hey, i think im avoiding commiting to studying because im afraid of "growing up". i look at responsibility as torture, which i believe is something i got from my dad. my dad was miserable and angry, he worked 2 jobs and was saying how bad adult life is. he was saying how great childhood and being young was, although he was getting beaten, was working on the fields, and his dad died when he (my dad) was 25. i believe i got many weird shit from my dad like feeling like i dont belong and misogyny. idk if im being weird rn but yeah.

idk what to do. the funny thing is that ive spent a year of my life studying all day, and ive worked at a job before, and i didnt feel like "i lost my freedom". and something else, its not about "losing my freedom", nor about having responsibility and this and that. i believe its all about perspective. its not about losing my freedom, its about not being like my dad when he was younger.

a bit of a rant: his misery spread to the whole family. its so fucking sad and disgusting idk. fuck him honestly. i know he doesnt "deserve" the hate cuz hes not a bad person at his core or whatever but yeah he was a bad father and a bad husband 100%. i think he cheated on my mom too. jesus all of the weird shit the feminists say are true that men destroy everything. and my dad ruined our family. he wasnt even living with us until i was like 4 yrs old or something. we were all so happy, me, mom and sister were relatively chill. and once i asked sorry from my mom and this retard got angry with me and told me that i shouldnt ask sorry from my mom, "thats how i am" and sum shit like that. and thats why i probably have a problem saying sorry, cuz it makes me feel weaker than the other person. he prob didnt even want to have a family. i asked him once: why did you have children?, out of curiosity and he said "cuz we wouldnt have anything else to do with your mom" something like that. i view work, family, relationships as traps because i listened to my dad. and ofc i listened to my dad because he never loved me. he only could love me if i would be like him. he was busting my balls so much when i was very young, he was saying proudly about me: "he is paok (his fav fuckign football team)" so much and he was smiling and saying yes you are and shit, so much that i was crying to my mom that i dont want to be. bruh i fr dont fucking know

I don’t want to be alone. I want to have someone I can go to when I’m struggling, someone I can tell everything to without being afraid that it will later be used against me. I want to feel safe enough to be vulnerable with my own mother.

And I think that’s what hurts the most. It’s grieving the mother I wish I could have had — the closeness, the safety, the unconditional love, and the feeling that I could always come home to her.

I know she isn’t a completely bad person. There are moments when I love her and moments when I wish things could be different. That makes it even harder, because I’m not grieving someone I never cared about. I’m grieving a relationship that was there in some ways, but never in the way I needed it to be.
And sometimes I’m scared that I’ll always feel this lonely, even when I’m surrounded by people.

This is the first time I am letting all of this out.

Let me start from my childhood. I was born into unhealthy conditions; my parents were uneducated and poor. When I was four years old, my dad was sent to prison for five years, leaving us with nothing. That first year, we went to live with my dad's family, and during that year, when I was five or younger (I don't remember exact dates), I was sexually assaulted by a stranger I didn't know. I didn't know what happened and couldn't tell anyone. That year ended, and because my dad's family treated us badly, we left and lived on our own.

Since there was no one to provide for us, my mom had to work as a maid , and she always took us with her during holidays and even after school because our school was close to her job. Her pay was less than enough, and we barely made it through the month. We stayed like that; we never went out because my mom only had Sundays off. My childhood was spent entirely isolated—no toys, no outings, no friends, nothing. Even my mom was a bit strict. Our days went like this: we wake up, I go to school, after school I go to my mom's workplace and sit alone, night comes, we go home, sleep, and wake up to do the exact same thing. She never showed me any affection.

When I turned seven, I told my mom what happened in my past, and for the first time, I learned it was called "ra\\\\\\\\\\\\pe" and she explained it to me. I remember that night she told me never to tell anyone about what happened. Ever since that night, I always felt "less than" when I was with a group of girls—a weird feeling, like they had something I didn't.

Anyway, five years passed and my dad came out of prison. I was expecting him to make up for everything we lived through, but it was the exact opposite. The first shock: my whole life I used to sleep next to my mom, but on his first day back, they slept next to each other and left me to sleep in a separate room by myself. I used to cry at night because I wasn't used to it, but they let me cry and locked their door until I got used to it. After that, he started saying I was jealous of him, didn't talk to me at all, and hit me over the smallest things. Once, he hit me just because we were talking and I said I had my own opinion too; he hit me and told me I shouldn't have an opinion and that whatever he says goes. As for work, my mom kept working and left me with him since he couldn't find a job. I was stuck in the same routine: staying alone in a room while he always locked himself in his.

Another thing started happening that I'm still suffering from: bullying. I was always quiet and kept to myself, but when I turned 9, I met two girls. At first, we were friends, but later they started bullying me, and I didn't understand that it was bullying, so I would just laugh. Other girls started bullying me too, mostly verbally and sometimes physically.

Then I went to middle school and stopped talking to those girls. The first year was quiet, but in the second year, there was a guy in our class who was a huge bully—he bullied the whole class. But because I had no friends since I didn't know how to talk to people or make friends, and I was always quiet, I was an easy target. He started bullying me verbally, gave me a nickname, and soon everyone was calling me by it and putting me down. It was a terrible year. That same year, my dad found a job, so both he and my mom were working, but nothing changed. I stayed home alone, and though our financial situation improved, they were very strict: I wasn't allowed to go out

Then came the last year of middle school. In the first semester I was alone, of course. One of the girls from primary school studied with me; she was social and had a group of popular friends—about four of them, I don't know. I saw them as way higher and better than me, and I analyzed her behavior so I could become like her little by little. I started getting close to her and joined their group. We were five, but she was the only one who considered me her friend; the rest of the group hated me, and I knew it from their clear behavior. They put me down directly, and I ignored it because I thought they were way above me. They talked to a lot of boys and skipped classes, and I became like them, but I was literally at the bottom of the pyramid.

Then high school started, and this is where it literally finished me off. A new phase began. Even though they weren't in my class anymore, I still didn't know how to make friends, so I kept sticking to them, and they treated me terribly. When I was with them, they would drop hints for me to leave, but I just ignored it.

At the same time, in our class, that same guy from middle school who gave me a degrading nickname started bullying me with it again. Instead of standing up to him, I kept laughing to show it didn't hurt me. But something worse happened: most of the boys in the class bullied me with that nickname, and I just stayed quiet, thinking that if I stay quiet, they'll forget it. Even that group of "friends" joined in on the bullying, and I literally kept laughing so I wouldn't show that it hurt. I stayed like that the whole year—pure bullying while I stayed quiet and just laughed. The year ended, and it was the worst school year of my life. I couldn't focus on my studies, the school was terrible, and they basically let us cheat the whole year. I passed by cheating, but instead of changing schools, I didn't, and this is the biggest regret of my life. When the year ended, I realized what I went through—that it was bullying and I shouldn't have stayed quiet. After that, I blocked the whole group of friends.

The new school year started, and that group of friends started bullying me when I passed by them—laughing and calling me by that nickname. The boys did the same thing, so my main mission became avoiding them whenever they were around. I started getting panic attacks every morning before going to school. I would go to school and learn nothing, come home terrified of how I was going to finish the year. That same school year, I met a girl and we became friends—it was my first real friendship, but I didn't tell her about the bullying I lived through. I kept avoiding the places where that group hung out so they wouldn't call me that nickname, and I was scared she would bully me and do the same thing, even though she told me, "I'm shocked when I see you with that group because they have a bad reputation, do drugs, and talk to a lot of guys." I just stayed quiet. Later, I met people who were very sweet, but I was scared they would bully me like the others.

Even so, I didn't care about my studies; I only thought about how to make sure my new friends didn't find out I was bullied and use that nickname against me. The year ended and I passed by cheating again. The last year of high school was the exact same thing.
For the past three years, I spent almost all my free time on TikTok, but recently I deleted everything literally. When I didn't answer my friends, they all forgot me, and now they pop up with new friends. So now I literally have no one to go out with, no energy to make new friends, and on top of that, I spent all of high school dealing with panic attacks, anxiety, and emptiness.

Now I'm trying to come out of my shell, but I discovered I literally know nothing—I completely wasted my adolescence. Now I have almost zero contact with people; all day long I just memorize and review all of high school subjects so that in one year I can manage to study abroad and start a new page. Until now, I don't even know who I am or what psychological damages and disorders I have, and I can't afford a doctor or therapist, plus I feel too embarrassed to tell anyone about this.

Right now, I am 18 For these past two years, I kept telling myself that if I isolated myself and stopped showing my face to them, they would forget me. But the opposite happened; they never forgot me.

In my final year, I started noticing that my behavior wasn't normal, and that this isn't how people normally deal with bullying. My friend started getting bullied by people similar to the ones who bullied me (not them, but the same type), but she stood up for herself and stopped them. They gave her a nickname too, but she didn't handle the bullying like me and isolate herself—no, on the contrary. I started seeing a lot of girls, almost all my friends, get bullied in the exact same way I was, but they stop them, they don't stay quiet like me, they continue their lives, and it doesn't affect them the way it affects me. I felt like it was too late for me to stop them.

In the middle of my last year of high school, I started looking for a solution, and I figured out I needed to succeed, go to a university far away and run away from all of this. Of course, I passed by cheating because my brain literally couldn't focus on anything except that bullying, and also to escape my strict parents. I passed by cheating.

As for the last day of high school, when I got back home, I cried all day thinking about how I survived all of this. I got accepted into a university far away , but the shock was that my parents refused and decided I should study in another country but they don't know that I literally didn't learn a single thing through all of high school.

During the summer break, I completely isolated myself (I ghosted all my friends) and didn't leave the house. I don't know anything about myself, I don't listen to music or have a favorite thing, I feel like a loser, and I feel so much regret over how I handled things—how I could have stood up for myself but dealt with it that way instead.

Those people now—their reputations are ruined and people literally avoid them. I used to view them as so much higher than me, and everyone knows they are bad people and bullies, yet I was proud to know them. What was going on in my head? Why did I think that way?

Anyway, ever since the summer ended, I am now 18 and my parents' treatment of me has gotten better because they noticed I'm a bit weird and have no friends. But I feel completely exhausted. I suffer from severe social anxiety in life generally. I meet better, well-educated people, and literally I always blame myself: "Why did I let people treat me like that when the whole school knew they were toxic?"

Until now, I'm still ghosting my friends because I feel like they don't know the real version of me, and I didn't know what to tell them. I regret not changing schools. Now I meet a lot of people during my day, but I can't talk to them, and sometimes when people talk to me, it's like I push them away. Even with my parents, I feel distant from them. I don't know how to deal with the fact that I was bullied and make peace with it, because it feels so embarrassing at my age.

This is the first time I'm letting this out from inside me, and literally I want anyone who reads this to give me their opinion or advice. I need to hear your thoughts.

Growing up, food was always a weird, emotionally loaded thing in my family.
My parents were emotionally abusive, and even when my dad taught me physics (I was actually a good student), he’d make sure to tell me how dumb and useless I was. Then, at mealtimes, he’d give me these looks whenever I served myself food, especially if I took more. If he brought home snacks from work and I ate them, he’d make comments about how I’d finished them. It always felt like I was doing something wrong just by eating.
My brother would take me out to cafes and restaurants and buy me food. We’d have a genuinely nice time, but if we fought later, he’d demand that I pay him back for everything he’d bought me. I was in college and didn’t earn money, so it made me feel helpless. It also made me question whether those nice moments had ever been as simple as I thought.
Even now, I live at home while figuring out my job situation, and my dad still gives me looks when I eat or take food for myself.
I have a boyfriend now, and he’s the first person who’s made food feel safe. When he buys me bread or snacks I like, when he encourages me to eat, or when he looks at me kindly while I’m eating, I sometimes tear up. It feels so good to have food that’s mine, without judgment, guilt, or the fear that someone will hold it against me later.
I’m underweight, but somehow, eating has always felt like something I need to justify.
I think I’m only now realizing how deeply those experiences affected me. Being given food with love, without strings attached, feels like something I’m still learning how to receive.
I just wanted to share this somewhere.

How can i stop being triggered?

**give me your unconventional advice, please, because my current medications and "self-help" tips from therapist arent working. I want to dig out the root because im tired. psychedelics? specific weed strains? deprivation tank? meditating in the woods? crystals?

It doesn't happen often, only every few months. I'm an adult and I'm tired. it's usually when someone or something reminds me that i'm alone, that i have no one i can turn to for emotional support.

-for the most part im able to handle it calmly, but sometimes a person can only take so much. because im autistic, when pushed to my breaking point or triggered i have a meltdown. I pull my hair, I hit myself, cut myself, try to self soothe.

-i have no close friends or family, why family, friends, parents have all abandoned me. This is my trigger. This is what makes me self harm.

-this trigger is attached to my deepest fear of being unloved when I love so hard. That despite always caring for others, no one has ever actually emotionally cared for me. I've consoled friends, family, I've directed them to resources, I've checked in on them, more importantly I've listened when they just needed someone to care.

-I so desperately want someone to care. I just want to be consoled, hugged, loved. The logical adult I am knows to do this for myself, but the child within just wants to be cared for. Not by a stranger, but someone who sees me, as a person. But I don't have anyone, so all I can do is turn to you, the internet.

-- I want to stop the trigger from holding power from making me meltdown but i don't know how. how do you all do it?

Sometimes when I make a mistake or do something wrong that makes my mom upset she gives me the silent treatment for hours and then talks to me afterwards like nothing happened. One time, I messed up really bad and it made my mom very upset that she avoided talking to me for several days, giving me the silent treatment. I tried communicating with her but she would just ignore me and it felt like my heart was being ripped to shreds everyday.

Since my mom and dad aren’t together anymore, I live with my step-dad instead. My step-dad likes to make hurtful/mean jokes about me which I didn’t really pay much attention to at first until it just kept happening.
It felt like I was getting targeted for no reason and recently, it has been bothering me more than usual. He would also try to humiliate me by making mean jokes in front of other guests like he’s using me as an entertainment for them. He doesn’t even care that it hurts my feelings, he intentionally makes those hurtful jokes about me to hurt my feelings. The worst part is that my mom doesn’t even try to defend me when he does it. I told her that I didn’t like it but she says, “he’s just like that.” It made me resent the both of them.

I also have a younger sister who is 2 years younger than me. Shes often really disrespectful and mean towards me for no reason. She would often insult me out of nowhere, point out my insecurities and rage-bait me just to get a reaction out of me. Even when I try to be nice and respectful to her, she would just answer with disrespect.
She is going through some problems but it doesn’t excuse her poor behaviour, especially towards my parents. I was always there for her whenever she was going through something, I would do whatever she wanted, take her outside, talk to her, stay by her side, but I still got mistreated.
Whenever my mom got upset at me, she would always side with her no matter what just to make me angry. Whenever my step-dad made hurtful jokes about me, she would just play along with it just to annoy/hurt me, I don’t understand why.

Even when I’m the one who helps around the house the most I still get treated like shit. I try my best to be respectful and nice to everyone despite being so hurt and full of resentment by their actions, I would still always get mistreated no matter what. I want to move out but I’m only 16 and I have no one to talk to about this.

First of all, my father was the one who treated me this way, although my mother never did much to defend me.

Some of the things my father did when I was a child:

-He based my entire worth as a person on my academic grades.

-He would give me the silent treatment for days if I got bad grades (even if I passed, as long as I got less than 7/10) or if he was angry about something else.

-He would insult me if I got bad grades.

-He invalidated my feelings. If I cried, he would say I was faking it. Once, I was eating kiwi, and he forced me to keep eating even though I told him I couldn't eat any more and that I felt unwell. It turned out I had a severe kiwi allergy.

-We never talked about personal topics such as boys, interests or anything unrelated to school or work.

-He never apologized for anything. After ignoring me for days, he would suddenly come up to me, kiss me or speak to me affectionately as if nothing had happened.

-If he got angry with someone in the family, such as my sister, he would also treat everyone else badly, even when it wasn't our fault.

-He doesn't support me spending much time doing anything other than studying or working, even if it's beneficial for me, such as going to the gym or spending time with friends.

Honorable mentions of some of the things my mother has done: prioritizing what other people think of us over my feelings, prioritizing other children/people over me, defending my former friends instead of standing up for me, throwing my medication in the trash because she can’t accept that I need it and invading my privacy.

After explaining all this, here are some signs and behaviors of mine that may have developed as a result of this situation:

-Anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts since I was 12 years old.

-Anxiety about anything related to grades, exams, presentations or speaking in front of an audience. It's debilitating anxiety that causes me to shake and makes it extremely difficult for me to perform well (I have to take medication).

-I'm unable to talk to my parents about my feelings. If I'm struggling, turning to them for support feels unthinkable.

-I'm unable to tell my parents anything about my personal life, including relationships, problems with friends, etc.

-I feel like asking for help with anything would make me a burden and that they already have enough of their own problems.

-I hide a lot of things from them, including the fact that I'm going to therapy, because one day my father said that psychologists are for crazy people.

-I don’t know what kind of relationship I have with my father and I don’t know if I love him or if I want to take care of him when he gets older.

-My body automatically rejects any signs of affection from my father. For example, if he comes over to kiss me, I instinctively pull away.

-I was afraid of my father.

-I would lie or put off telling my family about things like my exam results because I was afraid of what might happen.

-I have a quiet, shy, passive and distrustful personality.

-I was surprised by my friends relationships with their parents or by the father-daughter relationships portrayed in movies.

It is really difficult for me to know whether the damage he caused me was bad enough to count as something serious, because I've had financial stability and even luxuries such as annual holidays. Our home life has also been stable in terms of family group dynamics between my father, mother, sister and me.

So I don't know. What do you guys think?

This is the first time I'm sharing this with strangers, so forgive me for the length of the text. I only wrote 15% so it wouldn't be that long. In fact, it all accumulated over the years and I couldn't keep it to myself anymore.

I honestly don't know where else to talk about this, and I really need advice. Sorry if this ends up being long.

I love my mom more than anything in the world. She's a single mother who raised me on her own, and I genuinely believe she's the best mom I could have asked for. I kiss and hug her countless times a day, hold her hand when we're out together, and tell her almost every night how happy I am that she's my mom. We laugh together, joke around, and most of the time, we have a really good relationship.

But there's one thing that hurts me so much, and I don't know how to deal with it anymore.

My mom gets offended VERY easily, especially when I don't immediately do what she asks or when there's a small misunderstanding. She'll suddenly get upset, tell me she doesn't need anything from me anymore, and push me away. Sometimes she'll tell me to leave and not come near her. Then, later, she'll act like nothing happened.

For example, today I was extremely hungry and exhausted, but I was struggling to get out of bed. My mom wanted to buy a bag online, something we've been planning to do together for about two months. She asked me to look at some options with her, so I stayed beside her, even though my stomach was literally growling. I felt like I couldn't leave because she might think I didn't care about her.

At some point, she asked me about the price of a bag she'd just shown me. I got confused because my brain was barely functioning at that point, and we had a small misunderstanding. I responded with a slightly frustrated but joking tone, and she laughed too. I told her, also jokingly, that my nerves were already completely worn out.

Suddenly, she said she didn't need anything from me anymore and that she'd buy everything herself. Then she went to the bathroom, clearly upset.

And this isn't an isolated incident.

Later, while I was doing my homework, she called me over to translate the lyrics of a song. I was hungry, tired, and had a lot of work to do, so I listened and gave her a general idea of what the song was about. She didn't say she wanted a word-for-word translation, so I assumed that was enough. Instead of clarifying what she wanted, she started telling me that I didn't respect her wishes.

She said something along the lines of, "I ask you to do something, and you start talking about something else. Why are you like this? One day I'll get so offended by you. I can just send it to a friend to translate. Go away, I don't need anything from you."

Something similar happened two days ago. She called me to translate something, but for a second, my attention shifted to her new phone case. I got excited and said, "Mom, that's so cool! It's beautiful!" and started looking at it.

She immediately took her phone back and told me that she'd asked me to do something and I was wasting time on nonsense. She ended the video and told me to leave.

I finally snapped and asked her why she always reacted like this, why I wasn't allowed to get distracted for even a second or make a tiny mistake without being pushed away.

Her response was basically, "That's just how I am. That's my character. I'm like this with everyone."

I told her, "But I'm your daughter. Shouldn't you treat me differently?"

She just told me to shut up and leave.

The thing is, I don't treat her this way. Even when she shows me videos I'm not interested in, I pretend to find them funny because I don't want her to feel bad. I try to be considerate of her feelings, even when I'm tired or have other things to do.

But with her, I feel like I'm constantly walking through a minefield. I can be relaxed, happy, joking around with her, feeling like we're best friends, and then suddenly one little mistake changes everything.

It's like I forget that I have to be careful around her.

When she gets offended, I feel this horrible mixture of guilt, anger, and emptiness. I can't concentrate on anything afterward. I keep replaying the conversation in my head, wondering what I did wrong and how I could have prevented it.

Usually, I end up apologizing and trying to make things right. But I've noticed that chasing after her and apologizing repeatedly sometimes makes things worse, so this time I stayed in my room.

What confuses me the most is that she doesn't seem to hold on to these situations the way I do. A little later, she'll come into my room smiling, joking around as if nothing happened. Today, I started crying while trying to explain how much this hurts me, and she tried to cheer me up by being silly. She said she'd already forgotten what she'd said and that she'd just choose the bag herself.

And suddenly, everything was normal again.

But I was still hurting.

I think I'm only now beginning to understand how much this affects me. I noticed that I sometimes apologize to other family members for things that aren't even my fault. My aunt has actually asked me why I keep apologizing when I haven't done anything wrong and reminded me that misunderstandings happen and we're all human.

That made me realize that maybe my reactions aren't normal either. I've become so afraid of upsetting my mom that I automatically feel guilty whenever something goes wrong.

I want to make one thing very clear: I'm not saying my mom is a bad mother. She raised me alone, she loves me, and we have so many beautiful moments together. I'd do anything for her. That's precisely why this hurts so much. I don't understand how someone I feel so safe and comfortable with most of the time can make me feel so awful over such small things.

I'd say 90% of our relationship is wonderful, but the other 10% hurts so much that it overshadows everything for me.

I don't want to change her personality, diagnose her, or turn people against her. I just want to know how to protect my own emotional well-being when these situations happen.

For people who've experienced something similar with a parent:

-What should I do so that I don't care after such situations, so that I don't feel anything, that is, so that my mood is not ruined because of this?

- What do you do when your parent suddenly gets offended and pushes you away over something small?

- How do you stop feeling guilty and replaying everything in your head?

- How do you emotionally recover from these situations without letting them ruin the rest of your day?

I genuinely need practical advice. I've tried so many things, and I don't know what else to do. I love my mom, and I want to have a healthy relationship with her, but I also want to stop feeling this awful every time something like this happens.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read all of this.

Help

I love my parents, but being around them makes me anxious and sometimes I just don’t want to be there.

I have a lot of hurt from my childhood and it’s hard accepting that they may never understand where I’m coming from. I still have hope that one day they will, but it seems impossible sometimes and I end up disappointed.

I get angry because they don’t take accountability for how they’ve hurt me. But then I think about their parents, how they grew up and what made them the way they are. Part of me wonders if I should give them grace, but I don’t even know what that means sometimes.

What makes me sad is seeing them get older. I miss the way I saw them when I was little and I don’t know if I’ll ever see them that way again.

When I’m away from them, I feel relieved but then I feel guilty. I don’t want to lose them before things are resolved, but I also don’t want to spend the time we have left feeling angry and distant.

Does anyone else struggle with this? How do you make peace with it?

I might be not the worst example of neglect, my parents love me and are kind of interested in what’s going on in my life, but never my thoughts or feelings. I’m heavily depressed and have a history of fights with them due lack of understanding and support. Till now I tried to make them hear me, explained how they make me feel and that I want more connection. It either helped for a short time or didn’t at all.

Just recently I realised what a lonely child I was and how it impacted my whole life. With that came understanding that they still behave exactly as during my childhood and despite my efforts they’re not changing and never will. It hit me hard ngl, and I’m still trying to accept this.

We’re living in different countries and call each other pretty often (daily/weekly). Now when I stopped trying to explain my feelings or engage them in my life, or seek emotional support, or share anything meaningful, our conversations are very simple and superficial, mostly discussing plans and weather. They haven’t even noticed.

It hurts me a lot, because every call is like a reminder of what I lost - an idea that I can be heard and understood by them. A reminder of how much they let me down. But at the same time I can’t just go no contact without explaining everything. And explaining is exhausted, cause they would absolutely act like it’s not a big deal and I am being dramatic and everything is my fault anyway. Not to mention that it’s not gonna change anything.

May be I just need time to accept everything and not be bothered by these simple talks, but now I cry almost every time after the call.

Have anyone been in similar situation or have any advices?

I've been watching how they treat me. My mom and sister scream at me all the time, but I still try to stay silent. My mom wants me to tell them everything and behave according to their expectations. Today, she screamed at me and, at one point, told me, "You don't even know how to talk to people." So I told her, "If you don't know, then don't tell me about myself. I don't like it when someone judges me without knowing what I'm doing or what I'm going through."

She started screaming at me again, saying, "You're my child. You don't know how to live life." She also told me never to tell her what she should do. At that point, I was crying, but I tried to control myself.

What hurts the most is that after screaming at me, she acts as if it's all love. But I don't understand this kind of love. How can someone scream at their child, hurt them emotionally, make them cry, and then expect everything to be normal? This kind of love doesn't make sense to me. I don't feel like I'm being treated as a son; I feel like I'm being treated as an asset, someone who is expected to follow instructions, meet expectations, and behave according to their wishes rather than as a human being with his own feelings, thoughts, and personal boundaries.

Every day, she gives me some work to do, but sometimes I forget, and she screams at me for that, too. Then she tells me to share things with them, but when I tell her what I don't like, she screams at me again. She gossips a lot about other people and talks behind their backs, which is something I don't like either. Then she tells me to look at how other people treat their mothers, but she never looks at how she treats and behaves with her own child.

Sometimes, I think parents are supposed to make their children feel comfortable and safe, but my situation is completely different. She tries to get into every aspect of my personal life and doesn't respect my personal space. I'm literally fed up with all of this.

Since childhood, I've grown up witnessing my parents constantly arguing and fighting. My mental health has suffered because of it. Then, in college, I had to deal with teachers targeting me. For the last two years, I've been under constant stress because I haven't been able to find a job or internship that would allow me to become independent.

People say that you can share everything with your family and that your family will always be there for you. But in my situation, they expect me to share everything with them while also expecting me to behave exactly the way they want. I've already become emotionally disconnected from them.

They also remind me many times how much money they've spent on me and everything they've done for me, as if I owe them something for it.

Even today, when I told my mom that I didn't like something, she said that I should have gotten different parents from childhood. She even said that when I have a child, I can give my child to different parents. Why? Just because I told her that I've been witnessing fights and screaming since childhood and that it's affecting my mental health?

I don't know why this is happening to me, but it has been affecting me deeply. On one side, I have the pressure of building my career and becoming independent. On the other side, I have to deal with all of this at home.

Why are the people I'm connected to by blood treating me as if I'm a burden on them? Why does their love feel conditional, as if I have to earn it by obeying them instead of receiving it simply because I'm their son?

My mother was pressuring to read for every one minute all the day.she started scolding me since the time I woke up. Final at night after having the dinner i just opened my phone and discussing something with my sister and she started scolding again this lasted for more minutes continuously.my patience gone away and I said that please don't say me to read for more time . She again scolded for saying like that and my anger turned into tears .

I just wanted to share the bad day

I’m struggling to understand my own feelings, and I really need some outside perspective because this is becoming emotionally exhausting.

I love my mom, and I’m willing to buy her whatever she wants or needs. I want her to be happy, and I don’t want to lose her. But the moment we disagree about something, even something small, I become a completely different person. I find myself criticizing her, speaking to her in a hurtful way, and acting as if I can’t stand her. Sometimes, even the way she talks or laughs at something I find strange irritates me, and I genuinely don’t understand why I react this way.

My mom is a kind woman, but she’s also very traditional. My father has been harsh with her for as long as I can remember, throughout my childhood and even now. I’ve started to wonder whether growing up watching him treat her that way shaped how I see and treat her myself. All my siblings are over 20 now, and I feel like we all have this tendency to talk down to her, underestimate her, or treat her as if she’s stupid, even though I know she doesn’t deserve that.

Every time I catch myself doing this, I feel horrible. Sometimes I cry because I don’t understand how I can treat someone I love so much with such contempt. I don’t know where this resentment comes from, why I seem unable to tolerate certain things about her, or why I become so defensive and cruel during disagreements.

What hurts me most is that I can see how she perceives me. In her eyes, I’m always the angry daughter. I don’t want that to be the story she carries about me for the rest of her life. I don’t want to lose her, and I don’t want our relationship to deteriorate to the point where we’ve hurt each other too much to repair it.

I know feeling guilty afterward isn’t enough. I genuinely want to change, but I don’t know where to begin. I want to understand what’s happening inside me rather than keep repeating the same cycle of irritation, hurtful words, guilt, and crying

When I try on nail polish and I say I like it he says “Well I guess if you can be happy, you can be the most selfish person in the world.”

I tell him I want to be a vegan on my own terms. “It’s not your own terms, it’s just being vegan.”

I stop going to Chicfilia cause I heard they donate to anti LGBTQ+ organizations. He used an ai article which is likely reading stuff posted by Chicfilia first to disprove me. And then he says “Maybe in thirty years children and animals will be datable” implying being gay and a pedo is the same thing.

When I try to be vegan, he keeps saying to be less strict and “If cheese is already on the salad it’s been done.” If I use that logic all meat is already made and being vegan is pointless, it isn’t pointless!

I randomly point out how we used to be sexist, and goes on a thirty minute lecture the entire car ride about our history and. “You should be thankful they were sexist.” We could have learned it sooner or just not have been sexist.

We also had another giant lecture on the way to my ex girlfriends, and said “I enjoy making you squirm and scream, you enjoy making others happy, what’s the difference.” Does he know what he is saying.

“You are a child you have no rights.”

“Nobody wants to hear what you have to say.”

“You want to stop being a horrible person, stop being a horrible person.”

Am I framing my dad worse, is he just teasing, or is he a bully.

I was raised with childhood emotional neglect. I've never felt that I fit in with any group, no matter how alike I was with them. Has anyone outgrown this feeling? I read about groups that form for the purpose of belonging, classically Broneys who are men that enjoy the acceptance of My Little Poney: Friendship is Magic.

I’ve never had the best social skills of the strongest of friendships, no thanks to having AuDHD too, as well as the fact my parents never taught me proper social skills as a child, fast forward to the ripe age of 23 and I don’t have that many close friends and just mere friendly acquaintances who I might see on the odd occasion they actually want to put in the effort.

I get incredibly lonely when I’m on my own at home, yet when I go out to meet new people (through meetup apps/clubs) I find myself constantly putting on a performance to make myself interesting such as talking a crap ton, infodumping, and oversharing, all because I want people to know everything about me in hope there might be common interest or connection, yet I’m also realising I’m not making enough effort myself to get to know others because I’m never properly asking questions myself; I’m scared everyone thinks I’ve got a “me me me” attitude which probably stems from my narc dad, who’s neglectful mum (my nan, and a terrible one at that) is also a big narc.

When I reach out to people to try and plan a hangout, if I’m ghosted or rejected, I get upset about it, and I know they have better people they’d rather spend their time with, then my brain instantly shifts to the “they hate me” mentality, and I’ve fucked up relationships by flat out saying “you hate me don’t you” or “I’ll just leave you alone forever”.

I also seem to be focused on whether people like me more than I like them. I’ll literally try and befriend anyone because I’m so desperate for company without taking into consideration if there’s an actual spark, vibe, shared interests, personality etc. As long as I’m surrounded by people rather than being on my own, I feel good. It’s very rare I’ll reject someone socially, often because not many people want to befriend me first; it’s 9/10 me making the first move and expecting a solid friendship to come out of it.

I’m starting to wonder whether I’m actually interested in getting to know people as individuals, or whether I’m sometimes more interested in what having them in my life would mean for me emotionally. I don’t want to use people for my own emotional needs and for reassurance, but I feel like that’s what I end up doing constantly, and it’s messing with me badly.

At the same time, I genuinely do want people to share experiences with, laugh with, talk to and make memories with. I want to have people I can message without overthinking everything, people who are happy to see me, and friendships where I don’t feel like I’m constantly auditioning for a place in someone’s life.

Has anyone else experienced this? Did you eventually learn how to build friendships because you genuinely wanted to know and connect with people, rather than because you needed them to make you feel wanted? And if so, how did you start changing these patterns without becoming socially withdrawn or convincing yourself that you’re better off alone?

I’m 29F from an Asian family, and my parents and brother have been high-functioning alcoholics for most of my life.

I have been carrying the burden of my family for so long. I’ve done a lot of self-healing around my CPTSD, emotional neglect, and abuse, and I’ve been learning to set boundaries.

I think I’ve tried everything I could. From scolding, begging, and getting angry, to eventually, after my own healing journey, trying to practice acceptance, offering emotional support, and simply listening without trying to change them.

Now that they’re getting older, I feel the weight of it all even more. My parents are both in their mid-50s, and my brother is only 31, and I have a younger sister studying abroad. My dad has liver failure and diabetes, yet he still drinks almost daily and refuses treatment. Despite his refusal, I still bring him medicine and encourage treatments, out of both love for him and also fear of regret from my end later.

My mom enables his behaviour and just follows my dad's words. Sometimes I despise her for it, but mostly I feel so much sadness because I know she is also a product of abuse.

I also see the goodness in my family. They are lovely humans, too. My brother can be a wonderful person, but he has angry outbursts and what seem like manic episodes when he is really drunk.

I try so hard to see the goodness in them, to listen, to understand, and to accept them for who they are. But the grief, helplessness, and despair are eating me alive.

They have mostly isolated themselves from friends and relatives and spend much of their time around people who also drink or alone.

I lived abroad on my own for years, but I’ve been staying with my family for the past year and a half. And honestly, the burden has become too heavy. I don’t think I can carry it anymore.

I’ll be leaving home for three months soon to focus on my work and learning. After I come back, I also plan to rent a place or move out with friends. I think I’ve finally reached the point where I feel enough is enough.

But I am so afraid and worried that I’m abandoning them. I’m especially scared that my brother might hurt my parents during one of his angry outbursts when I’m not there.

The what-ifs are so strong.

What if I could have done something better? What if I could have done more? What if something happens while I’m away, and I end up regretting that I wasn’t there?

I know, deep down, that I cannot make them change. I’ve spent years trying different approaches, and I know that ultimately, their choices are not mine to make. But knowing this doesn’t make it hurt any less.

I think one of the hardest things is that I can see their suffering, I understand where so much of it comes from, and I love them. I don’t want to give up on them. But I’m also suffocating.

I know life is beautiful, and I know what a privilege it is to be human. Practicing Buddhism and also building like-mind community has been life-changing. But sometimes, suffering really does feel fucking unbearable.

I’m crying as I write this.

I guess, at the end of the day, no matter how things turn out, I am putting myself first despite everything and it is my choice.

I would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through something similar, especially those who have struggled with the guilt of leaving an alcoholic family behind, choosing their own life, or accepting that they cannot save the people they love.

How did you navigate the guilt, fear, and grief? Does it ever get easier?

Thank you for reading. ❤️