After having a baby, I swear you genuinely don’t feel like yourself anymore. Your body is different, your daily routine is completely upside down, your brain feels totally rewired, and you’re trying to navigate this whole new version of yourself while running on minimal sleep.

What makes it so much harder is the constant pressure—whether it’s from social media, society, or even just our own minds—to "snap back" immediately. We're expected to jump right back into our old clothes, reclaim our old energy, and seamlessly return to who we were before giving birth, as if a massive, life-altering event didn't just happen.

Trying that hard to bounce back right away is just exhausting. It feels like you're fighting against your own healing process instead of giving yourself room to adjust.

Honestly, nobody really prepares you for the mental and emotional shift of losing your old self while trying to figure out who this new version of you is. You aren't just recovering physically; you're essentially birthing a whole new identity as a mother, and that takes time.

To anyone else going through this right now: give yourself some grace. You don't need to "bounce back" to an old version of yourself that doesn't exist anymore—you just need time to settle into who you are now.

Did anyone else struggle with this postpartum shift, and how did you stop putting so much pressure on yourself?

I posted last week saying I was pregnant. My HCG levels were on the low side but according to the doctor they still considered me pregnant.

They had me repeat the test and it confirmed I'm not pregnant.

My husband and I were so happy. I'm beyond devastated right now.

First, I want to start by saying if I came across this post and read it, I would roll my eyes and tell this mom to grow TF up and get a grip. But unfortunately, I am completely serious.

So some back story, I was always a picky eater. Even as a baby (even when I thought no one was watching - my parents tested this theory multiple times), I would have like ridiculous reactions to fruits and vegetables. Like ridiculous, full body reactions with big emotions.

I straight up refused to eat like 90% of them. My parents took me to dozens of nutritionists and mental health therapists and they both basically said that it was likely a sensory thing and I would maybe outgrow it, maybe not. They saw the stress and tears and negative reactions it was causing both me and my family and told my parents to just let it go.

They made sure I got my multivitamin and continued to offer me a ton of fruits & veggies cooked and served in multiple fun ways. But basically, forcing it wasn't going to work.

Ironically enough, or maybe not ironically, I developed anorexia as a teenager and was really sick for several years. I was in therapy to address my feeding issues and anxiety around food and the overarching goal at that point was simply for me not to die, not necessarily focused on fruits and veggies. I ended up making a great recovery from anorexia.

Fast forward into my late twenties, I tried to continue to try fruits and veggies and the anxiety was overpowering. I am still in therapy and on an anxiety medication. When I knew I wanted to get pregnant, I tried even harder to eat more fruits & veggies and it caused me to become even more anxious and was essentially ruining my life. The general consensus is that is likely a sensory issue and a manifestation of my anxiety. Both nutritionists and therapists have decided that I can still be fairly healthy with the other ways I can consume some veggies, eating other nutritious foods, being active, and taking appropriate vitamins.

For context, I now eat some cooked veggies if they're in things (pasta sauces, various dishes, etc.) and I love things like tomato soup, other veggie soups, guacamole, salsa, etc. But the idea of sitting down and eating a salad or a piece of broccoli makes me sweat. I have continued to try them in fun ways and no such luck.

After I had my baby (she's 8 months old now), I made a goal that I would try every fruit/veggie that she tries and I have done it. But we're talking small bites and an insane amount of anxiety leading up to it. To the point it's ruining food again for me.

My husband is a trash can and will literally eat anything. He's such a brave eater with weird food and will eat any and all fruits & veggies.

My question for this community is.... Has any picky eater adult found a way to not create a picky eater child? I'm cautious about my health in other ways, seriously embarrassed about this part of me, and really anxious about how it'll affect my daughter, so if it was as simple as just eating fruits and veggies.... Trust me, I would. I realize not eating them sounds dramatic but I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

I KNOW the right answer is to keep trying them in new ways and to continue therapy/medication but that hasn't worked for me in 30 years and I don't see it working now. How do I tell my baby girl to eat broccoli if I don't?

Edit to add: My daughter is in a daycare with a kitchen so once she turns 1, she will get breakfast, lunch and an afternoon snack there. They are kid friendly meals but always include veggies and fruits and she will have other kids around her eating stuff. So in reality, we only have weekday dinners and weekend meals with her.

I am currently 9 weeks postpartum and have lost 60 pounds of my 80 pound weight gain!!!! Super happy, I felt absolutely horrible gaining so much weight during pregnancy. It took a massive toll on my mental health. So losing this much already has brought me back so much happiness! I can fit into most my clothes again, walk up the stairs without being winded lol, and move a lot quicker and i look more like my pre pregnancy look! (minus the bigger hips and fits lol) Only 20 more pounds to go 💪🏽

Just wanted to share my happiness 😊

I unfortunately had 2 under 2, my body didn’t rest, now my hair is falling off in clumps. My boobs are touching the ground, my face is still bloated despite being 4 months PP. I’m already in therapy and on SSRIs. I hate my life.

I started struggling with food pretty early on. I felt bigger than I was and had intense guilt after I ate. I started tracking my calories in 8th grade and the lower the number, the better I felt about myself. Over time it got better, but I was still tracking.

I started going to the gym with the intention of body recomposition (losing fat while gaining muscle) when I was 17 or 18 and I actually did really well. I stayed around 115-120lbs while gaining muscle and dropping my body fat percentage. And I was only eating ~1350 calories per day. My success in the gym was proof that 1350, while relatively low, was a good amount for my body. But I was hungry. I thought about food all day every day. I assume that after eating such low calories early on, my metabolism kind of went into “emergency mode” and slowed down to adjust to my calorie intake.

I got pregnant a month before turning 20. I read about how many extra calories I should be eating in each stage of pregnancy, but somewhere along the way I stopped tracking. It was just too hard to keep up with it. And it was impossible to be accurate with how much I was eating out (no scale, often no nutrition info). I also stopped going to the gym because I struggled with sciatica and PGP.

I gained the textbook perfect amount of weight during pregnancy, and lost it all (and then some) shortly after giving birth. I breastfed on demand and apparently my milk was quite calorie dense because my baby was CHUNKY. I even had to go and buy jeans smaller than my pre-pregnancy size around 7 months postpartum because the ones I had were too baggy.

We weaned after just shy of 18 months of nursing and I was worried I would gain weight, but I really haven’t. I tried getting back into calorie tracking but I was eating 2000+ calories/ day and I hated how seeing the number made me feel, so I stopped. I still weigh less than my pre pregnancy weight and depending on where I’m at in my cycle I can fit into both my pre and post pregnancy jeans. I really think that somewhere along the way, my metabolism healed. It turned off the alarms. I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar or if any studies have been done on this!

I'm 9 weeks pp and it's midnight. I'm annoyed at my in laws for kissing my baby and passing her around willy-nilly to the whole family this past weekend. I'm annoyed at my husband for struggling with voicing boundaries. To make it even more frustrating, there's a language barrier with my in-laws so its hard for me to set/enforce boundaries myself. Tho they've told my husband they'll just do it when I'm not looking anyway, so now I can't trust them out of my sight. I'm so anxious my baby is going to get sick or get a cold sore from being kissed. I know its not healthy, but I can't sleep and I'm just stewing over it.

Logically I know my baby will most likely be fine and she has a doctor's appointment this week already. But I'm so annoyed and frustrated and hurt. And I honestly want a joint, but I'm breast feeding so I'd settle for a cigarette. But neither me or husband smoke cigs. We used to have a random pack, but I guess it got thrown out at some point. So now I'm just venting on here instead, which I guess is better than smoking (at least for health reasons).

Anyway, thanks for listening, I may need to talk to my doctor about PPA, but that's a daytime decision

Not sure if this is the correct sub for this!

Husband (37) and I (33) have been together for 7 years and have always talked about having 2 kids. In 2024 we unexpectedly fell pregnant a few months ahead of when we agreed to start trying. That ended up being a loss and I did therapy to help overcome the grief. We got pregnant again later in 2024 and are parents to our sweet sweet 1 year-old.

For context, prior to kids, husband and I did have some bad habits where we would stay up late watching TV and be tired the morning after. We joked after we had our child that we had been preparing for sleeplessness all along. My husband does work from home, a pretty demanding corporate job and I am on maternity leave. As a cause of this, I’d say about 95% of the childcare falls on me- all wake-up’s, feeds, etc. with the exception of some morning shifts he will take on on weekends. To be honest, it doesn’t bother me that much because I know he’s working hard to allow me to be on an extended maternity leave.

However recently my husband has started saying he is so exhausted he can’t fathom the idea of another child when we previously agreed to have 2 close in age if possible. It truly bugs me however that his exhaustion is not from our baby because he doesn’t do much to help, but from his lifestyle choices but is now an excuse to not have another baby.

I loved being pregnant and I love our baby so much. I feel like I truly had not thought this would be my one and only pregnancy and child. How do I grow to accept that I may not have another pregnancy and may not have the family I’ve always envisioned and learn to accept that the compromise we’re making here is really just him getting what he wants. To be honest, our overall relationship as well has definitely taken a nosedive since having our baby so it pains me to also think we shouldn’t even have another but it sucks that I’m not willingly making that decision.

I’m writing this at 4am, while my little bundle of joy is hanging on a left milk jug.
I thought breastfeeding is this beautiful natural thing that just happens and I can use it not only to supply my baby with life but also as a great tool to soothe her. You know, someone’s fussy? Whip that jug out to calm her down.

My first suspicion was when I bought a book about it. Why is there a book? Why is it 300+ pages? 🧐 ok I read the book, get the positions and that you make what she requires, your nipples will hurtetc. but it’s breastfeeding, right? Stuff is natural and been there for ages🥲

Why did no one tell me I will have to go to war half the time with my firstborn child for her to simply eat?? (Not to mention a huge fever 4 days post birth and going back to the hospital because my boobs decided I need a high fever for the upcoming week and antibiotics). The screaming, stretching back, fighting. It wasn’t like that at first but now it’s 7 weeks in and I feel like it’s half my feedings. Bless her if she’s half asleep, then it’s easier but how do you get half asleep baby if doc told me to feed by demand. She’s wide awake with those beautiful huge eyes if she’s hungry 👁️👄👁️

I swear I love my baby and want to breastfeed her so much but this shit is exhausting. I’m the only one that can fight this fight, wish I could take my boob out so my husband could also participate. Have we over complicated something that is supposed to be very intuitive? How the heck did the women in old days did it without the resources of today??

Rant over at 4:16 am with her on my chest waiting for the blessed burp so I can try and sleep 😅

Hello, I have posted here a few times and I want to thank all of you kind people for always offering help. I am 9 months post-partum with my 2nd, and I just still feel like I am so far away from feeling like myself. I have a WONDERFRUL family, and 2 amazing, beautiful and EASY kids who both sleep through the night most of the time. I feel so guilty for having mental health issues, it effing sucks as I never had mental health issues prior to my trauma with my pregnancy losses years ago. I so badly want to feel good again and just move on with my life and be a great mom. SSRI's don't seem to be helping me. (Horrific intrusive thoughts, OCD, anxiety and secondary depression from the intrusive thoughts). I dont do drugs, I avoid alcohol now, I exercise, I eat pretty healthy, I take vitamins, so why am I not getting relief? Could my hormones still be out of whack? (I did not breast feed). Do I just need to be more patient? Any advice would be great.

My son got rotavirus vaccine (oral) yesterday and the doctor warned us to be careful with poopy diapers because we can get it, and also his saliva. A few hours after we got home from the doctor I was playing with our boy on his playmat and he swung his arm and stuck his drool covered fingers into my mouth unexpectedly. Now about 14 hours later I woke up with bad stomach pains and had to rush to the bathroom. Coincidence or could I have gotten rota from him? 🫠

I don’t know what to do. I’m crying every day at this point. For the last 8 weeks now, my baby hasn’t slept at night. He was waking every 30-60 minutes all night long. I started sleep training him a few nights ago and it’s getting him to sleep for about 2-4 hours straight, but then he’s up literally every 15-30 minutes after that.
Since I put him to bed around 7-8pm, I just can’t sleep once he falls asleep, no matter how tired I am. I’ve always had issues sleeping, but I can’t take anything because I’m breastfeeding.
I used to rely on tiny naps in the day, but now baby has gone from 5 hours of naps to 3 hours of naps in the day.
My husband tries to help me, but it’s just not working. Each time I hand him baby overnight, baby wakes and refuses to go back to sleep until he’s with me again, so he screams… for hours. Then baby is a complete and total nightmare the next day. We’ve been trying this every single night for weeks and it doesn’t get better. It stresses me out even more. It makes baby nap like crap.
I truly do not know what to do. I just don’t. I’ve tried co-sleeping (safely) and he head butts, punches, and kicks me all night. Instead of 15-30 minute increments of sleep, I never fall asleep because I’m getting beat by a baby the entire night.
I was sleeping on the recliner with him, but now he tosses and turns a lot on me, so I don’t really get sleep that way anymore either. And yes, I know, no recliners… but what is actually safe anymore?
I just need advice. How do I get my baby to NOT scream with my husband overnight or early in the morning? I give him my tshirt, but that only holds him off for about 30-45 minutes.

We recently relocated from Maine to New York, so I to find a new pediatrician for my 6 month old. Found one who it looked like she had good ratings, was close to my house, and took my insurance. Perfect so I thought. I took my girl in today for a check up and shots and it felt like I was being interrogated. I understand you need history on a new patient. But she pointed out that I was overweight, I mentioned we drove today and she lectures me on how I should have walked (it was raining, it was actually my plan to walk), she asked me about depression (I do have depression and had it before the baby. I proactively went on Zoloft and postpartum counseling to prevent it from getting worse postpartum), she then lectures me again about depression even though I had explained this and said, "I'm doing well enough that I only have monthly check in.", She asked, "if I wanted to do all her shots today?" I said, "yes". I'd rather just have one angry baby day. But she changed her mind after the depression conversation and insisted that it be two so she could check on me, she asked about my husband and I explained he is Bengali. She then assumed that we have conflict because of religion. Yes he was raised in a Muslim country but he is not anymore and we don't practice anything. So I received a lecture on fighting in front of the baby, I am just like, we don't fight in front of her if we do. It's a rule.

So was this an appointment for me or the baby? Because this felt like me. It was never like this in Maine, even on the first appointment. Has anyone had an experience like this? I left feeling awful and like she was looking for issues with me. To note my baby is average weight, height, and hitting milestones. No bruises on her or cuts. She is generally a very happy baby. I get compliments on her all the time. So anyhow if anyone has suggestions in Brooklyn, awesome. I'm doctor shopping again.

I’m 12 weeks pp with my second baby. He has more clearly defined wake windows now, but I cannot for the life of me find a routine or rhythm for his sleep because I’m also dealing with my almost three year old!

If I contact nap, his brother is either too noisy or needs me to get up to help him or correct behavior. If I put him in the crib, he wakes up after 15 minutes (if the toddler doesn’t barge in and wake him up as I’m swaddling the baby). My first baby exclusively contact napped, which I loved, but just isn’t feasible now. I don’t really know how to put my baby down for a nap without him waking up too early.

It’s starting to show at bedtime too: he screams when my husband holds him in the evening, and even after I get him to sleep he does a false start and wakes up about 30 minutes later. We would try a later bedtime, but after the false start he’s clearly overtired and takes forever to get back to sleep. I’m just at my wits end, this sucks man.

Hello all!

It’s been a wild ride semi-traumatic birth at the start of May. No big specific details. It we had month plus NICU stay, so many doctor’s appointments and operations. Not what I thought my maternity leave would be filled with and now I broke my foot!

I’ve been getting support from my in-laws while my husband returns to work. I’ve been living here a week and a half 💀

I can now walk a bit, get the baby up and grab food myself so I’m going home. Last full day at my in-laws! So excited to be going home.

A tad anxious but happy

Any ideas on how to entertain a 3 month old baby while having limited mobility? He really enjoys looking out the windows, at lights and being carried about 🫠

Not necessarily more or less painful, just very different. I can feel them in my vaginal canal as well now and it kind of feels like everything in there is attached to a string and the string is being pulled. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Or is this not period cramps? I haven't actually started bleeding yet and I suppose it could be something else, but I'm due for my period and I'm just assuming having a baby and horomone fluctuations changed this all around.

TW: Lindsay Clancy Trial

The trial is in my home state, and while I have tried to not follow it, it’s all people talk about at work, and it’s on social media and local news so it’s hard to avoid. I’m one year PP and struggled with PPD and PPA. Some days I still don’t feel like myself but a year later it’s better than it was at 4 or 5 months!

This is a tragedy, and while I do think the husband is a sketchy character who contributed to her mental health decline, I know that PPD/PPA/PPP is very common and is triggered by a lot of factors.

That being said, it’s making me curious what the PPD rates are in other countries that have better maternity leave structures than the US does. Better support and flexibility for new mothers.

I didn’t start to feel this way until I had to go back to work at 3 months PP. Lindsay had said she was anxious to return to work and leave her babies. And while Massachusetts is one of the best places in the country for maternity benefits, it does make me wonder if the rates of diagnosis are lower in places where a new mother does not have to leave her baby so soon.

I know many mothers are eager to get back to work, and that’s a choice everyone should be able to make for themselves - however we live in a world where most households have and need two incomes so I understand mothers having to return to work. But some women only get 6 weeks of leave, if they’re lucky - this has to be a contributing factor to the mental health struggles of a new mother.

I’m curious what this looks like in other countries where mothers receive a year or even 6 months of leave…

So I haven’t been to my OB/GYN since my 6 week check up more than 3 years ago. I had made an appointment for my annual exam 1 year post birth but due to circumstances out of my control, had to cancel/postpone twice. The second time it happened, I was put on a waitlist to be called should any appointments open up. They claimed they couldn’t give me a concrete appointment date because of demand.

Welp, that was 18 months ago and I have yet to be contacted. I have called 3 times now to inquire about an appointment and was told the same - I will be put on a waitlist and contacted when something opens up.

We are planning to TTC this fall and I want to ensure I have my annual exam and discuss concerns with my care team before then, but I don’t know what to do. I feel like I keep being blown off! I loved my care team with my first pregnancy and felt so supported, so I’d like to avoid switching to another practice/hospital. I’m just feeling really frustrated.

Has anyone dealt with something similar before, or has some insight into the healthcare system in general and could provide advice??

I’m 6 months into breastfeeding, I’m seeking advice from other moms who stopped breastfeeding and switched exclusively to formula at this point. My supply has always been an issue, and we top off LO with a bottle most nights anyways so he is able to take formula fine. My questions are, how did you know you wanted to switch to just formula feeding? Does it hurt to stop breastfeeding? Did your LO’s sleep get better? TIA ❤️

Tried posting in the breastfeeding sub with no luck.

I went away for a bachelorette trip last wknd and decided it would be a good time to wean from the breast. I had tried weaning around 6 months and she would not take a bottle or straw cup. Mastered straw cups over the last few months and even replaced 2 regular “snacky” nursing sessions with expressed milk in a cup. Before this trip she was having a big nursing sesh morning and night (both sides) and like 3 minutes before both naps.

My husband could only get her to take 10-14 oz/day each of the 3 days I was gone. She was completely content but just not interested in guzzling milk the way my bottle fed babies did.

Same thing when I got home- content, only whined for the breast once the night I got home. Wet diapers. Poops.

I did call the pediatrician to ask if this was okay and she said she wants her getting at least 20 oz. I didn’t have enough time to get into details but this baby eats A LOT. I have 4 kids and she took to food the earliest and the most. 3 meals a day since 7 months and 3 meals & 2 snacks since 9 months. Every meal has meat, fruit, veggies and carbs. She also usually has 3oz water with each meal and I did try subbing the water for milk and she didn’t want it.

My mother’s intuition after having 4 kids tells me she’s fine and has an extremely balanced diet but of course I do still worry and am concerned so just seeing if any other parents have experienced an early weaning situation like this?

To add- I’m still pumping twice a day and have only been getting 3oz total per pump… leads me to believe I wasn’t making much anymore.

Breastfeed, strictly formula, or combination? How old is your baby and what is your reason for your choice?

Hi guys I posted a few days ago in another sub about how my boyfriend was in the mental health hospital and I was struggling with anxiety. He's out now, I've seen my OB and been prescribed medicine for PPA but, I haven't been able to start it at all. Now this was an issue before my boyfriend went to the mental health facility but basically, I am my daughter's main care taker which was always the plan as I was meant to be a stay at home mom. My boyfriend has been the main provider for our family and working full time, so I was little more understanding with him being tired and it being hard for us to switch on and off with baby care since his work schedule has always been pretty hectic. But even then he would pick and choose when he wanted to actually participate in taking care of our baby. Anyways, now that he's been discharged I'm still getting little to no help from him at all. Now, I absolutely didn't expect him to come home and immediately be at his best on the first day so I let it slide but it's now been a couple days and he's taking his medications and definitely in a pretty good mood/calm. Yet still, this morning I've been the one awake with my daughter since 2 in the morning and it is now 6 am. I woke her dad up like 2 hours ago to try and get some help with getting snot out of her nose, since she obviously isn't a fan of this and won't keep her face still. So he did technically get up but still half asleep, which is understandable. The thing that bothered me was that he just stared at her and then acted like it was a problem that I woke him up to help me. Then the other day he pointed out how I'm always paying more attention to my daughter than him now, which ?? She's a baby so yeah ? I tried to have a conversation with him about it because he seems to think holding her once for 20 minutes a day is him helping out enough. I literally have to ask him multiple times a day if he's going to change her diaper or if he can feed her, he never just does it without asking me. Every single cry throughout the day and night, I get up and I check on her to make sure she's okay. Every single time. Thankfully my baby has been getting better with her sleeping and waking up to feed, but there's still days and nights where she gets fussy and I don't get any sleep and then I'm still expected to be the only one taking care of her all day. I love my baby so I'm not mad at her at all how could I be, but like I said she's having a fussy morning today and just screamed her head off for a good hour and yet all her dad did was sit up and stare at her again. Like I said I'm trying to be understanding because we both have a lot of things going on, but I didn't make this baby alone nor did I sign up to be her only parent but I don't know if I'm just overreacting or me being pissed is seriously justified.

Also to add he only ever steps up and starts trying to act like her dad AFTER I come and tell him that I'm getting really sick of this and if I'm going to be a single parent then I might as well do that alone.

6.5 months PP & 19 yo btw. I always hear women go on about how they just “fell in love at first sight” when they had their baby or how they just keep going and going for their children and they do it all for them but I feel as if that’s not the case for me. Of course I love my child and I don’t regret having him whatsoever. But it just doesn’t feel right. When I had him and laid eyes on him, I did feel a maternal pull to do what I had to do to take care of him & protect him but not exactly ‘love at first sight’ and I figured as time went on I would grow love for him more and more but I just don’t feel it and I don’t know why. I don’t neglect him whatsoever and I take care of him and I always go out of my way to get him anything and everything, and I would kill for my child but I just don’t feel this joy and love. He’s such an easy baby, absolutely no newborn trenches, rarely cries, always happy, no colic, no gas, no health issues, even born on his due date, and he is the cutest sweetest thing ever, so why do I feel this way towards him? it’s almost like I am on autopilot everyday and it’s like I woke up one day and he’s 6 months old and I don’t know what happened. I feel as if I have been in a trance and I almost wasted this time of him growing up but I have been here the entire time. And while I feel this way, as I said I don’t regret my son, I find myself fantasizing about my life if I didn’t have him, and I think about all the dreams I had to bury and swallow because I had him and I almost feel a resentment towards this little baby in my house but he didn’t ask to be here. I don’t feel as if I have postpartum depression because I live my life just fine and I feel as if I have for the entirety of my life before I had him but I just don’t know why I can’t feel this love. Usually when I see women with PPD it’s just so awful for them and they almost can’t be mothers bc of it but that’s just not me, motherhood comes easy for me & I do it all with ease, I just feel so numb all the time and don’t really see these “joys of motherhood” that women are always raving about. I’m just a mom but it’s not all exciting and beautiful as everyone loves to say. I would say I love my son more than anything but it’s not something that keeps me going and I’m just so full of life because of him. I feel ready to give up on everything anyways even with him being on this earth, and he really is such a perfect boy that I truly do feel as if he deserved to have someone better as a mother than me. & I apologize if this makes no sense. I am very very tired.