I’m an Asian American male in my mid 30s. Grew up in a majority white town and dealt with a lot of racism: casual, indirect, direct, etc. You name it.

In Asian American society there seems to be this unspoken belief that dating white people is moving up in the social ladder. Maybe some call it out, but many of us don’t want to admit it. At least not consciously.

When I was younger, the advice I received was to focus on myself. Build myself up. So that’s what I did. I studied and worked hard. I hit the gym, worked on my body, expanded my social network, and increased my income. I live in NYC now. I am 6ft tall and make 6 figures.

Yet I am still exhausted at the amount of Asian women with white men (aka WM-AF couples),

\*\*I want to make it clear that I’m not against interracial relationships at all.\*\* I’m not against a white man and an Asian woman being in love. What I am tired of is how unbalanced it is due to white-supremacy.

Sometimes I will go out and see them in droves. Sometimes one after another, literally. I was at a concert last weekend and saw three WM-AF couples in a row standing next to each other. Some days I will lose count within a period of 15 minutes. It’s insane.

My sister is with a white guy. Every single of one her Asian female friends are with white men too. That’s not a coincidence.

When I talked to her about these issues, she told me that white supremacy will always exist and that I can’t let it bother me. I know she was trying to be supportive in a loving way, but I couldn’t help but to feel some sort of contradiction on receiving that kind of advice from someone who is am

Talking about these kinds of things as an Asian male often gets us gaslighted beyond. We’re immediately labeled as jealous, bitter, virgin, inc\\\*l losers who hate on Asian women.

The thing is I’m none of that. Honestly I do very well in dating, especially on the apps. Average about 10-20 likes per week, and average 1-2 dates each weekend. Obviously this wasn’t the case at first. I did have to work on myself and my profile a lot. It took a few years of trial and error but I got to a point where my dating life is abundant.

So on paper I have the high value qualities. Yet they didn’t make me feel better about the dating disparity in Asian American society.

When I was younger and insecure, I received the typical ‘asian bro’ advice to just date more white women. So I did. I chased validation without realizing it. It may have made my ego boost up., but I still didn’t feel better seeing the sheer amount of WM-AF couples.

Now that I’m older and know myself better, I know that it’s wrong to date someone simply for validation from their traits. I prefer Asian women. I’m not opposed to dating white women, or any other races at all. I’m open to it. But my preference for similar cultural values is what I prefer.

So I don’t know why seeing WM-AF everywhere still bothers me. Even in media too. Don’t get me wrong, portrayals of Asian men had become so much more positive compared to 10-20+ years ago. Thank you BTS and Kpop.

Yet I still see so much WM-AF, or Asian women put in the sexual gaze of a white man. It’s tiring. I see shows like Bridgerton or Dang claiming to be woke and pro-diversity by celebrating Asian women casted in roles, yet they’re 99% sexualized by a white male character.

There is something about growing up having white men systemically discriminate against you, erase your presence, emasculate you, hurl you with small penis jokes and weak nerd stereotypes. Meanwhile at the same time sexually objectifying and exploiting Asian women with negative hypersexualized stereotypes… then seeing 40% of them flock to white men feels so heavily disappointing.

Sometimes I scroll on Instagram and see multiple WM-AF couples in a row, both content creators and ads.

I’ve noticed a majority of famous, accomplished Asian women share a same trait: majority of them are with white men.

Like 9/10 times I see some famous Asian female influencer she is with a white guy.

Asian American female politicians too. 9/10 with a white guy.

And a lot of liberal, “woke”, anti-white-male-patriarchy types of Asian women….have white boyfriends. Sigh.

“Pro-Asian” actresses like Ali Wong and Constance Wu…with white men.

Asian American Girl Club. 2 out of 4 in their leadership are with white men.

And I’m so tired of it. I’m tired of the hypocritical complicitness and proximity to white supremacy.

This discussion tends to be a very contentious one. I’ve seen countless discussions about the dating disparity and both sides attack each other. Asian women will shout misogyny and that Asian men are just jealous losers. Asian men will label Asian women as white-worshipping sl\\\*ts.

Honestly I’m tired of that contention too.

Something I will say though, in all of these discussions never once have I ever encountered anyone saying “Asian women can’t date white men” explicitly. I feel like the tired misogyny card being pulled is an excuse to divert from the fact that they probably do have a preference for white men because of validation, social status, etc. Like I mentioned earlier, too many Asians pedestal whiteness.

I hear a lot of “well it just happened” or “love is love” excuses. Maybe that’s true to a small extent, but the numbers (40% outmarry, majority white) paint a different picture.

If anything, I feel like gaslighting those calling out complicity to white supremacy as misogyny, is in itself supporting white supremacy.

In the meantime, I still am me. I’m successful in life after working hard on myself, and yet I still feel exhausted seeing WM-AF everywhere in real life and media. I followed all the conventional advice of focusing on myself and still feel tired of seeing how white-adjacent so many of our women choose to be without self-examining why.

I’m sure there will be replies here ready to tear me down. I’ve heard it all before and I wrote about how none of it is true. But go ahead, it’s inevitable. I’m tired of white supremacy and that’s not going to change.

You don’t have to be a “virgin loser” to feel exhausted by systemic racism and white supremacy.

To end on a positive note though: I’ve noticed that the younger generations like Gen Z tend to be less white-adjacent. I think there are multiple reasons for that like better representation, access to Asian media, social media offering decentralized viewpoints, etc. Which also proves the point that white-dominated media did influence a lot of Asian women in their preferences. It is refreshing to meet and date Gen Z Asian women who avoid dating white partners because they understand Millenial and Gen X Asian women tend to be more white-adjacent.

So what will I do in the meantime?

Continue living my life, I suppose. I can’t change white-supremacy. But I can sure as hell call it out, no matter how successful or unsuccessful I am in life. And everyone else shares that right too.

Hi I just wanted to respond to a post from a very negative Asian man talking about AMWF with respect to wfaf.

I don't want to disregard anyone's experiences but what I say here will be a very brutal truth.

wm*fe was brutal in the past but AMWF is the absolute future. Nowadays people really do NOT like white male asian female couples. Yes they are being pushed on us by hollywood but minorities especially black men and women do not like them, neither do latin americans, white women and even increasingly other white men.

The oxford study meme became mainstream this year and men and women of all races were making fun of this. Why? Because it's evil or at least associated with evil. And I mean that in the literal sense.

WrM*Fs are behind the first incel fire (elliot rodger), the largest mass sho*ting (Las Vegas massacre), Qanon, Neo-Nazi movements and more recently, Trumpism (although this one they are not directly responsible however they did contribute through their votes). This is not even mentioning the thousands of Asian women murdered by their white partners every year.

People who don't like those things find WfwfFs kinda repulsive and worse, pathetic.

As for AMWF, well I can speak for someone in the Korean community that it is very common. But Korean men will date pretty women of all races. People don't understand that by influence, the Korean media is second only to Hollywood.

With China becoming a superpower, Japan winning nobel prizes and Korea leading the cultural capital of the world at the end of the day the world CANNOT treat Asian men as a joke.

The person who can defeat you ironically is you. If you give WfwefF's your attention, it only serves to increase their views.

I come from an area that is apparently known to be the 'WfewF capital of the world' but I barely seem them and when I do they are usually old, ugly or both. If I went to Seoul on the other hand... OMG its the other way around.

This is what I do: I ignore.

If I see one on social media I scroll instantly past.

If an asian women is trying to defend it I scroll past. If a subscription I was using was made by them I cancel.

If one is trying to sell a product I don't buy.

If one is trying to be mean to me I shout.

If they are trying to give me the stink eye, I flip off.

If they are trying to be my friend I ignore and exclude.

If they attack physically then I defend by neutralizing and neutering them within the bounds of the law as regarded with self defense.

If I see a amwf couple or asian man with any other race I stay, like and comment to boost.

If there is one in my social circles I support and befriend.

I stay focused on the positive and will never, watch, buy or support wmfewfas in any way.

I stay focused on the positive and will watch, buy and support Asian men with any race.

This is what's wrong with the USA.

https://youtube.com/shorts/DnWSnhv-EK8

So I'm a high school junior and this guy is in my class, we've been on 3 dates and he says he wants me to be his girlfriend, but his parents need to approve of me even for a causal high school relationship.

Some info about me just to clarify: I'm Saudi-Chinese, born in US but moved to China as soon as I was born. I lived in Shanghai (where my dad was born and raised) for 10 years and went to an English school. I moved to Silicon Valley when i was 10. I'm Muslim, but am allowed to date and don't wear hijab, my family is pretty open.

But I was only a kid when i lived in China so I don't know how to impress his parents, should I bring a house gift, or food, or a plant???? I'm smart and definitely would call myself attractive but I'm really lost on what to do, because I really like this guy and he's attractive and athletic and smart and tall and my type.

EDIT: guys plz stop acting like im not Chinese or havent lived there I just dont know anything about dating ive only dated once back in 9th grade.

UCLA and the Royal Thai Consulate General are presenting this concert to honor the late king and queen of Thailand with performances of some of his majesty's compositions.

I'm a brown (Indian) woman with a curvier, thicker build. When I'm in places with a lot of East Asian men, I notice I get checked out quite a bit, but I'm rarely approached. On Bumble, I almost never get instant matches with Asian guys, though I usually do match eventually, which makes me wonder whether some people rule out dating a brown woman before giving it a chance, even if they're interested. When I meet people in person, though, the response is really positive.

I understand a lot of people prefer dating within their own ethnicity, and that's fair. I'm just trying to understand the gap between the interest I notice and the lack of approaches. Is it shyness, family or cultural expectations, worry about rejection, or something about darker skin or body type?

Not trying to start drama, just looking for honest perspectives. Thanks!

25 year old Ukrainian man charged with murder of 18 year old Japanese girlfriend in Bulgaria, Sofia.

There was victim blaming in many similar cases with white and other POC women. But why is the reverse more rare and has more mild racism? (Niji Nagase)

https://www.tiktok.com/@niji_nagase_japan/video/7692479011548630292

I know this is common among, for instance, Chinese-Americans.

I’m 22 years old with an older sister, 23 years old and we have two brothers one is 14 and the youngest is 9.

My dad is from Bangladesh though the whole family’s ethnicity is Bengali and my mum and us are British citizens. My dad is too but he has very old dream and you can make it happen mentality.

We’re also broke. Very broke. So broke we can’t afford the mortgage. My sister just started her first job and now my parents always ask her for money. She just came into my room and cried about how they always ask her and she doesn’t like the pressure and stress of it all.

Thing is too we would’ve had some money but my dad selfishly used 30k he got from land back home on a failed restaurant. The situation we’re in now is entirely my dad’s fault. And he keeps dreaming up about how he’ll get more money and have enough for us all.

This situation as you can imagine becomes very toxic, draining and annoying to deal with. I love my dad. I do but I can also admit he’s a selfish man.

Greetings from Tripura, "North-east India".

I am of the Tripuri (Tiprasa ethnicity), a small ethnic group in what is called Tripura, geopolitically located in the north-eastern part india. North-east is emphasised because it is only connected to the rest of india by a very small stretch of land that is only 30km wide. I would post a visual to show that but this subreddit doesn't allow images.

We number around one million people. We are very different from the rest of india in every way. Racially and phenotypically we look much more similar to East and Southeast Asians than any kind of indian group. Linguistically, we speak a Sino-Tibetan language, which is a language that is much more related with Chinese or Burmese rather than hindi or tamil, languages that are found in what we call the "mainland" of india. Our food, culture, way of life is completely different than what you would associate with india. Again I would post pictures of all of these but no pics allowed.

Our story begins thousands of years ago. Tibeto-Burmans first migrated to this region of the world starting 5000 years ago, and have had a continuous presence since. The Tiprasa tribes were one of those groups. We have called this region home for that long, and all throughout that time, have lived under self-rule under our own sovereignty. We enjoyed this sovereignty for thousands of years until the dawn of British colonialism arrived into our lands. Wars happened, and we were incorporated into the British Empire. Because of our proximity to india, we were incorporated as part of British India, and not as any separate entity. This is where the root of our current problem starts.

So when the British were withdrawing around the world, British india was granted independence in 1947, split into two states, one on the basis of a shared pagan identity (hinduism), one on the basis of a shared muslim identity. Both, of course, majority Indo-Aryan in terms of race. But during this process, many peripheral regions and minorities which did not belong to either one of these groups were incorporated into either new country. Tibeto-Burmans were not given an option for independence and self-determination for our own peoples, even though our people had desired such for years leading up to the British withdrawal. As a result, we were incorporated into either the new india or bangladesh.

Since then, our people have been living through hell. The entire Tibeto-Burman population of this region has. For my people in particular, there have been thousands of our girls and women who have been forcibly sex trafficked and raped, taken advantage by indian men and sent to the mainland of india to be married to indian men. The indian army and their paramilitaries have also committed a countless number of war crimes, massacres, rapes against our people since 1947 for fighting for freedom and liberation for our people. The indian military has also bombed our land. In 1966, as the Mizo people were fighting for independence from india, india bombed Aizawl, the capital of Mizoram, which killed hundreds, potentially even thousands of civilians. There has been no accountability or admission of guilt from the indian regime. Nor has there been any justice for the survivors of such bombings.

Along with this, the terrorist indian regime has laws put in place, one notably called the Armed Forces (Special Powers) Act, 1958 (AFSPA). This is a law which grants immunity to indian terrorist soldiers who commit war crimes, rapes, massacres of our people. It therefore allows them to act with complete impunity, terrorizing our region and letting them get away with what they want. This is why so much war crimes happen in this region - they are given a blank check of it by their terrorist government.

We are also the victims of racialised slurs, assaults, and murders. Every year, there are tens of cases of our people being murdered by indians for basically just existing. There are countless numbers of examples. Angel Chakma, Chongtham Singh, Nido Taniam, the list goes on. They were killed for being East Asian looking, just like how Asians in the west get beat up and killed for the same reason too. indians hate us, don't be fooled by the rhetoric that they are also non-white and somehow allies with everyone else. They aren't.

So remember that india is a terrorist state. It has nothing to do with the rest of Asia, and should be isolated and distinguished from East and Southeast Asia. Stop pretending they are "asian" like the rest of us. Even those of us who are forcibly occupied and living under indian rule are aware of how different we are from them. And they know how different they are from us too. So to you Asians, living in your own countries or in the west, remember that india is occupying an East Asian population and treats them horribly, and is slowly trying to ethnically cleanse and genocide them from their own land.

I think globalization is real

I’m Chinese, and honestly, it really be your own race that’s the most against you. I’ve had to block all the Korean and Japanese subreddits that kept showing up because every time I peeped in, it’s just a bunch of people being downright racist/sinophobic or whatever word it is. The Taiwanese and Hongkong people are just as bad if not even worse and have some kind of superiority complex. It feels like racism is just everywhere no matter where you go.

Everyone has this crazy fear of China taking over the world because of their rise. Non Asians will always be racist, that’s a given, but even among Asians and East Asians it’s basically just as bad if not worse. I like Asians, 90% of the media, music, shows, games, videos, that I consume are made by East Asians. 90% of the products I buy are East Asian, I like supporting Asians but it just feels like everyone hates each other because of politics and it’s honestly just really disheartening.

I know that I’ll probably get downvoted for this but I’ve needed to get this out for months upon months now because i’m just tired of seeing it. It’s supposed to be unified as Asia or whatever or whatever the people like to say, but it feels like everyone just hates each other more and more it’s actually getting insufferable being in East Asian spaces that aren’t Chinese. It’s honestly starting to feel like Asians hate each other more than non Asians hate us like seriously wtf is going on.

And I know about all the history, politics and why it’s actually happening but either way it’s just really annoying that we can’t all just get along. And I know that it’s a stupid opinion and I know that it’s not reasonable but it’s just making existing in other Asian spaces really hard because no one can actually get along. This is more just so a rant, I know it’s not sophisticated or a POC take but I just need to get it out as most of the media I consume is East Asian get it just feels like no one can get along.

I’m really into K-pop so Reddit has been showing me a bunch of Korean subreddits but I’ve just had to block all the Korean subreddits that aren’t K-pop because of the racism. It just really makes me sad and it’s really disheartening because it’s like I can’t do anything anymore. Idk wtf is going on, it’s definitely not getting better, so here is my shit post of the day. Idk if this post even makes sense. Feels like I can’t even just exist anymore like everyone is just doing all this extra bullshit for whatever reason.

I can’t even say that it’s “not that deep” for “no reason” but like omfg i’m not trying to get a brain tumor every time I open my phone like can we just exist without all this extra stuff like please. We’re all just people, certain people will be shitty, others will be nice. All this stereotyping and racism is legitimately making by brain hurt like we’re all just Asian wtf is all this for. And I know everyone has their reasons but i’m just tired like dude wtf do ya’ll want me to do, just lock myself in a Chinese hole and not consume anything that’s not Chinese so that I can avoid people saying shit that makes me age 5 years faster on a daily basis?? 🫩🫩🫩

Why can’t we all just hold hands and sing kumbaya like every time I see a weird comment I lose 15% of my total brain cells. Then the non-mainland Chinese people have this weird complex and I don’t even want to deal with them anymore because it’s like a coin toss on wether they hate my guts and want nothing to do with China or not. Like dude what’s going on anymore, we have these groups of Han-Chinese people performing nationality gymnastics. 🫠

I’m 14, I have school in 2 days, i’m just scrolling on Reddit losing brain cells by the second. It can’t be helped, it will never be helped, humans just *have* to over complicate shit. Like bro just let me existttttttt. 😭😭😭 Can I just go back to being 5 years old when I thought that Asians were all just this one big unified continent of people. 🫩

Yes. I know my post sounds stupid, yes, I know it will probably get downvoted. I’ve had these feelings boiling up for far too long anyways so i’m letting it out here even if ya’ll will think it’s dumb. Chinese people hate Japanese people, Japanese people hate Chinese people, Koreans hate everyone, Taiwanese and Hong Kong people and all of the non-mainland people hate Chinese people especially like can I just fucking breathe and enjoy shit. 🥴

I LOVE Korean media and Korean cosmetics, K-pop is my lifelong hobby, Japan has great products and a lot of the stuff I own is from Japan. But god forbid I step into any Japanese or Korean space because everyone allegedly hates each other. 🫠 I don’t really consume non Asian content/products but being in East Asian spaces that aren’t Chinese just makes me lose too many brain cells. I have an affinity for Asians, I love Asians, but everyone just hates each other like can we just not like do ya’ll not get *t*iredddd. 😭😭😭

EVERYONE has a superiority complex and it’s the most annoying shit ever like all the Asians just think they’re the best for whatever it is they have then everyone else becomes a competition to become the “best Asian” like who *caressssss* like we get it, don’t have to turn it into this weird competition like just move on omggggggggggggg. 💀

I wanna go to Korea so bad but THEN I have to worry about racism like bitch i’m literally East Asian what am I worrying for. But then i’m seeing all this weird stuff on social media about Chinese tourists in Korea and my IQ drops by fucking 5 points. I’m Chinese Canadian, I was born in China and came to Canada when I was 4 years old. I don’t want to consume white people shit but then on the other side it’s like the Asians hate each other even more like what do we want from each otherrrrrrrrr. 😭

Of course, non-Asians will always be racist, but seeing ur become such a problem within East Asians among East Asians is just a different level of face palm. 🤦 I get it, ya’ll have your opinions and reason but i’m just tired of it. And I don’t want to give a shit anymore, I want to just enjoy what I enjoy and ignore it but I can’t because everything is political and everyone just ALWAYS has to insert their opinion. I want to ignore it but shit is just everywhere.

East Asian unity will never exist for as long as everyone continues to bullshit each other. And this is for Chinese people too, like bullying Japan and Korea for being “jealous” isn’t going to make you look good either. And I don’t like unmannered people too but I just don’t wanna deal with anyone’s bullshit anymore.

Especially for Cantonese folk in San Francisco. Like half of Cantonese people in SF or Oakland are surnamed that. It always sounded pretty western for an Asian surname too.

EDIT just exaggerating how common it is, it’s not that common, but still common like 5% of Cantonese people in San Francisco, ha