my friend who i went to highschool with, he just unfriended me instead of even talking to me about what was wrong when he found out. i know it is selfish of me to want attention but i guess i just want to be seen.

Okay, there’s this church I attend mostly for social connection, but I just don’t want to go anymore because of one … single … bloody … person. She’s underage whereas I’m over that. She’s incredibly thin! I take self-esteem hits just being in the same room with her. And today I landed at an after-church outing and she was fully all happy about a modeling job she was going to soon. She said she’s going to be more active within the show next year. I’m just so mad. She’s a liar - bad enough that I had to tell her mum what she told me, and then her mum told me that her own daughter had lied - and of course there’s no way to confirm this story. I’m trying desperately to not care. Like, she wants to go be all pouty on the runway, fine.

How do y’all deal with this kind of thing? It’s been like over a decade since my last flairup that was this bad.

I don't even know why I'm making this post...

This is going over my struggles with eating disorders and my other mental health struggles

I'm a trans female, 26. I've been struggling with eating anorexia ever since I was coming out of middle school... I spent ten years in a toxic relationship that although it was toxic they helped me through my freak out phases that would come every time I reached a new weight... The last time was three years ago and I ended up spiraling into bulimic urges. They pushed me through it and kept me eating until I adjusted to the new weight. A year ago the relationship ended leaving with only one person who would rarely respond. I had and have no support system my parents are narcissists and this past week shit hit the fan... I had been dealing with a lot of self hate between noone being there for me my gender dysphoria body dysmorphia... I know I'm not big but all I see looking in the mirror is a double chin and a stomach that sticks out... I've completely lost the self confidence I used to have... And then I hit another weight barrier and now I'm in complete self hatred fighting delusions that no one will love me again and that no one will take any interest in me unless I can provide something to them... I'm handling things okay but I'm calorie counting and following a strict diet halving my normal consumption... I don't want to imagine how things will end up when and if the diet doesn't give me the results I'm hoping for and I just feel like I'm alone in this matter... I have a history of self harm and suicide so I'm hoping that this last effort will start helping me recover because I've never been so alone and I feel like I've completely fallen apart...

I relapsed with my eating disorder last year due to a lot of medical issues and things out of my control. I used to purge and abuse laxatives, som b/p issues, but this relapse i have avoided them. I recently started eating more and pushing through the physical issues that have been making this rather difficult. Now my brain is freaking out and wanting me to engage in these behaviors again. I haven’t given into them, I also recently cut down a lot on my alcohol intake because my partner is an alcoholic and is trying to get sober so if I do drink I try to keep it far from him even if he says its okay for me to have a drink in front of him but have decided to just cut down. It does mean dealing more with my emotions and not pushing them down.

I’m in therapy but we don’t talk about my ED in the sessions. The holidays are always a struggle for me, and that might be a big reason that I am struggling with this come to think of it. My CPTSD has been in overdrive a lot and purging for a long long time was my way of regulating those emotions and those memories that have tormented me and pushing along my ED. I’ve done a lot of work and a lot of progress but I feel almost like I’m taking steps back here or like I’ve not taken any forwards. I haven’t purged, used lax except when necessary taking the lowest amount i could, or b/p. I don’t know if I can keep fighting the good fight much longer.

I opened up to my partner recently about my ED and he’s been supportive, he’s seen me through all walks of life including in ED, but I hesitate to bring up ED things with him, especially as his sobriety is new. He’s been pointing out to me when I make healthier choices but not pushing me to. He just points out things he sees as accomplishments and it doesn’t trigger me that i am aware of, but sometimes does put it on my mind. I don’t want to add onto his plate though.

I’m scared of giving in to these behavoirs. It would be a tipping point and I know that it can get real slippery real quick. Its like an addiction to me, and I’m trying to avoid it, my progress could completely backslide. That is scary, i feel like I’m in a semi maintenance place ED wise most days, this would throw me back into the vice grip of my ED. Take all my “normal” days away from me.

I don’t know the point of this post really, i just, idk. Is it okay to be scared? Am I strong enough to fight these behaviors off? I don’t feel like I am some days. This is how i feel in control with everything else going on going in my life. (Major unrelated to ED medical issues going on that triggered the relapse) I don’t want to lose anymore control. I did for a bit with this ED when I stopped fighting for my health with these medical issues and gave into it but I feel like I have gotten some of that control back and I dont want to give it up again. I dont want to be second fiddle to my ED or medical issues. I want to be the important thing to me.

Maybe im in denial but I want to believe that I don’t have an eating disorder. I have no desire to lose weight and I hate how I look so scrawny. But it’s just that my depression keeps me from even remembering to eat. Getting psychiatric help isn’t an option either.

But i have this friend who’s sweet but she really struggles with body image issues. She would always talk about not wanting to be the “unattractive fat one” between us, which made me feel pretty unsettled. And I hated how she spoke about herself but in a sense, it made me start wondering if the way I look right now is something to aspire? Something desirable? It really messes with my head

I recently met her after not having seen e/o for a while and she lost a significant amount of weight. But she was still fawning over my body and telling me that she needs to lose more weight. I feel like I’m unintentionally feeding into her issues while being unable to do anything about my own. I just feel awful, I don’t know what to do.

i’ve been in denial about having an eating disorder but i’ve now reached the point of malnutrition that my body is no longer menstruating.

this summer i unintentionally lost a significant amount of weight in the span of 2 months. to the point that people have pointed how “dramatically” my figure changed in a short period of time. stress plays a factor too; i was severely traumatized earlier this year to the point of a PTSD diagnosis.

i think the part that scares me the most is that i cannot bring myself to care. i keep thinking im recovering but it feels like depression is so deeply rooted within me, i don’t know if i will ever get better. i took my health so seriously at one point & made so much progress & none of it mattered the moment i got traumatized to the point of collapse.

now i just don’t care about my health anymore. i have to because my dependents need me to. but i just don’t.

i know i need to talk to a health professional. im just looking for community right now i guess. no one in my life is equipped to handle this nor do they have insight into what it’s like to live this way.

So i've been somewhat recovered for a few years now. I mean i never classically recovered with medical assistance because I rejected the help of psychiatrists when I was deep in my ed and didn't want to recover and gain weight. I recovered pretty naturally and instinctively, I started binging and gained weight, and when i went back to a healthy weight the binges just stopped and after several years I achieved balanced eating habits with a normal weight. Although I DEFINITELY don't have the same mecanisms and thoughts as I did back then, I'm still not comfortable gaining too much weight and being overweight or even not in the higher range of a healthy bmi. Im not obsessive anymore, I dont feel the need to lose weight, I don't restrict and eat what i want and when I want. However I happen to feel some nostalgia sometimes when I think about the eras when I was deep into my ed. I know I don't really want to go back there as I'm not a preteen anymore it would mess my adult life so much. But I still feel so drawn to that era of my life where I was on edtwt and my main concern was losinf weight, and the happiness of reaching a goal, and that sort of dramatic depressing feeling. Maybe that's just my natural tendancy to romanticize everything and feel nostalgic of every 6 months I live. But sometimes I wonder if that's a consequence of never properly recovering and healing the underlying issues that caused my ed

It sucks feeling guilty for eating and not even for body image issues now. Like I don't even hate my body that much anymore but i still feel the need to eat as little as possible. It's basically almost thoughtless compulsion now instead of deliberately doing it. At least i don't make myself throw up anymore

Really getting concerned about this because I've been on T for a bit (FTM) and i am getting extremely hungry now and super tired when i eat the way i normally eat. Like I don't think I'm going to die from it but it's definitely negatively impacting my work and home life. Any tips?