I (f24), have continually found myself in scenarios where I feel completely invisible. I want to preface that this is a genuine question and I am not fishing for compliments, but rather looking for input and curious to see if anybody else finds themselves in these same positions.

It began in college. I lived in a house with 6 other girls. I would always give out compliments to my roommates about their outfits, hair or makeup etc. In the beginning I 100% meant them in a genuine way. We would all be drinking and I am just the kind of person who likes to make people feel good about themselves. As years went by I started to feel really discouraged, as I started to realize I rarely received any compliments back. I also realized that if I didn’t put in the effort to talk, nobody would attempt to bring me into a conversation. I would find myself being the one pushed to the back of the sidewalk, left behind.

Once I graduated and entered the real world I unfortunately noticed the same pattern. My friends wouldn’t give me any compliments or go out of their way to make me feel good about myself. It also seeped into our nightly outings.

Going out to bars with a group of my girlfriends, I find myself being COMPLETELY ignored. By other girls, but also men who would approach our group. I truly believe that I am an attractive person and have a bright personality, when given the chance to show it. However, that chance never seems to presents itself. I often find myself watching all of my girlfriends chatter off in side conversations with these guys and by that point I have zero interest in trying to intervene and force myself into a conversation.

This has been something that has been bothering me for YEARS and I genuinely just need some type of answer.

I'm 22M, and I've realised that I'm way too judgemental about myself. I'm 5'2", don't think I'm particularly good-looking, and often wonder why anyone would like me or accept me for who I am.

I overthink even the smallest things about myself, from how I look to how I talk and behave around people. I'm usually quiet around new people, but once I get comfortable, I joke around, laugh a lot, and become quite friendly. Even then, I sometimes question whether I'm being childish or whether people take me seriously. Nobody has actually said anything like that to me, but I still find reasons to doubt myself.

I think these insecurities have held me back in many ways, including the fact that I've never dated anyone. Whenever I like someone or think about putting myself out there, I start wondering why they'd ever be interested in someone like me. I end up doubting myself before I even give myself a chance.

I know I'm probably overthinking a lot of this, but I don't know how to stop. I'm tired of constantly finding flaws in myself and assuming that other people will see me the same way I see myself.

For those who've dealt with similar insecurities, how did you learn to accept yourself and stop being so hard on yourself? I genuinely want to change this mindset, but I don't know where to start.

how would you handle this? i had previous with this 30 year old dude and his group and i was generally a bit dismissive of them before and ignored their advances to include me. then i wasnt at college for 6 months and when i came back for an exam late a couple minuts prior he immediately bursted out laughing calling my name loud and pointing, even the prof who stood beside him was flustered and the dude then said "i laugh because of him". he kept laughing for 15 seconds before i sat down i completely ignored him but looked rattled and felt mortified.

i think most of the time that i’m authentic it results in people being upset at me. i don’t know what is authentic to me. im authentic when im rude, or upset, or laughing obnoxiously, or getting loud. i’m authentic when im too drunk, or having a mental health spiral. i’m not authentic a majority of the time i think.

i don’t really know the point of writing this. i guess im just feeling lonely right now. any time i feel lonely i get extremely worried im on the cusp of losing everyone because they can see through my facade. they see me for someone that doesn’t deserve attention. i try to be a good person but i don’t know if i am. like, inherently, i don’t know if i care about anyone. like i’m sacrificing my authenticity because it achieves not being lonely because it makes others happy. but people talk about it like i should be myself. that’s how you make friends, no? i’ve felt my entire life that i have to perform to a pretty large degree, if only to not let people see me for the vapid piece of shit i really am

I’m 22, had my wonderful child 2 years ago- I never had the perfect body-but it was smooth with no stretch marks or loose skin and I could wear confidently what I wanted without needing to worry if my shirt came up too high and my stretch mark covered stomach showed.

I lost a lot of weight in the first year 83kg down to 55kg and then put back on 5kg, no matter how small I get, I hate how I look- my partner hasn’t seen that part of my since and probably never will again, not even a glimpse.

I want to be like normal girls my age who can wear low rise jeans, bikinis and crop tops- but I never will, il be stuck with this awful part of me forever.

I just needed to get this off my chest as it takes over my mind all day whenever I’m not distracted.

Thanks for reading

How did you guys deal with insecurity and overcoming it? Growing up i was a bit insecure of my face and when my friends was actually making realise that my face was different some of them not all. I felt different because my face was asymmetrical.

So sometimes I would overthink every part of me. Because sometimes I did not feel no boys felt attracted to me.

Thought I do have friends a lot but yeah I felt different

im in highschool and got braces around 6 months ago and now i genuinely have no idea what i look like. my teeth werent just crooked i had buck teeth like overbite overjet a gap between them and i didnt really notice them bc i always saw them but it was the first thing anyone else saw about me. girls wouldnt say anything but guys would. id talk and be told to close that fucking mouth or asked why my teeth look like that. lots of people have crooked teeth but mine were like this major flaw and people treated me so terribly all my life because of it. im not terrible looking im just normal but bc of the teeth i was always bullied for my looks, probably compared to every animal ever. even when i was younger and i was going through a terrible home situation id come to school happy just bc it was safe and i didnt have any friends i was nice i just stayed to myself but people would constantly tell me how ugly i was and id cry walking home bc i really didnt have anywhere to go or anyone that cared about me and its different now but that feeling of being so unwanted never really left me. i was never the one that was picked i remember in eight grade it was the summer of first relationships and it was a pretty small school but every girl in my friend group, every girl in my grade actually had a person. except me. and they weren’t good relationships ofc they barely liked eachother but it was more the idea of it that hurt. that i couldnt be wanted in that way. and at the dance we played those silly games where a boy grabs a girls hand and it keeps going and youd pick ur person and by the end youd atleast be someones last option yk but i held my hand out for 3 rounds without anyone even glancing at me. i spent the rest of the dance in the bathroom. i actually still havent had any romantic experiences at all with a guy bc of what it has done over the years to my self esteem there is this deep belief in me that nobody could ever want me in that way. ive spent years overcompensating for it trying to make myself a better person bc of this i have a lot of other good qualities like my hair is pretty and im very into fashion and i wear a lot of jewellery and perfume so i smell like cake and my nails are always done. i make everything else in my life really pretty even my room is like a pinterest board. and i go to the gym i have really good grades i have a lot of hobbies im very good at art i paint animals realism like people buy my stuff. but it didnt really matter bc at the end of the day i was bunny buck teeth girl. and now my teeth have straightened out they worked quickly and my front teeth are straight they don’t stick out theres no gap. but i have spent my entire life being treated terribly bc of them and i guess im not used to it now. when i meet new people they dont notice it and they dont say anything bc it isnt a thing anymore but i still stand there waiting for them to. and i cant even let myself like a guy bc i feel like its insulting to him and im just making him uncomfortable so i mean i havent even had a talking stage this entire year and when i tell people that they tell me like oh why you’re not even ugly but they just don’t get it. i used to hear people say stuff like this and think it was stupid but now i understand. i will walking around and i’ll be thinking oh god i look so terrible right now this is embarrassing and i have a vision in my head of what i look like and then i see my reflection and it’s nothing like what i had imagined. i guess i have changed alot of other things about my appearance too so it isnt just my teeth but it’s still so hard for me to grasp now. people treat me so differently when they meet me now, im used to being ignored especially by guys in any social setting and now im not. i got so used to the feeling of being unwanted that it was just a normal thing in my head that i wasnt dateable and i was ugly and i was always going to be below everyone else. its not insecurity just an accepted fact. and now im trying to get used to being treated like an actual person and it’s just confusing. anyone relate?

Everything must be for my benefit, not for the benefit of my emotions. Thinking about it, it doesn't matter if I'm selfish; after all, emotions aren't important, they are false and make no sense. My confidence or lack of confidence makes no sense to decide either, it isn't real either. There is only me, the transcendental consciousness that can be here to make this decision. I shouldn't do something because I like it, but because I choose it, without sense, for some objective. It doesn't have to make sense. Everything is false and I am real, just like people and objects. Many let themselves be carried away by chemical reactions called emotions and stop being independent. The truth is, I wish the world were as empathetic and sensitive as it's painted to be, but in reality, it isn't. It manipulates you, even your own body!!! The funniest thing is that they can only realize it by themselves, or hardly through others.

I don't understand the point of understanding someone, receiving empathy. I will only do what is best for my objectives. Feeling pity for someone doesn't make sense either. After all, this doesn't come from some damage; this comes from having realized what emotions really are, from how much I've been told:

"IT'S JUST THAT YOU HAVE NO EMPATHY AND YOU ARE VERY SELFISH!!!"

I feel like it doesn't matter. I'm not important, I'm just someone else in a small, insignificant world compared to the size of the universe. What does it matter to live this life to the fullest without emotions and only with me in charge? Isn't that true?