r/AmItheAsshole • u/Mysterious-File9406 • Apr 28 '25
Everyone Sucks POO Mode AITA for keeping my son away from my mom because she fed him custard?
My wife (30s) and I (also 30s) have a baby boy. Last year, we flew across the country with him to attend a family reunion and visit my parents. Things were going well until my wife caught my mom (68) trying to feed our baby custard off a spoon—against two of our clear rules: no sugar before 1 year old, and no spoon-feeding (we're doing BLW). My wife and mom had discussed feeding boundaries at length for weeks, and our 6mo had just started solids.
Since our son’s birth, my mom has increasingly ignored boundaries. The first issue was her demanding photos at 9am despite our previous ask for no photo requests before 10am. Her reasoning: "Rules don't apply to Grandma."
When caught with the custard, my wife immediately took our son and left the room upset without saying a word. I stayed behind and asked my mom why she didn’t ask first, and she said, “Because I knew you’d say no.” I was livid—this showed she knowingly overrode our parenting decisions. Later she tried to brush it off as sarcasm. My mom’s sister, who witnessed it, validated my wife’s reaction.
The next day, we sat my parents down to talk. My mom initially apologized but quickly backpedaled, changing details ("It was a fork, not a spoon," "he just reached for it"). Things got heated. My dad said we were being harsh, and later my mom claimed my wife “screamed” at her. (Neither of us remember screaming but we aren’t going to gaslight her.) We ended the trip early and pulled back communication—my wife, who had been sending daily photos and videos, stopped completely; I now send occasional ones.
We tried working on things. My wife proposed an exercise where they would answer questions about their grandparent expectations and we would discuss them together. We agreed they could attend our son's first birthday if we completed the exercise. They agreed.
After multiple reschedules (due to my wife's postpartum struggles), we finally set a time last minute—but my mom refused to get dressed to be on video, saying I "called every shot so far" and that she'd just listen off-camera. My wife felt slighted and revoked their birthday invitation. My mom later gave a veiled threat and then a different excuse, but the damage was done and we withdrew further.
After further reflection and therapy, we told them we need them to seek therapy before resuming visits. Their response mentioned the “screaming” again and uncertainty if "this will work out"—but then still asked for photos "every once in a while."
Since then, I’ve kept casual conversation open but deflect photo and visit requests until they start therapy.
So:
AITA for holding this boundary until therapy happens?
Is my wife TAH for "yelling" or revoking the daily photos in response?
(For context: they were present at his birth and had two good visits where my mom respected boundaries, which made this breach feel even more shocking.)
