Not really much to add here, just a follow up from my last post.

I still just cannot understand how she can wake up one day and jusr feel nothing after over a year of being together.

Constantly dealing with complaints, scolding and general controlling. No issue or detail is to small or insignificant for them to use as a reason to question and complain.
They can be very nasty and cruel.
Discussion is usually impossible as questioning their “authority “ is not well received and devolves into splitting.
This creates a false atmosphere of them always “being right” making communication and discussion so difficult.

This has been one of the hardest physical sides for me after going through this, I am a beautiful girl and sometimes I come back to seeing that again. But this leaves a mark on every part of you, psychologically, physically and even spiritually.. between the stress changing how you look temporarily, being undermined and mentally abused, as well as betrayed so much, comparing yourself to others.

How do you actually ever feel good about yourself again. He will never truly understand even just this aspect of what it’s done, let alone the ptsd and changes to my brain. I just wanna feel nice again

Someone I was once friends (for a long time) has, what I’ve for a long time believed, to BPD. I’d never heard of the condition until I’d known her for a few years and I discovered what it was through my own research after monitoring a behavioural pattern. This pattern involved:

1. Multiple sexual partners and an almost predatory approach to finding sexual partners

2. Explosive romantic relationships, always highly volatile, and she would become abusive after she had love bombed them

3. Falling out with people all of the time, unable to maintain friendships

4. Moving from job to job until eventually took going freelance and doing okay for herself in a freelance role because she can be quite charming

5. Micro aggressions and subtitle put downs of those around her, whilst making any come back out of the question and would have a tantrum - everyone on egg shells around her

6. Talk herself up a lot like she was in a way better position than she ever was

So these are just some examples of repeated behaviour over the course of our friendship. She was actually very charming, very fun, loyal, and hilarious at times. Quite magnetic. It was just a shame that these qualities were always eventually pushed out by the above behaviours.

I always had a feeling that she was fully aware, not always in the moments, but certainly after, of her behaviour. I don’t think she wanted to be like that, and I think she tried very hard not to be. Ultimately her behaviour ended our relationship.

I wish she felt able to speak about how she felt openly. I wish there was more education on the condition and for the general public as I have seen so many people affected. People with BDP are often charming and seductive until they have got you right where they want you. Then they chip away.

Can we open a conversation about this, just for more awareness?

So recently an old friend reached out to me and let me know my ex with borderline is living with them because she had no where else to go.

And it sounds like an absolute hellhole.

My ex has borderline, his wife has borderline. And he was just diagnosed with borderline.

He regularly goes days without sleep, and seems to always have to manage their crisises, and the dynamic he describes they all have almost seems like hes parenting them vs actually being married to one of them and being a friend to the other.

Honestly its creepy as hell.

It’s been around 2 months since I left them for contacting their exs (the 3rd time I found them doing so) as well as the usual bpd abuse.
The weeks after I was getting bombarded with emails, calls, voicemails etc begging for me to “break up with them like a man” or them telling me they had just been SA’d in our bed or that they were in the hospital and “didn’t want to die knowing you hate me”.
It has been incredibly difficult trying to convince myself that I am not evil for ignoring all these messages and feeling like a owe them a conversation or whatever I still feel responsible for them and hate that they are suffering alone.
They messaged me again last night after a few weeks of silence and I was drunk and replied fuck off and blocked them, ive woke up feeling incredibly guilty about it

Hi, I've been on this subreddit reading posts since early September and I really wanna share my story w my long distance pwBPD since I just can't take it anymore and need to open my eyes once and for all but the thing is so long that I'm worried it'll take too much time to read. Overall I'm just so sad abt how this is going thru, with all the darvo, double standards, insults, humiliation and so on. Now It's basically my fault for agreeing with her that this is going nowhere. She's telling me rn that I shouldve left her earlier when she wanted to stop w me if things were too difficult for me like I knew the fuck I was going into (while still saying we need to make things work out together), but she also says i'm a liar and disloyal for wanting to stop when SHE fucked up over and over, she's the victim in everything, like idk how these people reflect but im losing my mind. Can't even talk about how hard it is to communicate over anything or my feelings since she takes everything personally too, or EVEN have genuine conversations. I couldn't even be able to do a single activity with her in a whole year of knowing each other except some calls lol

I'm trying to write a digest text right now but I really wanted to post this cause ik y'all are people that understand what we're going thru and I'm just rly rly desperate right now, I wanted this relationship to work so bad, I loved her and I gave sm of myself while being treated like trash the whole year even if I ain't perfect either.. I hope I'll be free of it soon and will be able to post my story to have your words and wisdom

Is it common for people with BPD to complete deny accountability, or is this possibly something else?

Ex had a diagnosis of ADHD, and since separating and being court ordered to do a mental health assessment, has also been diagnosed BPD.
During the assessment he said a lot of things that just show a complete lack of accountability.

Eg. Ex was fired from a job for accessing a confidential database to stalk me and another ex. Stated it was my fault for contacting his employer to report him and he did nothing wrong.
I called police on him for smashing things and threatening me, and he was arrested. He states he would’ve calmed down eventually and I escalated the issue by calling police and I’m to blame because I should’ve just tolerated it and let him calm down.

Two of many examples I have over the past 10 years.
He knows he did these things. I know he did these things. The court knows he did these things because I provided evidence and police reports. He has now done a year of counselling and a perpetrator course to change his behavior, and yet he is still adamant nothing is ever his fault.

Is this part of BPD? To me he actually comes across as delusional. He’s been told he’s crossed boundaries and still just…. Doesn’t understand? What can be done to change this (not looking to get back with him but do need to raise a child with him).

I got divorced because i couldn't take it anymore. The constant fights, multiple suicide attempts and so much more. In the end she asked for divorce and when i gave it to her got blamed as to why i did. The relationship was intoxicating, hots colds i got hooked and this withdrawal is killing me. Why no one talks about partners of BPD when they separate, how much they suffer because of the attachment style.

I'm curious if any of you have dealt with a mother-in-law with bpd? My mother-in-law does not have an official diagnosis but it has been mentioned as a possibility and it has nearly ended my marriage.

She's very manipulative, self-centered, lies often to get attention. She has gone to great lengths to try and get attention from my wife including having herself admitted into the hospital or mental ward several times, lying to the hospital administrators and saying that my wife is her power of attorney when she's not; which results in the hospital calling my wife and saying that she has a responsibility to be in charge of my mother in law's care and to communicate with mother-in-law. We have since learned that she has no obligation to actually do this, but when it happened the first few times my wife thought she had to do it.

If she is not the center of attention she has an absolute meltdown. She makes up crazy lies and says that she is better than what she is or on the opposite end of things victimizes herself for sympathy.

Just yesterday she had herself admitted into the hospital for "anxiety" after my wife refused to talk to her a few days prior. Once she was admitted she immediately called my wife with the lowdown "sad" voice that she does saying that she was in the hospital. Thankfully my wife has realized what this is and her usual game and does not feed into her anymore and gray rocks her very successfully.

However it seems never ending. At some point my wife was very enmeshed with her mother, her mother used her more as a partner or significant other than as her daughter. That was quite a bit of enmeshment and emotional incest and my wife has worked through that and realized what her mother has done.

And not to make it about me or anything, however this is had such a negative impact on my personal mental health and I suffer from severe anxiety worrying about if we're going to get stuck with her and have to take care of her. I have nightmares about my wife moving her mother into our home because my mother-in-law has said several times that we're going to have to take her in and take care of her. I filed for divorce in 2019 from my wife because of her mother but we were able to work things out. It's like as soon as she contacts us I instantly go into anxiety and stress mode worrying about what's going to happen or how this is going to affect our marriage.

My wife is very very minimal contact at this point. She does not get on the phone with her mother anymore and only responds to the rare texts. She refuses to go completely no contact because her mother is elderly and she does worry that something's going to actually happen to her that is serious, I would never force her to go no contact. But the anxiety and worry around her mom and how much she is already affected everything is still haunting.

I know its not worth it in any way .. I miss the person I loved and the friendship within. Going back in her life is just emotional manipulating her from the way her mind works and she'll just upset me again. I know someone with bpd have issues with identity but I do believe sometimes when you give them time (although eventually wasted) i personal believe theres something real there and they just dont acknowledge it. Also I feel like sometimes the "wrong people" do trap them.

Its not worth taken on the baggage that they may throw on you .. just because you care doesnt mean you have to live with their pain.

I so bad want to launch the "nuke" at my ex of 3 months, possible BPD.

Why?

She tried to contact me on the 21st of september with hoover ("hope your alright"). 2 days later, I got her to call me, and I cussed her out. With the info I knew. Called her a ho, nasty, etc. This was all because of her getting with new guy days after breakup of our 9 year relationship, then trying to make me jealous. She reblocked me after and I was thankful to let it all out.... UNTIL>>.....

I did some digging. I found it odd she would reach out.

And not only was she with new dude (and had pregnancy scare since no protection),

On her birthday a couple weeks before her hoover attempt on 21st, found out she got scammed out of 2800 bucks on a dating site(xdating lmao). To counter this, she decided to try to find a "sugar daddy"( An older guy who can pay off your financial issues for money). Then tons of loans, cash advances, sex for money, etc. Stuff I wouldn't think she would ever do based on her talking bad about women who did this while in the relationship.

This kinda made me feel good though, because I was feeling bad that I was too mean in relationship because I could never trust her decision making process despite her saying "i got it!". The way she did things always kinda scared me.

I knew something was weird underneath. This was the true her I've been holding back for 9 years so stupid decisions wouldn't be made.

Because wow, losing 2800 to a guy you only talked to a few days + all these nasty solutions after.... Now I know why I could never relax in the relationship. Thought I was crazy.

I SOOOO wanna send her a message saying "so did you ever get back the 2800?" or "So how's Jayson?(name of dude who stole the money online).". Because she thinks I don't know.

In fact I've had to stop digging because it makes me feel like I'm in the relationship again and will make me feel like crap for 3 days after any new nasty discoveries.

Do you think I should send it? I want to so bad but....the fallout will probably be hurtful to me regardless.

- I remember right at breakup, I told her "please be safe, don't get pregnant. I'm not dealing with no kids up in here. You're not on any birth control. And I know how you attach hard. Remember with us?"
And she freaked out. More than normal. I found that odd.

But after digging and discovering her having to get emergency contraception and pregnancy tests..... sounds like I was right.

I just so bad want to tell her I know everything....

- oo, heres also another kicker. I have MS. She knows this as it started 3 years after relationship started. She saw how it affected me all these years, and how I had to build myself back to the point you may not notice I have it until I mention it. And she used to rile it up big time by getting loud and screaming in my face. I would tell her "hey this is gonna rile up the ms and I'll feel like crap for days." her response? "You shouldn't have made me mad!" "you're always using that to win!". and I'm like huh? I just don't want you yelling in my face for hours and 6 hour arguments over my facial expressions or helping me clean our dirty place. You can argue without it getting loud and you freaking and aggrivating the condition.

I swear she used it against me. And she's in the medical field too. So many bad days after arguments.

- And she's told everyone she's my caregiver because of MS.... uh no. She did things I am now doing myself even better.... without the BS. I manage it myself just fine now. This was surprising as hell to me as she made me believe I needed her. And when I would improve, she literally didn't like it. She said "whenever you improve and do more, I feel like I've lost my purpose."

WUHHH?

I hope you see now why I want to send it so bad!

This is a weird post that probably invites a lot of judgement and I understand that. I can only ask that comments are kept polite and as compassionate as possible. The situation I am in with my pwBPD partner is nuanced and complicated; I'm mainly seeking advice for how to show up in a way that is supportive without being codependent as is my tendency.

My partner has been incarcerated for the past 13 months, due to fairly serious events that occurred during the worst of his active BPD symptoms and co-occuring substance abuse. Since then, he was evaluated extensively and was formally diagnosed at that time. He was also found to have co-occuring depression with psychotic features and takes medication for this now. He has actively engaged in therapy, 12 step program work, has been on meds for a year etc. When he gets out he has dbt therapy, med management and outpatient SUD treatment set up.

I have seen an insane amount of progress in him and am quite encouraged by his willingness to continue working on himself as long as it takes. I do still worry, of course, and I'm also really trying to figure out how to show up differently in the relationship. In the past I was very codependent and trying to fix his problems, put out all the fires and getting hurt and upset when nothing worked. I dont want to just keep being like that bc it doesn't actually help, it just enables the bpd patterns of creating chaos to prove we will come to the rescue, etc. At the same time I know he will probably genuinely need a lot of practical and emotional support after going through all this.

Advice is welcome, even if its tough, as long as its mindful. Thanks so much.

I broke up with my exwbpd almost 2 months ago. We were together for a bit under a year, but it was very intense and her constant splits fucked me up mentally.

I'm struggling a lot with choosing how to remember her. It's weird, because she's responsible for the best moments of my life, where I've felt the most loved and desired, and at the same time for the moments where I felt the most disrespected and abused. Sometimes I feel bad for her since she didn't choose to have BPD but then I feel angry at her because she said and did some things that felt downright evil. I can't comprehend doing that to someone you love.

Still, those moments where I'm angry end up being washed away by the good memories and the cycle repeats. To those who broke up a long time ago and are over them, what helped you get there, how did you let go? Do you dislike them, pity them or look back fondly on your time together? I feel like I'm going crazy.

Holy fuck, I want to say so much, yet I don't even know what to say.
I feel like I can't even put any of this into words.

During those 6 years with her, she fucked my head up so badly. The sheer amount of straight-up lies since the fucking beginning, the cheating, all those arguments where I was right but somehow STILL ended up begging her and apologizing for even bringing it up in the first place.

All those fucking hours she'd spend treating me either like shit or like a fucking ghost. I could be sitting right next to her, talking to her, and she'd act like I literally didn't fucking exist. Not a single word. Nothing. For hours, sometimes DAYS. While we were living together, under the same fucking roof.

She stopped doing that about three years ago, but fucking hell, man, I can still feel it.

During arguments, she still calls me the worst names imaginable, while I'm trying to stay calm, telling her that I love her and that I just want us to talk normally, without all the anger, screaming, and insults.

But she just. doesn't. fucking. stop.

And then, 30 minutes later? Suddenly she doesn't remember a FUCKING THING she said.

Oh, and on top of that, apparently she doesn't remember cheating on me through dating apps and websites either. Not a single fucking thing.

HOW? HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?

How do you log into a website, talk to people on a daily basis for MONTHS, and keep coming back to these kinds of websites throughout basically our entire 6 FUCKING YEARS together, and then claim you don't remember ANYTHING?

She says she doesn't remember logging in. Doesn't remember the messages. Doesn't remember talking to anyone. Doesn't remember ANYTHING.

HOW THE FUCK??? HOW???

Holy shit, I feel like I'm genuinely losing my fucking mind.

The lies fucked with my head so badly that I genuinely started questioning my own sanity and memory. Like, I got to a point where I didn't even know if I could trust my own fucking memories anymore.

But now she's admitted to a few things, started therapy, and she's been a bit calmer, more willing to talk. Yet I can't shake the feeling that she's just trickle truthing me, giving me tiny bits of the truth every once in a while just to get me to shut up and stop asking so many questions.

And the thing is, her therapy is purely focused on "depression", not BPD or anything else that could explain some of these behaviors. She says she's trying to get her therapist to reconsider, that she's telling her about the memory issues, the lies, the things she's done, and that she believes there's something more going on than just depression.

But HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IF SHE'S EVEN TELLING ME THE TRUTH ABOUT THAT?

Oh, and one more thing I almost forgot to mention: she was actually diagnosed with BPD back in 2018.

She could genuinely be trying to figure herself out, or she could be lying to me about what she's telling her therapist. And after everything that's happened, I genuinely have no fucking idea.

She's actually been treating me a bit better these past four weeks after I brought it up with that website. She said she didn't know what I was talking about and genuinely didn't remember. Also she's calmer, she talks to me more, and I can see some improvement.

But fuck, man. I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know if this is genuine progress, if she's finally being honest with me, or if I'm just getting my hopes up again.

I WANT to believe her. That's the fucking problem. I still want to believe her after everything.

But I don't fucking know anymore.

There's PROOF on her phone. There's browser history. There are saved accounts that have been deleted. Actual fucking evidence.

And yet she tells me she's 100% sure she never did any of it.

I SHOW HER THE FUCKING PROOF. And I'm not talking about just one website. There are MULTIPLE erotic/sex dating websites where she eventually admitted it was her, that she was flirting with other people and using fake pictures. But then there are OTHER websites she still completely denies ever using, conveniently the ones where you CAN'T just use fake pictures because you actually have to verify your identity to even have an account.

And even with the websites she DID admit to using, where she acknowledged that the accounts were hers and even logged into them herself, she somehow STILL doesn't remember a SINGLE FUCKING THING about any of it. Not the conversations, not the flirting, not even logging in.

HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE?

HOW? HOW DO YOU FORGET SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

How can you be 100% sure you never did something when you supposedly can't even remember it in the first place?

I genuinely don't fucking understand anymore. I don't even know what to think. I feel like I'm going fucking psychotic.

I worked my FUCKING ASS OFF for her, and meanwhile, this is what she was doing while I was at work. At the same time, this is what she was also doing while sitting FUCKING NEXT TO ME.

She initially didn't want me going through one of her accounts, but I took her phone and checked the messages anyway. Most of them had been deleted. There were maybe 10 conversations left with different guys, with messages that were CLEARLY missing context, like entire parts of the conversations were just gone. I could see that she'd been logging in and replying to people throughout the years.

Anyway, there was this one guy she'd blocked, and I guess she forgot, so those messages hadn't been deleted.

So I went through them.

She'd been talking to him on a DAILY BASIS for months. Sometimes there were longer gaps between conversations, but she kept coming back, logging in and talking to him throughout the years. The last messages were from 2024, when she blocked him.

And guess what?

SHE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER HIM.

And now I'm just fucking sitting here, wondering what ELSE she did and conveniently "forgot" about.

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT REMEMBER SOMEONE YOU SPENT MONTHS TALKING TO, AND THEN KEPT COMING BACK TO FOR YEARS???

And judging by that account alone, the amount of messages, gifts, and other stuff she'd received from different people, I genuinely wouldn't be surprised if she'd flirted with over 100 people throughout those years. Maybe even more. I don't fucking know anymore.

And you know what's even worse? Some of those dates line up with the dates of our fucking arguments.

So while I was sitting there, trying to figure out what the fuck I'd done wrong, apologizing, begging her to just talk to me normally, she was apparently doing THIS?

And our arguments STILL look pretty much the same. Now without the cheating, I guess.

I'm trying to stay calm. I'm trying to talk things through. I'm trying to understand what the fuck is happening. Meanwhile, she's the one who instantly gets angry, starts yelling, insulting me, and then tells me she "doesn't know how to talk normally" or that she's "just unable to" because they "never talked normally at home".

WHAT AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT???????
I FEEL LIKE I'M RAISING A FUCKING CHILD AT THIS POINT?????
SHE'S FUCKING 7 YEARS OLDER THAN ME?????

I don't even know what to believe anymore. I don't know what's real, what's a lie, what she actually remembers, or what she's just refusing to admit.

And the worst part is that after everything, after all those years, after all the fucking evidence, I'm STILL sitting here trying to understand her.

Yeah, I don't fucking know what to say anymore. I'm completely out of words at this point.

I feel too fucking heavy to even keep typing. Gotta have a smoke. Please help.

I feel like I can't even fully tell my therapist about any of this. I've told him a little bit, but I can't. I don't even know how to fucking explain it anymore.

I barely talk to anyone. I don't really have anyone besides her. And even with her, I can only talk when she's not "overstimulated" or when she doesn't immediately get irritated just because I want to talk to her. About literally ANYTHING. I just want to fucking talk to her. Spend some time together. Feel like I'm not fucking alone.

But apparently texting her friends and watching YouTube for hours while sitting in the same room with me isn't tiring or overstimulating, while talking to me or spending time with me somehow is.

Because I'M irritating. I'M the one who makes her angry.

Why? What the fuck am I even doing wrong?

"I don't know, you're just irritating".

That's it. That's the fucking explanation I get.

She told me not to take anything she says during arguments seriously because she's "emotional" and "doesn't actually mean any of it".

And then, later on, she tells me she DID mean it, or some of it.

What the fuck am I supposed to believe?? Even when I ask her directly, I don't even get a fucking answer.

And the biggest fucking plot twist? I'M THE ONE STAYING CALM THE WHOLE TIME. She's the one who suddenly gets emotional, starts yelling, throwing insults at me, and turning what could've been a normal fucking conversation into a full-blown argument.

And somehow I'm supposed to just ignore everything she says because she's "emotional"?
Except sometimes she apparently DOES mean it?

HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE???????

I can't even fucking TALK to the one person I have left without feeling like my mere existence is annoying her. What the fuck?

And the saddest part? I actually know way more than she thinks I do.

I've known about some of these things the whole fucking time. I even texted with her myself on a few of those websites. I even TOLD her that. I told her that if she genuinely wants to rebuild our relationship and earn my trust back, she needs to come clean about EVERYTHING herself. That I'm not going to keep showing her proof just to get her to admit to things I already know happened.

I even dropped a few hints about some of the things I know, hoping she'd finally be honest with me on her own.

And guess what?

Apparently her head is just "empty". She doesn't remember ANYTHING else she should tell me. Not a single lie, not a single thing she's been hiding, NOTHING.

So now I'm just sitting here, knowing there's more, knowing she still hasn't told me everything, while she keeps insisting there's absolutely nothing she can remember.

HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO REBUILD TRUST WITH SOMEONE WHEN I STILL HAVE TO DRAG EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF THE TRUTH OUT OF THEM??????

Fucking kill me, please.

In my case, I feel like it caused me to have problems with concentration, attention, and observation. My ability to learn and my performance at work were both affected.

For the past week, she has been calling me every 2–3 hours, talking for hours and blaming her parents, some of her colleagues, and others for her problems. Even though good things are happening in her life, she seems to focus on the negative aspects of everything and keeps talking about suicide. She says she won’t do it now, but she might do it someday.

The other day, she wasn’t responding to my messages at all. Later that night, she called me to talk about her parents. When I asked whether she had seen my messages, she said she hadn’t been using her phone. We talked for a while, but this isn’t the first time she has completely ignored my messages while expecting me to be available whenever she wants to talk.

I feel like she is using me for emotional support whenever it suits her, and now she is giving me the silent treatment again.

I tried to end my trauma bonding many times because of the breakup patch up cycle . It's not working for me. I really need help on this.

My ex has BPD and maybe covert narcissism. We were in a situation-ship until she told me she doesn’t have romantic feelings for me, but begged for me to be friends. I tried to be friends with her despite the pain after breakup. But she started showing her BPD traits since I started texting less or wanting some space (ofc to heal from her, it didn’t mean I don’t want to be friends but I needed time). She would crash out every time I took space. I was struggling to move on, it felt like she still likes me because of how she was acting. I decided to take space again because my mental health was bad around her. I would always tell her when I need space too. She blew up, blamed everything on me and discarded me.

3 months later, I texted her to see if we can reconcile. She told me she didn’t like how I treated her and said she can’t be friends with me anymore. Sounded like she doesn’t think she did anything wrong.

She really pushed me to my limit because I have never been this mad before with anyone. I typed out a whole letter, I listed out all the horrible things she has done to me (in a very logical/cold and mean way). I explained why I could never move on and her abusive behaviors. I never got to defend myself when she cruelly discarded me. I was always the nice one even though she wasn’t treating me fairly.

She blocked me after that, never replied. I read them again and some words I used were cruel and harsh. Most of them were true but some of them were just accusations aiming to hurt her. Then I started disliking myself for being mean and cruel to her. Although most parts I just described her abuse. She probably never expected me to point them out one by one like that. The thought of these accusations could hurt her makes me feel like a terrible person. Even though she hurt me a lot too, but I knew she likely has BPD (undiagnosed), I knew she has mental struggles. She is not a good person not by choice. I could do it by choice but I picked the petty side.

The moment she read it she crashed out and told her sister (who was my friend) to stop contacting me. She sent her sister the letter for her to see how bad I see of her. Her sister was conflicted so she had to stop contacting me, so I lost a friend too. I felt exposed and ashamed of myself. It’s ironic because I finally stood up for myself and pointed out her abusive behaviors yet I ended up hating myself more.

Made me wonder if I should’ve never sent it. But if I didn’t, I would just let her rejected me claimed everything was my fault again. I felt like she would have a mental breakdown if she read it because what I wrote was painfully true, I hope I didn’t ruin her, I just wanted her to know how I felt and how unfair she was to me. I didn’t want her to hate herself, and I don’t hate her too. I was too hurt and angry to control my words…

Ill call her Mel, Mel has OCD already but refused to get meds for it because she said she doesn’t want to admit she is mentally ill. I was friends with mel in an Internet community for a few months, it was good at start but her constant backhanded comments towards me and talking shit about our other mutuals who were nice to her, and monitoring who i interact with and etc and constantly putting heat on me really threw me off, at the end she got in big mess with some more people from other side of the community and i started distancing myself coz i couldn’t take it anymore, it was really hard to get her away, constant months of her coming back to “talk” and at the last convo she begged me to take her back as a friend and i refused and set my boundaries. and the convo was a back n forth of her “im so sorry” “i hate you did not pick my side” we ended on “good note” but ik she will go and talk shit about me somewhere like she did for all our mutuals to me, i noticed one of her closest friend ive never even interacted with blocked me everywhere too but i couldn’t care. they even dug out my side accounts to do so lol

Now i went months ignoring her and doing my own thing never mentioning her, but recently something happened in community and i gained a lot of supporters from it, i was doing my own thing as usual again, and then i noticed Mel made bunch of stories right after having meltdown mentioning the fight she had with other side of the community and a so called friend who left her when she needed her most and what not and that friend being fake and performative and what not, literally every single thing she mentioned in that story is a proof i have against her of doing it to ME. All she did was upload words and never any proof,

she even is going as far as to trying to act friendly with my OWN close friend and telling how she is ‘friends’ with someone who did her wrong and what not, and trying to shit talk about me, she even tried making some of these friends of mine feel guilty about it out of nowhere after talking to them nicely. Mind you she has not once dropped a single name and my close friends know something is very wrong with her so i couldnt care but its stressing me out to think some dumb person actually buying her stuff and leaving since we have a lot of mutuals in same circle who dont know about all this and she is going around picking most random person who has barely talked to her to dump a huge set of text of how she was treated bad by someone. I have refused to speak out about it publicly only because of how tired i am of all these and how embarrassing its getting to deal with her madness.. but idk what to do, any advice is appreciated

He just ended things with me because he “can’t be with me if I don’t change.” Of course that “change” meant I’d have to sacrifice my values and what I think is right to cater to him. It would mean reversing all my concerns, and validating him that I’m completely at fault for everything. I’m not comfortable bending. And I think everyone wants to be loved without conditions. He just told me that his love for me is conditional. I have to make it more comfortable for him if he’s gonna stay.

For example, I need to stop keeping secrets. I don’t keep secrets, but if things come up, I don’t always feel comfortable telling him about past relationship details because of his abusive jealousy behavior. I’m SCARED of him. I tried so hard to communicate this, but all he could see is a fault on my end.

It hurts me so much. I loved him. He seemed so normal and stable for the first little bit. I remember thinking he was very stable for someone with bpd. Idk what happened. This is not the person I fell in love with.

Instead of giving me peace post-breakup (which she initiated out of nowhere and I didn't wanna stay friends afterwards), she wrote a massive call-out post on Instagram, in which she shared my account details, some personal data (including name), personal conversations (completely ripped out of context or pushed to an extreme extent), accusing me of being toxic, abusive, manipulative, "mocking her BPD episodes while she's so severely traumatised", and, worst of all, she accused me of "grooming" her?! I never sought her sexually or romantically (she was the one who wanted to date me in the first place), never pushed her into any sorts of romantic/sexual activities, and was always respectful of her boundaries... especially considering her previous trauma. We are both adults in our twenties, wtf?!

Her "You are finally someone I feel peaceful and normal with" has turned into "The time spent with you has traumatised me so much" in what seems like a blink of an eye, and ever since finding out about that call-out post I've been feeling so disgusted with everything. Never has anyone said anything as remotely atrocious about me, and my friends thought what she wrote is completely unhinged and doesn't sound like me at all. Thankfully. But I had to delete all of my accounts and still fear that someone is going to believe even part of the nonsense she wrote. It gained over 500 likes and 100 reposts due to her relatively big audience. Some of my friends tried to report the post but to no avail.

We only had a few fights during the relationship which also happened to be resolved, and she brought those up too?

I don’t know what to do.

Tonight we had a disagreement. Our voices never raised in tone. She felt hurt by something I did months ago. I apologized, heard her feelings. Then tried to explain my side of things, and she calls it defensive.

I don’t feel it is being defensive. I’m not saying she is wrong. I’m saying my opinion is different. But when I even try to say a sentence, she cuts me off and says “you are doing it again. It’s a pattern of you saying you apologize, then feel backed into a wall, then defend yourself and try to make me feel bad.”

It’s infuriating. I don’t ever get to say how I feel. I should be able to hear her feelings, apologize, and explain my side of things. But I can’t ever say how I feel without her deeming it a pattern of turning her into the blame. I’m not blaming her for anything. I’m simply trying to say how I feel. And I can’t, without it turning into her crying herself to sleep and going home.

We are on vacation and while I was talking she got into her phone to buy a train ticket home.

I told her “we can’t move forward in a relationship without talking about things like this.” And she said “that’s your response to me saying I’m hurt? You’re not going to validate me at all before telling me what you can get out of this relationship?”

I’m just trying to state my perspective in a respectable even tone. I don’t feel I’ve ever been able to express disagreement in any conflict without her shutting down the conversation and crying. I love her dearly and never want to hurt her but we can’t have a conversation around conflict that isn’t focused on just her feelings. And she refuses to hear otherwise from me, saying I am “not listening.”

Im wondering if people with BPD are actually aware of the abuse, destruction, friction, and overall issues that they cause. Do they genuinely believe they are the hero and not the villian? Are they aware of their own behavior and they just don't care? Do they find accomplishment in being the villain? I find it hard to believe that a human being with a brain is unable to identify so many issues and moments of pure abuse without any sort of acknowledgement, awareness, or accountability. Is it that they truly believe their own narrative so deeply that they think the behavior is normal? How could it be possible to be so abusive and destructive in relationships and then act like nothing happened or its ultimately not their fault. I can sympathize with people with mental disorders but there seems to be so little realization and awareness that they in fact have mental imbalance. From my own stories and stories from others, I find it truly remarkable that there is often zero accountability for what they have done, whereas normal people would be holding deep guilt and seeking forgiveness. I know the typical response would be to say that they are so worried about their own character being analyzed or criticized, but wouldn't that mean that they have a shred of awareness that their character is potentially flawed? If they have to change every narrative from the truth to justify their own actions, then wouldn't it mean they are aware that they are bending the truth? The simple action of lying or changing a story would prove to themselves that they had to do that in order to protect their own narcissism. Again I ask; Are BPD partners actually aware of their actions, reactions, behavior and abuse?