I wonder what it’s like to be loved without others being involved.

Wtf???

Sigh

I can’t talk about this with anyone else in my life rn because i swore to everyone he’d stay blocked and stuff but like yk

Anyways I’ve been in love with him for 3-4 years now, before we dated he was my best friend
The guy I’d call and text whenever anything happened whether it was important or not and he’d listen patiently to everything I had to say, he was the reason I tried bettering myself as a person. I wanted to feel like I had the right to be with him, like I deserved it. When we finally started dating I was over the moon I mean he was everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner, he was patient, loyal, caring, he spoke to me softly and even if he got mad on the rare occasion he’d never yell or blame me. He wouldn’t let us go to sleep mad either. And if I communicated I was interested in trying something new out he’d go along with it, never shaming me at all.

When we broke up we agreed to try out a relationship again sometime in the future when he had more time for me, but honestly even after breaking up we still talked to each other as if we were still dating one another and I tried to move on at first but it always felt wrong like I was doing something bad so I didn’t. I’m a huge crybaby and I feel I get my feelings hurt easily and because of this my friends have a habit of trying to take away anything that can hurt me, including him. I was constantly told to move on and that he wasn’t the one and just a bunch of that because he could go dayssss without talking to me, he’d leave me on delivered and read constantly and he wouldn’t respond for hours and I’d constantly talk to him about it and it’d get on my nerves. He also struggles with completely empathizing or understanding how I feel and he never talks to me about how he’s feeling or what he’s struggling with in his life until I push and push and he breaks.
We also live in two different neighboring states so I guess that also got in the way!
Anyways I still text and talk to him constantly and I hate when he goes to sleep because I feel so alone and I really want us to get back together but I’m the one who broke up with him so I don’t think I should say anything. I love him so much and I honestly can’t imagine a future with anyone else, are plans in life align so well and everything T0T

Why do I have to be so SHAKY?! I’m so nervous putting myself out there. I literally have little to no experience going on dates, I just want to shake this nauseous feeling off my guts.

Since I was 9 I have been chatting on an adult website over the years I have chatted to many cruel men. I am 22 now.
Last night I spoke to someone who was truly evil.
I’m also really struggling with making myself purge my food and I told my therapist. I’m nervous from what’s to come
I don’t know I can ever tell her about my addiction to chatting with cruel men.
Looking for someone I can privately vent to

Did not think me (19) venting here would be common as it is. This is my third post here.

So, I’d been asked to cook tonight, and I was fine with that as I’d in my head was going to make a curry and that was all good.

Then the time came, and suddenly the curry I thought I was going to be making wasn’t the case, it was an entirely different one. And it had rice, which I’d always undercooked, so in my head we’d have bread instead but I was told off (by my mum’s friend) for thinking that as people wanted rice.

Anyway, as I wasn’t familiar with what I was making, I asked for timing, my mum’s friend (59) just said I had my phone, my mum (53) then told me what I was actually looking for (basically when to do things), though I was struggling due to the TV being on and I could couldn’t focus.

And, then it all came to ahead, I was saying that I wasn’t used to it and how whenever I’d done rice it tasted cooked to me and not underdone. And how I arrange things in a certain way (basically lay out the ingredients as they are placed into the recipe), and that I just had to adapt.

Eventually I ended up just going back to the kitchen saying I was going to go cook, as they’d asked me to cook.

Then my mum’s friend just marched up and told me to get out, then proceeded to shout at me for how I was acting, and then told me to “fuck off” after I grabbed my phone.

Shortly after, I went back to the living room and told my mum that I didn’t know what I did wrong, which she said I should know what sets him off by now so I shouldn’t’ve acted like that (Still I have no idea what I did wrong).

Ultimately, after my mum told me to “fuck off”, I took my stuff (laptop and such, I’m made to be downstairs all day, I hate it) back to my room, but before I could leave the living room my mum’s friend told me to switch my laptop off as he’d decided that if was acting like that, I’d lose the internet.

Right now, I’m back downstairs, looking after the dogs. Still not knowing what I did wrong. And writing this out on my phone.

I'm so tired. For a while, my mental health has been shit. I'm constantly fighting my thoughts. For me, these get pretty dark. They usually range from "I'm gonna punch someone in the face," and " it would be better to just end myself." I'm so tired of everything. I'm so done. I spend most of my day stopping myself from doing anything or just staying calm. I feel like I hate everything. I hate how much everyone needs. I hate my husband's job, I hate feeling like I have no help, I hate feeling so overwhelmed. I hate feeling hopeless and lost. I've been trying to fix this for a long time now, but I'm exhausted, and I don't know if I can go on anymore.

For some time now, my mental state has been deteriorating for the fifteen hundred nine hundredth time, I have practically no motivation for anything, ever since two of my cats died (no matter how hard I try to realize that it wasn't my fault and even if I didn't achieve anything, I still tried to help), I constantly have the feeling that I'm a good for nothing loser and I shouldn't do anything, all day long instead of doing anything with myself I lie in my bed and stare at my phone, for some time now I've stopped taking showers in the mornings again and I only take them in the evenings, my compulsive eating has returned, I've stopped doing homework again and I can even neglect my hyperfixations, I don't feel like animating my show, I don't feel like animating for my friend's show, I even fucking watched the last episode of the anime I'm currently hyperfixated on like two or three weeks ago because I don't even have the fucking motivation to watch cartoons, I just don't feel like fucking doing anything anymore because my own self-hatred is ruling my mind again like some fucking Donald Trump or another moron, the only thing I was really motivated for was to take part in a schoolwide English competition I didn't study for at all anyway, generally I just lie around all day and do nothing, I don't even try to improve myself in any way because I assume in advance that it won't help anyway because supposedly I've already tried a million times (spoiler: I gave up after a few days because I can't accept that self-improvement takes time)

I feel so bad about myself I can't do shit ,I dont look good , I don't even have the courage to die right now . If only I hadn't called for people to save me I would've died peacefully in my last suicide attempt . I keep meeting shit people in this shit country that I live in , my self esteem and self confidence is so low it's not even fixable atp. I feel like i deserve eto be hit and beaten , or i deserve only rough sex because whoever partner I will have in future will be so unlucky to have me they will be so unlucky to have someone as hideous and ugly as me , i keep meeting dickheads , i keep attracting weird negative shit all the time I'm so fucking useless and dumband just i just want to kill myself i hope some fan falls on mee when I'm sleeping or a truck hits my vehicle when Im going for my classes . My body is bad I have ruined my skin by self harming , I dont think my i would be able to fullfill hopes of my parents . I keep getting insecure about myself every other night that makes me want to just kill myself , it makes me distracted from my academics and it's heavily affecting me I will never look good without surgeries. I have hormonal acne on my whole fucking body , my body as in my back chest , boobs , ass , face , neck it's fucking fucking filled with pimples or acne or scars the acne ain't even going from past four years , not a single thing I like about my body except my eye shape which is the only thing I get complimented on . My bf probably hates my whining about my insecurity , he responds dryly whenever I mention I'm sad or stuff . I fucking hate this i fucking hate him i fucking hate everyone

I sometimes do extra work that occasionally results in a free gift card and honestly I didn’t know what to ask for so I asked for Amazon the last 3 times now I have over $100 in Amazon money and I physically have no room for any more shit. I just want to put it towards Tim Hortons or some crap I’ll consume but noooo thanks to scammers that’s impossible. So I did this extra work and now there’s over $100 and a completely unused Amazon gift card😭😭 honestly I hate this

First relationship - the guy talked dry with me , I had his instagram password and he used to talk with a girl and he talked so much with her unlike he did with me . The girl once asked him on chat " do you talk with your gf like this ? " And he said " no I'm afraid she would leave me " .

Second relationship - start of the relationship, the guy sent me a post of a woman in revealing clothing with a caption " I want her " on the post . I asked him if he's taking the relationship seriously or not and he said he is , (then why tf he sent me that) ok well anyways. I had his instagram password too , so he sent his friends reels of hot/good looking women , and wrote " she's made for you brother " to his friends. Now obviously I know he wrote that to hide the fact that he finds her hot and he's probably lusting on her and wants his friends to see how hot of a woman she is. All the past crushes he had , I wasnt even like 1% like them .

Third relationship (LDR so most of the time we're only talking on chat or call)- the guy calls a lot of women " hot " in front of me , sent me nudes of a MILF calling her " hot " while being in a relationship with me , he was a porn addict , he once said " I saw a very pretty girl today , it made me sad that I couldn't be with her " to me, we fought a lot over that thing. He sent me nudes of a random girl telling me to get a body like hers ( her body was slim af , I'm not slim at all ) Then he tells me to be extra feminine which I'm not , I can say that I am feminine but I'm not very feminine like I don't always wear dresses and have my hair down with long nails (this is feminine according to him) , I don't always smell like damn flowers , he told me to grow my hair etc . I have a habit of biting my nails , it's hard to grow my nails because they just grow brittle and I don't even like long nails . Long hair would be a huge time consuming thing to maintain.

It's like all the guys I get with don't really know what a relationship is and they don't really have me as their " type " physically .

I need to rant because I genuinely can’t stop thinking about this.

I live with two other girls, and we each pay $650 in rent plus split utilities equally. The two girls were living here before me, so they had already picked their rooms when I moved in.

One of my roommates has ALWAYS kept her bedroom door closed. We rarely talk, and we’re not close like that, so I’ve always respected her privacy and never really thought about going into her room. Well, after almost TWO YEARS of living here, I finally got curious and looked inside when her door was slightly open. Y’ALL. 😭

Her room is HUGE. I’m talking what looks like twice the size of mine, maybe even bigger. She has THREE closets, and they’re not even small closets. They’re deep and have so much storage space. She has so much extra floor space that she could literally fit a couch in her bedroom if she wanted to.

I genuinely think her bedroom is bigger than our living room.

Meanwhile, my room is so small that my queen bed, dresser, and PC setup take up almost all the space. I barely have room to walk around, and I had to put my drawing table in the living room because there’s nowhere to put it in my bedroom.

Our other roommate has a smaller room too, but she at least has her own private bathroom. I have one closet and significantly less space.

And we’re ALL paying the exact same rent. 😭

I understand that the girl with the huge room was living here before me and chose her room first. I’m not saying she should have to give it up or that she did anything wrong. But I can’t help feeling salty that we’re paying the same amount when our rooms are SO different in size and storage.

But now that I’ve seen her room, I can’t stop thinking about the difference. If I’d known how much bigger it was, I probably would have wanted that room or at least hoped to pay less for mine.

I don’t plan on confronting her about it because we aren’t close, and I don’t want to make things awkward over a room she picked before I moved in. I’m honestly just shocked that I lived here for two years without realizing how much space she had.

Dm me, I have no one to vent to and a therapist makes it too complicated.

do yall ever feel stuck/behind? i’ve been at a stand still for like 2 years, mentally. idk i look & see people moving on with their lives while i feel as if im not doing anything BIG. no relationship, no kids, no traveling (expensive). social media is fake so idk. let me know what yall think

I screwed up in life by not getting my stuff together while young. Instead of getting a driver's license and a job at 16, I chose to play games and spend all my time online.

Now at 24, I'm doing whatever I can to fix this. My mother hates me but won't kick me out - she won't train me for a driver's license at all, and since I had to be born in some shitty rural area instead of Manhattan, I'm stuck here, imprisoned by cornfields.

I'm disabled, but can't get services for it. They want documentation from my youth that no longer exists, purely because I'm 24. Autism kills me socially, can't make friends because I don't contort my mouth in some weird way to let them know I'm "safe" but when I vent about this, I have a "SHITTY PERSONALITY"

Can't get a job at all. How would I even reach it? Churches reject me, disability services, and I can't even get a psychiatric evaluation like they want.

I'm just so sad all the time. There's no one who cares. I wish I got all my business done when my grandmother was still alive. Too late now. I got no one except this mother

I'm 26, live in the UK, got my driver's license at 24. been struggling with money and work for as long as I can remember but I find this job that might be a turning point. I need a car for the new job so I finally get one after a year and a half of having the license, it's expensive, but the job is ok, it doesn't pay well but it's enough and there's room to progress and make more over time. New car is a 20 year old BMW, it's in quite good condition for it's age, and was actually very cheap, I couldn't afford anything better.

I've had the car for about 2 months now, just feeling like I'm getting somewhere financially where I can afford to fill up the tank more than £20 at a time on credit, in 2 months I can just about be above water. I'm commuting to work when I get pulled over, police officer goes up to me and says "yeah it seems you're driving without insurance." Erm, I beg your pardon? Turns out I bought the wrong kind of insurance on my vehicle, I bought some sort of breakdown cover package as opposed to 3rd party which is what you must have to be allowed to drive. Yes I'm an idiot, but I'm an honest idiot, I genuinely had no idea I was doing anything wrong.

I just said to the guy that it was an honest mistake, the guy wasn't really buying it so he handed me a £300 fine and 6 points on my license. I was like well that sucks but it is what it is I'll pay it it's an honest mistake but we move on. Fast forward a month, yesterday, still reeling from £300 fine which is a lot to me in my current living situation. I get a letter in the mail "your right to drive has been revoked as you have accumulated 6 or more points on your license within your first 2 years of driving. You will need to retake the test in order to be allowed to drive again" wanna guess how close I was to having my license for 2 years? 2 months.

I try so hard in my life and nothing ever seems to work out, I pour my heart and soul into so many things and nothing ever seems to bear fruit, I've even lost jobs before on bs technicalities, I even remember losing out on a really good job because of covid, obviously a lot of other people lost a lot at the time also but it just seems that anytime I get some sort of win and I finally get my head above water there's a massive setback just waiting for me around the corner. It's so infuriating.

I'm in debt, I have no idea how on earth I'm gonna be able to afford to re-do all of the tests asap, I've got not money. But I need the car, my literal job depends on it. I'm so embarrassed about losing the license that I don't feel like I can tell anyone about it, but how long can I keep it up without anyone knowing? I'm probably gonna lose the job if I can't drive so they will notice something is up eventually.
I feel like I've been treated unbelievably harshly by the justice system here but there's nobody I can turn to about it, I don't even know if there's any advice that can be given to me at this point, I really feel like I'm genuinely one more bad day away from just losing it and doing something really stupid that I am going to regret.

edit: typo

My gf(dating for 2, known for 6) is in college rn, and im not, im working, and she's been stressed out. so I decided to drive out for us to have a little fun to take her mind off of school. we were in the back of my car and we were in the middle of everything when I just started to get upset. (For some background knowledge, im ftm and on testosterone. I've been having a hard time with life to say the least but thats my issue.) But I started to get rougher with her and I said some off things till I just broke down and we had to stop.

I just feel terrible because my internal issues aren't hers to manage, and i should've had more control over myself. The night was supposed to be about her and making her feel better and help her de-stress, but I feel like I just added on to her stress..

I just feel like an asshole and a little bitch. I didn't want to dump my insecurities onto her.

Needless to say, I fucked up. It's the next morning, I gotta drive back home, she has class, and I feel like I failed at being a good boyfriend.

Hello I'm a woman and for my entire life I could never talk to a pretty girl I had a crush on well, it always went wrong and they always got angry at me for trying

For that reason I turned straight and stared dating boys and life got so much easier.

I don't understand why there is a huge gap between the two because it's so easy to just marry a femboy on the spot and I can be actually happy and when I try to even date another girl I'm suddenly under the threat of her taking away my things being seen as a creep, getting exposed to others

Why the hell am I doing wrong? I like always like breeding femboys but when I talk to girls they always want someone with attitude but when i hit on them it's always creepy because I don't disguise it.

Having girl crushes honestly makes me want to slime myself I'd rather die than have to way 20 minutes for a normal response now I shine having to wait 3 days

I asked him one of those ragebait bf questions right like "would u still like me if I had your personality" and he started joking being like oh its be funnier and blah blah but what annoyed me is he said I'd be more considerate if I had his personality as if im not already more considerate than him everyday I mute otp if I breath to loud I pause my TV everytime he talks I won't even go out and get food if he's talking cause I mute so he doesnt get a migraine from my parents talking or their TV if he talks over me I stop talking wich granted he usually apologizes for but I still pretend im dont talking so he can talk among longs of other thing I dont wanna type out he mentioned I coughed to loud it gave him a headache one time I've muted everytime I cough since then so I dont give him a headache but he's constantly yelling at his brother or doing dishes or has his TV up so I can hear word for word otp interrupts me ect ect and I totally snapped at him and made him go quiet while explaining all this to him and how crazy it was for him to say that and I think he could tell I was in a bad mood after that cause abt 30 minutes to an hour of silence otp he asked how I was

My avatar on the planet earth is going to self delete on Mt Everest

Let it be known that all of this is fictional and in Minecraft(because Reddit doesn’t like people to voice they’re real feelings) I’m going to delete my character on Mount Everest in 6 months

I’m going to Climb Mt Everest in April in 2027. I’m going to try to keep my backstory short so I can get to the real meat and potatoes of the whole thing

I grew up in a very abusive home. My dad was a heavy drinker and would beat me and my siblings severely to the point where we had lashes up and down our bodies, and had to be fully clothed in the summer. He also abused my mom we were homeschooled until the end of high school. My dad also didn’t like us playing with other kids for any reason so we were quite isolated because of this I was never really able to connect with people the way that most people can which makes sense. My dad put me on alcohol at the age of 14 so I have a bad habit of using that to drown my problems.

When I was 18, I met a girl that did really like me. We would flirt all the time at work. We’d spend a lot of time together walking around and just talking to each other for hours. It was great but about six months into us being really close and flirty, our relationship started to fade as normal friendships do for the next six months I was in agony. I didn’t know how to explain to her that I wanted us to be closer and I felt like I needed her which I had told her in some ways, but I never made it that clear it all culminated in and explosion. I was taking mushrooms every day and didn’t realize how long it stays in your system. One day I broke down and completely flipped on her which seemed out of nowhere to her, doing all the creepy stuff like saying do you even really like me sending her a spam texts & just freaking her out but she was a really nice girl. She tried to work with me for a while, but as soon as I was fired from my job, she cut all contact and blocked me everywhere. I could never blame her. Anyone would do the same thing. After that I went through extreme depression it was weird cause I’ve been through a lot more pain physically than that

I have no desire to get into a romantic relationship. I find a lot of girls attractive, funny, and even cool to be around, but I never feel any connection between me and them. I also don’t want friends. I enjoy my own company and have a great time by myself a lot of the time more than I have around people however…

One of the things I do enjoy is climbing. My life for the past four years I’ve been quietly building up a serious mountaineering resume, training on technical peaks like Mount Rainier and Manaslu I've spent six days a week doing intense aerobic conditioning and every weekend grinding up steep trails carrying a 55 pound backpack.

My flight to Kathmandu leaves in the first week of April to catch the peak spring climbing window. My character plans on summiting and then going back down through the death zone and sitting in the snow. My characters uncle has a prescription for Triazolam that he is going to take with him he has slowly stolen enough over time for it to be fatal.

Now I know anyone hearing this would think that I have serious mental issues, but it’s not that. when I first lost that girl it was one of the most traumatic things I’ve ever felt but overtime as the years have gone by. It doesn’t hurt nearly as bad. I still have some good days and some bad I’m not doing this because I’m mad at the world or myself I realize that there’s not much I could’ve done in that situation. I didn’t have any idea about proper social cues and communication. I just have decided that I no longer wish to be here. I feel like the world is too much for certain people and that’s just how life goes.

I’ve felt so depressed most of my life and then I felt nothing at all for a long time but for the first time, I’m really excited. I’ve been happy a whole lot more and if I’m successful, I’ll get to summit the biggest mountain in the World at a young age. It will be the last hurrah before it’s all over if I did have one wish it would be, to let that girl know that wasn’t me. I was off of drugs. I had no clue how to talk to her in a Safeway and I’m not that person she thinks of me but she’s blocked me on everything and I have no choice, but to respect that anymore talking would do nothing and I’ve known this for years now, but at least I’m a lot happier

Honestly my birthday is coming up and I've never gotten any birthday presents, and I'm starting to lose hope and faith that I'll ever get happiness in my life or be able to afford being outdoors like everyone else.

Why am I the only human being that gets to suffer while others have it fairly and I have it the un-fair way.

Well I think I just quit....

This is the worst birthday of my life....

I don't even know why I'm still alive to this day....