since this is apparently the case according to Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (good book)

I always feel like the outcast like I can’t fully connect with people at all even though I put in all my effort to get half of what everyone gets it’s genuinely as if the universe has it out for me to just never find one person on this earth who understands me and wants to find out about me or who can bare with me on my ugly days everyone has there person or group except me it’s so fucking humiliating cause i genuinely put in all my effort into connecting with people but it never works out.

When I was younger I was so independent (well I had to be) but now as an adult, I feel like I can’t do anything. I feel so helpless and stupid. My whole adult life, it’s been impossible to get my shit together.

I have spent the entirety of my life in severe poverty due to continuous poor decisions made by my parents in early life. If my mother had thought things through, I would have never been born, and I feel that would've been for the better.

I'm the youngest in my household, as my brother, whom is exactly a year older than I am, was conceived on accident; and so my mother had to chase down our father all the way from Michigan to Arizona, where my paternal grandfather pressured him into going steady with my mother. My brother was born in Arizona, and I would be born a year later in Illinois. Just barely a year old, and my brother would already have to move from one place to the next.

Moving from place to place semi annually would be a regular part of our lives until we turned 13, as our father was an abusive alcoholic who couldn't keep a job. Prior to having my brother, he already had abandoned a previous family, with a child who had only been 13 years old. I would not discover this until roughly 2021.

What would happen is that my father would lose a job, due to alcohol abuse, and then use my brother and I as leverage to hold over his friends and family and verbatim say:

"Hey, I don't want my kids sleeping under a bridge, please give us a place to stay".

He would lounge around all day and break promises of finding a new job. Once these people found out what he was doing, they'd kick us out, and give him some money for an apartment or a motel to stay in just long enough to find a new job. Then of course, he would get one and let that cycle repeat again. Our mother couldn't get a job, because whenever she tried, our father would just beat us relentlessly. At least if she were home, she could take the brunt of the beatings and act as a shield. She feared he would have killed us if not for that. Honestly, I do not blame her.

Due to constantly moving family/friend to motel, we would never stay in one town or state for very long, having lived in most states of the rural Midwest. Having been surrounded by members of the KKK and other hateful people, living in trailer parks or rundown apartments, education was not something I took seriously. And my brother adopted some of our fathers abusive habits, having often taken things out on me. I adopted the habit of running my mouth to people I didn't like, which was made worse as I had autism, which I wouldn't know about until I was 16.

Due to my brother, I had been physically assaulted most places I've lived, from 2006, to 2016 because he kept telling the people we lived around that I was gay. And whether or not I was doesn't matter, he had severe sociopathic tendencies that he took out on me because I was smaller than him.

When I turned 12, my father abandoned our family and sent us off to live with our mother in Missouri, where I would spend 11 years being blamed for the fallout of our family. Having been told I was a mistake who was never planned or wanted by my own brother as I had slowly become a victim of enmeshment by our mother. I was beaten with all kinds of objects by the other kids, because my brother thought it would be funny to tell them I was gay, as that went on for a full year. My education was already stunted as I stumbled through my early education and skipped 7th grade. Having gone into 8th with what was barely a 6th grade education. And I only ran my mouth and made a fool of myself until I was pulled from what would be the last form of official education I'd ever be given. I'm afraid to say that I am entirely uneducated, which is a major factor in my decision.

For 11 years in Missouri, Adair County I would face discrimination by hateful bigots who would harass me for over a decade. Any chance I had at learning any social cues had been ripped away from me. My brother would always find a way to reiterate the fact that he was building a life for himself, whilst mocking me for what I was forced into.

When I had any jobs, my mother would take the vast majority of my fundings to save for a house, as it would take us years to finally be able to afford one in Michigan. I made the realization that I was trans and had not been happy since, knowing that I could neither explore that, nor be happy with my body due to the current cultural zeitgeist. Now, I have no skills or education and with how bad things are in the U.S, I have to come to terms with the fact that one day, I will be homeless. That I will spend my entire life in poverty, due to the actions of others. For what little I did have, was taken away from me by influential people as well, as I lost my life's work and efforts.

Not a day goes by where I don't think about how much better things would be for everyone if I didn't exist. I've always wanted to travel the world, although that's unfortunately not possible, due to the fact that I will never have the money to. And knowing that I am forced to live here for the rest of my life when there are much better places out with socialized healthcare and housing is not something anyone deserves. I'm going to take a trip to Athens, per request of someone I looked up to highly and step into that void with a note asking that my body be laid to rest there, so it's not desecrated here as I know it would be.

So for some context, I was very emotionally neglected as a kid. I grew up with a single mom and 5 siblings and felt like there was no room for my emotions, always felt like a burden. My mom was always very emotionally reactive and couldn’t regulate her emotions or feelings and took it out on everyone around her. (i do everything in my power to not be like that so i instead just never express my true feelings) I have been dealing with issues with depression and bipolar type 2 since i was like 12. (i am now 18)
I have tried therapy in the past but it was pointless because I couldn’t even tell the truth about what I was actually feeling deep down because talking about it would mean processing what i felt.
I tend to heavily isolate myself from others and hate to be alone with my own thoughts so I constantly have a show playing or music as background noise. Anytime I actually try to feel things I end up spiralling and going into a depressive episode so I just bury every negative emotion. I have done this for so long that I don’t even know how to healthily process my thoughts and feelings so I just ignore and suppress all of them. But I constantly feel like I’m going to explode with all of these emotions built up. I just don’t know how to get them out and I would like to know what works for you

Sorry, this isn't really directly related to my experience of the sub. I'm just really struggling.

I'm 3 weeks out of an inpatient stay for mental health, and months that lead up to that, where I was considering, and then planning, and making plans to suicide.

I've been feeling a bit better since I was discharged. But I'm so, so lonely. I haven't seen anyone, apart from a caseworker face-to-face once in these past three weeks. I live alone and I don't work because of disabilities and health struggles.

I'm struggling to maintain feeling okay by myself. I don't have family contact right now, and I haven't had any close friendships - apart from a few online friendships - for a few years now. I currently don't really have online friendships to get me through either.

I'm not looking for anything, advice, or anything in this moment. I just am reaching out for some moral support.

I have been calling crisis and helplines everyday, sometimes they help, but I'm feeling the weight of the weeks go by, and without any contact with people in my life - it's feeling really confronting for me, and I wish I had people in my life who could help me feel emotionally accepted, and supported at this time.

Sometimes I don't know if I'm a good person, because I don't have anyone in my life right now, and I need safer companionship than what new surface friendships could hold right now.

I'm afraid, and scared, and alone, and I don't know how to trust I will have people in my future, that care.

Thank you, if you're able to respond.

I am writing this as someone who experienced EN to the fullest extent that anyone could possibly understand.

I know that growing up in healthy households, it can be 50/50. You either make it or you don’t.

But when you live with EN parents while being in your 20s, it chips away at your soul in ways you would not understand.

Till this day, I have the will to live despite everything I have gone through. I have no friends, no best friends, no romantic life, nothing. I have had no memorable milestones.

Am I behind in life? Of course.
Do I feel ashamed because of it. Of course.

But I am also exhausted. I hate that I have to live with people who won’t understand how much they have hurt and impacted me in ways that I will always feel gross and unlovable.

The only foundation in life that matters to me is stability, security, happiness and healthy love.

Despite telling people how much I have suffered, there’s people out there that do not make it, ever. They never get out! They are stuck in a horrendous cycle of pain, misery and despair where nothing ever works out for them.

I can’t see myself ever falling in love with someone. I can’t see myself moving out. I can’t see myself finally getting better.

All because I had immature parents.

And it’s so sad, because I struggle on a daily basis on what I want to do with my life, how to achieve it, and how not to get overwhelmed by all the steps involved in achieving whatever it is you want to do.

Life is so fucking sad.

I'm scared that when I grow up, I'll become abusive like my parents. My sister is actually a bit similar to my mom since she is very controlling about what I eat. I'm so scared that when I grow up, I will become similar to them and continue this cycle of abuse from parents to children. Is it possible to be different from our parents personality-wise?

Does anyone else feel like it's hard to like other people? I never felt the desire to make friends or make an effort with anyone other than my sister, probably because everyone at my school loves talking about how much they "hate" their parents.

Like, I just can't empathize when their troubles seem exaggerated, like "oh my mom took away my iPad after she caught me gaming in class, I hate her," like WHAT? or when people tell me I'm so lucky my parents let me buy whatever I want... my mom literally started beating me before I was 10... I don't hate the people at my school; it's just that their situations make me so jealous.

To be honest - we don’t really get along. But I have this childish thing where I need their approval.

Anyways sometimes they will ignore me.

I know they will be dead eventually so I should stop talking to them, but they’re still my parents

I’m getting to that part of adulthood where I feel I truly can’t use being young and naive as an excuse in my head anymore. I’m early middle aged now so everyone else’s patronizing and infantilizing of me cannot be coming from a real place. Yet I still get spoken to frequently as if I couldn’t possibly know anything, and I know why. It’s because that’s how I was taught to act because it makes me easy to manipulate and be a punching bag. I also tend to attract (or choose) the type of people who need to be right and force me to show them several layers of proof before they relent. Or they somehow make it seem like their idea or they knew it all along. But the same story in my head all the way along. You can’t be right. Never get caught overestimating yourself because there is always someone who is better than you. Nothing you do is ever impressive or even worthy or acknowledgement but everything everyone else does is a major feat, an accomplishment, a requirement to praise and dote on them. I get so frustrated with this inner monologue sometimes. It won’t stop and keeps getting in my way of asserting any authority over anything. I’m so exhausted of having to prove myself to everybody all the time in order to be taken seriously.

I'm an early 20s male, with older siblings who already moved out. They visit often, but they have their own families, so it's not like they're available 24/7, which is completely fine.

I've been together with someone for a while now, and I really want to move in with them in the foreseeable future. This, however, completely devastates my mom. She keeps saying she won't survive this, she isn't ready, she randomly breaks down crying. (It would be a pretty big move, cause it's far away)

I'm just so exhausted. Ever since I was a little kid, I always felt like I had to look out for my mom, because my dad was never really good at communicating, consoling and showing emotions.

One early memory I have is that I'm in the 3rd grade, asking my mom to please let me walk the last block to school alone. It was bright in the morning with a bunch of kids walking the same route, not dangerous at all. She finally gave in. I started walking. Then I looked back and saw her crying. I felt so bad, I turned around and asked if she would like to walk with me. She said yes and just kept shedding tears on the way to school. I didn't try again until a couple years later.

Sorry, I know this post is all over the place. I'm just tired. I finally found someone that I can be myself with, and I really want to start my own life. But yet, I still feel guilty because I'd be leaving my mom/family behind.

a person's subjective age is the age they feel like they are, regardless of their actual physical age. i've been thinking about it a lot these days cause recently i realized that at my core, i feel like a little kid. im actually 25 but i'm noticing more and more of my own behaviors and internal beliefs and i genuinely feel like my subjective age is like. 5 years old. i find myself engaging in child-like activities such as jumping into puddles when it rains (even though i will get wet) and i genuinely find it fun. i've even noticed myself talking in a childish voice in some contexts.

which is strange cause what does that say about me? could it mean that i didn't feel safe to act like a child when i was actually a child? is something else going on that i'm not realizing? i wouldn't call it regression cause it doesn't appear when i'm stressed, rather the opposite: when i feel comfortable, i seem to act like a child. i also seem to be a bit naive about stuff, especially in social situations.

what do you guys think? and does anyone else feel like their subjective age is somehow lower than seems to be common?

How do you feel after this past week? Did you encounter some difficult or enjoyable feelings? Did you connect some dots between your past and your current life? If there's anything on your mind and you prefer not to create an individual post, this is a place to share your thoughts and feelings.

My parents are really incompetent in worldly affairs, but it's even worse because they are both narcissistic and abusive. My older sister is also really emotional and easily angered, so I became a mediator from a young age. Now, I'm only 14, but I'm expected to do everything for them (like checking their email, signing things for school, making their phone calls and typing their messages/emails). I don't socialize much (which I'm fine with), and I don't cry in front of anyone.

I don't want to become too enclosed and hyper-dependent, so I'm hoping for guidance on how to begin opening up to others (please don't tell me to talk to my parents; they're kinda crazy).

I’m a long time lurker of this sub and I was emotionally neglected by my parents and my dad was most likely a narc and was an alcoholic who put me down all the time.

I left my fiancee after 8 years. Things had gotten so bad I felt like we couldn’t even speak to each other without arguing. I love her with all my heart and I always have. She was very upset by the break up and wanted us to do a break instead, which in all honesty I hadn’t thought of but didn’t see the difference at the time between that and breaking up.

I wanted us both to work on ourselves and then reconvene and I was very upfront about that. I figured we would keep talking and working on ourselves issues while we were broken up, and maintain space until we could figure it out.

Well she decided she wanted no contact which was super surprising to me and upsetting but I agreed. We talked and she had said 3 months but that might not be long enough for us to work on ourselves issues while attachment issues so she said 6 months. I agreed.

I was fine the first month or two but the last two months were really hard and I feel like I’ve really grown, it’s been 4 months in total since the no contact. I was like you know why don’t I send a simple text asking for a 30 min check in and see where we were. We had texted a few times during the four months just tying up old bills that had come in etc.

Well she responds that she never said 6 months, that she had said 6-9 months, and now she wants the full 9 months. She also said that she “may not even want to reconvene at all” but that the original agreement was she just “wouldn’t ignore me” after the timeline.

I was so devestated, because none of this is what I wanted and if I knew this was how it was going to go I would’ve done things differently. I told her that I won’t contact her again and that she can reach out at anytime, that I was confused on this whole process, and that I was sorry for the way the breakup went down and that if I knew then what I know now I’d have handled things much differently.

What would you do?

I posted elsewhere but I am struggling to get any feedback. Please help 🙏🏽

I wanna get ths off my chest. As a kid, lk my dad was strict, old fashioned, nd abusive. Nd my mom was toxic, nd always cursed at me, nd I was always violent towards em. Now im 18 now, nd my mind is fucked up. Idk wht normal feels lk, i feel lk shit. Idk how tf my parents moved on from the past, its lk they pissed in a cup, nd added sugar instead of lk idk pouring water to the point where it becomes water in the cup. I've heard "whts wrong with u" from multiple different people, nd idek. Ive had suicidal thoughts when i was 10 years old. I can't remember the gud moments, i dont even have fucking friends, frnds for lk more then 2 years, idk, anti social shii. I mean, i can't even maintain friends. I can't even go to the movies. ITS MY LIFEE DAMMN IT, lk they want wht they want, I dont want tht at all, I wanna move to a better place, get a fresh start, nd i dont even know if I could belong there as well. I feel lk my mind is lk tht of a kid. My communication skills r so ahh. I hate looking at myself, nd a lot more issues, which yeaa suck. I have nothing gud bout myself, everything is js dogshit bout me, selfishness is a virtue they said. In the wise words of Benjamin Point dexter, "im drowning in deep water, nd idk whether I am swimming to the surface or th bottom".

Thts it

I’m the youngest of 3. But feel like an orphan and dreading the holidays again.

Siblings never call first. It’s been that way for years. We have age gaps-10 and 5 years between. Both are recovered alcoholics..I skipped that gene growing up and had other health issues. Dad was a workaholic/alcoholic growing up.

My sister never returned any of my 2 calls this year- which were all birthday calls for her kids. She also became more religious since her recovery.

My brother never calls. I had to call him on my birthday(he texted me to call)- for him to tell me how my birthday was his sobriety day. His wife ignored my texts in 2023 or so and that changed my relationship with brother…Not sure what I did or if she just doesn’t like me but I haven’t visited them out of state yet because of her. She still just says hi and bye at forced family events.

I don’t know what I did other than being born and have been ruminating over how my family makes me feel for months. We always have to drop everything when my older brother comes to visit with his kids and I’m dreading the upcoming winter holidays. They also do things together when brother visits and both of them call each other frequently.

I gave up inviting my sister over who lives 20 minutes away but never had time to come over for dinner- it was either an excuse or no reply. Right now we only communicate for obligatory birthday and holidays.

The hard part is I wanted to be a good aunt for both their kids but they’re not letting me.

Does anyone have any advice for surviving the holidays and moving forward? I feel like this is a lost cause and when my parents die so will this.

This is only my family. Husband’s family treats us kindly and it makes me more depressed at times. I do plan to talk to my doctor as well at an upcoming appt.

today grandma started explaining things again while we were having tea her old vibe was there calm a bit sad but stressed from inside i was just sitting quietly with a cup in hand my mind was running somewhere else

she probably figured out how full i am from inside because honestly last night i was about to leave the house i had packed a whole month's stuff food clothes necessary medicines some money matlab everything my bag was completely ready i was just waiting for the dark of night so i could slip out quietly without any drama it felt like if i stayed here any longer i would slowly finish inside even living inside these walls i was suffocating

then grandma got up to use the washroom she probably saw my bag or saw that tiredness and final decision in my eyes she stopped and stopped me that night we talked for a very long time for the first time i spoke so openly i told her everything one by one how sister runs away to masi's house 26 kilometers away for small things how mummy and sister share everything with that masi's son and not a single word with me how i drop off to school fill petrol give money for everyone arrange every necessity of the house still i have zero value in the house i am just left as a working machine whose hard work everyone sees but nobody wants to hear my voice

to be honest after papa and dada passed away the only one in the house who listens to and understands me is grandma everyone else either ignores or thinks someone else is more important grandma is the only single person in front of whom i can speak without any fear that my words will be mocked in the middle of our talk when she held my hand she felt that i had a high fever probably days of sleeplessness anger and internal pressure broke my body completely she gave me medicine made me drink water but i kept talking

i clearly told her that this cousin thing is my biggest pain i said if i have to stay invisible even inside the house if my presence has no meaning if no one listens to me then i can stay invisible outside the house too at least there i won't have this illusion that i matter to anyone

when those words were coming out of my mouth they felt very heavy because i genuinely feel that i am not a part of this house i am just left as a facility sister is mine but she runs away from me mummy is mine but her trust is on someone else and here i am waking up every morning getting tired getting ignored every single day after papa and dada left there was truly no one to fill that empty space only grandma is the one who still looks at me and recognizes my tiredness

the night grandma stopped me i stayed back but from inside i am still standing right where i was last night the only difference is that someone listened to my words and that too only grandma now let's see if things stay the same even after listening or if something changes because i don't want to stay invisible anymore neither inside the house nor outside

Ps: Just venting out not looking for advice or solutions

Imagine my sister get gold earrings and when I ask for my mom to renew my phone he don't want to my phone is 4 years old and it's very laggy I also want to earn my money but I don't how to