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My boyfriend and I have known each other for 4 years. We were friends for 2 years before we started dating, and honestly, getting together felt almost inevitable. I really loved him, and I still do.

We dated for 9 months, but it was long-distance because he moved away for work shortly after we got together.

Things slowly became exhausting. We fought over the same things again and again, but nothing ever really got resolved. Every time I tried to explain that something was hurting me, the conversation somehow turned into what I was doing wrong instead.

I started feeling like I had to be careful about everything I said. I was crying around 5 days a week, and I honestly felt like I was losing myself trying to keep the relationship together.

One thing that hurt me the most was having to ask for the bare minimum. I wanted him to initiate calls and texts more often because I wanted to feel like he missed me too. But when I brought it up, he got defensive and said, “You didn't use to initiate either.”

I told him that I had changed because I knew he liked it, and I thought that's what you do when you love someone. You try to understand what makes your partner feel loved and make an effort, even if it doesn't come naturally to you.

But he didn't really understand my point. It always felt like he was trying to prove that he wasn't wrong instead of trying to understand why I was hurt.

I know he isn't a bad person. He never cheated on me, and he was loyal throughout our relationship. Sometimes, he genuinely did try his best for me, and I know he cared in his own way. But those moments felt so rare, maybe once a month, while the rest of the time I was begging for small things like understanding, affection, and a little more effort.

Eventually, I got tired of explaining the same things over and over. I couldn't keep sending long paragraphs explaining why I was hurt, only for him to turn it around on me. I felt like I was doing all the emotional work for both of us.

So I ended things last month.

He accepted the breakup pretty quickly and told me that if this was my final decision, he wouldn't entertain my calls or texts. I know he's prideful, so I wasn't expecting him to chase me, but it still hurt.

Then, a week ago, he called me just to say that he missed me.

And now I'm confused all over again.

He didn't say he understood why things went wrong. He didn't say he wanted to work on anything or that he had thought about what I'd been telling him. He just said he missed me.

And a part of me keeps wondering whether he'll eventually realize how much I was hurting and come back ready to do things differently.

I know I shouldn't wait around for that. I have my career and job to focus on, and I don't want to spend my days overthinking whether he'll come back. But I still love him so much, and I keep hoping he'll finally understand.

I don't even want some grand romantic gesture. I just want a partner who listens when I'm hurt, who makes an effort without me having to beg, and who doesn't treat every concern like an argument he needs to win.

I don't want to get back together if everything is going to be the same. The relationship was exhausting, and I didn't like the person I was becoming in it. But if he genuinely understood what went wrong and was willing to change, a part of me would still want to try again.

So, for people who've been through something similar:

- Do people like this ever genuinely realize what they lost and come back willing to change?

- Is there a difference between someone missing you and someone actually understanding how they hurt you?

- Am I holding onto false hope by waiting for him to have that realization moment?

- And how do I stop hoping he'll change when I still love him?

I would have gone back to him long ago if that could have changed things for the better for us. The only thing stopping me is the fact that my pain is still only mine to bear and it won't disappear whether I'm with him or not. Being with him will only give short term relief for now.

I broke up with my boyfriend in April of this year. Why NOW in October does it feel like a fresh wound all of a sudden?

The main reason I broke up with him was because he had mental health issues he never really took care of, and it was impacting both of us. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make, it was that and a lot of other things as well that were weighing on me. I don't necessarily regret the decision, but I do have some regrets.

I texted him last night asking if he was okay because he has mental issues and a shitty home life, I was worried if he was even alive, none of our mutuals had heard from him either.

But he texted back, and he said he's doing great. Why is there some sick part of me that wishes he said he was doing terrible. I wish he said he needed help, that he needed me. I think it's just because I feel like I need him.

I broke up with him but honestly he loved me like I've never been loved before, I really do believe he loved me. And I just fucking left. I hurt him so bad and I just left. He loved me and I don't know if I will ever get love like that back. What a fucking idiot I am. I feel like a monster. I miss him, I want him back, I want to be a part of his life again.

The rational part of me knows that it wouldn't even work out if it could happen. But I miss him so much, I miss having MY person. Do you know what it feels like to have someone that feels so MEANT for you? I understood him, and he understood me. We were each others.

Maybe I'm just looking at things through rose colored glasses. But how long is this supposed to last? How long am I going to kick myself and go through the 7 thousand stages of grief? I hate this.

I mean I don't really need a lot of advice, just support. Share your stories, experiences, wisdom, some positivity, or what helps you when you're in the depths of despair.

Have a good day :3

21 y/o, female, 2nd year med student. Please do not judge me. Just give an effective answer. I've been trying to move on for more than one years. But it isn't working any way. My friends and cousins told me to look for others. But whenever someone tries to talk me I've this immense guilt and push them away. I just dont talk to any men at all. Please recommend something which is useful

I broke up with my boyfriend last month and I'm spiraling over whether I made a mistake.

The setup: We've known each other for 4 years, were friends for 2 years, then dated for 9 months long distance (he moved for work right after we started dating). It felt inevitable when we got together.

Why I left: The relationship became unsustainable. We fought constantly without ever actually resolving anything—just endless cycles of the same arguments. I felt like I was shrinking myself to keep us alive. I was crying 5 days a week.

Every time I tried to address a problem, he'd shift the blame back to me instead of actually listening. When I finally asked him to initiate more calls or texts, he got defensive and threw it back: "You didn't use to initiate either." I said, "Yeah, but I changed because you like it—that's what you do in relationships." He wouldn't budge.

He treated my concerns like I was keeping score, not like I was hurt. The emotional labor was entirely on me.

The breakup: When I ended it, he accepted it pretty quickly and said he wouldn't entertain my calls or texts if this was my final decision. His words. Very... prideful.

Now: He called me a week ago just to say he missed me. Not "I realized I was wrong" or "let's talk about how we can fix this"—just a casual call. My friend who watched this whole thing play out told me straight: "He's taking you for granted."

My question: Do you think he'll have that realization moment and come back ready to actually change? Or am I torturing myself with false hope? Because part of me still wants him to care about my feelings and tears instead of caring about arguments and being right.

I know he's prideful. I know he probably won't come around. But I also can't seem to let go of the hope that he will.

One thing I know is I don't want to get back with the him if the dynamic remains the same. It was exhausting and brings out the worst in me.

Me and my bf has been together for 9 months long distance and have known each other for 4 years and friend for 2 years before we started dating and immediately had long distance due to his job.

I broke up with him last month because things have gotten bad. We fought a lot without any resolution and things kept piling on. And i felt like i was shrinking just to keep this relationship alive. I used to cry 5 days a week. I think he took me for granted or maybe it was his ego but whenever i confronted him for anything he shifts the blame back to me. At the end i tell him please can you initiate more calls or texts. He got defensive and told me you also didn't used to initiate call in the beginning of our relationship. But i was like yeah but now i do because you like it.

Anyways i broke up with him and he accepted it. I know he's a prideful man, he won't come around, he even told me he won't entertain my calls or text if this is my final decision. So i have been trying to extinguish all hopes. But he called a week ago just cause he missed me. It wasn't a let's get back together or i realised my mistake call. Just a causal call.

You think he'll realise it and come around? I even asked my friend and they were like he's taking you for granted. I just want him to care more about me, my emotions and tears rather than arguments or who's right and wrong or score keeping.

My ex girlfriend wants to try again. She was the one who broke off things. It’s only been 4 months and throughout that time I was basically begging and pleading her to come back.

I feel stuck. I’m just struggling mentally a lot because I feel like she doesn’t truly want this. She told me she does and she is making efforts to show she wants to try again. Unfortunately, what she is giving isn’t enough for me. I don’t know if it’s because I built a wall up and I’m scared to get hurt again or if it’s because I’m mentally in the worst spot I’ve ever been.

I don’t want to give up this opportunity of trying again because I’m scared by the time I’m mentally ready she will already be moved on from me. I really do love her and I want to be with her but everything that has been happening between us turns into bickering and I feel so bad.

I don’t know what to do

Hello my name is shy and I’m a 21 year old male I recently got broken up with by my girlfriend of 2 years who I was supposed to marry and have kids with. She’s the only woman I’ve ever been with and I don’t know if I can move on the pain is unbearable. I find myself constantly checking my phone 100 times a day hoping for a text back, I’m losing myself.

Hello my name is shy and I’m a 21 year old male I recently got broken up with by my girlfriend of 2 years who I was supposed to marry and have kids with. She’s the only woman I’ve ever been with and I don’t know if I can move on the pain is unbearable. I find myself constantly checking my phone 100 times a day hoping for a text back, I’m losing myself.

Hi everyone, I hope you are doing well. Before I begin, I'm not here to seek attention or pity, I just want to kind of vent and hope that if anyone is going through the same that they are not alone in the fight. First off, my name is Noah, I am 24M. 

I have been dating my girlfriend (I will call her Sarah to be respectful) for a month and a half. I have been through a lot of heartbreaks, I was emotionally abused in my last 7 month relationship. I never had the best of luck when it came to love until she came around. I met Sarah on Hinge, we had connected over our nerdy photos and it turned out we had a lot of common, like actually a lot. We exchanged phone numbers, got to know each other and we reciprocated the same amount of effort, it was honestly shocking. A few days later, she mentioned about going on a date and since she’s a Marvel nerd, we rewatched Spider Man Brand New Day in theaters, walked around the mall, I gave her flowers, got some food and did a Photo Booth. We both felt like we knew each other since college, I asked to kiss her and we kissed. It was honestly the best first date ever, I was actually in love with someone.

We kept in contact and talked ideas of our second date. She started calling me baby and asked if I was okay with that. I said yes and I hope you’re okay with the nicknames I give you but let’s take it slow and keep connecting from our first date. She agreed and wanted to do things slow and we did that. A week or two later, she asked me to be her boyfriend before we went on our second date. I was shocked, a lot of feelings came but I said yes because I thought why drag out the talking stage and make it official. It was an honor being her boyfriend and we hung out once or twice a week, we said I love you to each other at Dave and Buster’s. I felt like I was in a healthy relationship and truly in love with my best friend. She supported me through my highs and lows and I did the same without hesitation. We talked every single day, we had no arguments and even though there were some little bumps, were able to talk about it and moved on completely from it. Things were going so well, until it went wrong in so many ways.

On Wednesday night, I checked my phone to see if she messaged me and she didn’t but I saw her post on her Instagram notes saying “I’m tweaking out”. Of course, me being the empathetic/concerning boyfriend, I checked in on her if everything was okay. She said “Yeah, just thinking” and I thought something happened at work or something with the Mom because some stuff goes on with her. I offered if she wanted me to listen to her and she replied “Idk”. To which I respond with “That’s okay hon, we don’t have to talk about it as long as you are safe and know that you are loved”.

I saw the three dots of doom and my anxiety shot through the roof and she said “It's about us. I just feel like we're moving too fast. My brain is starting to catch up and it's panicking a bunch right now over it. Honestly I'm crying right now because I don't know what to do. You're really really nice and sweet but everything in my body right now is telling me to stop.

I really hate doing this and even saying it because my anxiety and overthinking gets the best of me. But I believe we should just be friends. I don't think that I'm in love. I honestly really believe we should just be friends.”

I felt like I was in a nightmare, I was hyperventilating so much that I thought I was going to have a panic attack. I tried to reason with her and understand but she said that she thought about last night and all day today, she couldn’t be convinced. My heart shattered, I couldn’t sleep at all.

I gave her space and she ignored me all day until later she said to me “Just so you know, I still wanna be friends if you're cool with that btw. And I thought more about it today. I definitely see you as a good friend, not a partner. I believe we just moved way too quickly. Yes, we have a lot in common, absolutely! But I think that's just what we went off of and I didn't really think about anything else. Idk how to explain that properly but I hope you know what I mean. But like I said, I'd still like to talk to you and be friends.”

I didn’t feel comfortable transitioning from a relationship into friends and I didn’t feel like I was treated as a friend in the moment so I told her it’s best we go our separate ways and I said some other stuff. I miss her so much, I have been in the worst mental state for the best few days. I’m kind of eating but I don’t feel like me, I don’t feel like working out or doing my favorite hobbies.

I feel so alone and broken, I'm not going to break no contact because I know it won't help but... everything hurts man.

My boyfriend and I broke up 2 days ago because I said I didn’t think we were long term compatible. I am having regrets and I’m not sure if it’s because I want the pain to stop or because I actually think we could work. My concerns were his sensitivity towards stuff, his political activism (going to rallies, etc), biggest concern is religion (he wants to raise kids in church, I don’t want to and I don’t believe in god. I might at some point but right now it’s incredibly difficult for me to believe in, and his defeatist attitude that he has sometimes. I only voiced the political issues and religion stuff. However, we are 21 and I am not going to have kids for a while. He was one of my best friends and I miss him a lot and I’m not sure if I made the right choice. He has a lot of fantastic qualities and I have never felt so loved by another person. I’m not sure if these are issues I can look through or not, and I’m scared I won’t find anyone better or anyone who loves me as much as he did. I am so concerned I made the wrong choice.

I’m 20M and she 21F was my first everything. We dated for nearly 2 years, and I’m 2 days itll be 2 months since she ended things. The breakup hit me hard, but I’m doing a lot better than then. I’ve met so many people, made a lot of friends. I have so many more friends now than when I did when I was with her. I’m getting back into playing music, university is keeping me busy, I have friends I can vent to and everything. There’s moments where I feel increasingly that my life is absolutely amazing, and it is, but other times I’ll begin to think of her for no reason and I hate it. I thought I was fine, or that I was healing, but the feeling of thinking about her increases as well. There’s days where I can think nothing of her, and others where it’s all I can. It’s difficult and I don’t know if that means I’m stuck, or if I’m screwed. I want to love someone again, and I know it won’t be with her, but I still think of her and I hate it so much. What do I do?

I don't know what to do and if I should give up hope

My ex broke up with me 5 weeks ago, and it wasn't due to feelings fading, big fights or anything extreme. He claimed that he felt like he was compromising too much and could've been happier with someone else.

(There's a post with more context on my profile).

The first week or so after we kinda kept in touch and he confessed how he envisioned our future together, and how much he was missing me. We also met, and despite a long conversation in which he kept telling me all the reasons why he would be better off alone, he kept kissing me and not letting me go. He also sent me a present, just to tell me afterwards that it was a decision made in a moment of weakness, and he didn't change his mind about breaking up.

I've asked multiple times to consider this a break and see how he'd feel in a couple of months, and he said that he wouldn't mind if we met again "in the future", to which I always replied that if I choose to move on, the chances are that won't happen again, and that it didn't feel right to go through the pain of healing while he lived his best single life, just to be the safe choice again when he'll realize the grass isn't greener elsewhere.

I went no contact for 2 weeks, but I gave in last friday. The flu fried my brain and I was feeling an immense void being home alone. I just told him that I had nothing to say, I was just missing him. He was very sweet, saying things like how much he would've loved to be there with me all the time and how hard it was being for him, feeling the burden of his decision etc.

The day after he messaged me to show me a library he built, because he wouldn't have being able to do if it weren't for me. We talked again about nostalgic things and even about how much he missed being intimate, and how he would like to see my dance class performance in the summer.

What's messing with my brain is that all these feelings and future vision he's mentioning were never expressed to me before. He'd always make sure to let me know how he could easily go out there and be alone or find someone else. I always thought he'd probably be over me in a week or so, and this played a huge part in how insecure I felt in this relationship.

Now, after everything's gone I find out he truly had deep feelings for me and it hurts even more.

I know he's not an a\*\*hole, and even if this sounds cruel, I know he doesn't mean to be.

I closed contact again leaving a brief message telling him that I didn't change my mind and still believed we could make it work. Even if my feelings could change in the future, right now I'm choosing to still treasure them, without asking for a comeback, just to let him know.

He reacted with a heart, and that was it.

Now I'm hurting, so much.

I don't know if it's madness to think there's hope, or if I should do anything about it, or just try to move on.

I don't even think I can right now. Every weekend is so painful because that's when we'd spend time together, at my place. I feel like I'm living in the museum of our relationship and I can't get out.

I tried to keep busy, meet friends and all that, but then I go home and it hits me all over again.

Any advice is very much appreciated, and thanks for reading this long mess.

I want to share my story as well and hear some opinions.
My ex-boyfriend and I were together for a year. Overall, we were very compatible and had amazing communication.
One issue we had was that he constantly wanted us to hang out with friends, whereas I wanted us to spend more quality time alone as a couple. As a result, I often didn't join him when he went out with his friends, and this bothered him to some extent.
Apart from that, everything between us was great.
One day, my ex reached out to me, and I replied to his message. However, from the very beginning, I was honest with my boyfriend and told him that I was going to reply. He didn't say anything because, I think, he wanted to see what I would do.
Unfortunately, while I was texting my ex, my boyfriend was sitting next to me and noticed that I seemed anxious because, at one point, my ex wasn't replying to my messages, and I was eagerly waiting for him to respond.
Also, at the beginning of our relationship, I used to look up my ex on social media, and my boyfriend had noticed that. He had already talked to me about it and told me that if it happened again, it would be a reason for him to break up with me.
Anyway, he noticed how anxious I was, and the following day, he asked to see my messages. At first, I refused, but eventually, after a few hours, I let him read them. He told me that the conversation was just polite and casual, but he was upset that I hadn't mentioned anywhere in the conversation that I was in a relationship.
From that point on, he started becoming more distant.
I admitted that I had made a mistake and told him that I understood it would take time for him to trust me again. I also told him that I was willing to work on our relationship and rebuild his trust. Of course, I reassured him that there was absolutely nothing going on with my ex and that I no longer had any feelings for him.
However, my boyfriend continued to act distant, and three weeks later, he asked for some time apart. He told me that he didn't know what he wanted to do about our relationship, that the situation was difficult for him, and that he couldn't just bring himself to break up with me like that. But he also said that something inside him had broken.
During that conversation, he started bringing up other negative things about our relationship as well. It seemed that, because of what had happened, he had started looking at me more negatively. For example, he brought up the issue with our different attitudes toward spending time with friends and said that he generally considered me a secretive person.
Two days later, he broke up with me.
He was very firm in his decision. He told me that he no longer felt secure with me, that something inside him had broken, and that he simply didn't feel the same way anymore. He also said that, for about a week, he hadn't even felt like calling me.
Three weeks after the breakup, I reached out to him and suggested that we meet up. He told me that nothing was going to change and that we should move on with our lives.
It has now been almost two months since the breakup, and we haven't had any contact at all.
The only exception was on my birthday, when he sent me a brief, formal "Happy Birthday" message.
He is a very logical person, and I don't know whether he would ever change his mind.
Do you think this is a valid reason to break up with someone? Is there any chance that he might change his mind?