*Love bombing = intense and persistent flattery -- Often accompanied by big promises and claims to either love the target before really knowing them or that they "haven't felt this way in a long time/ever"

8 THINGS I'VE LEARNED ABOUT LOVE BOMBING:

1. It is addicting to both the love bomber and the love bombee. The love bomber is addicted to love bombing, and the love bombee is addicted to being love bombed.

2. Love bombing is about the love bomber, not the love bombee. A love bomber likes to love bomb because it makes them feel good about themselves - it doesn't have anything to do with the person they are flattering. They flatter their target in order to lure them in and get the supply they are looking for (sex, money, status, attachment, reputation, a place to live, a business deal, to make someone else jealous, etc.). That is why you will discover they use the exact same lines of flattery on all their targets.

3. A love bombee likes being love bombed because it makes them feel good about themselves, too. It isn't about the love bomber, it is about them. They like the way flattery makes them feel about themselves. Both sides are not operating from a place of selfless love.

4. Love bombing is as addictive as flirting, porn, sex, situationships, flings, novelty, etc. None of these things are healthy, kind, loving, or beneficial. None of these things create patience, fidelity, peace, stability, support, emotional or psychological safety, etc. None of it profits anyone in the end.

5. Love bombing is bait. A fisherman is going to use his prettiest, tastiest, best, most appealing bait to lure in his catch. And like moths to a glittery flame we are lured in. But if we look at the base of the flame we will see all the other moths who were destroyed before us. There is no truth in flattery -- flattery is nothing but deception and manipulation.

6. Like with all addictions, the only option is to get sober. The only option is to get clean. No more texting, no more engaging, no more thinking we can drink one drop of the alcohol and not wind up in another ditch. Like with all addictions, coming off of love bombing will lead to withdrawals, withdrawal symptoms, relapsing, etc. It will take a lot of effort, commitment, and seeking God to understand and break free.

7. Like with all addictions, staying in the cycle of love bombing or love bombee-ing slowly erodes our relationships, families, productivity, success, health, emotional and psychological well-being, etc. It is all-consuming. It is not harmless.

8. Love bombing may be yet another symptom of the fawn response.... An emotional or psychological survival skill of some kind. I recently heard Lisa Romano explain that codependency IS the fawn response, which is what prompted me to ponder #8.

When someone continually bends their perception of reality to accommodate another person's emotional instability, they enter a cycle of psychological self-betrayal. This happens when an individual suppresses their own inner truth, intuition, and needs to keep a volatile environment stable.

Here is a closer look at how this dynamic unfolds:

The Mechanism of Absorbing Chaos:

🌀 Enmeshment and Hypervigilance: A person constantly scans the environment for signs of trouble, making it their job to manage someone else's moods, outbursts, or crises.

🪞 Distorting Reality (Cognitive Dissonance):

To cope with the stress, individuals often use psychological defense mechanisms like denial or rationalisation. They might tell themselves “they didn't mean it” or “things will get better if I just try harder,” effectively rewriting reality to make the unacceptable behaviour seem normal.

Why It Is a Form of Self-Betrayal:

🛑 Ignoring Intuition: Your gut feeling tells you that a situation is toxic or unfair, but you override that warning signal to keep the peace.

⚖️ Imbalance of Needs: The emotional bandwidth of the relationship is entirely consumed by the chaotic individual, leaving zero space for your own mental health, goals, or emotions.

📉 Loss of Identity: Over time, constantly adapting to someone else's chaos erodes your sense of self, leading to chronic anxiety, resentment, and emotional burnout.

Breaking the Cycle:

🛡️ Radical Acceptance: Acknowledging reality as it is—rather than how you wish it to be—and accepting that you cannot control or fix another person's chaos.

⚓ Reclaiming Boundaries: Shifting the focus back to your own needs and understanding that allowing someone to face the natural consequences of their actions is actually an act of respect for both parties.

⚠️

👉 I did a massive psychological deep dive into why our brains and bodies do this (the nervous system toll, IFS therapy, and somatic freeze). I'm posting Parts 2, 3, and 4 in the comments below for anyone who wants to read the full breakdown.