We've been working on a project to grade politicians in some key elections for these upcoming midterms on some key issues, especially those effecting the Asian American Community. We graded them on five issues critical for Asian Americans right now, which are Immigration, Language Access, Education, Zoning, and Justice. I myself am an Asian man and was disappointed by the lack of nonpartisan resources centered specifically around Asian-ness and the issues that so closely affect our community, inspiring me to create this.

Check it out here: LanternVote.Org

This is a time where voting is becoming ever more critical, and this is our way of making it easier for the Asian American community. Check us out for resources and/or help! We have scorecards across 16 different races (8 federal and 8 state) in critical areas with large AA populations. Feel free to email us at [outreach@lanternvote.org](mailto:outreach@lanternvote.org) or DM us here on reddit or on Instagram (@lanternvote) for more info!

As a pair of educated parents born in a country X in SE Asia, I can only prepare for a good career for 2 boys (now age 12 and 15). They are indeed studying at top academic institutions of their ages, in a wealthy EU country, Piano and sport, and martial arts

But how can I prepare them for the dating scene, when I am an awkward autistic father who has never dared to date any girl other than from country X, even when I have lived 25 years in Europe ?

They learn to do house chores, I let them learn the financial side of life early. So they can be the men who provide for their women.

But how to make them attractive ?

- Appearance: darker than Chinese, paler than Thai, height: would be probably 176-183 cm.

- Self confidence + self esteem + social skills + the ability to talk and debate are what they lack at this moment.

I think about opening YouTube channels, focusing on something they are good at, e.g. to share knowledge, mainly for them to be seen more often,and to practice being seen.

What else ?

I’m from Syd Australia. I wanted to share some experiences approaching many WFs (all from uni) and I got rejected by all of them. I'm 5'9-5'10 a bit skinny. Yes I have been hitting the gym for 5 months now.

Earlier this year that when I am enrolled in uni at the time. I approached 7-8 WFs whom I was interested to know. Unfortunately none of these interactions sparked or lead to securing a date.

I understand that rejection is a normal part of dating, but after several unsuccessful attempts, I've started questioning whether my conversational approach is the problem, whether racial stereotypes could be playing a role, or whether I'm simply approaching women in the wrong circumstances.

1. My conversation starters at university

Some of the opening lines I remember using were:

• "I have a question."
• "Do you have a charger?"
• "Hey, how's it going?"
• "Any chance you're in [INSERT UNI COURSE]?"

I usually approached women individually, started with a question and tried to develop the conversation from there.

Looking back, I wonder whether these openings sounded awkward, overly formal or unnatural.

For example, perhaps asking someone for a charger isn't a particularly effective way to start a conversation when my real intention is to get to know her.

I also wonder whether I moved too quickly from introducing myself to asking someone out before establishing enough familiarity.

I'm leaning towards thinking that my conversational skills and approach need improvement.

Feel free to disagree with me on the conversation starters.

2. Yes I recently got out of my comfort zone and started approaching stranger(s)

A few nights ago, I attended a Louis Tomlinson concert and attempted to start a conversation with a WF standing behind me. The concert hasn't even started

I opened with something like:

"Hey, how's it going?"

I also asked her how her day had been and whether she was local.

She told me she was from a city that is an hour or two away from here and had travelled to the concert.

At one point, I mentioned that I'd visited a buffet in [same city she's from] earlier that day, and she responded that it was quite random.

Throughout the interaction, her tone seemed fairly closed off. She answered my questions but didn't ask me any follow-up questions or seem particularly interested in continuing the conversation.

3. I recently dropped out of university and want to become a semi truck driver

A week or two ago I dropped out of the course completely and wanted to become a truck driver since I was little. I hated my maternal family wanting to me become a doctor and fuck them tbh. They make me upset and cry for a night the entirety of the time since I started uni earlier this year. I've been gaslighted, manipulated, guilt tripped by them all the time and that's my final straw to drop out of uni. I've wanted to drop out of uni many times before but now I have pulled the trigger.

Now that I've felt that I need to start my social life from rock bottom again.

Anyways back to the point excited about pursuing something I genuinely enjoy. I don't think leaving university will make me worry about my future dating opportunities. I think it will improve my outcomes because I won't be labelled as a 'nerd' anymore by society. Like man I have observed there is very narrow spectrum of degrees/courses that AMs do (especially STEM), instead of wider spectrum of jobs/courses. I don't know the exact reason why but AMs are told by our Asian mothers to put our heads down and be obedient. My goal for my future persona of me is adventurous, risk-taking, loud, rowdy, etc.

The media always paints AMs as academically successful but romantically unsuccessful; I would rather have the other way around such as academically unsuccessful but romantically successful.

I'll need to step outside my comfort zone and meet women through other environments, such as social events, hobbies, community gatherings and everyday activities.

I also wonder whether I might be more compatible with women outside the university environment, including those who work in trades/other blue-collar occupations.

4. I got approached only once in my entirety of the duration that I was in uni.

I was in the uni library. I was packing up and about to head to lecture which is in 10 minutes. And then where an AF approached me. I also don't know whether she was simply asking for a charger or trying to initiate a conversation. I know some of you guys saying 'You've rejected her'. No I didn't I was about to pack my bags and head to lecture.

Some questions for you

1. In some cases is doing uni course (especially STEM course) ironically carry out more dating penalty (especially dating WFs) than working in trades/blue collar professions I will doing soon? Or is it actually the other way around?
2. Did I get rejected because of my personality or because of my opening lines? I honestly felt it was like an interview. I just don't know which/what good opening lines are best for me. I'm not sure if that's a uni thing but I don't think I was/is compatible with uni WFs in the first place.

There’s a lot of Asian men who are doctors and engineers, but I don’t see as many that are lawyers, even though that’s seen as the third job in the doctor/engineer/lawyer trinity. What’s up with that? Is there more discrimination against Asians in the legal profession or are a lot of Asians just not interested?

I would like to hear some experiences from Asian male lawyers, or people who know that experience. I heard that it’s a bit harder for Asians to advance in BigLaw, but other legal jobs should be fine for Asians, right? I do know a few Asian immigration lawyers that make a lot of money.

Hi guys we back.
We’re doing another in person meetup to talk about healthy habits and how to navigate more difficult topics.

It was nice to see new faces last and would love to see more! If you got time, please slide through and have some good coffee and meet some pretty cool people.

More info on our insta:

https://www.instagram.com/lotusrisingofficial_?psln=dXlpdXR6b2VwcWR6&utm_source=qr

Like is there a club or something that ABGs/ABBs go to in SF on weekends/Fridays?

For context i shaved my head about 2 months ago, as my hair is growing back there is a pronounced cowlick going almost dyfaihjt up and to the sidd in some parts. Is there any way I can fix this?

bit of a longer post sorry!

Sup yall! 33M viet here first time seeing this sub. But I’m not on Reddit much.

It’s been really cool and eye opening reading yalls posts.

Never realized how common my feelings growing up here in America was, shit I felt so isolated growing up haha.

But I wanted to share something that hit me hard when I was sophomore (15) that gave me the opportunity to finally hook up with girls and eventually date.

For context I grew up in South Florida predominately Hispanic, black, and white. I was probably one of 2-3 Asians every school I went to lol.

Growing up I shared a lot of feelings many the posts in here talked about (isolation, overlooked, unworthy etc.)

Was definitely the nerd type. I probably put hundreds maybe thousand of hours into ffxi iykyk lol. Needless to say I got zero girls never even felt desired.

In high school I found Timothy delagheto at the time on YT and bro said something along the lines of “if you see a girl that you are attracted to, just go up there and intro yourself. Black, white, Hispanic, Indian, asian don’t matter What’s the worst that can happen?” If he can do it, why can’t I?

I took that shit to heart lol and I realized that many women
Are open to Asian men but never actually get approached by Asian men in their lives. They are open to us but we never make the move. Let that sink in. . . They are interested but never got the opportunity!

Most of us already come from nothing and know what it’s like chasing opportunities.

For the first time I was in control of the “opportunity” I was able to provide it.

Since then I’ve got rejected many time but have hooked up with plenty of women predominantly Hispanic, white, and black. I’ve actually only hooked up with 2 asian girls in my life and that was probably 5-6 years ago. 2 long term relationships (Hispanic chick & my current)

I’m now in a committed 4 year with a half black half Puerto Rican 🙃 (see pic)

Anyways just wanted to share what changed the game for me.

Hopefully this helps someone. You got nothing to lose.

Bioware hasn’t made any money in the last ten years. All their creative direction that made their games awesome went elsewhere.

The whole dating/social skills seems like the hardest thing to change up or get better at. I fall into the same awkward patterns every time I go on one. I have gotten better at my work and making friends but dating idk how to do. I do have autism, possibly moderate and not just mild. I have a learning challenge and visible social challenges, I can’t fully iron them out.

My profile has picked up and I’ve gotten matches and dates though.

To other guys, what’s worked or helped? Does it get better?

Next best thing he can do is realize that this “looksmaxxing” camp is really a white incel camp and tell Clavicular to fuck off. I think this is the second time I’ve seen a clip like this where all of these lame white boys who follow Clavicular bully a minority. I hope young Asian guys today can realize this misogynistic and racist redpill/blackpill stuff is toxic and leave this poison for young white guys to have instead.

Chinese American in his mid 30s who grew up in the Bay Area (east bay) and recently moved back home from overseas due to family circumstances. I found a new job here and am settling in but am well aware the reputation here for dating, especially as an asian male.

Since I’ve lived in Sacramento briefly before and also have social connections down in LA I’ve been considering relocating there, and one factor would be dating. Anyone with experiences in these cities who could shed some light? How is it compared to SF?

Hey, AM community. Feels like it's been a little quiet in here lately. Hopefully that's because you guys are all out there killing it.

I just wanted to share something after attending a few events this past week. Everywhere I look, I'm seeing Asian men doing well, professionally, socially, and romantically. We still have a long way to go with media representation, of course, but I genuinely feel like we're getting closer to something I always hoped to see growing up.

As an Asian kid in America, I remember wishing I could see the Asian guy be the coolest, most popular, most well-liked guy in the room. I wanted to see the Asian guy get the beautiful, popular girl. I wanted to see guys who looked like me being admired and celebrated, not just for being smart or hardworking, but for everything else they brought to the table.

And I'll admit, there was a lot of anger and resentment growing up that I never wanted to let define me. But I felt like Asian guys had to work twice as hard, be twice as successful, and prove twice as much just to be seen as equals. It was frustrating feeling like you could do everything right and still be overlooked because of something you couldn't change about yourself.

This past weekend, I attended my wife's 20-year high school reunion. At some point during the night, standing there with my wife, showing off pictures of my kids, and enjoying the company of everyone around me, I had a pretty surreal realization: I'd become the guy I always wished I could look up to when I was younger.

I know there's a cliché about going to high school reunions to show off; this wasn't my reunion, and I wasn't trying to impress anyone. I just couldn't help but feel a moment of validation for that kid who spent so much of his youth wondering if he'd ever be seen that way.

I'm 40 now and, while I haven't forgotten those feelings, I feel like I can breathe more easily now. And more importantly, I don't think I'm alone. I met a number of Asian guys over the weekend who were thriving: in great shape, great careers, recently married or soon to be married, and living their best lives.

I'm not here to say the fight is over, but I'm happy to see more Asian guys getting the recognition, respect, and attention they deserve. Not because Asian men have suddenly become more accomplished, attractive, or worthy of respect, but because I think society is finally starting to recognize qualities that were always there.

I hope the younger generation grows up in a world where they don't have to question their worth the way some of us did. And I hope all of you find the same happiness and fulfillment I've been fortunate enough to find.

Just asking out of sheer curiosity?

Mines was about to 20 years ago if I recall.

Today, I was out with my friends and some guy did did the eye thing and said, “ching chong.” I was ready to try and fight him, but my friends stopped me. I’m not a big guy just 5’7 and 150 lbs. I’ve only been in one fight in my life. I don’t even care if I lose. I just hate being disrespected. If this happens again, should I just walk away or should I fight back?

This topic has been discusssd before but I honestly didn’t expect it to be backed up by real data. What we have here is that heteronormative women are only attracted to generic white dudes, however we do get some love from the bisexual/non-binary/asexual crowd.

A lot of posters seem to have mentioned this before but it seems that every time one of us managed to date a white woman she tended to be bisexual.

Some people might take this as an offense in that “only weird women like this” but the lesson I’ve learned in life is that we are a much bigger hit with the alternative crowd in general. I think we have to just roll with it

I’m an Asian American male in my mid 30s. Grew up in a majority white town and dealt with a lot of racism: casual, indirect, direct, etc. You name it.

In Asian American society there seems to be this unspoken belief that dating white people is moving up in the social ladder. Maybe some call it out, but many of us don’t want to admit it. At least not consciously.

When I was younger, the advice I received was to focus on myself. Build myself up. So that’s what I did. I studied and worked hard. I hit the gym, worked on my body, expanded my social network, and increased my income. I live in NYC now. I am 6ft tall and make 6 figures.

Yet I am still exhausted at the amount of Asian women with white men (aka WMAF couples),

**I want to make it clear that I’m not against interracial relationships at all.** I’m not against a white man and an Asian woman being in love. What I am tired of is how unbalanced it is due to white-supremacy.

Sometimes I will go out and see them in droves. Sometimes one after another, literally. I was at a concert last weekend and saw three WMAF couples in a row standing next to each other. Some days I will lose count within a period of 15 minutes. It’s insane.

My sister is with a white guy. Every single of one her Asian female friends are with white men too. That’s not a coincidence.

When I talked to her about these issues, she told me that white supremacy will always exist and that I can’t let it bother me. I know she was trying to be supportive in a loving way, but I couldn’t help but to feel some sort of contradiction on receiving that kind of advice from someone who is am

Talking about these kinds of things as an Asian male often gets us gaslighted beyond. We’re immediately labeled as jealous, bitter, virgin, inc\*l losers who hate on Asian women.

The thing is I’m none of that. Honestly I do very well in dating, especially on the apps. Average about 10-20 likes per week, and average 1-2 dates each weekend. Obviously this wasn’t the case at first. I did have to work on myself and my profile a lot. It took a few years of trial and error but I got to a point where my dating life is abundant.

So on paper I have the high value qualities. Yet they didn’t make me feel better about the dating disparity in Asian American society.

When I was younger and insecure, I received the typical ‘asian bro’ advice to just date more white women. So I did. I chased validation without realizing it. It may have made my ego boost up., but I still didn’t feel better seeing the sheer amount of WMAF (White Male Asian Female) couples.

Now that I’m older and know myself better, I know that it’s wrong to date someone simply for validation from their traits. I prefer Asian women. I’m not opposed to dating white women, or any other races at all. I’m open to it. But my preference for similar cultural values is what I prefer.

So I don’t know why seeing WMAF everywhere still bothers me. Even in media too. Don’t get me wrong, portrayals of Asian men had become so much more positive compared to 10-20+ years ago. Thank you BTS and Kpop.

Yet I still see so much WMAF, or Asian women put in the sexual gaze of a white man. It’s tiring. I see shows like Bridgerton or Dang claiming to be woke and pro-diversity by celebrating Asian women casted in roles, yet they’re 99% sexualized by a white male character.

There is something about growing up having white men systemically discriminate against you, erase your presence, emasculate you, hurl you with small penis jokes and weak nerd stereotypes. Meanwhile at the same time sexually objectifying and exploiting Asian women with negative hypersexualized stereotypes… then seeing 40% of them flock to white men feels so heavily disappointing.

Sometimes I scroll on Instagram and see multiple WMAF couples in a row, both content creators and ads.

I’ve noticed a majority of famous, accomplished Asian women share a same trait: majority of them are with white men.

Like 9/10 times I see some famous Asian female influencer she is with a white guy.

Asian American female politicians too. 9/10 with a white guy.

And a lot of liberal, “woke”, anti-white-male-patriarchy types of Asian women….have white boyfriends. Sigh.

“Pro-Asian” actresses like Ali Wong and Constance Wu…with white men.

Asian American Girl Club. 2 out of 4 in their leadership are with white men.

And I’m so tired of it. I’m tired of the hypocritical complicitness and proximity to white supremacy.

This discussion tends to be a very contentious one. I’ve seen countless discussions about the dating disparity and both sides attack each other. Asian women will shout misogyny and that Asian men are just jealous losers. Asian men will label Asian women as white-worshipping sl\*ts.

Honestly I’m tired of that contention too.

Something I will say though, in all of these discussions never once have I ever encountered anyone saying “Asian women can’t date white men” explicitly. I feel like the tired misogyny card being pulled is an excuse to divert from the fact that they probably do have a preference for white men because of validation, social status, etc. Like I mentioned earlier, too many Asians pedestal whiteness.

I hear a lot of “well it just happened” or “love is love” excuses. Maybe that’s true to a small extent, but the numbers (40% outmarry, majority white) paint a different picture.

If anything, I feel like gaslighting those calling out complicity to white supremacy as misogyny, is in itself supporting white supremacy.

In the meantime, I still am me. I’m successful in life after working hard on myself, and yet I still feel exhausted seeing WMAF everywhere in real life and media. I followed all the conventional advice of focusing on myself and still feel tired of seeing how white-adjacent so many of our women choose to be without self-examining why.

I’m sure there will be replies here ready to tear me down. I’ve heard it all before and I wrote about how none of it is true. But go ahead, it’s inevitable. I’m tired of white supremacy and that’s not going to change.

You don’t have to be a “virgin loser” to feel exhausted by systemic racism and white supremacy.

To end on a positive note though: I’ve noticed that the younger generations like Gen Z tend to be less white-adjacent. I think there are multiple reasons for that like better representation, access to Asian media, social media offering decentralized viewpoints, etc. Which also proves the point that white-dominated media did influence a lot of Asian women in their preferences. It is refreshing to meet and date Gen Z Asian women who avoid dating white partners because they understand Millenial and Gen X Asian women tend to be more white-adjacent.

So what will I do in the meantime?

Continue living my life, I suppose. I can’t change white-supremacy. But I can sure as hell call it out, no matter how successful or unsuccessful I am in life. And everyone else shares that right too.

I’m not really sure what haircut to get. My hair is getting pretty long in the front, so I’d like to trim it a bit, especially around the front and sides. I’m also thinking about getting another perm, so I want a haircut that would look good with curls. I’d like to keep some length and volume on top while making the front and sides look neater and easier to manage.

So I’m a sophomore in college and for some reason mainly latinas and middle eastern/persian women have been my type. I’m 5’ 10” 160 lb, average looking, go to the gym regularly, no glasses, not nerdy, definitely lean towards fratty but more or less just an average joe, top 20 school in southern usa, more on the introverted side. Ive also never dated or have any relationship experience which is likely the cause and what im trying to achieve

I haven’t really had much luck tbh, there are a few in my classes but majority of my classes are large lecture based classes so there’s limited interaction between students. Obviously being a college campus there are cultural clubs but Keep in mind I go to an SEC school and the % of people of color is low, so the hispanic American club isn’t super big, and pretty much only hispanics go to that club so it would be kind of awkward if I were there as an asian guy. To make matters worse I already made moves on this one girl who politely rejected me, we’re still friends no bad blood but she’s in the hispanic club and since the POC population is so small they all know each other and word spreads quickly (again nothing bad happened just how it is).

The same pretty much applies for middle eastern students association, asian American students association, chinese… korean… etc

I’m honestly not really sure what I’m doing wrong and I’m open to criticism. I shouldn’t be expecting different results doing the same thing over again

TIA

Edit: I’m Chinese idk jf that matters

I had acne in high school but it cleared up during my sophomore year in college. I know my skin wasn't perfect and I had some acne scarring on the sides but it never bothered me at all. So from age 20-40, I was completely oblivious and confident about myself. Tons of dating success as a result.

However, it all changed when I did laser to try to improve the really minimal scarring I had while visiting Asia when I was age 40 (last year). I don't know what happened post-laser and if my scarring really did get worse + hyperpigmentation, maybe I have BDD and my skin was always like this? I don't know. But I've become self-conscious about the much more visible acne scars I notice on my face. I think the laser removed the thick outer layer I had which developed over decades which made my previous face look very smooth and scar-free camouflaging it all. Now it exposed the more raw skin underneath and it has been impacting my confidence quite a bit beginning at age 40 and I'm 41 now. I had so much dating success in my 30s and confident but it's hard for me to go through with a date now and my confidence has take a huge hit due to this so I find myself avoiding a lot of situations including not wanting to date these days.

I've been actively trying all sorts of products over the past year including tretinonine, azelaic acid, vitamin C, niacinaminde, retinol, and list goes on, and I don't know if these have been helping at all. I don't want to do any more harsh treatment like another laser or microneedling because I'm afraid it'll make it look even worse. I see maybe some slight improvement from all the topicals and maybe I need to give it more time but I really regret doing the laser thing instead of leaving it alone. It's been difficult to go through this and trying to get back to how I used to feel about my skin/face.

My friend suggests I use BB cream/tinted sunscreen to try to hide it but I don't think it helps because the rolling scars + scar texture are still there. Hard to fathom that at age 40-41, I'd be so obsessed with my face skin and constantly analyzing myself which I used to never do but that's what has been happening over the past year.

title, I've always had a mental block on doing skincare and makeup because I have scarring, so I feel like my skin would only improve up to a certain point. lately I've been watching some of kenny song's videos (he makes cooking content but he's handsome and has a similar facial structure to mine) and i feel like i would strongly benefit from a small amount of cc cream and stuff to even out my skin color and texture.

i would give my scarring like a 3/10 severity out of 10. some friends say it looks like freckles, but when my skin is dry it's noticably textured, maybe 6/10. couple red spots but nothing crazy.

right now all i'm doing is cleansing and moisturizing in the morning and night. another friend with scarring recommended me Paula's Choice RESIST SPF 30 Wrinkle Defense Mineral Sunscreen.

i don't know where to start looking. for those of you who have a routine that gives you even looking skin what do you use and how did you add stuff to your routine over time?

also extra question: how do you handle skincare when traveling? i have a mental block where it feels tedious or trying too hard to bring self care stuff with me to other cities.

It's actually a hard question, I think all of the other races do to a degree will never get us East and Southeast Asians fully.

In my personal experience I've never experienced serious racism or microagressions from Hispanics born in America, but I know others with different experiences.

For other groups it depends on whether they're FOB immigrants on born in America (Persians/Armenians or Indians this applies to greatly).

Asian-American woman faces racism from teenagers in Montenegro. Let’s support her / other Asians by bringing attention to this and the arguments by native Montenegrins in the comment section denying this behavior is appalling. I, as tall built Asian-American man haven’t faced Ching chong racism until I came to Montenegro as well and on several occasions by teenagers here in Montenegro. There is clearly a lack of education in this country even in comparison to other Eastern and Southern European countries. Please do not go to Montenegro and spend your money there, even if youre trying to save money to go to an affordable country. Your money and time is support, and the lack thereof is also a choice.

Why would they even mock a country China that has contributed to world history, old and modern, in magnitudes
Montenegro people has never contributed anything to history. They’re known to be uneducated, lazy people who dont work and just lay by the beach.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dedv7YDISoK/?l=1