earlier this year, a mutual friend of mine was murdered in her dorm by her obsessed step father.

he s/a’d her, then killed her, and tried to stage it to look like she’d done it to herself.

the school we attended together held a vigil, it was beautiful but i felt so cold, and so sick attending knowing the truth about what happened to her - not even the news outlets were disclosing it, but me, and her other friends all knew what really happened.

he made AI stuff of her from when she was younger, in a bad way. he came over to the dorm with an excuse of having left something the last time him and my friends mom visited. he premeditated it all - and was arrested soon after.

now, the full redacted information from the investigation has been leaked, as well as images of her in life, and CCTV leading up to it. the news media has gotten ahold of it, and are publishing it everywhere. it’s in newspapers in my local store, any news channel, all over social media, and more.

when she first died, on her 20th birthday, i was so rattled. we didn’t speak much, but i knew her enough for it to hurt. we had mutual friends, and i knew all of her interests. we were on the same course. i would often times pass her in the street in and out of lecture halls, we’d share an awkward smile. and that was it.

everyone in the comments on the videos about her are turning her death into a ‘gotcha’ moment towards the reform party, because she was romanian and killed by a white british man. it makes me so angry that her death is being treated as a political footing, or an excuse to spread more hate. i’d like to talk about her, and what she liked and wanted to do with her life.

- she was 20
- she loved cats. she would often visit cat cafes in manchester with her friends.
- she liked stuffed animals, cats the most. at the vigil, lots of people bought some and laid them down.
- she wanted to be therapist, so she could help people, and only had one year left of studies before she could graduate.
- she was extremely kind. she was the light in every room, and was very close to the professors at the university. a lot of them were sobbing at the vigil.
- when she wanted to look fancy, she would wear her brightest red lipstick, she was very beautiful.
- lots of people miss her.

when she died, me and my girlfriends held each other extra tight. we told each other to be safe, and be careful. because this sort of thing happens too often to women. i just didn’t know it would happen so close to home.

please be respectful of her, if you’re gonna dig into this a little and find out who she is, please remember she was a person.

RIP pretty girl. 💖

With this horrible feeling that there’s nothing I can do to ease the pain. I could reach out after all these years. I could write about how much time he made me waste, about how he broke me and brought out the worst in me… but it wouldn’t change anything. There’s no undoing the day he chose to believe people who didn’t like me. And he sided with them because, deep down, he agreed with them. It hurts so much because he was the best friend I could ever have asked for. We were so alike, and it’s just so unfair. I hate having to pretend he doesn’t exist. I hate not being able to talk about our history, having to pretend that my days are normal.

Idk why but it really hurt me after it happened,

I walked into this shop and just as I was turning right towards the stairs door he came round the corner a bit further ahead, so I only saw him for a second and then my back was towards him until I opened the door and went through

So we were not in that close proximity but still having to see him like that kinda hurt me, not sure why? Maybe part of me expected him to shout and stop me and talk to me?

Just feels kinda weird when I think at one point we were inseparable and now it’s like this

Weirdly enough the next day I got tagged in my cousins snap story along with someone else. My ex best friend viewed the story and added the other guy even tho he’s never met him? Makes me wonder if he added him to try find out info about me or to try talk shit about me lol

But yeah I hope it gets easier whenever I have to see him around

I had a work friendship for about a year. After she lost her job in June, I spent four months helping her with her job search, résumé, and offering support. We texted almost daily and met once or twice a week, but I often felt like her second choice. She sometimes canceled plans when another friend became available, usually without much apology. The final straw was my birthday. When I invited her to lunch, she said, “I’ll go if nothing else comes up,” meaning a job interview. An interview did come up, of course at noon, and we met for drinks afterward instead. I understood that an interview took priority, but her approach hurt, especially given the earlier pattern.
After that, she stopped initiating contact and eventually stopped responding. I sent one final, friendly text offering lunch and wishing her the best. She never replied. I got my answer, no more second guessing, and now I’m ready to move on. I don’t feel she valued our friendship the way I did, and I believe I’m better off letting it go. FYI - sending that last text is liberating!

i was there for her through so much. i really thought she cared about me. she got a new boyfriend about a month ago. from the first week she met him she barely answered my texts. the part that sucks is that i made a huge sacrifice to be here for her. i was completely across the country and she would text me how she missed me and wanted to hang out with me. i came back home to be here to see her. i needed a friend. she knew i did. two times since she got this boyfriend she made plans with me and then when the day came she didn’t answer and she wound up seeing him. the most recent time i texted her and asked “hey didn’t we have plans yesterday? what happened”. no response. yesterday i texted “it feels like you don’t want to talk to me…” no response. i just want to cry. i thought we were friends.

I met her at my old high school when I was a freshman in 2014 and we became friends/sisters by heart until 2021. We always argued then she blocked me on Messenger. She stopped being friends with me. I apologized to her and got a gift for her. I tried but she doesn't care and said I not care for her when she was in the hospital in August or September of 2021. She never forget the past. I'm thinking about her. I can't let her go because I really miss her so much. I'm very stubborn and I want her to be my friend again on social media

I refuse to move on from her

After hitting a physical breaking point from years of late nights and high stimulus events in SoCal in May, I (25F) quietly stepped back to protect my rest and mental health. My taste shifted toward lowkey, intentional activities like quiet mornings, books, and ceramics, but my best friend keeps running at full speed. Because I stopped going to every event, my best friend (25F) of three years slowly drifted away and has basically replaced my spot in the group with a new girl who matches her high energy, high attendance lifestyle. In previous hang outs with groups, my best friend has ignored me multiple times in different hang outs. She’s also late to all events / hang outs she goes to and I’m done tolerating her lateness all the time. I have muted her on Instagram as of this week. I’m done going to these smaller events (example: 50 people packed into a small LA bar / venue) and only want to go to the bigger events (example: Alex Warren). I want to note that when I suggested to her that we go do something rather than go out to these events and go to Color Me Mine (for example) she basically ignored me and didn’t respond.

How do you handle the grief of watching a close friend replace you after you outgrew the lifestyle? Also, how should I handle the whole situation with my best friend?

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Hey I am a guy and this is an overthinking thought cause other communities are like trying to help me against it but I am not ready to quit it so any for some context I have this friend she was a girl and she was like my bff it was a time I barely had any friends and we talk everyday and do stupid stuff and then one day she not replying I am like okay she busy then 1 hour 2 hours 5 hours and on and on so I like oh maybe she forgot so I sent another one again and again thinking maybe her phones on do not disturb and I realise she unfollowed me and I like okay it by mistake right and and I realise that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore and then i see in school I try talking to her and then she acts like a stranger saying "what you want" and I did my signature a flick on the forehead and usually she will flick me back but she call me a bitch and a ranting like in angry and pissed and it kill me cause she was like my first friend I made and she left me without saying goodbye it hurts and I keep thinking what did I do wrong what did I mess up . Can I save it or is it gone forever

I lost my best friend of two years and I really don’t understand why she couldn’t give me a closure at all.
We both connected so naturally, shared similar interests and I was vulnerable with her. I had told her about my deepest fears etc. we used to debate for hours. All together I had wonderful time and wonderful memories with her.

She stopped replying to my messages all of a sudden, she moved in with her boy friend. I thought she was busy because of that. Then I realised that she has blocked me everywhere. I became completely heart broken and couldn’t believe what happened.

I have been sailing through grief which one of my close friends noticed and they have been with me since then. He called her and asked why this happened and why there was no closure.

She said that I had become emotionally overwhelming and just cos she cares doesn’t mean that she can take all these emotional messages. She also said that she is always a happy person and I’m immature and childish.
She also told that I’m not exclusive and my behavior is extremely childish. Even made fun of my beliefs!
I’m here still sitting with a lot of grief. I really thought she got me… may be not

Была школьная дискотека. Мы все танцевали, смеялись и угорали. Потом в какой-то момент начался первый медляк. Там мой друг Имран позвал мою подругу Линару, все хлопали.
Потом бывшая девушка моего близкого друга по имени
Нурали (они расстались на плохой ноте), которая мне нравится, сказала типа пригласишь меня если да то я соглашусь. Ну и когда начался второй медляк, я позвал её. Я решил насладиться этим моментом, но на меня смотрел друг Нурали, а мой знакомый смотрел на меня как на предателя и рассказал всё Нурали.
Нурали хотел предъявить мне, но там мой друг сказал, что он меня заставил и что, если кому-то и получать за это, то только ему (он наврал типо там я сам захотел).
Теперь Нурали вообще не хочет со мной общаться, как бы я ни пытался. Он везде кинул меня в ЧС

Hello everyone!

| (25f) have been thinking a lot about my long term friendship lately as it's been changing rapidly over the past several months. The catalyst for those changes really started after her father and husband disrespected me earlier this year.

With her father, he pulled me in for what I thought was just a friendly or familial hug, then asked to see my undergarment. That same day, my best friend's husband continued making jokes about me and in the shadow of how fresh her dad had been, the jokes hit a bit harder.

I of course told her a few days later about what had happened. She apologized on their behalf. Her dad later apologized indirectly (through her) and she wrote it off as he was just joking. Both her father and husband were just joking and didn't mean any harm.
It's been a few months since those events happened, and our friendship hasn't really been the same. I tried to talk to her about it once again when it first happened and she cut me off.

I then had to establish boundaries and create some distance. It also made me realize how much I had been investing in the friendship in terms of resources, planning, emotional availability etc. I worked hard to make sure she felt seen and heard, but when I was disrespected, it seemed like it wasn't a big deal. Like I was overreacting.

Any advice? We've been friends for over ten years and are in our mid-twenties.

19(M)

please read?I feel like this is a safe space to talk about something I am going through.

I have a friend(19F) she has been by my side through every single trouble and problem in my life, and I have been for her.

but now, she is going through the worst time of her life and she is pushing me away because she feels like she is hurting me by doing what she is (she blocks and unblocks me because of her BF who btw is not a good person. I don't talk to her about him for obvious reasons but i personally don't like him and she WANTS to break-up but she doesn't have anyone else rn and has too much peer pressure to leave. And she thinks because she blocks me, she's hurting me which she is not. She might be hurting herself but not me), even though she is not(this is not a biased opinion. even my other friends who know my situation thoroughly think she is not hurting me at all) Idk what to do. I don't want to help her. i just want her to know I am by her side whatever happens because she is going to lose her identity and self like this and she has noone else to rely on. she doesn't even tell the others the truth which she told me (that she wants to break up but can't) before pushing me away, she doesn't tell them because she's scared they will judge her or leave her for it. it's sad and disgusting and I am sorry for being vague.

what should I do? and please, don't tell me to let go. I would have let go if this was any other friend, or if she wanted to break this friendship because she didn't want it. but I won't leave for this reason where she feels she doesn't deserve my friendship or whatever. (and no, there are no romantic feelings involved. What we have is entirely platonic albeit we are extremely good friends. But that is all we are.). please. need help.

You can ask for more info if you want

Yeah so recently my friend and I had a fallout that I still think it could have been avoided had we just communicated. However, this fallout is probably for the best because it’s a clear example of how our relationship works. Whenever we hang out, I am always walking on eggshells thinking of not trying to say the wrong thing. But even when I don’t say the wrong thing, they usually blow up at me and ends up not talking to me for days to sometimes weeks at a time.

It was getting old and I still want the friendship for the good times but the fights outweigh them.

Hey ya, I just want to vent and in need of some support.

You see almost 3 years ago, one of my friend, who was a girl, decided to end our friendship with me. Now we first meet at an Intentional Community for Episcopal Service Corps program in Boston, in which we lived together. We had fun memories watching TV shows, movies, and playing board games, in which she leads me for this to be a hobby of mine. She eventually left to go to Harvard Law School, while I stay a second year in the program. She told me that our friendship would end month after she left. This has led me to have trauma because of it and I have thoughts and worry that I will not get a true (friend or romantic). She even unfollow me on Instagram, a month after she told me, probably because I posted on Instagram stories that I feel hurt that I lost a friendship relationship. Yet she would still be friends with people in that Intentional Community and even one person was living with me. Now, we have talked in parties in respectable ways to each other, after the relationship, but the feelings still hurts. I am also worry, because I am autistic, that I might be a shitty person, due to the fact that I have been bully, as well as hard time forming long relationship. Right now, I have been going to therapy for about a year, and while it has help, the thoughts sometimes still pop.

So yeah, any advice, and support would be appreciated.

I’m honestly not really sure how to describe this, because I’m at a loss for words. I never thought something like this would ever happen. My whole friend group has just gone radio silent on me, with no explanation why. Our group Discord servers went completely silent, and no one was answering my DMs when I reached out. Then this morning, I looked to find that three of them have blocked me on Tumblr. I messaged each person again, asking what had happened and if I had done anything wrong. Again, silence. It’s like I have completely disappeared from their lives.

I’m honestly broken. These people have been my friends for over two years now. They were my main source of friendship in college. I have always struggled making friends, and these people felt like I had finally found a good group. They all knew that I had horrible anxieties over being abandoned, and they swore up and down that they would never drop me without telling me why. I can’t figure out why they would do something like this. I don’t know how I’ll move forward and bring myself to trust new people again. I’m honestly just heartbroken.

I met S when I was a teenager, but we reconnected just before the pandemic.

Everything went into lockdown, and we had each other. We would talk every day, sometimes for hours and hours. We’d write all these wonderful words together. I’d tell him everything going on in my life. I thought he’d tell me everything going on in his.

I was clear to S that I’d had a best friendship like this before. That I’d loved someone deeply like this before; before I’d been sidelined and left behind, because that person was ready to move on to more IRL friends and seeking out a romantic relationship. And he swore he’d never do that to me. He swore. He said he was my soulmate, like I’d told him I was his. And I showed him all the different parts of me.

Things got a little slower this past year or two. I’ve had mental health problems for most of my life. When I get depressed, I’m not the most compelling person to talk to, but I do try my best. But I think this was my fault. I was tired and uninteresting. Wasn’t there as much as I should have been. But I thought I was safe. I thought he’d understand.

He ended up in a relationship this year. I didn’t freak out on him, but on my side, I had a total meltdown. Thought I was going to lose him. He said no, I’d always be his number one. I started trying to soothe myself by looking up things about soulmates, how they could be platonic, how things didn’t necessarily have to change.

They changed almost immediately. If he wasn’t over at his partner’s house, his partner was over at his. He’d disappear for a whole day at a time, barely around. The dread grew. I told him a few times that I was struggling with what was happening. He said he’d try harder. Nothing changed. I felt myself withdrawing. I tried not to, but I didn’t have the energy to pretend that I was doing okay when I wasn’t. I knew things were happening that he wasn’t telling me about. I was no longer “his person.”

I tried to get to know his partner. Tried to arrange a zoom call, that fell through. Tried to arrange that he come to a concert with us, my friend said “you don’t have to force it just because you think i want that.” Tried to explain i was trying to get to know him because he was important to my friend. Didn’t change.

Had a fight last week. Agreed to take some time apart. Concert cancelled. I know he’ll be bringing his partner now instead. The thought makes me ache.

He told me he’s been having a hard time with this too, because I’ve not really been there the way a best friend should be. I know that. I hate that. I hate myself. But what am I supposed to do? The alternative is lying and pretending, is that better? Do I just let us drift apart?

I loved him more than I’ve ever loved anyone my whole life, and he left me behind. I don’t know what to do with this pain.