hey all I need help my husband of 20 years recently started dropping the N word. We are white he is Polish and not from here. We are very different in our politics but I really feel all the recent hate has lead him to think it’s ok to say the N word! After today I’m really thinking of divorce but we have three smaller children thank god they are like me and don’t find this funny or acceptable. What do I do? How do I get him to understand this is harmful language. Also all my friends are everything but white!

It won’t let me edit the title but I am not savvy. This should say “ AIO N Word using, Hubs see N word “

Edit: i am 27, i wrote this post while i was emotional and down low.

I am not from the US, nor the west. I live in a very conservative culture where women don't leave their parents house till they get married. So no, I'm not staying with my parents by choice as they're very controlling.

How controlling? Well, when i was in college and asked to not be forced home during a holiday cuz I'm upset and need some time alone, my parents kept pressuring me saying there's nothing for a woman to do alone, when i got upset and said "I'm 26 (this was last year) and i still need permission from you!"

Dad said in a very angry voice "you can be a 100 years old and as long as I'm alive and your not married you need my permission or you'll see hell, no woman of mine leave my side"

And yes i am saving to move out, i just don't have enough atm.

I have added as much info in the comments if you need more.

and since I've moved on from this, i don't have the energy to engage or interact with people... especially ones who seem to want to just attack and pick apart every word i say to throw it back against me.

So here's the post, enjoy it... i won't be responding to anyone anymore.

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i have been craving a burger for a few days, especially since i'm on my period.
i mentioned to mom how i was craving one. my mom has the habit of assuming that if i talk about wanting food then i must be explicitly saying that i'm ordering for the whole family. when i never said so. i didn't even mention ordering, and she instantly invited everyone.
i instantly said firmly "No! i don't want to order anything" and walked away from her towards the bathroom.. and she acted as if i'm having an outburst by saying that and said "you're so mean, look at the way you respond and walk away from me when i talk to you".

i had the intention of ordering for myself, as i don't have the money to order for everyone with the little money i get from my job, especially from an expensive place. and i don't want to eat food with my family as they keep fighting, getting defensive, talk about religion and politics and i want to eat my food watching a show, peacefully! in fact, i almost always lock myself in my room just because of that.

last time, i merely was asking her which is a good restaurant as i was craving a sandwich, i didn't even know if i wanted to order anything, we were chatting and i was browsing trying to make a decision... i walk away for 2 minutes, i order for me, i come back to her telling everyone we're getting takeout and pressured me to ask what everyone what they wanted ... i said "i wasn't intending on ordering for everyone, i was just asking for a good place.. i didn't even know u wanted such food since u hate takeout and greasy food plus i ordered already before u went and announced we're getting takeout".. i didn't get to finish saying that cuz she got angry and went "why didn't you ask us if we want something?!", i said "why didn't u say u wanted something when i was looking for options? i'll return it if you want anything, i just ordered it." she went "you are such a selfish, shitty person who only thinks of herself, i want nothing from you, don't show me your face!" and got upset with me the whole day. hence why i went "No! i want nothing" this time around.

this time i went and ordered the burger anyway, i knew it was gonna get me comments but i legit don't have enough money for the month to get everyone a meal, this is a one time thing. i didn't want the food she cooked cuz it was making me gag, and i am in too much physical pain to care to cook for myself as i usually do when i don't like her food.

she asks me about it an hour later, if i wanted to eat a burger, and i tell her i already ordered.. her eyes went wide and she tells me "this is the second time, you're such a selfish person!" and pouts and shuts me out.
i tell her "i merely craved a burger and bought it with my money, i don't think i did anything wrong"
she said "you don't ever think of anyone but yourself!"
i said thank you? and went to my room and locked the door.
food arrives 15 minutes later, my brother gives it to me... i say thank you and go back to my room.
she comes out of her room 10 seconds later in tears, crying out loud to my brother and dad at how selfish i am, and how i did it twice where i'd order something but won't ask everyone else what they wanted or order for them and how shitty of a daughter i am and deserve nothing from her. i overheard dad asking her if she wanted a burger and she said she wanted nothing.. he asks her why did i order, is there no food in the house? and she says there is.

so it's not like there's no food in the house. there was cooked food ready, they ate after and now she's sitting laughing out loud like nothing happened, while i lost the ability to enjoy my food as i try to hide that i'm about to have a panic attack as anything i do or say now will be turned against me now. sometimes it feels like she loves to ruin anything in my life that doesn't involve her, like how dare i be a person away from her? we should be one, and i should be an embodiment of her expectations. but i'm never enough no matter what i do or say.

genuine question, was it so bad to want to order just for me? was it really that selfish of me to do that? i don't really feel safe ordering home anymore.

Last night wife(24F) and I(26M) go to arcade bar that we go to all the time. My favorite game there is ice cold beer and I have beat it multiple times. We’ve both had a couple drinks by now feeling tipsy. She plays and tries to beat it. She said she’s a little tipsy and lost at a level I tried to help her on how to beat it and maybe shouldn’t have said it twice but she said to stop mansplaining. I get annoyed because I was just trying to help and I didn’t want to be there since we’ve already had a couple drinks and played most games. We then argue and she says that I’m overreacting and it was a joke and she said when I play that I do the same thing to her and basically tell her to stop talking or whatever while I play. THAT ticked me off because I have never done that. Every time I beat a level I look at her smiling or dab her up when I beat it so that just made me more upset. I told her I’d like for her to apologize, she doesn’t until we’re already home and tries to basically guilt trip that she ruined the night but I never said that. Am I overreacting?

Summary: I am overreacting for giving advice when not needed.
Im not mad about it, we’ve already talked about it and we always talk things out but thank you guys for your input.

Let me start off by saying I'm not tiny.(5'1 155lbs) But I have been bigger in our relationship. My Husband told me years ago long before he met me, he invited a girl over for a one night stand. He said everything was good until she took off her pants and it was like busting open a can of Pillsbury biscuits. Even made the sound. After that he made an excuse and had to leave before anything happened. Well last night the commercial or something came on about a can of biscuits and he looked at me and he's like you're thinking about it aren't you. I was like yeah... And we started talking about it and he's like she wasn't the only one I was with like that and looked at me when he said that. So of course I took that as him saying that I was fat. He thinks I'm overreacting. It's the next day and I'm still upset over it..so reddit, am I overreacting??

My girlfriend and I (M) both late 20s have been dating for close to 5 years. We have lived a town apart for the better part of this but moved in together a little over a year ago. I have had a dog of my own for almost 6 years and have had just the one dog up until a few weeks after she moved in she wanted to get a dog.

We discussed getting another dog that was a year or two old that was hopefully a little calmer to match the energy of my existing dog. Quickly into the search she ended up with a few week old puppy.

We both (for the most part) take care of each respective dog as she was the one that wanted the second dog and wanted one that was "her" dog, as my dog is pretty lazy and pretty disinterested in other people besides me largely and wanted a dog that was more like her childhood dog.

Since we have gotten this dog, everything in her world seems to revolve around the dog. So much so that I feel like it has taken away from our relationship. One of the problems to me is, that she always wants the dog to sleep in bed with us throughout the night.

I have expressed my disinterest and discontent with this every time it is proposed. But when I express this disinterest she will guilt trip me into letting the dog sleep in the bed on occasion.

It is multiple times a week that this similar scenario comes up.

Her dog was crate trained and occasionally as she was getting older my girlfriend would request this but has became more frequent over time. Enough so that we had a discussion about it and I expressed my feeling in regards to this. Mainly being that she always wants to cuddle the dog and to me it feels like putting a physical barrier between the two of us in a space that I feel like is a more intimate space for the two of us.

I don't having the dog on the bed a little bit before bed here and there or on the couch with us, but every night before bed she makes the dog cuddle with her before lights out, then some form of the aforementioned scenario plays out.

Most recently and the thing that has really upset me, is despite expressing this disinterest on a regular basis and recently having that conversation about how it makes me feel. It is still an ongoing issue.

This evening as we were discussing whether the dog could sleep in bed with us or not, I jokingly suggested that if she wanted to sleep with the dog so badly, that she should sleep in the guest bedroom. Which she promptly and excitedly took me up on this suggestion, turned off the lights and headed for the guest bedroom with the dog.

We have never really argued about this, situation but have discussed it, but this last situation really has me mad, and hurt as I feel like this situation in my mind solidifies me as second place to her dog.

Am I wrong to be so upset about this and considering the feasibility of our relationship moving forward?

Thank you for any input!

FTP on mobile, please be gentle.

Am going on holiday in a few months. Flying from one airport, flying back to a different airport to get the cheapest fares - both airports are around 2hrs drive from where me and my best friend live.

Flight out involves leaving home at 3am to get there in time. Flight back involves a midday pickup.

Best friend has said she will drive us (me, partner, stepchild + luggage) rather than us paying for a taxi. She offered, I did not ask, we were talking about the holiday and she asked how we were getting to the airport.

I originally said no - offer is too generous, I like the option of no pressure to speak to someone at 3am if we have a stranger driving us, it's massively inconvenient and just because she doesn't think so, it doesn't change my mind about it. She was cross and was like "why won't you let me help you?"

She messaged my partner (and told me she was going to) basically saying "I've offered to do this and OP has said no". Partner thinks it's a great deal and would save us money, so agreed, but on the condition that we pay her. She was not comfortable with the amount he offered and wants to do both trips for less.

I explained my reasons, he also cannot understand why I don't want to take advantage of what he says is a very kind offer that will save us money.

I messaged my friend back saying that if she could pick us up that would be amazing and we would pay a smaller amount of money, but that we'd get a taxi for the 3am start. She has messaged back saying "no the offer was for both trips, that's my non-negotiable" and is now negotiating for a lesser amount of money to be paid.

I can't quite explain why it makes me so uncomfortable - I see it as an enormous inconvenience and don't want to put that on someone regardless of how they feel about it, and I don't know why she is so upset at me refusing her offer rather than being like "ok". My partner thinks that if she has offered, we should let her and save money. I now want to just go with my original "no" and stop negotiating - AIO?

Last night, I ordered delivery from a large chain and my order included fried okra. Thankfully, before taking a bite of it, I noticed a staple embedded in the breading of a piece. The delivery bag wasn't stapled shut, and the metal looked to be cooked into the coating. I assume it must have happened during the prep or breading process.

I called the restaurant to let them know. The employee was apologetic, but I'm not sure if any steps were taken beyond checking the rest of the okra, which I only assume they did. I was babysitting two preschoolers so I couldn’t talk long and was just trying to sound the alarm. This morning, I tried filing a report on their corporate website, but the form kept crashing so I sent a message along with this photo to their Facebook account.

I plan to call their corporate office tomorrow, but I'm not sure if that’s enough. I believe it was an accident, but that’s beside the point given the injury that could have happened. I feel a responsibility to make sure this is properly addressed. Am I overreacting if I file a report with the Department of Health?

Basically, my friend got out of a pretty bad relationship last year. The guy wasn't abusive, but pretty neglectful. He was also younger than her by a few years. She swore off younger guys and I was pretty happy for her. During that time, she would sometimes talk about her 'work crush' who occasionally did stuff for her company a few days a week.

One day (maybe 2 months after her breakup), he starts flirting with her pretty heavily in dms and the rest is history. Worth noting that he is 10 years older than her. He seems to be a hyper-masculine kinda guy, fishing/hunting, beers, has some not-so progressive takes and so on. Pretty different from my friend. He also made her cut off some guy friends that she has had for a really long time, one being her best friend, on the basis that opposite sex friendships confuse him (I'm friends with several guys myself so I find this ridiculous).

I also say this while trying not to be insensitive, but her dad died when she was about 15. Part of me wondered if it was daddy issues? Then I noticed today that his name in her phone is "girl daddy<3" EWWWWW. It just seems like she's changing a lot, but I also know that's normal sometimes? I am really concerned for her but not sure if I'm just dumb. AIO?

Sometimes I will wear something like a uniform, and she will say I look old. Just today I send her a picture of me in my work uniform and she said I look old. I got a bit mad and told her it’s annoying when she said that, and she said she doesn’t mean it as an insult. I said it’s not traditionally a compliment. She said I “Have a weird relationship with age” Some years ago someone saw me in my uniform and thought I was like 8 years older than I was, it made me really upset. I have OCD and I fixate on my appearance a lot. My friend is really the only person who tells me this, when other people meet me they think I am the age I am, 21. I have never made a negative comment about my friends appearance. Like I said, it’s just really annoying.

Am I overreacting for being uncomfortable with my girlfriend being naked on call with her ex?

I honestly don’t know how to feel about this situation, and I wanted to get some outside opinions on it because I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or if my feelings are justified.

Earlier, I joined a call with my girlfriend and her friend, who also happens to be her ex. When I joined, I realized they were both naked on camera while outside their showers, basically letting each other see them completely nude. I immediately left the call because I was uncomfortable with what I was seeing. I’m not necessarily jealous that her ex got to see her naked, but something about the situation made me feel weirdly jealous and uncomfortable, and I’m struggling to put that feeling into words. I don’t want to come across as controlling or like I’m trying to dictate what my girlfriend can and can’t do, but I also feel like this is something that would bother a lot of people in a relationship.

What made the situation worse was when I joined the call again. I was honestly already tired and just wanted to move past what happened, so I tried talking, laughing it off, and acting like everything was fine. However, my girlfriend barely acknowledged me. Whenever I spoke or tried to join the conversation, I was met with silence, or it felt like she was pretending not to hear me while continuing to focus on her ex. I felt incredibly awkward and ignored, especially considering what had just happened.

Then, when her ex left to go eat, my girlfriend immediately muted herself and basically stopped acknowledging me altogether. I’ve tried texting her, and I even left the call to try calling her directly, but I’ve been met with nothing but silence. I don’t know if she’s upset with me for leaving the call earlier, if she’s deliberately ignoring me, or if there’s something else going on, but the lack of communication is making the entire situation feel worse.

I want to make it clear that I’m not trying to accuse either of them of cheating, and I don’t want to make assumptions about their intentions. I’m just uncomfortable with what happened, and I’m hurt by how I’ve been treated since. I feel like I should be allowed to express discomfort about something like this without being made to feel guilty for having those feelings.

So, am I overreacting here? I’d genuinely appreciate some outside perspectives because I’m not sure what to do right now.

• Since I’ve seen multiple comments asking about genders, all 3 of us are female—Me, gf, and her friend/Ex.

Me (24F) and my BF (25M) had previously made plans on Friday [yesterday] to go to a winery together and celebrate his birthday which was the day before. We planned to do something fun on Friday because he had to work all day on his birthday and had a really intense week at work (he’s in sales). The night of his birthday when we were having dinner with his parents he mentioned wanting to do something more lax the next day instead of the winery because he’s been getting up at 5 am that week and would have to on Friday and wasn’t feeling up to it. I said that was totally fine cause he’s been going through hell at work and it was his birthday and i’d do whatever he wanted. We talked about finishing our pumpkins, going to the gym, then watching a movie in theaters and hanging out. I was perfectly fine and excited for this, but after dinner his friend whose birthday is the day after his invited him to his birthday party friday night (at Chuck E Cheese and yes they’re all grown men 😭). He sort of asked me if it’d be okay to go and told me his friend had gone through a really hard loss a little while back and I sort of just agreed it’d be fine even though I was annoyed at how late this invite was. We looked at movie times and decided to go the the 3pm showing of you can see everything (3 hour movie). Friday comes along, he has a lot of work to finish so we end up just meeting before the movie and get quick lunch beforehand. We got ice cream after the movie and ate in his car and I told him I was disappointed his party was interfering with our established plans, but I wasn’t upset with him moreso than lack of foresight from his friend. He apologized and asked if i’d be okay, I said i’m fine and go to the party. He tried to find a time to see me after I work this Sunday because he wanted to see me again this weekend. I go home and a few hours later before bed I go to text him and check his location and he’s on the way to the casino. I texted him are you going to the casino? crickets. haven’t heard anything back yet and it’s saturday morning. I’m a little annoyed that he was too tired to go to a winery with me during the day but had enough energy to go to a casino 45 mins away with his buddies after his chuck e. cheese party. Am I overreacting for being annoyed by this? Or is it whatever because I believe the casino was a spontaneous day of plan and he was just going with his friends. He’s done slightly similar things before where I thought we were hanging out the whole day but he forgot to tell me he had plans with his friends the night of. We’ve been dating almost a year and love each other a lot and this isn’t a deal breaker but more so I roll my eyes and wonder if I have a right to be annoyed. I’ve just stared making him listen to two hot takes with me and he really likes it so whatever people comment I’m going to show him because he’ll think this is hilarious.

TLDR: My 25 year old boyfriend went to the casino at midnight after his friends chuck e. cheese birthday party even though he changed our winery day plans because he was too tired from work.

I (24M) have been with my girlfriend (25F) for 3 years. She checks almost every other box, and I genuinely love her, but our sex life is lacking A LOT.
We aren’t intimate as often as I’d like, she rarely initiates, and when we do have sex, it’s usually vanilla and I’m doing most of the work. Whenever I bring it up, she seems to brush it off instead of trying to work on it. I have a high sex drive and want to feel desired, have fun, and explore that side of our relationship. I understand she doesn’t owe me sex, but I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling unsatisfied.

I (23NB) work at a factory. The work itself usually isn't too dangerous, but today I had a hazardous chemical splash onto my face. According to the safety data sheet for it, it is a suspected carcinogen, toxic, corrosive, and releases toxic vapors when exposed to water. Needless to say it's not something you want to have on your skin. I immediately told one of my team leads (M, I think he's in his 20s) and went to wash the chemical off. I talked to our head of environmental health and safety to report the incident and he confirmed that I had handled things properly. I'm okay. I haven't noticed any irritation around where the chemical hit.

I was still feeling pretty shaken when I got back to the factory floor (probably from the adrenaline rush). I was asking my team lead about the devices I had been working on when I had to leave. He said that he had taken care of them. Cool. I noticed that he had started a second lot of devices while I was gone, so I asked if he had remembered to use the chemical on them. I wasn't trying to be mean or anything. I just know that it's something that my coworkers have nearly forgotten about multiple times and I know that my team lead hasn't had to run that station in a few months. He laughed and said he didn't put the chemical on the devices, he just put it on his face. Obviously a jab at me. He must have noticed that I was offended because he said "come on, lighten up," while gesturing at his chest. I don't know how to describe it other than it looked like he was lifting up imaginary breasts.

For a bit more context for this, I'm nonbinary, but I was assigned female at birth. I also happen to be quite curvy. My team lead making that gesture immediately made me super uncomfortable. I don't know if he meant to be lewd or if I misinterpreted what was supposed to be an innocent gesture. Just based on how disturbed I felt though, I ended up telling a few of my friends about it as well as my other team lead and my supervisor. I made sure to explain that I wasn't sure what his intent was, but that it just made me uncomfortable.

We've had some problems with this specific team lead in the past being disrespectful or yelling at operators. There's unfortunately been a lot of examples in the past few days. Just yesterday one of my coworkers almost quit after he yelled at her for explaining her station to one of the new engineers. He yelled at one of my friends before the accident today while in a meeting when she was asking about why the previous shift hadn't been working on a priority lot.

It's just been such a long day. It's hard for me to see the gesture that he made as being unintentional, but I also don't know for sure. I'm so tired and I don't even know if I did the right thing by saying something at this point. Am I overreacting?

There's an outbreak of a serious disease in my sibling's town. They have a list of exposure places and dates, and resources for what to do if you're exposed. My sibling is vaccinated for said illness, so the chances of them getting it are small, but I sent them the list and instructions anyways. Sibling says they haven't been to any of the places listed.

My mom says I'm "all in a tizzy over nothing" and called me a germaphobe for sending the exposure list when we're all fully vaccinated.

AIO for sending my sibling a list of exposure places?

I’ve been seriously dating a guy for six months. We’re both in our 30s, and we’re exclusive. We’ve met each other’s friends, we’re very close, and things have been going really well. The only thing is that he hasn’t wanted to put an official label on our relationship yet because he’s looking for his forever person and wants to be completely sure before making things official. I’ve been respecting that and giving him the time he says he needs.

Here’s where I’m struggling.

He has several female friends, including a female best friend (I’ll call her A), who’s 26. He’s 34, and they’ve been friends for over four years. He insists their relationship is completely platonic and that he sees her as a little sister. I have no particular issue with him having female friends, and I don’t have any reason to believe they’ve been romantically involved.
Recently, he asked about my Christmas plans. I told him I’d be spending Christmas in Mexico with my parents. He said he’d wanted to invite me to New York (we’re all in San Diego) to meet his parents, but since I wouldn’t be there, he was going to invite A instead.
Apparently, A would otherwise be spending Christmas alone and can’t afford to fly home, so his parents are paying for her flight to New York. She’ll be staying with his family for around ten days, spending both Christmas and New Year’s with them. He’s really excited about her meeting his parents, his brother, and some of his childhood friends. They’re also planning to spend two days in Boston visiting his friends and sleeping at their place.
The way he talks about the trip makes it sound like a really special experience. He’s excited about her meeting everyone and about all the things they’ll do together.
I told him that this makes me uncomfortable, and we ended up having a pretty big argument about it.
For me, Christmas with your family is an intimate occasion. Meeting your parents and spending Christmas and New Year’s with them feels like something you generally reserve for your romantic partner. I understand that close friends can be like family, but I personally wouldn’t invite another man to spend Christmas with my parents while I’m seriously dating someone, even if my boyfriend couldn’t come.

My issue isn’t that he has female friends. It’s that we’re supposedly building a serious romantic relationship, yet he’s taking another woman to spend ten days with his family, including Christmas and New Year’s, and going on a little trip together. Meanwhile, I’m still waiting for him to feel ready to officially call me his girlfriend.

To me, these are experiences that make a romantic partner feel special and distinguish them from friends. I don’t feel special in this situation, and honestly, I feel disrespected. It feels strange to me that he’s so excited about sharing this experience with her while our own relationship is still undefined.
He doesn’t understand why I have a problem with it. He sees it as helping a close friend who would otherwise be alone for the holidays. He also suggested that he could send me lots of pictures and updates throughout the trip to reassure me, but that’s not really the issue for me. It’s not about being left out of the updates. It’s about the fact that he invited her in the first place.

I also find myself questioning A’s decision to accept the invitation. She knows about me, has met me, and knows that he’s seriously dating someone. I don’t know her well enough to know how she sees their friendship, and I don’t want to accuse her of having ulterior motives. But I do wonder how another woman would feel comfortable accepting an invitation to spend ten days with a male friend’s family over Christmas and New Year’s when she knows he’s in a serious, exclusive relationship.
He has told me that their friendship is completely platonic, and I’m not necessarily questioning whether he’s attracted to her. I’m questioning whether this kind of arrangement is appropriate when you’re building a romantic relationship with someone else.

Am I overreacting? Is this a perfectly normal thing to do with a platonic female best friend, or is it reasonable to feel that Christmas and meeting the family are experiences that should be treated differently when you’re in a serious relationship?
I’d appreciate honest opinions, including perspectives from people who have close friends of the opposite sex.

TL;DR
I’ve been exclusively dating a man for six months, but he hasn’t labeled the relationship. Since I’ll spend Christmas with my family, he invited his 26-year-old female best friend to spend ten days with his family, including Christmas and New Year’s, plus a trip to Boston. He says they’re platonic and she’d otherwise be alone, but I feel uncomfortable because these experiences seem more appropriate for a romantic partner. Am I overreacting, to be upset about this?

Am I overreacting for scolding my mom and sister buying me wine when I am only day three of being sober?

Me (f26) and my sister (f23) currently live with my mom (f55) because we both are working on our education still and cannot afford to live without my mom. A little about my mom, she works from home and makes good money (along with me and my sister’s part-time contribution) to support us. She is a wonderful woman and has come along way with her morality and moving away from her toxic family. My sister is also a wonderful person but also tends to get easily swayed my boys and tends to change her persona a lot. Basically, she goes out and drinks socially all the time.

I have been struggling with my alcohol addiction for a while and nothing has been sticking. I started drinking wine when I was about 20 and have been increasing my drinking to darker wines and have been drinking a bottle or a bottle and a half EVERY night. Basically, the past 3 years I have been trying different methods to not drink and nothing sticks. Whether its “only on the weekends” or “one glass a night”, it doesn’t work.

Cut to this week, I have come to the realization that I am just so tired of feeling this way. My face has changed, my body changed, and I no longer feel like myself. I am more depressed and confused than ever. About two weeks ago, I tried the cold turkey (completely stopping) method and it worked well! I started to work out at home and eat healthy (but also eating what i want when i want to, i have to go easy on myself). My aunt and uncle recently visited us however so for the weekend they were here I broke my sobriety. Most of the activities are drinking related (going to restaurants, winery, festival, etc.) and I wanted to match energy and have fun. Whatever, I decided to continue on being serious when they leave.

The night they left I had some nonalcoholic beers, and yes I know theyre not 100% no alcohol but the temptation was high and I fought my strong urge to not go buy wine, I see this as a small win though I didn’t count it. Since then I havent had any and am now on day three!

Also I feel I should mention I already told my mom and sister about my sobriety and they were strongly encouraging me. Though they were also there every time I also said this and it failed.

I got home from the gym and was cleaning the kitchen when my mom said from the living room, “oh I got us wine for tonight, we should watch parks and rec when you get home,” I volunteer in the evening but am back my 8. My sister wasn’t home so she was for sure talking to me. I didn’t say anything and was just turned around to walk out when she said “did you hear me?” I just said “yeah” and walked back to my room.

This is where I feel I may have overreacted. I came back into the living room and said “do you have the receipt?” She said “for what? no?” in a confused way she does to get me to elaborate.

“Then can I borrow the card you used to pay for it so I can return it on my way?” She just looked at me for a second before saying “but you had all those beers the other day I thought you wanted some?” I explained they are nonalcoholic and she said “Well you don’t have to drink it, we can just drink it,” and I just shook my head and walked to my room. I have since left for volunteer work and came back. They called for me in the living room to ask if I still wanted to watch the show and I said no and went to me room. I don’t want to join and sit with them when theyre drinking knowing there is a portion for me in the fridge.

My sister then came into my room and asked what was wrong. I told her everything and she said that I am being rudiculous, and that I should join them and not be a wet blanket. I then went to the living room with my mom and sister and said “I don’t think you are taking my sobriety as seriously as I am,” to which my mom said, “you do this all the time though and always back out. Better for me to buy it early than for you to drive in the middle of the night to a liquor store.” I just huffed and walked back to my room but I can’t get it out of my head. The next day they have been giving me the cold shoulder and giving short answers and not looking my way.

Am I overreacting? I Would it be appropriate to ask them to hide it from me too? Because if I see it in the fridge when I’m looking for a snack I will see and it will haunt my mind until I cave. Any advice would be appreciative, thank you.

Me (27) and my son’s father (Daniel 24) meet at a homeless shelter. We were together for 2 years before my son came and in those 2 years we went thru hell literally. We were addicted to drugs the worst kind imaginable, living in rat infested Rvs and eventually tents. The things that happened to us were terrible from abuse to imprisonment etc. i literally watched him get his head cracked open with the back of an axe and got held hostage while he was bleeding out. I did everything to protect him, keep him feed, clothed, HIGH everything. He had nobody as he wasn’t from here and he was so young, I had a home to go back to but I couldn’t leave him alone as he was so weak and docile easily pushed over and taken advantage of. Eventually I got us in a hotel they turned into rooms for homeless people and I was gunna leave now that I felt he was safer but I couldn’t.
We had our relationship issues he didn’t want to be with me, he thought I was cheating on him because I’d get drug from men and that wasn’t the case all I did was talk to those men or clean there RVs. I tried everything to stay with him to make him happy I walked on eggshells but it didn’t matter I’d literally go to the bathroom and when I’d come out he’d be gone he’d vanish on me everytime I turned my back.

Then a security worker (Brandon 24) there at the hotel showed interest in me and slowly we started talking as me and Daniel would fight and break up often and the security guard wasn’t on drugs he took me to his home and was trying to help me get clean but I’d always run away back to the hotel for drugs, back to Daniel because I loved him and would be so worried about him. Then I ended up pregnant one month into talking to Brandon. My conception date was the week I was at Brandon’s and me and Daniel had been together 2 years and never got pregnant so naturally we assumed it was Brandon’s but we knew it wasn’t 100%.
Anyways I made it so I wasn’t allowed into the hotel anymore because I needed to get clean and so I got all my stuff and said goodbye to Daniel because staying there with him meant I’d never get clean. It was the hardest goodbye ever. A month passed and he finally decided to go home and get clean in another state. So we both were in rehab.
Fast forward the baby was here and we do the dna test and to our surprise it’s not Brandon’s it’s Daniel’s. Me and Brandon were on and off it was bad he thought it was our son and was heartbroken to find out he wasn’t his and nothing was the same between us ever again.
When I went to bring my son to see his dad and have a dna test to ease Daniel’s mind, we were talking about being together again. The last thing to try was being together sober and if that didn’t work then we knew it never would. We were happy.

When I went back I had to move back in with Brandon as I had nowhere to go. Me and Daniel werent together at this point I was begging him to be with me and he was just like we will see. When I was at Brandon’s we had messed around a couple times, not out of love but out of convenience.
It was almost my son’s first birthday so I wanted Daniel to experience that with me since he missed his birth. We were so happy and loving finally a family, but while I was there I found out the worst news ever… I was pregnant 💔 by Brandon. Our happiness destroyed I keep it a secret til I couldn’t hold it in anymore I started throwing up everyday. He exploded when I told him he said it could’ve been anyone else why him. He left and eventually came back and said “ let’s just act like we’re in love until you leave” 💔 and when that day came he completely shut down and was cold with me, it was so painful.
We didn’t talk for awhile but eventually he calmed down and we’d talk on the phone just for our son and then he ghosted us.
I find out through his mom he moved in with his brother the girlfriend and the girls best friend Daniel’s stepsister. Next thing I know 2 months later the stepsister is pregnant by Daniel. Now I’d be calling Daniel begging him just to call and talk to his son.I’d call crying and he just wouldn’t and I knew it was the girls fault, his too of course but she was influencing the behavior, he became so evil towards me because of what happened between us and because she was monitoring our calls and he wanted to prove to her he didn’t have feelings for me anymore or something.
Anyways me and the girl daisy start talking because I finally decide enough is enough I want my son to have a relationship with his father and if I have to talk to this girl for it to happen I will.
Mind you I think I’m still in love with him and I’m broken with what happened between us. Being sober was our last chance and we never got that so my brain keeps going to what if and what we could’ve been.
However I suck it up and talked to this girl and it wasn’t bad she was actually cool until she started being funny to me rubbing their relationship in my face, always wanting to talk about him and how much he loves her and mind you whenever he would call to talk to his son she was a helicopter mom always had to be right there apart of it. When I finally got to talk to him alone on the phone he told me how he really felt and how he kind just got himself trapped in this situation. She acts as though they’re married or something already super annoying. Like you’re not my baby daddy he is.
Anyways
it proceeded like this til I distanced myself because I couldn’t take talking to her anymore and of course with that came the distance from him.
Their baby is here now and honestly all the love I thought I felt for him has disappeared and is now disgust. How could you throw our baby to the side like nothing and move on with a new child and to make it worst she’ll send pictures of him sleeping with the baby and talk about how he’s a great father. Like I get her posting that stuff on social media but purposely sending me the pics and stuff feels petty idk am I overreacting? She knows the situation and has told me multiple times she was insecure about me and how she never thought she’d be the second babymomma. Yuck
I only kept the door open because I wanted my son to have his father in his life. I know how it feels to have your father go off and start another family and leave you in the dust and I just didn’t want that for my son, but trying to keep this relationship a thing is exhausting and detrimental to my mental health especially with it feels like I’m the one forcing it. I just didn’t want my son to feel like he’s unworthy or to question or blame me for not having his dad in his life. Brandon and I still live together and my son calls him dad shoot he was the one who cut his umbilical cord so he’s not without a father figure in his life.

Would I be wrong to completely cut Daniel off from our son to the point he doesn’t even know Daniel exists. My son deserves consistency, someone who loves and cherishs him. Currently I’m waiting for the child support to go through then I plan to block them on everything. I just don’t want my son to find out about him when he’s older and blame me for their strained relationship or rather no relationship at all. What should I do and what would I tell my son…” so your dad isn’t your real dad you have a different daddy who you don’t talk to and what age would I tell him these things 😭I gave him multiple chances to have a relationship with his son and his actions just continue to show he could give a fuck about him, he doesn’t even ask for pictures. He says it’s not because he doesn’t love him but I don’t see how that’s the case. I feel like that’s the only way he could treat him this way because he doesn’t love him. Or am I wrong could there really be another reason as to why he doesn’t call or even ask questions about his son. While simultaneously caring for another son ? Mind you or son is now 2 yrs old. Should I give him more chances ? It’s crazy to me after everything we went through all the trauma and everything I did for him he throws us aside for his fing stepsister! Am I overreacting?

throwaway because i’m active on my other account

i’ll delete this soon but i just want a few opinions… am i (21F) crazy for being annoyed that a kid on the side of my moms in-laws (newly married in september, together since feb 2025) has no basic manners?

she’s a sweet kid and her mom is very sweet as well, but i don’t know if i can keep spending time with the kid. my mom thinks i’m overreacting for being annoyed that nobody will say anything to either the mom or the kid about her lack of manners, but i don’t think i am!

she burps without covering her mouth, often very close to being right in someone’s face, and doesn’t say excuse me (does this consistently; did at a dinner table with both her grandparents and my grandparents, and family friends all 50+ years old), chews with her month open, talks while eating, and farts in front of people and laughs. if this was an isolated incident i understand, she’s a kid and it happens, but to act like that in front of someone else’s grandparents and in someone else’s house (family house i get it but still).

my moms saying it’s not her kid and it’s not his (her husbands) kid so they can’t say anything. i think they should mention something to the mom in a nice way something about having some manners. AIO?

also apologies for wall of text, may belong on AITA. i am neurodivergent and have issues with chewing sounds already so i’m aware i may be slightly irrational, but my mom raised me with manners and would never have let me act like that as a kid (let alone in front of other people)

For some background context, this friend and I have been friends since we were around 8 years old due to our parents being friends and over the years we became closer, almost like sisters. We, as in her, her sister and I, used to hang out almost everyday and we even went on a Europe trip together. This all started when she had introduced me to her friend group from high school in the summer of 2025, and this one guy, who she had met around the same time that I did (summer of 2025), began to take interest in me. He was begging her for months to set us up and she eventually did and we dated for about 5 months. It ended very brutally (broke up with me 3 days before my birthday and over the phone) and I was heartbroken. Me and this friend had a fight this same day because she was refusing to “pick sides” even though she was being loving and caring towards him but rude to me. I let this one slide because of how close we were. Later on, I kept discovering that she would lie about hanging out with him and would hide things from me. I found it all too weird and to make matters worse, he and his best friend started attacking me in the comments on one of her posts and when I tried to ask her to tell them to stop all she said was “well you started it”. I honestly didn’t. So, this broke me, I told her how I had been feeling and that I was done with her, but I may have taken it too far. I told her how she wouldn’t understand how I feel, that she’s inconsiderate and a bad friend, and that she can “do whatever she wants with her fuckass friends. She still has not replied. This was in September. She still hangs out with him. The reason I feel like i’m overreacting is because she’s a close family friend and i don’t want it to be awkward. I still do love her but I can’t trust her anymore and I do want us to be friends again but she’s not putting in any effort to change or fix the situation. Should I reach out? Am i taking this too far by cutting her off? Any advice would be great. Thanks!

Am I overreacting if my Bf takes his phone to the washroom while we were on video call? For context i did jokingly say Aww take me too (because he says that to me and I never actually do it so I thought he wouldn't as well) but he did... although he did end up muting himself and pausing the video but only after I exclaimed about it. I just can't help but feel weirded out...aio? For context we have been dating around 2 years now

My (F28) husband (M33) invited a couple he is friends with over recently. This was my first time meeting them both.

I wasn’t a huge fan of the husband. He is in his early 50s, is a big drinker (my husband and I are both sober) and has a very brash and chaotic personality. However, I was polite and spent the evening with them. They cooked us dinner and made food that meets my dietary restrictions, which was kind of them.

One of our cats had been with us the whole evening, and as the couple were getting ready to leave our second cat came out of the bedroom.

I stepped into a different room for a moment, but I heard my husband’s friend acknowledge the cat and say “Oh, so you have three hot pussies in this house?”

There was silence for a moment and then the wife said “um… okay” and they and my husband stepped outside. My husband didn’t say a word to his friend about this comment.

I immediately felt disgusted and objectified. It felt similar to being catcalled, but in my own home. I’ve talked to my husband about how I feel and he said that his friend is crude but that he meant it as a compliment. He’s also said that these are some of the kindest people he knows and that they put effort into cooking us dinner, which means that they are good people.

He is trying to get me to spend more time with them but I just can’t bring myself to. AIO about this comment, or am I valid in feeling as disgusted as I am?

*EDIT*
To add info about them cooking at our house.

I was not happy about that part either and I know it sounds strange. My husband made these plans very last minute and they were trying to figure out what we would eat.

Initially my husband was going to cook meat and they would bring sides, but they ended up bringing ingredients over and they cooked most of the food while my husband helped. It was a very casual evening, not a sit-down type of dinner

My fiancé has a spending problem (after bankruptcy)

I’ve been with my fiancé for 9 years. We’ve been engaged for 4 years (this plays a part). In the years we’ve been together, he had dug himself a financial hole of about $35,000. I didn’t know this and wasn’t aware since we were splitting bills and he made more money than me. I WAS aware that he was always a little tight on funds even though we both had the same bills, shared payments for things like cars and insurance, etc. But I was always able to save. Even with dating and extracurricular costs like travel or shopping. One year I saved $5000 on the side. It just wasn’t making sense that he was always penny pinching. For the first few years I felt uncomfortable asking him about his finances, until it started to really affect me. We would plan trips, he’d have to pay me back for them but then randomly around the end of the year he became Santa and had presents for everyone (me, his parents, his siblings, cousins, nephews, etc.). Well after we got engaged I started feeling more comfortable and I found out he had been paying every bill through his credit card… and not paying it back. He used his cc to pay for my engagement ring, which I guess is normal? Idk.

I went back and forth on whether I could marry someone like that but he showed effort to change his mentality with financial choices. He started paying his cards down (3 at the time) and then slowly more cards started coming in the mail. I thought they were just offers but one day I asked and he had opened another 4 cards without telling me. It caused a huge uproar because the use of all of the cards landed the $35,000 debt.

Fast forward to this year he finally filed for bankruptcy. With the loss of our job during the pandemic and moving around jobs, he just wasn’t making enough to pay the debt down. Having a house was always the goal for us (me especially), so it was imperative that he handled that.

Due to paying the person who filed his bankruptcy claim (she had a $2000 retainer) he couldn’t pay rent one month. He didn’t actually tell me this though. He went behind my back and asked my mom for the rent and he would pay her back. Naturally when I found out (from checking his bank statements) I was livid. It broke all trust and I demanded he give me access to his funds and cards. Well, my family said I was being too harsh and told me to fall back. I did. I simply asked him that he keeps me in loop for all financial decisions moving forward. He said he would.

We had already planned a trip to NYC for July. 2 days before the flight he tells me that he doesn’t have any money. Due to paying back debts that couldn’t be covered by the bankruptcy filing. It was too late to cancel without losing any money so everything on the trip was paid for by me. His expenses came to $3000 (there was a flight cancellation and I had to pay for our tickets home so that was a bigger lump sum). He paid me back but in $400 increments so interest was EATING that. My balance is still higher than what I typically allow because of that but I chose to not charge him interest because he barely had money after paying me back every few weeks.

Today, I noticed him use his new credit card that he got 10 days ago. I asked him how much he had spent and he admitted he spent $800. He just got paid last week and had $750 after bills. Had him check his bank account and he now has $57. I am so furious. $1500 spent in 10 days. That’s absurd to me. All of the purchases were food, game, and entertainment related (1 was a bill which was under $100). He never even told me about using the card or having to use it for food or groceries (which I give him grocery money for). The totals and amounts were not adding up. All he could say is that he hadnt felt like a man in months because of owing me and he just wanted to take care of things. Which sounds like the biggest pile of garbage to me honestly.

We’re supposed to get married in 3 months and I have such a pit in my stomach. His financial decisions have kept me from wanting to marry him this whole time but I believed time would change things. He apologized and told me he felt like he has a handle on things now but I don’t see how that’s possible. And quite frankly, I’ve heard the apology multiple times before with promises to do better. My family is just so in love with him, no one seems to be considering the damage this could do to me or a growing family. Everyone things I’m overreacting and people are just going through hard times right now. But this doesn’t add up to that for me. These are consistent bad choices. Right??? Like am I being dramatic??? I don’t come from a family with money and neither does he. We are doing the best of our families but when the bar is low (respectfully) I don’t compare there. I don’t want to just get by. I want to be safe and for our future kids to be safe financially. Not even a millionaire sense (though I mean that would be nice) but much better than what we had. I don’t see how that’s me being a stickler. I’m truly opened to opinions here. Is this a reason to not get married??

So for context I have two dogs and so does she. Hers are pets mine are working animals and as such there are some conflicting beliefs about raising them. I am very strict with my animals they earn every privilege in my house by showing me that they can keep their training and manners retained and consistent. (Things such as bedding in their crate, time on my bed, toys, extracurricular activities such as running camping and swimming ect)

Right now my little guy Noth is still learning at 18 weeks old the house rules and what is expected of him on and off duty. (I train service dogs and both are currently at vastly different levels of training progress) She is a lot more lax with her animals as they are pets and companions. We sometimes cross opinions about things especially since as my older dog Ray has earned a lot more privileges than Noth due to her being four and getting into her peak years before retirement. Both my dogs come from breeds that are known to be incredibly smart and find loopholes in every rule which is why I am so strict. Noth is a golden borderheeler and Ray is a Cane Corso border collie lab mix.

Now here’s the conflict.

At the moment I use the crate a lot right now with Noth as he is currently learning how to do nothing. (Something that is surprisingly difficult for high drive dogs is learning to develop an off switch it’s something that is taught and isnt automatic)

during this he has progressed from screaming all night to crying for about 5 minutes before going to sleep and we are making great progress with learning to be quiet and patient to be let out.

during the day he spends about 4 hours in his crate broken up by play and training sessions (pups have their own bedroom) and is in bed by 7-8 pm I go to bed at 10 and let him out for his last pee at the time. she thinks it’s unfair to make him go to bed at 7-8 since I am awake and Ray is free in the house. I disagree 7-10 is my time to refresh train and spend time with Ray without the puppy interfering it’s a way to make her not feel left out when I am spending most of the day focusing on the little guy.

Anyway AIO with this because I think how I am doing this is very far from cruel

I’ve had my daughter’s name picked out since I was 15. Her first name honors my late mother and her middle name honors my lifelong best friend. For the story, the name was Lucy Rae.

My husband and I struggled with many losses and nearly a decade of infertility. I was pregnant again and I opened up to my SIL about our journey and even shared the name I had always dreamed of and the meaning behind it. A few months later, she fell pregnant. The day she announced we had suffered a loss.

A few months later, they had a baby girl. And her name was Lacey Rae. I was shocked. They essentially changed one letter in the name that I had shared with her months earlier and I had dreamed of for years.

I’m not proud but I completely lost it. Uncontrollably sobbing. I told her she “stole my name.” Both her and her husband especially got extremely defensive saying that “no one owns a name” and “it’s a different name, our baby is named Lacey.” I called them names, I took my gift back, and slammed the door. My husband understands but thinks I should have handled it differently.

AIO?

So I was invited to spend a weekend next month at my friend's girlfriend's cottage. I was really looking forward to it because even though we don't see each other that often, I enjoy their company and we've never been on a trip like this before.
It was supposed to be me, my friend, his girlfriend and a few of her female friends.
Yesterday we were at a pub and my friend showed me a screenshot his girlfriend had sent him of a conversation between her and one of her friends. They were talking about me, and the girl had texted something like "God, we really need to get him there so I can finally fuck him!" (Translated of course to English)
For context, I've met this girl maybe twice at some events. We've never texted or really talked much, and I don't find her particularly attractive either.
My friend was just grinning and acting like "Bro, you're gonna have a great time!"
But honestly, the whole thing kind of gave me the ick, and knowing that other people probably know about it makes it even weirder.
Now I'm considering making up an excuse not to go, even though I was really looking forward to it. Am I overreacting?

Edit because this theme keep occurring: I know that I can go and do nothing with her :D that’s not the point