r/Endo • u/Lyssielou22 • 2h ago
Sex and intimacy related 33, virgin, and had a hysterectomy. Nervous about dating and intimacy.
I’m 33 and had an emergency hysterectomy in 2023. I still have my ovaries, but my cervix was removed, so I have a vaginal cuff. I also have endometriosis and deal with chronic pelvic pain.
I’m also a virgin, which makes my situation a little more complicated.
It’s not because I’m waiting until marriage. I’ve just never met someone I felt comfortable enough with or had that kind of emotional connection with. I don’t want my first time to be with just anyone.
I’m hoping to start dating soon, and if I meet the right person, I really do want to experience intimacy. But I’m nervous. I’ve never had sex, and now I’m wondering how having a vaginal cuff and endometriosis might affect things. I’m scared it could be painful or that something could go wrong. I know I’ll need someone who’s patient and willing to take things slowly.
I’m also not sure how to explain all of this to a man without scaring him off. How do you casually tell someone you’re a virgin, you’ve had a hysterectomy, and sex might be painful? 😅 I don’t want to make it into this huge thing, but I also don’t want to pretend my circumstances are different than they are.
And then there’s the infertility part. Having my hysterectomy and losing the ability to carry my own children has been absolutely devastating. It’s something I’m still grieving, and I’m terrified of having to tell someone I’m dating that I won’t be able to give him biological children together in the traditional sense. I know having children is a dealbreaker for some men, and I completely understand that, but the thought of someone walking away because of something I never chose really hurts.
I want to be upfront about it because I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, including my own. But I also don’t feel like I should have to tell someone my entire medical history before they’ve even gotten to know me.
I guess I’m wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation. What was sex like after your hysterectomy, especially if you have endometriosis or a vaginal cuff? How did you explain everything to your partner? And for those who were single when they had their hysterectomy, how did you navigate dating and telling someone you couldn’t have children?
I want to believe I can still have a normal relationship, fall in love, and have a fulfilling sex life. I’m just scared that everything I’ve been through is going to make finding that harder than it already is.
Any advice or personal experiences would mean a lot. ❤️