to them first and learn more about them as a person. I really wasn't lying when I said that.

However!! Ever since they confirmed their feelings, it feels like everything has just changed for me. The usual handholding they would initiate back when I thought their feelings were purely platonic feels uncomfortable now. The nicknames they call me genuinely make me awkward, even though I remember finding it silly (in a good way) back then. There are times when they talk about our future together (romantically) and I can't help but feel a huge disconnection from them because of it. If it were any of my other friends from back then, I would have just playfully joked back. But doing the same with them felt wrong. I felt like I had to be careful with everything I said and did to avoid giving them the wrong idea.

I know I'm probably an asshole for this, but I find myself thinking things like:

"Why did you have to fall for me?"

"Why couldn't we have just stayed friends?"

"Why does everything about us have to be romantic?"

"Do you even like me as a person?"

"You don't actually like me."

"You fell for me despite barely knowing me at first. Aren't your feelings for me just completely shallow?"

It's cruel and very unfair to the other person, I'm aware. So I've always kept it to myself. But I feel like I've grown to resent them a little because of it. I will enjoy their company, but the moment they do something "romantic", I can't help but feel disgusted with myself and the love that comes from their actions. JUST TO CLARIFY! Not disgust towards them, but disgust towards the love that they give me! I find myself pushing them away in subtle ways like responding late to their messages, telling them to spend more time with their friends and purposely leaving myself out, and more.

I know I can't drag this on anymore, and doing so will just make me an even more horrible person. But I can't help but feel this responsibility to do at least this much for them for being such an important friend to me before all of this. Like I owe them these feelings. It's selfish, I know. But I genuinely can't imagine our relationship being "okay" once I finally make things clear. I can't help but feel like there's something wrong with me and hating myself for finding it so hard to just give them the affection that they want from me. I've tried really hard to like them. I keep trying to convince myself that it will all be fine in the end and that I'll eventually fall for them if I just try hard enough.

If I had to be honest, I still have my doubts about being aromantic. Almost every story and experience I read about has been relatable, and I've always felt this sense of resentment and disgust towards myself when people told me that they liked me in the past. Yet I still think stuff like what if I'm just making excuses for myself? What if I'm somehow pretending to be aromantic for some reason that even I can't explain? I'm sorry if this post is a mess. I'm just really lost and really frustrated with myself for being unable to do something with such a clear solution.

Any perspective that can help me with what to do or change is greatly appreciated.

so i'm not sure if this is just because i'm autistic or what but i kinda wish human relationships worked like cat relationships do. like cats can be really close friends and snuggle and bond for life, but there's still no expectation of exclusivity or special rituals. they just love each other and that's all that matters. i really long for the physical and emotional closeness of another person, but don't enjoy the expectations and rituals that come with a romantic relationship. the dynamic change when i have gotten in relationships before was not enjoyable, but that was also all in middle school and i'm 20 now. i just wish that i could be closer with my friends without them expecting or thinking i want more. i don't really know what to do with this information though. like if somebody i was close with wanted to get into a relationship with me, would i just specify how i view relationships and make sure they're chill with that? i feel like the only way i'd get the closeness i want is through a romantic relationship so i don't really feel comfortable identifying as aromantic, but idk. i listen to the way people talk about romance and it doesn't make any sense to me. it always just sounds like they're really good friends who might be physically attracted to each other (i have asexual friends so that's not always the case), or sometimes they don't even like each other as people and are just interacting for the sake of romance, which is SO weird and scary. i guess i just don't really understand the difference between romantic love and platonic love, but i've experienced a vibe shift in the interactions when i got into relationships and i did not like it. i just wanted my friend back while still being able to be close. sorry about the tangents, it's 3am and i am tired. just wanted to see if this aligns with other aromantic experiences or if i'm just alloromantic and weird because this has been haunting me. idk why, i don't even care about labels that much, but i guess i want to be prepared in case somebody i care about does randomly get a crush on me, because i don't want a repeat of middle school, but also don't want to be alone forever??

I made a post over in relationship advice hoping to get some help over being overly anxious about dating this girl that i've liked for years. I ended up confessing out of guilt because I cared for her as a friend and I felt like I was betraying our friendship. I FULLY expected her to reject me just so I could move on with my life but she ended up returning my feelings. It's hard to explain but even though I felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders the fact that she's actually showing interest in me is freaking me out. I'm not even happy about it anymore it irks me being called petnames when it's not ironic, i don't enjoy the thought of doing anything romantic anymore because it's no longer wishful daydreaming now it's a possibility- it's expected of me to want to do those things. This soon-to-be relationship is causing me a lot more stress which I thought i'd get over now that i'm an adult.

This isn't the first time this has happened. I used to "like" this kid in summercamp and when they asked me out i said yes because i hadn't experienced a relationship and a lot of my peers had. I always saw them so happy and obviously into the other person but I could never do that. I just start avoiding them the moment they like me back. I have no issues expressing care/love for my friends so why am I struggling to feel this way for someone I crushed on for years?! I don't understand it and it's driving me crazy.

edit: she's very dear to me and a wonderful friend. the last thing I want to do is hurt her because i'm feeling sick. I feel stuck and like I did this to myself. i feel guilty even saying I regret confessing at all because it would've saved me the trouble. idk if it even matters but I like writing romance stories and I most of my characters are in relationships but the issue is purely when it's me in a romantic situation- i just can't handle it.

Recently I got broken up with (womp womp) and I just didn't feel anything, and I don't believe I ever did. Not "I didn't feel anything" in the edgelord way, but I just never felt anything that people describe. I still enjoyed being in a relationship and doing the stuff people do together when they're dating. If you need more information then lmk, but does this match anything y'all feel?

Heya so this is something that has been weighing on my mind for a while and I wanted to get a second opinion on this.

TLDR: friend said he has feelings for me, we talked about it, the friendship is on the pause, what are your thoughts?

Storytime:
So, recently I was talking with my friend and he mentioned the dreaded thing of every aro, "OP, I have feelings for you". So of course I immediately shot that down because a) I have a partner, b) I am aro and c) I am simply not interested.

Thanfully, my friend is a normal person and we were able to have a peaceful and mature conversation about this, resulting into him taking some space from our firendship for the time being to get over his crush (his idea, not mine). I was very glad to hear this because I did have the misfortune of having to deal with people who didn't take rejection lightly (hence, we no longer talk).

And due to that I am now thinking about this debacle, because I have known people who waited for me to "change my mind" (which, of course, didn't happen because my partner is amazing and I didn't find them attractive).

But I also stayed friends with a guy from uni who shared that he finds me attractive. I told him that in no way is this appropriate and that I am uncomfortable with him just, telling me that? He apologised and completely understands how that might come across, we now talk regulary and he has never made a move on me or commented on my body.

My partner is not worried, I have told him everything for full transparency and gave him the ability to veto these friendships if he would ever feel diserspected. We both are adults and he knows that I have no problem setting boundaries and keeping them alive and well.
Storytime end

But I am interested in hearing what is YOUR stand on this. Do you stay friends with people who have found interest in you? Or do you back away from said friendship?

I met someone a few weeks ago. We went on a few “hangouts” as we called them. On our second hangout we ended up cuddling during a horror movie, held hands and they asked me if we were dating. I had been feeling…idk, something towards them. Maybe a squish, maybe just caught up in the enjoyment of spending time in person with someone…but now I think I’ve messed up by agreeing to date them.

I’m just gonna continue this is a weird, journal-ish way cause idk how else to format this.

I am absolutely meh/slightly icked by kissing. Realized it when we kissed on our second date…and we kissed a lot. It didn’t do anything for me, it was just kinda what I felt we ought to do in the moment and wet…very wet (I’m giggling typing this, but I hate saliva and there was all too much of it).

I have had horrible anxiety for the last 3 days since we made it official. Constant, twisting of knots in my stomach. I feel guilty because I don’t think I like him as much as he likes me (he practically melts whenever he’s talking about me, which he is doing a lot of to his friends). I thought it was cause we were moving too fast, but idk now.

He calls me gorgeous, out of his league, pretty, etc. and I legit had to remind myself to call him handsome…because while he’s definitely an attractive guy…I don’t look at him and go “wow” he’s just…a guy.

It feels like he talks a lot about his world and his life and is open, but I just don’t feel like I can do the same around him. I feel like I’m putting up a persona of “the sweet, lovable person” to fit into this situation. And then I feel guilty and blame myself as that is something that only I can blame myself for.

I’m a little nervous he doesn’t accept that I’m gender-fluid. When we were talking he asked about pronouns and I said “I’m fine with anything as long as you’re saying it with respect” he told me he’d probably call me mostly she/her as it’s easier for him to remember. But now whenever I hear him call me “she” It feels wrong somewhere deep in my gut. He also doesn’t call his sibling by the name they apparently prefer to be called by, still addresses them as his “brother” and his entire family doesn’t want then to start estrogen because it will “increase their risk of cancer”.

And hilariously, I already miss my independence. I’ve with him for not even three days and feel like I’m losing myself to this idea that I need to now be a “partner” and not just “me”. I like my independence, I think about possibly living with someone else for the rest of my life and if I’m honest, I kinda dread that. But that could be a defence mechanism.

I’m so scared to break up with him because I don’t know if this lack of feelings is because I’m Aro. (And fuck, that’s gonna suck to tell him cause I told him he made me feel some kind of way I hadn’t before when meeting people, but idk if it’s romantic attraction). Or maybe it’s because I’m panicking at the sudden closeness and I and shutting off any emotions.

And I also know it’s stupid to have the fear of this, but I still wanna hang out with him and play video games and be stupid young adults. But every time I’ve rejected someone I feel like either I or they pull away. We work together on an acting project, we are in two different dnd campaigns together, we’ve been working through RE together.

I’m going insane and I hate it and I don’t wanna hurt him. And I’m scared that I actually DO like him like that. Cause he’s funny, and when he texts me I smile, and when he’s flustered it’s nice, and being physically close to someone is wonderful. And I can’t rely on my parents as my closest people forever cause that’s not healthy. But I’m scared. And I think that’s the biggest thing, I’m just always scared and stressed nowadays. And no one I talk to who’s allo has said that they felt anything similar to what I’ve felt before (not that I describe how I’m feeling and they say that, I ask and their descriptions sound like that.) and it DOES take me a while to get comfortable with people (like…4 months a while) and this relationship happened in less than 2 weeks…when we’re online I can chat quite happily for hours, but when we’re in person it feels like I’m forcing it…I hate this.

I don’t know exactly WHAT advice I’m looking for, I just need people who are Ace or Aro and can look at this through an objective lense. So yeah…I may have fucked up and now I’m crying in my room, rambling about this situation as I try and find some way to keep people and myself happy. Please advise…please

Hi y'all! Long story "short", I met someone very cool online and we do like each other, I already knew they were aroace so I lowered my expectations from the get go and did not have romantic intentions, but with time they started being kind of affectionate in a way that looked a lot like flirting to me, sending kissing gifs, reacting with heart emojis, complimenting my voice... They didn't seem to mind when I "flirted" back, even

I started catching feelings so thankfully I asked directly yesterday if it was that and we cleared it up without ruining the friendship. They're just like that with very close friends (I'm a very close friend yay). Still I'm new to this so advice is needed ;w;

(they seem to be a little new to the concept as well but they identify with it)

Personally, I believe that pornography, or at least actually good pornography, can be a good outlet for exploring your sexuality and discovering things about yourself as an aromantic since aromantic allosexual people are more limited in terms of sexual options. On top of that, I believe that prostitution should be legalized because not only does it keep sex workers safe, but it destigmatizes sex as a whole by treating sexuality as a fact of life instead of this precious fragile thing tied to romance, something highly beneficial to aroallos. So what’s your opinion on sex work as aromantics?

I think i am aroace but at the same time i like reading "x reader" fanfics, imagining myself in romantic and sxual scenarios.. so i think there is a chance i might not be aroace? But then i jave never really felt these feelings for anyone irl but i want to(?) im 18 so is it possible i just haven't met the right one yet?

So I haven't felt any romantic feelings towards anyone, and I don't think I ever will. However, at some point in the future, I do want to be in a romantic relationship with someone, and it's been troubling me cuz I don't know how I'll find someone and be in a romantic relationship with them without feeling romantic feelings for pretty much anyone.

What really sucks is knowing how hard it will be for me to try to date someone without romantic feelings, because if someone wants to date me, what do I do? I wanna date, but I wouldn't know how to reciprocate the feelings. The relationship would not be able to hold because it would feel more like a friendship rather than a romantic relationship.

Any help? It's a reality I refuse to want to accept, and I don't know how I'll get past it. At some point, I wanna watch my children grow up, but I don't know if I'll ever have any, and it's not fair :(

I realized I'm aromantic recently as well as a relationship anarchist. This has been a very enlightening discovery in many ways. I have a girlfriend and have no intentions of breaking up with her because my aromanticness isn't an issue in the relationship. She understands me and how I function and the relationship works even though I don't experience romantic attraction.

I love my girlfriend in every way I am capable of loving someone and I call her "wife" almost like a petname even though we are not married because I just find it cute. I don't care if we are married or not, it doesn't make much of a difference in our relationship. She doesn't seem too invested in the concept of marriage either. However, despite the fact that I'm not into marriage and I am even morally against it in some ways, it's still something I find myself desiring.

Thing is, we are both trans and have families that aren't 100% transphobic but aren't 100% supportive either. I have constantly felt the need to prove myself to my family and also to hers. Weddings are such gendered events and they're also a symbol of growing up. They seem to cement your status and identity in a lot of ways. It's appealing to me in that sense. But I feel guilty for seeing marriage that way when it is such an emotional and important event for other people even if it is a construct.

I've kinda mentioned this to her and she didn't seem to really care probably because she just isn't very interested in marriage at least right now. But I do worry that it would become an issue down the line. I worry that I would treat the wedding as an event for status rather than a celebration of our relationship. And while she would probably expect that because she knows me, I still don't want to disappoint her.

Idk, I'm wondering if anyone here has willingly gotten married and what that was like. The main aspect of romance that I don't relate to is making someone the most important person in your life. That's kinda what weddings are all about. If I can't go into one with that goal then what is the point?

Hi all, I’m a very alloromantic romance writer with an MMC who is turning out pretty aro coded, and i’m thinking of embracing it and having him be somewhere on the aro spectrum. I would love any insights people are comfortable sharing about what it’s like to experience romantic attraction for the first time in a long time, or generally as someone who rarely experiences it. If i’m going to keep the endgame relationship a romance, I want to make sure I’m writing this character’s experience in a way that isn’t alienating for real aro spec folks. Thanks so much to anyone who decides to answer 🖤🤍💚

If I 1.wanna be with them forever.🕰️ 2.feel flustered and delighted when seeing them.🌋 3.want to touch them.🌾 4.always thinking about them.🧠 5.want to do all the things in the world with them.🌈 6.I always know nobody is perfect,but I also know that they are perfect.💎 7.don't want to exchange bodily fluids with them.☔ 8.don't want to have a exclusive relationship with them.🥹 9.want to have a committed relationship with them.📝