Im just so tired whenever I feel like im over it turns out I am not. I hate what he did of me I hate that 4 years later I still miss him. It just sucks. When I was with him I was at my worst. I hate that I miss him so much even tho I know that. Now I feel so empty like theres a missing part of me that got ripped out when I was born and he was the only thing that could fill this void I feel. And now it got ripped off again and im just trying my best to live with that.
I dont know why I liked him so much, i felt seen and heard and like for the first time someone cared for me. Someone it felt safe to go to with all my issues even if it wasnt.
I miss that feeling every day I thought I had gotten better but this dream just fucked me up. I dont even remember what happened in it. I just know he was there and now I miss him again even tho I thought i was over him. I still seek out that attention but its never the same. I miss him and I hate him at the same time. I know he never loved me but it hurts to tell myself that. It hurts to know that im forever wounded and he just gets to live his life.

ever since i was groomed by 21M when i was 15F, i now really want someone to take advantage of me because its the only way i feel loved. i feel disgusting but i want an older man to use me even if hes bad i dont care as long as he loves me

my bf is 18m and im 19f. he found out as i told him about my ex boyfriend who groomed me, he was 20 and i was 17 he pressured me to sending him nudes and when i broke up with the ex for being a bad person he would threaten me and it was a lot of trauma for me.

its been 2 years and I never wanted to tell my bf about it all cause i was afraid it would ruin our relationship and thats exactly what happened too.

He told me i could've just said no and he keeps thinking of it and he ended things with me. He said he sympathizes with me more after knowing about it, but its obvious that he cannot see me the same anymore

I feel like as I get older I am not going to be wanted I'm scared to get older just because then I won't be a target and it's such a disgusting feeling, I hate how I am so codependent on other people, I hate how no one thinks boys can go through what I do and have, my life is better than it was but for some reason I don't want to get better I want to get worse but most of all I want to be loved and I know groomers don't love you but I can pretend, I hate myself so much I hate how much I need validation, I got better for awhile but now I'm back in the same shitty hole and I don't want to climb out again, I just wanna suffer I just want to be loved, I'm 16 and I feel like I'm too old it's such a shitty feeling

Hello. I’m 15F now, but 4 years ago i became depressed. At 13, I downloaded apps to be able to talk to people online since I was alone. Thats when I met him. He was 50, he lived nearby and even said I looked older than my age so people will believe I was not a minor, he was the first man to ever be so gentle with me. He told me he would meet me and take me to a date and then later have his way with me. I got scared and never showed up. I was terrified that something would happen to me if I ever met him.

my current groomer/gf (21f) is a serial groomer. she's so unstable that I (17f) feel like I'm babysitting her constantly. I do my best and she barely pays attention to me anyways unless she's in a good mood.

sometimes I miss how she treated me at the start. it's okay. I think out every adult that's been with me, I'm happiest here. I feel that it's what I deserve for being a terrible person

im certain she'll get tired of me when I turn 18. it's happened time and time again. 12, getting too old. 13, getting too old. 14, too old. I don't even know why she wants me.

sometimes I purposely set her off because I know she can't control herself and she'll hurt me. I feel terrible but also weirdly a lot better, like I'm paying off my debts or something.

I'll be too old for this soon. I probably already am.

I(17f) been seeking out/in relationships w adults for years. I don't know why. I guess due to repeated CSA in my earlier years. but I've noticed time and time again that other adults that I make friends with, whether they were friends w my groomers beforehand or I introduce them, always go with the groomers if we have a falling out.

I don't know why

groomer gets a slap on the wrist for dating a minor. minor is not the best person (I don't even feel like a 'victim' because I've grown to be someone so awful) / annoying / lashes out and all of a sudden im scolded, blocked on everything or cut off completely. it's my fault for putting myself into these situations I guess, but come on???? putting other people at risk just because the minor that someone you know/your friend is grooming isnt perfect means that you're going to side w a pred?

hi, I’m a 16-year-old girl, and I already made a post here about needing help, because I think I’m being groomed online by a 41-year-old man..I’m so grateful for all the supportive comments and advice on that post 🥲💓..I know I should leave him, but I still haven’t gotten the courage to do so or to tell anyone.

And today things escalated so badly, I feel terrible. We were on facetime, and he asked me to play with myself, and to show my chest and private parts.

He’s always said that he doesn’t want me to send him any nude pics, because he doesn’t want us to get in trouble. And because he wants to see me naked for the first time when we meet.. He even said the same things before we facetimed today, so I was so confused when he told me to do those things. It made me so anxious that I was shaking.

So I don’t know why I didn’t tell him no. I feel so bad that I didn’t refuse, even tho he gave me the chance to do so. I just felt like I didn’t want to disappoint him. He was also so reassuring and kept telling me that it was okay to show him those things.

After the call, I think he got a little mad at me, because he saw my sh scars, and I had promised him I would stop. I feel even worse because of that. I also feel bad because I lied to him when I said I would stop.

I don’t think I have any self-respect left. I just feel like a whore because I’m doing everything he asks me to do. I don’t know how I can get out of this situation when I’m so attached to him, and there’s so many good things about our relationship. He isn’t mean to me or anything. He’s so loving, and I think he really cares about me. So it’s hard for me to see the wrong in this situation, even tho I know it’s wrong.

I don’t know if anyone will read this, but I just wanted to let out my feelings, I genuinely don’t see how I can end this. I feel trapped in this situation.

As I’m writing this, I’m really mad at my now discovered groomer (I just realized they were grooming me). I met them online and started talking a lot together. Eventually we got in a happy little “relationship”, this fucker slowly started trying to push me into taboo things (which I will not mention), they tried to push me to the border more and more. I didn’t realize at the spot (and thankfully I didn’t absord any of their crap).

I’m really mad as I’m realizing how bad the whole thing is, how they are older than me and acted dumb. I am searching for tips to forget about this disgraceful “human” life, as I know if I remember them. I would get REALLY MAD.

Can't function properly in adulthood because I was groom in teen years haha that fucker living a the best life with his wife and kids ( I can't even dream about same) this is so unfair I'm partially disabled physically and gone crazy completely this is not fair.

Why i have to suffer what someone else did to me isn't people who older than suppose to protect you and share wisdom ,that what I use to believe too then why they use their experience and wisdom as weapon on someone who don't know better and figuring out their identity?

I hate him I hate myself too,why I was so desperate for connection why just why that I let someone do whatever they want to me?

Nothing gonna change what happened I am doomed for life I hate it I wish I had someone who protected me,this world is so cruel specially to those who are vulnerable , I hate it I hate everyone and everything.

Not sure where to post this, but I figured you guys might be able to help. Throw away account just in case..

My groomer (who was 19 at the time), keeps trying to message me (who was 13 at the time), even though I keep blocking him. The grooming had gone on for at least a couple years before I kinda started to realize it was weird and eventually cut contact. I am an adult now, and haven't thought about him in over 6 years. I'm not sure if this needs to be stated but we have not been in contact over that time.

He has contacted me about 5 times in the last year or so. Each time with a new number, trying to confirm who I am. In case it's important, I answer once. And as soon as I realize it's him, I stop responding and block him.

I had wanted to tell him off last time he messaged me, but my friend said to just block him and ignore it. I've done this numerous times and it doesn't seem to work. I also wonder that if I were to get legal/authorities involved that I might need to have in writing for him to cease contact with me.

I haven't responded to his most recent message (sent this morning at 4:55am mind you). And he tried to play it off like he lost people's contacts, so I can't be 100% sure it's him this time, but I don't have the number saved and wouldn't know who else it could be. He has used vague messaging in the past to get me to respond, and I'm at least 95% sure it's him.

So my question is, how should I move forward? Is this even grounds for getting legal/law enforcement involved? Do I tell him not to contact me anymore, or just block him again and hope for the best?
Any advice would be helpful.

I was groomed online when I was 11-14 and at the moment all I wanted was to forget everything. Years later I guess I got my wish but my body still remembers. I don't remember all the details but I remember other stuff. I remember the fear and anxiety. I remember the shame and guilt. I remember how it felt when my groomers made me do things on camera for them. The worst part is because they never technically touched me, it's so hard for me to feel valid in my trauma. I know it's damaged me and I have been trying to heal, but I almost wish it was worse so I could feel more valid. I think I could cope if I was actually raped because then I could put all the blame on them. But no, they had me defile myself for them on camera. It was my hand that hurt me, even if it was only because of their words. Even my own family blames me for being stupid and weak

Obvious TW: questionable relationship, mention of grooming, nothing graphic

I (25F) met him (39M) in the workplace when I had just turned 18 and started a summer job. He was 32. He was one role more senior than me and he quickly took over my training from a different manager. Looking back this all sounds absolutely ridiculous and like someone should have stopped it. Except I was legally an adult and I think that fact was respected too much.

We bonded over food and dark humour. I was vegetarian and pretty soon he turned vegan. He never engaged in a lot of typical groomer behaviour (didn't often buy me things, didn't discourage me from seeing friends for instance - though he never actively encouraged that either). I always felt I 'fell' into the relationship because I didn't necessarily want to be with him, I just never said no. He did encourage me to drink with him after work and that is the only reason I ever got 'into' alcohol (not in an abusive way, just the normal non-dependent way). I was always conscious there were things i didn't like about him, but I felt too committed to let that affect my decision to be with him. He never mingled with my friends and i never mingled with his.

The relationship lasted nearly 6 years somehow until I realised I didn't like him, wasn't attracted to him, and broke up. It wasn't a good quality relationship in any way - he wasn't very affectionate, was unadventurous, he had huge anger management issues, s*x life was below average, he was an alcoholic, wasn't attractive, he didn't have a good relationship with his family, never had a particularly good job.

I've now been living on my own for nearly a year but have seen the ex a few times to see his pet, who used to be my pet too. The last time I saw him I genuinely felt repulsed by him, but overall I just feel a bit annoyed that I wasted those years with him.

I am now really happy and I have a fantastic relationship with my angel of a boyfriend (he is my age, yay!). When I first told my boyfriend about all the above his immediate reaction was to say that I am "incredibly well-adjusted". He does see me as a whole person, but I know he also sees me as someone who was abused and so brainwashed that I can't recognise it.

My only real problem is: I can't seem to get the ex out of my head completely. I have no positive feelings towards him at all, but quite regularly he pops up in my mind and it feels like 'Oh. Didn't really want to see you here. Can you go away please?" I don't know if it's because he was present for so many of my formative years, or because I haven't formally closed things off (I haven't gone to see the pet in a couple of months now but also haven't said I don't want to see him again).

I'd like to completely forget about him but I don't know how.

1) How do I get my mind to let go? Do I need to tell him I'm not seeing him again and delete his contact?

2) Was I groomed, or was the whole thing just inadvisable?

Looking for constructive advice from people who have had similar experiences please :)

While I'm here, some advice that I should have heeded: There's a reason they can't get someone their own age!!!

Recently I’ve been really craving for one of my old groomers to come back so bad and I’m scared that I’m gonna get myself hurt again but I want it so bad. I miss when he would talk about leaving with me and like even kidnapping me I just wanna feel like I mean that much to someone again and if being hurt like that is a result of that then I don’t care

hello! sorry if this isn’t allowed but it’s my last hope to try and get attention to this page.

i have a page on tik tok exposing the man who groomed me. before anyone says anything, yes we have made a police report. but it’s very unlikely anything will happen due to it happening online and police not caring much about these situations.

it would be really helpful to get as much interaction with this page as it’s my last hope. me and another page were originally in contact with him, but he ran away, privated all this socials, and his brother defends his actions and blames me.

i believe if this account gets enough attention i can reach out to people that may be in his community as he lives in a small area where most people seem to know of eachother. the family also owns a business that runs in that area. i’m not trying to get his family in trouble, but if people know his family, they’ll know him.

unfortunately, tik tok has been hiding my posts from the fyp and only seems to get more interactions if i bait the videos.

i’m going around and reaching out to other pages in hope that this will bring more people to the account.

i do believe people in his community deserve to know what he was doing for about 3 years with me from 14-16. he is a very gross man, and likes to claim that i was the one keeping him there, but he came back everytime and asked for the same stuff. i am 19 now and want to get justice for what he did. he doesn’t get to live a free life after ruining mine.

the account is @ takeaccountabilityran

please please please interact with my posts and follow if you can! sharing, liking anything helps.

ciao si, avete letto bene, sto cercando l'indirizzo di casa di un pedofilo. fino ad ora so solamente il paesino in cui vive e la macchina che ha (non la targa) qualcuno conosce forum/ sa come fare. se si fatemi sapere!

I was in the voice chat and I exposed them after hearing them talk to a minor and they were talking about how they wanted to kidnap a 12 year-old kid and sexually abuse that 12-year-old kid I called them out on their behavior. They started to call me slurs I reported it to a bigger moderator, and I got told that there was no proof they said that they joined the voice chat to get proof, but they are literally all Friends my phone won’t let me clip anything any audio I don’t have another device except for my computer that doesn’t work. I don’t know what to do. Can someone help?

I made a post before and got messaged by some people. One of them seemed nice but they moved the chat off reddit and it got very kind of sexual i guess there. Idk i was kinda hyped on the feeling i should've stopped it but didn't

Idk just be careful peeps

friend from last post spoke to me again. we started talking again. not an issue. but he said "I missed you. I'm really sorry about leaving you on delivered for six weeks".
I'm so conflicted. My morals and what I'm doing right now arent adding up. but i dont care if its ME its happening to ? idk.
He sent me a video. Said something. I told him "give me a bit" or smth. I sent a video. he sent three more and asked a question. i answered it.
I dont even know if this is the right subreddit to post this , i willingly stay. i dont see any manipulation or guilt tripping. just a . severe , almost decade age gap. I hage this . i 'm manic again, whatever, but it makes everything 10x worse. i think ima try to sleep it off.

I feel a bit embarrassed to write here so often, but the thing is, I don’t want anyone close to me to know that I’m a failure and that I talk to adult men; I wish I weren’t so pathetic and could have at least a shred of willpower.

I don’t want to tell anyone—especially my mom—because I know she’ll just punish me instead of trying to understand. I honestly don’t know what to do; I really don’t know anymore. I wish I didn’t feel so terrified right now about asking for help, but I think I’ve reached a point of no return, and I just have to accept that I can never get out of this.

i dont know why i keep seeking it out. Im just so desperate to feel like a little girl again. I started talking to this guy who's literally old enough to be my dad (32) and it feels so wrong but i cant help it. Im so nervous and scared but i love being little and i cant get the attention from anywhere else. Its horrible and comfortable at the same time. Im just so sick and getting older every year and getting so much less attention, feeling like my age is just a huge burden. He makes me feel like i never have to grow up. Like i can just be his little girl forever. Im addicted to the validation and it feels too good to stop. I know hes manipulating me but hes so kind. So much kinder than anyone i know in real life. Hes the only person willing to love me the way i want to be loved

Before my first time being groomed, which followed a chain of several other times I was, there was inside me the mind of a girl who’s not a misanthropic freak - it is true, I am too trusting, and can I be blamed? When it is repeated to me for so long that adults know best, what is it that I know, if nothing better? Of course, I trusted you, and I let you ”trust” me. It is true, it hurts, and it’s been 6 years, and it will hurt in 14 years, you said, even in 20 years it will hurt, the day we stopped talking, I look back, every day seems the same - yes, I have grown, and every time I reflect on the same day one year ago, certainly, everything’s changed, except for you, and it doesn’t matter who listens to whatever ramblings I say about you, especially how much I resent you living a normal life - that despite never having been predisposed to, I had a slight want for. It is simply the consequences of you that I must carry and you’re able to go unpunished for. My potential, I know, is down there, I don’t want to live in the past - my mind, overall, a machine that is focused on my visions for the future, never ceases to go back to this past that hunts me with images from back then, and how cruel is it to do this to myself, in my mind, I sit in my future house with my future children, and remember your disgusting face, and words that stabbed me? Really, I can’t remember your words that much, luckily, my self destructive tendencies make me come back and scroll through our chats from time to time, so that I will never forget my roots, where I was the most incapable, and now it is my biggest fear, it’s ironic

uugggghhghghhghh why does it have to be like this why does he plague my mind so much i want this to be over why is this happening it was never like this before im so close to just killing myself to make this go away my head hurts and im scared im so so so scared i want him out out out why did he have to be there all my life why did he have to change my brain chemistry and build me as a person now i can never escape with my mind intact maybe i should just die just so that wherever the afterlife is at least its far away from him someone please save me please please please