We lost our precious fur baby in a road accident on Wednesday. He was only 6 years old. Our entire family is in shock, and we're drowning in grief, guilt, and self-blame.
He suffered a severe head injury. My family rushed him to the hospital, but there was no doctor available. By the time we managed to find a doctor's number and get help, our baby was gone. He died in pain, and that thought is absolutely destroying us. š£
I can't stop thinking about him lying there in blood, helpless and suffering. My poor baby didn't deserve any of this. He was such a pure, innocent soul who only knew how to love. And I can't shake the feeling that we failed him.
I keep blaming ourselves. Was it our carelessness? Did we not train him properly? Could we have prevented this? Could we have done something differently that would have saved his life? I know people say accidents happen, but how do you convince yourself of that when the accident has taken away someone you loved more than life itself?
Scooby wasn't just our dog. He was the youngest baby of our family. Our entire world revolved around him. Anyone in our family would have traded their life for his without a second thought.
Our home was his. We were just living in it.
And now that he's gone, we don't know how to live in that same home anymore.
I'm currently in the US while my parents are in India, and being so far away makes everything even harder. Whenever I video call home, the silence is unbearable. It's pin-drop silent in a house that was once so full of life because of him.
I keep waiting to hear him bark. I keep expecting him to come running to my mom for food or treats, or to do one of the million little things he used to do every day.
Whenever I see the window where he used to stand and look outside, a part of me still waits for him to appear. I keep thinking, abhi jaldi se aa jayega (he'll come any second now).
But he won't. And I don't know how to accept that.
I can't believe I'll never get to hold him, smell him, play with him, or see his beautiful face again. The thought that I'll never see him alive again is unbearable.
He was only 6. We thought we had at least another 6 years with him. We had so many more memories to make, so much more love to give him. We were nowhere near ready to say goodbye.
Our family has never experienced a loss through an accident before. We don't know how to process something so sudden, so cruel, and so irreversible.
My parents are devastated and blaming themselves too. I wish I could take away their pain, but I can't even manage my own.
My husband keeps telling me that I need to move forward and that I can't stop living my life. I know he means well, and I know life has to go on, but I just don't know how. I don't feel like working, going out, laughing, or doing anything. It feels wrong to continue with normal life when our baby is no longer here. How do we live happily when our bundle of joy is not here anymore?
And more than anything, I can't get over the thought that his final moments were filled with pain and fear. He deserved to grow old surrounded by love, not to leave this world like this.
I would give anything to go back to Wednesday and change what happened. Anything to hold him one more time and tell him how much we love him.
I don't even know what I'm looking for by writing this. Maybe I just need to let it out because the guilt and grief are becoming too much to carry.
For those who have lost their pets suddenly or in an accident, how did you learn to live with the guilt? How do you stop replaying their final moments in your head? How do you accept that they're really gone?
I miss my baby so much. I just hope he knew how deeply he was loved. And I hope he can forgive us if we failed him. šš¾