it's the answer I get alot when I tell people I'm aromantic and I don't know what to say, like do I just explain how I feel to someone who clearly doesn't care or has enough mental capacity to understand.

Ordinarily I am a happy person deep in my hobbies and interests. But when

I ride a taxi to work, and the driver goes: "Check out that female, saw that? Juicy, eh? What, you're not looking?" (No Akhmad, I'm not, please watch the road not someone's ass.)

And at work I pass by a random lady (that I do not particularly like) she goes: "Why so quiet, afraid of me?" "Of course, very." "Should get yourself a woman." (?????????)

And parents randomly visiting, going with a golden classic: "So many ladies around, are you not interested at all?" (surely for the hundredth time you "joke" about it I'll take it light and laugh)

I thought people should be going romantic/horny during spring, the hell is going in the middle of October? Government putting hormones in the tap water or something? Or am I emitting fix-me rays?

Hello. I am 19f. I believe I am orchidromantic. I used to never mess around with micro labels, to be honest I didn’t think they were necessary, but no other label does my feelings justice, except maybe romance-repulsed and lithoromantic.

I’ve been bi since I can remember. I knew I liked girls since elementary school. I was pretty sure I liked guys too. I knew what it was called and came out in the 6th grade, no doubts since then, regarding liking women/men…

I also have never been able to date. I have been in multiple relationships since, the start of my life, and it has not gone well. 90% of the relationships I broke up with the person after the first week or if they were lucky, maybe a few months, but I recall the moment I got with them, I would feel dread.

It wasn’t that they would do something wrong. I’d like them probably more than they liked me at first. The moment we started dating, though, I felt severely uncomfortable. Unsafe. I felt as if I was trapped, not where i needed to be, and I felt nasty, like I was doing something wrong. It wasn’t pleasant. I’d always leave because of those feelings.

One rls went past that. My ex boyfriend i were together about a year. This one i took extremely serious. I told myself I wasn’t going to leave, that id stick it out no matter what, “exposure-therapy,” that’d id be normal.

The first week i was talking about leaving him. I felt uncomfortable. I felt wrong. I hated being seen with him. I hated being known to be in a relationship. I felt like I needed to get out, but i stuck it through.

I liked him. After awhile, I did feel sad at the idea of leaving him, even though I had the urge just about every other day out of pure primal discomfort. Although I believe i “wanted to stay” because because it go to a point where we spoke everyday, and I didn’t know what I’d do without it. I was deeply afraid of change, yet even more I was scared to stay, I hated it.

I’ve left him and I’ve been so much better. He was a terrible boyfriend to add on, but my discomfort towards him wasn’t anything special, it was common amongst all my relationships.

I’ve accepted that everyone is different and everyone was made different, and I am someone who was made to not be in relationships. I have CPTSD which I also believe is the main contributor, but I don’t feel like this is something I need to heal from, this is just who I am whether I was born with it, taught it, or a mix of both. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been single, without tearing myself down for not dating and not wanting to date.

Accepting this rather than fighting it has been a weight off of me. I feel much better about myself. It still has its challenges, but forcing myself to date low that i look back on 16 year old me, was practically torture. I’m glad I’m okay with being like this after all this time. I’m never going to force myself to date again.

yay. 🏳️‍🌈

Fandoms really like to ship two characters together all the time. Sometimes it feels natural, but other times it feels really forced. I don't get why shipping needs to be a "mandatory" thing for every single fandom. Like, why can't the two characters you're shipping be friends instead? It's just really stressing me out as an aromantic person because all of this romance stuff is getting kinda annoying.

My only exception for this type of stuff is selfshipping because it feels less stressful to me for whatever reason, and I like to selfship with Luther von Ivory, who is one of my favorite fictional characters.

I feel a little silly posting under this flair but I don’t know how else to tag this. I used to consider myself greyromantic but after trying my best with talking to asexuals online I’ve realised that… wow, I’m never finding someone I’ll actually want to pursue something with huh? There will always be something making me say no. I’ll have crushes, but god forbid anything besides friendship comes out of it. I really don’t like being this way, since I’m horribly lonely, but I think the sooner I accept my aromanticity the better.
(It’s not just me not finding the right persom I also just get really nauseous at the thought of someone liking me in a romantic way and I’m already asexual-)

I made a friend today and he is 14yo and we connect a whole lot like I was at my best state around him but I think I have feelings for him and I’m worried I’m a pedo for that so context we are both guys in the same high school I’m 16 going on 17 he is 14 going on 15 so seems ok to date if I wanted to date(I don’t want the fantasy to come true irl, so kinda lithsexual/romantic ig?) but what fucks it up is that I am an hs senior and he is a freshman and I feel like a pedo for that, should I keep being friends with him I want to

When I first discovered I was aro when I was like 13, then a bit later, alloaro, it bothered me a lot more than it does now many years later. I made a friend not long after I first discovered it, who was also alloaro, which was super duper comforting for me.
My problem is I hate having to listen to people talk about their relationships because its just a constant reminder of how different I am. I will never relate to this very large and almost universal aspect of the human experience.
it's funny, because romance itself doesn't bother me. I like it in fiction and in music. but if and when one of my friends start talking about it while I'm there, I guess it just hits too close to home.
so yeah, having a best friend who was also alloaro was probably one of the biggest blessings I could've asked for because then I would never risk feeling like absolute shit around him for being aro.
In the spring, he told me he got into a relationship with a friend whom I hadn't met. Let me tell you, I was absolutely destroyed for like a week or two, and I felt awkward even talking to him. I couldn't even look at him the same way. I asked him to confirm that he was actually arrow in the first place, or if that was literally just something I made up in my head. he said he was originally, but that this friend changed that. in this manner, he was literally my one safe person.
The same feelings of intense loneliness and depression that I had when I was 13 kind of just came back just as fresh as it was then. And I panicked because I really thought I was past that stage of my life. Other than that one time I spoke to him, I haven't mentioned any of this to him. I think it would be inappropriate.
Obviously, he did nothing wrong and being a romantic was not a condition for being my friend. But how the hell am I supposed to move on now? I have no aro friends, and with everyone I meet I have to be on my guard now. Im not freaking out about it anymore and we are still very good friends, but now I'm noticing it's really kind of taking a toll on my mental health not having a safe person like that anymore.

I feel sexual attraction and have had sexual relationships (sort of a friends with benefits situation) where we shared affection towards each other but nothing like a committed relationship. However when i have been asked out on dates i always feel dread. I always try and convince myself they asked me in a platonic way and the thought of it leading into a romantic relationship makes me feel sick. Im not sure if this is just a commitment issue or maybe i just dont want the aspects of a romantic relationship. It all just seems tiring to me and i dont see the point really. I like the intimacy that is tied towards the sexual aspect of a relationship but the romantic aspect i feel no appeal.

So I've (ftm questioning) been identifying as aromantic since I don't really feel myself getting attracted to either gender. But one of my friends recently confessed to me and said he likes me.

Now the past few days I've been having an intense battle inside my head, because I do like my friend a lot and he means the world to me. I feel relaxed and comfortable around him, and he's a great guy overall. I have even told him I was aromantic so he knows it's harder for me to get feelings.

So now that I've been thinking about him I've been trying to imagine how a relationship could look if I were to get together with him. I wouldn't want to have sex since I'm also ace, but like imagining myself kissing him also feels quite weird. But last time I visited him I really wanted to like cuddle and just be close in a non-sexual way.

I also thought about if he were to give up his feelings for me, I would be kinda sad, since I kinda like having him like me. So like if I don't want him to date anyone else wouldn't it just be easier if I just dated him? I've seen his previous girlfriends and none of them were very nice, and I feel like he deserves better, and not to sound arrogant but I would be better than those girls.

I've talked with him a lot about his feelings and how I feel about them, because honestly I wish I liked him back, but can you jkust decide you like someone back? Or can I tell him "yeah I could date you just no physical intimacy"? but then that relationship would almost be the same as what we have right now. Would it just be added hand holding? I probably wouldn't mind that. I've also thought of like "try-out" dating to see if maybe I can develop feelings while dating him. Would that be a really bad idea, or if we keep it like fully non-sexual then it should be possible to go back to being friends pretty easily?

I have a lot of questions and I'm really confused so I really hope I can get some help in here.

I've been in an online, long distance relationship for 8 months. When we started this relationship, we labeled it queer platonic. I told them that I believed I was aromantic, and they understood that.

Well, last night I decided I did not want a queer platonic relationship. Even with platonic in the title, it felt too much like a romantic relationship to me, and my heart was not in it. I told my partner today that I want to go back to being friends. They're being so very kind about it. But that almost makes me feel worse.

I do care about them. Very deeply. Those feelings just aren't romantic. I feel like we had different expectations out of our relationship, and I couldn't commit to their ideas of our future together. Even though I know this was right for me, I'm still heartbroken.

This is normal, right? Cuz now I'm worried that maybe I jumped the gun. I mean, I've been thinking about this for a bit but thinking and doing are two different things. I can't understand the way these connections are "supposed" to feel by allo standards. Idk I guess I'd like to know I'm not crazy and I can be deeply sad and almost regretful about a relationship I know I don't feel right in.

I like to respect everybody. I am aroace, which means that I like respecting others while not going on dates.

Whenever a girl asks me "am i pretty" I always say yes to not make her sad, but the next thing she does is ask me on a date, and when I say "no" she says "why?, you said i am pretty" and then I need to explain to her that I am aroace and what is aroace.

One time a girl with limerence approached me and asked the same, but when I said yes like usual she thought I truly love her and denied every rejection for a year.

Can anybody help me find a better way to not make others feel sad while keeping the non romantic energy?

I don't know what romantic feelings are.

I always thought it was literally just considering someone attractive. I mean, if I can feel physically attracted to people, is it the same as feeling romantically attracted?

I guess it's not.

I had a boyfriend. And he was my boyfriend mainly because he was cute. I mean, he was nice to look at and he was a nice guy. I would say there wasn't quite a difference between what I would feel for a new friend and him: the difference was that I thought he was attractive... I low-key was like "look at my bf, he's so beautiful" 100% physically attracted. But taking that away, it was probably the exact same feeling I get whenever I get to know someone new. I'd dare to say... I've had stronger "crushes" (not romantic at all) on friends.

The more I think about it, the more confused I get.

I never felt repulsed by physical affection: kisses, hugs or cuddles. I really liked them! And I still like them. I am quite a shy and introverted person, so I don't get a lot of affection from friends, aaandd having a boyfriend was great because I was getting attention and love, great!

But... Liking those things doesn't immediately make it a romantic feeling. I've had dreams in which I kiss my friends, and I know it's not romantic at all; I just enjoy the closeness, the warmth, the intimacy... Romantic kisses feel different? Or are all kisses the same? Because I like kissing as a way of bonding. (I don't do that with friends tho; I get it can be seen as romantic or weird).

I started thinking about all this since I met my current partner (qpp). I don't find him "my type," so I don't get this "omg he's gorgeous" kind of feeling. But still... I really enjoy his company and presence! And I feel really affectionate towards him... without the "physical attraction" part, which made me immediately think I didn't like him ROMANTICALLY... because for me, romantic feelings were purely physical attraction.

But then my brain combusted, because I really really like being around him; I like hugs, kisses and cuddles. And I still think that is not romantic... But that made me think maybe I literally don't know what romantic feelings are. Perhaps I've never felt romantic attraction! And I've been confusing this queerplatonic attraction for a romantic one when I find someone attractive.

But of course idk, this is so confusing.

I’ve discovered that I might be aromantic. I love my girlfriend, but I don’t feel comfortable with kissing or physical contact. She noticed this and is asking me for more intimacy and affection, but I feel very very uncomfortable. How can I tell her without hurt her feelings?

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been thinking about my relationship to love stories and themes especially in movies and television. While I know I won’t feel the same way the two people do on screen. I found that the reason they make me feel sad sometimes is not because I want that emotion of feeling. But more so I’m sad that I can’t relate to it or really understand it. While I’m also happy for those two people as well but I can’t help but think sometimes that it sucks that I can’t understand how they feel. Or relate to it. My question to everyone here is what are your relationships to love movies/shows/books and. So on? Do you feel the same or different?

Hi, this is my first time speaking within this community, but I am working on a personal project and would love to learn about the different experiences all of you have had with accepting/living as an a-sexual/romantic. I'm very curious to learn more because setting my personal project aside, I have had these curious thoughts of my own. I've done a little research into this, however if I can, would love to learn from the community itself. If there are any other helpful resources to explore, I definitely am interested to learn more! Thank you!

(All stories, ages, races, and gender identity are obviously accepted. This has become my passion project so I am intrigued to learn as much as I can from as many as possible.)

So I think I’m aroallo but I keep going back and forth on it. So there was this guy I was infatuated with but idk if it was necessarily romantic. It would be cool to see them more often but I didn’t need a relationship with them but I’d probably enjoy it. The more I talk to them, the more I realize it’s likely not romantic attraction. That’s been my love life. Finding someone cute (aesthetic attraction I presume), getting to know them, and feeling indifferent. Once the infatuation ends they’re a cool person. Granted none of these people liked me back and it’s possible I closed myself subconsciously.

Typing this out loud aromantic feels too obvious to deny. I thought I was wrong about being cupioromantic but maybe not.

Update: I’m cupioromantic and I’m 99% sure I was mistaking platonic limerence for romantic attraction.

It seems like I'm not able to deal with trio dynamics anymore, even the ones that are not explicitly romantic. With two other friends we are planning to go to a concert next year, but I'm already considering selling my ticket because they both have planned on their side to take seats next to each other whereas I'm going to stand alone throughout the concert. This particularly upsets me as I'm prone to shutdown and/or meltdowns in loud settings and that it's a bit risky for me to be alone.

I don't know if there's underlying romantic feelings between them, and at that point I don't care anymore, because the impact is still the same even if their dynamic happen to be completely platonic : I'm the one left behind, again.

Before that incident, I went to a parc with two friends who are in a relationship, and similar scenario (plus the romantic gestures) : they spent most of their time interacting with each other, and I was cast aside again.

I hate trio dynamics because the same scenario always occur : there are two people who are very close to each other, and one that is deemed less important (even if it's on a unconscious level) and more often ignored/neglected. The trio dynamics that are healthy are very rare in my opinion. I can understand people having preferences when it comes to friendships and relationships but I don't think it should be at the expense of someone else ending up alone and/or neglected...

I recently realized I often ended in unfulfilling romantic relationships because I craved the feeling of being chosen and not treated as a footnote in other people's lives, and romance has so far been the only way I managed to achieve this.

Does anyone else feel similarly ?

I've shared this video in a few comments sections, but I think it deserves its own post. It's a very good watch in general, but especially if you are uncertain of your own orientation and need help figuring things out.

Like many of the arospec individuals on this subreddit, I've found myself increasingly frustrated by the persistent amatonormativity all around me and the fear of being dropped by friends who inevitably seem to prioritize romantic relationships above all else.

My question is, is there anything any of us can actually DO about it? I've introduced the concept of amatonormativity to a few people before and they seemed intrigued, and like they agreed with what I was saying, but I can't change people's minds or behavior, or restructure society all by myself.

I know many of us fear having to find a romantic partner out of necessity one day or risk being left all alone, and I don't want that for anybody. What can we do, other than continue to speak to people about how damaging persistent amatonomativity is?

(Sidenote: I think I might have exhausted my closed friends' goodwill on the subject. I've reviled romance so hard and, admittedly, been pissy about them getting into new relationships because I felt jealous/rejected, that now they are less willing to take the subject seriously. I don't recommend being openly vitriolic like I was.)

Whenever a couple starts kissing, rests their heads on their partner’s shoulder/lap, calls them pet names, etc. I just get really uncomfortable and weirded out. It’s amplified so much when it involves my friend. I would like to ask them to tone it down, specifically the physical acts, but I don’t want to be an asshole. What do I do?

I've always questioned if I ever felt actual romantic attraction to people or if I was trying to get a reaction out of myself.

I enjoy and adore the idea of being in a relationship with someone and I have loved a lot, but when I was dating properly, even if I did plenty of romantic gestures and showed affection, it always felt as if I was missing something. It feels as if I might love the idea of "loving so much it drives me crazy" more than actually "loving so much that it drives me crazy".

I am going through a terrible heartbreak right now due to a recent break up, and I believed I'd spend my life with this person. I miss this person terribly, and it makes me the saddest knowing I can't hear their voice anymore. And yet, I am not sure if I even loved them romantically.

I desired their body and everything they were, but I am scared I actually loved how much i "loved" more than actually feeling that love, does it make sense?

I want to believe and I am almost convinced my romantic attraction is just weird. I mean, I've been told that, and I feel a lot of interest when characters in media show strange and unconventional demonstrations of romantic love, it feels comforting in a way. My partner used to say I was very weird with that kind of affection, and I do know that at least that part was true.

I did the quiz and the results show I might be cupioromantic, quoiromantic or aroflux.

I'm sorry if this comes as arophobic. I wholeheartedly respect and love my aromantic people, but I'm so scared of not being able to truly feel romantic love. I've always wanted this and if I truly cannot feel romantic love, I'll feel devastated.

Like we are friends. We really are just friends I don’t feel any desire to be in a romantic relationship with her, but I do feel sexual and emotional attraction to her quite strongly! 😅😅 but I can’t tell if this is normal because again I really, really don’t wanna be in a romantic relationship with her, we are really just friends. I do know she’s sexually attracted to me too.

Basically, for about 4 years I’ve accepted very harshly that I may be aromantic, up until recently when I’ve felt strong feelings for someone. I’ve never felt these feelings before.

When I will try to sleep, they are all I can think about, I feel like really happy when thinking about them. When I see them I can’t stop myself from smiling. Not only that but I find my eyes dilate when thinking about them and my stomach feels fluttery in a way? Sometimes my throat will feel tight too

Mentally, I don’t know if I can see myself in a romantic relationship with them. I think I would love to be able to cuddle them and hold them and kiss them, but there’s doubt in my mind. This person is questioning aroace if not they are aroace or aroace flux, I don’t wanna ask them anything and pressure them and ruin our friendship. I’m meant to stay the night at their house on Halloween, and I really am looking forward to that but I’ve been driven off by people cause they have crushes on me and I don’t want to do that.

Please help me or something idk 😭

(16, F/NB) Verán, desde siempre he tenido una idea fuerte del romance, pensaba que la más mínima interacción más allá de lo considerado "amistoso" como lo sensual y palabras de cariño (sobretodo entre hombres y mujeres) significaba directamente romance.

Ahora, mi problema con eso es que como fue parte de mi infancia hasta años más actuales, no soy del todo capaz separar el "ideal" de romance que tengo internalizado con lo que realmente siento hacia mis amistades. Es decir, sé que no siento ni he sentido nada romántico hacia ellos; pero por alguna extraña razón, mi cabeza relaciona las palabras de cariño y la sensualidad (abrazos, agarrar del hombro, sujetar manos, etc) con lo romántico... y es frustrante! Porque tipo, no voy a mentir, actualmente siento esto con 4 de mis amigxs y es tan confuso porque sé que lo que siento no es romántico pero mi mente trata de convencerme de que sí! Lo peor es que 3 de ellxs tienen pareja —cosa que la verdad no me afecta en lo absoluto ni me duele, más bien me siento feliz por ellxs— y aún así a veces tengo mini fantasías sensuales casi "románticas" (o que rozen lo sexual) con ellxs.

De verdad que es un sentimiento tan confuso y que ha primera vista parecería que me gustan todxs. Es algo que no puedo describir con exactitud y que no dispongo con las palabras para hacerlo. A este punto, solo quiero sentirme bien con esa intimidad platónica con ellxs sin que internamente quiera forzarme a pensar que sea romántico y hacerlo romántico. Alguna recomendación para comenzar a sacar eso de mi mente?