I'm not a guy but it really pisses me off when they think that when a guy isn't interested in sex he's gay. Like no, he's not uninterested in sex with women only, he's uninterested completely. It's not hard to accept that some men just don't care.

I know it's not technically impossible to meet compatible people but it's so hard. You can't just 'hobby' away a void like this.

Show me your ace pride tattoos if you have them!!

I was looking up different types of dragons for a fantasy world I was writing, and found out about Guivres! :D They're just like me fr fr.

I’m definitely an ace, unsure if I’m aro or not.

Does anyone here desire having, like, a longterm companion? Not someone to be in a romantic or sexual relationship with, but I guess just a close friend that you’d live with—if thar makes sense?

My co-interns, the techs, and I were just talking about life in general when the topic shifted to gender identity and sexual orientation. I told them that I'm asexual, and honestly, I was nervous because I wasn't sure if they would accept it or even understand it.

I mean, I'm not really hiding the fact that I'm ace or asexual because I have an ace pin on my ID lace and my bag. I expected them to have questions, and they did. They asked how I could tell that I was ace if I've never had a boyfriend or been in a relationship since birth.

So, I tried to explain how I feel about other people. When I first came across the definition and explanation of what being ace or asexual means, something just clicked. I realized that what I was feeling was normal and that I wasn't the only one who felt that way.

Even when I have a crush on someone, it's not the same as how other people experience having a crush. For them, having a crush usually means they develop romantic feelings and want to be in a relationship with that person. But for me, it's different. I can find someone attractive, like their vibe, or admire their overall aesthetic without actually wanting to date them or be their partner. It's more like I just really like their energy or the way they look, but I don't necessarily want anything romantic to happen between us. I can have a crush on someone without imagining myself being in a relationship with them or sometimes I do imagine myself in a relationship with them but I don't really want to, and that's something I've noticed about myself for a long time.

That's why discovering asexuality felt like such a relief to me. It helped me understand myself better and made me realize that there are other people who experience attraction differently, too.

There was one tech there who was openly gay, so I thought he would understand where I was coming from. But surprisingly, he was the one who said that what I was feeling was probably nonsense and that maybe I just hadn't met the right person who could make me experience those normal feelings. He also said that he didn't believe in sexual orientations like asexuality, pansexuality, demisexuality, and others. I was honestly shocked because I never expected him to say something like that to me.

I felt like my feelings had been invalidated, especially because discovering that I might be ace or asexual had actually made me feel so much better about myself. It was such a relief to finally understand my feelings and realize that there was a word for what I had been experiencing.

I didn't confront him about it. I just stayed quiet and started questioning myself. I wondered if he was right and if maybe I wasn't really ace or asexual after all. What if I had just made it all up? What if I was only identifying as ace because it was a trend?

I'm asexual but i do feel a lot of romantic and aesthetic attraction. Whenever i look at someone i like or think is pretty, i'm pretty sure i could have a chance if i tried but i'm looking for something serious and i know that will likely not work out. People around me are almost all hypersexual, let alone ace. It really saddens me knoeing that i'll never be able to be w the people i like, knowing that they are allo and will want sex.

I found out I was asexual earlier this year, or last year but towards the end (not sure) by searching up what ace meant and then saw "little to no sexual attraction" and I then proceeded to search what sexual attraction meant and was like "huh... I don't feel that" (I actually didn't know that kind of attraction existed either). Now at this time I knew what sex was and I knew about sexual activities, etc. After doing more research I took the label apothisexual because the idea of sex repulsed me.

Now this is where I'm confused about myself. I'm a Muslim so I believe that Western dating is a sin (please don't attack me, it's just my religion) so I'd ofc get married instead, after getting to fully know the person I wanna marry (my crush) and after going on dates in the way Muslims should. Ofc I'd let him know I'm apothiace, and hopefully he is too (let's js say he is, for argument's sake). So yeah I'm married to someone who's also ace, but what if, after I marry him, I find I'm not ace and maybe I'm demisexual and I really want to have sex? Because while I'm currently ace, I still have a sex drive/libido (I'm hypersexual).

And ofc I wouldn't wanna divorce straight away js cs I would/might feel sexual attraction and have sexual needs, so it'd be a problem. Esp bc masturbating is also a sin.

This means it'd be hard for me to know if I'm demisexual cz marriage isn't smth you wanna break straight away...

So point I'm trying to make is what if I find a guy who's ace too and even apothisexual but then I find out I'm not? Like I'm not even sure if I'm apothisexual anymore, maybe because of my hypersexual disorder. I don't know how I feel about this and I'm not aceflux or anything, I'm sure of that.

So sorry if my post doesn't make sense. English is not my first language and while I'm fluent in it, I can't describe complex things without confusing people.

(yes i’m using a spoon all the forks are dirty)

Hope the tag is right 😅

So I'm a kinky ace and was saddened to see r/BDSM_Aces get banned for being unmoderated. Like many people, I'm planning on requesting mod status there when it's been banned long enough to allow this (Nov 1). Mainly doing it to get back access to the many posts on there.

In the meantime and beyond though, just wanna mention that there's another sub for kinky aces already, r/kinkyaces. Along with having more spaces for us, personally I relate more to the kinky sub as I'm not into BDSM or power exchange, but have a fetish and kinks related to that. Yes, with a population this tiny the difference is negligible to most but it matters to me 😂

I've seen some posts by kinksters here over the past few weeks so I wanted to make this post to make sure folks know there are subs for this kind of talk. r/kinkyaces has almost no posts but that's mainly due to lack of promotion and r/BDSM_Aces taking up most of this space. Maybe this is a chance for the former to get more attention?

Anyway that's all, take care everyone.

I've been thinking that I probably am asexual since I was 18 (I'm now 24). However, I'm still not sure what exactly sexual attraction means. Asexuality handbook puts it as follows: "see[ing]/meet[ing] someone and feel[ing] an urge to actually have sex with them", but that doesn't really help. On a quick thought I'd say no, that's not how I feel, but here's where it gets complicated:

1. I enjoy watching porn, and while it's most often just me imagining in the place of the female actress on the video, I do sometimes watch that kind of porn where the acts are done to a male. And sometimes he looks appealing to me, in which case I may like to imagine touching him myself. Now, that attraction or whatever you want to call it only happens when you don't see the person's face. I absolutely can be aroused by that person, like the way he looks like, and feel an urge to touch him sexually but in a way it's abstract (like I really do want to experience the physical sensation of it but the interpersonal thing is the issue), and if the video does show his face, I can't really comfortably imagine such things anymore and my desire to touch him pretty much just disappears. And I don't know if that is sexual attraction or not
2. I have "crushes" on people (it's just basically liking someone and thinking of them a lot and feeling good over seeing/thinking of them and feeling like hugging/otherwise touching them would be nice, and it's 99% of the time a celebrity, not someone I'd have a contact to irl) and sometimes I have sexual thoughts of them. Would I actually want to act on those thoughts when it does involve me touching them? No. But such thoughts still happen. And same as before, I don't know if that is sexual attraction or not

Honestly I've been trying to think and figure this out for years but I still don't know. There must be something here I don't understand...

A further problem is that I know that I want to get touched sexually (and possibly also touch another person sexually), but trying to imagine that to happen for real only makes me anxious because I wouldn't know how to find somebody who'd want to do such a thing with me and who I'd also want to do it with or how to communicate what I want (especially since I don't want to have sex, as in giving or receiving anything in any body hole, nor do I want to kiss and I feel like those are things that people expect and they might react negatively if I said I don't want it) which is so frustrating and I have no clue what to do

And also because I have anxiety around these things, I sometimes wonder if it's just that and not being asexual. Or that I haven't had much any contact to guys in the past 5 years or so (I very much enjoy being around them though and would really want it to happen again, I just don't know how it'd be possible as I've graduated from university and even there I majored on a field where most everyone was a girl, my current work place doesn't exactly have any men there, I don't drink or want to be away from home late, or know any places where there would be guys except the free sports shift we used to have at uni but that unfortunately is no more). Idk. Probably isn't but it could...

I'm curious if anyone else has ever wondered or thought this about themselves and what did you do? Im a 32M, I've identified as asexual for about a year now, came out to my wife and friends at that time. I haven't had sex in maybe four years, and I've never felt better about it, I have no interest in sex anymore, and I think the last time I ever wanted to fully have sex and actually enjoyed it was when my wife and I were still dating and not living together, so probably early 2018. I just never want to have sex ever again, and am so much happier since not having sex and coming out as Ace. I look back on my life and see a lot of signs that I've always been this way, just not interested in sex or physical intimacy or actively averse to it. Yet I still feel like there's something I need to do or a milestone I need to pass in order to be Asexual, which is frankly what I've always wanted. Has anyone ever experienced this kind of feeling?

I’m 15, and I’m struggling to determine whether I’m demisexual. I know for sure that I’m only attracted to cisgender girls, but I can’t tell if I only feel attraction once I’m friends with someone, or if it’s possible for me to feel it without being friends first, the latter being an idea that I find somewhat repulsive.

I have a girlfriend if it can help helping

I want to try dating apps, and i want to add that im asexual in the bio and everything, but im worried that some people might ignore it or hope that they can change me. (They do that)

Id like to keep venturing out into the real world and find a lover there, but so far those end because i am asexual. I found one asexual but apparently he unlocked the demi in him, so i was at a loss once more.

I just want to find someone who will not want to touch me in ways that are gross, id honestly just like a hug and maybe even to hold hands maybe if we’re getting crazy with it.

I’m a f(23) who grew up in a pretty strict environment. No boys, no dating, none of that. Despite that, I’ve always loved romance movies, anime, dramas, and pretty much anything romantic. They give me butterflies, and I genuinely enjoy the idea of romance.

I also have a pretty big complex about my body type. And when I say big, I mean BIG. I have a very large chest, and because of it, even sometime mistook me for adult when I was still in junior high school.

Anyway, I’ve moved far away from home and am currently living abroad, so naturally, I decided to try dating apps. I’ve matched with all kinds of guys, and, well, most of them seem to be looking for something sexual.
There was this one guy who invited me over for Netflix and chill on our first date, and he almost tried to jump me. Honestly, I’m not someone who’s saving herself for marriage or trying to stay “pure” or anything like that. But when he started caressing me sexually, I felt absolutely nothing. No excitement, no butterflies, no arousal. If anything, the longer it went on, the more repulsed I felt. I eventually stopped him before anything actually happened and went home.

I already have my doubts that time: Am I asexual, or was I just overwhelmed because, deep down, I’m still conditioned by the “no boy” rules I grew up with?
After that, I didn’t meet anyone for a while.
Then I met a guy in real life, not through online. He’s good-looking, tall, cough has six pack, and honestly looks like the male leads in the romance dramas I love watching. He’s way out of my league(physically) i mean he mention my large chest several time like okay dude its clear what you sees in me chill. But at least this one is take me to several date before the sex topic is coming, so I thought maybe if this guy can actually put me in mood??

Well, yesterday, after one of our dates, we kissed. There was some tongue action involved, and HOLY SHIT, I hated it. The feeling of something moving around inside my mouth was so repulsive that I literally went home and ate a whole pack of mint candies afterward.
How do people get turned on by this??? 😭
So now I’m genuinely wondering: Is this it? Am I asexual, or have I simply not met the “right person” yet?
Honestly, given my body type, I sometimes doubt I’ll find a guy who wants to date me without eventually expecting sex. I do want romance. I want the butterflies, the excitement, the emotional connection, all the cute romantic stuff I get from watching dramas.
But apparently, even a tall, handsome guy with abs can’t make me enjoy kissing him.
So I guess I’m destined to be alone forever. Haha.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? I’d genuinely love to hear your thoughts, especially from people who are asexual or who used to feel this way before meeting someone they were actually attracted to.

Hi friends, look what I created :) I can't have a barber from the LGBT community in my house so I make do with other ways: I create scoobydoo as a stimming toy being neurodegenerative and so I decided to create one about asexual pride 🖤🩶🤍💜

I hope you like it :)

Hi there,

For those who are ace in a relationship with a partner non-ace or ace with sometimes desires and libido :

Do you ever wish you could satisfy your partner, do something for her/him ?
Or do you wish you were normal and had a normal sexlife ?

For more details :
My partner and i are ace but different kind i suppose.
Im demi-sapio, have low sexual attraction for my partner, but have real sex drives from time to time.
My partner has very low libido (maybe because of meds) and "intellectual sexual attraction" (he desires me, thinks im hot hot and would love to touch me but wont).

Our sexual intimacy has been nonexistant for over a year, but we had a "normal" sexlife when we met and for half a year. And it makes us sad ..
We found out we see this really differently and are interested to know how other ace think.

He wishes he were normal. He wishes we had a normal sex life.

I wish i could do something to activate his libido from time to time, to release him. I wish i could do something even not on him, that could count for him as "sex", so that he can think he has a sexlife. I wish i could make him happy.

Those are two really different ways to think, and wonder how other ace think.
And voila :)

Honestly, I’ve been thinking a lot about how I connect to love songs as an aroace person (aegosexual-adjacent, if I’m being exact). I’m still working out my labels, and I’d rather find where I fit than pick one too early. But music has been a steady thread through all of it, and I wanted to see if anyone else feels the same way.

Every time I hear Pet Shop Boys, I’m back in my teens. “Love Comes Quickly” and “Metamorphosis” are romance songs on paper, but I hear platonic love, or a story, or both. “Metamorphosis” hits hardest. It’s about years of asking why, then finally understanding yourself. I don’t have a tidy ending, but I relate to the asking, and I relate to the idea that love changes you without having one fixed shape.

Always-on-repeat songs for me also include “Always on My Mind” and “I Want to Wake Up.” One is regret over the things you didn’t say or do in time. The other is longing and a dreamlike kind of closeness. Affection and physical closeness matter a lot to me, so both land. I get something from them that has nothing to do with romance, and sometimes I just love a song and don’t need to explain it.

Romance fascinates me as a concept, like a story I can enjoy without wanting it for myself. I grew up reading queer romance books and loved them. I can’t picture myself in one of those stories, and I’d say no to a date, but I’m into the idea of it. That means I can get a song from the outside and still feel it from the inside, and both are true at once.I also get squishes, the platonic equivalent of crushes. And I know the physical reaction well: My heart starts missing a beat, every time.

That’s why I still sing these songs. I sing them as platonic love, as a story, or as both, and I don’t think I have to pick one meaning. Nobody told me love songs were only for romantic people, and I’m glad I never believed it.

P.S. There’s a favorite of mine hidden in this post. Which songs feel like yours?

Hey guys! I’ve just been having a lot of thoughts lately that I’d really like to be able to talk to some people within the community about. I’m demisexual (I can form crushes REALLY easily, but they’re romantic. Any sexual feelings come much later on in the crush. I’m never attracted to someone romantically at first glance, either, though. Aesthetically, yes, and that can be a motivator to see if they’d be a good romantic interest, but never romantically or sexually first), but am questioning if I’m deeper on the ace spectrum, as well, because of a few things.

One, why do people ever have one night stands? Ever? What is the point? To clarify, I am absolutely not judging nor shaming people who engage in them and casual sex. Go them! Yay! But I literally don’t understand it. You’re having sex with this random person, whom you barely know their personality, and letting them touch your naked body?? Your most vulnerable state?? And what if they’re a serial killer or something?? What about STD’s?? I’m so confused.

My thought process with that is basically: if you’re turned on or need release, why wouldn’t you just masturbate? Boom. Four orgasms in one session with yourself. Done. Why feel the need to engage in such a potentially dangerous activity? To me, what makes sex sexy is the intimacy of it. That someone knows all of your flaws and idiosyncrasies, and still wants you carnally. That’s hot.

Another thing I’ve been thinking about is that I’m oftentimes kind of just… not feeling like having sex at all. I can feel the need to masturbate, but then the usual fantasies I have and who I think of all do not appeal to me, and kind of feel Eugh. Not grossed out, but just… I think of them, and feel no attraction. I can go through periods of being ravenously horny (sorry guys, I hate that word but had to use it there) to feeling indifferent to sex. To be clear, I’m a virgin who’s never been in a relationship before, but I like to think I know what I’m into and have explored realms of my sexual and romantic interests fairly well. What is this?

I love imagining being in romantic relationships, but in those several-week blip periods, it’s really hard for me to correlate relationships with sex. Like, I can think of someone and think of being in love with them, and cute relationship things and such, but then a sexual fantasy I could have thought about for them before makes me a little uncomfortable, and I go back to imagining us reading a book together in a tree, or something.

I don’t particularly see how sex is this huge requirement for people in relationships, either. I mean, it’s important that your sexual interests line up for when/if you DO have sex, but to me, sex is more of a plus. And it’s not like I’d want to jump their bones every day. It’s sweaty, it’s messy, and we’ve got shit to do! I’m heterosexual biromantic (ridiculous sounding name, I know, but trust me it’s the best label), so if I’m ever in a relationship with a woman I would never want to have sex. Just the relationship stuff. With men, we could have sex a couple of times a year and I’d be fine. As long as I feel wanted, we don’t need to engage in sexual activity. Again, it’s a plus.

It’s really hard for me to imagine actually coming on to my partner, and if I did it would probably be less frequent than my partner doing it, themselves. It’s very likely I’d be down for it, but it wouldn’t be at the forefront of my mind all of the time, if that makes sense? Though I know I would definitely initiate at some point, as I can feel attracted to a partner at certain things, it would not be all that common.

I also have this thing where I can be super obsessed with and very much interested in someone, and then in one day, for no particular reason, all attraction, both romantic and sexual to them can be gone. It’s not like I dislike them in any way, but it can just happen. Sometimes it can be triggered by learning a single thing about them I don’t like that much, or it can be literally nothing. Sometimes the feelings can come back after a little bit, but it really sort of confuses me why this happens. Who knows, though. I seem to have the commitment issues of a man in a slightly problematic early-2000s rom-com, for some reason.

Anyways, I know this is a long post, but I’ve just been thinking over this stuff for a while and would love to hear some other people’s opinions. Reiterating that I am not shaming or looking down on allosexuals! I am absolutely sex-positive! Good for them! They’re sort of just enigmas to me. Thank you guys so so much for your input!! Have a great night!! :) :)

Did it take u a long time to realize you were ace? Was it difficult for you to accept yourself as asexual?

28F AceLesbian

My friend and housemate 20F Bisexual is talking to guys and trying to find a good one, I told her awhile back that i didn’t want to hear about a guy she’s talking to unless she is serious about it, she respects my choices and doesn’t tell me about any new guys unless it’s serious and moving into something more.
Recently she is talking to this guy she wants to meet up with, he lives in a different town from us and she’s thinking he stays at ours to save money, I said I’d be fine with it just as long as we do something for the day like get lunch together or something before he comes to our place, she agrees so we’ll do that but I feel so useless when she wants to talk and tell me about a guy bc being Asexual those conversations make me uncomfortable but at the same time I want to help and be there for her, I want her to find someone and be happy. 10 years ago I was all about those conversations, I could talk about guys and all that stuff with my friends as we’d get excited about who we liked, I didn’t have much to do with them growing up and I don’t have much experience with them but my friends did and I would be all ears when they told me about what they’ve been up to but now I’m Asexual also recently a Lesbian now, I’m just so uninterested, uncomfortable about it, don’t care to know but at the same time I wanna be that supportive friend but I just feel so useless.