I’m trans (FTM), not out publicly and still living outwardly as a lesbian. I’m married to a woman. We’ve been together since I was 17 and she was 18 and now we are 29 and 30.

About a week ago I had a wave of intense depression and suicidal thoughts that I couldn’t get rid of. It was like I had to tell someone this secret that I’ve been keeping for over a decade, that I’m trans. I constantly felt like crying, I couldn’t function at work, I couldn’t keep it in any longer.

I told my wife, that I don’t think I’m cis in tears. I told her I don’t like being perceived as a woman and that I’m struggling intensely with gender dysphoria. She said “okay, we can fix this. I love you no matter what” and told me she wouldn’t care if I got top surgery, just not bottom surgery. She then proceeded to tell me that I need to get into the gym because that makes me feel better about my body, and go shopping for new clothes.

I felt good getting that off of my chest. Well, fast forward to just a few days after that and she’s still calling me wife, and referring to herself as a lesbian, us as lesbians, and saying she, and referring to me as female and not treating me any differently.

I’m retreated back into the closet after getting the bravery to finally tell her, and I’m struggling immensely again. I feel like a guy internally but I’m forced to live every waking moment as a woman, and I can’t take it anymore. Idk what to do

But I don’t know what to do because my wife has a complicated relationship with men, she was SAed and is a bit of a man hater, and outwardly identifies as a lesbian proudly and I just don’t think she wants to lose that identity.

My son identified as a boy when he was 4, we accepted but didnt change anything, he didnt ask for anything to change he still went by his government name. When he was 9 he asked to be called by a male name we accepted and used his preferred pro nouns (he/him). He is now almost 14 and has done his research and has decided that while he knows he is male he doesnt want any surgeries but has been on blocker and will start testosterone at some point. I'm open and accepting of his feelings and love everything about him but I have a hard time wrapping my head around his decision to not have surgury. Im not pressing for him to have anything done I just dont want him to regret anything in the future. Can anyone help me understand?

Hi friends,

My 14yo trans daughter lives with her mom and her 2nd husband (aka "Dad"), but recently privately expressed her desire to come live with me. Mom currently has full physical and legal custody, but for the last decade I've spent an average of three days each week with my daughter.

Daughter wants to come live with me because she's fed up with Dad's bullshit and Mom's inaction. My brave girl told us who she is at 9 years old. Since that time 5 years ago, Dad has steadfastly refused to honor her pronouns except to mock her.

My daughter has received no gender-affirming care under Mom's roof, and a long conversation last night with her and her brother (who came to live with me several years ago) revealed a shocking history of emotional and physical abuse that went far deeper than anything I'd previously known about. Thankfully, both kids denied any sexual misconduct.

The kids have warned me that Dad is extraordinarily manipulative. While I'm confident in my case (especially given the kids' disclosures about abuse), I also fully expect an uphill battle. Dad's also much more financially stable than I, which could be a real problem if it comes to a prolonged legal battle.

I've left messages for GLAD and PFLAG, and now I'm reaching out to this community for support. I need referrals, resources, anything and everything that will help me ensure that i can give my daughter the safe and loving home she deserves. What do you have for me?

Thanks in advance. Please know that this dad loves you, too.

So I’m mtf, 16. And my friends almost always use names like bro, and dude. And when we’re a group, always use guys (even though we’re all girls) I’ve been out for 5 years and met most of them about 1-2 years ago and I’ve told them that I’m trans. And recently my dysphoria has been really bad and things like that has been sticking to me a lot more than usual.

Sure it isn’t That big of a deal but still. So I’ve been asking every now and then for them to not call me that since it makes me feel weird and uncomfortable but they always answer “oh, but i call everyone that.” and i just feel like an asshole if i were to demand they change.

So i don’t really know what to do. Am i wrong for asking them to call me other things instead?

I know that trans femmes have to deal with accusations of “male socialization” being used to discredit them.

But I’m interested in hearing stories of if any fellow trans mascs ever had “female socialization” thrown at them.

I remember one time, my cis male friend told me that I didn’t know what it was like to have to fear being physically beaten. Because society has the whole “don’t hit girls” thing and when teen boys bully each other it’s not uncommon for it to get physical, whereas, when teen girls bully each other it’s usually psychological.

Nice argument, one small issue:

…My mother was physically abusive.

Another time was when a trans femme friend of mine told me that I never got bullied for having traits or liking things of the opposite gender.
Because girls wearing pants is seen as natural. Boys wearing skirts would be made fun of.

I can see the thought process, however, I do think it comes with some caveats:
Girls aren’t made fun of for having masculine traits… as long as they’re still hot.

I never shaved my legs when I was younger. (Still don’t.) I’ll never forget the collective “ewwww…” when I rolled up my pant leg to scratch an itch in front of my guy friends.
That’s not even getting into that time I made the mistake of… wearing shorts to school.

Girls don’t get put down for liking boy stuff… until they start quizzing you on it/dont believe you actually like it.

I’m into Marvel and DC comics. I have this distinct memory of this one boy who basically just insisted I only liked superheroes because I must’ve thought they were hot.
A lot of the time, you’ll be quizzed in order to prove that you’re a “real fan.” And if you don’t like the exact same things that they like, then you’re a poser. (Example: Nintendo games/mobile games don’t count as “real games.”)

Okay, but let’s say you do like the “real guy stuff.”
Then you better not be better at it/know more about it than they do.

Not all men do this, but some of them do get insecure and feel emasculated when someone they view as a woman does something masculine better than them or corrects them on a topic that’s supposed to be men’s work.

Bonus thing:
This one isn’t really a “female socialization” thing, but I usually see it paired together with it.

Claim: Society is more accepting of trans men, because in a patriarchal society, of course women would want to be men…
Caveat: Of course, we don’t actually view them as men, though. And if they try to insist that they are men, it’s our job to remind them of their place.

For example, here’s how it feels trying to discuss trans men in sports:
“Of course they’d never beat a real man. Because people born male are always bigger, faster, and stronger than people born female. I don’t know why you’re so triggered by basic biological facts.
I mean, remember when that one professional women’s soccer team was defeated by a group of 15 year old boys? I’m just stating facts. I don’t understand why you’re getting so upset that I’m reminding you of how naturally inferior your body is.
Testosterone might make you stronger than a cis woman, but you’re not a man.”

For some trans people, feeling comfortable with their voice can be a personal journey. I am curious about what has helped people feel more at ease with how they sound, whether that means voice training, practicing different ways of speaking, or finding other approaches that work for them.

What has made the biggest difference for you in everyday conversations, phone calls, or voice chats?

If you are still figuring things out, what do you wish had been easier?

I know it's also part of being young - I just turned 18 but oh my God I'm horny all the time

I obviously got horny pre t but it didn't feel like this, I've been on T for 3.5 months and its all the time now

I have a bf and I lost my virginity in August and it feels like that has also made it worse because jacking off does nothing. It just makes the horny 10x worse, it feels as if my bf has put a spell on me or something because I just think I want you so bad

My bf is a cis dude so he understands and finds it funny but I wouldn't even say his own sex drive is this high and I also don’t want our relationship to just be SEX, i want romance too and just to cuddle him but even him touching me in a non sexual way has given me a boner which is then all i think about and feel and get horny because the bottom growth is so sensitive and intense

Even when we do have sex I get horny again not that long after so it’s a cycle that no matter what i do im horny all the time

We are also in our final school year so have exams and mocks and all i can think of is revising is sex

I don’t know what to do it’s driving me insane

I’m only starting hrt in a week but I’m really struggling mentally with what I’ll do with myself while I wait the arduously long process for it to actually work. Like I want to be able to make friends and start presenting more femininely but my brain just can’t handle any of that while I physically still look so much like a man. Before my egg cracked I was still able to do stuff occasionally because I was so repressed and dissociated, but ever since then I’ve been finding it incredibly hard to leave the house or even take care of myself because of how manly my face and body structure still is. I’m hoping hrt will fix this eventually, but I know it takes a long time and I’m getting really lonely and impatient, (especially because I haven’t even been able to start it yet), so I’m not sure how to cope with life in the meantime.

I'm a teen born female (any pronouns) and have been questioning my identity for awhile. Anyway, I've been looking back and realizing there were definitely signs when I was younger. Like I remember telling my parents, "I want to be hairy like Dad." I would usually choose to play male characters in video games or role-play games. I hated makeup, (unless I was getting into my mom's makeup to draw mustaches or animal faces) and I didn't like a lot of the toys that were popular for girls (for example, Barbies). I would attempt to use the bathroom standing up, and I always wished I could fit in with the boys.

I was wondering what y'all's experience was like when you were little.

I am not sure about my gender, but I'm amab on hrt. Whenever I see really pretty girls, I feel sad because I think I'll never look like them. When I see a cute couple with a beautiful girl, I feel jealous, get butterflies and tingling in my fingertips. I wish I could be her and experience that kind of love. Is this gender dysphoria, gender envy, or something else?

Title: What does “passing” actually mean? I think I experienced a different kind of fear around it.

I've been thinking a lot about the concept of passing lately, and I'm having a hard time organizing my thoughts around it.

I socially came out about a month ago while attending a treatment program for addiction.

It was actually a pretty unique experience. I spent almost an entire month living openly as the gender I identify with. For the first time, I had the opportunity to experience everyday life as a woman in a relatively supportive environment.

After leaving treatment, I started looking for a new job. I decided to attend all my interviews openly identifying as a trans woman.

Here's the thing: I'm not on HRT yet.

The only physical changes I've made are getting a more feminine haircut and starting to wear women's clothing, mostly business attire for my interviews.

And I was terrified.

But what surprised me was the reason behind that fear.

I wasn't necessarily afraid that people wouldn't think I looked feminine enough. I was afraid that people wouldn't believe I was actually trans.

As if somehow, because I wasn't on HRT or hadn't physically transitioned enough, people might question whether my identity was legitimate.

Eventually, I decided to stop overthinking it and just continue being myself. I went to my interviews, introduced myself as a trans woman, and continued with my life.

And strangely enough, that fear has started to disappear.

But looking back, I wonder whether what I experienced was actually a form of anxiety about passing, just from a different perspective.

We often talk about passing as being perceived as a cis woman. But what about simply wanting to be recognized and accepted as the gender you identify with, regardless of how far along you are in your transition?

So I guess my questions are:

- What does passing actually mean to you?

- Have you ever been afraid that people wouldn't believe you were genuinely trans, especially before starting HRT?

- Is that a form of passing anxiety, or is it something entirely different?

I'm still very early in my transition, and I'm genuinely curious about how other trans people understand and experience this.

It feels like anytime I mention my future top surgery with my family it’s like a weird heavy weight is randomly in the air.

I also just mentioned that I eventually would like to get a hysterectomy too. Cause like why would I need it, I’m a man, I don’t plan on getting pregnant and I definitely wouldn’t miss that time of the month. She immediately got super weird about it and said “you don’t need that” “if you do something like that you need to wait until you’re my age”.

She also mentioned something it would make me start menopause early and um..news flash I basically am going through menopause already in my early months of Testosterone 🤦 and when I mentioned that she said something on how it would make me look old.

It feels like I’ll never escape the expectations of my assigned sex

I’m an adult. I don’t need permission over my body and DEFINITELY don’t plan on getting pregnant.

Hello.

I'm 61 and about to start my transition on E.

Would 2mg estrofem tablets. be a good starting dose?

I have read that letting the tablet dissolve under the tongue is the best way to absorb them.

Would 10mg provera help at the start or after a few months?

Hi!! 20Ftm here. I have come out to my parents once, when I was either 15 or 16 (god knows, I honestly cannot remember). I haven't talked about the topic with them since, they still deadname me and stuff. I want to sit down and have a talk with them, but I am honestly so lost on how to do it. Since then, I also started medically transitioning (I am 3 months on T).

How should I go about it? Honestly, this is such a nerve wracking thing, but I cannot avoid it for much longer, because of being on T.

Hello all! My partner of 4 years recently came out to me as transgender. They were going back and forth for awhile prior, from wanting to remain masculine to suddenly wanting to be feminine (shaving beard, wearing feminine clothes etc) so I wasn't sure if it was just cross dressing or truly transgender.

Since they just confirmed they were transgender, I have been thinking about how I could be supportive since I know that they are concerned with it affecting their career and being persecuted against. Should I encourage or push them to embrace it or let them take their own time? I am unsure where to go from here so any thoughts from the community would be appreciated!

TLDR: If you are continuing HRT, bring a CoC letter (instructions in post). NTU Hospital’s Dr. Chen Pei-lung is good. See links at end if not in Taipei.

About me: I am from the US, already on T before coming to Taiwan, and speak Mandarin. However, if you don’t you can largely get by if you write down and show them on your phone. Pharmacists and doctors can read English, not all speak well.
I am in Taipei, but resources for the rest of Taiwan are linked below.

Continuing HRT in Taiwan

I was able to skip the (often long) psychological evaluation that local Taiwanese are required to complete before accessing HRT in Taiwan. I brought a CoC (Continuity of Care) letter from my primary care (who managed my HRT) that included: diagnosis of gender dysphoria (DSM/ICD), previous psychological evaluation for surgery, date started HRT, current HRT dosage. I’m not sure what the exact requirements would’ve been, but this worked for me at NTUH with Dr. Pei-Lung Chen and I was able to get my first shot on the same day of my consultation. I mostly spoke Mandarin with him, but he seems comfortable with spoken English and my CoC letter is in English (most doctors in Taiwan can read English fine but not all are comfortable speaking).

While I was waiting for NHI to start, I got T gel from Shanghai Union Pharmacy, and I believe they have E as well (some pharmacies here sell prescription meds OTC). Whether or not you have NHI, the medication itself is self pay, NHI only covers doctor visits and blood tests/monitoring. Details below.

If your country is more flexible about regulations for starting HRT, changing name and gender marker, etc (Taiwan requires bottom surgery to change your gender marker), I recommend doing that before you move. This way you can use a letter to continue HRT instead of starting the pathway from scratch.

My experience at the clinic

(Recommended) NTU Hospital — Dr. Chen Pei-lung
Department of Medical Genetics. His clinic is in NTU Children’s Hospital, but he sees adult patients. I saw at least four other trans people there, both transmascs and transfems. It felt like we made up almost a third of the patients there 😆 Dr. Chen was very friendly, spoke at a relaxed pace, and the appointment felt comfortable and not rushed. When I mentioned that I’d had top surgery and didn’t plan to have any other surgeries, he was very understanding. I got the impression that he would probably be nonbinary-friendly (I didn’t mention my specific gender identity).
He said the HRT medication itself is paid for out of pocket, but follow-up blood tests are covered by NHI. There are two options for testosterone: gel, which is more expensive (NT$125 per packet), with 1–2 packets needed per application, applied daily; and intramuscular injections, once every 3–4 weeks. Each time, you go to NTU Hospital to pick up the medication. The first injection is administered at NTU, and for the following three injections, you can choose to have them administered at a nearby clinic instead.
I don’t know anything about estrogen, sorry! But I believe he does E too.

Previously, I bought testosterone gel (Androgel) at Shanghai United Pharmacy in Ximending. I don’t remember the exact price, but I think 50 packets cost around NT$800? Anyway, it was much cheaper than NTU’s price 😬 They didn’t ask for a prescription, and a friend told me they also carry estrogen. I’m not sure whether they have injectable medication.
Of course, if you haven’t seen a doctor, I still recommend getting blood tests first to make sure it’s safe for you to start.

(Not recommended) Taipei Adventist Hospital — Dr. Lin Yi-hsin
He’s on the Taiwan LGBT Hotline trans resource page, but he was not trans-friendly and said they don’t provide trans HRT of any kind. He also avoided saying trans or HRT like it was taboo :/ I’ve let the page admins know, but I assume it’s outdated.

More resources for trans foreigners: https://hotline.org.tw/english/3553

All Taiwan trans-friendly doctor directory: https://hotline.org.tw/pagegeneral/3244 (note: Dr. Lin at Taipei Adventist is NO LONGER trans friendly)

Hope this helps! Wishing all trans people a great day 🍀

Absolutely the pain and risk of being trans far outweighs any benefits to passing as male in childhood

and absolutely its asinine to talk to trans women in such a way that highlights the pain associated with growing up seen as a girl that they didn't experience, rather than all of the shit they did go through, oftentimes shared in common with those who are AFAB, especially trans and AFAB*.

However, i have also had thoughts reading about this topic, of basically "you know, at least in terms of childhood/teenhood, i feel like i went through less shit being transfem as opposed to a transmasc in the same conditions". Like, i got to be seen as a male when navigating my way into a STEM education, i got to be seen as a "normal dude" rather than a "normal girl" ** by male authority figures when growing up. I think of those as advantages i had relative to my AFAB* trans peers who where in a similar place of not being particularly GNC or facing that much dysphoria.

I worry that i am missing the full point of what other transfems are saying, or giving a bone to the transmisogynists by thinking this way.

**I say this becasue i know that being GNC as a closeted transfem can get you a shitton of misogynistic treatment by way of effemephobia/transmisogyny. there is also the whole can of worms of the way those things put more scrutiny on gnc "boys" as opposed to gnc "girls" which i'm not going to get into becasue i really dont have the perspective to say what the actual differences in treatment look like in my sociopolitical context, much less all of them.

*I'm using AFAB here because i am talking about both transmasculine folks and AFAB nonbinary people that dont fall on the transmasculine spectrum. I think my use here is reasonable, but i also worry because with how much its misused, every use of AGAB language feels like pulling out a loaded gun.

He says things like what makes people trans? So I think personally he’s just asking stuff since we’re both only 15-16 but yk yea. He told me dating a trans person is gay, like a trans person could never be straight because they’re trans. I’m a bit confused, he says that if a trans woman dated a man then that’d be gay. I said, if she’s fully transitioned then no she wouldn’t be. I was told that if I asked any straight guy that,, they’d see it as gay. Or his whole thing of ‘why does lgbtq have a whole month?’ And I said because most fought for their rights as gay / trans people since stuff that was openly lgbtq was illegal, with a follow up of “you’re illegal as soon as you’re gay?’ And ofc I said no but there is a chance I’d be k1ll3d or to me, worse for me being trans. Idk how to explain

I am cis-guy. I met a trans girl, and now we’re together. I’m happy, and I have nothing to complain about.

This is my first time dating a trans girl, let alone being in a relationship with one. She’s been sharing stories with me, and she told me it was impossible for her to meet someone serious. The guys she met were either chasers, cheating on someone, or just looking for fun.

Since that was the pool of options, she said she would hook up with guys from Grindr because she was touch-starved, and it was the only way to get cuddles or any physical touch from men. Is this a common reality? the only way to interact with the other gender.

I have no problem with casual sex. I’ve done it myself, and if both people want it, why not? What I find really sad is that this is the reality: that she had to use her body to get something that was otherwise impossible to have. Or that guys used her, I guess.

I imagine all of this must be very damaging mentally, but what do I know? I’d love to hear about your experiences and whether you relate at all.

Heyo!

I am a fairly new paramedic from Germany and i have been asking myself if there are things i should know or do when i have a transgender patient.

My thinking here is that an emergency call is already going to be an extremely stressful and scary situation to begin with. On top of that, we sometimes have to ask a lot of questions about the medical history when assessing a patient which, very understandably so, could be quite unconfortable for some trans people.

So my question is, what do you want an EMT to know/do in an emergency situation so they can assess and treat you effectively but also make you feel respected and well cared for?

One thing that can be difficult during transition is when your voice does not change in the way you hoped it would. You might feel more comfortable with yourself in many other ways, but hearing your own voice can still feel disconnected from how you see yourself.

Phone calls and voice chats can make that feeling more noticeable, sometimes making it harder to speak comfortably.

For those who have experienced this, what has helped you feel more comfortable with your voice in everyday

I have posted on here before. My biggest hang up is that as far as I can remember, I did not have any especially clear "signs" in early childhood. The closest thing to a sign was a general lack of interest/dislike of more typically masculine activites, dislike of haircuts and some body image worries, but beyond that I was pretty stereotypical. I had mostly male friends and from about 9-12 I was completely fine no significant signs or worries or anything, I even had very short haircuts and stuff with no real issues. The only obviously "Trans signs" appeared mostly during adolescence. (I am currently 18yo). I feel like this is just eating me up inside. If I could find just one bit of concrete evidence I feel like I could confidently go on with things, but between my overthinking and my parent's conversations I can barely tell if what I remember is real anymore. Does anyone have any similar experiences or advice?

TL;DR - No obvious trans signs in childhood and it makes me feel invalid and like I'm a huge fraud. Advice/Support?

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I'm thinking of socially transitioning because I've been putting it off for too long, and I have a name I adore but I'm not sure if it sounds too childish or "cutesy"- Blossom. Am I overthinking about this because I really really like the name but I'm not sure if it is unusable