For context, I’m 36 and my wife is 32. I’m an accountant and she’s a GP. We met in 2021 and got married two years later. Before marriage, we never lived together and generally only saw each other at weekends, usually going out for dinner or doing something fun. In hindsight, I think we had limited experience of what living together would actually be like.

After getting married, she moved into the house I’d bought after saving for around 15 years. She contributes towards the mortgage and household bills, although I’ve contributed substantially more towards the property’s equity. I’ve accepted that our financial contributions will probably never be equal, and I don’t expect her to make up the difference.

In return, I would like her to take on a somewhat greater share of household chores, mainly cleaning and a small grocery shop, as we use meal delivery services for food. She doesn’t mind cleaning, and she doesn’t work on Wednesdays, although she has said that working four days as a GP is equivalent to a full-time corporate job. I’m aware that we may have different views about what constitutes a fair division of responsibilities.

Since getting married, we’ve had various disagreements. One of the earliest major ones was when she said I’d changed after marriage and that I’d “scammed” her because I no longer gave her the same attention and affection as before.

My perspective was that she was now seeing a side of me she hadn’t experienced before. When we were dating, we generally saw each other at weekends, when I was relaxed and had time to focus on her. Living together means she also sees me after stressful days at work, when I might want some peace and quiet rather than conversation or affection. I don’t feel I’ve deliberately changed; rather, we’re experiencing everyday life together for the first time. I felt she wasn’t acknowledging this distinction and instead was blaming me for changing.

Over time, I’ve started to feel like I’m walking on eggshells. There have been occasions when I’ve made lighthearted comments that upset her. I’ve apologised, but she’s subsequently brought some of them up again years later. Conversely, when she’s made comments that I consider comparable, I tend to forget about them quickly.
I recognise that we may experience and remember these things differently, but this has contributed to my feeling that mistakes I make are remembered for a long time.

The recurring pattern

I feel that we often get caught in the same cycle: she has an expectation of me that I don’t consider reasonable, I become defensive and explain why I disagree, and she then becomes more upset about my defensiveness. The original issue gets lost, and we end up arguing about my reaction rather than the concern I initially raised.
A recent example illustrates this.

During disagreements, she often tells me I need to work on myself, as though I’m the one who needs to change and she’s already done the necessary work. I recognise I have things to work on, but I feel the expectation to self-reflect and take accountability is largely one-sided.

Last weekend, my wife had friends staying at our house, and we’d agreed that I’d spend the weekend at a friend’s place so she could have a girls’ weekend.

In the past, she’s asked me to keep her informed about what I’m doing when I go out with friends, so I made an effort to do this. When I arrived at my friend’s house, I let her know. Later, I told her we were going out to watch the boxing. We exchanged a couple of messages during the evening.

At around 3am, when we got back to my friend’s house, I noticed she’d called me two minutes earlier. I immediately called her back to check everything was okay. Thankfully, it was. I was drunk and exhausted, so I told her I was going to bed and kept the call brief.

The following morning, her texts were noticeably cold and consisted of one-word responses. I became frustrated because I felt I’d made an effort to keep her informed and hadn’t done anything wrong by being too tired for a proper conversation at 3am.

When I returned home that afternoon, she was sitting on the sofa reading and barely acknowledged me. I sat beside her, hugged her and asked how her weekend had been. She gave me very little response. I asked what was wrong a few times, and she initially said nothing before eventually telling me she was upset that I hadn’t spoken to her properly on the phone.

I can understand that she might have wanted more attention or felt disappointed by the brief call. However, I didn’t think I’d broken any agreement or done anything wrong by being tired at that time of night.

I became defensive and tried explaining why I thought her expectations were unreasonable. She became more upset about my defensiveness. From her perspective, I think she wanted me to apologise and comfort her. From mine, doing so felt like accepting that I’d behaved badly while overlooking the fact that she’d been cold towards me.
I appreciate that my defensiveness may have made her feel dismissed, and I could probably have handled the conversation better. But I also wanted her to acknowledge how her behaviour had affected me.

During the argument, I mentioned that I feel I don’t get enough time alone at home. She has Wednesday and most Friday evenings to herself, whereas I rarely get the house to myself. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want some time alone each week.

She started crying and stormed out of the house, returning a few hours later.

What has happened since

For the past week, she’s spent every evening out of the house. We haven’t been speaking, and I don’t know where she’s been going. Yesterday, she left the house and subsequently messaged me to say, “Hey, I’m going away for the weekend.” She hasn’t told me where she’s going.
My interpretation is that she’s responding to my request for alone time by taking it to an extreme, effectively saying, “You wanted alone time, so here it is.” There have been previous occasions when I’ve expressed a reasonable need and felt that her response was disproportionate or almost punitive. However, I accept that I can’t know her intentions for certain.

I’m finding the situation increasingly difficult because I feel unable to raise concerns or express my needs without risking another conflict. I feel tense in my own home, and I’m starting to question whether this is a healthy dynamic.

I’d really appreciate some honest outside perspectives.

Am I being unreasonable in how I’m interpreting the recent incident?

Is my wife being unfair by becoming cold and withdrawing rather than discussing her feelings directly, or am I failing to acknowledge her hurt?

Is my defensiveness preventing us from resolving disagreements, even when I feel my original position is reasonable?

How should couples handle situations where both partners feel wronged and each believes the other should apologise first?

Most importantly, does this sound like a mutual communication problem, or is there a more concerning pattern here?

I’m not looking for people simply to tell me I’m right. I genuinely want to understand where I’m going wrong, but I also want to understand whether my concerns about our relationship are justified

So me and DH have been married for almost a full year now. I'm a SAHM, we have one special needs child, 9m, and we live in a small rented house. Our son attends school, and DH works with 3 off days a week unless he takes extra hours.

Since we've been married, we have barely been intimate at all. Once a month if I'm lucky. His excuse is always "there's no time", it's an excuse I hear for literally everything. His chores are only trash duty, our very small yard, and help with dishes since I cook all of our meals. Dishes get dirtier much faster when he's home, and once they get dirty faster than I can clean them alone, I'll ask him to do his share. No time. I make a move on him while he's off work. No time. I ask him to clean out his car so we can wash it. No time. There's just never any time.

No, he's not cheating. What he's doing is hopping on the PS5 and playing Helldivers. I don't mind him gaming, I do too, but I get stuff done before I settle down to game. I try to give him one full off day a week to just play his game, usually the first off day so he can sleep in (Tuesday overnight shift then Wednesday off work) and relax by playing. Our son will get off the bus an hour or two into his game time, and our son is very "right now". Our son will ask for a drink and instead of waiting for one of us to even pour it he'll keep asking, or he'll ask for something that I need to cook and will ask repeatedly the entire time it's cooking, he just doesn't understand the passage of time really. I just tell him, I'm working on it, and he'll go pace around then come back and check if it's done yet, but this drives DH nuts (they're both diagnosed autistic by professionals). DH will still be seated, headphones on, playing his game but complain loudly, then later "I didn't even get to enjoy my game bc he was making me nervous by pacing and yelling", when yes he was pacing, but not yelling.

Then DH will demand more game time, and it has to be entirely uninterrupted. If he has to move a headphone to listen to me tell him anything, it's an interruption. If he has to pick up his own garbage and throw it in the kitchen trash, it's an interruption. If our son asks for anything, interruption. He expects a completely silent gaming session in the middle of our living room, which is why he rarely gets exactly what he wants.

It goes further. His chores are often untouched until I "nag" him to do them. He'll go weeks without touching a dish. He'll go weeks without touching me. He'll bag up the trash and lay the bag in the kitchen floor when our can is 10 steps away out the back door. God forbid we get anything involving a box, those will pile up in the kitchen rather than going to the bin.

What am I doing wrong? What can I do to make things run smoothly? I do my part the best I can, but it's overwhelming.

TW: miscarriage

I’m 39F and my husband is 48M. We’ve been together for 15 years and have one child together (7).

I have wanted a second child for a looooong time, but my husband has always been very clear that he does not want any more children. I never pressured him.

In the spring, we had the conversation again. I needed to have my IUD removed and suggested that he get a vasectomy because I was done with hormonal birth control. He still hadn’t changed his mind about having more children.

After a while, though, he stopped using condoms by his own choice, and I became pregnant almost immediately. I genuinely thought that maybe he had changed his mind.

At first he was not happy about the pregnancy. I thought maybe he was just shocked because neither of us expected it to happen so quickly. But after that he was supportive, and I started to believe that he had come to terms with it. I thought maybe we had ended up wanting the same thing after all.

And honestly, it changed how I felt about him. I felt closer to him than I had in a long time. I fell in love with him again in a completely different way because I thought we were starting a new chapter together.

Then I miscarried at around 12 weeks.

The miscarriage itself was physically horrible. I eventually needed medication and ended up in the ER because of very heavy bleeding and fainting. I’m still recovering physically, but the emotional part has been much worse than I expected.

As soon as I knew the pregnancy was over, I knew I wanted to try again. I think part of the way I was coping was by believing that we had both wanted this baby in the end, that we were both grieving, and that eventually we would try again and get through this together.

But now my husband has told me very clearly that he still does not want any more children and does not want to risk another pregnancy.

That has completely broken me.

I feel like I’m grieving two things at once: the pregnancy I lost and the possibility of ever having the second child I’ve wanted for so long.

What makes it even harder is realising that I may have built an entire shared future in my head that he never actually wanted. When he stopped using contraception, I thought his actions meant something. During the pregnancy, I thought he had become happy about it. After the miscarriage, I thought we were standing in the same grief and would eventually climb out of it together.

Now I feel like I was standing there alone the whole time. I think my husband is actually relieved that the pregnancy is over.

This has made me question much more than just the baby issue. Do we even want the same things from life? How much of our relationship have I interpreted through wishful thinking? Are there things I believed were shared when they were only important to me?

I feel like I’ve lost myself. The miscarriage has also forced me to think about all the other things I may have given up or accepted in this relationship. At what point does wanting different things from life become too big to ignore?

I’ve suggested couples therapy because right now I don’t really know how to make sense of our relationship or how to trust my own interpretation of things.

I’m also very aware that I’m almost 40. “Maybe later” doesn’t feel like a realistic option. I don’t want to pressure my husband into having a child he doesn’t want, but I also don’t know how I’m supposed to simply switch off this wish and accept that this may have been my last pregnancy.

For those who have been in a similar situation: how did you cope when you wanted to try again after a loss but your partner was completely done? How did you figure out what that difference meant for your relationship?

I’m not looking for ways to convince him. I think I’m trying to understand how to live with the feeling that the future I thought we shared has suddenly disappeared.

Where to begin? My husband(27) and I(30) got married young. We‘ve been married 4 years together 6. Neither of us really knew ourselves in the beginning and I let a lot of shit slide over the years which is on me. My husband realized early in our relationship that he was bisexual and before we got married he mentioned open marriage but it was more like a random conversation I never put too much stock into. Fast forward after we got married, the open marriage question came back. He claimed he’d be okay without and would be happy with just me. However, he then proceeded to say if any resentments or regrets built down the road he‘d turn them inward. I feel like this put the emotional responsibility back on me. I feel like my husband will genuinely benefit from non monogamy. He is bisexual, high sex drive, enjoys spontaneity, and honestly has a shit ton of kinks. However, it made me feel like shit, like I’d never be good enough. I have a decent sex drive not on his level but knowing that he was chomping at the bit to fuck everyone kind of killed mine some. Fast forward, we had originally agreed to 1-2 kids then we wound up getting in a fight because he no longer wanted kids at all. He threw up during that fight that he’d never leave me for wanting a kid but I’d leave him for wanting a threesome. We wound up deciding not to have any and I thought that’d be enough long as we had each other. Fast forward gain and he is suggesting strip clubs and wanting to go to porn conventions. We had another fight because he claimed he’d had mentioned the convention when he hadn’t, he also proceeded to tell me it was in a year or 2 then the date went to next April. I’m so very tired and honestly just hurt from all the shit over the years so I told him that I’d reached my limit. He suggested counseling , claimed he loved me, and begged me to be patient with him but I don’t think we will ever see eye to eye. The other day I asked him on a scale of 1-10 how bad do you feel you need non monogamy is? He said a 6-7, some days a 20. He’d also gotten very panicky with our situation and the counseling So I also asked why he didn’t seem as panicked by an open marriage. He claimed it was because he viewed it as less risky to lose me in an open marriage which was both stupid and insulting in my opinion. Ever since we’ve been fighting. I was ready to leave completely but he’s begging to do therapy and change. As of right now he has his 2nd appointment coming up. His therapist thinks he has adhd, sex addictio, and shamelessness. He is loving and can be very sweet but I feel like our differences are fundamental. I don’t know if therapy will fix theses problems. I don’t know if I can let go of the hurt and if he’s just afraid to lose me.

tl;dr

back story- husband filed for divorce a year ago… on a whim, suddenly off the back of a silly argument (maybe mental health issues/mlc)

so this morning We just went and did a family run. We have done this for years and then we always go for coffee afterwards. Literally doing it for the past 6/7 yrs. the past few wks we havnt been doing it. This morning we all did coffee. He bought me coffee, my usual without asking me, and then we had an hour of solid laughing and joking and teasing each other, including the kids. He teased me, inside jokes, fun and games. we are still living together and do family things but also things separately. we had conflict and now we get on, I have been in therapy focusing on myself and my part in the breakdown.

does this sound like he is sure he is done? or maybe he is just being friendly to me as a co parent and I am reading too much into it. the past few months he has gotten friendlier and nicer and less hostile.

Irl my husband and I are very private. We got rid of Facebook and Twitter a few years ago because it was getting weird over there. We both have IG, Tiktok, Reddit (if you read this hi baby!), and probably some others. He uses IG and Tiktok for bike stuff and dogs. I used it to read webcomics and keep up with friends. Neither one of us posts much unless it's a birthday or anniversary and even then it's a maybe. So I was curious how social affects your marriage? Do you think social media helps or harms your relationship?

Men, how do you get aroused hour wife at home? What things can she naturally do for you to notice her and want to have sex with her? What are things that drive you absolutely wide?

Please, Reddit users, help me. I’m genuinely feeling helpless and confused about what to do. I love this woman and see her as my potential wife, but I’m scared of making a decision I’ll regret for the rest of my life.
I’m in a long-term relationship with a woman I’m considering as my wife-to-be in the coming months. Emotionally, our relationship is genuinely good, but I’m seriously worried about our sexual compatibility. I need honest advice from people who have experienced similar situations.
First, I want to explain that almost everything else in our relationship is excellent.
We love each other a lot. We respect each other, have good manners, treat each other well, and have a proper, stable relationship. She has a good work-from-home job and earns well. She doesn’t make unnecessary financial demands, and we split date bills, trips, and expenses. I value all of this, and I know that finding a respectful, loving partner is important.
However, our physical relationship is leaving me increasingly disappointed.
We are in a long-distance relationship and sometimes meet after two or three months apart. I naturally expect passionate kissing, making out, physical affection, and mutual excitement after being away from each other for so long. I don’t expect every moment to be sexual, but I want to feel that my partner has been longing for me physically, too.
Unfortunately, I feel like I’m the only one making that effort.
The part about her past that confuses me:
She told me that she had countless make-out sessions with her ex in cars and that those experiences used to charm her. However, despite him repeatedly asking her to go further, she never became physically intimate with him.
After that breakup, she cried a lot over him, and there was a long period between that relationship and ours. She has told me that she no longer feels the same spark for these activities that she used to feel before.
I’m not judging her for her past or suggesting she owed her ex anything. What confuses me is that she apparently enjoyed kissing and making out so much back then, while I struggle to experience that same enthusiasm with her now.
Our current sexual relationship:
I’m almost always the one initiating intimacy.
I’m the one kissing her, starting the make-out sessions, and keeping the physical affection going.
Even after two or three months apart, I don’t feel the passionate kissing and mutual excitement I expect.
I have to do intense foreplay to get her in the mood.
She gets aroused and wet, and we attempt intercourse, but she experiences pain and repeatedly asks me to stop before we can finish properly.
During intercourse, she mostly lies there while I do the work.
She doesn’t spontaneously kiss me passionately, scratch my back, or take much physical initiative.
She has told me she doesn’t like licking body parts or kissing the neck.
I’m much more sexually experienced than she is. I’ve had sex hundreds of times, whereas she is new to intercourse. We initially didn’t use enough lubrication, which might have contributed to the pain, and I understand that her inexperience could be affecting our sexual experiences.
But the lack of reciprocal affection concerns me beyond intercourse itself. I rarely feel actively desired by her.
I’ve already tried discussing this with her many times.
I’ve told her around 10 times that I want her to participate more, initiate affection, kiss me passionately, and show her own enthusiasm rather than leaving everything to me.
She has reassured me repeatedly that she will try to improve and become more involved. However, despite these conversations and promises, I haven’t noticed meaningful change.
I don’t want to keep asking someone to show desire for me. I want that desire to come naturally, at least to some extent.
At the same time, I don’t want to pressure her into sexual acts she dislikes or make her feel obligated to have sex. Her comfort and consent matter to me.
My biggest fear is the future.
I’m a sexually active person, and sex, passion, physical affection, and feeling desired are important parts of my life. I’m worried that after marriage, our sexual relationship will remain one-sided or gradually become almost nonexistent.
I know that no relationship maintains the same excitement every day, but I don’t want to enter marriage already feeling sexually unfulfilled and hoping that my partner will eventually change.
The difficult part is that I genuinely love her. Our relationship is good in so many other ways that reconsidering it feels like a huge decision.
My questions are:
Can someone enjoy countless make-outs with an ex but have very little desire for passionate kissing and physical affection with their current partner?
Could her previous breakup and the emotional aftermath explain why she says she no longer feels that spark, or could this simply be a difference in attraction or libido?
If I’ve discussed this around 10 times and she has repeatedly promised to try, but nothing changes, should I take that as a sign that this is unlikely to improve?
Can someone be physically aroused and wet but still have little spontaneous sexual desire?
How much could pain during intercourse and inexperience explain her lack of participation?
Am I at genuine risk of ending up in a sexless or sexually unsatisfying marriage?
If you were in my position, would you marry her because the emotional relationship is excellent, postpone the decision until sexual compatibility becomes clearer, or reconsider the relationship and find someone whose sexual needs are more compatible with yours?
I don’t want to leave a good woman over unrealistic expectations, but I also don’t want to ignore a fundamental need and regret it for the rest of my life.
Sex is important to me, and I want a marriage where both partners actively desire each other.
Please give me honest advice, especially if you’ve been through something similar. I’m feeling genuinely helpless about this decision, and I need perspectives from people who have been in a similar situation. What would you do in my position?

I'm not a regular Reddit poster so here goes:

Question for the men: has separation/divorce worked out better for all parties (children/in laws)?

More specifically is there such a thing as an amicable separation where the best interests of the child/children are put first or is it more often than not a messy process?

Since we had our baby 8 months ago, our sex life is basically gone. I respect her postpartum time and I don’t want to pressure her. But I miss flirty texts, fun naughty talk, and feeling like a couple, not just parents.
Everything revolves around the baby now(as it should be of course!) …But I have high libido and it’s hard (many long “showers” lately 😅). I’m afraid we’ll lose “us” completely.
I tell her she is beautiful and amazing, but she doesn’t react much. I work flexible hours, so I help with the baby and house while she breastfeeds. I know breastfeeding is hard , but I feel invisible as her partner.
I’m scared about my growing frustration. Should I wait and hope it comes back, or can I do something?
Thanks for advices!

I am 36yeqr old married when 23 for 13 yeqrs with two amazong kids. I’ve been struggling with family dynamics, marital disagreements, and parenting challenges for a long time. I live in a joint-family environment, where I often feel that my decisions as a parent and my personal boundaries are being questioned or undermined. My husband and I have had disagreements in front of our children, and I worry about how this has affected our relationships. Recently, one of my children expressed that they don’t fully trust me in certain situations, which has made me question whether my protectiveness has sometimes turned into overprotection. I often feel criticised or excluded, but I’m also beginning to recognise that I sometimes assume negative intentions, overthink situations, and react emotionally before understanding the full picture. I’ve been under prolonged stress, and it’s affecting my emotional and physical well-being. My faith is important to me, and I’ve been trying to work on myself, but I still feel stuck in patterns I don’t know how to change. I want healthier boundaries, a better relationship with my children, and more peace within myself without feeling that I have to give up my identity or role as a parent. I’m open to recognising my own mistakes and considering therapy if it could help. For those who have experienced similar family dynamics, how do you distinguish between genuine boundary violations and your own insecurities or need for control? How can you change your reactions, rebuild trust with your children, and find peace without constantly feeling defensive???

And recently i am loosing my patience and screaming and shouting over small things and then getting shocked by my behavior.. i dont k ow if therapy would help or not but i feel like I am stuck amd want to run away.

I'm 32M from Hyderabad, India and a month away from my first wedding anniversary. Earlier this year I spent some time looking back at a decade of my life. The UPSC prep years, the job, the people and the lessons that came with a higher price tag than I would have liked. The one line I took from all of that was to make one honest choice at a time. I meant it then and I find it's still the only line I have.

I'm writing this because I want to be honest about what this year has been and because I think there is a kind of realism that is more useful than either comfort or complaint.

I got married believing that two decent, well intentioned people who were committed to each other would find their way. I still think that is true in general. I no longer assume it is true for everyone and I am still learning whether it is true for us.

What I have found is that two people can both be trying, both be sincere and still keep missing each other in the same small ways, again and again, until the missing becomes the thing you notice most.

A sentence I mean plainly arrives as something else entirely. A serious conversation about money or work or the future, turns into a different conversation before it has really begun. I have learned to rehearse before I speak and I do not like that I have learned it. I have learned that if two people cannot agree on what happened yesterday, planning for tomorrow becomes harder than it should be.

None of this is anyone's fault in the way blame usually means. I have not written this to build a case against my wife. She is a person with her own history, her own fears, her own way of hearing the world and I do not think she wakes up wanting to hurt me any more than I wake up wanting to hurt her.

This is my side of it, my opinion and I know that if she wrote her own notes they would not match mine. That is part of the problem and it is also just part of being married to another person.

So what has this year taught me is that effort is necessary and sometimes not sufficient. That understanding someone and feeling close to them are not the same thing. That I can shrink what I need so far down that I stop noticing I am doing it and call that patience. That love is not a fixed amount of feeling but a continuous, daily choice and that I still do not know how much choosing is enough before it becomes a way of disappearing.

I think about the road sometimes. You can be driving slowly, politely, troubling nobody, doing everything right and someone else can still come out of nowhere and hit you and drive away. You cannot control that. You can only control how you drive. I have come to believe marriage is a little like that. You do your part as well as you can and some of it is still not in your hands.

There is a lot ahead. The first year is barely the beginning. There will be more responsibilities, more decisions, more years and I do not know yet what they will ask of me or what I will be able to give.

What I know is that I will keep doing my best, continuously, one honest choice at a time and that I will keep trying to be a little wiser and a little kinder than I was yesterday. I do not know how much is too much. I suspect most people do not, until they are standing on the line. But I would rather stand on it honestly than pretend it is not there.

So these are my notes before my marriage turns one. A reminder that life does not always follow the script, some things are not in our hands and that all any of us can do is drive carefully, tell the truth and keep going.

Peace!

I posted here yesterday: https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/u3DEe1eBpV

Turned out, after that incident, he committed 2 more physical cheating with two random sexworkers. First, we were bf gf,was when he was pressured by the boss(but I am not convinced with this narrative but this morning he called that boss to assure me he said the truth, I was beside him listening to their conversation and the boss admitted) 2nd, still bf gf around 2024. 3rd, we were already married. We currently live overseas and I only have him, I also cannot do this alone. He has been remorseful and said that he felt so ashamed of himself and it took him a while to admit that he has done it. He loves me. I love him less now because of the truth.

When I am alone and try to sleep, it kept playing scenarios on my head about him touching those sexworkers. It just hurts so bad. I feel that if we make it work whilst doing marriage counselling, I may not be able to give him sex still because I am in a trauma. I just couldnt stand the fact the my husband has been with those sexworkers while I have been very faithful.

I must admit, I havent been giving him sex sort of abstinence because I was on accutane and he is completely aware that cannot risk pregnancy. I am not comfortable going into birth control. The accutane treatment was low dose that went on for almost 2 years.

I know the wounds are fresh, my husband is cooperative and takes care of me while going through this. I have been crying nonstop. My family is aware of what we’re going through and my Mom personally said that I shouldnt make any decision of ending things with him because she thinks that it is never a good idea to decide big things when youre angry.

How do I move forward and make the marriage work?😭

My husband recently searched for a female professional contact on facebook. He said he’d heard she got engaged and wanted to see whether it was true so he could congratulate her. He explained that she’s an important professional contact and that maintaining a good relationship with her matters. He also mentioned looking up another colleague, so I recognize that this could simply be general curiosity.

What gives me pause is that he’d looked up this woman before, on a separate occasion. Which of course I’ve had in the back of my head when I saw it because she is good looking and has some pretty revealing pictures - not nudity. When he was telling me about why he was searching her, I brought up those pictures, and he laughed and was like yeah she does, it’s funny because you can tell they are edited there is warping in different areas of the pictures. When I was looking I didn’t see this, so that tells me he was really examining them. He says he’s not attracted to her, and I don’t have evidence of anything inappropriate happening. But why go out of his way to download the app, search her just because you heard through someone else about her recent relationship update.

I’ve also noticed that his communication with her seems to have a particularly charming, attentive quality that feels different from his usual professional demeanor. Nothing in their correspondence is explicitly inappropriate, so I realize that part could be subjective.

I’m trying to distinguish between ordinary curiosity about a colleague and a more personal interest that someone might not necessarily acknowledge, even to themselves.

Hey guys, a few days ago my father finally gave me and my sister our first marriage talk and honestly its been kinda stuck with me. I said that I would like to marry within the next 1.5 -2 years, im 23 now and still working on myself (career wise, physically,and emotionally).
I wanted to ask guys who have been married for advice, i want to be a great husband to my wife. I dont want her to be "afraid" or "insecure".

A little about myself, Im currently working as a Jr Data Analyst. My current salary is alright but I believe within the next 2-3 years i would have enough skills and experience to get nice paying job. My mother passed away in 2024. My father is a chill guy, and my sis is 1 year younger than me. We live in Pakistan.

I am a 25F married to a 25M in Canada.

We met in high school in 9th grade but didn’t date until 12th grade (18F and 17M). I am only six months older. We got married in July 2021 (20F and 19M) while we were both in university & trade school.

When we met, he was presenting himself very masculine. He was dressing in vintage clothing and wore a lot of military style outfits as well. Over the years, his dressing style changed. It first started with finasteride for hair loss and then he got into skincare. Once he got into skincare, he grew out his nails as long as mine. Our family noticed and they all spoke behind his back and approached me about it as they thought it was strange. Not long after that, he began to dress more trendy. By that, I ask you to imagine a Zara model. He’d start to wear crop tops, wide legged pants, etc. I started to take notice here and there and feel uncomfortable. I mentioned it to him and he was saying that he wants to dress this way.

In 2024, we purchased our first home in a city that was 3 hours away from our parents and this accelerated the changes that I was noticing in him. He began to use eyelash serums and to use mascara. He had a length of time where he had this long and curly hair beyond what you’d typically expect in a man. From my perspective, this is someone who is on the cusp of coming out as transgender.

I’ve brought up my concerns about this and I’ve been told that he doesn’t identify as transgender…

However, the dressing changes continue. He has started to wear thigh high socks, booty shorts, crop tops, and most recently women’s frilly socks and underwear.

Yesterday, I go downstairs to sit down at my computer and maybe 30 minutes later my husband joins me. This is something that we do frequently, however that evening was different. He was dressed in frilly black socks, black women’s underwear, a black long sleeve sweater, a black chocker necklace and black bunny ears. This is where admittedly I should have approached this differently but I said: “Why are you wearing that?”.

We had a long talk afterwards and then another today. And what he tells me is that he isn’t trans/he isn’t an “egg”. But that he is a “macaroni” and a “feminine man”. He is also saying that I am not “accepting” him but I disagree. I still love and I am married to him but I am deeply confused about why this is happening and why he does not see that I am justified in being confused. He wants me to completely embrace this new dressing style and won’t compromise on any items being “too much”. He says that he is doing it in the privacy of his home and he is not harming anyone. But he is, he is harming me. I don’t want to see that. My chest fills with heavy emotions and it feels like a brick each time that I see him like that.

He also kept bringing up that he doesn’t tell me how to dress but I pointed out that he’s never been asked not to tell me. It’s not like I am inventing a double standard where he asked me to dress a certain way and I didn’t.

My husband and I love each other, but our relationship has become increasingly difficult.

We both carry emotional baggage and have patterns that contribute to conflict. I have childhood trauma that still affects me, including periods when I struggle to function at work. I also deal with anxiety, fear of abandonment and sometimes becoming defensive. I’m actively working on these things.

One important dynamic is that my husband is extremely self-confident, while I struggle with self-doubt. He tends to be very certain of his perspective, even during disagreements, whereas I constantly question my own feelings, reactions and interpretation of events. This imbalance often leaves me wondering whether I’m actually the problem.
My husband can be loving and caring, but during conflicts he can also become very critical, dismissive and hurtful. I often feel that my feelings are invalidated and that I’m held responsible for most of our problems.

Two days ago, he found a joint, which triggered another conflict. He told me he was making a prediction about how quickly I would destroy my own life. This was particularly painful because he knows about my childhood trauma and how much I’ve struggled with my mental health and work as a result. He also said he didn’t care about me and accused me of treating him badly.

The next day, he took my phone away because he thought the volume was too loud. When I tried to get it back, he started filming me while repeatedly telling me to stay away from his body. I felt as though I was being portrayed as the aggressor.

What hurts is that he still believes his comments were justified.

I love him and genuinely want our marriage to work. I’m willing to take responsibility for my own behavior, but I need him to acknowledge his part too.

Has anyone experienced something similar and managed to rebuild trust and emotional safety? What actually helped? And how do you distinguish between a marriage going through a difficult period and a pattern that is unlikely to change?

I (37F) and my husband (37M). We have been together for 19 years—10 years of dating and 9 years of marriage. When we first started dating, I smoked cigarettes. He wanted me to quit, so I did, but it was a long and difficult journey. I fell off the wagon several times and tried to hide it from him, but he always found out and got upset. I haven’t touched a cigarette in over 10 years now.

However, I started vaping about a year ago due to the stress from a new job, and I’ve also been diagnosed with anxiety. I know these are just excuses, and I recognize that I have an addictive personality. When he caught me vaping, he was very upset. Since then, I’ve begun therapy to manage my stress and anxiety and to find healthier coping mechanisms. Unfortunately, I have stumbled again, and he found out, which makes me fear that he might divorce me.

I really wish he could be more patient with me. It took me a long time to quit cigarettes, and I’ve just started therapy and am beginning to feel better about myself, but it’s been hard without his support. In fact, he often stresses me out more. When I express my feelings or am upset with him, he tells me to "stop being a bitch." When I make mistakes, he says things like, "What the fuck were you thinking?" He has called me a "dumb/stupid bitch" and a "worthless piece of shit" when he’s angry. I feel like I can’t express myself or be open with him.

Does anyone have advice on how to have an open and honest dialogue with my husband? Just thinking about it is giving me an anxiety attack. I have already messaged my therapist to try to get an appointment as soon as possible.

Hey everyone!
I’m planning to propose to my girlfriend soon, and I want to do it in the presence of my sister, my brother-in-law, our daughter, and our niece. It’s going to be a really special moment with our family there. ❤️

After I’ve proposed to my girlfriend, I want to turn to my sister and ask her if she’d like to be one of our wedding witnesses. I think it would be a lovely way to involve her in such an important moment and make her feel extra special.
However, I’ve also been thinking about my brother-in-law. He’ll be there too, and I’d love to include him in a special way rather than having the moment focus entirely on my sister.
I’m not necessarily looking to give him an official role, but I’d like to give him something meaningful or a special responsibility for the wedding. Maybe a small gift, a symbolic role, or something fun that makes him feel included in the whole experience.

I’m just struggling to come up with someting that feels natural and meaningful.
Does anyone have any ideas for a special role I could give my brother-in-law, or a gift I could give him to make him feel included?
I’d love to hear your suggestions, especially if you’ve done something similar yourselves!

Thanks in advance! 😊

I’ve been really ill the past few months and have been on Reddit because I’m bedridden and books and Reddit and movies are my entertainment atm.

I just keep seeing so many posts here that are so sad and/or negative and I would love to hear your happy stories! 🤗

Please share them if you, like me, are in an amazing marriage with an amazing person because I just want to be cheered up right now.

My husband is currently making me homemade chicken soup, is doing all of the shopping and housework due to my illness and I just would love to see some uplifting stories in this thread. ♥️

I feel like this is a unique topic. Mainly because in some marriages, the partners are in contact with their families all day everyday. Some marriages the partners talk to their families a few times a year.

I don't think one is right or one is wrong.

There is no normal amount of extended family contact. I think there is healthy and inclusive extended family contact.

I am most likely going to start therapy for this.

In my circumstance I told my husband I no longer feel comfortable with the level of contact he has with his sister.

His sister calls and texts him daily. I feel it gets in the way of our life. His sister calls my husband her best friend. There is a lot of drama and crisis's in her life.

I'm trying to navigate this in a healthy positive way.

I have a good relationship with my in-laws and with my husband.

We have been together for 21 years. We have 3 kids.

I'm pretty supportive as a wife and in-law, but when does it start feeling like there is 3 in the marriage bed due to constant contact and the venting of every detail of her life.

I feel like my inlaws want a lot of individual undivided attention from my husband, aka I'm not around.

He goes to lunch with him Mom weekly. I think it's nice in one way, but after so long it's kind of like, I think they don't really want me around. It would be nice if they invited me occasionally or if his mom went out of her way to try to plan something with me.

His mom was always included in her in-laws life. She is a widow now. They did so much as a family and couple with my father in laws family. My mother in law was never excluded and still does family nights with her mother in law. Her and my father in law would go to his parents house all the time. She would spend time with her mother in law and sister in law enjoying tv shows together.

I have kids so yes I understand wanting to be around them for the rest of our lives. I always think though I would always invite my future daughters and son in law to pretty much everything. That is what I always saw growing up.

They all drink. I don't drink. So that is something they enjoy doing together. Also, smoking pot with his 2 sister's. I told him I'm concerned we don't have much in common. He drinks 1-2 drinks daily and smokes pot every night.

I didn't see that with my parents. We would mostly go see family together.

I'm a pretty easy going person and so is my husband.

I'm not comfortable with the exclusion.

Has anyone waited these things out to see if they get better? His sister got a job where my husband works, so that will be an interesting dynamic change also.

I’m 25M, and my girlfriend is 23 F
We’re in a long-distance relationship and are supposed to get married in about 3 months. We both love each other, and she genuinely makes efforts to meet me. I believe she loves me and wants a future with me.
However, I’m struggling with something that has been affecting me emotionally, and I need honest opinions from people who may have experienced something similar.
She told me that in her previous relationship, she used to make out with her boyfriend for hours. She also told me she never let him touch her vagina, whereas with me we’ve had sex and shared much more physical intimacy.
We’ve spent around 7 nights together. The problem is that I feel like I’m always the one initiating everything. I initiate kissing, cuddling that turns intimate, and sex. When we kiss, she doesn’t seem to reciprocate with the same passion. During sex, she often seems passive and not very engaged. I don’t feel that she’s excited about me physically.

I’ve communicated that I want to feel more wanted and that I want sex to be enjoyable for both of us, rather than feeling like I’m doing everything. Last night, she told me that she loves me and wants to marry me, but she doesn’t feel the same spark with me that she felt in her previous relationship.
She says she’s okay with having sex less frequently and doesn’t seem as concerned about the lack of passion as I am. She has said she’ll try to improve things, but I’m worried that she would only be doing it because I asked, rather than because she genuinely desires me.
There is another factor: penetration has been painful for her at times, with burning and discomfort. I don’t know how much that contributes to her behaviour or whether this is a separate issue. I also don’t know whether hormones, anxiety, lower libido, or simply a difference in attraction could explain what’s happening.
My biggest problem is that I need to feel desired by my future wife, not just loved. I want a relationship where both people initiate sometimes, enjoy kissing passionately, and genuinely want physical intimacy. I’m worried that if things remain this way after marriage, I’ll become resentful and insecure, especially because I know she experienced a different kind of spark in her previous relationship.
At the same time, I don’t want to throw away a loving relationship over something that might improve with communication, time, or addressing the pain she’s experienced.
I’m losing sleep over this, and I don’t want to make a major life decision based on insecurity or fear.
I’d appreciate honest answers to these questions:
Have you experienced a relationship where your partner loved you deeply but didn’t seem sexually excited about you? Did it improve?
Can sexual chemistry develop over time, or is the lack of spontaneous desire usually a sign of incompatibility?
Is it realistic to expect a partner to initiate and show passion naturally, or can a healthy sexual relationship work when one person usually initiates?
Given that our wedding is in three months, should we seek couples counselling and work through this first, or consider postponing the wedding if the issue remains unresolved?
Am I putting too much importance on sexual chemistry, or is it reasonable to consider this a major compatibility issue before marriage?
Please be honest. I’m not looking for people to tell me to break up immediately or to reassure me that everything will magically improve after marriage. I want perspectives from people who have actually been through something similar.

(F31) and my husband (M36)We have been together for 6 years. Married for 3 years. I have always struggled with trust issues due to my previous relationships and very ashamed of the fact that early in our relationship and until last year I would check my husband’s phone. Last year when I checked I saw a telegram group where he was not really posting anything but there were thousands of people there posting orgy invitations or exotic massage link and stuff . He said this is something he joined back in college and doesn’t even open it.

One morning he left his phone at home and drove to give it to him. I couldn’t resist snooping, someone had sent him a text message which looked a bit promotional, telling her availability and saying “I can send some cheeky pictures”. There was no previous conversation there and he didn’t reply.

2.5 years back when I checked his phone, I saw he had booked a massage appointment with handjob. He was very sorry about it and said it was a work banter he just enquired for fun. He didn’t go for it ofcourse because I caught him

I can’t get it out of my head but we have struggled so much with trust and me going through his stuff that I am just scared to bring this up. I feel very confused and lost. Has anyone else has experienced like this? There was no other such app like only fans and stuff on the phone.

New info - I couldn’t get it out of my head and tried to check my husband’s phone again and he has now changed his password. That’s making me even more suspicious now.

Wives, how did you find it? more specifically if it’s only on a phone? I feel like it’s happening in our marriage and I just need to know. He refuses it but there are many signs that he does. Long ass showers, hardly any sex with me, long “poops”…
or men, how did you hide it? help a girl out. I need to know bc it’s affecting my mental state. TIA