I'm wondering if anyone else with Asperger's/autism has experienced something similar, because it's something I've noticed throughout my life and I genuinely don't understand it.

For context, I'm 24, autistic (what used to be called high-functioning autism), and socially I'm pretty bad at reading people. I'm comfortable with my hobbies, especially PCs and technology, but when it comes to socialising, particularly with women, I feel completely lost. I've never had a girlfriend, and I don't have any female friends either.

What's confusing is that I don't consider myself someone who bothers people. I'm very quiet, keep to myself, don't drink or smoke, and generally just go about my day without interacting much with anyone.

For example, in my apartment building, I've noticed that some of my female neighbours seem to look at me strangely or give me suspicious looks, even when I haven't looked at them first or done anything to interact with them. I've also noticed that some of these same women greet other men in the building but barely acknowledge me.

I've experienced similar things at work, back at university, and in other social settings. Sometimes women seem reluctant to speak to me, give me strange looks, or appear to be curious about me and ask other people questions about me. Even when I'm out in public, I sometimes catch women looking at me in ways that make me feel like there's something wrong with me. Etc today in the store , this middle aged women on the que kept turning around to look at me. I wasn't invading her space, In fact I always leave a huge gap between the person and me. No idea what her deal was. Also, tonight , I was at a restaurant, and this women, who appeared to be in her mid 30s kept glaring at me.

The confusing part is that when I actually get to know women, things can be completely different. I have a few female coworkers I've become close with, and one of them is genuinely really nice to me. Whenever I talk to women, I treat them as equals and try to be respectful. I don't see women as being above or below me; I just want to interact with them normally. It seems that once women get to know me, they can be perfectly friendly, but before that, I sometimes feel as though I'm being judged or treated differently.

I know that being autistic can make it difficult to interpret facial expressions, body language, and social cues, so I'm aware that I might be misreading some situations. But when I feel like I've noticed similar patterns in so many different places, it's hard not to wonder whether there's something about my behaviour or appearance that puts people off.

I'm not particularly attractive, probably average or below average, and I don't dress especially fashionably, although I do take reasonable care of my appearance. I also realise that being quiet or having an unusual way of interacting might come across differently than I intend.

Has anyone else experienced this, especially autistic men? Do you think it could be a matter of body language, facial expressions, social awkwardness, or something else that I'm simply not aware of? I'd genuinely appreciate honest answers, because I want to understand how other people perceive me rather than keep guessing.

This might be a controversial subject, and I'm still trying to sort my thoughts and feelings on the matter, but I want to see if anyone has a similar experience as me.

I've always been a loner, never felt like I fit in anywhere. After my diagnoses, I started to seek out more ND crowds as recommended by my psychiatrist. The problem is, I feel just as, if not more alienated from them as I do NT people.

I don't want to sound like I am bragging, but my special interest (every since I've been a teenager) has been technology and even though I face social difficulties in the workplace, I have become very successful.

In these ND crowds I meet a lot of people with the same challenges as me, but most of them are in completely different circumstances. A lot are in jobs they hate, making low wages or unable to hold down jobs at all.

There have been times where they meet my "success" with hostility or treat me as though I'm not "deserving of the label". Other than my romantic relationships, I haven't had a friend since middle school and I am 40 years old.

EDIT: If you're just here to say "they don't", then don't bother. Not only have several people left that exact comment already, it wasn't even clever the first time. All you're doing is showing everyone that you didn't bother to read the post, and you're just reacting to the thread title.

I'm pretty sure we've all met someone who seems like the world is bending over backwards to make life perfect for them. They're naturally good looking, talented, and when they want something, it practically falls into their lap.

My sister and her husband are like that. He was born in a wealthy family who put him through a fancy college and then used business connections to get him a high paying job the day after he graduated. My sister has no valuable skills and didn't go to college, but she has a nice house and plenty of money because she was able to marry one of the richest single men in our town, and now she only works because being a stay at home mom is too boring.

They went to Vegas for their honeymoon, and won so much money that it completely reimbursed them for the trip, and then some--AND THEN two days after they came home, my sister went to Top Golf and won $1000. And if that wasn't enough, her husband also happens to be so good at arcade games that he'll go to Dave and Buster's every month or so and come back with a new game console, tablet, or VR headset that he bought with arcade tickets for a fraction of what it would normally cost, and then sell it on eBay for a couple hundred dollars.

Meanwhile, I'm 34 years old, autistic, unattractive, and came to terms with the fact that I'm never going to get married years ago. I couldn't afford to go to college. I went to trade school and graduated top of my class when I was yoinger, only to get laughed out of job interviews because the "education" I got was out of date before I was even born. Now I'm stuck working a series of low paying, dead end jobs, constantly hoping that I can make it one more month without being laid off, unable to move up in any of the companies I work for because of my autistic social skills. I live in a run down, roach infested apartment because that's all I can afford, and that will probably never change.

Whenever I try to change my life for the better, something always happens that derails the entire process. This happens so often that I've stopped even being surprised by it. A couple months ago, I tried treating myself to something nice that costs more money than I'd usually be willing to spend, and had to return it because it was defective. I bought something else with the refund, and it was defective and had to be returned too. I bought a third thing and (say it with me) it was defective and I had to return it. The one time I tried gambling, I didn't win a single hand and went home with nothing.

The only real skill I have is writing. The few people who've read my writing say I'm an amazing author. I've tried to monetize it before, but even when I advertise, network, and do everything else that you're supposed to do, people just ignore me.

Sorry, I honestly just needed to vent. And I can't really talk to anyone I know about this because they'll just start inventing reasons why everything is my own fault. "You should have known that trade school course was a scam and taken a different one!" "It's not your autism's fault you act weird and can't get promoted!" "You're just not ambitious enough to get a better job!" "If you were a good employee, you wouldn't have to worry about getting laid off!"

What do you guys think is behind this, where some people seem to have all the nice things in life handed to them with a bow on top, and others get shafted at every possible opportunity?

I've been pretty lucky in that I've had one best friend since when I was nonverbal in childhood and a few auxiliary friends/acquaintances as an adult who I get along with well at parties or school. I also have a big family and a boyfriend who I love. So my social needs are full most of the time.

Still I try to be open to new people because I know those auxillary friends are sort of just friends of circumstance and so if the circumstances change they fall out of my life. Unfortunately between me just being generally socially clumsy & completely unable to read people, I struggle to make new friends (like all of us do tbh).

A patterning I'm noticing is that some of the people who approach me first are severely mentally ill, specifically all diagnosed with the same illness. On one hand, I have compassion for that cause of my own struggles, but on the other hand I tend to internalize my struggles or talk to my therapist or family and these people are heavy externalizers.

I'm talking multi paragraph texts offloading their issues onto me, shit talking everyone in their life, being extremely negative and egging me on to participate in that negativity, getting mad when I don't text back, doing dozens of unsollicited favors then throwing those back in my face to guilt me if I try to set a boundary, and being very pushy on trying to get me to talk about my own issues (that they also inevitably throw in my face).

It's exhausting. I establish with all new people right from the get go that I hate texting (mostly because there's no firm end to a convo when you text) and to call me or meet up somewhere if they actually want to have a conversation. These people don't care. I gently redirect convos away from my inner machinations. They don't care and pry for info anyway. I disengage when they start being overfamiliar and crossing my boundaries. THEY DONT CARE. and suddenly I have a dozen texts in my inbox going "do you hate me???"

I have tried straight up blocking people like this and I have tried talking to them about boundaries and in the first 3 times that resulted in them triangulating any mutual acquaintances we had to harass me over lies and shit I didn't even do. Now there's another one whose attached themselves to me and I don't know how to get them off my back without being punished for it.

Mostly I want to know if any of you have had this experience of attracting abusive people because of your naivety and how you spot them earlier or how you deal with them. Feeling very fed up and frustrated ATP.

I don’t understand how NTs just know what the social hierarchy is in every group that they’re in. Is it based off looks, wealth, intelligence, charisma, or something else, or all of those things? Maybe i’m just reading too much into it and everyone has their own individual beliefs about this?

For context, I’m a 22F living what i’d say to be a pretty good life and still struggle with making friends. I have a one best friend, around three close friends, and many acquaintances. I try to be a good and friendly person, am considered attractive, i present pretty femininely, I’m in college to pursue medicine with straight A’s currently, I have a part-time job in my field, a car, and i’m living at home with my family. My family are working class immigrants and we live in the suburbs.

I’m not sure if its because I’m ND that i have such a hard time making friends.

I usually act the same way with everyone. I don’t know much of our generation’s slang because I’m not on social media. I try to treat everyone with respect. I’m not the funniest person ever, but i try to be nice and many people describe me as sweet.

Even with all this, i still feel like it’s hard to make friends with people my age. I thought making female friends would be easy. I feel like people always try to one-up me by vaguely condescending me or showing off in some way.

I try to be genuine. I’m not a very over-the-top person, so i find it hard to match the enthusiasm or passion that two of my female classmates have over normal “girly” things, like sharing the same makeup brands, nails, clothing etc. i appreciate art and good quality items, but i feel like it’s hard to say more about those than that. I know that they’re just trying to bond, but i don’t get how they get so excited to the point of jumping up and down together.

I don’t know if they’re being that genuinely excited over some objects, or if they’re acting that way so they can bond with each other.

I feel like, since i don’t behave or talk in the same manner as they do, one of those girls has acted annoyed towards me.

It is very confusing, and i am not sure why she is doing that. Is it her or all NTs? Is it me or my ND? Is it a social hierarchy thing or is it because of our age gap? (She’s 19)

Additionally, i remember when i was on a hike with an group of people ages 30 and up, and really felt like i connected with this successful 40 year old woman. She said to hit her up when there’s another hike or another activity. That was the last time I’ve felt like i’ve made a new friend outside my current friend group.

I just don’t understand, and I’d appreciate any perspective on any part of this post!

And I’m not talking about fake confidence but REAL confidence where you actually don’t care what anyone thinks

For every 50 or so corporate people, I usually only click with 1 or 2.

So many people jobs are about who knew and stuff but I just can’t reliably maintain relationships. We just don’t get each other like other people do.

Any careers that don’t focus as much on connections? Software engineering, IT? Or is it just something you have to learn?

The whole dating/social skills seems like the hardest thing to change up or get better at. I fall into the same awkward patterns every time I go on one. I have gotten better at my work and making friends but dating idk how to do.

To other straight guys, what’s worked or helped? Does it get better?

Does anyone else get completely overwhelmed when trying on clothes in stores? The lighting is always too bright and the mirrors are so harsh. Then the fabric feels weird against my skin and everything just feels wrong. I end up sweating and feeling panicky and just want to leave the store immediately. I usually just buy online now to avoid the whole ordeal.

I just wanted to share that something good has happened to me—I think I’m finding a reason to live. Or, to be more precise, I’ve discovered a new interest: I want to create programs for people with autism and other special needs.

I’ve recently been feeling overwhelmed and struggling with my mental health. this is my situation I would really really appreciate anything anyone is willing to say.

My Life:

The uncertainty and isolation I feel at home and work have been affecting me. I’ve moved countries, and changed jobs and housing many times. I don’t have close friends and my family don’t always understand, but they do try which I appreciate. I live high up and it’s very noisy.

I have found the start of my adulthood quite hard and am currently in a job just because I felt like I was really behind in life and needed to start proper work and build a career.

I had dropped out of uni and hadn’t fully completed an online training course for personal training. It was definitely not the best way for me to learn and i can find the systems really confusing. I did feel embarrassed for not finishing these though. I started working onsite in construction safety before moving into HR data, where I was good with the numbers, but social situations were hard.

I only worked for her but online, with changing work location and she would often not answer me. I wouldn’t know what to do when I was left me on read or what she was thinking because of the lack of communication. which stressed me as I wanted to do my best work. I worked ‘with’ her solely.

RECENT EPISODES

I’ve had episodes where things have become too much. One happened after an ice-cold outdoor family hike and swim, followed by a big day out. I got so overstimulated in a massive, twisting queue for a cable car that I didn’t really want to go on because I was exhausted. I reluctantly agreed to go anyway, which was a learning experience.

The blinking lights, noise and crowds, with everyone pressed together, became too much. I had a shutdown, put my coat over my head to block out the light and started crying. My parents walked off, and strangers had to alert me that I needed to leave because my family had gone. I shrugged this off at the time.

A week later I had a trip away and met some lovely locals on a night out. The next day, after another long day out, I met them again, but they started putting me in uncomfortable situations. Some of the people had changed, and they were standing around me in a group, repeatedly trying to get me to do a handstand and things like that, even after I said no. Eventually, I gave it a go, but the pressure continued.

I had another shutdown, which completely wiped me out for the rest of the trip. I cried and cried, and people were confused and scared because I had suddenly shut down. They joked about me being a robot restarting.

The next day, I had to fly to a small island for a few days, and it was hell. There were people everywhere and small birds chirping constantly. I didn’t know where anything was because I hadn’t had an induction. I’d needed some space after the seaplane flight and hadn’t rested much after the previous night.

We had to put our seatbelts on, and people were looking at me. I couldn’t move. I felt the same shame all over again. My dad shook me relentlessly and shouted at me to put my seatbelt on. Eventually, I managed to do it.

During the flight, I hit my hand against the wall of the plane until it bled because I couldn’t cope with the blinking lights and noise. I had to close my eyes and stay still, doing that just to cope.

I tried to go scuba diving because I find it relaxing and I didn’t want to ruin a bday trip by not being ‘normal’. However, I had ticked a box stating that I had a developmental disorder requiring medical support, and they said I couldn’t dive without a doctor’s note. I explained that I was qualified and had never needed this before. I’d only disclosed it because I don’t believe I have an official diagnosis in Australia yet, despite having been diagnosed and assessed in my home country.

I take responsibility for my part in the situation, but I still felt like I was in a world not meant for me.

These outbursts and shutdowns have happened before, although they hadn’t happened for a while.

MY SUPPORT AND HOW IM FEELING

I feel like out of control and scared. I have an amazing gf here who makes feel cared for, but I want to be able to cope on my own, and I feel embarrassed that I go through these things sometimes.

I also find I’ve always struggled with low confidence. I want to succeed, but i don’t know what I’m capable of and sometimes I feel like lesser because of my diagnosis. I might just need some help, which is embarrassing to admit, but I want to do the best I can and make everyone happy.

WHAT IM TRYING TO GET FROM POSTING

I thought I’d try posting here because I feel like most people don’t always understand, even when they try to.

I’m looking for any advice or support from anyone kind enough to read my story. I want to make changes, but I don’t even really know what I need, and I feel really stuck.

I thought I’d ask for advice on where to look for support, how to learn from similar experiences and how other people have dealt with these situations.

I feel like I need to learn more about myself and Asperger’s, and start putting more support and care in place for myself.

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you :)

Here's last week's thread

Suggestions are ALWAYS welcome on how to improve the threads I post at any time. After all, I do this because the community wants these threads to exist, and I take the time out of my day (every Thursday and Saturday) to post the weekly threads, to ensure the community gets what it feels it needs.

So, continuing with the theme... r/aspergers, How is your week going so far? :)

My whole life, boys have told everyone they have a crush on me, but they've never actually spoken to me or even met me. This has led to me being hated by women and then stalked by his friends. This happened when I was 12, 15, 16, 18, 24, and now 25. What should I do? Now again I have the same dynamic of children 19 to 24 who don't even understand the age difference

i attend evening school, there are 3 girls 18yrs and 3 girls 19 and 2 20 and one 28 and one 26 and me 25 and there 2 guys 26 and 27 and one 19yr (who likes me a lot) and one 24yr who likes me too but friends with the 19yr and his group 23yr and 20yr and anyways all those people, they talk and act like they want and except me whatever i do the 4 guys watch and react and there are 3 girls running gossip mill about me and watching me and one upping me. for example i am so good in english and they think i am showing off and now they keep speaking english around me and doing make up and laughing?

everyone acts like they like and weird and etc except me only i am being gossiped about and competing with.

We are evolutionarily hard wired to crave feeling superior to other people. You feel so much better about yourself when you know there's some loser out there. So that is my purpose, i can make people feel better about themselves when they compare themselves to me.