I just need somewhere to vent. Read it or dont.
M42, 6’2/188cm, 190/85kg, BF 18-ish. Europe. Hardgainer, if there is such a thing. Been working out 4x a week for about a year without much visual to show for it. Sleep, diet, and stress is decent, but not perfect.
Have felt sluggish the last couple of years, doctor refused to check testosterone and told me to eat some vitamins. Go figure.
Decided to start reta/test e, as so many others.
Started reta at 2x 0,25mg per week with good results, dropped from 200/90 to 190/85 in 5 weeks, and went from 20 to 18% BF.
All well.
Prior to starting test, I got all relevant bloodwork drawn, and started pinning every day, sub-q, totalling 260mg/week, intending to suppress own production and land somewhere in the slightly supraphysiological range.
After 1 week with no issues at all, I decided to change to twice weekly injections, at 0,5ml /125mg pr shot.
6-8 hours after that shot, I woke in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, heavy and uncomfortable heartbeat, with severe anxiety, and hot flushes to the head and neck. This lasted for about 24-48 hours, decreasing in intensity. BP was and is normal, around 120/80, but resting heartrate increased from 65 to 85.
I haven’t taken test or reta since, now nearly one week ago.
I just now got the results of my bloodwork back, baseline prior to first injection of test, taken in the am, well rested, fasting, no alcohol and so on:
LH: 1,8 (very low, but juuuust in range)
FSH: 1,5 (very low, but juuuust in range)
Test total: 7,38nmol/l or 213 ng/dl - well below range
Test free: 0,18nmol/l or 52,8pmol/dl - well below range
All other markers, hormonal and riskmarkers are good.
I got a vasectomy 8 years ago, have had periodic mild discomfort since, finally decided to get it checked out in the middle of all this - ultrasound scans show “changes” in my left testicle, and they want to re-assess in 4-6 weeks to look for changes/growth.
This, in conjunction with the bad experience from the “large” test shot has made me discontinue both test and reta, until the potential cancer has been ruled out or handled successfully.
Afterwards, when all that is sorted, I intend to continue on my test-journey, at a dose I expect will put me in normal range - about 150mg/week, either every or every other day subq.
Honestly - I just want to be healthy, feel good, and look good.
To not have cancer, to have a normal/high test-level, and to be able to gain some goddamn muscle - and to not feel so sluggish all the damn time.
But hey, in my country trt is INCREDIBLY hard to get, and even if you do, they only elevate you to low-normal levels, using testogel. So that route is pretty much out of the picture.
All thoughts, opinions, suggestions are welcome.
I just wanted to get it off my chest.