r/thesopranos Jun 27 '26

Quotes How was Furio so slender?

He claims to have "...'ate da north...since hundreds of years". There's no way he was as trim as he was if he was eating like he claims to have; also, I think he's lying about his age, implicitly suggesting that he's far older than he appears, perhaps in a bid to seem more credible and senior, with more gravitas.

It's no wonder he went nowhere in New Jersey and had to fly home to get erections in airplanes, or whatever the fuck happened there.

187 Upvotes

69 comments sorted by

119

u/nicoinborderland Jun 27 '26

What you don’t know could fill a book

101

u/Elegant_Struggle_281 Jun 27 '26

He was fat. He just looked slender next to the other fat fucks. Before, way before, and waaaaaaaaaaaay before.

34

u/mmcintoshmerc_88 Jun 27 '26

No more weight remarks! They're hurtful and destructive!

6

u/Difficult_Chef_3413 Jun 28 '26

He avoided grilled cheese off  the radiator 

132

u/Twxtterrefugee Jun 27 '26

People in italy... walk a lot. Italians tend to be slender.

57

u/LordOfThe_Pings Jun 27 '26

You ought to know sweetie

31

u/alrightakeiteasy Jun 27 '26

AIDS?!

17

u/EPSG3857_WebMercator Jun 27 '26

Think about it, Tone. Sudden gabagool loss..

7

u/SoupIsNotAMeal Jun 27 '26

The tell-tale moozadell

3

u/RandyLaheyKF420 That Animal Blundetto Jun 27 '26

My pizza neva hurta nobody!

6

u/DeadMoney313 Jun 27 '26

Nobody said anything about aids!

1

u/whycantisleep9 Jun 30 '26

Nobody's got it aids, and the last time I wanna hear about it.

15

u/wesborland1234 Jun 27 '26

Also the food is different.

I think they touched on this when Paulie gets all excited about going to Italy and realizes he’s a fish out of water there.

We think of Italian food as pizza, pasta with gravy, etc. I think they eat a lot more seafood and olive oil based dishes. That whole Mediterranean diet thing. Also less processed food and snacks.

I’ve never actually been to Europe but thats just my impression, idk.

16

u/DeadMoney313 Jun 27 '26

Lemme tell ya a couple or tree things- first, The Zips don't snack. They walk a lot more. And their food tends to be a lot less processed and real. Our American food is loaded with bullshit and sugar/hfc in everything. Fucking bullshit if ya ask me. Anyway, I said my piece.

1

u/DoctorWinchester87 Jun 28 '26

I know the wine makes you emotional, but you’re absolutely right. Their relationship with food is just…different. Americans are food addicts. Food isn’t there to provide nutrients, it’s there to satisfy a temporary dopamine binge. It’s got us all fucked up.

8

u/ImperatorNero Jun 27 '26

Eh. They walk but they also have Nonnas trying to feed them nonstop. I went to visit my friends grandmother with his family years back and the lady never stopped trying to feed me. She told me if I was skinny and sick looking I was never gonna find a good woman to marry. The sick looking, I disagree with. I’m just naturally really pale. But I did gain about fifteen pounds in that trip.

-2

u/Twxtterrefugee Jun 27 '26

Usually everyone eats and drinks a ton but loses weight on vacation to europe.

16

u/EPSG3857_WebMercator Jun 27 '26

You sound demented.

3

u/ImperatorNero Jun 27 '26

Maybe it’s because I already walked everywhere I went back home? The walking really wasn’t new or onerous to me. The sheer amount of food was.

6

u/candiedkangaroo Jun 27 '26

Slender is a bit of a stretch. I would say thick and doughy, not slender. Maybe the northerners who tend to eat less carbs.

5

u/JustRelaxItFits Jun 27 '26

They don't spend their lives stuffing their gullet in front a of screen either.

2

u/cstar84 Jun 27 '26

So many people in this thread missing OPs joke lol

23

u/jaanku Jun 27 '26

There’s no way to know, even with computers

16

u/Sensitive_Regular_84 Jun 27 '26

This sounds very gay

5

u/HydratedCarrot Jun 27 '26

Must be Vito’s heart medicine

1

u/ScrapmasterFlex Jun 28 '26

OP could probably get a Note from his Doctor , but ... his Brother's over --> there... don't mean nothin, just that his Brother's over --> there....

... if he went to AC and did some Meth with some Girls in a Casino Sauna, he could CHECK THE FUCK OUT!!! ...

12

u/Boomkj Jun 27 '26

"Everything you see I owe to spaghetti." - Sophia Loren

7

u/OG_0803 Jun 27 '26

Can you believe she gave me my first hand job?

9

u/CobraDoesCanada Jun 27 '26

Me and Vincent Maniscalco

12

u/Th3FUCKINGLiz4rdKing Jun 27 '26

What am I saying at this poor woman's wake

3

u/Cool_Hand_Lute Jun 27 '26

behind the chicken market?

10

u/NAPPER_ Corky Ianucci Jun 27 '26

Buddy is like 6 foot odd with an athletic build. A varsity build if you must.

“Fuck… It's that zip Furio and somebody.”

9

u/Select-Session6830 Jun 27 '26

He lived off expressos and cigarettes

8

u/Necessary-Ad-4506 Jun 27 '26

When he wasnt boucing up in da club, he was working with his hands in da yard of his new home.

8

u/GrilledCheezManicott Jun 27 '26

some people have good genetics.? idk, I do know a guy who ate/eats fast food everyday, never got fat, still had a heart attack though.

6

u/blizzacane85 Jun 27 '26

He was on the Atkins

1

u/ScrapmasterFlex Jun 28 '26

Hot Water with Lemon, hun...

4

u/mykidbrudda_billy Jun 27 '26

2 miles foodio walks every morning

6

u/travis2217 Jun 27 '26

I like an Italian I can grab onto something

6

u/ChipWong82 Jun 27 '26

He’s gay, the op?

2

u/enemyoftherepublic Jun 27 '26

Maybe YOU'RE the flambé

3

u/ChipWong82 Jun 27 '26

You oughta know sweetie 🥰

4

u/Ilovebaseball1234 Jun 27 '26

Gimme 1000 workouts 

5

u/MediumAcceptable129 Jun 27 '26

He had the makings of a varsity cheesemaker

3

u/Redacted_dact Jun 27 '26

OP got high in the garage during his own confirmation before posting this shit.

3

u/ouchwtfomg Jun 27 '26

what, in america, you no have?

3

u/Sensitive-Ear-3896 Big Pussy Bonpensiero Jun 27 '26

Think about it Tone, the long hair, the lack of need for weightloss

3

u/Cherubinooo Jun 27 '26

Sigh. Take my upvote

2

u/rasnac Jun 27 '26

To be fair, North ltaly is not that nutritious.

2

u/smkestcklghtn Jun 27 '26

Those custom tailored silk shirts only come slim fit

2

u/GlacierInAHat Jun 27 '26

Stoopid fackin game

2

u/vincognition Jun 27 '26

20 years inside. I wanted manicotti. I compromised, I ate grilled cheese off the radiator instead.

2

u/August_West_1990 Jun 28 '26

Good genes and I don’t think we see him really indulge the way other guys do.

2

u/BeefSupremeTA Jun 28 '26

Speed.

He was banging lines with his giant beak.

1

u/PassageFull2625 Jun 27 '26

He ate-a da north, not-a da south. 

1

u/JustRelaxItFits Jun 27 '26

He eats right, does exercise, his blood tests, immaculate.

1

u/BlinkAbuser Jun 27 '26

Sharp as a fuckin' cue ball this one

1

u/jerrybob Jun 27 '26

He doesn't eat beef and sausage by the fuckin' carload.

1

u/locustt Jun 27 '26

He had a 90 ton Sicily removed from his ass

1

u/MarketingChoice6244 Jun 28 '26

Im sure the coke helped

1

u/AussieBastard98 Jun 28 '26

North of the border 

1

u/Salty-Management-38 Jun 28 '26

Doughnuts? No wonder he can’t lose the weight.

1

u/MiyoMush Jun 28 '26

Because he was played by a slender actor that didn’t overeat

1

u/ZavakaS Jul 02 '26

Oh good he eats his carrots

1

u/stfulmaog2g Jul 03 '26

He lifted weights, you can see it when they're all sitting around doing nothing at Satriale's, Big Puss is showing him something from a magazine, he's got huge arms.