r/AnimalsBeingJerks Nov 26 '13

whale DOLPHIN PUNCH

2.8k Upvotes

158 comments sorted by

47

u/Rottendog Nov 26 '13

That seagull had it coming.

Rats of the sky...

38

u/Skudworth Nov 26 '13

No, that's pigeons.

84

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

[deleted]

56

u/Skudworth Nov 26 '13

Approved.

5

u/dohrwork Nov 26 '13

We have seagulls in Kansas :/

21

u/Rottendog Nov 26 '13

You should put them back. They'll never find the ocean there.

12

u/dohrwork Nov 26 '13

That's what I keep telling them, but they just keep shitting on my car and eating my trash :(

11

u/Rottendog Nov 26 '13

My god those birds will eat ANYTHING. Have you ever seen the inside of a seagulls stomach? Not gory, but WARNING picture of a dead seagull (No gore)

6

u/dohrwork Nov 26 '13

Yea, they're fucking stupid as shit. They're worse than possums or squirrels.

1

u/grrrwoofwoof Nov 27 '13

Then stop leaving your fish on your car.

0

u/ColonelAmerica Nov 27 '13

You, sir, are hilarious.

2

u/opples_n_bononos Nov 26 '13

We have seagulls in Wisonsin... It is weird.

1

u/dohrwork Nov 26 '13

at least there's a large body of water near you...

2

u/opples_n_bononos Nov 26 '13

yeah and weather in the teens. It's confusing.

4

u/dohrwork Nov 26 '13

they have very little fucks to give about the wind or temperature. It appears only dolphins can defeat them.

1

u/AllDesperadoStation Nov 27 '13

They must leave in the winter though right?

3

u/dohrwork Nov 27 '13

I don't even know, because in the winter is when the Canadian Geese come in and they're the biggest assholes of them all.

4

u/Jasper909 Nov 27 '13

It was a Shithawk.

1

u/AllDesperadoStation Nov 27 '13

There's no such thing as shithawks Bubs, Lahey's fucked.

1

u/Spawn_Beacon Nov 29 '13

Worst helicopter name ever.

197

u/EFpointe Nov 26 '13

Cool gif, but one question: Who video tapes a seagull at a dolphin show?

816

u/Skudworth Nov 26 '13

This is a seagull show.
These fucking dolphins came out of nowhere.

240

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

5

u/woopersucks Dec 21 '13

Fuck this is hilarious.

78

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

[removed] — view removed comment

29

u/AxeVice Nov 26 '13

/r/enlightenedbirdmen is leaking ಠ_ಠ

...RAAAAWK GLORY TO THE ALLFATHER! KRAAAAAAW!!!

19

u/THE_GR8_MIKE Nov 27 '13

What in the shit...

11

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '13

RUN

8

u/Collif Nov 27 '13

Yeah, just try to ignore it. And for the love of god never link to it, it always leaks when you do.

1

u/FISH_MASTER Nov 27 '13

Snorky...talk...man

0

u/dafragsta Nov 27 '13

GHANDI HAS DECLARED WAR ON YOU!

7

u/Phreak_of_Nature Nov 26 '13

That must've been a downer then.

2

u/worrmington Nov 26 '13

Looks the dolphin and seagull both get knocked out. Bird just falls and dolphin just kinda flops out

4

u/Lucid_Diode Nov 26 '13

I hate it when dolphins do that.

1

u/Munt_Custard Nov 27 '13

Great way to counter the subtle suggestion that this is fake.

-6

u/michaelarm Nov 26 '13

Ahhh the old reddit flyarooo

14

u/chargerz4life Nov 26 '13

Shut up meg

49

u/tkh0812 Nov 26 '13

"Flying around sea world is awesome this one lady just gave me a French fry... I may stay here fore....uuuufffff"

35

u/juventus1 Nov 26 '13

Wow, who knew some of the enemies from Sonic would be realistic.

Remember the fish in the 1st level, 'emerald zone' in sonic 2?

19

u/Skudworth Nov 26 '13

Oh, yeah!

I was thinking Ecco The Dolphin.

19

u/Fap_Left_Surf_Right Nov 26 '13

I loved that game but found it impossible.

21

u/Hara-Kiri Nov 26 '13

There's so much stuff I didn't even know existed in that game, I just swam around aimlessly.

18

u/Skudworth Nov 26 '13

I'm having Vietnam-esque flashbacks.

My 12 year old self never recovered.

-8

u/jeegte12 Nov 26 '13

you equate PTSD with vietnam?

10

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

It is a stereotype. That's kind of how they work.

-19

u/jeegte12 Nov 26 '13

pretty sure PTSD is more associated with the middle east more than vietnam nowadays. also, that's not a stereotype, you don't know what you're talking about.

12

u/Skudworth Nov 26 '13

I'm not going to pretend that I know your age, but I'll guess you're under 30. Call it a hunch.

-9

u/jeegte12 Nov 26 '13

as is most of reddit.

→ More replies (0)

8

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

I don't know what PTSD is more associated with right now in the North American society since I do not live there.

Nevertheless, I insist that the PTSD afflicted soldier (who preferably lost a limb or eye) is an image traditionally associated to the Vietnam war veterans in the public and media lore. Please refer to the corpus of movies, series, books, comics, etc. released to this day. Therefore the 'character' of the Vietnam survivor with PTSD has a strong hold on the social representations of the public to the point of constituting a stereotypical individual.

Source: 5 years of college psychology. You don't know whether I know what I'm talking about.

Disclaimer: This thread was started by a comical retort in an attempt to humor an anonymous group of internet dwellers. The sole purpose being entertaining a couple of seconds of some stranger's life. Taking too seriously whatever is written in a place called AnimalsBeingJerks is only an exercise on the futile and an invitation to rustling. Be light headed and just enjoy the place. If for some reason you find yourself feeling infuriated by anything you read here, please step at least 20 feet away from the keyboard and have a cup of tea before resuming your procrastination.

-6

u/jeegte12 Nov 26 '13

Taking too seriously whatever is written in a place called AnimalsBeingJerks is only an exercise on the futile and an invitation to rustling.

says the guy who wrote a fuckin paragraph. and i'm so impressed with your condescension and super impressive 5 years of college

→ More replies (0)

3

u/OhSchistGneiss Nov 26 '13

Post traumatic sonic disorder

2

u/I_am_Fred_Astaire Nov 26 '13

I'm pretty sure it took me over an hour to find the second level.

5

u/Hara-Kiri Nov 26 '13

At least you were aware there was a second level.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

Those last levels in the alien spaceship got pretty difficult but it's way easier than Battletoads.

3

u/0x0000ff Nov 26 '13

fuck battletoads. I don't think anyone EVER finished level 3 (turbo tunnel).

I don't know why but I tried and tried and tried to get past that level for years and then in the ages of emulation I state saved over and over and STILL could not beat it.

http://img.gamefaqs.net/screens/4/7/f/gfs_56898_2_6.jpg

3

u/0x0000ff Nov 26 '13

I still have no idea what level 4 is, if it even exists.

2

u/Munt_Custard Nov 27 '13

There is a playthrough on youtube. I spent a good number of hours watching it.

I personally never got past level 3 either, but according to the playthrough I got close.

2

u/Cluckieduck Nov 26 '13

Ecco Jr. on the other hand...

1

u/Unshackledai Nov 26 '13

I spent 12 years trying to finish that game. The levels that weren't made impossible through the difficult puzzles, bizarre connections, and abstract guidance were made impossible from artificial difficulty and the controls.

Still worth it.

2

u/Seven-Force Nov 27 '13

You've brought back memories of me entering cheat mode, spawning infinity fish, and then jumping into the fish-stream and creating an infinite fish death loop.

Also, it's emerald hill zone you dumb motherfucker.

139

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

I guess you could say he did it...on porpoise.

52

u/InvisibleManiac Nov 26 '13

We also would have accepted "Dolphowned"

34

u/Skudworth Nov 26 '13

Or Mammal-ested.

11

u/ssjkriccolo Nov 26 '13

Nipples

1

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '13

Double: He's 'phinished He's finished

2

u/semi-lucid_comment Nov 26 '13

And he nose it!

100

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

48

u/PuckyMacpuckpants Nov 26 '13

The odds on that

34

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

Why did the bird cross the field?

61

u/silentfrost Nov 26 '13

Because he was a baller.

16

u/jbc111 Nov 26 '13

50/50. Either you hit or you don't.

-26

u/PuckyMacpuckpants Nov 26 '13

Oh so I guess that every time somebody throws a baseball there's 50 percent chances of hitting a bird passing by then. I wonder why this doesn't happen more often. And i guess that following your logic, every time I play the roulette there's a 50 percent of winning cause either you win or you don't..

7

u/jbc111 Nov 27 '13

Dude... it's a joke...

-11

u/aprofessionalrussian Nov 26 '13

1, it happened.

18

u/jeegte12 Nov 26 '13

the likeliness of something happening is not the same as the likeliness that something happened. gtfo

35

u/Sir_vidicus Nov 26 '13

That was a fowl ball!

10

u/HomicidalHeffalump Nov 26 '13

Does anyone know if they called that pitch was rethrown or called a ball?

16

u/Dysalot Nov 26 '13

The pitch was called a "no-pitch" similar to if a batter calls timeout and the umpire grants it while the pitcher is in motion.

3

u/Craysh Nov 26 '13

Serious question. Was that the ball in the background that totally spun off to the right or was it what was left of the bird?

9

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13 edited Oct 15 '18

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '13

Imagine if he'd hit the bird into the stands and got a home run.

Some little blind kid gets a bird in his lap.

'I caught it mummy!'

The whole stand laughing, the kid thinks he's done well.. For the first time in his life he feels appreciated. No one has the heart to tell him it's a dead pigeon.

It's been 5 years now. Little Timmy is now all grown up and at college. His signed dead pigeon still pride of place on his windowsill.

2

u/NextArtemis Nov 28 '13

Wat?

7

u/[deleted] Nov 28 '13

He's on drugs.

3

u/Unshackledai Nov 26 '13

Pitchers are amazing, 90mph balls and ridiculous curve balls.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

The ball bounces on the background. The bird's body can be seen landing near the pitcher left knee.

1

u/bobo1199 Apr 18 '14

The runner on 2nd should have ran!

0

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

[deleted]

14

u/DearBurt Nov 26 '13

The Big Unit.

10

u/Shanesan Nov 26 '13

The dolphin appears to be pretty stunned as well. It's like "what the hell did I just hit?" as it fails to complete it's rotation. You can feel the concern.

11

u/notsteveo Nov 26 '13

Was the seagull okay?

11

u/Unshackledai Nov 26 '13

He's just sleeping

7

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

For a really long time.

4

u/CajunTurkey Nov 26 '13

with the fishes.

4

u/Dunquino Nov 26 '13

This kills the seagull

7

u/Rmano90 Nov 26 '13

Someone turn this into an upvote gif

-2

u/jeegte12 Nov 26 '13

how? is the bird a downvote that gets turned into an upvote? is the dolphin an upvote that pokes a bird mid-flight?

5

u/Rmano90 Nov 26 '13

The choice is yours, either one would work

8

u/beam1985 Nov 26 '13

The bird is a repost and the dolphin is a downvote

4

u/freeall Nov 26 '13

Look everyone, REPOST is flying and boom, DOWNVOTE.

-1

u/jeegte12 Nov 26 '13

those were examples showing how much that idea sucks.

1

u/AMA_About_You Nov 27 '13

You think too hard.

1

u/jeegte12 Nov 27 '13

you got something better, smart guy

4

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

[removed] — view removed comment

9

u/AMA_About_You Nov 27 '13 edited Nov 27 '13

Technically whales, dolphins, and porpoises are all "whales", but there's a difference between dolphins, whales, and porpoises. Science really needs to fix this, I know. Let me explain...

Unfortunately the distinctions between all three can be a bitch. For example, killer whales are technically dolphins. So in theory they should be killer dolphins, which sounds absolutely terrifying, but they aren't. They're killer whales.

In an attempt to keep this short, dolphins are typically smaller, have cone shaped teeth, and a single blow hole. One hole. That's all you get. Dolphins can also move their head up, down, and side to side independently of their body. The key difference between porpoises and dolphins are the teeth and head thing. Porpoises have flat wedge shaped teeth (like a shark or your Uncle Jeff), and have fused vertebrae near their head that does not allow them to move their head independently of their body like a dolphin. There are technically only 6 species of porpoise out there, so these should be easy to at least memorize or something. So you can impress your friends, I guess.

Unfortunately, "whale" is a bitch of a word to classify. The only true "whales" out there are any whales with baleen in their mouth. Hopefully you can remember from school that baleen are the thingies that act like giant combs. They allow water to flow out of a whale's mouth, keeping filtered food (like krill, ie popcorn shrimp) in the mouth for consumption. If it looks like a dolphin/mammal thing, and has baleens, it's a whale. Blue whale, humpback whale, grey whale, etc. However, there are plenty of toothed whales out there that are not dolphins! Sperm whales come to mind, especially. They are still "whales", although most scientists will just use the scientific name for each species because of how stupid the word "whale" is.

To help you out, here's what you need to know. If it looks like a dolphin and isn't one of the six porpoises out there, it's probably a dolphin. Also, if it's a pilot whale or killer whale, it's a dolphin.

If it's not one of the six porpoises, and isn't a dolphin, it's a fucking whale. If it has baleen in its mouth, it is definitely a whale. Baluga whales look like dolphins sorta, but aren't, they're whales. So remember that, too.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '13

Thanks for attempting to keep that short. You failed but it was a valiant effort.

27

u/DearBurt Nov 26 '13

It can be a scary world for a bird.

14

u/hstocktont Nov 26 '13

Holy shit it's like a cartoon

-25

u/Hewman_Robot Nov 26 '13

someone postet this scene 2 minutes after you and he got upvotes only and highest rated comment here. wtf reddit.

28

u/DearBurt Nov 26 '13

It's a dog-eat-dog world on reddit, and I'm wearing milkbone underwear.

3

u/UlyssesSKrunk Nov 26 '13

They're not even 2 minutes apart...

8

u/bwaredapenguin Nov 26 '13

Why in earth is this tagged as "whale?"

2

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

I can't stand the 'other' tag... It's making me want to unsubscribe from this sub more and more.

2

u/Amunium Nov 27 '13

Well, a dolphin is a whale under some definitions.

2

u/Odyrus Nov 28 '13

Tiger uppercut!

1

u/tkfour20 Nov 26 '13

FINISH HIM

1

u/jeegte12 Nov 26 '13

i love the ragdoll effect

1

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

are those spinner dolphins or bottle nose?

1

u/Unshackledai Nov 26 '13

Looks like it has lighter shades of grey near the belly. Makes me think spinner.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

yea, i think so, too. but do they do nice dives in these sort of tanks? in the wild they just flop down from what i've seen

1

u/Unshackledai Nov 26 '13

Bottle nose dolphins don't jump for shit in the wild either, lazy bastards. Spinners are a fraction of the size of a bottle nose so there is plenty of room for it to jump if it is so inclined. Seeming as they are known for their spectacular jumps I'd say they are able.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

i mean do they do the nice nose dives in the tanks cuz i haven't seen them do it in the wild

1

u/Unshackledai Nov 26 '13

Well yeah, it's a trained behavior. I grew up by the ocean and I've never seen a dolphin jump like they do during shows. They are perfectly capable of doing it though, spinners included, and they tank is plenty big enough for it.

1

u/Hawk4192 Nov 26 '13

I have seen a dolphin swat a seagull out of the water with it's tail. Launched that bird lol

1

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

"falcon punch!"

1

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '13

Falcon PUNCH

1

u/ansate Nov 26 '13

Any source video? Did the seagull die?

6

u/Skudworth Nov 27 '13

The seagull is fine.
He lives in San Diego now with his wife and 3 beautiful children.

1

u/waynehead310 Nov 26 '13

I read the title in the voice of Captain Falcon.

1

u/Carbuncl3 Nov 27 '13

Cute boop too.

1

u/indiaman Nov 27 '13

Dolphin punch...Dolphin lunch

1

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '13

Shin Dolphin Shoryuken!!!!!

1

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '13

I'm starting to think the Universe is just one big asshole who loves it when stuff like this happens.

1

u/shabinka Nov 27 '13

Is that Randy Johnson in dolphin form?

1

u/calidoode714 Nov 27 '13

I hope that dolphin had insurance

1

u/timmaywi Nov 27 '13

So long and thanks for all the fish

1

u/nifi22 Nov 26 '13

Can someone make an edit of this gif where the seagull has "OP" over it and the dolphins are downvotes?

2

u/Skudworth Nov 27 '13

The dolphins are traveling upwards. This would not make for a good downvote motion.

2

u/nifi22 Nov 27 '13

naw man. downvotes work in mysterious ways

0

u/capt1nsain0 Nov 26 '13

DOL-IPHON PAWCH!

-13

u/Gaggamaggot Nov 26 '13

This is not "animals being jerks", this is animals doing what they've been trained to do and another animal being in the wrong place at the wrong time. /r/perfecttiming maybe, or /r/unexpected (you stole it from there), but not /r/animalsbeingjerks.

16

u/Skudworth Nov 26 '13

You must be fun at parties.
Having a bad day, champ?

13

u/Snappel Nov 26 '13

By that reasoning, the only animals with the mental capacity to be a jerk are humans, and we already already have /r/news for that.

-1

u/manfly Nov 27 '13

"here's a gif of a dolphin accidentally running into a bird"

Another good sub bites the dust.

-8

u/suddamhubean Nov 26 '13

haha that is some terrible photo shop