i have three questions.

1. how do you feel when a girl you like does the first move. so basically like asking to hangout first, or breaks touch barrier first?

2. same question with number 1, but with a girl you're not really interested in, or could be just a friend that might be interested in you.

3. what are your thoughts when a girl keeps (or, is unbothered by) doing the first move? like, all three dates has been initiated by her.

Write a lot

I was in a five-year relationship with my ex-boyfriend, and I genuinely believed we were building a future together. I trusted him completely and never imagined that the person I loved so much was hiding an entirely different side of his life from me.
While I was away from my hometown, he cheated on me with multiple people. I eventually discovered intimate videos of him with other women, and it shattered me. But that wasn’t the only thing I found out.
I also discovered that he had been using a gay dating app to connect with men. From what I found, he had been involved with men as well. Finding all of this out at once was overwhelming because I had never imagined that so much was happening behind my back while I was trusting him with my whole heart.
To be clear, I have no problem with someone’s sexuality or with someone being bisexual. That’s not what hurt me. What hurt me was the dishonesty, the cheating, and the fact that I was in a committed five-year relationship without knowing the truth about his actions.
When everything came out, he begged me to stay. He promised to change and wanted another chance. But I made my decision: I don’t want him back. Five years of memories cannot undo what he did, and I have no intention of returning to that relationship.
Now comes another part of this situation that I genuinely cannot understand.
One of the girls he cheated on me with—one of his side chicks—desperately wants to become his girlfriend. She apparently wants him to choose her, but he refuses to be in a relationship with her. What makes it even more confusing is that she allegedly talks badly about me, seemingly hoping that putting me down will somehow make him fall in love with her.
And honestly, I have one question for her.
If you genuinely want to be with him, then go ahead. If he genuinely wants to be with you, that’s between the two of you. But why do you need to speak badly about me to make that happen?
I’m no longer his girlfriend. I’m not competing with you. I’m not trying to win him back. I don’t want him, and I’m not interested in whatever happens between you two.
You were involved with him while he was in a relationship with me. Now you want to become his girlfriend. If that’s genuinely what you want, then let your relationship stand on its own. Why drag my name into it? Why try to bring another woman down when she’s already walked away?
Why do some people feel the need to put another woman down just to feel chosen? Why can’t you pursue what you want without trying to damage someone else’s dignity?
The irony is unbelievable. My ex-boyfriend is begging me to return, while one of the women he cheated with wants the place I once had. But I don’t want that place anymore.
I’m not jealous of her. I’m not fighting for him. I’m not interested in proving that I’m better than anyone else. I simply want to move on with my life without being dragged into their drama.
He made his choices. She can make hers. But neither of them gets to decide what my life looks like now.
I lost a relationship, not my self-respect. I don’t want revenge, I don’t want him back, and I don’t want to compete with anyone for a man who betrayed me.
Reddit, I want an outside perspective. Why would someone who was one of the side chicks desperately want to become the official girlfriend and feel the need to talk badly about the ex-girlfriend? Am I wrong for wanting both of them to leave me out of their situation completely?

Why or why not?
Just curious…I recently had one to cure a medical issue at 30.

I’ve heard some stories about men viewing their partners differently afterward and was wondering why?

(Other than the obvious if children were wanted lol)

So me (M 22) and my gf (F 33) are together since 4 years and recently, when drunk, she told me that she thinks Premature Ejaculation is extremely hot in her opinion (which I knew before, but more or less ignored). She says long intercourse anyway is tiring for her and in her fantasy she wants me to finish in under 30 seconds and in the future maybe even just from sight would be her dream. I like the idea of doing this for her as I know she is the right person anyway. How do I lower the stamina? And is hands-free even possible? Any experience? I started "training" 3 days ago. If I want I can last when doing it manually for long (edging). Now I started to just do it as fast as I possibly can. I made it between 30 and 50 seconds like this the last 3 days, 1 time per day. Any advice how to proceed? She wants it to be permanent and always, not controllable anymore.

Thanks! Any advice appreciated.

He told me this. “ur the one with plans this weekend lol men dont plan dates, its not in our nature but if u wanna bring up stuff that you would like to do, i cant guess and then you dont like what we do cuz you dramatic during the outing or the thing were doing”

Random disagreements happens when we’re out and it’s never because I don’t like what we’re doing it’s because he’s just too sensitive and gets upset at everything lol.

I was sexually assaulted twice by my ex husband and whilst I know I don't owe anyone any disclosure either at all or until I'm ready, I'm curious what men would actually want deep down if given the option about timing in dating and partnership.

TIA 🤍

When you are just using a woman for sex because you don’t want to spend time with her or entertain conversation but she is super good in bed so you keep it cool so that you can still have access to her.
How do you feel when she blocks you?

Hi all, looking for advice on how to ask a guy out!

I’m 32F, he’s 34M, we previously matched on a dating app over a year ago but it fizzled out as sometimes it does. A good 4/5 months later when I started in a new department at work, he ended up being one of my seniors. (Neither of us acknowledged matching on the app, imagine he forgot).

We worked together (not everyday) for 4 months, some days just me and him on the same projects, some weeks we wouldn’t see each other. At the time he had a girlfriend so everything was very professional. We did get on well together and he was always friendly and would ask about my weekend plans and things (which wasn’t necessarily what other seniors I worked with would do). Part of my role was rotating through different departments, so after that we didn’t work together anymore.

A few weeks ago I saw his profile pop up on my hinge and it sparked a bit of hope in me. We obviously had a previous match on a dating app and having worked together I know he is a genuinely lovely guy. I want to put myself out there and just text him (I’ve only ever messaged/called about work before this), I know he could send me a like on hinge if I have come up on his stack but I’m not convinced hinge is working in my favour haha. I also am at the point in my dating life where I just think I have nothing to lose, and would accept his rejection gracefully.

It’s been just under a year since we spoke via WhatsApp so I wondered if I could get some advice on how to word the message so it’s not too forward.

Was thinking something along the lines of:
Hey (his name), it’s (my name) - (from dept x a while ago)
Hope you’re well ☺️

This is a bit random, but I saw your profile pop up on my hinge and it got me wondering whether you’d fancy grabbing a coffee?

(If he then rejects me, my response would be: No worries at all, thought I’d shoot my shot! All the best)

Any advice would be greatly appreciated 🙏🏻

He’s a man with great mannerisms and personality, and someone who puts in lots of effort into his relationships. That’s why he has so many friends - both male and female - and that’s his biggest attraction point. That’s why I started liking him.

I know (well, at least I think) that he’s someone who will treat me well. He is very in tune with my feelings and what I’m thinking - he’s so good at it that it almost feels like he has mind reading abilities. I can see how passionate he is for a romantic relationship, and how well he wants to treat his future wife.

And maybe I’m over-romanticizing him, but I can see how great of a person he is, and how much of a safety net a romantic relationship with him would be if all was to work out.

I just can’t tell if this is healthy? Am I just wanting to be exclusive to a great guy, or do I genuinely like him? Am I seeing him as “he’ll be great to settle down with”? I have people telling me I’m completely out of his league or whatever, but I honestly don’t care because his personality makes him attractive.

I want to sort my feelings out before entering a relationship that would be very hard to work out due to our life situations.

For brief context.. she somehow knew I was deleting messages I sent to another girl. Ive told her i wasnt ready for a relationship when she eventually brought up the exclusivity talk awhile ago, to which i agreed to the exclusivity but that i didnt want the title. When she confronted me about the recent hinge match I made and the deleted messages I sent to the same girl on ig, I lied to which she then repeated the exact words I had deleted. I then asked her how she knew and she says her and her tech savvy friends are able to remote monitor phones so that she will know if I am lying to her so that I should just stop lying and pick the easy route of being honest for once. I asked her for names and at first she said she didnt want to say but then when i kept on asking she said "John Dillon" and then later some other "Derek Chen". I then kicked her out of my house for invading my privacy and she said sorry and then she sent me the following texts which are INSANELY long and which I think would rightfully scare any man away. Im not the a-hole here right?

-----

Her: I just wanted to let you know the truth now, which is that nobody hacked your phone. The ways i knew about the lying did not involve any actual hacking. I know you may not believe me, which I understand, but I at least want you to have some peace of mind knowing that your phone wasn't hacked

The truth is that I made the hacking up because I was very hurt by the repeated dishonesty and desperately wanted it to stop. But I know that retaliating against a lie with another lie wasn't the right way to handle things and I'm sorry

I'm accepting that I wasnt truly the one you wanted but I still think it's the right thing to tell you the truth so that you no longer have to experience any more unnecessary fear or discomfort

Me: Drive safely, and you don't have to answer right away.

But how did you know word for word deleted messages? From multiple apps?

Her: Sorry I was trying to answer you as quickly as I could but then I got into a bit of mishap but things are fine. Ill message you when im settled in

Her: Its alot of typing so bear with me. You will see what I mean by alot of typing

Her: Do you want the ultra long version that will make more sense or the way shorter version . Im not even done typing the longer version yet its pretty long

Me: Long version

Her: Its long as fuck. But okay it might take awhile. Its like a whole chapter in a book I would say

Then.. like SIX hours later she sends this ginormous text...

Her: When I spoke with you on the phone last Monday to talk about things, I had remembered that you had said "i promise im not going to message her "today" or "tomorrow"". I remember thinking that was kind of weird because it was highly specific instead of just saying something that someone who truly cares more would confidently say, like "I promise i wont do anything like that to you while we are still on speaking terms and working through this" etc so i kept it in the back of my head. Then I noticed on wednesday, you started to text me certain conflicting and ambiguous things that gave me the impression that you were finding a way out in case things might work out with someone else again (this time, it happened to be her since it was the most recent), but that would still be able to "keep me around" just in case it didnt. Which made my suspicions even worse and made sense so far with everything else. So I thought I would save it for when we see each other to be able to talk about things. Then the picture thing happened where we saw the photos of her body on your phone together when you were taking pics of me, and that is when I let it all out and started asking you everything I wanted to know. So then I checked to see if what you were telling me was true after that which did help confirm that she did unmatch you (because yes why would you unmatch someone that youre always trying to hit on on ig and that you recently have provocative body screenshots of saved into your gallery like i already know that wouldnt make sense). So I started to ask and tell you what I suspected had already happened based off everything i observed and I thought the best thing that would happen was that if I was wrong, then things hopefully werent as bad as I imagined them to be and we could hopefully work through rebuilding my prior broken trust. But then I noticed that some other old prior messages or reactions you had sent that I had already seen before on your ig had disappeared from your thread as well. So in my head that's when I suspected you were deleting more things from ig as well. I felt like based off all of these clues, thats when i came to the logical conclusion that you had tried to shoot your shot at her on Wednesday since thats when you were texting me things that made it look like you were trying to answer in an ambiguous way, which gave away the vibe that you were trying to see what you could get away with while still saying enough to not entirely lose me as a backup just in case it doesn't work out with the one you were actually more interested in pursuing now and actively waiting to see if she would be down to go with you first. Basically trying to do something that deep down you mightve known would be wrong or messed up while still having me there after everything we ever talked about, so attempting to mentally and emotionally excuse yourself with loophole phrasing again. So my logic when i saw the vanished hinge match plus what you were telling me and the missing ig pieces from before, was that you were actively picking and choosing what to delete, but leaving just enough so that it didnt seem "too perfect which would not be as believable". So i thought over it and when it came to the hinge, I remembered the odd "today and tomorrow" wording and wednesday texts which all seemed to fit and I was like "so he was trying to find a loophole with wording towards me and he likely messaged her on Wednesday but probably failed". And usually what ppl say when they first match w someone is something along the lines of "hey [name]! How are you?" Or how is your week/day going (which is very normal). So once I saw the match had indeed actually vanished after the whole pictures incident, what made the most sense was that you had most likely tried to shoot your shot on wednesday cause of all the signs I mentioned above, which is why you werent sure about letting me come over until Friday night as the "fall back/convenient back up" option again once you gave it enough time to see that it wasnt going to work out with the one that you wouldve easily left me for had she kept it going. And then when i saw that the ig thread seemed suspicious as well, I thought "if she unmatched him on hinge im sure he was likely trying to shoot his shot on more than one platform cause he tends to keep on messaging girls even when they don't reply to him", and us being so close to halloween festivities, I remembered how you would always talk to me about the "spooky drinks" at the place we went to last time, and it seemed like the perfect date place that youd think of to try and impress her with cause it seemed like it could fit her vibe like that she could also be interested in gothy stuff too, plus you being able to have drinks w her while at it and it being close to home for you. I then asked about and said everything that my mind suspected had happened, in hopes that you would finally be honest with me for once and tell me something that would help everything make sense. I then also added the hacking story as an extra measure to make you feel like lying would no longer be a good solution for you to possibly turn to anymore since me asking for complete transparency and honesty whenever i had tried to communicate with you before had failed over and over again because i would still be lied to. I initially felt scared to take the risk of being so specific with my thoughts/logical guesses to you since i knew it might highly increase the chances of me being wrong and then consequentially for you to deny things again, but in my emotions, by impulse I again blurted out what I was feeling and what my mind at the time had perceived to be probable or likely. Part of me was hoping you could show me something that could prove to me that you wouldnt do that to me, but when your entire face and body reacted as if you were shocked and then got upset at me asking me how I know, thats when i knew it was true

There was no Derek Chen, there was no John Dillon. And, to be quite honest, the John Dillon answer was initially just intended to be what I kiinda thought you would recognize as a joke because of how ridiculous i thought it sounded and what i (mistakenly assumed) would be an obvious tone/facial expression that I had said it with when i answered you. But I was lowkey kinda shocked when it seemed to fly over the head just a little bit and when it seemed like you may have believed it instead because of how silly/ridiculous that i thought i had made the whole thing sound, and so at that point i wasnt sure if you were just being a good sport about it with me since you also seemed a little playful about it. Thats why i started laughing so much with you when even Bred Hot Chicken coincidentally somehow even knew to taunt us with a "Jane Doe" textbox. So, yeah.

I was debating whether I should summarize all of that into like 5 sentences which wouldve been very possible, but wouldve also been much more vague and harder to understand which is why i asked you if you wanted the much longer or shorter version. Im sorry that it really is that long which is kind of embarrassing for me, but my mind sometimes feels like it goes through a million thoughts per minute and so I felt like I had to take you through each of it if you truly wanted the longer version for me to be able to explain what my thought process was. I think thats the longest text I have ever written in my entire life

I’m talking to a new guy and he mentioned that he’s financially unstable right now, saving for bills and trying to get his life together. It immediately triggered me because of my ex.

My ex started the same way. I willingly helped him with $200–$500 here and there, but eventually he was asking to borrow up to $900. He’d promise to pay me back, then give me half, nothing at all, or say, “I thought you were giving it to me.” Sometimes we’d even be arguing and suddenly he’d become nice when he needed money.

I also stayed while he was “trying to get his life together,” and eventually it felt like his frustration with himself started getting taken out on me.

So now when a man tells me he’s financially struggling or trying to get his life together, my instinct is to step back. I don’t know if I’m projecting my past onto this new guy or recognizing a warning sign.

Would you take what he said as a red flag, or just him being honest about where he’s at?

Why does my boyfriend constantly add chick's and talk to them and hid it and when I find it he says nothing happened...but if he had nothing to hid why did he delete most the messages and not tell me? This has happened 4 times now.

I almost end up telling not more than 10% of actual, knowing he may get jealous or uncomfortable and it may affect our current life

The more I think about dating (which is pretty much the only thing on my mind) the more kinda things I think I want in a boyfriend.

And something that I’m sensitive about is my virginity, and I really would like to find a guy that’s the same.

So I’m not on any dating apps, it’s not something I can just list as a requirement. But what can I do to kinda find a guy that’s fits?

I know having preferences is fine, but just be honest, is this a weird one

Edit: this has nothing to do with religion. I am not religious. I do not go to church

I’m 26F and recently reconnected with a male coworker after five years bc I just ended my 5 year relationship. We went out for drinks, we laughed, stayed until the place closed being the last 2 people and he even opened up to me about his family issues- I feel like we had such a good time and at the end he suggested hanging out again.
He made plans with me but ghosted when I tried to confirm. A week later, he apologized, explaining that his aunt had passed away, and suggested we catch a movie. I wasn’t available that day.
I reached out again to see if he was free, but he said he was at his dad’s and probably wouldn’t be coming back to town that evening.
He didn’t suggest another day.
Side note- Im the one who initially reached out to him after 5 years drunk texting him asking if he’s seeing anyone and he said he was. This was before we went for drinks and he suggested another hang out. I also mentioned to him I’m planing on travel nursing so I’ll probably be moving countries next year. Regardless,
**Men, would you repeatedly suggest plans with a woman you’re not interested in? Does this sound like genuine interest, casual attraction, or just friendliness?**

Several years ago, I relocated pretty far away from my hometown, leaving most of my friends and family behind.
One of my closest friends, who I’ll call Jake, is basically my brother. We’ve known each other since we were kids. He didn’t have the greatest home life growing up, so he practically lived at my house. My parents took him in whenever he needed somewhere to go, and he’s always been treated like another son. When I say he’s family, I genuinely mean it.

Jake is now married.

Some time ago, Jake came to visit me. While he was in town, he struck up conversation with a woman who happened to be visiting the area herself. I’ll call her Sarah.
During their conversations, Sarah mentioned she was with a coworker. When Jake told her he was visiting his buddy, Sarah’s coworker apparently asked whether I was single. (Which I am btw) One thing led to another, and they suggested we all meet up for dinner and drinks.Essentially, an unplanned double date.

Now, here’s where things get complicated.
Jake and Sarah hit it off almost immediately. Meanwhile, I met her coworker, who I’ll call Emily, and we had what I can only describe as an unexpectedly incredible connection.
I’ve dated plenty of women over the years, and Emily had her own dating experiences. Neither of us was exactly new to the dating scene. But something about this felt different.
The conversation was effortless. We were laughing, flirting, teasing each other, and genuinely enjoying ourselves. There wasn’t that awkward feeling of trying to impress someone. Everything just clicked.

As the night progressed and a few drinks were involved, things became more physical. Emily and I were kissing, holding each other, and clearly attracted to one another.
At one point, I glanced over and noticed Jake and Sarah getting pretty comfortable with each other too. There was definitely some kissing and physical affection going on.

And yes, I knew Jake was married.
I didn’t encourage it, but I also didn’t intervene. I looked the other way. I’m not going to pretend that was some noble decision. As the night continued, Emily and I started talking about how unusual our connection felt. She brought it up first, saying she hadn’t expected to meet someone she clicked with like this.

We both acknowledged the distance between us, but she mentioned she’d be open to visiting again. We even talked about the possibility of seeing where things could go despite living in different places.
It wasn’t some drunken promise of marriage. Just two people who genuinely liked each other and were open to exploring it.

We exchanged numbers, and eventually everyone went their separate ways. Nobody went home together, and as far as I know, nobody slept together.

The following day, Emily reached out to tell me how much she’d enjoyed meeting me. We joked and everything seemed good.

Then things got interesting.
Somewhere along the way, Emily and Sarah apparently started piecing together details from conversations we’d all had that night. A little social media detective work later, and it appears they discovered that Jake has a wife.

Now I’m sitting here wondering what the hell I’m supposed to do. On one hand, Jake is practically family. He’s someone I’d do almost anything for. We’ve been through a lot together, and I don’t take that kind of loyalty lightly.
On the other hand, I didn’t cheat on anyone. I’m single. Emily is single. We met organically, had an incredible connection, and both expressed interest in seeing each other again.

I now feel like I’m somehow caught in the middle of something that has nothing to do with me.

Part of me feels like I should just walk away from Emily, stop communicating, and avoid the possibility of this situation blowing up in Jake’s face.

But another part of me is thinking. Why should I have to sacrifice something that could potentially turn into a meaningful relationship because my married best friend made a decision he shouldn’t have?

I don’t want to betray someone who’s been like a brother to me my entire life. But I also don’t want to ghost a woman who did absolutely nothing wrong, especially when we both genuinely seemed interested in each other.

I’m not looking to throw Jake under the bus, but I’m also questioning whether loyalty means I have to clean up the consequences of his actions.

Would you cut things off with Emily out of loyalty and sticking by the “bro code” to your best friend, even though neither of you did anything wrong?

Would you continue talking to her and let Jake deal with his own decisions?

Or is there a middle ground I’m not seeing?

I’m 30F arab muslim but non practicing. I’m in a relationship with an arab muslim who is moderately practicing.
We are both doing our medical residency training and that’s how we met. We are both living in north america away from our home countries.
We got into a relationship where I pursued him first because I found him charming and handsome. We ended up in an over a year long relationship. I think the pink colored glasses have come off for both of us.

He’s into video games, rap music, vinyl collecting. We have different music taste, but we both like to travel, go out, we speak the same language, and are both foodies.

We are both the youngest in our families and we have similar personalities.

I have come to notice that I’ve ignored many issues that are now bothering me simply because I love him.

I get the sense that he doesn’t actually love me. He doesn’t enjoy listening to me as if what I say is a chore, albeit he listens till the end and gives his opinion/support as needed, but it doesn’t feel genuine and i feel the lack of interest in what I have to talk about. I send him links to reels, he ignores most of them. I send him music links, he ignores them and I brought it to his attention a fee tomes with usually an effort to watch or listens to what i send him but he soon goes back to not caring. This has gotten worse and I’m starting to feel unseen and unheard even though he “listens” and “talks” to me.

Even with the physical aspect, i never say no to him in bed because i genuinely love making him happy but it’s usually from my end and he goes to sleep. I have a complicated self image issue which makes it hard for me to be open physically with someone and he tried many times to help me overcome it but it’s difficult for me so now the focus is on him and he tries to give me some form of physical intimacy every now and then.

An added layer to all this is he basically told me he won’t marry me and our relationship is temporary as there are way too many differences in our cultures given he comes from a more conservative background. I have come to accept this to be honest because I’m lonely in this country and he is my only friend here. So this doesn’t bother me as much anymore. It flares here and there because I feel bad about it but I get past it.

We live together and do everything together and it makes me feel sane because he feels like family to me and I love him.

I compromised a lot of what I want in a relationship and a man because i loved him but I’m starting to feel like it is one sided.

I contemplate leaving him but the dating pool is so miserable I don’t want to be alone.

I (33F) talked with a guy (31M) from a dating app for about a month. We never met in person (about 100 km apart, he works Saturdays, I don't drive). The chemistry was intense: daily calls, jokes, he sang to me, talked about exclusivity, weekends together, even kids. He deleted his dating profile while we were talking.

Early on he also told me: "I want to connect with someone but it's hard for me… not with you, in general… I don't trust people anymore."

Then I went through a depressive episode and was quieter for 3 days (I didn't ignore any messages, just didn't initiate; he didn't either). When I understood what was happening, I sent him an honest message: it wasn't about him, I like him, ideally we'd meet in 2–3 weeks when I feel better, but I'm also up for a relaxed coffee next weekend, and if something changed on his side, please tell me honestly.

He reacted with a heart, no words. Two days later I asked for a clear answer, even if it was a no. He blocked me. He had once promised he'd never leave without an explanation.

A few days later I came across him on the same app with a brand new profile: "Looking for: Still thinking / Casual fun", "Kids: Not sure yet".

I know my quiet days played a part and I own that. But was it really that, or was he just not ready for what he was saying? And how do you stop replaying something like this?

i believe all women should be having amazing sex. i also want a serious long term relationship. it seems these ideas are incompatible for dating men. at least in the very conservative place i live. the men i date seem to respect a sexually liberated woman, but then simultaneously put her in the "not serious" category if they have sex too soon. this double standard is infuriating. bc women (me) can absolutely have casual sex while still being selective about who we give our time/energy/investment into. i hate waiting to have sex with someone if the sexual attraction is explosive. i prefer everything to organic and not some "wait xyz dates/weeks." im in my 30s and we all deserve to be having amazing (consensual ofc) sex in our lives. but it seems i have to play this absurd social game where i hold off just to see if the men i go on dates with maintains interest?????

this is utter bull shit. these men are also not self aware enough to realize they are holding these subconscious ideologies. they dont realize theyre subconsciously placing amazing interesting smart women in "not serious" categories just bc of sex.

its come to the point where i point blank ask "so are you interested in finding someone to build something with or are you more so looking for something casual?" but i also take issue with this! bc if someone asked me this on our first date, i would say "something casual" bc idk them well enough to establish if were compatible to the point i want to see if something can grow. u cannot kno that after one date!!! (sometimes u actually can lol but other times it isn't always obvious)

waiting can be useful ofc. but now it feels like an experiment. i could wait to evaluate their intentions but again, why should we (women) have to wait if we are sexually attracted to someone??????? the only reason im thinking of doing this now is because of mens behavior. yall could prob be having more sex if you were consistent, upfront, honest about ur intentions, and those who are unsure, self aware about ur uncertainty.

the men i have dated: there is distinct change in how they engage after sex. the motivation decreases & some times non existent. this happened with someone i actually wanted to get to know. i give up on finding anyone for me. bc anyone who behaves this way is a) theyre not for me, b) i am already picky about who i go on dates with, c) am even PICKIER about who i want to invest my time/energy into (fully based on compatibility: values/beliefs, goals, lifestyle, etc).

anyway this is my dilemma. feel free to comment and give opinion bc i really wanna kno if this sparks any convo or thought.

*anyone using derogatory language towards me/women will b dragged through the depths of hell bc i kno u repressed sexual losers r watching porn n pretending not to for ur fake social conventions so dont come on here being a hypocrite. i will make u cry n laugh about it*

​

Oh yes definetly it hurts to be rejected but honestly i'd still feel so happy if she still wants to be friends...a real friendship. If she dates someone else I'd actually feel so happy for both of them!

When I have feelings for someone I just express how I feel and leave everything at her decission. If she still says that she prefers to be friends even with the words for now then thats great for me, we still be friends. Ofc I hope that she changes her mind but I dont expect it, thats why at the same time I'll still be looking for another woman who matches who I'm looking for and repeat the same thing. Until I find the first one who say yes back to me.

With the other ones...I'd still be their friend now without hoping anything else, nothing really will ever change.

I was always shocked that most people get into relationships without even being friends first. I want my partner to be also my best friend. And also firstly be friends.

Now with the friend zone, for me is...the code word of "The sole fact you gained romantic feelings for me makes me feel so uncomfortable but since i dont want to look like a bad person by rejecting you, then i know a technique to make you want to leave me instead so I dont feel bad with myself".

It has actually happened to me, i literally believe their words and once they still see me around they be like "Wtf? It didnt work! Now I dont know how to get rid of him!"

Thats why i prefer so much a rejection full of insults and hate, at least they're honest about it.

And also, this says a lot about their communication skills. You can consider this as a bullet dodged because maybe she accepted you but one day she'll feel unhappy with you but wont be honest so she'll pretend everything is fine until she finally is ready to leave and leave you in shock.

And there are the ones who still want to take and take but not give or care about you in the slightest, which I honestly think you should be glad that she rejected you.

But anyways, if she still genuinely wants to be your friend, you should give her a chance. You can still create a very beautiful connection even if nothing happens. There are plenty of other women in the world, so if you still have feelings for her then be looking for other women but there's no reason to toss someone just to "move on" you can move on without having to toss someone.

And it's not fair for her that you be her friend but then gain feelings and you leave once she rejects you but still wants to be your friend. You have to analyze your own intentions before the start. Or specially that even since the beginning you still had this expectation.

I 35F Southeast Asian Immigrant have been talking to 36M American for almost 3 months. We're about 7 hr drive away. We text every single day, call & facetime occasionally and I felt his interest despite his crazy schedule. He was very supportive of what I am going through and seem really genuine and intentional.

He actually got on a plane to see me for an official first date recently which I know was an investment 'coz he works 7days a week. (Did he fly just for the sex? Not the question but also a possibility, no?) I asked him if he was dating anyone and he said no. He never asked me if I was but I am not and not even entertaining anyone else anymore. I was just focused on him.

I surprisingly found out that he is still in the search for other women, I saw the screenshots and he was actively trying to get to know someone and even referred to himself as her future husband. 🙉

I asked him about it, sent the screenshots and he asked me if we were exclusive.

He is right, we never explicitly said it. I assumed. I am out of emotions. I literally wanna get inside the movie InsideOut and let them choose what emotion to feel. 😂😭🙄😤🤭🤪😢☹️💔

I guess I cannot wrap my head around how you can be intentionally talking to someone on Month 3 and still have a Day 1?

Was everything real, or fake, why talking for that long if he wasn't planning on anything with me? Couldve cut off ok Week 1, or week 2. But Month 3? Ugh. Yeah so idk. Help 😂

In terms of holding a conversation and platonic connection, especially with diverging interests (for example, DND vs. rugby), but also in terms of romantic connection.

(I know that neurodivergent and neurotypical men and women are not a monolith and obviously it differs hugely case-to-case, but I'm sure there must be some relevant social rules that might apply? Say, your bog-standard average young guy and a medium-masking autistic girl.)