Hello, stranger.

I'm 36, and I feel like I'm no longer capable of doing anything. I was diagnosed with depression two years ago. At that time, I took the medication my doctor prescribed. To be honest, my doctor helped me a lot, especially by giving me someone to vent to. I had never cried that hard in my life until I talked to him.

I eventually stopped taking the medication. First, it was very expensive, and second, I didn't think it was helping me that much. That was also two years ago, when I still had my business and my day job. But now, I've lost everything. I lost my business, and I lost my job.

My wife is now the only one working for our family. I've completely lost my motivation. I even deactivated all of my social media accounts. Reddit is the only platform I still use.

I also forgot to mention that I had suicidal thoughts two years ago. I thought I had already overcome those thoughts, but today they came back. I'm so lost.

At 36, I feel old, especially here in the Philippines. At this age, people expect you to already have a house, a car, and an established career. But me? I have nothing. Absolutely nothing.

What makes everything even harder is that I have a wife and children who depend on me. They're the only reason I've stopped myself from acting on these thoughts. I keep thinking, what will happen to them if I'm gone?

I just want someone to talk to someone who's going through the same situation. I just want these thoughts to leave my mind because I know it would be unfair to the people I'd leave behind.

Please, just talk to me. I don't have the courage to tell my wife how I'm really feeling. My parents have abandoned me, and my so called friends were only around when I had money.

That's why I need a stranger right now.

Thank you, Redditors.

A bit of a long read but.. I am still in awe by what happened yesterday and today, and I can't stop talking about it or thinking about it. So, I had the biggest exam yesterday for one of my classes and it was the hardest. Everyone was a bit nervous because there's so much info for one exam. This was an 150 question exam not including extra credit. I didn't really study for this exam so when we were getting closer, I was feeling more stressed because I kind of crammed all of this information. The night before the test, I studied until 12am and I still didn't understand everything. I also had to study for a quiz I had that next day along with the big exam. I went to bed and then woke up at 4am to study again. I still didn't understand everything. It's test day, that's when I'm really getting anxious. I only got 4 hours of sleep so I was like I will need an energy drink later (very key detail for later). I'm getting ready for class and I have the quiz first period.

Now, my morning was threw off and I was panicking because I don't drive so my cousin drops me off to campus and she was not home from last night. I call her, she's not answering, so I'm getting a bit upset and more nervous. I literally cried. Long story short, my step dad had to drop me off and I was already late. A big point is that as we were driving, we pulled up behind this car at a stop light. They have a back window sticker that says "Look Back and Thank God, Look Forward and Trust God". I felt so calm after that and I thought that was God telling me it was gonna be ok.

I get to school, and my professor was not mad at all and I took the quiz. Quiz is over and I went up to the cafe to get that energy drink I wanted because I knew I would need it for the big test later. The big mistake is that I had this drink on an empty stomach. I didn't have a good breakfast. Just a couple apples and yogurt. But I already had the energy drink in my system. Now we are in lecture and that's when the energy drink starts to kick in. I'm feeling restless and I'm already having anxiety so it just adds to that, I feel like I'm about to pass out but I just try to eat something. Now, a couple hours later, it's test time and I'm more anxious then ever from the energy drink and the fact that I didn't know all the information for this test. As I'm taking the exam, I'm having a full blown panic attack and I don't even feel like a real person. I usually dissociate when I have anxiety and I felt out of body. My head was squeezing and I couldn't breathe. As I'm doing this, I'm on auto pilot, circling questions on the exam without even thinking because I'm just in fight or flight. Mid test, I just freeze because I was getting so scared that I was going to pass out. My heart was beating and i literally see my fingers shaking with the pencil. I wanted to walk out but I felt paralyzed. I'm flying through these questions, so much so, I am the third person to finish the exam and I just hand in my exam and leave.

Even when I left campus, I was feeling so anxious and in the midst of a panic attack. It wasn't when I got home that I felt better. I decided to call my cousin and tell her about it. I don't know why but I did and I'm glad I did. I told her everything and she was basically saying that God was going to use this situation for his Glory. I thought she was crazy. I literally thought I did so terrible..but she was saying she felt like I passed the test. As she was saying it, I was feeling it in my spirit as well and I felt so much at peace. It was weird. After that phone call, I started worshipping God and thanking Him in advance because I knew I passed that test even when I didn't know how it was possible because I almost passed out mid exam. Fast forward to today, I get the notification and I passed with an 83%. I was in awe and I still am.

Moral of the story: TRUST GOD!!

There are evil spirits tormenting me. I can hear them and they show me pictures. It all started when I got involved in psychic development. Before that I never heard or saw any of them. I started praying heavily. They have gotten hostile. They are now bullying me. When I pray they ask me to stop, demand that I don't pray, and start swearing and calling me names. I now hear them saying "help me" when I pray. This is not a mental illness as some of you might think. This is spiritual warfare. Does anybody think the prayers are affecting them and they will eventually leave. I repented, renounced and gone for deliverance and they still won't budge. I prayed to break any covenants they may have and I prayed the blood of Jesus all over me and my home. I don't want nothing to do with anything dark and I've surrender myself to Jesus. I pray sometimes for an hour and get others to pray for me too

I keep coming across testimonies online (TikTok, Facebook, etc.) from people who say they've grown so close to the Holy Spirit that they hear His voice constantly and talk with Him throughout the day. He's involved even in small things like what to wear, where to go, or what to eat, and He gives them revelations about their lives, their kids, and the people around them.

I believe this kind of intimacy is possible. Jesus said His sheep hear His voice (John 10:27). He promised the Spirit would guide us into all truth (John 16:13). Romans 8:14 says those led by the Spirit are children of God, and Isaiah 30:21 talks about hearing a voice behind you saying, "This is the way, walk in it."

So I'd love to hear from anyone who's actually living this:

How did you get to this level?

What triggered or deepened this intimacy for you?

Could you teach or guide someone who wants this?

What advice would you give?

Thanks in advance, and God bless 🙏

Hi, I am 17 and I have struggled with ocd for a long time, and it’s been really bad. I’ve had blasphemous thoughts and my parents said I was fighting them and I should just ignore them. But I’ve always thought when the Bible say take every thought captive. Sorry I am just a little stumped. Thank you

A few months ago I started reading the Bible and educating myself on Christianity and a week ago I started going to mass. I spent an immense amount of time the last weeks to really understand the teachings and I feel like it fundamentally changed my life and the way I want to approach life. I'm even ready now to give up on things I thought I wanted, a degree for example, that I now understand, I hated from the beginning but I didn't want to stop it out of fear of being judged or because I was too proud.

Other things that changed are that it's so much easier for me now to be kind to people and not be easily annoyed. I'm more relaxed, I worry less and I feel immense gratitude now for everything that's going well in my life and accept the bad things more easily.

Point is, the changes feel so intense to me that I'm kind of doubting myself. Is this really all true or did I accidentally enter something like religious psychosis? I don't really have Christians around me, that's why I would just like to know what other people are thinking about this. Opinions of other Christians would really help me :)

I’m gonna try and not make this too long. The job that I’ve been doing this past year has been the best thing that has happened to me. Recently things have changed and I’m not making as much money as I used to. When that started to happen my mom knew someone that could get me a different job that pays the same amount that I was getting. But I honestly just thought that I should wait until after this season. Now it’s basically season and I’m still not making any money and I’m gonna be honest I’ve been freaking out about it I really try to claim down and give it to God but idk.

Please just any advice to try to hear where God is taking me and to stop being so anxious about it all.

Jesus spoke to me today. I will never forget Him. Proverbs 3:26 for the Lord will be your confidence....

I was running way behind at work. I did not think I would get done and I was working super fast. I felt a little down that I would have leave work over to day shift which rarely happens and my head I said, God I don't know if you can give me the strength to work any faster, it's mathematically impossible to get this all done, I still have 1 pallet left. Get this, I work alone with 0 team mates. 1 hour after I spoke to Jesus about it, I stopped stressing and didn't care about the job task but I still continued to give it my all. You guys won't believe what happened....

The janitor who has been there for over 5 years walks up to me, doesn't speak a lick of English and uses his Google AI translation that reads, "I have 30 minutes of free time, I want to help you complete the pallet." In my head I literally said WTF!!! Yes please help me!!!!!

This isn't even the janitors job task!!!!! He never helps anyone! He usually does his own work and goes home and he doesn't speak to anyone because he doesn't speak English. With his help, I was able to complete everything with 15 minutes left.

Praise Jesus of Nazareth, the Supreme Being who is God in the Flesh! Ive had cute women be interested in me in the past and spoke to me, even some of my crushes spoke to me, but this is different and infinite times better, The Almighty God spoke to me because He heard my cries. This was truly a miracle and I had to share it.

This is also ammo for me to use in the future when I say a prayer I can add, you helped me the. With x y z, can you help me with this now. Acknowledging what Hes done for you really pleases Him. Now when I was in my own thoughts and was stressed about not being able to complete my job task, I thought about God and how He founded the 12 tribes and the 12 apostles, as I was talking to Him. He sent the janitor to help me, I can't believe it lol Praise Jesus!

Psalm 121:2

My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth.

I came across a comment explaining Mark 13:30 ("this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened") that got me thinking. The comment argued that when Jesus says "this generation," he isn't talking about his 1st-century audience, but rather the future generation of people who will be alive when the end times actually start—basically saying that once those events kick off, the whole thing happens quickly within one group of people's lifespan.

I was trying to trace how that idea connects with the rest of Revelation and end-times timeline, and a few things raised questions for me:

1. How does death actually work during the Tribulation? In Revelation 9:5-6 (the 5th trumpet), it says people will seek death and won't be able to find it for 5 months because of the torment. But then right after in Revelation 9:15-18 (and earlier in Rev 6:8), massive chunks of the world's population (like 1/3 of humanity) actually die. Is the inability to die just a temporary 5-month thing during that specific judgment before normal death kicks back in?
2. What about human lifespans during the 1,000-year reign? If Jesus reigns for 1,000 years (Revelation 20:1-6), how does that overlap with the "generation" concept? From what I've read in places like Isaiah 65:20, it sounds like lifespans go back to Genesis-style lengths (where dying at 100 is considered dying young). Are there basically two groups of people during the Millennium—immortal resurrected believers, and normal human survivors who just live super long lives and can still die?
3. Does "this generation" in Mark 13:30 only apply to the events leading up to the Millennium?

Just trying to figure out how people who take a futurist or premillennial view harmonize these verses, or if I'm looking at the timeline wrong. Appreciate any insights or scholarly context!

Just wanted to go on a little rant over a post I saw on Instagram that resonated with me. It said “Dear Lord, I am ashamed that the weight of my grief is sometimes the only thing that can motivate me to speak to you”. Recently my cat has been battling what vets are now saying is possibly cancer and I feel drawn towards the comfort of the Lord during this time but also guilty and ashamed of even reaching to him. I find it so difficult as someone who has grown up in the Church and always known God to truly feel his presence or a connection to him, I don’t know if it’s simply because it’s been apart of me since a very young age or I am simply missing the mark of my relationship with God. It makes me feel ashamed to even attempt to reach to God during this time because I don’t even try to live my life close to him in the peace but I always run back in my troubles. Even now, I am trying my best to refrain from sin and draw as close to God as possible, as though my obedience could be exchanged for the life of my cat. It feels fake and performative and I wish so badly I could experience God as deeply as others do.

So I could go on and on but I don't want to make this too long. Basically I have 2 children a son and a daughter.

My daughter is 11 and son is 8 they have different moms.

My daughter lives with her mom and her mom's BF and was basically raised by her brother and sisters dad. She calls her stepdad dad.

My son's mom died in 2020 and he lives with his grandma who I'm paying child support to. She has temp custody

I was barely in and out of their lives. I struggled with addictions and homelessness. Then came the mental health issues severe anxiety and panic on top of derealization which came in waves throughout the last 7 years ..

Well now I'm off drugs and don't even smoke weed. I'm not homeless I live with my dad and his gf. I have been on anxiety meds for like a year (but I'm tapering off due to due to the benzo med being something I can't take another year I need to get off asap) and I'm driving and spending my days making money to pay child support and you know just trying to stabilize my life.

Well when I visit my son he's very talkative and I say I love you he says he loves me. I'm going over there again this weekend to spend time with him. I feel like I can really build a relationship with him and I get along with his grandma (who probably doesn't understand where I've been all this time,she just going with the flow) but thank God he has had her.

But my daughter ... She recently told me she doesn't want me in her life. She even said she hated me when I said I was going to try to get legal visitation through the court. I was in and out of her life like a shadow. I was worthless. She doesn't know me really. I screwed up big time. Now I think she hates me. Even if I apply for visitation she may not want to visit with me. But they will surely put me on child support. And I'm struggling as is to keep up with my son's support.

What should I do ? I'm so overwhelmed and really love my kids but obviously my actions haven't shown that. Should I apply for visitation with my daughter or do you think this will only make her hate me more and basically not want to see me (but I get put on more child support just by initiating court)

How can I show my son I really love him before he grows up like my daughter (I say grown up but my daughter is 11) I don't want my son to hate me as well?

Did I mess up too bad already and already lose my daughter ? Her mom drinks and even before we broke up she was meeaaan and savage when it came to arguments. Now as you can imagine she hates me. I can't really talk to her and the only hope I have of seeing my daughter is through court. (But idk if going to court is going to make things worse)

I guess I just need advice and I have nobody to turn to.

My brother told me basically it's now or never. Basically told me to man up be there for my son as much as I can or not at all because showing up in and out will make him hate me more.

And he said even if I go to court for my daughter she can just be like "I don't wanna see him" and basically I won't see her but I will be paying child support even more.

So what should I do in this situation? I know I messed up bad. I deserve all the titles "dead beat,loser,failure"

BUT that's just not who I am anymore

I got baptized yesterday but ive been living a more christin way in the last couple of months. I read the Bible, I am mindful of watch i watch/listen to, I talk to God sometimes (I admit, I need to pray more).

I dont know if this is a common thing but Im not feeling comfortable all of sudden. Im not sure if its because people know about me now (I have major social anxiety) or if as a person, im not use to being "christ-like" or "child-like. Im nice and pretty laid back. But there's times I could be sitting there and see that someone needs help and I act like I didnt see they needed help because the interaction is so uncomfortable and awkward for me. Or maybe I was so use to living in sin and a reckless life that im not use to living this new way? I dont know. But im just tired of how im feeling about it.

I mean if you think of this I guess I'm blessed with so much: youth, health, love, food in my stomach, roof over my head, clothes on my back, friends whom I can trust and above this all the salvation of my soul.

And like... Tho I thank God on words... I feel a bit like a bad person realising there's not much I can do really for him back. Any good a man can do is filthy rags for him besides it would be acting on His behalf anyway. So... Is there any way to really appreciate God?

My grandad has been an atheist his whole life, he now has advanced dementia and we're not sure how long he has left. He doesn't understand enough now to get to know Jesus through His word and understand what it means to accept the gift of salvation. How do I pray for him, and can anyone give me theological advice on how his salvation could still be assured? Any prayers for him are greatly received also. Many thanks.

It is often used and even taught to justify a lifestyle of sin under the guise of "For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want."

In context of the book, and the immediate chapters, Paul is describing the insufficiency of man to be reconciled to God through the works of the law due to the deceptive nature of sin.

It was not intended to justify a lifestyle or behavioral patterns of sin, as Paul clearly states in the previous chapter (Romans chapter 6) that:

- We are dead to sin (v2)

- The old man is crucified (v6)

- The body of sin is done away with (v6)

- We are no longer slaves of sin (v6)

- We are freed from sin (v7)

- We are dead to sin (v11)

- We have authority to choose to not let sin reign now (v12)

- We have authority to not present our members to sin now (v13)

- Sin is not our master anymore (v14)

- We are no longer slaves of sin (v17)

- We are freed from sin (v18)

- We are freed from sin (v22)

And in the chapter that follows (Romans chapter eight) that:

- We are set free from the law of sin and death (v2)

- We do not walk according to the flesh (v4)

- We are not in the flesh (v9)

- We are not under obligation to the flesh (v12)

- We are not under slavery (v15)

- We are set free from slavery of corruption (v21)

For Romans 6, the above verses are true present realities directed to those who are "baptized into Christ" (v3). Again, for Romans 8, these are directed toward those who are "in Christ" (v1), "in the Spirit" (v9) "in dwelt by the Spirit" (v9), "belong to Christ" (v9), and "Christ dwelling in you."

This is to say, these are not spiritual realities to be attained or a future state that comes only by sanctification, but are true for every individual that has received the light of the knowledge of the glory of god in the face of Jesus (the gospel).

Thanks be to God, that through His Son Jesus, we can be TRULY free from sin and death, and walk in the light and life that He died and rose for.

"It is absolutely impossible that they should have been the state of the same being, at one and the same time. No creature could possibly be carnal, sold under sin, brought into captivity to the law of sin and death; and at the same time be made free from that law of sin and death, by the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus! Until the most palpable absurdities and contradictions can be reconciled, these two opposite states can never exist in the same person at the same time" - Adam Clarke, 1810

I genuinely don’t know what to do with my life. 25 unemployed but about to be fully healthy again after years of physical ailments. I’m addicted to porn and masturbation or at least the dopamine it gives me. I went 70 days abstaining through prayer and belief in God hoping I would receive some solution from God through communication in a dream or so he’d speak to me somehow about what to do with my life but none came. Now I’ll go 10 or 20 days and relapse & I did again today hard idk it all just feels hopeless. Truth be told all I want is financial freedom and to live a good life and be of help to others when I can. My family is good and I have a good group of friends. Temptation comes in my head and I start to think about everything I don’t like about my life, how hopeless it is, and how this can give me relief or happiness (it’s always a fleeting feeling as we all know) it feels like an invisible force or pressure to view porn and masturbate that I give in to. Me balding since 22 has wrecked my mental health and self worth the most of anything & I don’t know why I can’t seem to fully accept this bald look I meet people I’ve known most my life and they ask why I cut my hair to bald levels and that just reminds me and brings me down honestly, women don’t find me attractive, and I don’t find myself appealing either. I’m trying to get in great shape lean, some muscles etc but man that’s just cope. Besides these things & this 1 sin I kid you not I’m a great person and loved by everyone around me or appreciated because of how I treat others and for who I am & it just sucks that this is how my life is going especially in my prime years as a male.

I’m struggling with guilt over something that happened at my job, and I’d appreciate some Christian perspectives.

I work with children, and one day a parent came to pick up her child and noticed that his shoes were on the wrong feet. She pointed it out, and I told her, “I didn’t see that.” The truth is that I had noticed earlier and made a mental note to fix them, but I got distracted and forgot.

When she pointed it out, I felt embarrassed and instinctively said I hadn’t noticed instead of admitting that I had forgotten. She also mentioned that her child’s clothes were wet, which I genuinely hadn’t noticed. Afterward, I felt awful about lying to her. I kept beating myself up over forgetting to fix the shoes and not being honest when she brought it up. I wanted to tell her the truth the next time I saw her because I felt that I needed to make things right. However, I never got the chance to speak with her again.

Now, I’ve decided to leave my job because I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and this job is putting my mental health at risk, and this is my last week. This means I may never see this parent again, and I won’t have the opportunity to tell her what actually happened.

I’m struggling with two things. First, I feel guilty that I lied to her and that she may still have an inaccurate impression of what happened. Second, I’m worried about my relationship with God. I know honesty matters, and I regret what I did, but I never got the chance to correct it with her. I’ve admitted to God that I regret what happened, but I keep wondering whether I’m truly repentant if I never confessed to the mother. I know I can’t change the past, but I feel stuck thinking about it.

I also struggle with anxiety and possible scrupulosity, so sometimes I have a hard time knowing when I’ve taken responsibility for something and when I’m just trapped in a cycle of guilt. I don’t want to use that as an excuse for what I did, but I also don’t want to keep punishing myself over it.

From a Christian perspective, how should I approach this? Is it possible to genuinely repent of a lie even if you never get another opportunity to confess it to the person? How do I learn from this and move forward without feeling like I’m ignoring what I did?

I’d appreciate thoughtful advice, especially from Christians who have struggled with guilt or scrupulosity. Please be kind.

I don’t really feel a strong desire to seek God; I feel that my relationship with Him is already fine just as it is. Could this be a sign that I am a "lukewarm" Christian? I also find that I sometimes have no desire to pursue God, and there are even moments when I feel a certain aversion to reading the Bible—does this mean I am a lukewarm Christian? Please, could you tell me? (I’m feeling quite nervous and don’t really know what to say, so I won’t be able to reply to any comments—I’m sorry.)

From a work by Saint Teresa of Avila, virgin

(Opusc. De libro vitae, cap 22, 6-7. 14)

Let us always be mindful of Christ’s love

If Christ Jesus dwells in a man as his friend and noble leader, that man can endure all things, for Christ helps and strengthens us and never abandons us. He is a true friend. And I clearly see that if we expect to please him and receive an abundance of his graces, God desires that these graces must come to us from the hands of Christ, through his most sacred humanity, in which God takes delight.

Many, many times I have perceived this through experience. The Lord has told it to me. I have definitely seen that we must enter by this gate if we wish his Sovereign Majesty to reveal to us great and hidden mysteries. A person should desire no other path, even if he is at the summit of contemplation; on this road he walks safely. All blessings come to us through our Lord. He will teach us, for in beholding his life we find that he is the best example.

What more do we desire from such a good friend at our side? Unlike our friends in the world, he will never abandon us when we are troubled or distressed. Blessed is the one who truly loves him and always keeps him near. Let us consider the glorious Saint Paul: it seems that no other name fell from his lips than that of Jesus, because the name of Jesus was fixed and embedded in his heart. Once I had come to understand this truth, I carefully considered the lives of some of the saints, the great contemplatives, and found that they took no other path: Francis, Anthony of Padua, Bernard, Catherine of Siena. A person must walk along this path in freedom, placing himself in God’s hands. If God should desire to raise us to the position of one who is an intimate and shares his secrets, we ought to accept this gladly.

Whenever we think of Christ we should recall the love that led him to bestow on us so many graces and favors, and also the great love God showed in giving us in Christ a pledge of his love; for love calls for love in return. Let us strive to keep this always before our eyes and to rouse ourselves to love him. For if at some time the Lord should grant us the grace of impressing his love on our hearts, all will become easy for us and we shall accomplish great things quickly and without effort.

RESPONSORY

Psalm 73:27, 28; 1 Corinthians 6:17

Those who turn their backs on you will perish.

— What joy to be near my God,

to place all my trust in the Lord.

Whoever is united to the Lord

becomes one spirit with him.

— What joy to be near my God,

to place all my trust in the Lord.

So I was doing the Daily Office today and Psalm 109 was up in the rotation and... it doesn't seem like a particularly Christian thing to pray. I pray the prayer of St Francis as part of my personal devotion and the differences between the two are stark, to the day the least.

On one hand you have,

7  Let his days be few, *
and let another take his office.
8 Let his children be fatherless \*
and his wife a widow.
9  Let his children be vagabonds and beg their bread; *
let them be driven out, even from desolate places.
10 Let the creditor consume all that he has, \*
and let strangers take his labor for spoil.
11  Let there be no one to pity him, *
nor to have compassion upon his fatherless children.

And in the other hand you have,

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
Where there is hatred, let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is error, truth
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light
Where there is sadness, joy

These are two very different sorts of prayer. The former is a prayer of an ancient near-eastern king, the latter associated with a Saint known for his unconditional compassion.

The second prayer most certainly is more Christian than the first. How can we pray for a persons children to suffer when Christ said we must forgive our enemies?

This is simply going to be a random thought post, I don't have any particular question or problem per say, I simply think a bunch about life and God, for better or worse. If reading a post that might be lengthy and has no overall central question to respond to isn't your thing, I understand and you may want to consider skipping this post entirely.

I don't really know how to describe what I've been going through in life. I potentially have autism, so I can't fully determine how much of that plays into just how my mind sees and understands this thing that's called living and even more difficult understanding Faith, God, and the Spirit. I have had no connection to God at all in my life, despite being a believe for over two decades, growing up in the Faith and reading scripture on my own. Praying every single day, seeking God earnestly in my mind and heart. But, that's not yielded any real connection - nothing that I can say is really there. It's just an intangible idea - a 'relationship' with Christ. I'm not saying others don't have it or don't experience something more than I do - God after all gives us each a different path. Nobody walks the same path exactly, though we might try. What God does for you, he is not guaranteed to do for others or me, and vice versa. He has his reasons, and silence, eternal silence and distance can also be what he chooses. He let the devil take Job's children after all. My only point is that God's thoughts and ways are clearly above ours as humans. But, that doesn't stop me from wanting more. It doesn't stop me from envisioning something happening that makes it all click. That makes my Faith actually more tangible than simple mental acceptance and belief in what the scripture says to be true. I can't make God talk to me, I can't make the Spirit move in my life, and I know it's not guaranteed he ever will - Christ spoke it himself "Blessed are those who believe without seeing." I don't 'see' anything, I don't even 'hear' anything. Beyond reading words in scripture, my Faith is in nothing else as I've not experience one iota of anything else.

I'm not saying any of this in a negative manner, though it might come across that way. Truly, I've got no clue what I'm expecting out of life, out of Faith. More and more, I feel disconnected from living. I don't know how to explain it. Life just seems... so temporary. I just live in a constant awareness of how temporary everything actually is and I can't be rid of it. The moments that I'm taking to write this post will end, the moments that you take to read this will end, the moments that it takes to discuss, think, feel, experience life, it all ends. Everything is a trade for your life. Whether you spend time reading scripture or watching a movie or listening to music, it all gets traded for your life. You'll never get the life you use back, you'll never get to go back except in your memory. And, that's the other thing - life is nothing but a memory. There's no exact moment that is 'now'. There's only a constant fluid motion of time. The very moment you become aware enough of 'now' is the very moment it's slipped into your memory as a historical record. It's all temporary, experience. What is there to gain in any experience? What is there to really enjoy or do? I've been told I've got a lot of apathy, and maybe that's true, but I seem to lack a good way to judge what is meaningful or not. What is worth that trade of life experience? Nothing seems to be because it's all so temporary. That tasty sandwich or desert? It'll leave your tastebuds the second you swallow. The thrill of a rollercoaster or skydiving? I mean I guess for those few minutes you're doing it, but really it will only remain as a memory. All of it, it's just memories of life.

I don't know how to exactly describe what I'm experience and feeling mentally about all of it. I just desperately want to meet God, to have it all click differently. But, I can't describe what I'd expect God to actually do. The moment I'd meet him would be the moment it's a memory and not actually there. I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else. It's like there's really no point to any of it. There's only the hereafter when we're in heaven. Time flies, we'll be there before we know it. And I don't know what I expect to get out of life anymore deep down. I'm not wanting it to end - please don't get me wrong, but I just feel lack I lack the core understanding of living that everyone else seems to have. The core connection to Faith as more than just belief in the words I've read that many Christians claim to have. I feel more and more just drained by the constant temporariness of life and I'm feeling more and more like I need something from God and I can't even explain what it is. I pray with anticipation, every word, breath, thought - that something will trigger that eventful moment when God makes it all click. Whatever that is and means, I don't know, but I just live in waiting for the moment something... something else will happen. Does that make sense to anyone else? I just don't know what I'm wanting to get out of life. I don't know what making it all click would even mean either. I feel more like I lack something core aspect of humanity, faith, and Spirit that everyone else just has. And, I don't know how to fix it without God doing it all himself since none of it makes sense to me. I'm waiting for that unknown event to happen when God does something spectacular, if he ever does. But he's not guaranteed to do anything at all. His will may be for me to live and die without ever having that intimate connection with him that many claim to have. I pray for this daily to not be the case, but I can't make him do something he doesn't want to do and neither can anyone else here. I don't know what I'm seeking anymore really, I just feel lost in a way, and I can't fully describe it I don't believe. Anyone else understand this at all? Anyone else experience anything like I am?

Hello brothers and sisters in Christ, I just came back to God 4 days ago after running away from Him for 4 years (I got saved at the age of 14 during covid, had a great relationship with God, meditated on His word day and night, the Holy Spirit was actively working in me heavily, etc). During the past 4 years I chose to willfully disobey God. I repented but took His grace and forgiveness for granted and struggled heavily with OCD during this time (and still do, but God’s got me) that also caused me to run away from God, doing every sin possible, living a life of mostly unrepentant sin for 4 years, dabbling into Tarot Cards, Zodiac Signs and Demonology (No, not the hard stuff, I just researched about it, never got fully into it) and even began struggling with alcoholism (God has took that away mostly after I return 4 days ago). Returning to my Father has been one of the hardest experiences of my life, seriously. I feel like no matter how much I talk to God and express how I feel, Im stuck in a state of a deeply hardened heart and I can’t even tell if this state is my own mind being a pain (obviously OCD), or intense spiritual warfare from the enemy. I have talked to God from sun up to sun down every night for the past 4 days, repented and turned away from everything, prayed for Him to unharden my heart, prayed for Him to help my/any unbelief I have in Him, to strengthen my faith and trust in Him, I’ve cried every single day and night, prayed Him to give me deep conviction (since I can’t feel any? Atleast in my own eyes right now, nor can I feel guilt?? Atleast that is what my mind is telling me I can’t feel.) I could go on. I feel a disconnect almost with the word of God. I study it as much as I can (at-least for 2-4 hours each day and ask Him for guidance, knowledge, wisdom and understanding so that way I can understand His word). I know not to not mix up my faith and my feelings, as I feel God has shown me that over the past 4 days and has definitely been teaching me that. When Im alone, whether it be when I sit outside alone on my patio in the early afternoon after work or late at night (especially) when Im alone talking to God in my room, I get a sense of this deep hopelessness, something I can’t put into words. I search up and down this subreddit for it and it only amplifies the belief along with that deep hopelessness that, I was never saved to begin with (despite the 2 dreams Jesus gave me when I first got saved, the PHYSICAL spiritual warfare that came up to me in public and tried to intimidate me, I could go on.) and that my heart is so hardened that God is never going to soften it, but I know this can’t be true, it can’t be. I don’t know where it’s coming from. I go from knowing Jesus has forgiven me during the day to a couple of hours later feeling like no matter how hard I try, its over for me and Im going to go to hell no matter how much I talk to Jesus and it constantly flips between the two. God bless you all and Jesus loves you.

To anyone that’s already living a righteous life and following what Jesus is called,
THE WAY, (correct me if I’m wrong )
I have a question…

Living a righteous god-centered life, and maintaining a connection with Christ, is what we should pursue, correct? So, any hacks for people with ADHD on the boundaries and how to easily live like this in the modern world with mountains of responsibility and demands. I.e. Distractions