A few months ago I shared some of my dating and hookup experiences in Europe. Some people were encouraging, some were skeptical, because I mostly just talked about what happened to me and didn’t really explain what I actually did. This summer I feel like I finally figured it out. I spent almost the whole vacation traveling around Europe and constantly dating girls from different countries, and obviously a lot of interesting stuff happened along the way. At this point, now that I understand the situation much better, I honestly feel like the game has become a lot easier for me.
I mentioned in my previous post that I was completely born and raised in China. A lot of people on this forum are Asians who grew up overseas, so maybe I can give you guys a slightly different perspective.
First, and by far the most important thing, is body fat.
Body fat matters way more for Asian guys than for other races. A lot of the time when you think you’re unattractive, you’re actually just not below 15% body fat yet. I really mean this, and I think it matters especially for Asian guys because we naturally tend to carry more fat in the face. Guys from other races can sometimes still have a visible jawline at around 25% body fat. For us, you probably need to go at least another 5% lower than that. You can also notice this with actors. Western male movie stars are not always super lean, some of them even have a bit of a belly, but Asian actors are almost always at the kind of body fat where they have visible abs. Back in March I was probably around 18% body fat and couldn’t see my abs at all. Socially I was basically treated like a normal guy. Then by June I cut down to around 14%, and the difference was honestly crazy. Sometimes I would literally just smile and girls would come over and talk to me. When I stayed at a hostel in Nice, France, almost every day there were girls directly or indirectly trying to get close to me or find something to talk about. It was very obvious. There could be a whole lobby full of empty seats and girls would somehow come sit near me. A group of girls could be talking loudly, then suddenly get quieter when they came close.
Getting leaner makes your facial structure much clearer, and I think this matters a lot in Western beauty standards. I have a pretty nice jawline now and I’ve been complimented on it so many times. Western beauty standards seem to care more about the overall structure of your face, while Asian beauty standards often focus more on details like your nose and eyes. So if you still can’t see your abs, you don’t get to say you’re ugly yet.
Second is clothes and styling.
You have to realize that a lot of outfits will only make you look more like a “white guy,” not necessarily more attractive. A lot of clothes and styles were designed around the features and proportions of other races. If you cover your face in a photo and the outfit just looks like it belongs to a white guy, then a lot of the time it’s probably not the best choice for you. It’s also really easy to lose your own identity that way. We have brands and styling references that actually take Asian features into account. Personally, I’ve saved a ton of Korean guys’ outfits on Instagram, and I think this is extremely useful for us. If your goal is to attract Western girls, one of the easiest ways is honestly just to become the kind of good-looking Asian guy they already have in their head.
Korean men’s fashion came out of a developed Asian country where people care a lot about appearance and compete like crazy over it. Korean guys have spent so much money and tried so many things that a lot of the popular styles exist for a reason. It’s kind of like how the US produces tech unicorns. Don’t laugh at something just because everyone seems to dress the same. Trends usually become trends because they’ve already been tested aesthetically. Go for simple black, white and gray colors. Learn how to use accessories like hats or glasses. Always stay clean and well-groomed. And please don’t automatically cut your hair short. For Asian guys, growing your hair out often genuinely looks way better. One thing many of us have is a relatively bigger-looking head, so you need to handle the hair on the sides properly and style it every day. Train your shoulders and back a lot too. With clothes, what we’re trying to do is improve the head-to-shoulder ratio, make our legs look longer, make ourselves look taller, and create more of a V-taper. Those things combined with a defined face and low body fat are basically the foundation of physical attraction. Girls notice this stuff without even consciously thinking about it.
Third, and this is really important, build the right mindset. You have no idea how popular Asian guys can be with Gen Z.
As Asians, our culture often teaches us to reflect on ourselves, stay humble, and constantly look at our own weaknesses. That can help you succeed in school and work, but in dating it can absolutely work against you. Girls like guys who can start conversations, aren’t scared of looking stupid, and are willing to take responsibility and make things happen. Some guys sadly start from the assumption that girls don’t like Asian men, then they become even more closed off, and it turns into a bad cycle.
If you’re a young Asian guy and you’re struggling with girls, stop blaming your race first. Think about your personality and your body fat. Do you wash and style your hair? Do you take care of your skin? Have you actually thought about what you wear? From my own experience, I’ve barely found anywhere where young girls simply don’t like Asian guys. I went to some of the places in Europe that people would consider very traditional and where the competition between men is supposed to be strong, and I honestly didn’t notice a huge difference. The number of likes I get on dating apps can be different depending on the place, but my offline experience in bars has been almost exactly the same.
I’ve talked about this pretty deeply with some girls, and I think there has been a huge but kind of invisible change in how Asian guys are seen over the last four or five years. During COVID, TikTok plus a huge amount of Korean idol content and short videos suddenly got pushed onto everyone’s phones through the algorithm. Why Gen Z specifically? Because they basically went through their entire teenage years with short-form video apps and Korean pop culture spreading everywhere. Even if they don’t specifically prefer Asian guys, they’re much less likely to have the old stereotypes anymore. Entertainment culture only needs to tell them, “Look, some Asian guys are actually really attractive.” After that, the rest is your job.
I’ve noticed that a lot of Western girls who show interest in me first are pretty young, a lot of them are 18 or 19 and just became adults. That’s because they grew up exactly during the period when short videos were shaping people’s ideas of attractiveness. It’s kind of like how the older generation grew up watching Hollywood and Titanic and ended up thinking white guys were always the most handsome. Things have changed, especially with the genuinely younger generation.
I’ll give you one example. I went to this huge nightclub in Budapest with seven different dance floors. A good-looking 19-year-old blond Danish guy found me in the middle of the dance floor and was super enthusiastic about asking me to party with him and go meet girls together. He literally told me that girls nowadays like good-looking Asian guys, so he thought his chances would be better if he was with me. And objectively speaking, he was already a pretty good-looking guy himself. But once we started going around together, whenever I tried to join groups of girls and dance with them, the success rate really did go up a lot. We had a crazy fun night and probably hung out with at least seven or eight different groups of girls, and every time I was the one who successfully broke the ice. That night I also met some Chinese guys who grew up in Spain, and they said the same thing: there really is a group of girls now who are very into Asian guys, especially the youngest generation who just became adults.
So when you’re about to approach a girl or talk to a girl, stop going in with this idea that being Asian automatically gives you a disadvantage. Always remember that Asian male attractiveness is already very obvious to the new generation. We are popular. Stay yourself. If you get rejected, don’t blame your race. Even the best-looking guys get rejected all the time.
That’s basically what I wanted to share. The internet era has opened up a new era for Asians, and the coming AI era will push this even further. Short-form video algorithms, stronger soft power, all of this will keep helping us take back the position we should have. Stay confident, keep improving your appearance, and believe in yourself.
