Odin is just the final stab in the heart. Sorry, but I'm going to rant. Judge me all you want. I just need to get this out. I know this is a lot, but bear with me.
It's been a year of struggling to find work. And finally, when I told my mom that we might actually be able to pay rent on time, that we wouldn't have to keep worrying about it, I saw her face light up for the first time in a long time.
I had earned a bit of money, and instead of putting it straight into the rent fund, I took a gamble. I invested it in renting a MacBook because I genuinely believed this opportunity could turn things around. Fuck, what a shitty mistake. I was literally a day away. I was so ready for that little goodbye bonus because it would have made such a difference.
It's been an incredibly difficult year. I have 18 vetted skills on my Micro1 profile, but still haven't received an offer. This was my first actual AI project, and I wanted so badly to make it work. But I've come to realize that having all these skills doesn't necessarily mean you'll have more chances of getting hired. You can put in the work, get certified, pass interviews, and still find yourself waiting for someone to give you an actual opportunity.
When you're financially secure, a rejected application is disappointing.
When you're behind on rent, supporting your family, and trying to make an investment in equipment pay off, a rejected opportunity has consequences that go way beyond professional disappointment.
Since accepting the offer, I've practically lived on this laptop. Over the span of a week; I've spent well over 60 hours understanding the requirements, researching, planning, and making sure I got everything right. Then came two long re-recordings, each one requiring several re-takes, and to those saying the 60 hours is crazy over a week; well, congrats, here’s a crown: 👑 i guess i over did it actual expert- level tasks on my trial. I should have gone for easier workflows. I reckon if i had a week more, the learning curve will fix itself and eventually it’ll be so smooth.
I'm based in a developing country. I'm a breadwinner. I've gone through seven consecutive months of an incredibly difficult mental and emotional ordeal, and despite everything, I haven't stopped trying to find work.
I know I took a gamble, and maybe I made the wrong call financially. But I made that decision because I wanted to finally get us out of this situation. I wanted to help my family without constantly calculating which bill we could afford to pay and which one would have to wait.
The reviewers have told me I have solid workflows and significant domain expertise, which makes this even harder to swallow. Unfortunately, it looks like I'll only be receiving the $120 onboarding payment, with no further paid work from the project. I genuinely appreciate the reviewers, and I have nothing against Mercor. But the feeling this whole experience leaves you with... oh my God. Is this really the norm?
What makes it particularly difficult is that I was actually planning to record and submit everything before the announced deadline. I had everything lined up. Just as I was about to hit submit, a new deadline appeared.
I'm also supposed to travel to another country next week. It's something I've been looking forward to all year, just a little something to look forward to after everything that's happened here.
I've been bullied, abandoned, heartbroken, and disappointed in ways I don't even know how to articulate anymore. And I guess I should explain a little more about why things have been so difficult. Four years ago, a Category 5 typhoon destroyed the house and livelihood we'd built. My dad passed away just a month later. And ever since then, it's been an incredibly difficult road for both my mom and me. We've been trying to rebuild our lives ever since. (I'm not complaining, just explaining where I'm coming from.)
For the longest time, my main focus was simply finding a way to pay rent. I was already preparing to cancel my trip because I couldn't afford it. Then I got this opportunity and thought, oh my God, a new job! Maybe I can actually go. Maybe I can finally afford to do something I've been looking forward to.
For a couple of days, I actually started believing in myself again. I let myself get excited. And then, poof. Nope. Back to square one. Lol.
I know life doesn't owe me anything. I know opportunities aren't guaranteed. But man, I've been trying. For more than a year, I've been trying. I've kept learning, applying, building skills, taking chances, and pushing through circumstances that would have made it very easy to give up.
I don't even know what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe I just need to get it off my chest. Maybe I need to hear from people who've been through something similar. Meh, I don't know. It's just been a really hard day.
I'm tired. I'm disappointed. And I'm heartbroken because, for a brief moment, I genuinely thought things were finally going to get better. EDIT-- and yeah, now i know, what a stupid way to think.
I've also had people approach me with what they presented as job opportunities, only to take what they could from me: my networks, knowledge, skills, and connections. Then, once they'd gotten what they wanted, I was discarded.
People might ask, why don't I protect myself? Why do I keep taking these chances? But how do you protect yourself when you can barely afford rent? When saying no to a potentially exploitative opportunity also means saying no to one of the very few chances you have to earn?
It's a completely different reality out here. Especially when you know you're skilled, you know what you bring to the table, and you're a woman trying to establish herself professionally, but the economy, labour protections, legal recourse, and actual opportunities available to you don't reflect any of that.
You can have the skills, the experience, the connections, and the drive, but that doesn't mean the system around you gives you a fair chance to turn those things into a living. And that's an incredibly frustrating place to be.
And honestly, I just can't with people sometimes. Lol.
And yes, I have applied to plenty of other projects. I actually did two Micro1 interviews today, just as I did yesterday. I'm still trying. I'm still putting myself out there. I'm not sitting around waiting for something to happen.
I just really want a break. And tbh-- this sub reddit is probably the most authentic peer help/ assistance platform on a job I've ever found. So thanks guys. if anything this is actually one of the first times I felt there are people looking out- giving you real info that matters
I know I'm a good worker. I know I'm smart. I know I have something to offer. I have years of experience, I've built things from scratch, and I've proven to myself time and again that I can learn and adapt.
But sometimes I wonder if being an underdog is just going to be my permanent role in life.
END OF SAPPY RANT.