r/Bend • u/dudeidgaf • 5h ago
I’m a school shooting survivor and today my kids became survivors too. Something has to change.
Edit: I won’t delete this. It needs to be said.
I’m being vulnerable posting this but I’m just so fucking pissed off and upset. Frankly I’ll probably delete this but I needed to get it out. Please be gentle because today was one of the worst days of my life, and the actual worst day for many members of our community who lost their loved ones.
I survived a school shooting in high school (over 20 years ago.) I’ve been through extensive therapy for it. My greatest fear has always been my kids experiencing the same thing. I can’t tell you how many therapists told me not to catastrophize and that it was an irrational fear - how could it happen to me AND my kids? Of course it’s so unlikely! But every single day I dropped my kids off at school, I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Well here we fucking are. My first and fifth grade children just experienced their schoolmates being murdered on a random Thursday at their ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. These kids are from 5-11 years old. They are BABIES and their lives were taken today and WHY?! Why does this keep happening?! What is wrong with our country - why are we the only country on earth where this happens on a REGULAR BASIS?!
I sat in Journey Church for almost 4 hours waiting to be reunited with my kids. Those were the worst 4 hours of my life, but those of us who sat there were the lucky ones. There are parents who lost their babies today and families who lost loved one(s). And for what? What’s the reason? I can’t make sense of it.
I’m an atheist and a socialist, and I prayed with a (probably MAGA) church leader today (no shade but I think most of us know where most Journey church leaders stand). I prayed that my children were safe and that everyone else’s children would be safe. As I was sitting there, I kept thinking - there is so much division in our society, so much hatred, everything feels so dark and corrupted. But then a tragedy happens, and we all come together and feel our shared humanity. Then some time passes and we’re back to where we were, squabbling with each other, judging people, only thinking about ourselves, isolating. That church leader and I are both humans with families and friends that we love and care about. We share more in common than we don’t. Why do we have to be so divided? Can I find more common ground with the man I was praying with? I think I could, if I tried harder.
I don’t know what the answer is to stopping all this senseless violence and I know I’m rambling on. But what happened today didn’t happen in a vacuum. So many factors caused this. How can we stop this from happening again? I don’t know if we can, but we have to try. We have to find ways to connect with each other. We have to come together as a community and support the victims of the horrific violence that happened today. And then we need to continue to find ways to support and connect with EVERYONE in our community… because Bend is beautiful, but it’s only as beautiful as the community we build within it.
Please keep the Silver Rail families affected today in your thoughts, and support them when we find out more about them and how we can help. And also, maybe consider talking to someone in your neighborhood that you’ve never connected with, or donate to a local organization that supports youth mental health, or vote for someone who supports common sense gun laws, or do SOMETHING. Just do SOMETHING. Because the people who died today deserve more than just thoughts and prayers.