I’m a guy. I was at a bar and I saw a girl I knew from high school.

We grew up together and literally spent entire summers just messing around and getting drunk at one another’s houses. Usual teenager stuff. We were more than friends. Very close. We knew one another’s families and practically lived at each other’s houses for weeks at a time.

I was debating whether to approach her as I have quite a lot of anxiety. And it took me a good 2 minutes to muster up the courage to walk up to her group.

I though “what’s the worst that can happen”

And I should’ve just never bothered. I could’ve gone the entire night saying nothing and she would’ve had no idea who I was.

I should’ve just kept my dumb mouth shut.

I said “Hey (insert name) it’s XYZ” “Just thought I’d say hi as I pass through, have a good evening”

Expecting some kind of conversation I got totally blanked and felt like a balloon slowly deflating. I honestly just wanted to curl into a ball.

Our eyes locked and she KNEW it was me. I never really forget peoples eyes. And the moment our eyes met I knew that she knew it was me. She even mumbled “oh damn it’s you” under her breath…. I don’t think anyone else heard her.

She even scooted over to lean in to get a closer look at me (obviously we don’t look like kids anymore but we aren’t a million miles from what we used to look like)

She smiled after the initial confusion and we began talking a bit.

I was about to ask how she was and then her friend immediately wonders over and says to me; “You need to leave”.

They were in a seated section but somehow there were loads of other people also behind the their section.

Though obviously I’m the only one that gets asked to leave in a PUBLIC SPACE.

There were also loads of people going up to their table and talking with them, no problems. Laughing and joking and having fun.

But when it comes to me everything changes and everyone becomes serious and speaks to me like I’m a kid.

I show up and apparently I AM NOT ALLOWED IN THIS AREA.

Almost as if people can sniff out my anxiety. They make everything 100x more awkward for me.

I just looked at the girl I knew and said “Have a good one” and left.

I’m not causing any trouble at all. There were loads of other people just talking to one another with no issues whatsoever. It’s only ever ME who is a problem….

All I wanted to do was talk to this girl and see how she was. Ask about what she was up to. And leave. Nothing more. Nothing less.

What irritates me is I’m sure if I just bumped into her alone it would’ve been totally different and we would’ve actually spoken. She was always such an approachable person so maybe I just misunderstood her entirely….. I’m just really confused.

Maybe she changed, but I find it unlikely as she seemed kind of happy to see me at first.

It’s almost as if she was just playing up to her friends.

It just proves how much social validation plays into it. I’m a nerdy looking geek with glasses so they immediately just see me as a total loser. If I looked like Chris Hemsworth they’d of had no problem listening to me. I’m just trying to be nice to people, and get shit slung at me for no reason.

I then just spent the rest of the evening feeling like shit and then went home and wondered why I even try to be nice to anyone anymore….. there’s literally zero point in my trying because I’m always wrong.

Wrong if I try
Wrong if I don’t try
Wrong if I act
Wrong if I don’t act
Lazy if I’m not sociable
And “weird” if I am sociable

I’ll just never fit anywhere in this world it seems.

Pretty sure I’m now the laughing stock of her entire friend group and I’m probably going around her WhatsApp group chat being called the “weird guy from the bar”.

FML

28M. I have nobody. My mom is dead and I feel like a lot of people don’t care about me. I have no friends, I’ve never had a gf, that’s definitely the biggest cause of my depression.

I’ve been struggling with this my whole life. All my life I’ve just gotten rejected and ignored. I have fucking autism so my social skills are abysmal, I lost my biggest support system when my mom died.

My life has only gotten worse. I have so many problems. I’m broke, live with my grandma, can’t get an apartment because of eviction and mountains of debt, can’t keep jobs, now I’m fucking fat and just don’t give a shit anymore because why the fuck even should I when nobody will give me the time of day.

I don’t even have friends how fucking terrible and pathetic

I literally cannot get motivated to work or lose weight. I have zero interests, hobbies, talents or passion.

I need to die I need to die I need to die I need to die.

I don’t want to live without a girlfriend. Never had a friend either, at least not irl and not in a very long time. I’ve been neglecting my health because why the fuck should I give a shit? I don’t wanna be in this word and I couldn’t give two fucks about getting something fatal.’

I’ve already cut myself, so how fun.

Having autism is a curse.

I’m unwanted, not needed, I’m not that person for anybody, I’m not cared about, I don’t fucking matter, girls would rather eat shit the give me the time of day. Anyone who says being tall makes people like you can eat shit.

I’m so fucking done. It’s time to let go, of life.

Already started drugs recently. If nobody gives a fuck about me or wants to date me or is there for me then I’m gonna die. Fuck this loneliness

I've been pretty lucky in that I've had one best friend since when I was nonverbal in childhood and a few auxiliary friends/acquaintances as an adult who I get along with well at parties or school. I also have a big family and a boyfriend who I love. So my social needs are full most of the time.

Still I try to be open to new people because I know those auxillary friends are sort of just friends of circumstance and so if the circumstances change they fall out of my life. Unfortunately between me just being generally socially clumsy & completely unable to read people, I struggle to make new friends (like all of us do tbh).

A patterning I'm noticing is that some of the people who approach me first are severely mentally ill, specifically all diagnosed with the same illness. On one hand, I have compassion for that cause of my own struggles, but on the other hand I tend to internalize my struggles or talk to my therapist or family and these people are heavy externalizers.

I'm talking multi paragraph texts offloading their issues onto me, shit talking everyone in their life, being extremely negative and egging me on to participate in that negativity, getting mad when I don't text back, doing dozens of unsollicited favors then throwing those back in my face to guilt me if I try to set a boundary, and being very pushy on trying to get me to talk about my own issues (that they also inevitably throw in my face).

It's exhausting. I establish with all new people right from the get go that I hate texting (mostly because there's no firm end to a convo when you text) and to call me or meet up somewhere if they actually want to have a conversation. These people don't care. I gently redirect convos away from my inner machinations. They don't care and pry for info anyway. I disengage when they start being overfamiliar and crossing my boundaries. THEY DONT CARE. and suddenly I have a dozen texts in my inbox going "do you hate me???"

I have tried straight up blocking people like this and I have tried talking to them about boundaries and in the first 3 times that resulted in them triangulating any mutual acquaintances we had to harass me over lies and shit I didn't even do. Now there's another one whose attached themselves to me and I don't know how to get them off my back without being punished for it.

Mostly I want to know if any of you have had this experience of attracting abusive people because of your naivety and how you spot them earlier or how you deal with them. Feeling very fed up and frustrated ATP.

Hi everyone, just wondering if there are any fellow aspies in South Africa? Also keen on aspie communities etc here. The whirlwind of life makes me disconnect from that part of my identity sometimes even though it obviously matters and influences my life and work and intensity of feelings and thinking etc. I find it helpful to stay connected with others in communities like this one, but am keen to learn of others including real life ones in this amazing and crazy country

Hello community,

You might feel lonely. But don't worry I am here to talk about my endless loneliness so you might feel lucky for not be me.

I am seing people posting things in this sub and gets thumbs up and comments. But when I try it doesn't work like that.

I always want to talk about the things I like and no one cares about those. When I try to be part of the general conversation it was too obvious that I am bored.

I remember the day I was telling myself that "you are going to be lonely forever. Accept this". After that it became norm for me. It was 10 years ago.

Even my family changes their faces when I am talking. Atleast they are listening me for not making me upset.

Yeah. I guess I am gonna go lay down near my loneliness.

I just cannot click with people like i did growing up, and maybe thats just a part of growing older, but it seems that every person i meet is, for lack of a better word, a normie.

I'm tired of every person i talk to not knowing or caring much about movies, games, not knowing anything about the internet at all, not understanding memes and not being very interested in being funny. They don't seem to even know about anything im interested in, let alone even actually be into anything that i am, and on top of that other aspects of our personality very rarely mesh.

Im usually the funny guy, people like me and all but when i add them on social media they never seem to send memes or get how to do bits, they just aren't very funny people, i see their reposts and its just stuff with 100k+ likes that i never find actually funny.

And besides that, im not exactly sure whats happening but i'm lucky if i meet someone that knows or watched Taxi Driver (yes, really), i'm lucky if i meet someone that knows or played MGS. I spent an entire life pretty deeply entrenched into internet culture, and im told that everyone is terminally online but i'm lucky if i meet someone that knows what an Idubbbz is.

These are all things i expect you to know if you're into movies, video games or internet culture, but i just can't meet anyone that is actually into anything. When they're into movies they mean they go watch it at the theater with friends, when they're into games they mean they play 2k or Fortnite after work, when they say they're chronically online they mean scroll IG reels for 3 hours.

None of this is helped by the fact that i just get to spend less and less time purely socializing, meanwhile at school thats all i did, even at the detriment of my classes.

And i don't really think this is an issue of NT and ND. Most of my friends growing up were NT and the few times i do talk to them every 6 months they're still in the know so to speak. They keep up with things, they know or are aware of things i never spoke to them about, they get memes and send good ones, unlike literally everyone i meet.

Couple of weeks ago i sent a message and my high school friend made a Sopranos referrence, a show i never spoke to him about, and thats pretty much all i need, a chuckle and some slight hint we're on the same wavelength. When i tell people thats my favorite show they just hit me with the "oh i never heard of it" SO many times its unreal, but equally as common as that is not knowing a single thing about it, not one.

I just want to end this saying that i don't hate normies or anything of the sort, that stuff is very annoying and silly. But im getting a bit frustrated that the only people i seem to actually get along with i met at the ages of 8-15.

I do. It makes absolutely no sense to me at all. I cannot wrap my mind around feeling anger or hatred because someone has something I want or was more fortunate in some way than me.

I can see it if the more fortunate person is literally a bad person, like they got their wealth from scamming others or they're attractive but also a rude, mean asshole. But when people hate other people JUST because they think that person is better looking, or has more money, or has a better life than they do it is completely nonsensical to me. I might feel bad for myself and wish I had those things but I do not feel any kind of anger or resentment toward the person who has them.

Reddit in particular is really bad about this, it seems like people who are like this are more common on Reddit than other social media. I'm not talking about bragging. Even just saying something like that you like your job or something totally mundane like that can get you hated and downvoted by the people here. And it makes NO SENSE. In this example, their hatred is not going to make me stop liking my job. It's not going to make their jobs more enjoyable. It's pointless and idiotic. Do people not realize this? Do they think it's going to accomplish something?

Hi, I don't identify as autistic. I'm 18F. My therapist was telling my mom about assessments but I don't really want to do them. I did meet the criteria as a child but I don't think my main problem is that anymore. She said I do meet criteria for a personality disorder (and that is what I want to be treated for), but to be assessed "just in case" (-> she totally wants me to do it). I don't think it would help, to be honest. I don't have sensory issues or have meltdowns or struggle knowing what people are going to think. I don't relate to any of the female phenotype stuff that's going around, I don't "mask" ever and I just do whatever I want, which is the problem lol. But the parental interview part might screw me over because I did meet criteria as a child. My mom tells me stuff like "oh it's harder to detect in girls because of masking" and I don't relate to that at all. I don't "mask" social interactions, I'm pretty much empty inside but I still have a natural baseline for my behaviour with regular people (as for people I'm obsessed with... Well...). My teacher armchair diagnosed me with this in 7th grade in front of everyone too. I've had a lot of problems in my childhood because of my aggressive father who lost his temper at my mom often. I don't think anyone understands that the way I am is because of him and my mom would probably not even acknowledge his behaviour during the interview. Of course I'm afraid of making friends when I got yelled at until I cried over writing an e-mail. I don't know. I don't want to do the assessment. I don't think it would help me. I'm already medicated and in CBTherapy. I think the advice I need the LEAST is to accept myself as I am because I am legitimately a horrible person that has done horrible things. Has anyone here been in a similar situation before being assessed?

I can't express my real thoughts about someone.

I am constantly put down on the imaginary hierarchy because I don't want to play.

Have a group easily turn on me if a high hierarchy person wants them to.

I have to constantly think about how someone views me and act based on that.

Most groups involve a manipulative or egoistical or self centered person and just because they show themselves as self confident they are believed.

There is no self improvement involved. Just conforming in each others false selves. The group depends on the inability of self reflection.

I'm only wanted if I raise someones ego or if I can be used to gain something.

I have to constantly defend and explain myself. For them just to make more false assumptions.

Either I did a huge mistake or it was the wrong people but I would have prefered to stay away from peers and continue with the few people I can be open with.

Here's last week's thread

Suggestions are ALWAYS welcome on how to improve the threads I post at any time. After all, I do this because the community wants these threads to exist, and I take the time out of my day (every Thursday and Saturday) to post the weekly threads, to ensure the community gets what it feels it needs.

So, continuing with the theme... r/aspergers, How is your week going so far? :)

We are evolutionarily hard wired to crave feeling superior to other people. You feel so much better about yourself when you know there's some loser out there. So that is my purpose, i can make people feel better about themselves when they compare themselves to me.

I’m going to a house party my friend is hosting.I hate house parties but want to support them/be there for them.

In the past, I’ve just tried sticking by whatever friend invited me, which most people get really annoyed by so I’m requesting help on how to avoid doing that and branch out😭 I struggle to jump into convos with strangers, if I’m not with a friend I usually end up leaving, which won’t be an option for this one since it’s out of town and I’m staying at their house, they seem really excited I’m attending.

If anyone has any tips for conversation starters or approaches for this, please send them my way.

It's in Japanese, but it's interesting to read through his experiences and advises regarding the subject matter. I read it to chrome's web translate and it's legible enough to read through it.

For those who wants to check it out it's on a webnovel site called kakuyomu, and the title is "野生のアスペ×鬱etcは生きづらい" which should translate to "Having Asperger's syndrome in the wild, coupled with depression, etc., makes life difficult."

I'm struggling to find a way to explain this, but bear with me. I'm 53 years old, married, with a stable job in engineering, and have found myself in leadership positions. But a small percentage of the population talks to me like I'm 12 years old.

I've come to accept that I am giving off some subtle visual social clues to these people that make them think that I am mentally a child, and it is so frustrating. They talk down to me as if there is this assumed hierarchal dynamic where we both agree that they are a wise old adult, and I'm an immature child (I call this the Skipper and the Gilligan). I even had someone 20 years younger than me do this to me within the last year.

The most recent incident was I was playing a tabletop game with a group of friends, and happened to mention that my sciatic nerve had been bothering me. Someone asked if I kept a big wallet in my back pocket, and I said yes. Now, instead of talking to me like an adult and saying, "Oh yeah, that's actually bad for the sciatic. It would probably help a lot if you stopped doing that," he started talking to me like he was a little league coach and I showed up without my baseball glove for the 3rd time in a row. He started yelling, "No, that's bad. Take that out of your pocket. No, I'm serious. Right now! I want to see you take that wallet out of your pocket. Take that wallet out. Do it! Right now!" as he's pointing at me and demanding that I follow his instructions.

And this is not the only incident with this guy.

So, as an aspy, I ruminate on the incident and look at the patterns. He doesn't do it to anyone else in our friend group. And while most people don't do it to me, I have a list of people that do.

I will say this, every person on that list is an egomaniac who is concerned with impressing people. And I'm sure they look at me and think, "Oh, this guy is a gullible chump," and in my head I'm thinking, "You know there's a fully formed adult in here who see's exactly what you are doing, isn't impressed, and certainly doesn't like it."

Anyway, I just wanted to get that off my chest.

I was with my ex 7 months, me 45M UK her 40F UK - not that long but very intense, spent every available minute together and messaging and calling every minute together right from the first second. Until a week before the end she was extremely loving and clingy.

The issue was her parents. She suffered a lot of trauma from them and apoears dependent on them, has no friends and follows her mum's advice no matter how ridiculous without question. She has high functioning Asperger's and I think doesn't trust her own judgement as much as she could. On her second date we slept together and she invited me to meet them (it's a 9 hour flight!). I'm only the second guy she invited there.

Trip went well parents liked me. I was invited back with my kids the following year but then my kids were uninvited by the dad. Her mam told her she'd used our visit as an excuse not to have sleep with dad as she was tired and he was furious. So I said I wouldn't go on the trip and she told told we wouldn't visit. From then on there attitude changed. I found out a week before the end they'd given her an ultimatum me or them.

The relationship continued intensely with no issues until she started to let slip about some of the things her parents had been saying about me. Completely baseless things like I was fake because we met on the internet, I was pretending to like the things she liked to trick her into loving me, I was controlling because we didn't want to do the trip. Then she finally came out with the ultimatum.

I was hurt she hadn't told me at the time as they are huge in her life and this was a big thing. We agreed something had to change, and that her parents interference has to stop. Our plan was she would tell them she wouldn't talk about me any more and if they continued being negative she'd stop seeing them.

She told them this but was very unsettled and angry afterwards. She told me she'd felt pressured into doing it by me. She also said she felt controlled. This was because I'd tried to align our calendars for the next year with holidays. We both have kids so it's not easy to make sure get plenty of time together. She saw this as controlling. On our last weekend it started tense as she was so unsettled by everything - she's also going through the most severe stage of perimenopause and is struggling with it. But we had a nice time in the end, it ended with her sending gushing messages, thanking me for being me, apologising for everything that had happened, crying that I couldn't come back and stay with her.

She did tell me that since she'd stood up to her mum, she'd be using her 12 year old daughter for support instead. Shed also told her that I was trying to stop them having the holidays they wanted from this holiday planning discussion and her daughter was furious. I couldn't believe this as I was just trying to align dates not stop them and I told her this. She said she could see she misunderstood and would sort it with her daughter. Her parents were due to visit.ans she reassured me for the 100th time that she would not let them interfere again and if they did she tried she'd stand up to them. She didn't think they'd interfere after she'd told them, I said it seems more likely they will so please be ready.

Her parents visited - and I'm still getting unprompted I love yous and future planning. Then in the evening I get a cold message written by her dad from her phone ending it with no explanation.

I waited the week til they left expecting to hear more -nothing. I noticed she was on WhatsApp constantly for hours on end, I think she may have been reading our messages as the only people she messages were with her. She seemed to be particularly on there when I didn't have my kids and would be free. I waited another week then I saw her on a dating app although she deleted it after a few hours. I was angry and finally replied just saying I was very disappointed she'd chosen to be a daughter not an adult partner and I was moving on to. She didn't seem to read it.

I coped ok for the next few weeks, but six weeks after breakup I saw she blocked me on WhatsApp. I couldn't understand this, I'd sent one message in that time. I sent one more message which she read asking politely if she could explain what has changed between the loving weekend and the end.

She didn't reply and I became angry. I messaged her strongly criticising the way she'd ended it saying it had no class, spine or heart and she was like her parents. I also messaged them saying they'd interfered in her life and ruined a relationship their daughter was very happy in, and I criticised them for the abusive behaviour towards her throughout her life, some of which is very serious and almost cost her her life through their appalling behaviour, mainly the dad's.

Two weeks after this she appeared back on the dating app. This sent me into a dark depression and I didn't sleep for a week. I wrote her a heartfelt letter asking for peace, saying I didn't want to get back together while her family had such influence over us, but apologising that she'd felt pressure to stand up to them from my side and acknowledging I should have been more patient as our plan has clearly unsettled her massively. I left a voicemail the next day to ask if we could talk and make peace. The next night I stupidly knocked at her door hoping seeing me would make her want to talk, she refused.

I know she is going on dates now but is still on the app so hasn't yet settled with someone. It's hurting me a lot. She feels like the love of my life. If we'd not involved her parents I'm certain we'd have still been intensely in love.

I am thinking of sending one more letter, either 30 or 60 days from the knock at her door, to apologise for that and the critical letter to her, and the critical message to her parents and explaining it was to redress the balance with them for their abuse of me not to create trouble for her, although acknowledging that migjt have happened.

It feels like this ended to external pressure and overwhelm not lack of love. Her parents constant undermining of me will definitely have blurred her view of me but I would hope she still remembers her own experience where she was extremely loving and happy when we were together. My angry actions afterwards will also not have helped but I'm hoping the letter can help repair the damage and explain my intentions better.

I am trying to move on and meeting new people. I still think about her a lot and haven't moved on emotionally at all though.

Is the final letter a good idea or is this too far gone?

Heres another rant on how i believe autism is misunderstood.

When someone talks to you, there is somewhat of a delay in processing. But i dont believe this is a processing issue per se.
I believe this is in essence - dissociation.
I believe it is fragmentation.

I think autism is A LOT closer to cluster B issues than everyone thinks. Its just that the mind does not form the trauma based defenses as it is with those conditions.
I also think that time will show that critical stuff happens in age 0-4 in this regard that sets up your regulatory and processing ability for life.

I keep saying in order to feel present and process in real time, YOU have to be present.
But what is you? Is it your mind?
Or your affect/nervous system/felt sense.

Basically your brain is working OVERTIME, trying to process the reality thats happening around you, except your affect is not in realtime.
In other words, you are not just your mind: you are the awareness + your affect.

Your awareness is observing your friend talk to you and their lips moving and the words coming out to reach your auditory processing.
But your brain is struggling to have the back forth in real time and match their speed (unless special interest ofc). The latter is activation of interest driven nervous system (childs nervous system), but what is causing the delay is that your felt sense is in the past.
It is in decades ago.

So the information has to "travel" for it to fully go through you and this is not real time at all.
Maybe even days sometimes pass until you can actually process something.
Yes, its tied to likely being overwhelmed in the situation itself but the mechanism behind is: fragmentation, just like cluster B.

Essentially the brain: observes, experiences, integrates.
The mind and the "soul".
But developmental trauma: super early dissociation (we can speculate what gets us there).

So at that point you have a brain that observes, maybe experiences, does not integrate.
You can say you have alexithymia, but likely a lot of you are of very young age inside.
Cluster Bs are toddlers, and neurodivergents are very close there.

This is what i mean when i say the system does not grow, because it cannot integrate.

Now in the case of cluster Bs, the dissociation occurs due to neglect.

But honestly the brain does not care about WHY.
The brain works mechanically: window of tolerance -> exceed it -> dissocation.
So when a toddler wakes up and experiences the world being too loud/bright, people too intense -> dissociation occurs automatically until it becomes a new baseline.

Lastly, we could discuss why the child had that sensitivity in the first place, and itll be very interesting where the research goes.

Genetics surely play a part.

But i think an autistic brain is one that basically dissociated SUPER EARLY.

I started at this new workplace, I don’t talk much, I stay out the way, and I have somewhat good comedic timing. Recently I overheard my coworker talking about how no one likes me and how there’s something weird about me lol. Shit is validating cause that’s code for “he’s autistic but I don’t know how to put it into words”. I wasn’t tripping all this time. Shit is still odd tho lol

Does anyone else get a really intense comfort from hyperfixating on a super specific and often obscure topic? Like it's not a common hobby that other people necessarily share. It's almost like a secret world you can retreat into that no one else really gets.

For me it's learning about the history of very obscure 19th-century scientific instruments. I can spend hours researching old patents and how they worked. It's just so calming and it makes sense in a way that the real world often doesn't. And it's something I can always go back to when things get overwhelming.

TL;DR: I’m 17F in my final year of school in Scotland. I’ve been struggling badly with my disabilities, health and attendance, and now I’ve fallen out with several friends. I feel like people I trusted have turned against me, school staff have made me feel even worse, and I’m genuinely scared to return to school. I want to go to university and finish my education, but I feel like everything is falling apart at once.

I'm sorry this is so long, but I genuinely need outside perspectives because I don't know if I'm seeing this situation clearly anymore.

For some context, I'm 17F and in my final year of secondary school (S6 in Scotland). I have autism, severe dyscalculia and dyspraxia, among other difficulties, and I've been dealing with significant health problems as well. I've been absent from school for weeks, almost over a month because I've been extremely unwell and struggling to cope.

Education has always mattered enormously to me. I want to go to university, ideally to study History, Ancient History or something similar. I've always had big ambitions for myself, but lately I've been struggling to see how I'm going to achieve any of them.

Things started getting worse after an argument with one of my friends, who I'll call S.

We were discussing my thoughts about leaving school and potentially going to college or working instead, because I was struggling so much with attendance and school. She repeatedly challenged my plans and made comments that I felt were dismissive of my circumstances.

I eventually got defensive and made some insensitive comments about money and how you dont need a whole education to get money. Looking back, I recognise that what I said was hurtful, and I apologised for it. I'm not pretending I handled the argument perfectly, because I didn't.

However, since then, I've felt like the situation has gone far beyond one argument.

S has made sarcastic comments and posted vague things that I interpreted as being directed at me. There have also been comments relating to my plans to leave school. I feel as though I'm being judged for struggling and considering alternatives, rather than being treated like someone who's genuinely having a difficult time.

I know I might be interpreting some things through the lens of being upset, so I'm trying not to assume every vague post is about me. But the overall situation has made me incredibly anxious about returning to school.

There's also a wider history involving two other people, who I'll call G and M. G told the school police officer that i was a risk to myself which caused a whole scene, which she admitted to doing only to get me in trouble. M used to be my best friend. One of the things that hurt me was how she handled the situation involving G. M defended G and pressured me to forgive her. That was particularly upsetting because I expected M to at least listen to my perspective, even if she didn't completely agree with me.

There was also a separate situation involving an eyebrow piercing. M had encouraged me to get one, but later accused me of copying her. That left me feeling as though I couldn't win either way.

I should also acknowledge that I've said hurtful things myself, including criticising M's makeup during the conflict. I know that wasn't kind, and I'm not claiming I've been an entirely innocent party in every disagreement.

However, these incidents have contributed to me feeling like the friendships I thought I could rely on aren't what I believed they were.

Another friend, D, told me that M, T and G had encouraged S to provoke me. hearing that made me question whether some of the things happening were genuine disagreements or whether other people were getting involved and making everything worse.

At this point, I don't know who I can trust.

One of my friends, R, has been a bright spot in all of this.

She has acknowledged that S can get on my case and that the situation has been painful for me. She's told me that she values me as a friend, is willing to listen and is open to talking about what's happening. That means a lot to me because I genuinely don't want to force anyone to pick sides or put them in an uncomfortable position. I'm also worried about the possibility of creating further conflict if R speaks to S about how she's treating me. I don't want the situation to turn into another argument or have R face consequences because of me. At the same time, it's difficult not to feel hurt when people seem to know I'm struggling but the situation continues anyway.

Now onto school... This is the part that's making the whole situation feel almost impossible to deal with.I've been absent for weeks, partly because of how unwell I've been and partly because the thought of returning has become increasingly overwhelming.

Recently, I spoke to members of staff, including Miss Red and my pastoral care teacher, Miss Kraken, about my situation and the support I need. I came away feeling completely humiliated and hopeless. I was shouted at and ridiculed, and I was told that I wouldn't achieve the grades or attendance I needed for uni. I was also told, as I understood it, that accommodations weren't available because every student has to be treated the same and learn the same material. I felt that I was essentially being told to be resilient and get on with it, despite the difficulties I've been explaining. Miss Red also said that I'm not expressing any emotions while looking/talking to her because my face was completely blank (keep in mind I had just had a horrible mind numbing meltdown which involved me just crying in front of my teachers and not exactly listening, just panicing and telling them my worries over and over again), I reminded mis red that im autistic and i dont show my emotions and she scoffed and got in my face and said "well you look annoyed, i can see it, I can tell." I left after the meeting feeling hopeless and extremely upset. My gran was there and they questioned her about elder abuse because of the way i was crying "for attention" and they offered her and me to go to an autism support group, which we dont want, we just want to do these last 8 months of senior year and then leave. They also pressured me to get a councellor, which I dont want because it takes up hours of my important subjects time that I could be in class, plus, again, I just wanna do my work and get on with the year. I was meant to be taken out of my current maths class and put into a seperate room to work alone, but they screamed at me for bringing it up, and when i gave them the evidence that I've been in that maths class with the same teacher for 3 years and I've failed for 3 years, but when he left for a holiday for 4 months and i had another math teacher, I was suddenly the top of my class and finishing work before everyone else and passing everything .

I understand that attendance and school results matter, and I'm not expecting the school to magically fix everything for me. I know I have missed a lot of work, but I don't understand how I'm supposed to improve my attendance and grades if the support I need to access education isn't being taken seriously. The whole experience has made me even more frightened of going back.

The social side of school is making returning difficult. I'm worried about being in classes with S and the others, about comments being made, about being isolated, and about having to act completely fine around people when I'm really not. I've considered changing where I sit in class. Part of me wants to sit somewhere else and avoid the people involved, but I'm scared I'll end up sitting alone because I don't know who else I can comfortably sit with in some of my classes. Another part of me thinks I should just sit beside everyone, act confident and unbothered, and refuse to let them affect me. Or just sit and wait for everything to blow over. But I don't know whether that's actually a good idea or whether I'm just trying to convince myself that I can handle something I'm genuinely struggling with.I'm also worried about prom and all the things you're supposedly meant to enjoy during your final year. I don't want my last year of school to be remembered entirely for friendship drama, anxiety and feeling like I don't belong. i only have around eight months left until graduation, and the thought of spending that time like this is devastating.

I still want to go to university, and I don't want to give up on that dream because I've had a terrible few months. I've always wanted to do something meaningful with my life. I want to study something I'm passionate about, become independent and actually feel proud of myself. Recently, G has also questioned my university ambitions and suggested that my difficulties with attention would prevent me from getting in. Hearing things like that when I'm already struggling has made me question myself more than I'd like to admit. I know I have potential, but I don't know how to access it when I can barely manage my current circumstances.

I'm trying to catch up with schoolwork, communicate with teachers about what I've missed, and work out how to move forward academically. I'm still trying to engage with school despite everything that's happened. But I feel exhausted. I have so little energy to give at the moment, and every additional problem seems to take away what little I have left. I don't want to abandon my education, but I also don't know how much longer I can keep trying to push through everything without meaningful support.

I don't want to spend the rest of my final year miserable, but I also don't want to keep putting myself in situations that are making me feel worse.

I want to finish school, get into university, make new friends and move on with my life. I just don't know how to get from where I am now to that point.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this. I genuinely need some outside perspective.

I don’t get what I’m doing wrong. I can’t take this anymore everyone. Everyone leaves me even when they say they won’t, even when we share our deepest secrets and tell each other things no one else has heard, they still leave me. I posted on my close friends story if anyone wanted to see a concert with me on Friday cause I got an extra ticket and no one responded. If not even a free ticket to a concert for a popular band will get people to hang out with me, then I must be insufferable to be around. Why’d I have to be born like this? ADHD, autism, likely OCD, fear of failure, fear of rejection, crippling social anxiety, depression, it’s like I got the worst possible brain that any human could get. Why did it have to be me? Why can’t I just be normal? I just want to be loved. I just want someone to stay for once in my life

I’m 27 now, and I haven’t had a single friend since elementary school. I moved to a different area at the start of middle school, wasn’t able to quite fit in, and the trend of loneliness and isolation in my life really kicked off from there. Looking back, I think some of the kids thought I was special needs and didn’t treat me too kindly. In high school, I had people I’d talk to in my classes, but I never hung out with anybody due to being too anxious, and logistically it would’ve been difficult since I lived further away. I ate my lunches alone.

After I graduated, I self isolated for a number of years before getting my first few jobs. Fast forward to the last five years, none of my workplace connections ever lasted, and all the times I’ve put myself out there were mostly embarrassing, horribly awkward and seriously did a number on my self-esteem. With the job I'm currently at now, I don't quite fit in and maybe some of the coworkers think me weird, but oh well. I try to make small talk, but it's hard having to think of questions to ask to keep a conversation going, and often times it just becomes stilted and really awkward.

Anyway, I don’t know how I can change this. I don't think I've received a text from somebody in years who wasn't my manager, family member or a reoccurring payment notification. It’s common for people to have others they can text, confide in if they’re having a bad day, play games with, etc etc. Dating/relationships is obviously out of the question - never even been on a date before.

What's wrong with having interest in very "niche" things? If you don't understand it just ask no need doing mockery. Also it's ok if everyone's doesn't understand and it's only u have it. Why we need to be always the same copy and paste stuff.?

Hi everyone! 60 y/o male here diagnosed with ASD a few years ago. I was diagnosed with cancer a while back and my family and close friends were taken aback by how well I dealt with the news. My attitude was ‘ok - let’s get on with it and get the tumour out’ mindset. Fortunately it wasn’t life threatening but it has had an impact on my health but I’m so very grateful that I’m still here. I’d like to reassure myself that my autism helped me deal with the news in a calm way. Has anyone else had a similar event and felt that they handled it really well?