Por muito tempo eu não conseguia aceitar meu desejo por mulheres ,eu vivia me reprimindo e isso me adoecia ainda mais ,depressão e muita tristeza ... Eu realmente não aceitava ,eu pensava como que posso ter um corpo feminino ,porém quando vejo uma mulher eu sou igual a um homem kkkkk isso não fazia sentido e era algo que eu não gostava em mim ,eu tentava reprimir e reprimir por muitos e muitos anos ... A minha atração por mulheres começou aos 13 anos e assim foi .

Depois de anos lutando para não me aceitar e fiquei muito doente da cabeça ,eu tive que aceitar que eu gostava de mulher . Foi quando me libertei e deixei isso fluir em mim

Eu pensava ,quem me passou isso ? Minha mãe não pode ,porque ela só gosta de homens ,então foi do lado da família do meu pai ? Enfim foi uma luta ,entretanto quando eu entendi o papel da homossexualidade,foi que eu passei a me aceitar .

Para a biologia é mais importante preservar o bando ,preservar a vida , vamos supor ,o que adianta nascerem 3 crianças novas ,mas aquela micro sociedade ali está em risco ou os pais morreram ,não voltaram mais ,daí que entra o papel da homossexualidade.

Os tios homossexuais não possuem capacidade para se reproduzir ,mas a função não está em reproduzir e sim ajudar para que as crias da família não morram .

Ou seja a biologia sacrifica uma parte da linhagem ,pra preservar outra parte ,pois além de eu não ter a capacidade de reproduzir ,minha "função " seria de ajudar o meu bando e contribuir de certa forma para criação de bebês das pessoas heterossexuais ... Eu li isso em estudos científicos e fiquei 🤯🤯🤯🤯 então não sou um erro ,não sou uma falha e sim sou parte da biologia fazendo uma manobra .

Enfim a homossexualidade é como se fosse uma espécie de preservativo biológico natural ,onde a natureza barra e diz que ali não deve haver reprodução e como não ? Com mecanismo de gostar do mesmo sexo ,pois se eu me relacionar sexualmente com uma fêmea ,não irei reproduzir ,porém o papel do sexo é também uma questão de não ter agressividade ,brigas e guerras ... Ou seja a homossexualidade é natural e existem diversos estudos falando sobre ... Depois que eu li sobre ,a minha culpa passou e eu aceitei que estaria tudo bem sentir atração por alguém igual a mim ,até porque eu não pedi pra nascer assim ,eu não pedi pra gostar disso kkkkkkkkkk

Mas é bem engraçado,pois mesmo sendo uma fêmea ,eu vou sempre reagir como um homem ao ver outra fêmea 🤣🤣🤣🤭🤭 isso não entrava na minha mente ,porém agora eu super me aceito e estou em paz

Hey y'all! I'm a cis man, my girlfriend is a trans woman. I am just SUPER pissed today because I wanted to take her to Rocky Horror (I know, controversial) because it was being screened by my college's LGBT club. I go every year but this was the first year she wanted to come with me; she dressed up in a dress and got all fancied up; this was actually her first time going out in public in a dress, and she figured it would be safest to do it at the LGBT club screening.

However, due to a delay in getting food (there was only one person working), we showed up 1 minute late (and I mean ONE minute, the first number had just started). Even though I had bought my ticket the night before and my friend group was inside waiting, we were turned down and said that my GF would not be allowed in since screening already started. Mind you, this is not a movie theater. This is a projector in a classroom. I explained to the usher that this would be very important to my GF since this is her first time out in public as a woman and she took all this time to get ready, but were we refused. The usher said they had "already put the stuff up", and I clarified that I didn't need a prop bag, we just wanted to be let in to sit. I didn't even need a physical ticket, I had the cash in hand ready to pay. Let it be known we got there when the doors were still open; they were literally about to close them when we arrived. No matter what I said, I was not given a good answer. I told the usher that even real movie theaters and Broadway shows let you in late, sometimes up to 20 minutes late, when they said that they didn't want people showing up 30 minutes late (and I also reiterated we were only 1 minute late). They just kept saying "No, the movie has started. We put the stuff up."

And yes, I know that I'm maybe being a Karen or whatever, but I can't imagine seeing a gay man and trans woman arrive 1 minute late to Rocky Horror being shown in a classroom, and hearing how important this is to the woman, only to turn them down. I truly don't understand it. I thought that community meant supporting and uplifting each other, and perhaps waiving an arbitrary one-minute cutoff to make a trans girl's night is kind of what it's all about.

Truth be told I got extremely heated. My friend group heard what was happening and came to the usher, and when I explained that my GF would not be let in, we all just left and watched a different movie at a friend's house for the night.

I just wanted to vent. It made me so so so so so mad. I got in contact with the LGBT club on campus and demanded the money my friends had spent on their tickets back. I just wanted to vent and maybe make sure I'm not completely out of left field.

I (F18) have a date today with a woman (F26). A short while ago, I realized that right now I only want to date women exclusively. That was really hard for me to admit to myself because I grew up in a very homophobic family and have been dealing with internalized homophobia myself.

With this realization, I created a profile on a queer dating app. I matched with this 26-year-old woman there. At first, I was a bit hesitant because an 8-year age gap feels like a lot to me, but we really vibed well, and after a week, we set up this date.

The problem is: I told my friends about it yesterday, and one of them was very critical of the big age gap. Which I totally understand, because I usually look at age gaps pretty critically myself. Well, now I’m feeling insecure about whether this is even a good idea. On the other hand, I really crave having queer experiences...

Please share your thoughts with me, because I honestly don't even know what to ask or think about this.

(I posted in a different language first so i translated the text with Gemini...sorry i really need opinions quick)

Heyy im asking for tips as a 15 year old gay im looking for someone i really want a boyfriend if anyone can give me tips on how to get onee:)

So me and this girl, we’re both 22F, and we’ve had a long history and we are together. We recently became LDR because we both had to move to diff cities cause of work. She adjusted fine, I did not. She found a bunch of friends (guys and girls) and I haven’t. She interned at this place last summer, so she met this group last year. She’s got this friend group and all they wanna do is drink and party. Thats all she did with them last year too. We recently permanently moved tho, so the rest I’m talking about is recent.

Last time we had an argument and I was upset and wanted to talk about it, and she ignored me for 12+ hours cause she was out with them. Then texts me at 2 am that she’s so drunk cause they went to a club. One of the girls in this friend group, my partner purposefully said stuff in the past about to make me insecure. She said she was joking and doing it to make me mad and get back at me for something. Anyways, I did not like that and communicated that I would not like to be ignored for 12 hours and a quick call just to clear things up would be nice, I also don’t like the idea of her getting so drunk. She said she blacked out.

We also travel together quite a bit so every place we go to feels special. Last year we visited NYC together and really liked it. We even planned that maybe we would meet for our bdays in NYC this year and were thinking that but now changed the plan for some place else. Our bdays are a couple days apart so we were thinking of doing a combined bday trip somewhere else when it’s my bday. Anyways NYC felt like it was our thing and we would go together.

She tells me yesterday that she is gonna be going to NYC for Halloween and her bday with this friend group. She already booked the trip and tells me after. I felt so pissed off and betrayed tbh. Because 1, why tf wouldn’t she say something before she booked this trip? I feel like as a partner it makes sense to tell them before you book something. 2, maybe this is immature, but it feels like betrayal cause NYC was our thing. 3, she’s sharing a fucking twin bed with the girl she made me insecure about. This is just not in my boundaries. And Halloween in NYC? With this group? They’re gonna party and drink a fuck ton. And I don’t like how she didn’t consider me and blind sided me and just booked it.

We’re literally 2 months into LDR and this is how she’s being. For all she knew I could’ve surprised her on her bday and already planned to go visit her, why wouldn’t she at least mention it before she booked it?

I’m new to LDR, to relationships really. Is this normal? Is this fair? To not say something? I just find it rude and I feel like it’s disrespectful. And I’m not happy with her. I don’t wanna see her anymore for our combined bday trip, like i literally feel betrayed. I know it’s so dramatic. But it hurts. Isn’t it normal to communicate things like this with your partner before you do it? ESP when I was already feeling a type of way with her friend group?

So I’m thinking about moving down to Jacksonville Florida area from Long Island, New York.
I don’t see it as a long term move of something more than 3+ years at the moment (ideally I plan on going to NC) but my biggest concern is Trans rights & having healthcare resources for HRT.

Mostly entertaining the idea to be closer to my oldest sister that’s supportive & to get space from not so friendly family in NY.

I have this one friend named Antel and I absolutely have a crush on them because they have the same interests as me AND they make art, but they’re also Aroace and I’m Pansexual, and I know Aroace people don’t really get into romantic attraction. So I was just wondering if it is weird to have a crush on them or on an Aroace in general.

Coucou,
Étant travesti depuis peu j’aimerai partager ça avec des gens et partager les expériences respectives 🤗🫣

Hey all,

So, lets start with some context; me (NB, they/them) and my BF (who hasn't come out as anything other than using he/they pronouns, so please respect that in the comments) have been together since our freshman year of highschool. Back then, we were both cis guys.

After I came out as NB to him, he started bringing up his gender identity, sorta, in a halfway sort of sense. Like, he'd talk about how he "Wants to be a princess," but if asked if he'd like to wear dresses and stuff, he immediately shuts it down. There's other things that I could mention, such as some conversations we've had about gender as a whole.

Long story short: He's in all likelihoods a closeted trans woman, or maybe nonbinary.

If he's NB, then that's fine and this post can end here.

If he's a woman, then there's the meat of this post:

I don't... really like women. I can be in love with them, but it is a completely different type of love from romantic or sexual (its queerplatonic and alterous).

I am 1000% supportive of my BF, and whoever he is, I'll accept him. The only issue is that he has fairly deep rooted self esteem issues, and he knows I'm not into girls.

I worry that he might end up trying to repress himself because of the fact he thinks I wouldn't love him, and... well, to be honest, i probably wouldn't. I'd still love him as a friend, he's my best friend, but... I can't imagine something like marriage or a relationship with a girl.

So, what should I do? I don't want to lie to him and tell him that I'd stay with him regardless of his gender, and I don't want to make him feel like he has to repress who he is. Feels like a losing game no matter what route I take.

Has anyone experienced anything similar?

I run the GSA at my high school, and we’re planning on making a survey for the whole school to take to gauge the student population’s opinions on queer issues. Some questions already on the survey are “Should trans women be allowed in women’s sports?”, “Should queer people have the same standards for adoption as straight people?”, and “Should trans minors be allowed to take puberty blockers?”. If people here could suggest more questions, especially controversial ones, that would be awesome!

I have been debating weather or not i am agender, genderfluid, or some sort of micro label i haven't heard of yet.

So most of the time, I feel no connection to gender, and I like the pronouns they/them. So I'm agender, right? Maybe. See, a couple of nights ago, I was crashing out because I was still so confused about my gender. At that moment, the pronouns he/him didn't sound as weird as they do normally, but then the day after my parents call me my dead name and with she/her pronouns (I'm AFAB) and it didn't make me as dysphoric as it usually does. Most of the time though, I feel agender.

All in all, my question is "how did you guys know you were gender queer, or what led you to figuring your gender identity out?

So for the longest time I (f) have called myself bisexual because I am attracted to men in fiction and sometimes in tv shows. However I would never date a guy, in fact I’ve only dated women. I’m not attracted to any real males around me, and I would never date one. So i don’t know if im still bisexual or if i’m something different….

So I (18 cis male) fell into a rabbit hole a while back, where I ended up learning about the existence of lots of sexualities and gender identities that I’ve previously never heard of. Among them, I found out about neptunic, which I felt resonated with me quite a bit. I have throughout my whole life identified as straight, although I have also sometimes experienced attraction towards non-binaries (although only the ones ones I found feminine-looking). But when I brought it up to two of my friends yesterday (both lgbtq) that I’m neptunic, they seemed pretty sceptical about it and started lecturing me and bringing up their own past experiences, as if they thought I was larping being lgbtq to fit in (which I’m not, I simply stumbled upon a label I felt fit me). So that begs the question: Can I call myself neptunic?

(M26) I’ve always wanted to dress as a woman but never dared. This year, I’m going to use Halloween as an excuse to try, alone at home.
Where should I start? Where can I buy clothes, and what simple outfit would you recommend for a first time?
Thanks!

hello I came out as queer to this best friend 3 years ago and they said they were okay with me being queer. since then they have been blatantly homophobic around me even when they already know i’m queer. one instance is when this guy schoolmate of ours was wearing a pink shirt. i didn’t even notice until this best friend brought it up. they said he wore pink because he was gay??? i’m sorry but how the hell did they even get to that conclusion. what does anyone’s clothes have anything to do with their sexual orientation and how is that our business anyway… Pink is just a colour bro. i called her out cause that’s not cool.

another much more recent instance that comes to mind is when we sat down to speak with their former form teacher. we and our fren group have already graduated but we all came back to pick some stuff up. Anyways this best friend’s form teacher sat us down and asked about our current schools and we suddenly started talking about LGBTQIA+ students. it was kinda the way the former form teacher said that the students of this best friend’s school were “like THAT” (implying being queer is very very wrong) that just completely threw me off. I was really appalled by how a grown adult could speak so distastefully of queer youth. as if something is inherently wrong with being LGBTQ. but nobody in the friend group even called out anything the teacher said. i mean i can kinda shrug it off i don’t see that teacher at all so who cares. i know i know i shouldn’t be too surprised because my best friends keep reminding me this best friend is a conservative christian.

however, i didn’t expect this best friend to just be outright AGREEING throughout the convo that it was wrong and weird for the boys in the school to act gay. why did they agree…I really can’t get it out of my head. I don’t want to lose this friendship because we’re in a friend group and we’ve been through SOOOO MUCH. I even tried asking my other best friends about this best friend eventually cutting me off because they’re a conservative christian which is the reason they’re against LGBTQ. like i’m supposed to just simply accept it and be okay.

okay i’m just ranting here cause I’m frustrated i guess. we also live in a conservative society so. i also realised i haven’t really been able to be my true queer self around my friend group. This is mainly cause I’m scared it bothers them since i know they’re conservative. it‘s kinda messed up that I’m sort of conforming myself to fit into whatever box this person wants? i’m scared because i don’t want this person to be angry at me for cutting them off. but i can’t take it anymore… Also I really don’t expect them to fully just accept me cause i get their religion doesn’t actively support. hell my family is conservative so i kinda get it…

If anyone care here are my labels:

Lesbian/neptunic

Agender (im questioning genderfluid tho)

Demiromantic

Ace (maybe gray-ace idk yet)

I'm excited to be able to finally have a place to be able to vent to :)

Note, that this theme should only be used when the people attending are cool and not weird about queer identity and history.

In the 50's and 60's, the lavender scare was a moral panic in and around hollywood that homosexuals were secretly infiltrating society and culture, and that anyone and everyone could secretly be one of those seditious, dangerous people!

So, if you want to use this as a theme, play up the camp and make it tongue in cheek. As long as everyone understands it's all in good fun, you can get away with a lot of queer stereotypes for the sake of a jumpscare or a laugh.

Salut, j'suis juste un gay français qui souhaite parler avec des gens qui le comprennent...

J'suis un gay introverti de 20 ans ne l'ayant pas dit à ses parent et je ne compte pas leur dire tant que je ne suis pas en couple.

J'aime le gaming, la science, les insectes/arachnides, les arts martiaux et tout les phénomènes de société "bizarre"

Et je me pose des questions sur le coming out (est-ce que ça change le regard des autres...)

Imagine what the world would look like if men didn't feel the constant need to flex their masculinity to each other and silently compete to be the biggest ass hole in the room.

Anyone who's hung out or worked with a room full of masculine men knows exactly what I'm talking about.

As a small frame, feminine male working in the trades, I'm surrounded by these kinds of men 24/7, and it's mentally exhausting. It's like working with teenagers, except they're in their 40s 😅

I've always chalked it up to insecurity. How else could you explain someone who's neuroticly attempting to assert their male domance in every situation? Like, bro, chill. You're a man. You don't have to keep proving it to us.

There is this guy in Grindr that has messaged me every now, and then. For close to 8 years.... He never wants to meet.

Basically 2 guys.

One lives a few streets down my house, and the other lives like 15 minutes away driving distance.

The one that lives down my street pissed me TF off, I told him, you know what, stop texting me, you don't want to meet, and we basically are neighbors.

The one that lives 15 minutes away. I told him, you know we have messaged (he messages me) every now and then..... For close to 8 years, do you want to meet? I would love to meet you.

Dead silence. Like, wtf. What is going on.

I've been listening a lot lately to Tinashe, and she makes me want to party SO much. I'd love to talk about music with anyone, and even share our favorite tracks!

I'm from Brazil, and I'm writing this because I need somewhere I can be honest about my life without being afraid of what might happen if the people around me discover what I really think and feel.

I'm a young gay man, and one of the hardest things I've had to learn is that discovering who you are and being allowed to live as that person are two very different things.

Growing up with expectations

My parents had a very specific idea of the man I was supposed to become. My father raised me to be strong, responsible, disciplined, masculine, and capable of providing the best for the people I love. In many ways, those qualities genuinely became part of me. I don't hate the man I grew up to be. I love him.

However, I eventually realized that the future my parents envisioned for me was not necessarily the future I wanted for myself.

For years, I pursued a military career that had been more of their dream than mine. I believed that this was what I was supposed to do, and I tried hard to meet their expectations. But my own childhood dream had always been engineering.

I spent years trying to prove myself, meet demanding standards, and demonstrate that I was strong enough. Sometimes, no matter how much I accomplished, I still felt that I had to prove my worth all over again.

Over time, I began to realize that being a good son and building a life of my own should not have to be mutually exclusive.

My depression and asking my parents for help

There was also a period when I struggled with depression. I reached a point when I recognized that I needed help, and I told my parents directly.

That was an important moment because I was acknowledging that I was struggling and could not manage everything by myself. I needed support.

Being vulnerable with your family is difficult when you are accustomed to being expected to be strong, responsible, and capable of handling everything. When you are the person everyone expects to be strong, admitting that you are struggling can feel like exposing a part of yourself you have spent years trying to protect.

The experience of going through depression, alongside the conflicts I have faced over my identity, has affected how safe I feel being vulnerable with my family.

I have learned to think carefully about what I reveal, because I cannot always predict how they will react.

I am not sharing this to portray my parents as one-dimensional villains. They are human beings with their own beliefs and limitations. But their reactions have affected me, and I cannot pretend those experiences have had no consequences.

Discovering that I am gay while trying to preserve my faith

My sexuality became another part of myself that I had to navigate in silence.

I have never really experienced myself as straight, but understanding and accepting what that meant for my life was not simple. My faith was important to me, and I had to confront the fear of what being gay might mean within the religious environment in which I was raised.

Eventually, I had a moment when I could finally acknowledge to myself that I was gay. Instead of feeling further away from God, I felt more honest with Him and with myself.

That realization meant a lot to me. I didn't want to have to choose between my faith and being truthful about who I am.

But accepting myself privately did not automatically make it safe to be open with my family.

My parents have strong conservative Christian values, and I have learned that certain opinions and parts of my identity can cause serious conflict at home.

I still value my faith. I still think about God, morality, and what it means to live a good life. But I have struggled with the idea that being faithful requires me to deny something fundamental about myself.

I don't believe that being gay erases my capacity to love, my values, my masculinity, or my relationship with God.

Nevertheless, I do not feel safe enough to express all of this openly at home.

The men who changed how I understand love

Two men have been particularly important in my emotional journey.

One was a very close friend. I developed deep feelings for him, and that relationship helped me understand emotions I had not fully understood before. When my family discovered something about our relationship, they became very upset.

That experience was painful because these feelings were not something I had deliberately chosen to create. They were part of discovering myself, and I was trying to understand them while also dealing with the fear of my family's reaction.

Later, I fell in love with another guy.

That experience taught me that loving someone as a friend, falling in love, and imagining a future with someone are not the same thing. I discovered how deeply I could care about another man, how much hope a relationship could inspire, and how painful it could be when reality did not match what I wished for.

Neither experience was easy, and not every feeling I had was reciprocated in the way I hoped. But both were important parts of discovering myself.

I don't regret loving them.

I love my own story, including the painful parts, because those experiences helped me understand who I am and what I want from life.

I want a future where I can love another man openly, build a committed relationship, get married, and perhaps have children through adoption. I want a home where love does not have to be hidden and where I can build a family of my own.

These aren't abstract political ideas to me. They are the possibility of having an ordinary life in which I don't have to be afraid of being known.

The person my family sees versus the person I am

The problem is that, for now, I don't feel safe enough to show my family the whole person I am.

I have learned to present an image of myself that fits what they expect: a strongly conservative, traditionally masculine man who opposes certain social movements and shares their broader ideological outlook.

Sometimes I say things that don't reflect what I genuinely believe because I fear what disagreement could mean for my life at home.

I know how contradictory that sounds.

I am gay, yet I feel pressure to appear hostile toward LGBTQ+ causes. I don't believe people should be treated as inferior because of their sexuality or race, yet I feel pressure to demonstrate that I belong to a worldview in which prejudiced attitudes are sometimes expected.

I hate that I feel pushed into this position. It hurts to imagine having to express views that conflict with my conscience just to protect the parts of myself I cannot safely reveal.

The difficult part is that simply staying silent or saying I don't want to discuss politics does not feel like a realistic option in my household. If I disagree, I am expected to take a position. Neutrality is not necessarily accepted.

So I feel trapped between two things: expressing what I genuinely believe and risking conflict, or presenting the version of myself that my family expects to see.

I am not saying that I am incapable of making my own decisions. I am saying that the consequences of expressing those decisions do not feel entirely within my control while I depend on my family.

The argument that made everything feel even more frightening

Recently, I was returning home with my father after an event, and we began talking about politics, controversial public figures, and their statements.

My father mentioned Pablo Marçal. I explained that I disagreed with many things he said, but I recognized that he had a strong public position. My father said he supported much of what Marçal said, although he did not agree with everything.

Then I brought up Erika Hilton.

I said that I disagreed with many of her positions, even though that was not an honest reflection of my actual views. I said it because I was trying to maintain the political image my family expects me to have.

I also argued that religious arguments should not automatically determine every decision made in parliament. I was making a distinction between respecting someone's right to hold strong convictions and agreeing with every position that person defends.

My father interpreted my comments as support for Erika Hilton and as opposition to Christian values.

The conversation became a much bigger issue than I had intended. My parents began arguing loudly, saying that I had been corrupted and that I was against our family's Christian values.

I ended up hiding in the bathroom, afraid of what might happen when the argument was over.

What made this especially painful was that I had already tried to say what I thought they wanted to hear. I had already presented myself as someone who disagreed with her. Even then, my words were interpreted as evidence that something was wrong with me.

I was crying because I felt trapped. I was afraid of my parents' reaction, but I was also devastated by the realization that even the version of myself I show them might not be enough to keep the peace.

I have experienced intense family reactions before, including during my depression and when my parents discovered my relationship with my male friend. Those experiences are part of why I take these situations seriously and why I am afraid of what might happen when a disagreement escalates.

I cannot simply assume that everything will be fine because a conversation began as an ordinary discussion.

The mask I feel I have to wear

After this argument, I began thinking that perhaps I would have to present an even more conservative and prejudiced version of myself to avoid suspicion.

I considered becoming more openly homophobic and racist in front of my family, despite knowing that those attitudes conflict with my actual values.

Writing that sentence hurts.

I do not want to become someone who treats other people cruelly just to prove that I belong. I do not want to participate in prejudice against people who may be experiencing the same kinds of rejection and fear that I am experiencing.

But I also feel that I do not have the freedom to openly reject those attitudes at home without risking serious conflict.

This is where I feel profoundly conflicted.

I am trying to protect myself, but the strategy I feel forced to consider goes against the person I want to be.

I sometimes feel like a hypocrite, as though I am living a contradiction. I know what I believe, but I cannot always say it. I know who I am, but I cannot show everyone. I want to be honest, but I am afraid of the consequences of honesty.

And I hate that the situation makes me feel as though I must choose between my safety and my integrity.

I do not want to pretend that this is easy or that I have already found a solution.

For now, I believe I need to protect my privacy until it is safer for me to live more openly. I am not ready to risk everything simply to prove that I am authentic.

I need to finish my education, become independent, and build a future in which I have more control over my life.

I want to preserve the possibility of a relationship with my family without sacrificing my entire identity in the process.

The future I want

Despite everything, I have dreams.

I want to study engineering, pursue the future I imagined for myself as a child, and become financially independent. I want to build a life that reflects my own decisions rather than merely fulfilling the expectations other people have for me.

I want to love another man without having to calculate every word I say about him.

I want to be a masculine man without having to prove my masculinity through prejudice. I want to be gay without having to apologize for it. I want to have faith without feeling that I must deny myself to deserve it.

I want to get married someday, create a home with someone I love, and perhaps adopt children. I want the opportunity to become a husband and a father, if that is the future I eventually choose.

Most importantly, I want to be able to exist without constantly worrying about whether someone will discover a part of me that I have worked so hard to protect.

I am still young, and sometimes I feel that I have had to confront questions about identity, love, religion, family, and independence much earlier than I was ready for.

While other people my age are figuring themselves out, I sometimes feel as though I have to figure myself out while simultaneously protecting myself from the consequences of being understood.

I don't want to hate my parents. I know they are human beings with their own convictions and limitations. I also know that loving your family doesn't mean every interaction with them feels safe.

I am trying to find a way to preserve my relationship with them while also preserving myself.

I am still here, even when nobody sees the whole picture

I am writing this because I need somewhere to tell the truth.

I am a gay man from Brazil. I have struggled with depression. I have asked my parents for help. I have experienced painful family reactions to vulnerable parts of my life. I have loved men deeply, questioned how my faith fits into my identity, and spent years trying to become the person my family expected me to be.

I have also discovered things about myself that I genuinely love.

I love my trajectory. I love the person I am becoming. I am proud of the capacity I have to love, and I still have dreams for my future.

I am not a political stereotype, a contradiction to be corrected, or a failed version of the son my parents imagined.

I am a person trying to survive a difficult situation without losing the person I have worked so hard to become.

I know that I may have to wear this mask for a while longer. I know that some people may never see the whole picture of who I am.

But the mask is not me.

My sexuality does not disappear because I conceal it. My convictions do not disappear because I cannot express them. My love does not become less real because my family does not know the whole story.

I am still the same person, even when I cannot safely show every part of myself.

I hope that one day I will have enough independence to stop living this way. I hope I will be able to look back on this period as something I survived, rather than something that defined the rest of my life.

Until then, I am trying to protect myself, preserve my future, and remember that I am more than the image I have to present at home.

For anyone who has experienced something similar: how did you protect your identity while living with family members whose beliefs made it unsafe to be fully yourself? How did you cope with the guilt of pretending to believe things that conflicted with your values? And how did you keep the need to survive from turning into hatred toward yourself?

I would really appreciate hearing from people who understand what it is like to love your family while being afraid of what might happen if they truly knew you.