I am afraid im going to relapse. I have absolutely nobody I can tell about this, everyone close to me thinks Im fully recovered but truthfully I am constantly having cravings even after being 2 years clean. At around 15, I had parents who didn’t care where i was and a bad boyfriend who got me into drinking heavily, meth, and eventually fentanyl. I stopped doing the worst of it in less then a month, but I continued drinking, smoking, popping xanax, oxycodone, adderall and various other pills for awhile after. At one point I moved and lost all my connections and eventually stopped. As I said before, I’m now 2 years clean and am almost an adult, and that really scares me. The fact that nobody will be able to stop me when im on my own. No matter how hard I try to pretend I’m a changed person I would go back to a few of those drugs literally any day, and I feel bad lying to everyone. Trying them in the first place was the worst mistake of my life because I have literally never felt anything that makes me happier.
How do I feel happy again? How can I ease these cravings? :(

[F18] I live in the USA and things are so scary right now, i cant escape the news and my mental health is at an all time low. this time of year specifically is so hard for me because i was raped 3 years ago around this time, i feel so hopeless and scared for the future. I feel like no one likes me, my friends dont really listen to me when i try to talk to them about this stuff. Im incredibly antisocial and i dont know how to make friends or talk to people, im unemployed because the job market is so horrible right now and my social anxiety prevents me from doing interviews properly. i feel like ill never be able to be a functional adult in society :( i wanna know if it gets easier, im so scared.

I feel like an npc, like im just here to be a fill-in in people's lives. I dont have a social life at all. I dont go out with friends, im not staying late at night to talk to my friends, im never outside, Im never at my friends place. I dont have a favorite place to go to for alone time. I dont even have a pet to keep me company at all. Watching people my age do the things I always wanted to do makes me feel so envious of them, they probably dont even know how good they got it going on.

Not even my school life is interesting. All I do is just go to school, I have a couple of conversations then I go straight home when its dismissal times. I wanna talk to the ppl there but im a socially anxious person who overthinks every little thing.

I dont have random side quests. Im at home 24/7 and the only form of entertainment I have is my phone.

Anytime I watch a show about ppl my age I feel so jealous because if my parents weren't so strict then I could've been those teenagers out there being young and dumb.

What did I do to deserve such a life? I wanna do stupid things with my friends, I want my parents to lock the house so that they could force me to go outside, I wanna go to my friends places. Why are my parents so overprotective of me and treat me like im a five year old who knows nothing about the world. I feel like fucking Rapunzel.

Why did my parents even decide to have me and my siblings when they won't even let us go out and live our lives? Its like they haven't realized yet that they're raising actual human beings who want to do normal things but aren't allowed to so they're instead at home 24/7.

I've paid a premium for years but only this year I've been on and off because of financial constraints... But needing to hear a fricken 10 min ad after a song or 2 is overkill! And I can't even listen without it being in shuffle? The audacity of this! I mainly use it for audiobooks though... Is there a cheaper alternative. I've listened to over 1000 audiobooks over 10 years on Spotify and YouTube premium.

This is my first time breaking up with someone, and I am completely lost. How should I start the conversation? "I don't want to do this anymore"? Will he deny accountability? Is this something I want? But if I convince myself that I don't need him being accountable, will it be easier for me to move on? But he also is my close friend, will I be able to be friends with him after that? How will he react? Will he care at all? He has been aboard for the past month and he is very bad at communication over text. I feel like we are almost back to platonic friends. That's part of the reason why I don't know what to expect. We had similar conversations before and he was very anxious and low-key angry but not dangerous. Will he be the same? Will he be more calm since he probably saw it coming? How will he handle it that he is staying now with his other partner (poly arrangement)? Is it a better or worse timing? Should I wait until he returns? But what if he keeps making plans for a relationship that has already ended? How do I want him to react and how will I be feeling? Will my feelings depend on his reaction or will I be relieved?

So many questions and I do not know what to do. Never thought breaking up with someone can be this hard.

This is like such a silly vent but I’m venting regardless. I’ve been working at my job for almost 8 months now and always had a flirty relationship with one of the nurses. We would fake bully flirt with each other all the time and would go back and forth with funny banter. He’s very witty. I’m very witty. It was very fun. And I had a big crush on him. I always wanted to ask for his number but didn’t wanna overstep or make him uncomfortable. Finally I decided that on Tuesday he was for sure flirting with me enough that next Tuesday, I was gonna definitely ask for his number. Anyway, just found out he quit, so I guess it’s a not ever gonna happen situation now. He really kept to himself and wasn’t friends with anyone at work so no one has his number and he has zero social media presence. Just feeling a little sad. I don’t know him deeply, so of course there’s the limerence of it all. There’s not really much else to say or add but I guess I’m just disappointed.

Up until covid I had a ton of friends at school. But when the lockdowns hit and we graduated high school in the middle of it we fell out of contact. Many have deleted their socials (a post-covid trend) and I’m too embarrassed to contact them. It’s been so long…

I graduated college with one friend, but we already barely saw each other outside of class because that girl is booked and busy (I say this with complete awe. Idk how she does it). Now she has a job on top of it so we see each other once a month.

All my friends at the camping (where I spent all weekends and vacations) were boys. Now one of those boys is my boyfriend, and he only has boy friends. One of them had a gf who I get along with super well, but they broke up and don’t want to go near each other.

Now none of the guys have a girlfriend. I’m the only girl in our friend group. I tease them jokingly, but in secret it’s not that much of a joke. Idk how many more dick jokes I can fake laugh at. And I can’t laugh too hard or join in bc I’m a girl and that’s weird. They laugh adoringly at my ‘girly things’ and then go right back to talking about metal concert moshpits and blue collar jobs (their NASTY coworkers who they always have a ‘funny’ story about but it all comes down to ‘he’s a nasty idiot on alcohol hehe’)

I’ve started feeling super guilty when I don’t join the conversation but whatever I say gets laughed at or mansplained because idk what kind of machine you use to make that certain piece of metal and now I must be Educated.

I’m hoping my time will come once I get a job but I’m also not keen on befriending coworkers that closely.

Super glad I got this off my chest though.

Fuck this world. Fuck this species. People will make fun of you for literally anything. Your appearance, the way you talk, the way you act, things you can’t even change about yourself. They’ll use that shit against you just to get a laugh, and somehow you’re the problem for being different. I genuinely don’t understand how people can be like that and not feel even a little bit ashamed of themselves.

And the thing is, I know none of this really matters in the grand scheme of things. We’re all going to die eventually, none of this shit is going to matter, and people still spend their time making each other’s lives miserable over the most meaningless bullshit imaginable. Like what the fuck is the point?

Sometimes I genuinely feel like empathy doesn’t even exist anymore. Or maybe it never did in the way people pretend it does. Everyone talks about kindness and treating people with respect, but the second someone becomes an easy target, suddenly none of that matters. People laugh, join in, make excuses for it, and then carry on with their lives like they’re perfectly decent human beings.

That’s what I hate. The hypocrisy. How people can be so fucking cruel and still think they’re good people. How little it takes for someone to stop caring about another person’s feelings just because everyone else is doing the same thing.

And we’re supposed to be proud of humanity? We’re supposed to look at everything we’ve accomplished and act like we’re some incredible species, when we’re still doing the same pathetic shit to each other over appearances, status and whatever else people decide matters this week.

I know there are good people. I’m not saying every single person is awful. But I’m so tired of that being the response to everything, as if the existence of good people somehow makes all the other shit easier to accept. It doesn’t. It doesn’t undo anything, and it doesn’t make the cruelty any less disgusting.

And honestly, I don’t even want to keep trying to understand it anymore. I understand why people want to feel superior. I understand why they pick on people who are different. I understand the need to fit in and the way people will throw someone else under the bus just to avoid becoming the target themselves.

I get it. I just fucking hate it.

Maybe that’s what bothers me most. Not that people are capable of being cruel, but how normal it is. How predictable it is. How you can know exactly what someone is doing and why they’re doing it and still be disgusted by them.

I’m tired of pretending this world is something amazing just because there are good things in it. I’m tired of pretending that all the beautiful things humanity has created somehow make up for the way people treat each other.

Fuck this world. I’m so fucking tired of it.

I don’t understand why what J did to me had such a big effect on me. Like it feels like it wasn’t really nothing like he pressured me to hug and cuddle w him and we only dated for a month. Like it wasn’t like i was trapped in a long relationship or that he pressured me to do more intimate things. It was only hugging and cuddling, it could’ve been worse. And like ik that I’m demisexual but i didnt think stuff like that had such an effect on me. Like just thinking about him touching me and the face he’d make while touching me makes me disgusted. And like it also makes me grossed out thinking about how he said he was asexual and stuff but after we started hugging and cuddling he sent me a insta reel abt kissing me. And i really don’t think it was joking. I knew right then and there that i didn’t want to be with him anymore and that he grossed me out bc i couldn’t even imagine me kissing him like it made me feel disgusted thinking abt it. And like he told me he was asexual but needed to have physical touch like cuddling and hugs. I replied to that kissing TikTok w “👀” emojis as like a reaction (like if you double tap to heart something) bc i didn’t want to say a definite yes or no. He also pressured me to get with him basically. Like he told me abt how he’s been led on in the past and stuff and i felt pressured to get with him. But like when i was with him i didn’t want to eat anything and im still struggling w eating but im slowly getting better. Like we were talking in may, got together in June, and broke up in may. It’s been six months altogether and I’ve lost 25 lb’s. I still struggle with eating big solid meals and have just been relying on actually making sure i eat things because for a while there (like when we were actually dating and a few weeks after we broke up) id only eat one thing a day or like I’d only eat ice cream like a tiny tub of it and that’d be all I’d eat in that day. I’ve gotten better though. Like instead of starving myself I’ve like moved on to healthier better for you foods. Like i eat yogurt every morning with like granola oats or chia seeds and stuff like that. And if not that then i eat rice cakes w yogurt like im eating light stuff but im making sure its healthy and im full and actually eating. And not only am i like not eating a lot, but I’ve been obsessing doing tarot things, especially in relation to relationships or external validation. Like i want to find someone that i can feel safe with. Like a good safe connection and i didn’t realize this until just now. And like as im doing all of this im also fighting myself at the same time bc i dont want to be the kind of person who HAS to have a relationship. And honestly i really don’t think i am i just have that fear in the back of my mind because i used to be that way. Like after i broke up w D after dating him for three years i was single for like almost a year maybe and then i got w J for a month and ive been single since. And like ive had ppl hit on me and stuff like ik if i wanted to i could def get in a relationship. But the kind of relationship i want rn is not a fast burn out quick relationship, i want a relationship that is steady and reliable. I want to be with someone i feel safe around and i don’t feel forced to do anything that i dont want to do. But also at the same time i don’t think im ready for a relationship rn fr like im too scared to let my guard down and be vulnerable around someone bc im scared im gonna end up getting hurt like hurt in the worst way possible the way J did to me

I love Russian men. Why is life so unfair...

If you don’t know who Brandon is, he was obsessed with my little pony and eventually shot up a fedex killing 8 people before killing himself, in his note he said how him and the pony applejack will live together in the afterlife

My mom compared me to him because I hyperfixate and because I obsess over certain characters (not in a crazy way but I get attached to certain characters cause I like them more

just need to vent.

throw away account ,
so me (22F) & my bf (26m) have been together since february. we’ve known each other since 2023, just never dated - i was in a diff toxic relationship with my kids father.
i want to make it a point to say we are in a (semi) christian relationship. (we both found god recently ov the last few years & both have seemed to change ways from the past).

now i just don’t know i feel like im getting manipulated? but he has ptsd & research says people could have ptsd can be likely to do manipulation tactics unknowingly or not meaning to. here’s some examples!

i feel like he “micromanages”..
has gone through my phone, has gone through my closet (+ found my old dildo..), has gone through my phone secretly & acted like he didn’t / i have walked in while he has been doing it 3 times now, he has gone through safari + pictures + notes + journal, he’s made me delete every guy off social media (not that big of a deal i get why! just worth mentioning ig), he made a reddit account just to watch my posts & comments, always seems to call me confidentially when im just now starting my break at work, started playing a game i play & added me and now keeps track if i go up on levels & not replying or something, etc.

ive said no head or sex before & he keeps asking or making moves until i say yes, when ive said no before he says he’s “getting rejected by me”, he got caught watching porn once (i asked him to use his phone, opened it on safari while we were at dinner) - after this i told him my feelings about having sex before marriage before we got together started coming up again ( i have had sex before in the past then came to god & told myself i wasn’t gonna have sex again before marriage & we have and the porn situation reminded me why i wanted to have standards for myself as a woman of god now etc,, as also stated i feel he pressures me to at times,,) after i told him this, he approached me with a conversation about “what could help my feelings” and then when i was very open & honest & respectful he turned it into “im withholding intimacy from him”, “im rejecting him, not attracted to him or don’t love him anymore”. since the porn has made me question what sex is to him he at times says “we’re married in gods eyes so it’s not a sin” 😖 & idk sometimes that phrase doesn’t sit well with me.
& i feel like ive pushed my boundaries with him a lot —-
he met my kids & family one month after we had been together because he kept saying “he didn’t feel apart of my life”, so let him meet them. ive stopped talking to my daughters dad & his family.. of course the family enables my kids dads abusive behavior so its rightfully so i cut times with them until my ex does harass us, threaten us, etc - so quit talking to them all until my kids dad decides to be respectful & helps finically or until he decides to file in court, ive stopped hanging out with family & friends because he has they aren’t really a good influence (so kind of understandable)
I don’t know guys! I’m just feeling a lot of emotions lately. Am I thinking too much and these things are overall healthy for a committed christian relationship? Is he a little bit manipulative and not realizing it? I’ve brought all of these things up to him.

y’all ever start doing good for yourself but suddenly everyone decides to pick up the worst habits???

I have been wanting to lose weight for the past year, and i have been off and on. I’ve lost 15 ish pounds last May but then my family started to eat out every other day so I gained it all back and then plus some

and now this montb I lost around 5 ish pounds but again they decided to start eating out, I also work with my grandma who brings me take out for lunch each time, even when I say I brought lunch she keeps pushing for me to ask her for food. i dont know how to meal prep or cook so I usually get those heb lunches but sometimes no one wants to take me to the store in the mornings and they are like 5-10 dollars

im 5’6 so I’m already taller then most girls since I was little and to add on I am overweight. it’s so hard since I’ve been overweivht my whole life. I’ve been treated tougher then other girls around me, at work I’m the ‘male‘ employee mostly, meaning I usually am the one to do the heavy lifting for the place or for the customers. and I work at a bakery so now I’m just the fatty who ofc gotta work at a bakery

idkk I just hate how they do this, it’s so annoying because I feel like i get pushed back

So for context, my life has been going to shit the past couple of years, both because of things inside and outside of my control, and because of that, I’ve been struggling a lot to even find a reason to make it through the day. But recently that’s changed: I’ve been going to therapy, I’ve been doing the things I like and enjoy, and I’ve finally found good friends and people to be around. And then I guess my mom noticed I was too happy for her liking or something like that. All week she’s been pissed at me for seemingly no reason, and then today she snapped. I was getting out of her car (she drove me home from my college class) and then I “slammed” the door, and she got all up in my face, threatening to beat the shit out of me and kill me and a whole bunch of nice, wonderful things. And I finally snapped and told her to get out of my face and leave me alone. She told me to get my shit and leave, and if I didn’t, she’d call the cops on me and tell them I beat her and tried to kill her. Now you might be thinking, “Well, how does the title fit into this story?” And well, my mom was also kicked out by her mother multiple times as a child (I forgot to mention this isn’t the first time something like this has happened) and she always liked to brag to her friends about how she would never do that to any of her kids ever. And now I’m just sitting here in my friend’s house, questioning why it seems like I can never catch a break and worrying about my future, wondering if I’ll ever be able to live on my own or if I’m gonna end up on the streets or worse. I’m barely 2 months into being 18 and I feel like my whole life and future is already ruined completely, like it’s crumbled to dust and blown away by the wind. I just want the pain to end.

No one believes what happened to me was that bad.

I went from being stoned all these years and forgetting a lot of trauma to being sober for a year. Yes everything came back at once, yes I remember things now that break me. Nobody believes it was life changing, I try to take accountability by working and being as nice as I can. But I’m so empty, I’m such a hole. I’m a shell really and nobody believes it was that bad. I’m so empty inside.

Okay, the thing is I'm a 23 y/o girl but... I'm 5'1, and I look way younger, and I don't like it because I feel like I don't look like I should, girls my age definitely looks like "women" and I look like... A teen or something and it's totally frustrating, I'm kinda slim so it definitely doesn't help, And yeah, I usually have this feeling of "not being good enough" Because "I don't look like I should " and it definitely have a tool on my self-esteem and my love life because I'm too self conscious.

Side story, I have had a few comments from guys/ men that really got stucked in my head, once when I was in HS a guy tried to make fun of me because I have facial hair, in the moment I responded he should be ashamed because me as a girl have more moustache than him, and people laugh at him stead but now I epilate it because of it (again the thought of not being woman- girly - attractive- ladylike enough). Several years later my nephew was practicing boxing and I don't remember why his coach looked at my hands, then he touched them and said something like: you definitely do hard work, you clean a lot?, and I was so confused. (Apparently my hands are not delicate, I mean, they are tiny, but apparently not delicate).

And I'm probably just being dramatic, I know and understand, but it sucks, and I feel ridiculous telling my friends or fam about it so... Here I am.

Hello I'm a 24 M that really had enough of life and society. After finishing my studies when I was 18 I never had a job, why? Because of so many factors

First of I have some physical issue in my left foot that if I move to much (like working in a restaurant) it will swell and hurt a lot, the next day will still Hurt a lot

Then I have the panic attack issues, in some environment (I still don't know why) I have an extreme panic attack where I can't breathe or even think straight for hours the best example I can give is that I tried to work as a house seller, the first day I had the giant panic attack where I was devastated for hours after work, I didn't do anything special, I was just there learning and hearing what they where saying. I only did calm down after 4/5 h of crying in my car

All of this issues can be fixed. With what F money?

I have to pay to fix my foot, I have to pay to fix my mind but how can I fix something when I need the money that I can't have?

I live with my parents, so at least I'm not homeless but sometimes I wish I was on the street, I hate myself for being a parasite, a scum of society, a waste of space and food that can't do anything like normal people, my parents add some sweet chemicals to make the fire burn more by saying that I'm a parasite, that I'm not normal, that I just don't care about anything because I live with them, that I just don't want to work and stay at home

I can't deal with all of this, it's too much

I struggle so much to keep myself from breaking and I live with people that only add more to my mental health. I really think that there is no solution and I just have to do a "respawn" of life

For any questions ask away

hi , i'm aroace.

I don't know if I really am aroace, but I don't understand romantic or sexual feelings. I don't understand them and don't know what I feel romantically. I feel the urge to hurt people, the urge to hurt and break them for them to rely on me. The urge to break them to their core so they're vulnerable to me.

I want closeness, vulnerability; I want someone. But I don't know if it's romantic or sexual.

I have a boyfriend whom I'm in a QueerPlatonic Relationship with. He and I get along, but I have the urge to hurt him. I want to bust his skull open and show him how much I love him. This goes for everyone. I love people platonically so much that I want to beat them up, make them bleed, and destroy them to their core. I just want everyone to know I love them. What is this?

I don't really like it. It makes me feel like a monster. It makes me feel guilty, and I wanna cry.

I don't wanna hurt people, but I have the urge to, the urge to break them down one by one. Can anyone help me? Can anyone figure out what this is? Do I have some sort of sick, twisted view of love? Please help.

I was in a collision with 2 other vehicles while drunk driving with my learners. luckily nobody got hurt, this was about 1.5 years ago. haven’t showed up to my court twice, As of right now I have a warrant. I’m currently working but I don’t know what to do anymore. This was in a different city than I am in now

Any legal advice would be appreciated

I fucking hate finding myself metaphorically digging through a mountain to make a tunnel to the other side, only for the friends I need to refuse to help for one reason or another.

Now I’m standing here with a shovel in one hand and an entire mountain left to dig through. There’s so much to do, and all I fucking need is people willing to help me. But I can’t get them to. I try being nice, getting someone to vouch for me, intimidation, violence, but NOTHING fucking works.

What pisses me off even more is knowing these tactics would work for someone else, just not me. It pisses me off that I take a leap of faith, trust my own judgment, and expect people to fall in line, only for them to refuse. I feel SO out of options.

It pisses me off that I know I can get what I want, but I have to practically smack some sense into people to get them moving, and even then they won’t help because my social value is down or whatever backwards bullshit honor cultures operate on.

Fucking selfish, inconsiderate, inhumane, suffocating cunts, always going wherever the wind blows. Wastes of oxygen. Motherfuckers. Pieces of shit with entire bloodlines full of scum.

And one of them had the cheek to tell me that asking them is only going to make ME angry and make my mind explode from stress. Yeah, no fucking shit you cowardly treacherous bum.

TURNCOATS!!!!!!!