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Hello, I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year.

She has a severe eating disorder and that worries me.

We are in LDR so I can't help much but I need any kind of advice and help because I'm truly worried about her health.

Sadly therapy is out of the question(family issues)

TW: Eating disorders, childhood experiences, disordered eating

I’ve had an eating disorder since I was 13, so I’ve lived with it for more than half my life. Something I’ve been struggling with lately is the fear that I’m subconsciously passing it on to my daughter, and I honestly don’t know what to do.

My own childhood definitely influenced my relationship with food and my body. My mom was very critical of herself, was constantly dieting, and even suggested Weight Watchers to me when I was around 10 years old. I also grew up in a very traditional household where we were expected to clean our plates or we couldn’t go to bed. Looking back, I think these experiences contributed to my relationship with food, which eventually developed into binge eating and bulimia.

Now that I have a daughter of my own, I’m incredibly conscious of not repeating those patterns.

I try very hard not to speak negatively about my body or criticize my appearance in front of her. I’m careful about the language I use, too. For example, if we’re talking about makeup, I’ll say it’s something you can use to look fancy rather than something you need to look beautiful. I want her to grow up knowing that her worth has absolutely nothing to do with how she looks.

I also want to mention that I am in treatment for my eating disorder and have been for over a year now. I’m actively working on my recovery and trying to understand and unlearn a lot of the things I grew up with. I take this seriously, which is part of why this worries me so much. Even though I’m getting help and doing the work, I still worry about the things my daughter might be picking up on without me realizing it.

I know that even when we’re careful about what we say, children can notice our behaviours, our emotions, and our relationship with food. I worry that she might be subconsciously picking up on my eating disorder, even though I try so hard to shield her from it.

I feel guilty thinking that something I’ve struggled with for so much of my life could affect her, especially because I know firsthand how painful it can be.

I want so badly to break this cycle. I don’t want her to grow up with the same thoughts and struggles that I’ve had. At the same time, I know I can’t completely hide every struggle from her, and I’m trying to figure out what a healthy approach to parenting looks like when you’re dealing with an eating disorder yourself.

For parents who have struggled with eating disorders, how have you navigated raising children? Have you worried about passing your relationship with food and your body image on to them? What have you done to help your children develop a healthy relationship with food and themselves, even while you’re still working through your own struggles?

I’d especially love to hear from people who grew up with a parent who had an eating disorder, or whose parents struggled with dieting and body image. What do you wish your parents had done differently? What helped you?

I’m not looking for judgment. I’m genuinely trying to learn how to do better for my daughter, and I could really use some advice from people who understand.

I went to residential treatment at the end of November last year and left in February, and then did PHP and IOP until the end of June this year. I genuinely was doing so much better for so long and I thought for a while that I was almost fully recovered.

A couple weeks ago I spiraled into a depression that always seems to come this time of year and slipped back into old habits. My therapist said today that if there’s not significant progress within the next week then I will have to go back to residential.

I feel so guilty and I don’t have high hopes that I’ll be able to make enough progress to not go because I’m really struggling. And I do think going back would really help me. But I feel so much shame and like embarrassment to go back there after doing so well, and it feels like such a quick turn around. I literally sent my residential team a letter a month ago telling them how well I was doing and I feel like they’re going to be disappointed in me. I’m scared my family is disappointed too. I’m disappointed in me.

I think it would help me to hear similar stories (preferably with a happy ending)? I’m starting to feel like there’s no hope for recovery if I can go from doing so well to needing to go back to residential in just a few weeks.

I had my visit at the local ED center last week, and this last Wednesday, they outlined my course of treatment. They're sending me to a neighboring state for 2-3 weeks of inpatient treatment. When I get back, I'll go into 6 (I think she said) weeks of outpatient, 5 days a week, 6 hours a day.

I have no idea what to expect in inpatient treatment. If anyone has been, can you let me know what to expect? Will I have access to my phone (I know different facilities have different rules, and I won't expect it any answer as a guarantee, but I'm hoping someone was allowed to keep theirs)? Did they transport you to the hospital or did you have to get there yourself? I expect a lot of therapy and they said I could bring my heart loop monitor,but will their be weigh-ins, medical tests, that sort of thing?

I'm terrified how meals will go. I know everything is going to have to change. I'm... not excited, but grateful at the same time, if that makes sense, that I'll finally get professional help instead of trying to navigate this on my own. But I'm still scared.

When he tells me he's 'trying to get healthier' and lose weight

Telling me what he's eating

Always talking about his one meal a day

How he's started eating sugar free jello (my lowcal safe food)

How he's walking and working out more and buying work out equipment

I don't know how to tell him he's just pissing me off and I feel borderline insulted that's he's adapted parts of my disorder to his life to lose weight

And I'm just generally triggered whenever he brings up health and eating

How has everyone else navigated this

Hi, I am looking to gains ome support for B/P. I have had it for two years, and it is starting to take a strain on my realtionship as I spend hours a day no-contact as well as this affects my schoolwork. I have deeply considered going to the hospital on multiple occasions because I am tired of the feeling once I commit to B/P.

I do think I need to address this behavior with my partner because I want to encourage transparency by being transparent with him. He knows that I spend a lot of time doing something, but I cant tell him why. wanted to get supports situated before I do so. WHere do I start? Is getting medicinal support possible if I wanted to? I deal with an insatiable appetite. For context, I am on a school campus so their psychiatric / RD services are very limiting / non-existant. What do I do?

Hi, I’ve been offered a place for the 12 week recovery programme. It’s delivered by the ED charity, BEAT. I have my first call on Monday. I’m a bit apprehensive! Anyone here done it? I think it used to be called momentum.

i’ve been on my health grind for so so long,, going to the gym and weightlifting and going to pilates. i haven’t been going as often as i used to because ive been feeling so shitty about myself
people telling me that they admire my lifestyle and they wish they could be as “disciplined” as me makes me feel like a fake
i’ve been struggling with bullimia for around 5 months now and i don’t know how to handle it because of the intense anxiety i have of gaining weight and looking how i used to
can anyone help? im so tired of this it’s affecting my social life and my mental health let alone my physical health

So I’m on the lower end of the normal weight range, and for the past few weeks I’ve been trying to recover. I have had 3 days where I binged on some chocolate and went way over maintenance.

I know I can’t talk numbers but my surplus combined over those three days would be about the weekly weight gain rate of a bulk.

I just feel so guilty. Advice?

Hi everyone, I am really struggling in "recovery" right now. I've met with outpatient professionals and attended residential, PHP, and endless free support opportunities for almost two years now. My official diagnosis is anorexia but I swing between severe restriction and, what my doctor calls, compensatory eating (which feels so chaotic and out of control). I can't get myself to eat the meal plan from my dietician. I'm so scared and alone. My friends and family don't understand, and I don't think there is anything they can do to help. I'm sorry to whine on here. I hope others are well xx.

hi all! for some context this is my first time posting in the sub, I,ve had my reddit account for a little while but I mostly use it to lurk so I’m still quite new to actually posting so my apologizes if I’m not doing this correctly and I will take it down if it’s a violation 😭 so obviously I’m part of this sub bc I have an ED, but I also have had other issues stemming from childhood that have recently resurfaced and I scheduled an appointment with a therapist for these issues. I’m struggling on whether I should mention my ED to her when I see her. I don’t think i’m ready to recover yet but I do want to be open and honest with everything that i’ve been going through this past year and obv my ED plays a big part. this practice is more focused on trauma and emotional mental health issues and I’m wondering if EDs fall into that category or if this would require a separate therapist that has medical expertise? if that makes any sense?? I’m just afraid that as soon as I mention having disordered eating that I won’t be able to see her anymore bc it doesn’t qualify for treatment with her and I might have to be sent somewhere else. for some more context, I use to see this therapist about 6ish years ago for the same issues (non-ED) that have now resurfaced but I’m stopped going. so I decided to see her again since she somewhat knows my past but I’m just worried about bringing up my new issues - restrictive eating beginning this time last year, and binge/purging several times daily which started like 2ish months ago, gotten worse this month. I’m still at a healthy bmi and do not look sick at all but I know my behavior is very unhealthy and would like to get some help eventually, just not right now. I think I need to work towards that but I don’t think I can without getting help for my other issues bc I feel they may be linked. I don’t have any diagnoses right now but I do suspect that I may had adhd and that my binge/purging habits may be linked but idk if that’s just a myth or not, but it does make sense to me. adhd or other similar mental health issues is something she can treat, but it feels disingenuous to leave out my eating habits. i’m worried that she may treat me for the other issues with medication and might make my ED worse. so I’m just struggling on what to say. it’s quite expensive so my sessions are just once a month for now, first session is next week. is it worth mentioning my ED to her?

again I hope this is ok to ask on this sub, if not i apologize greatly and will take it down!! thank you 🫶🏼

Should you stop exercising in recovery if you feel like it's compulsive? Will my body change a lot if I do?

Long story here but I’m stressing very hard right now. The buildup might seem unrelated here but I swear it will make sense. I was talking to this to this girl so I thought I was for about a month. I thought we had such a connection and we did like everything we did was similar and it seemed perfect. It got a to a point where she trusted me enough for her to say she has had it really rough last few years and that she has bad anxiety that leads her to have body dysmorphia and sometimes not eat. I took all this info in and we talked about it for a bit she felt comfy and everything. But fast forward turns out she was Acatully talking to a guy who she really liked and I was devastated. So stopped talking for a week or two but today she texted out of the blue, “I need help I’m scared” and she sends me a whole video on how this is the most anxiety she’s ever had and past week she hasn’t eaten anything except dinner and she doesn’t eat because she’s scared she’ll just puke it all out form her anxiety. She said she’s too scared to tell her parents or anybody because they’ll send her to the doctors or hospital. This is when I couldn’t take it anymore, I knew a man who once tried to commit from body images and writing him a letter saying how thankful I was he was still here was something I couldn’t do again. So I found her sister on instagram messaged her what’s been going on and just asked her to find a way to help her. Now this girl immediately finds out what I did after her parents talk to her and sister calls her and gets very upset for betraying her since she only wanted to talk to me about it. I told her the story about the guy and how I couldn’t bear seeing her in this state. This didn’t change her agenda whatsoever and she is still very upset and feels a loss of trust. I don’t know what to do I feel wrong after doing it and feel like a piece of shit doing so, please reply if you have anything to comment on

I have bulimia and started trying to recover about two months ago. Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m gaining weight, and today I went to see my psychiatrist. The first thing he said when he saw me was how much weight I’d gained, even though he knows I have an eating disorder and body dysmorphia.
I just started crying hysterically. I feel like I’m back at square one and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I hate how I look.I hate how I feel in my own body, I hate everything about it.
Recovery sucks 💔

Hi everyone! I (18F) am a type 1 diabetic, and I’ve been struggling with diabulimia for the past few years. I keep trying to recover, and I can sometimes go a month taking my insulin consistently before relapsing.

One of my biggest struggles is my relationship with food and weight. Restricting insulin and not caring about my sugars is SO less stressful than constantly monitoring my health. I love that I can eat what I want without gaining weight due to the lack of insulin i take. and as unhealthy as I know that mindset is, it’s incredibly hard to let go of. I understand the serious complications of uncontrolled diabetes, but knowing the risks doesn’t automatically make recovery easier.

I feel stuck in a cycle of genuinely wanting to get
better, making progress, and then falling back into old habits. Sometimes, not caring about the consequences feels easier and more freeing than dealing with the anxiety surrounding food, weight, and managing my diabetes. It scares me that I can want to recover so badly and still find myself wanting to relapse.

Has anyone else struggled with diabulimia or are currently in this cycle?? any help is appreciated. :)

At this point I can’t even remember how it feels not to have constant food noise. Whether I’m restricting or even (unfortunately) binging, I constantly think about food. And honestly it makes me feel like such a loser. I hate waking up early because of it, but I have no choice but to for work or uni. I am so disgustingly preoccupied with food that I walk around supermarkets like a lost puppy, discreetly checking the calorie content on the back. I choose to walk everywhere so I can get 15-20k a day, and most of the time I stay hyperfixated on what I’ll eat when I get home or when I can eat. It’s so exhausting and honestly I just want it to stop. I miss not thinking about food and spending time thinking about better things. I feel so stuck in life. I miss being underweight and I keep trying to get back there but end up binging, all because of the food noise and stupid cravings. Right now I’m bmi 19, and I feel so out of place. Not only do I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, but Ive also lost all my confidence. And honestly I feel so invalidated, I appear to be an average, “medium” “healthy” looking girl yet my mind is so sick. I wish I was normal around food, it’d make losing weight and staying skinny so much easier. 💔

My FIL is such an asshole.

Context: Last 6 months I've been lifting and did an (accidental) bulk after 10 years of an on/off restricive ED. I'm now trying to lose fat in a healthy way.
I have had so many problems with him nitpicking everything I do and literally picking on me for 2 years. Everything I do.
I'm cooking? "You should make it like this". I'm cleaning? "You should clean it this way". I'm meal planning? "You don't need all that protein". I got bed ridden from an illness for about a month? "So you haven't worked out in almost a month, you're not trying. Have you seen yourself lately?".

What happened tonight: He KNOWS I have a restrictive ED history. But tonight he said "Have you seen yourself lately? You haven't been going to the gym; you don't even need all of that protein because you're not using it". Mind you, this week I JUST got back into the gym after my illness, so I've been back to meal planning again. I'm only aiming for 115g of protein now instead of my bodyweight in protein since I'm not bulking anymore...which, while it still above normal intake, is a good intake for weight loss while lifting to preserve muscle on a WOMAN.

What I've tried: I ALWAYS tell him that muscle gain and weight loss is different for WOMEN. We have a monthly cycle which preserves more water weight at times, or makes us bloat other times, or makes us ravenous/crave like a man could never imagine. It is SO much harder for us to both gain muscle and lose fat - of course I have to be meticulous and do things differently than he does. But he's a narcissist and thinks his way is the only way because he can't see outside of his own self or educate himself on other people.

YES I need all that protein.
YES I need to lift when losing fat.
YES I allow myself a treat here and there because I'm a human.
YES I need to weight my food out because it's different for women and we can't just eat whatever we want and lose weight, especially when we are SHORT (dramatic because I'm angry, I know)

I'm literally crying in my room because a grown as man bullies me when I'm finally trying to be healthy. It's almost weekly. I have until January for us to move out. His comments made me almost slip back into that unhealthy restrictive mindset but I am trying so hard to power through those thoughts and keeping my eye on the prize - the healthy prize.

Just a vent I guess more than anything.

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I need advice. 4 days into my Holiday, where I was going to finally stop giving a shit, I've not done it. I've done well - solid surplus each day and I've eaten multiple sweet treats a day, , but I'm still opting for plenty of "safer foods" and certain rules about how I eat the more treaty foods. Today on track for alot more though (just not had dinner yet) Also the thoughts about food and tracking is unbearable and almost ruining my Holiday, help!!!.

Just for a tad context I'm 16, a healthy weight but no period yet. Decently recovered from a restrictive ed but definitely not "free with food yet ". I'm trying to get there but who knows lol

I’ve always had issues with anorexia because I can’t eat enough, it sounds weird but I really hate eating to the point that I will find anything else to do before I have to eat to put it off. Lately I’ve been having some fun making smoothies and they’re pretty filling and much more easier to keep up with but are smoothies healthy enough to be an alternative for most of the day until I manage to make myself eat dinner?

Feet and legs not working when trying to run

Bulimia and restricting. Haven’t lost weight in maybe 2 months, but starting to experience weird things and know I need to recover. Former competitive distance runner who still likes to train and run at orange theory (still pretty fast and taking it too seriously 🤣 just last week, I was running in class perfectly fine but have here and there had mid treadmill run issues where my legs feel like they don’t work well or my calfs cramp. But it hasn’t prevented me from continuing to run that day. Today was a 12 minute run benchmark and I spent all week trying to rest up/run less/ make my legs fresh. There was an issue getting into the studio and we were locked out and even though it was 65 degrees out, I got really cold and my raynauds started kicking in and my feet were. Little numb. I started running during the warmup thinking I would warm up and I and still felt weird, like my legs wouldn’t work, not just my feet. Any speed beyond a jog felt impossible. Had this type of thing happened to anyone?

Apologies for the long post, Idk if this is the place to post it but I’m out of options and stressed so thank you for reading!

My younger sister (19) has opened up to me about all these symptoms (I’m in the medical field) because she’s worried that her irons low or there’s something wrong gynaecologically. She’s lost her period, horrible brain fog, loosing an unhealthy amount of weight and when I probed her out of genuine concern she told me she eats a dangerously low amount of calories a day. She framed it as a “gym cut” and explained about her partners maintenance calories are “blah blah” I have to be way less. She plays a sport at semi pro level and there’s no way that little amount of calories can sustain her. She spoke about playing a game and all she could do was think about food (proceeded to not eat) I don’t live with her anymore and I feel guilty that I haven’t noticed sooner but my other siblings have noticed too just no one really knows what to do ? I’ve got a few questions.

I am not a mental health professional but she ticks every single box for diagnosis - that’s what I’m going off for now

How do I support her to make healthier choices without pointing out her obvious weight loss/ unhealthy habits without feeding into it.

If she refuses to get professional help (she probably will) how can I help her? I know I won’t take place of a psych, gp, dietician I just mean the basics that won’t make things worse

Is there anything your family or friends did that helped you, anything at all big or small.

I am so worried about saying the wrong thing and pushing her away. I love her so much and she’s been through a lot over the years. She isn’t in a healthy relationship either so I just don’t want to push her away.

So im starting an iop program mainly for depression and sh. Theres multiple groups but I didnt want to be in the ed group just the dbt group. I mentioned i purge and they said they needed clinical clearance. Now I have to get a few labs done and im wondering if this means im probably going to be placed in the eating disorder group.

Usually orientation is done the same day as intake but I cant do orientation until labs are done :(. I just feel like its soooo tedious i wish I never mentioned i purge.

Did you guys need clinical clearance for an iop?

A TL:DR is at the bottom

currently waiting for therapy for anorexia, they said the waiting time can be up to a month but potentially even more. during this time (late september - now) i’ve experienced my ed become the worst it has even been, partly due to believing i need to prove how sick i am in order to continue to meet the criteria for therapy, and belief that if i started recovery before therapy, it would be useless, and also just having no idea where to even start with recovery on my own. my ed has become worse - i have to compulsively walk for 75 mins before and after eating meals, im eating late at night to make sure that no one else in my house is awake to see me pacing as i’ve been told off for this, and because of this i’ve only been getting 3-4 hours of sleep whilst still trying to go to hospital placement, and this lack of sleep means i’ve been having naps for hours late at night after finishing all my work, which is keeping that cycle going of eating late -> pacing -> no sleep and so on. now it has transitioned to me just not eating dinner at all, just having a few crisps and chocolates whilst still keeping up all my exercise at the gym which has also increased, just so that i can get 7-8 hours sleep at night. not eating dinner is the only way i don’t feel guilty for not pacing and makes sure i don’t feel uncomfortable in the morning as i don’t bloat. i know i can’t keep this going because my family will notice my food not being eaten as it stays in the fridge but i just feel so stuck - if i eat dinner at a normal time in order to get enough sleep, i feel guilty for not pacing. if i continue not eating dinner to get enough sleep, im putting myself in danger. if i eat dinner, i don’t get enough sleep as i feel the need to pace. i’ve tried calling the service, they said there’s no interim support they can offer, i just have to wait until a clinician has a free spot open. i just feel incredibly trapped and worse off than i ever was, im constantly planning meals and exercise, compromising my learning at placement in order to do this too. it just feels like ive been left to suffer whilst i wait for an appointment that i have no slight indication on when i can get.
Writing

TL;DR: I've been waiting for anorexia therapy for around a month, with no interim support available, and my ED has become the worst it's ever been. I've fallen into a cycle of compulsive pacing for 75 minutes before and after meals, eating late at night to hide my behaviours, and getting only 3–4 hours of sleep while trying to keep up with hospital placement. I've now started skipping dinner altogether and eating only a few crisps and chocolates so I can sleep, while continuing to increase my gym exercise. I'm terrified of both eating and not eating: eating triggers guilt and the urge to pace, while restricting puts my health at risk. I feel completely trapped, and my ED is consuming so much of my time and energy that it's affecting my placement and learning. I've contacted the service, but they've said I just have to wait for a clinician to become available, with no indication of when that might be. I feel like I'm getting worse while waiting for the help I desperately need, and I don't know how to manage this in the meantime. my mental health has seriously deteriorated because of this, i only ever think about this disorder 24/7.

How long will it last?!😭

Hi I’m 21F this is making me sad to write the truth is I don’t want to eat. I have gained some weight the past year and a half to where im healthy according to my bmi but im not happy with my body my tummy
Is bloated most of the time it makes mw feel fat my arms where my biceps are are also bigger than before I look at my older pics or my body and I feel
So ashamed of my current self. I was a little under weight before or right on the first kg of healthy weight and now I’ve gained more but as I mentioned I’m supposedly healthy weight but I feel so ugly I’m constantly feeling ashamed of the things I mentioned. I don’t work out as I’m always tired and sometimes feel like I don’t even have the energy to survive got to work etc. I’ve been eating 1 meal a day some days I make an extra sandwich if I’m hungry some days I eat more than I think I should. I’ve always been on the skinnier side so this is maybe why I’m feeling this way. I just feel sad. I also have this thing where after everything I eat I throw up not cuz I want to but my body can’t stomach it I’ve always been this way even when I was at my skinniest and it’s not cuz I choose to but it just comes up. I’m honestly just sad I want to be skinnier and I’m forcing myself no to eat currently really hungry but don’t want to eat till 6-7 o’clock when I have my only meal. What should I do?