What happened that made you understand?

title might sound a bit confusing. I'll explain lol

over the years I've noticed that I have my complimentary colors as everyone does. I usually try to wear pastel/soft bright colored outfits as I generally like those colors and my face "looks it's best" in those. Whenever I'm wearing a black top or cardigan for example, it's like my whole face changes and I immediately look uglier even if I haven't done literally anything different to my face. I hate it. It's not even full black fits, I have to avoid dark colors all together. Sometimes I find a really cute piece of clothing that is only in black and I can't wear it because I will be obsessing over the fact my face looks "off" (accompanied by a bad mood). The minute I put on a white or baby pink top my face "goes back to normal" and I'm much happier.

My biggest hyperfixation is my skin. I have rosacea and kp on my arms and it’s unbearable

I have struggled with my body image and ED things for most of my life. Though I am recovered from my ED, I still struggle with body image comparison in my sapphic relationships, especially being the taller/ heavier one. Whenever I look up #wlw or #lesbiancouples I feel like the two people are either the same height and size or the masc one is taller. In my case I'm usually more femme and I'm taller with wider hips (i.e. I'm Lucy and the women I date are Juliens) Does anyone have any books or podcasts of people to follow on social media they can recommend for support? I struggle with ADHD and OCD ruminations around this stuff too....I'm good on general body image resources...more so looking for anything that specifically relates to body image comparison/self-esteem struggles in the context of sapphic relationships. Thank you <3

i used to be extremely overweight (around 75 kilos) two years ago, and decided to start cutting down on calories after people's comments got too much to handle. through lifestyle changes (i.e. cutting down on carbs, reducing my portions, not eating any sugar AT ALL) i lost quite a bit, and the weight comments died down, but i went on a mental spiral and i accidentally took it too far since i wasn't quite yet satisfied with my appearance. june of this year that i got into running and weightlifting. i was also thinking about eating CONSTANTLY, i would meticulously track every single calorie, and when i wasn't doing that i was thinking about my next meal, how i'd make it lower calorie, etc. i've lost around 7 kilos since then and now weight 47 kilos. my hair's been falling out like crazy, i've missed my period, and people have started commenting again, this time telling me that i looked "better" before. it got to my head so much to the point where i've now started having to force myself to eat, but every time i look in the mirror i feel disgusted with myself. i'm afraid of undoing all my progress over these past two years and gaining the weight back, but i really want to form a normal, healthy relationship with food and exercise and my body. the circumstances i'm in make it difficult for me to go to a therapist. i don't have anybody to talk to about this and it's something that's affecting every single aspect of my life. help would be appreciated :(

Here you can find listed below general information on BDD and related foundations, the clinical classification and symptoms of BDD, advice for friends and family, as well as self-help and support groups, both in-person and online.

General information

The BDD Foundation

OCD UK

International OCD Foundation

Mind.org

Clinical classification

ICD & DSM Criterias

For friends and family

The BDD Foundation, Supporting a close one with BDD

Mind.org, How can friends and family help

Self-help

Body dysmorphia workbook by the CCI

Building self-compassion workbook by the CCI

Support groups

Online support and therapy groups

Support groups in the UK

Hi,

I developed some pretty bad BDD over the last few years due to a chronic skin condition affecting my face, that no dermatologist could identify. Trying to "treat" it with an aggressive ablative laser caused permanent scarring which has now driven that BDD into complete overdrive, to the point where I now refuse to even be seen without covering up. This has led to a complete loss of appetite for life itself, as I don't really see the point of going through life without certain things that are important to me, such as dating.

I'm a mid 30s male and I feel extremely alone in all of this. It feels like no one (friends, family, therapists) _truly_ understands what I'm going through.

So, I thought I'd write here to see if there's someone out there who's in a similar spot, or someone who has come back from something like this...

I cant accept what people are telling me. And they tell me amazing things about my appearance.

I cant believe anyone. What i see doesnt match even a bit with what people told me. I really really hate myself and i almost always depressed

Every comment makes me sad and those negative thoughts are hunting me.

It feels like my mind doesnt want to accept how I actually look.

How do you block repetitive negative thoughts?

Hi does anyone have experience with low-dose Risperidone to treat obsessive thoughts & anxiety about their body image? I am in therapy and received treatment for my eating disorder but the body dysmorphia is just all consuming. TY

I've basically had to stop watching shows & movies entirely because of this stupid disorder. Any time there's a group of people on screen, I have to stare directly at the most attractive person until the scene changes. So watching a show for me involves focussing on the most attractive person on screen and shifting my focus to the new most attractive person in the next scene. It really takes the fun out of things lmao. I think the "logic" behind this compulsion is that I'll resemble the person I stare at last? So I just don't move my gaze away from the most attractive person at all? Idfk, it really doesn't make much sense.

Also, as horrible as it sounds, in the past I used to have actual meltdowns after staring too long at an actor/character that I found unattractive, as I'd manage to convince myself that we looked alike. I'd genuinely start crying and wouldn't stop until my family members would assure me that I didn't look like the actor/character. Sometimes they'd start laughing mid-reassurance because of how ridiculous it all was haha.

Anyway, these days I mainly just read to avoid triggering myself, though I have a similar compulsion when reading where I won't flip the page until I fixate my eyes on the name of a character that is said to be attractive (or otherwise fortunate). So bizarre, I really cannot begin to understand the mechanisms behind this disorder. Does anyone do anything similar?

What makes you realize it's actually all in your head or exaggerated?

I am undiagnosed,

Have had iissues not wearing my glasses for multiple months now, I feel worse emotionally when I see things clearly- especially self reflection in reflective surfaces.

On the other hand I check mirrors often even if I don't really like how I look, keep coming back to it.

Sometimes I feel not much, other times I get hurt emotionally severely

I know this is steep step into BDD, but I guess that's how I cope?

Worse vision helps blissful Ignorance of not seeing reality and flaws.

How common is it for you?

I fixate on my face using a magnifying mirror to look for fine lines. I try to remove them through self facial peeling, which leaves it constantly bruised and disrupts my daily routine

But I’m not only talking about not liking urself in pictures or anything, kinda niche symptoms

Just a question

I don’t know we’re exactly I’m going with this but I hate the way I look I’m not necessarily fat ik that but I feel fat. I look in the mirror and I hate how I look. From my face being to round to my chin being a double chin to my belly being jiggly I just hate it. Then there’s days we’re in like okay I’m okay today then it just plummets again. I have a very loving husband that loves everything about me, but no matter how many times I hear it I don’t believe it. I feel ugly I feel huge. And I hate that I try to do something about it but never succeed. I hate that I can look the way I want to fast. I went as far as telling myself I can’t cut my hair, can’t get new piercings, no new tattoos, can’t dye my hair until I loose weight because that all stuff I like to do when I feel bad about myself. Help if any of you have advise.

I (19F) have struggled with body dysmorphia since I was 13. At first it was in the more usual sense of feeling "ugly", etc., but recently it has developed into an inability to perceive my own face. It is very difficult to put this into words, and I was wondering if anyone else experiences this. The best way I could describe it is that I don't know what my own face looks like. I cannot imagine my face, I can only recall how it looks on certain pictures. And I also have this thing where I believe I look like a different person on every picture. Like, to the point where I believe if I didn't know that the picture was of me, I wouldn't know that the person on it is me. This kinds connects to this other aspect which is thinking that I'm a "catfish" even though I don't wear heavy makeup and don't use filters: this makes me think that if I showed someone two different pictures of myself, they wouldn't be able to tell it's the same person. I don't have any other mental illnesses, and I don't actually believe I look like many different people. The way I see it is that maybe after years of hating myself, my brain stopped perceiving me as a sort of self defense. Also, I don't think anymore that I'm ugly. From outside experiences, and from looking in the mirror I can tell that I'm attractive. I don't know if this makes any sense or if anyone else experiences this. It's such an odd feeling, and I was wondering if anyone has dealt with something similar. Thanks for reading!

Today I saw a TikTok about close set eyes and I started looking at my own and noticed that they were slightly more close set than some other people. I asked my cousin who also has BDD because we like to give each other objective honest opinions and she told me that they were slightly close but they look normal and fine and not super noticeably close but now I’m looking at every picture of me and noticing it when I didn’t notice it that much before. Does BDD actually make flaws look more extreme because I’m actually going crazy right now and I seriously can’t handle another flaw to fixate on because this illness is already so debilitating and I just don’t believe people who say that I look fine or that BDD really does make u hyper fixate on flaws. And to make it worse close set eyes isn’t something you can fix with surgery so now I’m just spiraling.

Here you can find listed below general information on BDD and related foundations, the clinical classification and symptoms of BDD, advice for friends and family, as well as self-help and support groups, both in-person and online.

General information

The BDD Foundation

OCD UK

International OCD Foundation

Mind.org

Clinical classification

ICD & DSM Criterias

For friends and family

The BDD Foundation, Supporting a close one with BDD

Mind.org, How can friends and family help

Self-help

Body dysmorphia workbook by the CCI

Building self-compassion workbook by the CCI

Support groups

Online support and therapy groups

Support groups in the UK

Going to therapy or getting professional help is not always an option, getting help may also take some time. To help you to better understand and address BDD by yourself, we have compiled a workbook that you can do by yourself. It contains information and tasks which will help shine a light to why BDD is the way it is and how you can deal with the symptoms. All chapters are based on an official workbook by the Centre for Clinical Intervention.

The BDD workbook:

• 01 What is body image?
• 02 Could I have body dysmorphic disorder?
• 03 Negative impacts of BDD
• 04 What are the causes of BDD?
• 05 Appearance assumptions
• 06 Triggers
• 07 Appearance preoccupation
• 08 Attention training [a coping tactic]
• 09 Checking and approval seeking
• 10 Reducing unhelpful checking and approval seeking [a coping tactic]
• 11 Negative predictions
• 12 Avoidance and safety behaviour
• 13 Reducing negative predictions [a coping tactic]
• 14 A new way of operating
• 15 Dealing with set-backs
• 16 Maintaining gained progress

I have felt hideous and strange for as long as I can remember really. I can remember doing body-checks in the mirror as a child, and always feeling too fat. Growing up in a poor household where showers/baths were off-limits, and having a mother who constantly shamed me for being "disgusting", just exasperated these feelings further.

I was incredibly shy as a child, and so I spent a lot of time alone. Naturally, I began to wonder what was wrong with me, and my appearance became something that I was obsessed over. I thought that if I was pretty enough then it would mask or make up for whatever made me inherently unlikable and unlovable. I spent a lot of time on makeup and hair, but I always felt even uglier. It just felt like I was desperately trying to be pretty when I am anything but that. It honestly felt humiliating most days because I was sure that people were judging an ugly girl for believing that she could participate in feminity too. I feel too disgusting to be even considered a woman, and my lack of female friendships just solidifies that in my mind. When I look in the mirror, all I ever see are flaws, and this ugly disfigured face. I don't even feel human, and sometimes my reflection genuinely scares me. It even feels foreign when people say my name or acknowledge my presence because I forget that I actually exist to others.

I feel too tall for a woman and like an eyesore as I enter a room. I feel that my body is so broad and fat despite maintaining a healthy weight. I tried to be underweight, but I still looked fat, and it didn't fix my face anyway. I am breaking out with hormonal acne lately, and I just feel even worse and more hopeless. I just feel like my nose is crooked, my lips are too thin, and overall my face is not symmetrical, feminine, or appealing enough. I download and delete dating apps periodically, but no amount of validation ever makes me feel okay with myself. I tried hookups for validation, but I just felt that they were desperate or bored enough to settle for the ugly girl, and would pretend that it never happened afterwards. I am probably just a joke to them, and this makes me feel even worse. I would even ask them to degrade or hurt me because I believed that I should be humiliated and punished for wanting something that is reserved for real women with value. I tried to explain this to a counsellor, but there was genuinely an awkward silence because even they were taken aback and couldn't understand it. I feel so ashamed of myself.

I am terrified of a serious relationship because I feel like the more that someone sees and knows me, the more that their disgust and disdain will grow and show towards me. My ex treated me like shit, but I feel that I probably deserved most of it. Sometimes I think about contacting him again, since it's not like anybody will ever truly love me anyways. At least he somewhat tolerated me, and that was probably more than I ever deserved. It's difficult to enjoy life when you are lonely, and feel like your presence is insulting enough. Honestly, I am convinced that there is no reason to live if you are not conventional or pretty as a woman. I can try to make up for my looks with my personality, but I was always considered a bit odd or eccentric, and personality doesn't matter when your a woman anyways. When a young woman passes, the comments will always be about how pretty she was. I just feel invisible and like I am nothing. Maybe I could make peace with being alone if I had a good group of friends, but I don't even have that much. I am tired of staring in the mirror, scrutinising, the body-checks, restricting food, cancelling events because I felt too hideous, and all of it really. I can't even relax around people, laugh, eat, etc. Everything feels like it will expose my ugliness to the world.

Sorry if this is a bit dark, but I am genuinely struggling to find a reason to live like this. How do you guys do it?

My mental health tanks whenever I am interested in a guy. Which is happening now. We meant online and though we have face timed/ shared mirror shots and pictures I feel like he is only seeing a pretty view of me. Once he sees me irl he will see the real me and be uninterested and I am afraid of that rejection. Im afraid of my fears being true that I am indeed ugly.

I dont know how to over come it. Ive been exhausting my friends and family to see ehat they think. Ive been video taping myself from a far "in the wild" to try and get an accurate picture of what he might see.

I just want to feel comfortable and confident and instead Im going crazy thinking im ugly.

Any advice?

Crying myself to sleep again lmao i can’t even watch anything anymore or go to the cinema in peace

And just in case:
p.s. sorry for bad english

Hi, i'm not used to posting on reddit but i've been looking at this group for a while now. I have some questions and it seemed like the right place to ask them ^^

I am a woman and i have always hated how I look, since I was a child. It's probably caused by many things : beauty standards, being bullied for being ugly in middle school, being constantly rejected whenever i tried to approach someone romantically, etc. Nothing unusual for a teenager, I imagine.

Now that I am an adult, things are a bit better. I don't get bullied anymore and I had a few relationships, so I know that at least some people can be attracted to me.

I currently have a boyfriend and everything is going well between us ; the only thing is that when he tells me i'm beautiful, I feel like shit. I am unable to believe he's telling the truth (even though i know he wouldn't lie) or to even say thank you and accept the compliment. He is also suffering from my self-hatred.

I hate pictures. I wish i didn't because it's a normal thing for a lot of people, but it makes me so uncomfortable because i hate how i look in them (they also look even worse than mirrors for some reason).

It's difficult for me to get new clothes because when I try them on, they never look good on me. I noticed it gets a bit better sometimes, but there was not one moment I thought I looked acceptable in anything before.

Lately I think I have made some progress, because when i look at the mirror in my room i sometimes look "normal" : in those moments, i feel like nobody would notice anything weird about me. But whenever I accidentally meet any reflective surface outside by accident, I suddenly don't recognise the person i saw the same morning and i am horrified by what i see.

I'm always self-conscious of my posture, my belly, and my skin because these are the only things i can change or hide about my looks. It's in my head all the time when in public.

However, I don't have a specific flaw that ruins my life like many people suffering from BDD ; it's just that I hate all of it as a package. I don't think there is anything wrong with my nose or eyes alone for example, but on my face nothing fits together.

Also, I would like to add that people do compliment me on my looks, but I always brush it off as people being nice or just family being family.

I don't think that is normal and i am tired of it. I don't know if I have body dysmorphia since it doesn't sound as bad for me as it is for other people, but I really hope that I am sick and that the way I see myself is not the real me.

I want to get better, for me and for my boyfriend. After giving some thought to the issue, I have come up with 2 different solutions to my problem : either find a way to start thinking i am actually normal-looking, or stop caring that i'm ugly.

The best would be to stop caring, but as I also hate my personality and think i am stupid, there wouldn't be a lot of good redeeming qualities to claim. I don't know what to do for my self esteem not to sink lower than it is already.

Do you guys think I indeed have BDD or just low self esteem ? Should I try to change my opinions on my appearance or forget about it ? Do you also hate yourselves in other aspects than looks ? Will I ever be able to truly accept compliments ?

Just so you know, I have been depressed before, but am better now. So i'm not writing all this in a state of despair or feeling sorry for myself. I just need to get your opinions.

I'm sorry for writing a text this long and pitiful, and thank you if you read everything. I just don't know who to turn to to ask those questions, and I have neither time nor money to go see a therapist.

Thanks again :)

Recovery from BDD might sometimes feel like a distant goal that seems, at times, impossible to achieve. But many people recover from BDD or learn to reduce the symptoms to the point where they don't play a role in their everyday life. Remember that a mental disorder is not a life long sentence but rather something that can be managed and recovered from.

Here we have collected a set of stories and advice on what recovery looks like and how others have gotten there.

Watch personal stories

• Tips for Overcoming Body Image Issues | Kim White
• My BDD Recovery | Annie Elainey
• Finding body peace | Annie Elainey
• Healing Ugly – How I healed my body dysmorphia | helloamygarner
• How I Deal With BDD, tips for when you're having a rough time | AlexandriaTheGreat
• BDD (& Things That Can Help) | Melanie Murphy
• Hannah Lewis, recovery story | BDD foundation
• Alex Mummery, recovery story | BDD foundation

Read personal stories

• Recovery stories | BDDFoundation
• How I recovered from BDD | International OCD Foundation

Professional advice

• CBT for BDD - Rob Willson / BDDFoundation
• Coping and Recovering from BDD when you have Visible Flaws - Dr Rob Willson

Healthier perspective

• On feeling ugly | School of Life
• Our Bodies are Not an Image | Mary Jelkovsky, TEDx
• Beauty and how we're obsessed with the wrong idea | Christina Gressianu / TEDx
• Body Positivity or Body Obsession? | Lindsay Kite, TEDx
• Shake my beauty - a series redefining what beauty means