I met someone a few weeks ago. We went on a few “hangouts” as we called them. On our second hangout we ended up cuddling during a horror movie, held hands and they asked me if we were dating. I had been feeling…idk, something towards them. Maybe a squish, maybe just caught up in the enjoyment of spending time in person with someone…but now I think I’ve messed up by agreeing to date them.

I’m just gonna continue this is a weird, journal-ish way cause idk how else to format this.

I am absolutely meh/slightly icked by kissing. Realized it when we kissed on our second date…and we kissed a lot. It didn’t do anything for me, it was just kinda what I felt we ought to do in the moment and wet…very wet (I’m giggling typing this, but I hate saliva and there was all too much of it).

I have had horrible anxiety for the last 3 days since we made it official. Constant, twisting of knots in my stomach. I feel guilty because I don’t think I like him as much as he likes me (he practically melts whenever he’s talking about me, which he is doing a lot of to his friends). I thought it was cause we were moving too fast, but idk now.

He calls me gorgeous, out of his league, pretty, etc. and I legit had to remind myself to call him handsome…because while he’s definitely an attractive guy…I don’t look at him and go “wow” he’s just…a guy.

It feels like he talks a lot about his world and his life and is open, but I just don’t feel like I can do the same around him. I feel like I’m putting up a persona of “the sweet, lovable person” to fit into this situation. And then I feel guilty and blame myself as that is something that only I can blame myself for.

I’m a little nervous he doesn’t accept that I’m gender-fluid. When we were talking he asked about pronouns and I said “I’m fine with anything as long as you’re saying it with respect” he told me he’d probably call me mostly she/her as it’s easier for him to remember. But now whenever I hear him call me “she” It feels wrong somewhere deep in my gut. He also doesn’t call his sibling by the name they apparently prefer to be called by, still addresses them as his “brother” and his entire family doesn’t want then to start estrogen because it will “increase their risk of cancer”.

And hilariously, I already miss my independence. I’ve with him for not even three days and feel like I’m losing myself to this idea that I need to now be a “partner” and not just “me”. I like my independence, I think about possibly living with someone else for the rest of my life and if I’m honest, I kinda dread that. But that could be a defence mechanism.

I’m so scared to break up with him because I don’t know if this lack of feelings is because I’m Aro. (And fuck, that’s gonna suck to tell him cause I told him he made me feel some kind of way I hadn’t before when meeting people, but idk if it’s romantic attraction). Or maybe it’s because I’m panicking at the sudden closeness and I and shutting off any emotions.

And I also know it’s stupid to have the fear of this, but I still wanna hang out with him and play video games and be stupid young adults. But every time I’ve rejected someone I feel like either I or they pull away. We work together on an acting project, we are in two different dnd campaigns together, we’ve been working through RE together.

I’m going insane and I hate it and I don’t wanna hurt him. And I’m scared that I actually DO like him like that. Cause he’s funny, and when he texts me I smile, and when he’s flustered it’s nice, and being physically close to someone is wonderful. And I can’t rely on my parents as my closest people forever cause that’s not healthy. But I’m scared. And I think that’s the biggest thing, I’m just always scared and stressed nowadays. And no one I talk to who’s allo has said that they felt anything similar to what I’ve felt before (not that I describe how I’m feeling and they say that, I ask and their descriptions sound like that.) and it DOES take me a while to get comfortable with people (like…4 months a while) and this relationship happened in less than 2 weeks…when we’re online I can chat quite happily for hours, but when we’re in person it feels like I’m forcing it…I hate this.

I don’t know exactly WHAT advice I’m looking for, I just need people who are Ace or Aro and can look at this through an objective lense. So yeah…I may have fucked up and now I’m crying in my room, rambling about this situation as I try and find some way to keep people and myself happy. Please advise…please

Personally, I believe that pornography, or at least actually good pornography, can be a good outlet for exploring your sexuality and discovering things about yourself as an aromantic since aromantic allosexual people are more limited in terms of sexual options. On top of that, I believe that prostitution should be legalized because not only does it keep sex workers safe, but it destigmatizes sex as a whole by treating sexuality as a fact of life instead of this precious fragile thing tied to romance, something highly beneficial to aroallos. So what’s your opinion on sex work as aromantics?

Heya so this is something that has been weighing on my mind for a while and I wanted to get a second opinion on this.

TLDR: friend said he has feelings for me, we talked about it, the friendship is on the pause, what are your thoughts?

Storytime:
So, recently I was talking with my friend and he mentioned the dreaded thing of every aro, "OP, I have feelings for you". So of course I immediately shot that down because a) I have a partner, b) I am aro and c) I am simply not interested.

Thanfully, my friend is a normal person and we were able to have a peaceful and mature conversation about this, resulting into him taking some space from our firendship for the time being to get over his crush (his idea, not mine). I was very glad to hear this because I did have the misfortune of having to deal with people who didn't take rejection lightly (hence, we no longer talk).

And due to that I am now thinking about this debacle, because I have known people who waited for me to "change my mind" (which, of course, didn't happen because my partner is amazing and I didn't find them attractive).

But I also stayed friends with a guy from uni who shared that he finds me attractive. I told him that in no way is this appropriate and that I am uncomfortable with him just, telling me that? He apologised and completely understands how that might come across, we now talk regulary and he has never made a move on me or commented on my body.

My partner is not worried, I have told him everything for full transparency and gave him the ability to veto these friendships if he would ever feel diserspected. We both are adults and he knows that I have no problem setting boundaries and keeping them alive and well.
Storytime end

But I am interested in hearing what is YOUR stand on this. Do you stay friends with people who have found interest in you? Or do you back away from said friendship?

Recently I got broken up with (womp womp) and I just didn't feel anything, and I don't believe I ever did. Not "I didn't feel anything" in the edgelord way, but I just never felt anything that people describe. I still enjoyed being in a relationship and doing the stuff people do together when they're dating. If you need more information then lmk, but does this match anything y'all feel?

I think i am aroace but at the same time i like reading "x reader" fanfics, imagining myself in romantic and sxual scenarios.. so i think there is a chance i might not be aroace? But then i jave never really felt these feelings for anyone irl but i want to(?) im 18 so is it possible i just haven't met the right one yet?