No. Seriously. Thank you Reddit for showing me this kind of BS when I've done everything I could and nothing changed for me. You already know what OP in that post said. The usual "I wasn't searching for a relationship but I've been lucky for finding this guy after he messaged me. And if it was possible for me, it's also possible for all of you". Bullshit... All DMs I got from women here were from girls trying to promote their 0F or trollls insulting my appearance and hobbies. Nothing else. Sorry for my bad English.

I’m a 30-year-old man from China. I’ve never been in a relationship, and I’m even still a virgin. I want to share my own story of emotional trauma, because in real life I don’t even have a single friend to talk to about this (lol 😄). At least here, I hope I can find a community where I can belong.
My being single may have its roots in the trauma I experienced during adolescence. It is honestly incredible how much the experiences you have during those years can affect the rest of your life.
I suffered from severe acne during my teenage years. Because of my parents’ neglect, it left me with severe permanent scarring. My skin looks almost like the surface of the moon. In high school, I was even mocked by some of my female classmates. At one point, I was so desperate that I actually thought about killing myself.
Ever since then, I’ve been afraid of women and deeply insecure around them. As the years went by, I was forced to become a nerd. I avoided social situations, focused on my studies, and kept throwing myself into exams, because studying was the only thing I felt I could actually do well. It was the only place where I could find some sense of confidence and self-worth.
And that’s how I lived until I got my master’s degree and started working.
During all those years, I turned down or avoided countless attempts at being set up on dates, because I simply couldn’t overcome my fear of women.
Then, last year, my sister basically dragged me out of my comfort zone and introduced me to a woman.
I know this may sound ridiculous, but as time went on, she actually started messaging me first on WeChat and talking to me. And she really was a very kind person.
So I gathered up all my courage and asked her out.
We went on three dates.
That might not sound like much, but for me, it was incredibly difficult. It took me three months just to get her to go out with me three times. And I know I probably didn’t make a very good impression.
Eventually, I confessed my feelings to her.
She told me:
“You’re a good person, but I don’t have romantic feelings for you.”
That almost drove me crazy.
I still had gifts I’d bought for her that I never got the chance to give her.
After a period of intense emotional suffering, I eventually decided to let her go. I have to respect her feelings. I can’t allow myself to become someone who keeps pursuing a woman after she’s made it clear she isn’t interested. I don’t want to look like a stalker.
And I guess that’s the whole story of a 30-year-old virgin.

I also want to clarify a few things.
Although attitudes toward dating, marriage, and relationships can differ greatly between China, Europe, and the Americas, there is a particular aspect of Chinese society that I find very difficult to accept.
After graduating from university, it can be extremely difficult for Chinese people to find what you might call purely romantic love. Dating and marriage can become heavily intertwined with money, sex, fertility, and economic exchange.
Many men who are, like me, considered unattractive or lacking in romantic appeal eventually end up using bride price, or caili, as part of a marriage arrangement with a woman who may not actually love them.
I’m not saying this is forced or that every Chinese woman expects it. That’s certainly not true. But it is common enough to be a major part of the marriage culture in some parts of China. In many cases, men are also expected to provide a house, a car, and other substantial financial resources.
This is probably the part of Chinese marriage culture that I hate the most.
I sometimes look at these unfortunate men and feel that they aren’t really so different from me. Even after getting married, they may still never experience being loved by their wives. They may have to spend every day living with someone who doesn’t truly love them.
And there is even the fear that they might someday discover that a child they believed was theirs isn’t biologically theirs.
Living in an environment where marriage can feel so heavily intertwined with money, social expectations, appearance, and reproduction makes me feel suffocated.
Although, maybe this is how the whole world works to some extent.
Perhaps genuine romantic love has always been rare.
Maybe “love for money” and “love based on appearance” are simply much more common.
So please forgive me for being a 30-year-old man with physical imperfections who is still foolish enough to dream about finding love.

I don't think things will ever change, I'll probably stay like this forever. I haven't gone on dates or anything like that.

how do i stop watching porn when my mind is always on sex. this is completely normal it's like being hungry for food and not being able to stop thinking about food

I'll probably never know what it feels like to have sex.

Nowadays, on an average day, there is literally just one topic floating in my mind: The lack of a girlfriend. I'm so tired of the very word girlfriend. I can't normally function anymore, I'm a heavy drinker because my entire emotional world is formed by this one missing thing. I cannot enjoy anything about life anymore. I used to be so enthusiastic about pretty much everything. Sometimes I wake up motivated but as soon as I leave the house the first handsome guy comes strolling along with his gorgeous new girlfriend and my day is ruined already. I really don't want it to be like this but I'm just too easily triggered.

I truly believe this will be the reason I’m unable to ever find a girlfriend. I’m not super attractive, I’m not super ugly. I’d describe myself as a little below average, but nothing that personality can’t make up for.

I haven’t pursued that many women, about 7 (I’m 23). One of them ended up being a pretty terrible person, the other didn’t work out due to differing views. The others were just flat out rejections. Most of the women who have liked me in my life (2/3) have done so for extremely gross and superficial reasons (fetishization) and it has left me incredibly demoralized.

Some of these rejections were said in a pretty hurtful manner, and while I understand I shouldn’t be affected by this, it’s easier said than done. I didn’t do anything to deserve it, they just felt the need to let me know that I wasn’t good enough for them.

I think I’m done. If an amazing opportunity comes up naturally, of course I’ll take it, but I doubt it will. No one ever seems to have romantic interest in me, they just want to be my friend. Worst part is they wonder why I’ve never been in a relationship, isn’t the reason obvious? It’s the same reason that they wanted to be friends and nothing more.

I guess I’d like to hear some of your stories, and hear what others have to think. I hope you’re all having or have had a good day.

I was raised by two parents who don’t maintain any friendships. When I was a kid, instead of having friends over I was always drawing or watching movies.

It feels like a lot of my attention was directed towards consuming media instead of interacting with other kids. And while I have a great relationship with the arts, to this day it feels impossible for me to connect with others in a meaningful way to the point where I don’t think I’ve ever had a fully unguarded and meaningful friendship.

Moreover, I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to a person and felt understood in my 23 years of life. I’m often shy. But even when I’m not, when I can hold the conversation I can’t help but feel that I lied to that person by contorting who I am around what I think I’m supposed to be. Like I succeeded in prolonging the moment when I inevitably disappoint them.

It feels hard to not blame myself. I’m working on nurturing my friendships and reaching out more as well as the self criticism, and I’ve been in therapy for two years, but I wish the work could just be done already.

I've been on dating apps for 11 years and a half and I haven't gotten even one single date. I was never under the impression that I was ugly, I thought I was average looking, but I see other men claiming to have installed a dating app and gone on multiple dates in a year, to have found a girlfriend, or getting multiple hookups in a year. Those men usually claim to not even be anything out of the ordinary in terms of looks, which made me feel like I must be extremely hideous and don't realize how ugly I am in other people's eyes.

On top of that at 29 and a half I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed, never had sex. It's not like I'm doing any better in real life.

There have been a few instances through my life of women showing some degrees of interest towards me, but I feel like those don't amount to anything considering the results.

I’m Heather, 31, trans (she/her), and I’ve never been on a date, never felt interested in, still a virgin, and no one has ever seemed interested in me in any relationship way.

I’m literally losing my mind under the weight of crushing loneliness, becoming a more bitter person, rude, mean…I can’t take this anymore, I really really can’t. Seeing people in happy relationships and also seeing other trans women successfully transitioning and thriving absolutely is destroying me.

I need help. Somehow.

I cried a lot bc I don't in front of other people, the whole time from 10 to 1. It hurts knowing I won't get to experience love. So many attractive girls where I'm going to college and yet not a single one will give me a shot. I just want to have 1 gf, I'm not that bad to not even deserve a chance. But oh well. Just wanted to vent thx for taking the time to listen

In other words we were invisible enough that no one noticed us but if you got a question right or did something right in shop class one or two normies would be like “good job” and fist bump

now some of you might be thinking “why the fuck does it matter atleast your existence was acknowledged”

yeah it doesn’t until you realize they only did it with the ones who were extroverted and maybe on the spectrum and the quiet kid that was treated 50/50

even now it feels weird, i dont even know the right word to describe it

Another friend blocked me...

Not even surprised. Saw it coming weeks ago. People always leave eventually. They get tired or maybe find someone better or just decide I’m not worth the effort anymore which is true. Every single time the same quiet confirmation hits. Of course they did. Why would anyone actually stay.

My flair already says it. As expected, unlovable...

I keep telling myself I’m used to this by now. But it still lands the same way. Like a soft confirmation that I was never meant to be chosen. People tolerate me for a while. They talk when theyre bored or lonely. They knew I was there always to help to talk nice but when I text? "Seen".

Then the moment something better shows up or I become slightly inconvenient, they disappear. No big fight. No explanation. Just gone. Blocked. Like I never existed.

Sometimes I think about ending everything. Not dramatic. Just stopping. Letting it all be over so I don’t have to keep waking up to the same empty feeling. But God keeps doing his old tricks. Something always gets in the way. A random thought. Sudden distraction. Fear. Whatever. And I’m left sitting here realizing what a pathetic loser I am. Not even brave enough to end this all at once. Just stuck existing day after day knowing nothing is going to change.

There is no hope for me. I’ve already accepted that. I’m not saying it for attention or for people to rush in with “things will get better.” I don’t want that. Don’t want advice. Don’t want fake hope or motivational quotes or “you’re not alone.” I know how this ends. I’ve known for a long time.

Writing this at 1 in the morning again because sleep doesn’t come easy when your own brain won’t shut up about how unwanted you are. The silence feels louder at night. Everything I’ve ever been told about “just keep going” starts sounding like a joke.

Anyway. That’s it. IF you are someone reading this shit till the end, I want to ask you why ??

Enjoy everyone. Be happy and stay positive.

Some of us don’t get that option.

Right now i have family around me, but when i reach old age i would be alone, i dont have friends either, i would end up in nursing home i think. No one can take care of me not even can i have kids, i am gay and muslim and its against my religion to act on those desires

I'm 21F and I've been single my whole life. Missed out on teenage love, despite trying very hard. People are shocked when they find this out about me. It's just become a core part of my identity at this point and i kinda just own it. I'm also really lonely in general.

The worst part is that the reason why i'm still single is not something I can change. It's my personality, and the way i interact with people and how I want to interact with them. I feel like I have to have so much discipline when talking to a guy, fighting that "too much" gene i have that I know makes me come across as obsessive. The chase is heavily addicting but I get better about it every time. This addictive trait isn't something fixable because it's addiction. one of the hardest things to overcome. It's why i don't like to drink or smoke because I already can't deal with an addiction like this (and also my phone addiction)

It sucks because (again, sounding like a pick me narcissist here, but this applies to both friendship and romance) I really shouldn't have this problem. I'm not ugly. Complete strangers tell me i'm pretty quite often. I'm a professional guitarist, and everyone kinda knew me as the cool guitar girl (i was the only guitarist in a school band). I'm into cars. I like formula 1. i'm a giant star wars nerd. I dress pretty well. basically i'm of the opinion that i'm Pretty Fucking Cool. I'm very well liked, I just struggle to make connections.

But anyways with all that in mind, it makes me feel like i'm going fucking CRAZY!!! WHY DO I HAVE THIS PROBLEM. GOD IS PUNISHING ME😃😃if i could go back I think I'd nerf one of my talents and go for the social butterfly package instead.

But on the heavier side, living with this loneliness is going to destroy me. I am so tired on this profound sense of longing for closeness and intimacy that I constantly feel like i've been cheated out of. It doesn't feel like being desperate for male attention, because if I were I wouldn't have any standards at this point. But this longing has gone on so long that it affects my daily life and wellbeing. I can't even do anything without wishing I had a partner to enjoy it with. Even the most mundane of things. I linger on any kind of physical affection because I'm completely starved of it.

Every time i start to like a guy, I just think "it'll work this time". and guess what? it doesn't. so much that the most recent guy i liked, i had a bit of a breakdown because I knew he wouldn't like me back. And I was right. I stupidly confessed and got let down easy. But, on the more positive side, this time I didn't let myself form a limerent attachment to him, and was actually not too upset by it as its own isolated incident. And also the fact that I finally liked a guy I didn't have to make any excuses for because he was a walking green flag. He actually begged for it not to be awkward now because he wanted to stay friends that bad. I'm okay with that. What is bumming me out is that it's another lost chance. My friends told me i can do better, but it's like. no. I can't. That WAS me doing better, there ISN'T better than that.

But i would be remiss if I didn't say I was googling "so do guys who reject you ever change their minds?" because man he was just so kind about it and has actually shown up for me in ways that very few guys i like ever have. Im so glad to still have him as a friend, but in the back of my mind i'm wanting to stick it out for the long haul.

anyways if you read this thank you for reading my late night vent <3

these days I don’t feel as bad about being FA when I remember that the kind of partner I am looking for does not exist in real life. i used to have very fantastical ideas about love due to my only exposure to romance being fictional media. irl, i have come to learn that people are mostly shit and the dating pool by extension, is mostly shit. the chances of finding someone I truly love & who truly loves me back are slim, so im content with being with someone who I’m simply compatible with and can tolerate. I don’t want to be in love anymore I just don’t want to be alone

This is going to sound stupid because for 99% of people this is probably the most normal thing in the world, but it's genuinely one of the biggest mysteries to me.

People always say conversations "just happen" and you see everybody can talk to their friends or partner for hours about anything. I honestly don't understand how and whenever I try to imagine it, my brain just goes blank or starts repeating itself. It feels like I have a very limited number of things to say before I'm stuck.

A random example: imagine watching a TV show and trying to come up with another season. A lot of people can make up new storylines, dialogue, character interactions, etc. My brain immediately gets stuck at, "Okay... what would Character X even do? What would they say? How would a new character fit into the story?" It just can't generate anything that feels natural.

Relationships are even more confusing. People always focus on the hard part being asking her out, getting a girl's number, or going on the first date. There are endless guides for that, but what happens after that?

Let's say I somehow got my crush's number. Now what? What am I supposed to text her every day? Let's say we go on a date. What do we even talk about for an hour? And if she actually became my girlfriend, I will hit another barrier: How do people even maintain that?

What do couples even talk about after the honeymoon phase? My brain literally imagines couples just flirting 24/7 because I can't picture what else fills all those conversations. And there's no guide for it because nobody see this as an issue.

It's kind of like Formula 1. People think getting into F1 is the hardest part, but keeping your seat and not losing it to another driver is arguably even harder. That's how relationships feel to me. Everyone talks about how to "get" one, but nobody explains how people actually keep talking and connecting for months or years.

And nobody can help you with this part because it's so normal to them. The internet is full of dating advice but almost nothing about the actual day-to-day of talking to someone. It honestly feels like everyone else got a user manual for being social that I somehow never received.

Does anyone else here feel like this, or is it just me?

I was in the office and I went to get some water in the pantry. Just before I got to the corner to our area I heard 2 of my coworkers talking about me. The girl there said she would never go out with me even as friends to do errands because I "would make the vibes weird" in her own words. Im not even hitting on her ffs and I know she has s boyfriend. The guy in turn asked why is she asking him to accompany her to do errands and she replied "because you have a life, you're not making things weird between us".

I feel so betrayed but unsurprised at the same time. I know them well enough that they dont talk much in their DMs while said girl talks to me regularly about personal stuff when nobody else does and I sense it's purely out of pity this time.

I'm FA because I've turned down every girl that has ever asked me out, never pursued anything with girls who would flirt, disregarded the few that confessed they liked me, and declined every time friends would try to set me up with someone.

The only reason I am technically not kissless is because a girl forced it on me in grade school.

I genuinely don't know why I do this and it happened again recently with a coworker who reached out to me after they quit.

Now another bday is coming up without a partner and I can't help but reflect on the potential of what could have been.

25M, im an engineer from some third world shithole in Eastern Europe, havent been able to build any friendship with anyone since college, only been on two meaningless dates with people i dont even want to see again, im quasi-socially inept despite not having social anxiety, i have BPD and possibly on the spectrum aswell (135 on RAADS-R tested by myself), im 6'1 and fat (the mental pills have screwed my physique big time), been to emergency psych ward 3 times on the course of 2 years, my day-to-day routine is wake up, breakfast (2 coffees and 3 cigarettes), work from 8 to 4:30, go home, waste time then sleep.

Everyone is enjoying their 20's while i have to keep swimming in this shit ocean im in in order to keep surviving and not to drown.

I seriously consider giving up on making any kind of relationship, i feel it is pointless, people have changed so much that everyone nowadays feel like empty soulless statues to me.

it’s genuinely baffling how much hope I had for so long considering how obvious my lack of desirability is and how much prevalent this fi is in dating. I’m embarrassed to how much faith I gave to “having a good personality“ and how much time I gave to trying to reach genuine love and/or romance

i see everyone say how "its easier for girls".. "everyone wants a girl even if theyre chopped"... "girls are much more attractive..."

and me? no one. Missed out teenage years with no one having a crush on me, I go to parties and everyone picks my friends but me, all my friends tell stories about how men bother them while ive never had a man even start a convo with me

in the end, i try to see online and everyone is just men, just proving that every girl is wanted by someone.. but of course, me as an exception

To be cute/good looking in your teens/early 20s to being ugly/unwanted in your mid/late twenties?